The Biology Project
by solostintwilight
Summary: Edward's an addict resisting treatment, Bella's a girl who just wants a boyfriend already. What happens when they get paired up for a Biology Project? Bio Lab could get interesting...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! So…. This is my wordy girl attempt at drabbling (seriously, who thought this was a good idea for me? oh right... me...) I can promise more than 100 words, less than 2k… lol**

**Wordy girl drabbles= many updates + many chapters**

**Warning... this Edward… is not so…. innocent.**

**This is rated M for a reason… **

**Odd chapters will be EPOV, even chapters BPOV…**

**Let's learn something about Biology, shall we?**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. No disrespect is intended.**

**Musical Inspiration for Edward: A.D.I.D.A.S. by Korn**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 1: How many times today?**

**EPOV**

"So. Edward."

I let out a weary sigh and looked up at Carlisle, who was waiting expectantly for me to give him the report of my day. I shrugged and played with the seam on the overstuffed chair I sat in. Carlisle's office at home, while appearing to be a little less clinical, still seemed impersonal in my eyes.

Save the antique paintings on the walls. And the pictures of family on his shelf behind him. I caught sight of one that was tucked behind another and let out another breath.

Of course he'd hide _her_.

Not really surprising after what had happened.

"How was your first day of school?"

I simply shrugged.

"Did you meet anyone at school today?"

"A few people," I mumbled, zeroing in on the chair seam again.

"Any girls?"

I grunted and glowered at him.

"What do you think?" I sneered.

I hated this. He didn't need to know about the girls that all but pawed at me. New guy, new meat. And every one of them unavailable to me.

He would, of course press me on it; to be sure I behaved myself.

"Did you proposition any of them?"

I groaned and covered my eyes, uncomfortable with this discussion.

"No," I muttered and shook my head.

"But you wanted to," he continued, sounding so clinical.

If Carlisle weren't a doctor, it would sound inappropriate.

But he was my doctor.

And I had issues.

"Did you have any urges today?"

I rolled my eyes. Like I would magically lose my urges by moving to a different town.

"So. How many times today, Edward?"

I sighed in resignation, the embarrassment of telling my adoptive father how many times I got off in one day truly wearing.

"Only ten."

"That's an improvement," he responded brightly, seemingly pleased with my progress.

"Well if the scenery were better," I muttered and closed my mouth before I got the lecture.

"Edward, we're making a new start here. Give it a try. I know it's not Alaska, but we have to make an effort," Carlisle said, in full on lecture voice.

This would take some time.

_New place. _

_New start. _

_Learn to control myself. _

_Try to attempt a normal life_.

I had thought what I had in Alaska had been normal. All young teenage guys have hormones, right? Tanya had told me my enthusiastic nature was refreshing, albeit short fused. I frowned at that thought and tried to picture her again. Naked and panting out my name. Pulling me close, letting me taste every bit of her. She liked that best.

Of course that image morphed into our last time together, when Carlisle had walked in.

If he had only been a few minutes later, I would have actually gotten my dick in her finally. It would have only taken a minute.

But he did walk in and that was it.

He was livid and labeling me sexual deviant.

Sure she was older, but she wasn't_ really_ family to me. When he found out just how frequently I spent time with Tanya though, he made the decision to move to Washington. To start over with no history of my sordid past.

Like there was less temptation here.

I grunted at that.

Even the mildly cute girls made me hard and needing to spend a little time in the bathroom.

"Any female teachers?"

I groaned again and thought about lying to him.

Mrs. Solas in Spanish was kind of hot. The way her skirt clung to her hips.

"Edward, you're not concentrating."

"Fine," I spat out. "The Spanish teacher is hot. I jacked off to thoughts of her before and after lunch. Satisfied?"

I always tried for shock value when I had had enough.

"Maybe you should take French instead," Carlisle murmured and made a note in my file.

My ever thickening file.

"Edward, I want you to try and set a goal. I'm proud of you for restraining yourself on your first day of school. But I want you to think about how you can do better."

He said this every day.

How could I improve? Set a goal. Find a distraction for my thoughts and urges.

Nothing short of sending me to an all boys boarding school would curb my thoughts and urges.

"I'll try French," I said in resignation.

I'd miss Mrs. Solas' tight skirt.

And I'd seen the French teacher. Old dude with mutton chops. Surefire softener there.

"That's a good start, Edward."

It was going to be a long year.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Allright! Next up is Bella. Wonder what's her deal…**

**Thanks for reading! Here's to a fun and exciting New Year!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Again! Happy New Year folks! **

**So let's see a little of Bella. **

**Love to all of you for reading and reviewing! **

**SM owns Twilight. I own a growing ITunes library of suggestive inspirational music.**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 2: I'm never getting laid.**

**BPOV**

New start. New person. New life.

I looked at myself in the mirror and continued my internal mantra, trying to discount the old clothes and mousy hair.

_New person…_

"Bells? I'm leaving! You want me to drop you off at school?"

_Oh god no!_

"No thanks, Dad! I'll take the truck!" I called out, the idea of my dad driving me in his police cruiser causing my inner confidence to falter.

_It's not like everyone won't know who you are as it is._

Bella Swan, daughter of the Police chief.

Yeah that wouldn't make me the social pariah to every boy in school.

I'm never getting laid.

"You better hurry then! Dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, Dad!" I called out, brushing back my hair one last time before silencing my inner mantra for a new one.

Police chief's daughter. Fresh meat. Do not touch.

I grabbed my book bag and stumbled awkwardly down the stairs, juggling my bag while I put my coat on. Charlie had already left, no need to say goodbye really. We didn't work like that. He was the strong silent type and I was the aloof one.

_Not any more._

New start…new life… yada yada yada.

Maybe the boys here would be different than they were in Phoenix.

Tan skin and big boobs were overrated, right?

And maybe regardless of being the Police chief's daughter, I might land someone half decent.

Pulling up into the parking lot, my nerves spiked at the curious stares.

The new girl beacon seemed to be shining brightly.

And as I started the awkward walk towards the school office, I knew this would be my only chance to start something new.

New start. New Person. New Life.

Old innocent Bella Swan was no more.

New Bella.

I could be whomever I wanted this time.

Perky. Bubbly.

_Maybe not._

Confident. Sure of herself. Dare I say sexy?

I'd shoot for that.

And maybe, finally, I'd get me some.

I was going to make this the best year ever.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awww. You go Bella. Be someone new. You never know who you'll meet…**

**Happy New Year my dears!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy 2012 folks! **

**So glad you are enjoying this little bit of fun! **

**A few answers to questions: **

**Carlisle is a medical doctor, not a psychologist. So yes, he is beyond his means here. But it's less the unethical issues as it is his genuine concern for Edward that we should focus on (I will not be going into treatment of addictions in this story) so bear with Carlisle for a bit. And Edward is more than just an eager 'baiter'.**

**Tanya is a DISTANT cousin. Not first. Related by marriage on Carlisle's side. She's older, in her late twenties. (Yep, Carlisle should be mad at her. And maybe that's why he made this move to Forks.) They never had actual intercourse. But about everything leading to it. But still morally wrong.**

**Timeline: Edward's been in Forks longer than Bella, about six months. It is early September. He is 18. She is almost 18…**

**That's all for now. Keep the questions up! I'll try and answer here or in reviews!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own some nice Rome Rob pics for inspiration…**

**I Touch Myself- The Divinyls**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 3: Clean. New. _Pure_.**

**EPOV**

_Don't look at her breasts…_

_Just keep walking._

_Lauren put them out there for you to ogle._

_I mean, they're barely covered. Just one accidental tug..._

_Fuck. How much longer to activity period? Can I make it to the bathroom before Bio?_

_Look away… just look away. Why are there so many tits on show today?_

_Think of other things._

_The life cycle of the gnat._

_How long is that exactly?_

_I should Google it._

"Edward?"

I looked up in surprise, surprised at how distracted gnats could actually be.

"Yes, Mr. Varner?" I asked.

"Could you help Ms. Swan to her next class? She's in Biology with you, I believe," he asked, and it was then that my eyes zeroed in on the girl beside him.

Big, innocent, chocolate brown eyes. Fuck if she didn't exude pure and sultry at once.

Nice long hair. Enough to wrap around my hands good and tight.

Breasts were small, but perky. And hardening…

_Stop it! Concentrate before you jizz in your pants…_

"Um, I was on my way to the restroom, Mr. Varner," I said trying to deflect the responsibility of walking this girl to class.

But then if I was next to her, maybe I could look down the v-neck shirt she was wearing, tucked into those low-rise jeans that hugged tight.

I needed to think of something else besides sliding her top to the side to see what color her bra was. Did she even wear a bra?

Fuck, that was hot. Just a little brush underneath and I could touch them.

Nothing to trap them, or hide that bit of puckering pink…

_Focus. _

"You can walk her to class and_ then_ take care of your business, son. You'll have time. Be a good man," he retorted and nodded before walking away, the matter settled in his head. I turned and looked at the new girl again, drawn back to her slender form before me.

Her hips were nice. Not too skinny, and just enough padding on the backside for …

I bet she was a screamer.

She probably liked to ride.

Girls with small tits seemed to like that. Or so the pornos suggested.

And while her tits were smaller than I liked, they showed a lot.

Was it cold today? Because they were getting even stiffer.

That shirt was pretty fucking thin.

Was that a black bra strap?

Hard to tell around her hair. Was that her real color?

I wondered if she matched down below.

Was she shaved or bushy as fuck?

Tanya had been waxed. It was a little weird. Smooth. But what did I know?

What would hair be like? Trimmed maybe. But something to nudge with my nose as I went down on her. I swallowed and drew my eyes back up to her cautious stare, the heat rising in my face when I realized she had noticed me checking her out.

"Um, it's this way" I mumbled and turned stiffly away from her, feeling her fall in step next to me. The pain in my jeans was worse now, knowing that she was next to me, and from the corner of my eye I could see her looking at me.

I needed the bathroom now desperately.

Shit, this would be eight times today.

"Um, it's here," I stammered and pointed at the door in front of us. "I have to…"

I couldn't even finish. She was looking at me with those lips slightly parted, licking the top one as if she was about to say something.

Or suck something.

I left her behind me and nearly ran to the bathroom.

I was in the stall and stroking before I even had it out of my pants.

That mouth.

Those hips.

And damn, those perky, hard nipples.

I groaned into my arm as I let go, fast even for me.

But oh so satisfying.

I took a few deep breaths and cleaned myself up, washing quickly before the late bell sounded. I readjusted my jeans and made it to class just as the bell rang. But my steps were brought up short when I noticed who was sitting at my table.

Of course she would be; it was the only seat available.

And those dark eyes were looking at me again. Her bottom lip was hiding behind her teeth, causing me to swallow and hate my recuperative abilities. I could already feel myself tingling again. Or maybe it was my body saying it had had enough torture for one day.

"Mr. Cullen, take your seat," Mr. Banner said from his desk. "You have a new partner, and just in time too! New year and new friends! Get acquainted with Bella and show her where we are in the text, please. "

I took my seat quietly beside the new girl, nervous suddenly.

She glanced over at me with timid eyes; that bottom lip back in her mouth again before Mr. Banner was speaking again.

"All right folks! Lets get to work on the project we left off on last week. Mitosis!"

I let Mr. Banner's speech on mitosis drone on in my head, other thoughts taking priority with the feeling of her beside me. I tried not to breathe, but she smelled exquisite as she sat there. She smelled like what innocence might smell like. Clean. New. _Pure_. Whatever her bath soap, it made me want to lick her.

_Everywhere._

I wondered if she tasted as good as she smelled. Especially down there.

I wanted to dirty up that clean innocent scent with her sex.

She was the kind of girl that had a bush that was infused with her scent.

I adjusted on my stool and tried to ignore her. To behave, dammit.

_Impossible. _

Each breath, I inhaled her.

Each time she moved, I felt her.

She never touched me, but just her desk jostling mine made me hard with the knowledge that she was so close.

I could see her from my periphery, as she looked my way many times during the class.

I think I groaned when I chanced a few looks and found her biting her pen.

Did she have any idea how crazy that made me, seeing her mouth sucking on her bic?

I wanted that mouth on me. I wanted those teeth to mark me.

To bite. To claim.

"So study up on the stages of mitosis, we'll have a practical portion tomorrow!" Mr. Banner exclaimed, signaling that class was nearly over.

_Thank god. _

No sooner did the bell ring, I was out of there and straight for the bathroom again.

It seemed I'd hit a dozen times today, easy.

Thanks to my new visual stimuli.

She was a fresh bit of temptation in this boring ass town. She was a new toy.

A naughty-in-an-innocent-wrapping toy.

I couldn't tell Carlisle about her.

Not ever.

He'd take her away before I got to play.

Fuck, this was bad.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: ok doky! So… he has a very active mind… it's a wonder he passes his classes.**

**Next up: Bella's reaction to her new Bio partner!**

**Reviews are like Edward… he needs a nickname… Baitward? Give me an idea folks… otherwise he sounds like something Charlie would find in his tacklebox!**

**See ya tomorrow! (oh, yes… I will be posting every day…*grins*)**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again! So let's see what Bella thinks of Edward... I'm sure he put off a most gentlemanly air, yeah?**

**SM Owns Twilight. I own an increasing amount of naughty pics... for research of course!**

**Bad Things- Jace Everett (yep- I'm totally stealing from True Blood)**

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><p><strong> ~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 4: My Lab Partner is kinda...**

**BPOV**

First day of school and I meet the most incredible looking but _creepy_ guy ever.

Ok. The guy who sat next to me in Biology maybe wasn't necessarily creepy.

Unless you thought a constant boner and his perverted glances at my chest were creepy.

But he was gorgeous.

Even with that bad boy act he had going on.

Who still wore tattered jeans that were too tight? And that ratty t-shirt and jean jacket?

Hello 1980's…but he pulled it off by still looking hot as hell.

And a little creepy.

Then there was the intense look in those deep green eyes as he watched me. I tried hard not to glance at him while the teacher was lecturing, but it was a little hard with the heavy breathing and then the staring.

I don't think he even knew he was doing it.

I'd glance over and his eyes would be a little glazed, but still looking my way before he'd jerk and look away, nostrils flared and a hand in his unruly hair. I liked his hair best. It was a darker shade of something like firelight. Not quite red, not quite brown. And it looked like he had rolled out of bed, after a rousing good night.

At least that's what I assumed sex hair looked like.

Not that I knew.

New start. Right?

So I sat there listening to a lecture I had already done in my last school and took in the scent of something like lotion and hot boy intermixed and wondered if he moisturized. His stubbled jaw made it difficult to discern, but his long fingers as the flexed and gripped seemed pretty smooth. And his nails were cut short, maybe even a little polished, like he buffed them.

Weirder still, when he clenched his fist, his jaw did too.

He was awfully tense.

Was it me?

I fingered my hair a little more nervously, I had let it down today, instead of pulling it up into the safe and modest ponytail I usually wore. Was it frizzy from the wet air?

But every time I caught him looking, it wasn't my hair he was looking at. It was further south. It had me wondering if maybe this new top wasn't the best choice for the first day. I thought it was cute. A little more daring than I usually wore; it was one of those distressed cotton shirts that seemed a little see through.

Maybe that was why he had a bulge.

Oh, god. Could he see my bra?

It wasn't much, just black cotton. But it had a little pink bow in the middle and it made my boobs look better than usual.

I glanced down and noticed I was high beaming everyone.

Crap! When did that happen?

He was staring again. And clenching.

I was too, now that I was more conscious of my body.

It was hot in here.

Or maybe it was creepy hot guy's eyes, burning a whole through my chest.

I knew I needed to say something to him. Clear this weird tension in the air that made me want to climb into my own backpack to hide or into his lap and ride him like a cowgirl on a bucking bronco.

My new persona so far seemed to be mute and horny.

Not much different than the old me.

I opened my mouth a few times to say something, like thank him for showing me to the classroom. And then a clench of his long fingers had me retreating to my inner closet, biting down on my pen in nervous energy.

This was absurd.

I was never going to get anywhere with anyone if I couldn't face my fears.

And he was the first boy I had ever noticed that seemed to react to me, personally.

In a creepy, 'I want to look at you like you're a prime rib' sort of way.

I knuckled down my fears and took a breath as class was nearing the end.

I'd just introduce myself.

A simple,_ 'Hi, I'm Bella, and I'd like to see what's behind door number ButtonFlies.'_

Maybe just hello and thank you then.

I didn't get the chance, of course.

As soon as the bell rang, he was out the door and disappearing into the bathroom again.

_Weird. _

He must be the most regular teen boy ever.

That or he was jacking off that huge bulge in his pants.

Why did that make me want to clench my thighs some more?

God I needed to get laid.

Soon.

I'd talk to him tomorrow.

Introductions.

I kind of hoped he wore those jeans again too.

It made his ass look good.

Fuck. Maybe I was the creepy one.

**~~oo~~**

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><p><strong>AN: Takes one to know one, Bella. <strong>

**Poor Edward. He's not as inconspicuous as he thinks... **

**More tomorrow. Let's see if Edward can keep quiet about his new lab partner to his dad.**

**My fave nicknames for Edward so far: Wankward, Yankward, Satyrward, Chafeward and MightGoBlindWard... *snicker***

**Have a great day! MWAH!**

**steph**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! **

**A few questions have come up:**

**This will NOT be a cheater fic. Satyrmaniacs (male nymphos, thanks tds88 for giving me something to Google!-lol) can be monogamous. While a lot of them tend to manwhore it up, there are some that, with proper guidance and support, can live a healthy (and very good sex life) with their one partner. I impose creative license and say this is so for Edward. **

**And yes, the boy carries some lubrication…. Snort. Ya'll are so worried for the boy and his appendage. **

**I mean no disrespect to those with addictions. This is not a heavy story, by any means. But I also don't mean to make light of people with real issues. Fic people on the other hand. Keeping it light, ya'll.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own yet another folder of Googling research…**

**Satisfaction- The Rolling Stones**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 5: A firm grasp…**

**EPOV**

"So Edward."

"Thirteen," I said resignedly.

_So far. _

"What was different about today? You had been doing so well."

I scowled at the thick file folder on the desk.

Yes, six months of daily accounts into how many times I masturbated and thought about sex could get pretty thick.

_That's what she said. _

"What's so funny Edward?"

I choked on my internal joke and shifted in my seat.

"Nothing. Nothing changed. I was just… bored today," I lied.

It had nothing to do with my new obsession. Not at all.

"Boredom is not an excuse, Edward. We talked about that," Carlisle replied, gearing up for the lecture of the night. "What you need is a hobby, something to distract you…"

I let him drone on, my mind drifting back to what it had thought about since this afternoon.

_Her. _

Bella Swan.

The Police Chief's daughter.

It was like fate wanted to spite me. Making my newest obsession that much more unattainable.

Why did she have to come here?

Or sit next to me.

Or smell so good.

Or have that long silky hair that would feel so incredible trailing down my stomach until she…

"Edward?"

I looked up in surprise, my mind far off in a biology lab with brown hair bobbing over my swollen cock.

"I'll try to be better tomorrow," I replied, hoping that the generic answer would end this lecture soon.

I desperately needed to lock myself in the bathroom.

Again.

"Edward, I'm trying not to include anyone else in this issue," Carlisle said, pulling his glasses off to lay them on my thick folder. "You had been showing signs of progress. But if you can't control yourself, we have to look at other options. There's medicine, medical procedures…"

"I'm not going and getting snipped! Or brainwashed!" I hissed and stood up.

"That's not what I meant, Edward," Carlisle argued wearily, standing and blocking my exit. "I'm just not very well qualified to help you if you won't try. There's a friend of mine here who specializes in addiction of your type."

"What part of being a teenager that just thinks about sex a lot is different from being a sex addict?" I asked loudly, not caring if Esme heard.

I was sure Carlisle had taken precautions to protect her.

Not that I'd want to fuck her. She was my mom. Even if I was adopted.

Even in my worst, that was never a thought that crossed my mind.

Gross.

"The part where it becomes an obsessive need, Edward. A compulsion. That's when it becomes an addiction and not just hormones," he replied, trying to remain calm.

"So if I like a girl, I can't do anything," I countered hotly. "Because I'm sick."

Carlisle sighed and raised his hands in resignation.

"I don't know, Edward. I'm sure your age and changing body doesn't help the situation. And what happened to you back in Alaska. That was just the beginning. You and…. I'm just glad we started treatment before you took it to the next level."

"And what's that? When you won't even let me look at a girl and not go and judge me."

He sighed again and moved closer to me. I took a step back and crossed my arms across me tight.

"One girl can lead to more. You were lucky in Alaska. For now, you need to steer clear of girls, Edward. Maybe if you had a firmer grasp of your urges…"

I snickered and moved to step around him.

"I have a_ firm_ grasp, Carlisle," I shot back, watching his face contort in embarrassment over his poor choice of words.

"You need to get this under control, Edward," he said. "You have to restrict the stimuli that sets you off. Or we need to medicate."

"Same time tomorrow?" I said, evading.

I heard Carlisle sigh as I passed, my bedroom door closing off any chase he may have considered.

But the discussion had certainly sobered up my urge.

I lay in bed, the darkness creeping by while I thought on what Carlisle had said.

I didn't want to be some deviant. I just wanted to be a normal Senior in high school.

I didn't want to medicate.

But I didn't want to stop myself either from my sexual thoughts. It wasn't plain old vanilla like Carlisle liked it, but it didn't make me a deviant.

And to blame Tanya….

It wasn't her fault. I was willing. I enjoyed it. She showed me things I would never learn in a book or even in a porno. She had liked me.

It wasn't wrong.

I had asked her to do it.

So maybe it _was_ my fault.

Too late to change anything. Except now I was by myself again and Carlisle was involved in trying to get me back on the straight and narrow.

Bland and plain old vanilla.

When I wanted chocolate. Deep, rich, melt in your mouth chocolate.

_Restrict the stimuli. _

How could I do that if I had to see her every day?

I'd have to try and ignore her.

Change classes maybe. Just like Spanish.

How do you give up something you crave so much?

Fuck, I hated Carlisle sometimes.

He had taken something I enjoyed and tainted it.

Tainted her.

Ruined it.

I couldn't think about Bella now and not worry that maybe I _was_ sick.

That was the first night I didn't jack off to fall asleep.

What would happen tomorrow, knowing that no matter what, she was off limits?

Whatever Carlisle thought...

I was _not_ a deviant.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Clearly Edward thinks he's just a healthy eighteen year old. **

**And Carlisle had to buzz kill his thoughts of Bella. We'll learn more about Carlisle's reasoning soon. Promise. **

**Poor Wankward. (Seems to be the general name, although my fave is still MightGoBlindward- lol-)**

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	6. Chapter 6

**Awwww! You guys are really worried about Edward! I love you all just a little bit more. **

**So I am giving you a little extra chapter tonight. Just cuz I love you. **

**Waiting-Cheyenne Marie Mize**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 6: Waiting**

**BPOV**

He wasn't here.

Crazy creepy guy wasn't here.

Why was I disappointed?

I mean aside from the outrageous hard on and the heavy breathing, he hadn't really acknowledged me. I didn't even know his name. My math teacher had said it, but I couldn't remember it.

Ethan?

"_Edward Cullen_," Jessica said, licking her lips after saying his name like it was something sweet in her mouth.

"Don't waste your time on him, Bella," Lauren replied. "He's been here almost a year and no one here is good enough for him. He's a little weird too. He's always looking at girls like they're something he wants to eat."

"He could eat _me_," Jessica said, completely deadpan.

I choked on my apple before she started laughing and smacking me across the back to dislodge the apple peel in my throat.

I spluttered and took a long drink of water while they moved onto other topics besides my weird and definitely creepy Biology partner.

I let my hopes fizzle at mention of him looking at everyone as he had me yesterday.

Nope, he surely didn't want to eat _me._

Just like every other guy on the planet. What the hell did it take to make someone notice me?

I sat alone in Biology, looking out at the rain that was a constant here in Forks.

I felt like I was waiting for things to happen. Instead of taking control of my life and making them happen. I had certainly put too much effort into thinking about creepy hot guy.

I had to make a change.

I was a Senior. In a new school. With new people that didn't know my shy tendencies. I would never get laid if I kept this up.

Edward Cullen was not interested in me. And my constant daydreams about him didn't help me attract any new prospects. But every time I thought about seeing who else might be enticing, my thoughts went back to him.

Those eyes.

That unruly hair.

And yes, the bulge.

How'd he get around with something that obvious?

And how could I discover just what lay beyond those faded jeans?

I shook my head at my divergent daydreaming and went back to writing my notes. I didn't necessarily need them, but Edward was my lab table partner. I'd give him my notes so I could make conversation.

Too bad the outfit I had worn today had been for nothing.

Well, Mike Newton had said something. He at least wasn't so creepy as to look at my chest that long. He still looked at it. He smiled and actually spoke with me. Even if it was to my boobs most of the time.

But it didn't have the same effect on me as Edward's had yesterday.

Maybe I enjoyed the way creepy hot guy looked at me a little too much.

Obsess much?

Maybe I was the one that was perverted.

I mean I was daydreaming about a boy that had a hard on all through class. I kept thinking about how much room there actually was in his tight button flies. I shook my head when the bell rang, the last period of school passing in a numb haze as I tried to think about anything but him.

I left my hair in its unkempt ponytail after gym class, threw on my comfort hoodie and slumped off towards my truck, waving at Angela and Jessica as they called out their goodbyes. So far this week was a bizarre let down.

Maybe tomorrow _he _would be here and I could figure _him_ out.

The next day he didn't show up again, and I started to wonder if maybe he had just been sick on my first day. It would explain his frequent trips to the bathroom. And maybe the heavy breathing and glazed over look. He was a little flushed too as I thought on it when he first came into the classroom.

I decided to let it go.

It was the weekend. I'd drive myself crazy if I kept thinking about him. And that was creepy in itself. He certainly wasn't thinking about me, I was sure.

Still, I felt a flutter of hope at the idea of seeing him on Monday.

Surely he wouldn't be gone that long, right?

Why did the weekend have to take so long?

I hated waiting.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: poor Bella. It's ok, hun. I'm sure he's thinking of you… Just don't tell Carlisle.**

**More tomorrow. I'll address a few more things tomorrow with some more Edward. Hang in there. Things will get happier when they see each other again! This isn't an angsty sort of story. :)**

**Have a good night! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	7. Chapter 7

**Good morning and happy hump day!**

**A little Edward for hump day? Why yes please! **

**SM- rightful owner of Twilight ….me? rightful owner of a very distracted mind.**

**I Ran (So Far Away) by Flock of Seagulls (but MGBward would listen to Rotation's cover)**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 7: Say it… Out loud…**

**EPOV**

I could feel her skin slapping against mine as I shoved into her harder. Again and again. Faster and faster. Relentless. Buried deeply inside of her, I liked the heat of her ass smacking my hips, the motion making my balls pound against her wet delicious slit until she was moaning and panting.

"You like that?" I growled, hearing her whimper and shove her ass closer to me.

I watched as I slid inside her, my cock wet with her as she bucked and shook before me. My fingertips practically touched across her stomach as I tightened my grip around her hips and moved faster, feeling her quivering from the inside out. How she took every inch of me in was a mystery, but she was tight as hell and threatening to milk me dry. I didn't really care in that moment how I fit inside her.

I just did and she liked it.

"Do you like me inside of you? Does this get you off?" I hissed, rotating my hips to reach every possible part inside of her.

She moaned and arched her back, as if to ask for more.

I liked this bit of dirtiness in her. She liked it, liked _me_.

What else did she like?

Could I do all the things I wanted to do to her?

Tie her up, make her beg, spank her, make her say my name in ecstasy, let me have her any way I possibly wanted?

The heat of her around me, the way she whimpered. I just wanted to keep here there forever.

_Possess her. My turn to control._

She hummed and looked over her shoulder, eyeing me with those smoldering chocolate eyes. I grabbed at her hair and pulled her closer, licking the sweat from her neck before I bit down, enjoying her cry. Reaching around, I grabbed at her pert little breasts and squeezed her nipple hard, grinning when she slammed back into me and grabbed at my hair. I was a master of her body. I knew exactly what she liked. And I liked this position best. Because I controlled her. She was mine and she couldn't tease me when I controlled her. I made the rules.

"I want to hear you scream, Bella. Tell me how much you like it hard and fast," I panted, wanting to see her let loose.

She whimpered and bucked against me a little harder, but still she hadn't said anything.

"Say it, say it out loud," I growled, feeling how close I was. I needed her words. "Tell me how it feels."

Edward. Edward.

The headboard was knocking against the wall now, making a ruckus so loud I was sure Carlisle would come pounding down my door to schedule a lobotomy for my perversion. I didn't care. Let him walk in and see what it meant to feel pure ecstacy.

_Edward!_

My eyes slammed open to my name being called on the other side of my bedroom door.

Sweating, still hard as a rock and breathing heavily, I shifted in my bed just as Esme poked her head in.

"Edward, you'll be late for school," she said in her doting,motherly voice. "Honey, are you all right? You look feverish."

She was beside me in an instant; hand on my sweaty forehead, feeling my temperature.

"You're burning up, sweetie," she cooed. "How do you feel?"

What to say?

"I'm a little lightheaded," I managed, my voice rough from my heavy breathing.

It was true. All the blood was in my cock at the moment. And I felt like I had been going at it for hours.

Drilling the new girl like it was my life. God, it had felt so real.

I swallowed down the moan rising in my throat.

Esme drew my attention away from my straying thoughts with a soft sigh and concerned look on her face.

"Well, why don't you stay home today, sweetie," she replied and smoothed away the wet tendrils of my hair. "I'll call the school and then bring up some oatmeal for you, all right?"

I swallowed and nodded, mortified to move as she straightened my blanket over me and smiled before slipping back out of my room. I let out a relieved breath and lay there for a few minutes, trying to track back to my dream so I could finish what it started.

Bella.

Had I dreamt about her all night?

Stroking slowing, I slipped one hand back behind my head and imagined the new girl now tied up tight to my bed, blindfolded and writhing underneath me. She wasn't quiet anymore. She was begging, my name breathy as she pleaded to let her loose so she could touch me. But this time I had control, like I had that last time with Tanya. This time I could do what I wanted.

Take her the way I wanted. Hard. Pounding.

Fucking.

My way.

I could finish this time.

No distractions. No interuptions. No baleful looks of dissatisfaction. Bella would like everything I gave her.

I groaned as I released, the image of her flushed begging body under mine doing me in quickly.

I enjoyed the spent feeling in my bones while I laid there. Most of the time, it was a hurried jack off in the bathroom and no chance to savor the jelly-like feeling that came over me when I let loose. Only late at night could I ever really feel that, and not worry about anyone walking in on me.

The feeling was euphoric. Like floating high on a drug.

I swallowed hard at that thought.

Because that explained exactly what I was feeling.

A high from my drug.

The feeling of getting off imagining the new girl with me.

Satisfied with me.

Was it so wrong?

Guys fantasized about girls all time?

It wasn't like I would be able to actually do it.

But what if I could? What if she let me?

What if she didn't? What if she did and didn't like it?

What if Carlisle discovered my new interest?

What if we left again?

I rolled over on my side and curled up into myself, feigning sleep when Esme came in to check on me. I didn't like the feeling that was beginning to linger in my gut. An empty sort of feeling that should have been much lighter and satisfying.

I had a huge problem.

As good as that feeling was, I couldn't enjoy it.

I couldn't act on my urges with her.

She didn't even know me. She looked at me like I was a perverted fuck.

I was a perverted fuck that wanted to fuck…her. Possess her, claim her, devour her.

She had crept into my subconscious and kicked out all the faceless fucks I fantasized to.

She was my new addiction. A new obsession.

Carlisle was right. I couldn't let myself be trusted with someone like Bella.

With those big eyes, I bet she was just a pure as she smelled.

And I was the twisted one.

Somehow, I'd avoid her.

I had to switch classes, schools, or something.

Because Bella Swan was a drug I shouldn't have.

I thought again on what Carlisle had said.

Perhaps talking with someone was a good idea.

Because already the idea of staying away from her made me feel so much emptier than I had ever felt in my life.

I needed to make a change.

I needed to fix me.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: the problem with drabbles? You can't get past the little stressful parts fast enough!**

**I'll see about maybe posting another Bella tonight. That way we can get back to these two sooner! **

**Darn Drabbles… The wait is KILLING ME! lol**

**And yes- totally stole the "Say it" line. Don't tell me you don't fantasize about him saying that to you in the bedroom during good and rough sex….liars…. naughty girls…. Gets me fired up. . **

**Ok. More later. MGBward needs to get through the weekend. I wonder how Bella will occupy her weekend?**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	8. Chapter 8

**Good evening! Sorry it's a little late- I got lost in Itunes finding music for inspiration. **

**Let's see how Bella's weekend went- shall we?**

**Weapon of Choice- Fat Boy Slim **

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 8: This or that?**

**BPOV**

"So did you make any friends this week, Bells?"

I poked at the fish I had made, shrugging.

"A couple," I replied, in our simple question and answer round portion of dinner.

"Any boys?"

I snorted at his obviously feigned disinterest and shook my head.

He didn't need to know about Edward Cullen. I hadn't really made friends with him. He had just stared at me like I was dessert. Charlie eyed me for a moment as if to press me on it, and then stretched in his chair.

"Mike Newton's a good boy. Parents own the outfitters in town. Never any problems with him. Or Billy's son, Jake. He was asking about you the other day. He's a bright young man," Charlie said, all too casual.

I looked up at him in surprise.

"Dad, you're supposed to be encourage me to avoid boys, not play matchmaker," I said.

He simply grinned and shrugged.

"Just looking after you, Bells. You don't want to end up old and alone like me," he replied and winked at me. "It's cool on me. The Forever Bachelor. But you're allergic to cats."

He slid out of his seat before I could wail on him, laughing as he grabbed a beer and retreated to the living room, but not before informing me Jake and Billy were coming over the next day.

Could he be more obvious?

I suppose it came to this. I couldn't get a boy on my own.

Leave it to the menfolk to arrange it for me.

So on Saturday I got to see the boy Charlie hoped I'd hook up with.

I'm sure it wasn't because he was a best friend with Jake's dad.

_Nooo. Of course not. _

And while I was a bit more aloof than usual, Jake took it in stride and followed me around all day like a lost puppy. He wasn't even deterred by my old sloppy pullover and stained jeans.

Jake was very easy going.

He wasn't really so bad. He needed a haircut, even if he said it was an Indian thing to grow it long. He looked more like a girl than I did.

Except for his amazing biceps.

Okay and he had a nice ass.

Okay. He had a nice set of abs too. But I wasn't really looking.

What was it with guys that stretched to show off the fact that their shirt was maybe a little too small?

I mean, he was nice to look at. Beautiful even.

But his teeth were _way_ too white. It just wasn't natural.

It made me want to go into town and invest in Crest whitening strips for my own less than brilliant teeth.

I needed to give up coffee. Take up running or something to tone my jiggly ass. Yoga perhaps for balance since I always seemed to trip over myself. Anything to put me on par with Mr. Body Beautiful.

Yeah, Jake made me feel a little inadequate. Which sucked considering he was a whole year younger than me. And living on the reservation.

How was I the one that was sheltered? I had traveled! I had seen places!

"We should go see a movie in Port Angeles!" Jake said, in his overly exuberant voice I was learning was his normal voice.

It was a bit annoying once you heard everything repeated in that enthusiastic tone.

"Um, I have to study," I said dismissively, wanting nothing better to do than hide in my room and think of what I didn't have.

"You've only been in school for a week! You can't have that much homework," he said, smiling as he shifted closer on the couch.

I needed sunglasses. The teeth were all sparkly in the living room light.

And did I mention that Jake has puppy dog eyes?

I bet he could eyelash bat the pants right off an unsuspecting girl.

I was onto him though. I was not _that _easy.

"Please?"

_Bat bat bat…flutter flutter._

"Fine," I said, exasperated. I would not fall for it a second time. I needed to get out of the house anyway.

But I was not on a date with Jake.

No matter how much he tried to charm me.

And, well. He was pretty charming.

Somehow he managed to hold my hand the whole way there.

Yeah, I allowed it.

Well I wanted to get laid, right?

And he was cute and all.

I could do worse.

Mike Newton had drummed up the courage to say hello to me on Friday. He was nice, if not a little dim. One too many hits to the head with a football. And I liked to be able to actually talk about more than touchdowns and homeruns, in whatever form they took.

And since Creepy Hot Guy Edward Cullen had fallen off the face of the earth, it left fewer candidates.

Besides, Charlie liked Jake.

That had to trump sparkly teeth and supreme abs, right?

This could maybe work.

I was not lowering my standards!

How much lower can you get from nonexistent?

I could give Jake a shot.

But when he tried to kiss me and feel up my boob during the movie, I just couldn't go through with it.

He kissed like a dog. Only a dog slobbered a lot less.

So much for trying other things.

Back to my hopeless nighttime fantasies of unattainable boys then.

Was it Monday yet?

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: hehehehe. Poor Bella… She's allergic to cats? I wonder how she is with dogs? **

***ducks from the thrown keyboards***

**Like she would end up with Jake… even with his AMAZING abs, he's still a slobberer. Not even Bella would stoop that low…. **

**More tomorrow. Dear me… it's looking like I keep updating 2x in a day. It won't last, dears. Buffer chapters make updating a happy thing. Back to once a day once they're back at school. **

**Nighty night!**

**MWAH!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Super short note- this one's long! MWAH!**

**T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever) by will. i. am **

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 9: Hello, my name is Edward Cullen**

**EPOV**

"Edward, you have to go to school tomorrow."

I felt the tightening in an automatic response. I had avoided her for days. And just the mention of school had my body strung tight again in anticipation. I had been doing so well, down to eight times a day again, albeit every one of those times had a certain brunette starring in the visuals.

But then again I had hidden in my room the entire weekend, so it stood to reason that I was only fooling myself with hiding.

"Is something going on at school?" Carlisle asked from his desk.

I swallowed and shook my head, struggling to look up at him. He believed me more when I could look him in the eye.

"Esme said you were more distant this weekend than usual," he started.

"I'm not struggling with anything at school," I deflected. "I just didn't feel well. I'll go. I'll try."

Same empty promise. Same probable outcome.

I'd be in the bathroom in between classes, cock in hand.

Thinking of _her._

"I brought you some medicine to try, Edward."

I looked up at him in shock. This was new.

"No way," I replied gruffly. I wasn't going to become some mindless limpdick.

He nodded and looked down at the papers, effectively hiding his reaction from me.

"It would make things less stressful for everyone," he murmured and looked up at me with pained eyes.

"I didn't ask you to help me," I breathed.

I had been fine before he knew.

I think.

"I just care about your well being, Edward," he maintained. "This activity will only hurt you as you get older."

I remained silent. It never worked well if I argued.

"Whatever is going on at school, we can work through it. If it's a girl we need to discuss it. Perhaps putting you in school was a bad idea."

I stood at his remark, feeling the subject getting way too close to the subject of Bella for me to continue this conversation.

"It's nothing to do with school," I grumbled and escaped to my room, searching out my IPod to drown my thoughts to angry music. I had hoped to talk to Carlisle about seeing his friend, but his idea of pulling me from school altogether made me lose any courage in asking for help.

I refused to think I had issues that would force me away from her.

"Hey, Edward."

I looked over at my door, grimacing when I noticed my brother, Emmett standing there.

"What?" I asked irritably. I didn't have any patience for my over exuberant jockhead brother.

It's not like we ran in the same social circles. If he didn't come and sit at dinner with us, I'd never know he was my brother.

"You going to school tomorrow?" he whispered loudly from the door.

Eyeing him cautiously, I nodded. His face broke out in a shit-eating grin and he tapped on the doorframe hard.

"I'll know to stay out of the bathroom stalls then!" he cackled and tossed me a small bottle, disappearing before I could throw it back at him.

He still held a grudge against me for having to move here.

Not that he was doing poorly. He was on the football team and he had his pick of who he could bang. He had sex anytime he wanted, with no evaluations from the good doctor.

_Fucker. _

Of course, Carlisle also thought Emmett was a good boy.

Emmett had done more than I had ever done. He was fucking the head cheerleader now and I heard she liked it rough.

_Asshole._

I looked down at the bottle and shrugged.

It was the Intense crap. The kind that had menthol or whatever that made it more… intense.

Whatever.

I was out of lube anyway.

And I had a feeling I'd need it tomorrow.

A few times.

No matter how hard I fought against it, I doubted I would be able to refuse my urges once I saw her again.

Sure enough, I seemed to cross Bella's path on several occasions during the course of the day.

As soon as I pulled in Monday morning, my mood dark and my music darker, I stepped out of my car to see her disappearing into the school, her face in profile to me. I took a deep breath and struggled to remain out of the bathroom.

It lasted only until second period when I saw her walking towards the History classrooms.

She was laughing and talking with the Webber girl. I liked her laughter.

She was wearing those jeans again.

I noticed Newton checking out her ass just as I did.

The idea of him touching her fine ass and not me made me see red and my next session was a little more forceful than usual. I was late to class, but I didn't care. In my mind I had flattened Newton out cold and then took Bella furiously in front of everyone against her locker.

That should have lasted me until Biology.

But again just before fourth period as she followed behind Lauren and Jessica like a timid rabbit, I jerked off to images of her in a white dress as I dirtied her up in the woods against a tree.

I was starting to feel the abuse I was subjecting myself to.

So I made a solemn pledge I'd keep my hand off my dick until after Biology.

Until after I talked with her.

And maybe even touched her.

I wondered if her skin was as soft as it looked.

Did she use lotion? Is that why she smelled so good?

Was her hot?

I wasn't helping matters as I thought on these things as I shuffled into the lunchroom, intent on eating my lunch and ignoring the pain in my jeans.

That was the plan at least.

And then she had to walk in.

Oblivious to me as she glided to the lunch line and started fingering the fruit.

I couldn't take it anymore when I saw her pick up the banana and hold it firmly in her hand as she clutched it to her breast. It fit well there.

I wanted to be that banana.

Thrusting.

Fuck.

Who needs to eat anyway?

I found myself back in the bathroom, struggling to come quickly so I could wait for her in the class. But I was harder than I had been in a long time, and knowing I'd see her in a few minutes made it more difficult. I closed my eyes and imagined her again in the lunch line, only this time she was looking at me and teasing me with that banana, her eyes dark with lust as she took it into her mouth.

Deep.

"Ohhh, yeah."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, trying to concentrate. Her tongue on the tip, just before she took it in, her eyes closing as she enjoyed how deeply she could take it. And then it wasn't a piece of fucking fruit, it was me and she was humming and twisting her mouth around me super tight.

Slick and hot and fuck so tight.

"_Fuck yeah."_

"Edward?"

My eyes shot open, my hand stilled on my cock and I tried to hold my breath, but the burn in my lungs only made me cough.

"Fuck man, again?"

Fucking Emmett.

"Leave me alone, Emmett. I'm trying to take a dump in peace," I growled, hearing how pathetic my voice sounded.

It sounded like I had run a marathon, it was so breathless.

"Dude, whatever. But you were moaning. Get some fiber in your system. Or did you forget the lube?"

I shoved myself back into my pants and readjusted, making sure my sweatshirt was hiding anything before I flushed and threw open the door, scowling at my brother. He merely grinned and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Fuck off, Emmett," I groused and busied myself with washing my hands.

"Just looking out for you man. You don't need Carlisle getting a phone call from the principal because of your frequent visits," he said, chuckling and shaking his head.

"I've barely been in today, asshole," I mumbled and scrubbed a little harder. The new lube took longer to get off.

Maybe that was why I was taking so long.

"Whatever, man. Don't make it so we have to move again. I'm liking this school. There's some hotties here," he said and wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I grunted and pushed past him just as the bell rang.

So much for a quick yank to get me through Biology.

Because I only felt myself stiffen more as soon as I stepped into the classroom.

Because the object of my obsession was sitting there, watching me.

Hands tucked securely in my pockets; I crossed the room, her eyes tracking me like a tiger does a deer.

Since when did girls become so predatory?

Those dark eyes reminded me of my fantasy moments before and my cock twitched at the memory.

I swallowed and sat down carefully beside her, watching in agony as she licked her lips and turned towards me. I looked at the clock, cursing myself for getting here so early. I was going to have to talk.

Fuck. I wasn't ready.

Ok, like I practiced. Simple words. No touching.

"Um, sorry I didn't introduce myself" I murmured, trying hard to keep my eyes on her face and not on her suddenly heaving chest. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Bella," she whispered, her voice like honey. I felt that tingling tightness like just before I come clench at my stomach.

Fuck, could I come by her voice?

Absolutely. Especially if was screaming my name.

"You were gone," she continued softly and opened up her notebook, looking away shyly.

"Um, yeah. I was sick. Sorry," I replied lamely.

I grunted softly, not sure why I was apologizing. Her small smile made it worth it.

"So," I started, trying to make conversation.

"So," she repeated and nodded her head, a little nervous before she cleared her throat and pulled out some papers. "Um, I took notes for you. I don't know. Mitosis is pretty easy."

I had been watching her lips as she spoke, full and slightly moist as she had licked them.

And her voice, soft and melodic, made my body shiver.

I wished she would say my name.

Why was she looking at me funny?

"Thanks," I replied and reached out to take the notes from her hand.

I tried not to touch her, but her fingers were there. And I needed it like air. They were scorching hot against my own as I brushed over them. She stifled a little noise, like a gasp and withdrew her hand quickly.

I just wanted to grab her hand and shove it in my pants.

In front of everyone and enjoy how fast she could make me come.

"All right! Project announcements!" Mr. Banner exclaimed from the front of the class, startling both of us. I cleared my throat and turned away from her, trying to concentrate on Mr. Banner.

I needed a distraction in the worst way.

But after having touched her, my hand itched to do it again.

And again.

Everywhere.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: he can't quit her. And don't worry. I haven't forgotten counseling for him..**

**Got a nasty song you think will work for these kids? Let me know, I got Itunes cards to spend!**

**I'll try to update again today. Working late today. **

**MWAH! And thanks for reading! **

**steph**


	10. Chapter 10

**Good evening/morning! So much to do today at work! **

**So here we go! A little bit o Bella!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a depleted box of chocolate mini wheats, thanks to this chapter...**

**Eat You Up- BOA**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 10: Filling _and _satisfying.**

**BPOV**

He's here!

_He's here he's here he's here!_

Monday morning and already it was shaping up to be a good week. Pulling into the lot, cringing at the prospect of another boring day, I turned from my truck when I heard the bass beat across the parking lot. And there, pulling into the lot, was Edward Cullen. Nice car, although not what I thought he would drive given the tattered clothes I had seen him in that one day.

Volvo's were for rich kids.

He looked more like a motorcycle sort of guy.

Or a really old muscle car.

But the music fit him.

Nine Inch Nails.

_Nice._

I found myself smiling before I could hide it.

"Ugh I hate that song."

I jumped at Jessica's voice beside me, turning back at where she was scowling.

"He's totally fuckable, but that music is so degrading," she huffed and pulled me along with her towards the school, just as he was slipping out of his car.

I barely got a chance to see his wild hair before it was obscured by the hallway leading into the school.

I couldn't wait until sixth period. How would I get through the day, knowing he was there somewhere. I thought about the things I would say to him in Biology.

Introduce myself.

Smile.

Was it completely perverted that I hoped he was the hand-shaking sort?

I had thought of those hands all weekend and now all I wanted was to feel them against me.

And maybe more than just his hands.

"Bella? Were you in fantasyland?" Angela asked, smirking. "That was a pretty intense look you had."

I blushed and couldn't help but laugh. I was discovering that Angela was a lot like me. And that helped distract me for a little while as she chatted with me about her exploits with Ben. For a little bit, I didn't think about what would happen if he wasn't interested at all.

Sixth period just seemed so far away.

Lunch was a nervous waste of time. I couldn't think of eating. What if I got something stuck in my teeth? Or dripped on my shirt? Or ate something that gave me bad breath?

My mind was not on food.

"Earth to Bella?"

I turned quickly, smiling at Angela as she waved her hand in front of me to move me along in the line for food. I rushed through, grabbing whatever I could so I could sit and maybe get something in me.

Well….

I clutched at whatever I had grabbed and realized I was feeling up my banana, in front of everyone.

God I was a mess!

He's just a boy!

A boy who invaded every thought in my head during lunch.

I couldn't eat my banana without thinking about something else in my mouth.

He had to be packed. I swallowed an extra large piece, wondering if I could ever manage something like that.

I mean I was a small person. Where did it all go? It's not like women were bottomless.

He was the kind of guy that would hurt. Why did that make my stomach flip flop?

I thought Forks was supposed to be cold? Why am I sweating?

Shaking my head, I tried to act like normal. But I wasn't fooling myself, no matter what I tried.

I pretended to listen to Jessica and Lauren talk about a trip to Port Angeles.

Eric spoke animatedly with Angela over some new article for the paper.

All I wanted was for the bell to ring so I could hurry to Bio.

My heart dropped when I walked in, my table glaringly empty. Would he not be here?

Maybe he was in the bathroom.

Right, jerking off so he didn't scare me.

I felt my thighs tighten at that. The idea of his hand in his pants leaving little room in them as he played with himself, that was a nice visual that I entertained for a few minutes while the classroom filled up. Maybe he needed help.

I could just go in there, and give him a hand.

Or two.

I'd had a banana. I was prepped and ready to go.

Imagine my surprise when I blinked from my fantasy to see him in the doorway.

Looking hot and dangerous as he stared directly at me, his cheeks a little flushed and his eyes intently on me as he made his way over.

And just to get me more hot and bothered, he had both hands tucked firmly in his jeans pockets.

Like it took both of them to corral the best beneath the buttons.

_Lord have mercy. _

He could so be the kebab to skewer my cherry tomato.

He seemed nervous beside me, only making my own nerves rise as he glanced at me while making introductions.

Could his voice be any sexier? Like rough silk dragged over my tender parts.

I was sure my nipples were already making introductions. I had no control over my body around him.

Thighs tightly clenched. Heart had run away with my voice it seemed, because I could barely manage a whisper.

"Um, I took notes for you. I don't know. Mitosis is pretty easy," I babbled. I swallowed and pulled the papers out for him to have.

My meticulous notes that I had rewritten three times this weekend so they looked legible.

His soft thank you was lost on my ears.

Because they were roaring with the rush of blood as his long fingers grazed over mine, lingering lightly before pulling away excruciatingly slow with the papers.

Leaving me to feel the burning of his ghost touch across my knuckles. I tucked my hand back towards me, wanting to cradle that delicious burn that made my skin shiver everywhere.

Holy hell his touch reduced me to a quivering mass!

I could only imagine what it would do if he touched anywhere else on my begging body.

And those eyes looked deeply into mine, like deep dark pools I wouldn't mind skinny-dipping in.

I wanted to be captured in that looked forever.

He licked his lips and I watched him swallow deeply, enjoying the way his long neck moved as he did so. His dark eyes trapped me in his gaze for only a moment before he was turning away, jaw clenched tight.

I wondered what it would take to unclench that jaw.

Was his stubble rough along it?

I bet he tasted great. Filling _and _satisfying.

His lips looked so soft as they pouted there, puckering as he swallowed again.

I found it difficult to look away from the sight of his profile.

What was it about Edward Cullen that made me want to just get naked and beg him to fuck me senseless.

That bulge had something to do with it, no doubt.

And for creepy hot guy to get one both times he sat by me.

Either he was hot for Biology or maybe he liked me.

The odds weren't stacked so far against me that I could believe Biology would win out.

And judging by that bit of happiness in Edward's jeans, I could really lose my virginity but good…

Shit, he's looking at me at me again!

I turned and tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying.

"You're to work with your table mate on this project. It's a lesson in life. You'll be working closely, so I hope you're friendly!"

I glanced at Edward, seeing him swallow hard. He looked at me sideways and tried to smile.

Was he sweating?

My body was still stuck on the fluttery feeling in my stomach at the idea of being paired up with Creepy Hot Guy. And having to be friendly.

Well it was Biology. Could it be _naked _friendly?

I wanted to know about every little nook and cranny of him; be the butter to his English muffin.

God, I was starving suddenly, and each and every time I glanced at him, all I saw was something to eat.

Who was the weird one?

No wonder he was sweating.

"All right! So you all know about the Health class project we make you do, you know, the one with the egg, and you have to take care of it? Well this is a little more in depth!" the teacher exclaimed.

A collective groan from most of the students filled the room.

Only Edward and I were quiet.

He was clenching his fists. Me… well. I don't think I had stop clenching. My thighs were getting the best workout ever.

Mr. Banner pulled up a box from the floor, and produced a bag of flour in his hands, showing it to everyone with a broad smile. He plopped on at each table, setting ours in between us.

I looked at the sack in confusion.

Were we baking? In Biology?

I was great at baking!

I could make Creepy Hot guy my special pie.

"Introducing your children!"

"Oh, fuck me," Edward murmured hoarsely beside me.

All I could think of was _yes please_.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I was hungry while writing this… Much food was harmed in the making of this chapter. **

**A few of you guessed what the Bio Project was… but there is a twist to it… It's more than simply carrying around your sack and taking care of it… hehehehe**

**More tomorrow!**

**Thanks for all the great song suggestions!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	11. Chapter 11

**Happy Friday!**

**Only one update today. But its long (by wordy girl drabbles)!**

**What could this project be and how will Edward deal with having her as a partner?**

**Stephenie Meyer Twilight…This Steph owns a lot more nasty music for writing!**

**Whoop There it Is- Tag Team**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 13: Pinky…. on bare flesh**

**EPOV**

"Introducing your children!" he exclaimed and started passing out the flour bags, one per table.

This was bad.

I hated these experiments.

I killed my tamagachi pet.

I mean this was just a bag of flour, but still.

Mike Newton had immediately dropped his, the flour spilling out everywhere. Mr. Banner looked over at him and shook his head before continuing.

"Like the egg experiment, you have to take care of your little bundle. But the since this is an AP biology class, you are also going to have to deal with some other issues you didn't in Health class," he said and returned to his desk, pulling out a pile of envelopes.

I could feel my chest tightening. How close would we need to get?

Close, I hoped...and feared.

"Each couple will have something special about their bundle. Something they need to research in order to take care of their child. I've also added a little extra something to it. You'll see that each of you have a particular profile as well attached," he said, smiling as he handed the envelopes to each of us.

Bella held on to ours, a frighteningly manic look on her face as she glanced from the sack to me and then down at the mystery envelope. Like she was excited to do this sick and twisted thing with me.

How had this happened? I was either blessed, or damned.

I got to be around her.

But that meant I would _be around her._

I wouldn't last five minutes.

We'd have to get more sacks of flour babies for what I wanted to do to my partner.

I mean it was Biology.

And I wanted nothing better than to get biological with her.

Deeply.

I guess I was blessed then. At least I wasn't Newton.

"Mike and I can't be a couple!" Eric Yorkie said, looking down at his broken bag of flour.

"Think of it as 2 1/2 dads Eric," Mr. Banner replied. "Or in this case. ½ a dad."

"I think it's cute! You're like the token gay couple!" Lauren exclaimed, only to realize she was paired with Jessica.

"I bet 2 dads are better than 2 moms!" Mike shot back and high fived Eric, who winced slightly.

"Regardless," Mr. Banner continued. "This is a semester long project. You have to research why your child would have the issues you have been given, what it is to take care of your special child, and budget your time and your salary, based on your profile. And at the end of the semester, you will do an oral report on your findings of how to take care of a special needs child in this world! So get to know your partner, and decide who gets first dibs!"

This was insane.

I had no chance in hell of getting through this with her. Already I wanted to name the thing Junior and ask her if she liked them by the dozen. Because I could practice that with her at least a dozen times a day if she'd let me.

I looked over at Bella, who was suddenly flushed and chewing on her lip.

"Um. Did you want to read over the profile now?" Bella asked, whisper quiet. "Or maybe later, after school?"

I looked up from the sack to see her face flush a little darker.

Was she like… asking me out?

"Uh," I stammered.

I was brilliant.

And all my blood was in my pants.

This was not the distraction I needed!

"I mean, we could do it here," she said, blushing more and pushing her hair back behind her ear.

Her ears were scarlet. I wondered if they would burn my lips if I kissed them.

She glanced awkwardly at me and I realized I hadn't said anything.

"Right. Um. We could talk here," I said, licking my lips. "Or somewhere. Else."

She nodded nervously and looked up at the clock, biting that lip again.

She had really nice teeth. Good for biting.

Damn it, this wasn't going well. I was in pain now.

"Well, the bell's going to ring in a minute, so maybe we can meet at the library or something after school?" she asked, her timid eyes capturing mine.

"Um, yeah, okay."

"Okay, well. Do you want it first?" she asked, blushing a little more deeply.

Damn, did I ever. Of course I might be selfish and just do it and blast off before she had even had a chance to take her first excited gasp.

"I mean I can take it first," she continued and reached out towards the flour sack.

Oh, right… fake kid.

"Yeah, sure. Ladies first," I said just as the bell rang. I stood quickly, my desk jostling the flour sack, both of us jumping forward to catch it.

Mouth, dangerously close.

She smelled like bananas. Shit.

How she held it.

Her hands, over mine.

Hot. Really, really hot. And gripping.

And her chest was pressed into my arm.

I could feel her heart racing. Or was it mine?

And there against my bare bicep… I could feel it even through her shirt, poking.

"I gotta go!" I breathed and slipped past her, knowing she had a firm grasp on the sack.

Oh fuck, I was going to blow in my pants. I knew it.

My problem before with not being able to get off was definitely no trouble this time.

Seconds in.

Thinking of her grasping and I was done for.

I waited in my usual stall until the warning bell, knowing that with last period, there would be lingering in the bathrooms. When I was sure everyone had gone, I cleaned up and made it to History just as the late bell sounded.

I don't know why I bothered coming to class. My mind was nowhere near the Civil War.

More like the Battle of the Bulge.

I frowned at my thoughts and concentrated on the clock instead.

Forty-five minutes until I could see her pert breasts hiding behind that loose shirt.

The minute hand dragged on.

Thirty-seven minutes until I could sneak a peak to see what color her bra was today.

I tried to ignore the throbbing in my jeans.

Thirty-two till her shapely ass.

Twenty-four until I maybe accidently brushed her hair off her shoulder, just to see what it felt like.

Nineteen minutes until I could see her dark eyes gazing into mine, hopefully asking.

Fourteen to see her smile, I hoped.

Nine to realize that I would never touch her or make her smile because I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing more.

Three before I retreated to the bathroom again, my willpower shattered.

Late by five minutes because the damn lube that Emmett gave me was just not cutting it.

Late by ten because I had to turn my shirt inside out and zip up my sweatshirt.

So it was no surprise when I finally stepped into the library that she was not there.

I glanced around, my high from the anticipation of being close to her all alone dying at the sight of all the empty tables. Why would she wait for me? I was sure she had better things to do.

I turned to leave, but not before I caught movement near the back of the reference section. I craned my neck to look down the long aisle way. Near the end, standing on one of those old wooden ladders, was the backside I had dreamt of pounding for five days now.

I smirked at the idea of sneaking up on her, startling her so that I could just happen to catch her in my arms.

Who knew she startled so easily.

I'd only opened my mouth and taken in a breath.

She let out a shriek and toppled from the ladder, my arms catching her in a less than gallant way than I had imagined.

I had kept her from falling, but this was perhaps worse than letting her bust her ass on the ground.

Because her ass was pushed tight against me as I felt myself stiffening yet again. I'm sure she felt it stirring against the small of her back. My hand tightened around her hip reflexively, pressing her closer.

And my other hand was spread out across her front.

Palm across her trembling stomach.

Pinky… on bare flesh

Thumb….nestled in between her breasts.

Index finger… firmly placed over puckered skin.

My hips flexed on instinct.

I could have maybe recovered from this, just by moving my hand slightly to safer spots. Let her go even.

If she hadn't let out a strangled noise and lean into me a little harder.

Fuck that noise sounded good. And urged my body on.

With her movement, my fingers slipped, rubbing her lightly and feeling her nipple tighten harder from it. I could feel the softness of her breast under my fingers, more yielding than I gave them credit for.

That soft noise vibrated through her again, forcing its way through me. It made me clutch at her a little more forcefully, grinding. My nose buried into the silk of her hair beside her neck and breathing in her sweetness. It was stronger at the base of her neck, like she had been sweating earlier.

I wanted to make her sweat.

And then I wanted to lick her.

My tongue was sliding out of my mouth when the sick realization finally hit me.

I was feeling the new girl up.

Grinding into her in mindless ecstacy.

In the library.

Having just scared her.

I did the only thing my brain seemed to allow.

"I gotta go."

And I let her go to stumble and turn to watch me as I fled. I didn't chance a look back.

I didn't want to see the rage in her eyes at having been violated.

But I could still feel her body against mine, even on the drive home. My fingers tingled where I had felt her breast. I could smell her on my upper lip, and in my nose.

And her noise danced around in my head, begging to question.

Was it pleasure or terror?

Shit.

Carlisle was going to kill me if he found out.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I think, MGB, you'll discover Bella has no issues with a little Bump N'Grind.**

**But I guess we'll have to see. **

**Will post the next one tomorrow, folks… I know I know… cruel…**

**Have a great Friday! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	12. Chapter 12

**Happy weekend! Let's see how Bella did with her library time…**

**SM Owns Twilight… I own a fresh bunch of bananas. Hubs has no idea….**

**Put Your Hands On Me- Joss Stone**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 12: Fingers…spread.**

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe my luck!

I'd be talking with him, intimately! Over biology, sure. But still! This was a semester long project!

My only reservations were that he was not nearly as enthusiastic as I was over this.

Sure, we had to share responsibilities for Flour Child. But that was easy really. I had been babysitting since I could look after myself back in Phoenix.

But to have more time with him, that was going to be thrilling.

And I couldn't wait to sit with him in the library and learn a little more about him.

Hear his voice. Maybe feel his fingers against mine again.

To feel him closer to me.

I blushed at the lingering warmth that still heated where he had touched. I had to step out of our volleyball game for a minute to hide in the bathroom. I grinned at that, humored by the fact that I needed a minute in the bathroom to control my sudden dirty thoughts of Edward Cullen.

Not like I'd touch myself in the stalls, I just needed to close my eyes and clear my head without getting it pummeled by a volleyball.

I may not have wanted to get too sweaty either.

I wanted to look decent for the library.

I was stepping through the door when I slammed face first into a solid wall of muscle.

"Easy there!"

I looked up in surprise at the deep voice, discovering the wall was a guy, coming out of the _girl's _restroom.

"What?" I stammered. "What are you doing in there?"

He looked down at me with wicked eyes, his cheeks dimpling up as he grinned. He looked like a six foot cherub with those cheeks and curly hair.

"No harm done, just got the wrong door," he replied playfully and looked back past me. "Skipping out of volleyball?"

I pulled away from him so that he could step past me and let me pass.

"None of your business," I replied haughtily.

"Or are you needing a few minutes _alone_?" he continued, his voice even more wicked than his wiggling eyebrows.

"Eww," I replied disgustedly. "You're a perverted ass."

I pushed past him, trying to ignore his loud laughter. As soon as I passed the sinks, I saw what he had been in here for.

She was pulling her long blond hair back into a tight ponytail. She glanced at me for a second with a cool calculated glare before returning to her hair. I looked away from her, needing no reminder that the likes of her would always get the hot guys on the football team.

Even if they were jerks.

Cheerleaders always got whom they wanted.

I slumped into the stall, my high from my brief moment with Edward quickly depleted by thoughts of doubt.

Would he think me strange if I asked him out?

I wondered if there were tucked away cubicles in the library that fit two.

Shaking my head, I closed it and tried to think of something benign to concentrate on, so I wouldn't think about Edward Cullen.

But no matter what, everything went back to him.

Like the Seven degrees of Edward Cullen.

The bathroom was a mess… I wondered what the boy's bathroom looked like. And that drew me to him.

I was starving, having only had a banana for lunch. Yep… Edward.

My gym shirt was too tight… my left nipple was rebelling. Edward's bicep made it do that.

I needed to shave. I had stubble starting on my knee. And elsewhere needed some serious attention….I wondered if Edward liked waxed or shaved.

I groaned and huffed back out of the restroom, feeling more pent up than I had before.

Perhaps playing a danger sport like volleyball would help.

As long as I didn't get sweaty.

Three failed attempts at trying to hit the ball and feigning a hurt wrist, they blessedly benched me.

Which didn't help my idle thoughts, especially when I looked to the far end of the gym to catch that giant football player leaning in to whisper to the head cheerleader. I watched as his hand drifted up her short skirt, closer to her ass, and her heated look as he touched her.

So not fair…

They should get a room.

I should take notes.

Skirts= good access.

I didn't own any skirts. _Figures._

I turned away from the sick public display of jock love and watched the clock instead.

I was not obsessing about meeting him in the library.

Not at all.

Why did time slow down when you had someplace you wanted to be?

It was an unbearably long fifteen minutes of sitting in the hot gym before Coach Clapp finally let us go change.

I think he was impressed by my sprint.

I could move when I wanted to.

And now I wanted to move as quickly as I could to the library.

Couldn't be late. What if he thought I stood him up and left before I got there?

I rushed to get my clothes on, cursing my shoelaces when they wouldn't cooperate quickly enough. Grabbing the flour child and my backpack, a dashed across the quad lawn, not caring about the drizzle. I slipped slightly at the entrance to the library, my sneakers still wet. I ignored the scowl from the librarian and instead looked around to see if he was here yet.

Still five minutes before the last dismissal bell.

Maybe he was still in class.

Where to wait?

The front tables looked too eager.

And too out in the open.

Cubicles then.

Nope, they were strategically placed so the front desk could keep an eye on dirty minded high schoolers.

This place was tough on intimate!

I walked around towards the reference section, grinning when I found the small table by the Science section.

It was like it was meant to be.

I smiled widely and readjusted the seats so I could see the front door from where I sat. I could see him come in and wave him down.

But not too enthusiastically.

I didn't want to look desperate.

I wasn't. Just a little excited.

All right, all lot excited, but that wasn't a bad thing.

I pulled out all the materials we'd need. The mystery envelope was tempting to open and read. But I'd wait for him. This was a partnership, after all.

The bell rang. My nerves shot up, making me too warm in my sweatshirt. I slipped it off and fluffed at my hair a little, hoping it hadn't frizzed out in the rain.

Five minutes.

Maybe he had to use the restroom. It seemed his usual thing.

I wondered what he did in there.

I felt my cheeks warm up at the raunchy thoughts I had. I'm sure he didn't jack off here in school. Unless he liked it in public places.

Hmmm. That would be crazy. And hot. Until my dad was called in on us.

I shook my head and straightened my papers again for the tenth time.

He wasn't really late. It took time to get from class to the opposite end of school.

Unless you ran.

I hadn't really run. More like speed walked.

Ten minutes late.

I had to distract myself. I could already feel the depressive emotions filtering in at being stood up.

I'd just peek at the profiles.

Maybe.

No.

Wait.

Move around, maybe you missed him.

I stood and peeked past the bookshelves.

It was still just the old lady at the front desk and I.

I shouldn't look like I'm waiting. I should look like I'm busy.

I'll look for books for our research.

I should look at the profile.

He wouldn't mind, right?

I should wait.

Maybe get a book down on the reproductive system.

We can look at diagrams of penises and vaginas. Ewww. Like really bad porn.

Look busy.

Of course the biology books are up high.

And the ladder in the aisle looked older than the librarian.

Just grab a geology book. It was low on the shelves.

I should just open the envelope. Screw him.

_If only. _

I was reaching for a book on the upper shelf when I heard someone behind me. A flash of bronze and a soft noise and I startled, my foot slipping on the rung.

I wasn't prepared for him showing up like he just magically appeared. Materialized.

Directly behind me.

Hair mussed worse than usual.

Eyes searching me out.

With me falling.

Figuratively and literally.

I was never very coordinated for thinking and climbing and gasping.

But his arms were around me. And suddenly nothing else mattered in the world.

Everything seemed to slow down and I felt everything in that spit second.

The heat of him against my back, powerful and hard along the length of me.

Hands. Fingers spread out.

On my hip, his thumb just underneath my waistband.

Fingers.

Enveloping.

Nipple… God that feels…

Did I just moan?

My neck was warm from his breath. Closer.

Oh my God he's against me. Pushing. Holding. Push back.

Feeling. Tingling. Hotter.

Hard. Getting harder.

Fingers moving. Tracing. Touching.

Oh dear God, yes.

Please.

Moving.

Wait.

Stumbling.

"I gotta go."

I…wait…

Take a breath.

Inhale. Open your eyes.

The last thing I saw was him looking over his shoulder as he stumbled down the aisle way and then fled through the doors of the library like I was Medusa.

And then gone.

Leaving me breathless and trembling as I never have before.

_What._

_The._

_Fuck?_

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: You can be sure Bella's going to be freaking out now. **

**These two need an intervention….**

**More soon. If I can get some more written tonight, I will try to post an extra chapter tomorrow, so we can be back on track with Edward on Monday. We'll see. **

**Until then. Have a great weekend! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	13. Chapter 13

**Morning everyone! Oh okay its afternoon here in LALA land… even still, it's morning somewhere! **

**Let's see how Edward is doing (and overreacting to be sure) after the library. **

**SM owns Twilight…. Me? I just want deleted extras… yes, I'm a perv like that…**

**Something I Can Never Have- NIN**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 13: I knew she was crying.**

**EPOV**

"Shit."

"Shit! Shit shit shit!"

I pounded on my steering wheel harder with each exclamation.

What did I just do?

She'll never talk to me now.

Let alone let me touch…

"SHIT!"

I drove around aimlessly, avoiding going home so that I could keep my mouth shut over what I had done.

Lie.

I could just lie to Carlisle.

Of course every time he discovered my lies, I would lose my privileges.

What would she cost me?

Internet?

Phone?

My car?

Fuck.

I didn't care anymore. He could take it all now.

Long after it was dark, hours after I should have been home, I finally pulled in to the house. I could see the lights on still. He would still be up. And demand what had happened.

Because everything about my actions related to my issue.

I sighed into the steering wheel and sat there in the dark for a few minutes.

I could get through tonight.

I always did.

But tomorrow.

How did I get through tomorrow with Bella upset with what I had done?

I hadn't meant to.

_Fuck._

Why did she have to come here?

Why did she have to be what I wanted?

Why did it have to be her?

Shaking my head at blaming her, I slowly crawled out of the car so that I could go inside and face the music, so to speak.

But instead, I heard a very different kind music as I stepped inside.

The piano, coming from the back room.

I looked around carefully, expecting Carlisle to be around every corner, waiting to spring some intervention trap on me. To my surprise, he was nowhere to be found, and as I turned the last corner to the music room, I swallowed down my torn emotions on my fucked up life.

Esme sat there at the piano, playing a soft tune she had always played for me when I had first arrived with them. It had been the only comfort I had found. It was like my security blanket, my special stuffed bear. She had written it herself, and it was the comfort I needed right now.

Esme's song calmed me and drew me into the room silently, her playing never wavering even when I moved in to sit beside her. Her hands slipped away as mine took over the melody, my breath coming more smoothly as I felt the music wash over me at my fingertips.

How had I forgotten this?

I missed this so much.

Life had become so convoluted the last year or so. I had given up something I had enjoyed. A childhood joy exchanged for something more mature, but so much less gratifying. I missed being the little boy who knew very little about life.

I missed this.

My fingers played over the keys, another song I knew by heart echoing in the air. I felt my mom lean into me, her arm rubbing slow circles across my back, so soothing.

Did she know that this would calm me?

Did she know that I was lost?

"I missed you," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

I knew she was crying.

She always did when I played, but this was more.

"I missed you, too," I murmured and let my fingers still over the keys, resting lightly over them without sounding them in the air.

"We'll figure something out, Edward," she continued, her hand rubbing over my tense shoulders. "I promise. It'll get better."

I shook my head and kept my eyes on the keys. I didn't want to see her disappointment.

"I have dinner set aside for you. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head and played a few notes, my thoughts swirling in my head over the events of the day and the sudden rekindling of feelings over the music.

"I want to play for a while," I replied softly.

She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, sliding off the bench to give me my space. She was at the door when she turned back and called after me softly. I finally drew my eyes up to look at my mom, her smile tender as she spoke.

"When you're ready, Edward," she said. "I'm always here for you."

She closed the door behind me, leaving me to play in solitude.

I expected Carlisle to interrupt me while I was in there; sure he knew it was probably an avoidance tactic. He'd need to know about today, and wouldn't give me this time I needed. But in all honesty, the music was therapeutic in a different way. While I played, my mind drifted over everything troubling me. I could look at it from a different perspective when my hands and body worked to make music. It was like being two people at once. And with that, I could think a little more clearly. Without the body interfering.

Why hadn't this been a day before, so that what happened today would not have happened?

My hands stuttered against the keys and I stalled them again, leaning my head low. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. But even I could tell I was choked up.

I had fucked up everything.

I had scared her. She would never forgive me.

I was sure by the look in her eyes, she was outraged.

Nothing I could do but apologize and hope she didn't press assault charges.

Maybe jail time was what I needed.

Then I'd never see her again.

Even now, having terrified her, I wanted to see her again.

Tomorrow.

Today, if I looked at the clock right as I slowly made my way to my bedroom.

I was exhausted, so much so that I collapsed in my bed, still clothed.

It didn't matter.

I was in no mood to do anything but hope for no dreams.

For once, my dreams didn't tease me.

I slept with no thoughts.

And when the alarm went off, I simply rolled out of bed and put my shoes on again, not caring about my clothes or the state of my hair.

Or my dick. It could stay hard for all I cared.

I only cared about one thing.

Saying I'm sorry.

And hoping she didn't hate me.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I know, poor Edward. And before you bombard me with questions, no. This incident did not CURE him. He still has issues, but perhaps Esme is onto something with this music thing... **

**Moms do know best…**

**Another chapter later tonight! I have plans for this next week for these two! Drabbles… The suspense is killing me!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy evening! A little Bella to round out our Sunday…**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Showtime with endless Twilight repeats…at least until midnight… **

**Breakin Dishes- Rhianna**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 14: Did I make him nervous?**

**BPOV**

I didn't sleep.

At all.

Aside from all the pent up frustrations brought on by Creepy Hot Guy and my over analysing why he would leave me high and not so dry; Charlie had called to say he was working the overnight shift, leaving me alone in a creaking old house. I had left most of the lights on to try and comfort me, and while I dozed for a few minutes here and there on the couch, I couldn't bring myself to sleep in my bed, with so many ways to get into the house.

So instead, I spent several hours on the computer researching the Flour child.

Yeah, I opened the envelope without him.

Besides being pissed at him for the grope and dash, I was upset because he had left me to have to do our first assignment on our own.

_Give a brief explanation of your child's illness and how it would affect the parenting of that child. _

Our child, as I found out, was born blind. Nothing too much on that, and as I dug around on the Internet, I realized there were all sorts of reasons for blindness in children. And without more to go on than just being told our FC was blind, I had to come up with a paragraph detailing how that would affect us.

Won't affect the father, because he is not in the picture now, is he?

I frowned at my anger and looked through our profiles again.

I was a teacher, he was an artist.

I snorted and thought about how that would make living together difficult with a blind child.

Lower middle class, probably only renting a home. Our salaries were low.

And blind children could be expensive.

I rubbed at my eyes as the night outside started to dim to sunrise.

I typed up a quick synopsis of our fake life and the issues with our FC, and slumped away towards the shower.

I needed to wake up and try to get through the day with a smile and strength.

Even if I wanted to throttle the boy who made my Monday a day from hell.

I would not let him do that to me today.

I'd tell him I didn't appreciate being led on and felt up.

I'd tell him he had to make me understand his reasoning or I would make his life harder than it already was.

Every pun intended.

I intentionally wore my skinny jeans and my top he liked from the first day.

I was playing dirty.

I knew.

So why was I curling into myself when I walked into the Biology classroom to find him there already, his back straight and hands clasped tightly together on the top of the desk. You could feel the tension in his frame from across the room.

But he was watching me with dark eyes.

I felt my heart clench and my stomach flip flop.

Traitorous body. I was going to make him squirm. I wanted to be mad.

Where was the anger from earlier?

"Hey."

Hey," I replied softly and put our flour child on the table top in between us. I busied myself with getting my notes out for the class period, as well as the paragraph that was due for the day. I slid it towards him, but refused to look up and get lost.

I wanted him to say…

"I'm sorry," he whispered, surprising me. Could he read my mind?

"What?"

He swallowed and clenched that pretty jaw of his before looking a little more intently at me.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "About…yesterday. What I did. It was wrong. I shouldn't have done that to you."

"Oh," I replied quietly, not as happy about the apology as I had hoped.

What had I hoped?

Kiss and make better?

I turned away and looked down at my notes, the scrawling mess indecipherable.

"I just don't think we should be friends," he continued, and I could tell from my periphery that he was still watching me.

"Sure," I whispered. "It's just a Bio project. I wasn't looking for a best friend or anything."

"It's just better if we work on this maybe separately."

I glanced at him and was confused by the look on his face. He seemed upset over something. Frustrated maybe. And he was breathing a little harder.

Did I make him nervous?

"Mr. Banner said we had to work together," I said, a little confused. Hadn't he just said he was sorry?

"Well, maybe you'd be better off working with Mike Newton or someone else," he said, his tone a little strained.

"I don't," I started only to be interrupted by Mr. Banner starting class.

I reluctantly looked away from Edward and tried to concentrate on the class.

But I kept thinking about what he had said.

He was trying to get out of working with me. Was he just embarrassed?

I chanced a glance at him, and wilted at the stiff back and tense jaw. His hands were still clenched on the tabletop.

He sat like that the entire period, and never looked my way. Like I didn't exist beside him.

And that made me angry.

Don't like me, fine.

But don't feel me up and then ignore me completely like I'm nothing!

The bell rang and I shoved my papers into my bag carelessly. I just wanted to get out of his sight now.

Not good enough for creepy guy to even be his lab partner?

Screw him.

"You cannot switch partners now, Mr. Cullen. You will have to come to an agreeable means with Miss Swan."

My head shot up to see Edward speaking with Mr. Banner. The teacher's eyes were on me and they looked pitiful.

Great, even the teacher pities me.

"I'll just have to deal with it," I heard Edward mutter and then look back at me, that tension he had held onto all period ten times worse now. "Library? After school?"

I gritted my teeth and hefted the flour child onto my hip.

"Fine," I hissed and strode past them out of the classroom.

I was definitely ready to play volleyball today.

Who knew you had to aim the ball before you hit it?

Poor Mike Newton would have a black eye for a week.

And that lumbering refrigerator football guy didn't help matters when I had to listen to him laugh at my misfortunate aim.

Asshole.

And this time I went to the library sweaty. I didn't care.

I waited a half an hour, knowing he wouldn't show up. He was a runner.

Well, I wasn't sure if he actually ran. But he could retreat like the best of them.

I drove home gnashing my teeth over men in general.

I'd stay a virgin forever if it meant keeping away from asshole men.

"Whoa there, Bells! Who slapped you with the angry stick?"

I growled at my dad before even realizing it was him, and then slumped into my chair like a rag doll in defeat.

"I hate people," I moaned deciding to include the whole human race and not just boys.

If I had said boys, Charlie would have cleaned his shotgun.

"What happened, Bells? Who do I need to arrest?"

I snorted at that and shook my head, looking up into the kind eyes of the only man I'd ever love.

"I love you, Dad," I whispered.

That always brought an awkward blush to my dad and his stuttering I love you back.

But this time, he looked at me thoughtfully and reached for my hand, grasping it tightly.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

I groaned and began the story of Biology, keeping out the parts that I found Creepy Hot Guy cute and all.

"So the Cullen kid ditched you? I'd be upset too, especially since I can't understand why he'd ask to switch places," Charlie said finally, scratching his head.

His hand paused and then he looked at me with a mischievious glint in his eye.

"Unless maybe he likes you," he said jokingly.

At least I think it was jokingly.

"He does not," I huffed.

"Well, it's early yet. I think you should go bang on his door and demand answers," he said simply.

I looked at my dad dumbfounded.

Go over… to a boys house?

Make demands…wasn't that like trespassing?

Go over… to a boys house?

Where was my dad the protective law officer?

"I don't know where he lives," I said instead.

"Well it's a good thing your dad is the Police Chief. I know where everyone lives!" he exclaimed and wrote down directions on the grocery list.

"I…I can't go over there, dad!" I argued.

No way did I want to see rejection twice in one day.

"I think you should. Show him you are a strong young woman who will not be messed with," he said, a proud look on his face. "You will not be stood up, not my girl."

I shook my head and moved to get up and retreat to my room.

"If you don't go I'll have to follow him around town in the cruiser. Maybe I'll pull him over a few times, threaten him with a ticket or two."

"Please! Don't!" I cried, mortified at how well that would go over.

He'd hate me even more.

"Go on over. Esme Cullen is a nice lady. I am sure he's just really shy. I've never had trouble with the Cullens. They're a quiet bunch that keeps to themselves. Except Emmett," he said, frowning. "Your partner is Edward, right? Not Emmett?"

"I don't even know Emmett, Dad," I said and pulled my backpack back on turning to leave.

"Good, Emmett's the wild one. I'd watch out for him," he said, wagging his finger at me.

"Fine, Dad. I have enough trouble with one Cullen. If I see another one, I'll run and call 911," I called as I shut the door.

I buckled in and pulled out, the rain starting up as I drove.

How did I know this was going to end badly?

Maybe because when I got there I had no plan for what I would tell his parents when they answered the door.

I stood there, in the wet and cold while his dad looked at me in mild shock when I introduced myself.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. Is Edward home?"

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Oh Boy…. What will Carlisle think of Bella? What will Edward think of her coming over to demand answers?**

**Don't fret folks… things are about to get clearer…**

**See you tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	15. Chapter 15

**Good morning! A new week! Thanks to so many that have pimped, and yelled and begged for more updates. Love you guys hard. Thanks for sticking it out, you dirty girls!**

**SM owns Twilight… I own a lot of nothing really. Air... I own a lot of hot air…**

**Hate Me- Blue October**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 15: You have a guest.**

**EPOV**

I was nothing but a chicken shit.

I made her think I was disinterested in her.

And it made me feel worse than I had in the morning.

The look on her face as she realized my outright rejection of her kept me from the bathrooms the rest of school, but by the time the dismissal bell rang, I was desperate to see her again.

To tell her that I was so much more interested in her than I should ever be.

I watched as she made her way to the library, the pout on her lips making them more plump than usual. And her hair was tied up in a messy ponytail.

Something to grab onto…

I growled low, scaring a few of the freshman walking past me.

As soon as she disappeared into the library, I took a step towards the building.

Just go in.

You can behave yourself.

Apologize to her. Beg. Plead for forgiveness.

Make those pouting lips smile.

Or pout for a different reason.

Fuck.

The interior of my car ended up the safest place for both of us.

It was better not to be around her.

I thought about driving around once more, nervous to meet with Carlisle today. Having not met with him the night prior, I was sure he would question everything. And doubt my answers I gave him today.

Five times today.

That was it.

He'd never believe me.

I scrubbed at my head as I drove, more confused now than when I had first come to this town.

Did I lie to him about Bella? Or lie to him about how many times I jacked off today?

I had already lost any chance at her, so what did I lose by saying something about her?

Maybe Carlisle could write a note explaining to Mr. Banner.

What exactly?

I was allergic to her?

I was screwed any way I looked at it.

I turned off onto our driveway and tried to gain enough courage to face my father.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I noticed his car was missing.

Maybe he was working the late shift.

I snuck into the house, heading up into the bathroom to wash away the day.

Which if course led to number six.

The idea of Bella in the library was to blame.

I could feel her again against me, and with pleasured guilt, I enjoyed a moment for just myself.

It was entirely too short-lived.

I wondered if I stood in there long enough, I could go for seven. Carlisle might believe seven and not question it.

I couldn't bring myself to try, feeling dirty now for still thinking of Bella that way.

I let the water wash away all the evidence and retreated to my bedroom. But I felt trapped in there as I paced and tried to settle down.

I kept thinking about leaving Bella at the library.

About how much angrier she'd be the next day.

What was I going to do then?

Pacing was helping only to make me more stressed. I needed to calm down.

And thanks to Esme, I realized the one place I needed to be was in the music room. The room invited me in like an old friend, and I immediately found some relief from my troubled thoughts. The music was easy to get back to. I found my fingers liked the touch of the cool keys; my ears enjoyed the sounds as they formed. My body calmed and I could even smile to myself as I played.

I'd have to thank Esme for showing me this bit of escape.

I could almost forget about _her._

I could forget about the last year.

About everything that had gone wrong.

I closed my eyes and continued to play, even when I heard the doorbell and then Carlisle's voice calling for me. It could wait.

"Edward?"

My hands paused over the keys to Esme's voice at the door.

Opening my eyes slowly, I turned to see her there at the door, a guarded smile on her face.

"Edward," she said again. "You have a guest."

I frowned at her words and stood slowly, confused at the idea I'd ever have a guest.

Her smile widened and she let me pass, walking towards the foyer where I could hear Carlisle talking. I froze in my place as I turned into the foyer, seeing the only person I never thought would ever step into my home.

"Bella."

She turned at the sound of my voice, her face a little pink and looking uncomfortable as she stood beside my father. She was drenched from the downpour outside, holding her backpack close to her chest as she studied the floor. She had a hard time looking me in the eye.

Carlisle on the other hand looked directly at me, a smug smile on his face.

"You didn't tell us about Bella, Edward," he said, and I could hear the accusation laced in his words.

"We were just paired up yesterday," Bella said quietly, glancing at me briefly before fiddling with her coat again.

"Please, come in, Bella. You look soaked. Edward, go get one of your sweatshirts while we dry Bella's," Esme was saying beside me.

I swallowed at the idea of Bella wearing my clothes, and was glad I had on a long sweatshirt myself as I felt the pull Bella had on me wake up once more. In order to distract me, I nodded and hurried upstairs to grab one of my clean sweatshirts. To say I was excited to have her wear it was one thing. The idea that I'd get it back and it would smell like her made me change into my jeans again.

The sweat pants I was wearing gave too much away.

Coming back downstairs I heard their voices in the dining room. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing for the worst. I walked in just as Carlisle was asking her about her recent move.

"I'm from Phoenix, actually," she was saying in that soft and timid voice I loved to hear. "I just moved here a couple of weeks ago."

Carlisle smiled and looked over at me, nodding as if he had put two and two together about my sudden change in my behavior.

"Bella was just telling us that you had a project that you are working on together," he said, his voice professional, his eyes taking in every move either one of us made.

Bella looked up at me, her eyes like a scared animal as she watched me walk in a little closer and hand her my sweatshirt.

"I just wanted to drop some stuff off for you," she started.

"Nonsense," Carlisle said brightly. "Stay for dinner! You two can work on your project until it's ready."

"Oh, I don't want to impose," she stammered and pushed my shirt back towards me.

Carlisle watched my stance stiffen when her hand accidently touched my stomach.

I was totally fucked now.

"It's no problem, sweetie," Esme explained and smiled down at her, Bella's face relaxing some at my mother's kind face.

My mom was like that. She could make anyone feel at home, even with monsters all around.

Bella looked up at me askance.

If I said no, she would be more upset and Carlisle would know I was guilty.

If I said yes, I could explain. And Carlisle would still know I was guilty.

But I could fix this.

See her.

Talk with her.

"Stay for dinner," I whispered. "We can talk… about the assignment."

"Excellent!" Carlisle exclaimed, startling both Bella and myself. "So what is the project on?"

Esme reached for husband's hand and laughed.

"I think they can talk about it without us intruding on them, Carlisle!" she said and looked at me intently. "We'll be in the next room if you need anything, sweetie."

Carlisle hesitated before clearing his throat and nodding, following her into the kitchen so that Bella and I were left alone.

_Alone. _

For the first time ever.

"Um," I said, sliding into a chair two places down from her.

"Edward, I didn't mean to be invited in like this," she rushed out in her quiet voice. "I was just really mad. I needed to know why you didn't come when you said you would. If it's about yesterday, I don't…"

I shook my head to silence her and looked at the door where I was sure Carlisle was listening, glass to the door to hear better.

Or maybe his stethoscope.

Regardless it was dangerous to talk with her about that.

I turned back to her to find her glaring at me.

"I'm sorry I didn't go to the library today," I whispered. She frowned and looked over at the door, as if understanding that I was trying to hide that from my parents.

Her face turned from anger to sadness in a blink of an eye and she nodded, pursing her lips at me before she spoke.

"It's fine. I get it," she whispered. "You don't want me here, I totally get it."

"No," I replied, a little too quickly.

More than anything, I wanted her here.

Just not so much in the dinning room. Esme would kill me if we broke the table.

I let out a harsh breath and tried to form the right words.

"I'm not good for you, Bella. I'm a bad person."

"I don't think your bad."

"You don't know me," I whispered and sat a little straighter when she slid into the seat beside me.

Too close.

Bella shook her head and opened her mouth to argue, when we both jumped at the sound of the dining room door opening hard.

"Hey!" my brother Emmett cried out and pointed at Bella. "What are you doing here?"

I looked from Bella to Emmett, at the bemused grin on Emmett's face, to the look of animosity all over Bella's.

"You're _Emmett Cullen_," she said, her voice taking on a dangerous edge to it.

"And you're here with Eddie?" he asked back, chuckling. "Well that makes sense."

And just like that, Emmett sauntered into the kitchen, laughing as he went.

I looked back at Bella who had her nose turned up and was blushing furiously.

"You know Emmett?" I asked quietly.

She let out a long breath and nodded.

"He's the jerk that I keep bumping into when I try to go into the girls bathroom at gym," she replied. "He's a perverted ass."

I couldn't help but to laugh. He was the perverted one.

She looked at me in surprise, a smile quivering on her lips for a second before she started to laugh with me.

I felt good sitting there laughing with her.

Perhaps this dinner was a good idea after all.

Then again, we had to get through it with my family there too.

That could make it hard.

In more ways than one.

**~~oo~~**

**More soon! Happy Monday!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	16. Chapter 16

**Bella's thoughts coming into the Cullens... Enjoy! **

**I'd Like To get To Know You Well- Howard Jones**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Chapter 16: _I want to._**

**BPOV**

Edward's father stared down at me like I was a girl with two heads.

"Edward?" he asked, shocked.

"Um, yes, sir," I stammered, not just from the nerves.

I was drenched and it was cold.

My shivering seemed to wake him up and he nodded and offered to let me in.

I felt suddenly out of place.

Edward's dad was dressed in a fancy cardigan and expensive looking slacks, and I was in a hoodie and my skinny jeans, my converse shoes squeaking on the marble of their decadent entryway.

This was such a mistake.

How did I demand answers from the Creepy Hot _Rich_ Guy?

Of course he wasn't interested in me.

I clutched at my backpack, hoping it hadn't gotten too wet.

We'd have Flour Paste Child if it did.

"How do you know Edward?"

I looked up in surprise at his father's intense tone, worried maybe that I had stumbled onto some big secret of Edward's.

Like he'd mention me to anyone. Unless he was complaining about me.

"Um, we're in Biology together," I started.

"Who's this?"

I turned to find who I thought must be Mrs. Cullen, a pleasant middle aged woman in fleece smiling warmly to me.

"Bella Swan," Edward's dad replied, still eyeing me intently. "She's here for Edward."

Mrs. Cullen's eyes widened for a moment, but her smile brightened.

"I'm Esme, Edward's mother," she said and shook my hand. "You're Chief Swan's girl right?"

I nodded, feeling my teeth start to chatter.

"I'll go and get Edward," she said and turned to make her way quickly down the hall.

Leaving me alone with the Cullen Inquisition.

"What brings you here to see him tonight?"

"I just wanted to speak to Edward for a moment. We missed each other after school, and there's an assignment due," I explained, hoping that would ease his surveying eyes.

He nodded and wrapped his arms around his chest, still watching me.

"You are working together?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," I replied and looked down the hall, hoping to see Edward there.

I didn't like the feeling I was getting from his dad. Like he assumed something of me.

God, did I look like the desperate girl coming over to pine over his son?

Could he tell I was nervous and excited to be here?

Shit, I bet my nipples were shouting to the world!

I was freezing.

_Stupid idea, Charlie._

"How long have you been working with Edward?"

"Just a day or two, really," I started and frowned at his strange smile.

"Edward must be enjoying it."

Eww. Creepy Hot Guy had a Creepy Daddy.

"How do you like working with Edward?"

"Um, it's okay, I guess," I said through my teeth, trying not to make them echo with their chattering. "We haven't had much time to meet."

"Bella."

I turned at his voice, relieved to not be alone with Edward's dad any longer, but my stomach bottomed out when I saw the look on Edward's face.

Pure terror.

_I instilled terror in the hearts of men. _

Like a bad sci fi movie.

"You didn't tell us about Bella, Edward," Mr. Cullen said, and I could hear the insinuation in his voice.

If the man had an evil mustache, he'd be twirling it. What was his deal?

Why would Edward mention me, the bane of his existence?

"We were just paired up yesterday," I replied, hoping that would help. But I looked down again when I saw Edward's jaw clench.

"Edward, go and get Bella one of your sweatshirts to put on while we dry hers," Esme was saying.

I watched as Edward all but fled up the stairs to get away from me.

Esme took me by the shoulders and directed me towards their dining room.

"I really don't need to stay. I just needed to talk to Edward for a couple minutes," I said feebly, Esme hugging me close to her until we stepped inside.

"Nonsense," she said and helped me out of my sweatshirt. "You're freezing, and I wouldn't want to send you back to Chief Swan cold to the bone."

I covered myself up with my arms wrapped around my shirt before Creepy Dad could discover that I was absolutely cold to the bone. Or the nipples at least. Esme just smiled and pulled out a chair for me to sit.

"We don't get to see any of Edward's friends. It's nice to see he has one like you," she said happily.

Mr. Cullen's narrowed eyes didn't go unnoticed.

I should explain that I wasn't a friend. I hardly knew their son. Definitely not the way they thought.

Sadly.

"So how long have you known Edward?" he asked, as if reading my mind.

What was with these perceptive Cullens?

"Um, not even two weeks. I just moved here," I explained.

Mr. Cullen raised his eyebrow and glanced at his wife. Esme was staring hard at him.

I knew that look. Renee used it on Phil all the time when she wanted him to stop talking about baseball before he embarrassed himself.

"Where did you move from, Bella?" Esme asked, her voice so much less accusing than her husband's.

"Um, I'm from Phoenix actually. I just moved here two weeks ago," I said, feeling more and more awkward the longer I stayed in their house.

I felt like I was filling out an application.

Did they think they needed to evaluate me?

I let out a soft breath when Edward returned, a Forks High sweatshirt in his tight grasp.

And he had changed into jeans.

I could imagine why. How embarrassing would it be if Creepy Dad caught his son with a boner?

As much as I liked the idea that he would in my presence here at home, I was sure he was uncomfortable walking around in his sweatpants with me around regardless. I liked him both ways.

The sweats made his thighs look thicker.

What were they asking?

"Stay for dinner!" Mr. Cullen was saying. "You two can work on your project until its ready!"

I saw the tell tale jaw clench. Shaking my head, I tried to get up out of my chair.

"I don't want to impose," I stammered and shoved Edward's sweatshirt back at him.

Oh my, that was a very soft t-shirt.

I felt Esme gently persuading me back into the chair. I looked up at Edward, at the conflict in his face. He didn't want me here, and I was starting to feel like perhaps they were prepping me for dinner. A family of cannibals.

That would explain the Creepy.

"Stay for dinner," Edward murmured, his eyes softening. "We can talk… about the assignment."

I hesitated before taking his sweatshirt back and nodded, watching as Esme all but dragged her husband out of the room and into the kitchen. It was surreal really.

They were acting like parents of a teen girl that had a boy over.

Is this what parents of boys did?

Edward slid into a chair a few feet from me, his hand working through his hair nervously before he opened his mouth and then closed it again, finally clasping his hands together tightly on the table. I could tell he felt really uncomfortable with me there. I had invaded his last place of security.

"Edward, I didn't mean to be invited in like this," I said, hoping to alleviate some of the tension around us. "I was just really mad. I needed to know why you didn't come when you said you would. If it's about yesterday, I don't…"

He pursed his lips hard and shook his head at me, his eyes darting to the kitchen door.

So was he embarrassed about what he did or was he embarrassed by me?

I felt really slighted again.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to the library," he whispered, still avoiding me.

Jaw clenched and boring a hole into the door, I realized he was probably pissed because his family assumed he was interested in me.

His stiff demeanor screamed he didn't want me here. He didn't need to explain it to me. I was perceptive like that.

"I get it," I said. "You don't want me here, I get it."

"No," he replied quickly, his head turning to mine to look at me almost desperately.

His answer confused me thoroughly. And when he let his head droop, letting out a long weary breath, I was even more confused. He seemed resigned.

""I'm not good for you, Bella. I'm a bad person."

My hand struggled to reach out and take his. But I knew he's bolt.

"I don't think your bad."

"You don't know me," he murmured.

_I want to. _

I took a breath of courage and slid into the seat next to him, wanting to comfort him from the conflict that seemed to ooze out of his tense body. Even when he leaned away from me a bit, I was sure I wanted to get to know him better.

Of course when his brother walked in, I had my doubts.

_Emmett Cullen._ The football perv.

Now I understood why my dad was concerned. I intended to stay far away from that Cullen.

Was Edward anything like him?

He seemed to enjoy it when I called his brother a perverted ass. I had never heard him laugh before, and the lightness of it made me want to hear it again.

Why was he so serious all the time?

"Edward?" I asked when our laughter had finally quieted down to nervous silence.

He looked up from his clasped hands and the depth of them made me want to drown in them.

"I'm sorry upset you," he whispered, his eyes taking in my face in a way far more intimate than anyone had ever done.

"Just stop running away from me," I said softly, surprising myself in my boldness.

He swallowed and looked down at his hands again, breaking the brief link I had with what I thought was the real Edward Cullen.

"I'll try," he whispered and made a soft snorting sound.

I wasn't sure if should press him. He still seemed poised to run away from me, so instead I turned to my back pack.

"All right," I said. "It's your turn with Flour Child."

He chuckled and looked up once more, amusement clear on his beautiful face.

"Flour Child?" he asked. "You haven't named it yet?"

"I did," I replied, blushing. "His name is Flour Child. Or FC for short."

"You're kind of odd," he whispered, smiling.

"Takes one to know one," I countered.

We sat together for a little while, Edward listening to me detail the basics of our project. I'm not sure why he snorted when I told him about the blindness, Edward's mind seemed to take him to stranger places than mine did.

Mine were pretty generic really.

On top of the table, against the wall… things like that.

I reined in my pervy thoughts of Edward on top when Esme came in with the dishes.

I felt Edward tense beside me before he excused himself to go wash up.

Leaving me alone with his family for an unbearably long five minutes.

Carlisle watched me like a hawk spying a tasty mouse, while Emmett chuckled and shook his head at me over and over.

Was it too late for _me_ to run away or hide?

Maybe that's what Edward was doing. Hiding in the bathroom.

That was a great idea.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**AN: Dinner next. With the Creepy Cullens! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	17. Chapter 17

**GAH! Long! LONG! **

**Did you know FFN adds like 300 words when you add that nice divider between the AN's and story… GAH- I suck at drabbles! 2k words? Really… well, that's a drabble for me… I'll work on those 500 word chapters for ya'll! **

**Dinner time! **

**Sabotage- The Beastie Boys**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 17: my parents were confusing as hell.**

**EPOV**

To say that having Bella in my house was _hard_ is an understatement. Even in my jeans I was having trouble. As soon as she sat beside me, I felt the urge to touch her. I kept my hands clasped tightly before me, terrified the one moment I slipped up would be the moment Carlisle would come bounding out of the kitchen pointing at me in accusation and hollering _aha!_

I could tell that he already knew what I was covering up.

He knew that Bella was more than simply a lab partner to me.

She was a female.

Pretty.

Shapely.

She smelled even better wet.

I tried my best to listen to her detail our project profiles. I found her voice very distracting. She had to tell me twice that our child was blind.

That was funny, really.

Well, not _funny_ funny. My humor was way off the last few days.

But who knew the child of someone who jerks off a lot would be blind?

Yeah, my mind was failing and I was desperate to just touch her.

I was unclenching my fingers so that I could maybe brush her hair back over her shoulder when Esme walked in, announcing dinner in five minutes.

I quietly excused myself to go wash up, fully intending on easing some tension.

I admit it, I was weak.

Six times was not enough in one day filled with the likes of Bella Swan. Not without at least getting to touch her.

And maybe be inside her.

_Fuck._

_Fastest ever. _

I doubted anyone would have timed me, but it was perhaps my paranoia that had me blushing at Carlisle's pursed lips and narrowed eyes when I returned. I tried to ignore his stare as I slid in beside Bella, who looked like she had gone to freshen up as well.

Her ponytail was now in a long braid down her back, coiling a bit around the hood of the sweatshirt I had given her to wear.

I couldn't wait to get it back. Yes, I'd be sleeping with it tonight.

That was if Carlisle didn't ruin this night with all his questions.

"So, Bella was telling us that you have to take care of a virtual child," Carlisle announced as he flicked his napkin to open it. "That should be interesting."

"I did that in sophomore year with an egg," Emmett announced. "Do they show you how it's made, too?"

I glowered at Emmett's wide grin while Esme chastised him for being rude. I could tell Bella was already blushing. I could feel it on her leg that was an inch from my own under the table. Just a slight adjustment and I could touch her.

Or would she bolt? I knew I would.

"I think it's an interesting project, giving you the challenge of dealing with a special needs child," Esme said, trying to redirect the conversation.

"You should come by the hospital sometime, both of you. I can have you do a little time in the development center," Carlisle said, glancing over at me and smiling benignly.

"That would be great," Bella replied excitedly, missing the undertone in his voice.

Was he trying to make me fail?

I watched him carefully; trying to gauge his motives while Bella described a little more what our semester long project would entail.

"We have to volunteer at a clinic that specializes in our child's need, as well as speak with a geneticist regarding what might have contributed to the issue in the first place," she said.

Emmett chortled and nearly choked on his food at her statement.

It seemed I wasn't the only one to think that Junior's ailment wasn't ironic.

Bella frowned at Emmett and grew quiet.

_Asshole_.

Whatever had happened between the two, it was obvious that he unnerved her. He just raised his eyebrow at us and shoveled in another large bite of chicken. Ever the angel.

"So, Bella," Esme continued, glaring at Emmett before smiling back at Bella. "Have you made many friends since you've been here?"

Bella focused on her meal as she shrugged.

"A couple. It's hard to make friends your senior year in a small town," she replied quietly. "Everyone has known one another for so long."

"Ah well, Edward and Emmett were new too, maybe they can help with that," Esme replied gently.

"Absolutely!" Emmett chortled. "I'm sure you and Edward have _loads_ in common!"

I narrowed my eyes at Emmett, hoping I could get him to shut up by telepathy.

"You mean there is something else other than simply taking Biology together that Edward and I have in common?" Bella asked, her eyes suddenly more bold as she looked at Emmett as if in challenge.

I was surprised to see Emmett close his gaping trap.

How did they know each other exactly?

And why did Bella think he was the perverted one?

When he didn't answer her question, she popped a small piece of potato into her mouth and smiled smugly.

Carlisle watched it all in that calculating way of his. It seemed to spur on his interrogation.

"What sort of things do you like to do in your free time, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I felt Bella tense up again and she cleared her throat as if nervous.

"I don't really have any," she murmured. "Reading, I guess. And music. I like listening to music."

"Really, what kind of music?" Carlisle pressed, making Bella tense again beside me.

I'd had enough of his interrogation.

"Why all the questions?" I asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Just curious, son. You haven't mentioned your friends, so we just want to know a little about them," Carlisle continued too calmly.

I let my knee touch hers lightly, as a way to show her my support. It only served to distract me. Because she pushed back.

Thigh to knee. Hot and pressed firmly next to mine tight.

"I should go," she said suddenly, glancing at me as she wiped at her mouth.

I wanted to stop her, but my mom beat me to it.

"Please, Bella, don't mind Carlisle. We still have dessert," Esme was saying.

_Dessert. _

I didn't think I'd be able to remain detached for another course.

"I have to get home before my dad worries," Bella replied. "Really, thank you for dinner."

She stood, as did Esme and Carlisle. I watched her as she bent over to grab her bag that was tossed in the corner of the dining room, jerking my eyes away from her ass when I heard Esme clear her throat.

"Edward, will you walk Bella to her car?" she asked, eyeing me intently.

Was she trying to tell me to behave or not to?

Fuck, my parents were confusing as hell.

"You don't have to," Bella replied and turned to hand me our flour sack. "But you get to look after FC tonight. Make sure you follow the instructions in the envelope."

"I'll walk you out," I whispered, terrified to look back at Carlisle who I knew would be bursting a blood vessel in his temple at Esme's suggestion.

As it was, Esme and Carlisle walked us to the door, standing there as I stepped out into the cool night with Bella. She waved to them awkwardly and then remained by my side as we walked out to her truck. It had stopped raining, but the ground was slick, making her slide beside me until I put my arm out and steadied her.

My fingers wrapped around her waist, pulling her into my side in an awkward embrace until she was sure on her feet once again. I moved to push her away gently, but her own arm moved in to touch my back, as if she needed the extra support. I was never more thankful for the dreary rain of Forks than at that moment.

"Your family is kinda weird," she whispered as we neared the truck.

"Kinda?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at her.

She turned in my arm, facing me. She didn't withdraw her hand from my back and I left mine around her loosely. She was inches from me, and not moving away. Her hand on my back felt warm and inviting. Her lips were there, her tongue peeking out to wet them for just a moment. Looking up at me with searching eyes, she made it so easy for me to want to lean down and kiss her.

It took every last shred of control not to.

Not with Carlisle watching.

"How did you end up the normal one?" she asked thoughtfully.

I laughed quietly and looked down, watching the emblem of Forks High rise and fall with her breaths.

She looked incredible in my sweatshirt. I couldn't ask for it back. She'd be taking a piece of me back home with her.

Maybe even sleep with it, as I had wanted to.

Naked.

I sighed and pulled away, looking down at our feet, and away from every tempting part of her.

"I'm not normal, Bella. I'm as weird as they are," I replied softly and slowly let my hand drop from her waist.

It went cold instantly without her heat.

"Night, Bella," I whispered, taking another step away from her.

"See you tomorrow?" she asked, her voice a whisper, like she doubted I'd be there.

I nodded and tried to smile. Was it wrong that I wanted her to stay?

I stood there as she started her noisy old truck, an abominable beast that should have been scrapped years ago. But it drove away with Bella inside, her small wave almost imperceptible as she looked back before disappearing into the night.

I stood out there for a while, until the cold made me shiver and remember her sweatshirt in the dryer. Stepping inside, I walked towards the mudroom where the dryer was, and paused when I heard Carlisle and Esme talking in hushed tones in the kitchen.

"No more," Esme was saying. "He's my child, too. I don't want this anymore."

"He's sick, Esme. Did you see the way he was looking at her?"

"Yes, I did! Like a typical teenage boy! You can't deny him every affection because of what happened to him."

"You know it's not just Tanya..."

"Don't you dare say her name."

"He's not capable of having a normal relationship."

"I want a second opinion. No more, Carlisle. I want my son to have a life. I want him to see Whit. You promised."

"You don't know what he's…"

"You don't think I know?" she pressed, her voice rising. "Tell me, who does the laundry here? I am well aware of what both of our boys are up to. I will not have you admonish and ridicule Edward and not hold Emmett just as accountable. They are both typical boys."

"Emmett's not…"

I turned away from the conversation, embarrassed that my mom knew what I was up to based on my clothes.

And my sheets.

How long had Esme known? Since before Tanya? Or only after.

And the argument.

I felt a bit of comfort in her defending me. Truth be told, she was the most pleasant one to Bella tonight. Maybe she understood.

I hoped she was saying that I was really just a normal guy.

A normal guy who was stealing a girl's sweatshirt out of the dryer to hoard.

Once in my room, I pulled it to my nose and inhaled, smelling the lingering scent of her in the fabric. But the fabric softener that Esme used had diluted it. Still, it was like her and I together in that little bit of fabric.

Yeah, she didn't think _I _was creepy.

I'd worry about that tomorrow.

Tonight, I'd enjoy the little bit of Bella I held in my hands; content to know she had a piece of me with her as well.

Tomorrow, I'd talk with her more. I liked talking to her. And try my best not to molest her.

I'd try.

**~~oo~~**

**That's it for today! Thanks for reading!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	18. Chapter 18

**Happy Hump Day! **

**So Bella? How'd you like the Cullen family dinner?**

**Put Your Hands On Me- Joss Stone**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 18: Nose flared. Lips pursed. **

**BPOV**

I couldn't stop smiling.

Even after all that weirdness at dinner.

The Cullens were freaks. Except for Edward. And Esme.

_Edward._

I take back all the things I said about Creepy Hot Guy. Okay not all the things. He is still hot.

But definitely not creepy.

Amazing. Tortured by his family. But not creepy.

I wiggled my nose into the sweatshirt again as I drove. Smiling underneath the heavy fabric of Edward's sweatshirt.

I could nuzzle into that smell for eternity.

He must have worn it at some point, because it was more Edward than Tide or even Snuggle.

God I wanted to snuggle Edward. Wrap around him and never let him go.

I had long legs. I could wrap him like a koala and he'd be stuck with me.

I smelled the shirt again and sighed.

I was getting way too worked up over it. I could still feel his hand on my waist, could still feel his thigh against mine from dinner. It was like he had imprinted a piece of himself onto me by his touch, and now with the smell of him in my system, I was like a drug addict needing my next fix.

Tomorrow was too far away. So I snuggled in deeper to my stolen piece of Edward.

I pulled into the driveway; surprised to see Charlie was still awake. Looking at my phone, I was surprised it was only 8:30.

It felt like midnight.

Those freaky Cullens had worn me out.

Especially Mr. Cullen.

I shivered as I walked towards the house, remembering his drilling gaze at both Edward and I.

What was his deal?

I didn't want to think about Emmett. Ugh. He was the complete opposite of Edward.

So why did people think so little of Edward?

"_Don't waste your time, Bella,"_ Lauren had said.

I admit, I had called him Creepy Hot Guy because he had looked at me a little strangely that first time.

And he had vanished for days.

And he seemed to like my boobs.

And then there was the grinding in the book stacks.

And the bathroom issues. I wondered if he had a UTI or something.

Nervous Bladder Boy…

But certainly not creepy.

I smiled again beneath my pilfered sweatshirt and locked the door behind me, crying out when I turned to find Charlie standing right behind me.

"Well, you're back late," he said with a knowing smirk. "Good reconciliation?"

"Mrs. Cullen made me stay for dinner," I hedged. "And you didn't tell me about how strange they are!"

He put his hands up as if to ward off my attack and shook his head laughing.

"I told you to watch out for that Emmett boy!" he said and followed me into the kitchen.

"I met him tonight," I replied. "Or figured out who he was. He's in my gym class."

Charlie pursed his lips, fluffing his moustache out a little doing so.

"Do I need to have a word with him? Is he acting strangely?" he asked, in full on cop mode.

"No, Dad," I replied laughing. "No worse than any stupid jock. I'm fine, really."

"I haven't had too much interaction with Dr. Cullen," Charlie said.

I shivered again, thinking back to the Cullen Inquisition. He was a doctor?

Maybe it was in his nature to ask questions.

_What seems to be the matter? Where does it hurt? Are you screwing my son? Do you need a prescription for birth conrol?_

"He's very," I said, pausing to find the right word. "Inquisitive."

"You got interrogated, huh? Must be serious," he quipped.

"You're as bad as they are, Dad," I retorted. "I am _just _a lab partner."

"Was Esme nice?" he asked. "She's always kind when I see her."

I smiled at the memory of how nice she had been.

"Yeah, I liked her," I whispered.

He frowned and pulled at the strings to the hood of the sweatshirt.

"Hey, that's not your sweatshirt."

_Great investigative skills, Dad. _

Forks was in such good hands.

"Mine got wet in the rain. Edward gave me one of his so I didn't get cold," I said, narrowing my eyes at Charlie when he grinned.

"Uh huh," he murmured and grabbed his beer from the table to take with him to the living room. "I hope this Edward is not like Emmett, Bells. I'll be sure to gas up the cruiser tomorrow. I have to keep my eye out for him now!"

"Dad!" I cried. "He's just my lab partner!"

_Sad, but true. _

"Uh huh," I heard him say from the hall.

I left him to his game, retreating to my bedroom to covertly sniff at my new treasure.

Like those people that sniff glue or markers.

I was hooked on Edward Cullen.

And until I could get close enough to bury my nose in his chest and inhale to my delirium, I was limited to just his clothes.

I stripped out of everything but my underwear and slipped the sweatshirt back on. It was soft, with those little balls of fuzz on the inside that rubbed against me as I moved. Snuggling down into the blankets, I closed my eyes so that I could imagine Edward's eyes again as he had stood there tonight by my truck.

So close.

His hand draped casually along my waist.

And his eyes drawing me in, almost black in the dark night, but fully concentrated on me.

And maybe my lips.

I wanted to feel his lips so badly. They looked incredibly soft.

I bet he was no slobberer.

I inhaled deeply and imagined him dipping down, much like I had wanted him to in that moment.

Leaning in. Soft breath across my jaw.

Nose skimming across my cheek.

Getting closer.

Lips brushing. Hot. Soft like velvet. Touching. Pressing.

"Edward."

My hand had slipped under my underwear, my body needing more than just his smell and my imagination.

His hands. I wanted his hands on me.

Long fingers searching me out.

"Mmm."

His lips moving down my neck. I could almost feel the burn of his whiskers. I liked it tonight, where his clean-shaven face from the morning had taken on a most distinct masculine feel with his five o'clock shadow.

His hands were all over me.

Searching.

"Yes."

Urgent. Needed to feel him. Needed to feel that flush.

The tingle I felt whenever he touched me.

Fingers moving. Insistent.

Preparing me for him.

Touching me there would be…

"Yessssss."

Heart hammering, breath heavy, I hummed as I felt the tension I had felt all night drip off of me from my climax. Thoughts of him made me feel like jelly. What would it be like for real?

If it was even possible.

I curled into a ball and hugged my pillow against me, imagining him there in my small bed. His warmth and smell surrounding me as I drifted off to sleep, smiling at the hope that tomorrow, we could talk some more.

So as my alarm wailed at me, dragging me out of pleasant dreams of a more exciting Biology class, I took a little extra time getting ready. I wanted to look good.

I practically bounced on the balls of my feet on my way to my locker when I arrived at school.

Nothing was going to get me down today.

I smiled to myself as I pulled books out of my backpack, making a little more room for the sweatshirt that was tucked inside. I had wanted to wear it, like a billboard that screamed,_ 'I was with Edward Cullen last night!'_ but then I was worried he'd think it was weird.

But I had it with me, just in case he asked for it. And if he didn't, it was going home with me.

"Hey, Bella."

I turned, smiling at the voice behind me, only to step back in surprise.

Mike Newton was right there, smiling back at me like a goon.

"Oh, hey, Mike."

He leaned a little closer, one hand on the locker next to me and offered me that bold look boys get when they know they have you trapped. I stepped back as far as my tiny locker would allow me.

He smelled like bad cologne and as he drew closer, the noxious smell of Lysterine invaded my personal space.

Not the minty fresh kind. The piss yellow flavor. I hated that stuff. It reminded me of the dentist.

"So, I wanted to ask you something," he said, his voice low and gravelly.

Normally I'd like the rough sound of a boy's voice saying those words in that way.

But this was Mike Newton.

"I really need to get to class, Mike," I replied, pulling my backpack in between us.

"It'll only take a minute," he whispered and let his eyes travel southward.

Thank goodness I had my backpack shield on. With the added Cullen armor inside.

I swallowed and looked past him, trying to figure out a way to escape.

It was then that I saw him.

Coming straight for me.

Nose flared. Lips pursed. Staring hard at the barricade that had me trapped.

_Oh my. _

Edward looked pissed.

I blinked and watched in awe as he moved directly to us.

Like Luke Skywalker as he maneuvered through the Death Star trenches, Edward was moving past other students, on a mission.

And I was his target.

Fifty points if you hit the right spot.

"Bella."

_That_ was the low and gravelly voice that could do me in. And the possessive eyes didn't hurt.

Not one bit.

"Edward," I breathed.

Well, barely breathed. Because he made me completely breathless.

"Cullen," Mike said, edging away from me slightly but just enough to open a space for Edward to fill.

He moved in, his body leaning into mine like a human shield.

Edward's eyes zeroed in on mine.

Did I say I was breathless before?

I was most definitely now.

"You left your sweatshirt at my house last night," he said, the deep timbre of his voice making my knees knock.

I needed a cigarette, and I didn't smoke.

But before I could even utter a word; before I could swallow or move, he was leaning in, his eyes flitting towards my lips for a split second until he adjusted at the last minute, his lips moving towards my ear. My eyes fluttered closed at the heat of his breath against my ear, my body on fire with his leaning in to me with gentle pressure.

I lost track of everything but the feeling of him against me.

So much better than the library, or even in my dreams.

Smooth jaw brushing my cheek.

Hard chest against mine.

Fingertips tracing along my arm.

And then a sudden chill as he stepped away and looked around, swallowing hard. I was remotely aware that Mike had disappeared, and it was just Edward and I standing there.

Not that we weren't getting looks from people across the hall.

All just blurs. My eyes were locked on him.

He turned back to me and licked at his lips, his eyes on the sweatshirt in his hands.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to get so close, but he was making you uncomfortable."

I nodded dumbly.

There was no way I'd find the means to talk anytime soon.

"You all right?"

I nodded again, still looking at his lips.

The bell rang, muted in my ears from the blood rushing through them.

"That's the bell," he murmured.

I simply nodded again.

The side of his mouth turned up slightly, making me blink and drag myself back to reality.

Not a dream.

Edward Cullen was smiling down at me.

"I'll see you in Biology, Bella."

I watched him turn and walk away, hands tucked deeply in his pockets as he glanced back at me, eyes dark and a smile still on his face.

And he still had my sweatshirt tucked under his arm.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Mmhmm. Biology should be interesting… **

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	19. Chapter 19

**Since this is EPOV of last chapter, I thought maybe I should post this tonight. A few asked questions that are answered here.**

**So here we go. I need to go lie down and think of fuzzy rubs... :D **

**Your Touch- The Black Keys**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 19: **_**Yes, no. Do it now. Show her.**_

**EPOV**

I stretched lazily in bed as my mind slowly woke up from a restful sleep. Glancing at the clock, I was surprised it was still so early. I smiled and drew Bella's sweatshirt close to me again, bringing it to my nose.

Sweet.

Now mixed with my own smell.

I groaned softly at the idea of our joined anything and slipped a little further into the sheets, hesitating for a moment at the idea of what I wanted to do and how Esme would know.

She knew already, right?

What was another morning of pleasing myself?

With Bella in my mind, it wasn't difficult to choose anything other than pleasing myself.

I didn't last long, my groans captured inside the softness of her fabric that I nuzzled against my face like a dog with a bone. Sighing and stretching, I cleaned up and tossed the tissues into the trash, hoping to give my mom some satisfaction in not having to discover my dirty secret once again. As much as I wanted to lie around in bed until the last moment for school, I wanted to get there early.

To see her.

As soon as I could.

A quick shower, and dressed for the day, I stuffed Bella's sweatshirt into my bag. I smiled at the thought of carrying a piece of her around all day.

Which then made me remember our little Junior.

I grabbed it and tucked it under my arm, heading downstairs to the kitchen to grab a bite while I filled out the log Bella had shown me for her little flour child. It seemed a silly name, but still made me smile at her sense of humor.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning."

I looked up from the notebook to find Esme smirking at me. She patted me on my shoulder and busied herself with cleaning the remains of my breakfast while I tried to think about all the things I had to fill out.

I didn't want to disappoint Bella.

She had so much detail for her days of journaling.

I felt guilty for having left her on her own for the first couple of days.

Looking at the sack sitting next to my notebook, I wondered why she hadn't dressed it up and decorated it like the other girls. Our sack was just a plain old bag of flour.

Maybe that was her point?

It was blind. Who cared if it was dressed or not. And as much as I wanted to put a face on it, I didn't want to do it without her.

"Bella was nice."

I looked up again at my mother, who had her back to me as she threw away the last of my toast. She didn't turn around to check if I had heard her, she simply continued talking.

"She wasn't very easily shaken by our dynamic," she said. "And she seems to be very smart too."

I tried to look disinterested.

But the truth was, after she had said what she said last night to Carlisle, I wanted to know what she thought of Bella.

"What do you think of her?" she asked.

I shifted in my chair and looked down at my notebook again.

"I don't know," I replied quietly. "She's all right."

"She's pretty."

I remained quiet, not sure what her motive was for saying this.

After Carlisle and his insistence on making me switch classes, I didn't want to admit anything. Would Esme tell me she was a bad idea. Too much temptation?

"Did you take her sweater out of the dryer? She probably wants it back."

_Busted. _

"Um, yeah. I wanted to put it in my back pack so I wouldn't forget," I said, avoiding her stare.

She was quiet for a moment, wiping down the counter across from me.

"Edward," she whispered. I looked up to find her watching me.

"Mom. It's nothing really."

"Edward, it's all right to like her," she replied, leaning in close beside me. "You know I want what's best for you, right?"

"Yeah, I know, Mom," I murmured. Her conversation last night had made me truly see that.

"I want to make sure you understand that, because I think things need to change," she said and tipped her head slightly so that she could look into my downturned eyes.

"Mom," I started, uncomfortable. It was bad enough I had to talk with Carlisle, but it was mortifying to speak to Esme about it.

"Just listen, young man," she said, shutting me up. "Carlisle is going to give you some space, but I want you to talk with someone, to help put some of your worries to rest."

I moved to stand, not wanting to have this conversation while still on my high from Bella.

"Edward, I want you to understand that I think you need to talk with someone not affiliated with us. I'm sorry this went on for so long," she said, her forehead wrinkling in worry.

"Mom, it's okay."

"No, it's not, and it was clear last night," she said and looked back at me. "Edward, you should be enjoying your life, not forbidding yourself from what comes naturally. I want to see you happy."

I let out an uncomfortable breath and stood to leave.

"I need to get to school," I said and leaned in to kiss her on top of the head. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

"I want you to be happy, sweetie. And that was the first time I had seen you happy when Bella was here," she whispered.

"She's nice," I replied lamely.

Nice to touch. Nice smelling. Nice and sweet.

She pulled away and smiled up at me knowingly.

"Yes she is. And I think she enjoyed spending time with you. Maybe you could talk with her some more, invite her over again," she suggested.

"I don't think so, Mom," I retorted, laughing uncomfortably.

No way was I going to subject her to my family again.

"Well then," she replied, smirking. "Maybe invite her to coffee or something. I think she likes you."

"All right, Mom," I reply, beyond mortified at having a talk about girls with my mom.

Of course she knew things I already didn't want her to know.

"Have a good day, sweetie."

I shook my head and grabbed my stuff, fleeing before she started talking about china patterns.

I just wanted to get to school, in the hopes that she would be there when I got there.

"Edward?"

I turned, expecting her to say something else, but instead she held the flour child in her hands, smiling.

"You can't forget this."

I took it and said my goodbyes, smiling all the way to school with thoughts of how I'd say hello to Bella if and when I saw her. Every option just felt contrived. And I wanted it to last, so that I could hear her voice, maybe even get close enough to touch her again. I saw her truck as I pulled in, and felt a moment's disappointment at having spent those extra few minutes at home. I had a few minutes before the first bell. Pulling her sweatshirt out, I had every intention of returning her sweatshirt and striking conversation with her. That seemed to be the best ice breaker.

Esme's supportive words, her confidence that maybe Bella liked me gave me a sense of courage I hadn't felt in sometime. Since Alaska, I could finally feel more like myself.

Maybe Bella would agree to actually seeing me outside of school.

Did I dare?

Could I maybe behave myself like I did last night?

I'd only disappeared once.

And she had surprised me in showing up.

If I knew about it beforehand I could prepare.

I wanted to pursue this. I wanted to pursue _her_.

But how to ask her?

I was turning the corner of the hallway when my mind was made up for me.

There was Bella, up against her locker, like a cornered deer under the paws of Mike Newton. He was leaned in towards her, eyeing her like she was something on the all you can eat buffet. My mind was suddenly on only one thing.

Get to Bella.

Pee on her, hoist her over my shoulder, kiss her. Something to get that fucker away from her.

I strode towards her, hands clenched tightly as I pushed past the other students as they stumbled into my way.

Nothing was going to keep me from getting to her.

Mike was leaning in closer when I saw her look my way. Her eyes widened at my approach, ignoring Mike completely. She was totally focused on me. Asking me to help in the deep brown that stared at me, transfixed.

"Bella."

She sucked in a breath and whispered my name, the sound of it making my body throb.

Mike pulled away when I moved closer, muttering my name.

I wasn't here to acknowledge him. I was here to make sure she was safe.

"You left your sweatshirt at my house last night," I said, making sure it was loud enough for Newton to overhear.

That's right, Newton. She was at my house last night.

Mine.

I could feel Bella adjust against me, and for a moment, I wondered how I had managed to get so close to her without freaking out. Now that I was so close, with her body cradled in mine, I couldn't help it. Her large eyes gazed into mine and fluttered for a second, glancing down at my lips. Just like last night.

I wanted to kiss her.

Taste her and claim her.

So close, I could feel her breath warming across my chin as I leaned in closer.

_Kiss her. _

_No. Not here. _

_Yes, no. Do it now. Show her. _

A split second of battling my thoughts in my head seemed like forever, all the while she was pressed close to my body, feeling so incredibly good that I just wanted to push her against the locker and grind her into oblivion.

But to kiss her.

That would show her I wanted her.

_Kiss her_.

I moved closer, watching her as her eyes slid shut.

God, she smelled so good. Better than her sweatshirt.

And her skin looked so soft.

Touch her.

Kiss her.

Want her.

My fingers traced up her arm, and I could feel her skin prickling at my touch. My chest pushed closer, feeling her quickened breath push her breasts against me. Leaning closer, wanting to whisper in her ear, my cheek touched hers, the heat of her face against mine making me inhale her scent. Her hair was down and it tickled my nose as I paused there, struck dumb by all my senses full of Bella.

She was intoxicating.

And standing there in the hallway, for all to see.

Not the right place.

An empty classroom perhaps. Or maybe the closet down the hall.

She made me drunk with want. More than ever before.

Fuck she smelled good.

But she was better than a simple grope against the lockers.

And I was not to be trusted. What if I offended her?

Pulling back slightly I looked around to find a number of eyes on us. Something I was sure would do Bella more harm than to me. I took another tentative step back to clear my head of her. I expected her to say something, be upset with me for being so bold, but when I looked down at her, she seemed a little dazed.

Overwhelmed at my boorish behavior.

This was the second time I had all but molested her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get so close. But he was making you uncomfortable," I whispered, looking down at her feet so that I couldn't see her anger.

Like I didn't just make her uncomfortable.

When she didn't say anything I glanced up to see she was still dazed.

Perhaps she was terrified?

"You all right?"

She nodded, her eyes looking towards my chin instead of my eyes.

The bell rang and still her gaze had not wavered.

Was she looking at my lips?

"That's the bell," I said, hoping she'd come out of her funk.

But still she was looking there, on my lips, her nod the only proof that she had heard me.

Did she want me to kiss her?

Because if she looked much longer, I would need to.

To discover for sure if her lips were as soft as they looked.

I liked the idea that she was entranced.

With me?

That made my body more charged than ever.

I smirked, finally breaking the spell over her. She blinked and her eyes finally drew up to mine, deep and dark and wanting so much to draw me in.

But we'd be late for class, and unless I stepped away now, I'd be pulling her into the bathroom and missing more than just first period.

I took another step back, forcing myself away from her.

"I'll see you in Biology, Bella," I whispered and turned slowly away from her, my body wired and wanting to remain there with her.

English class. I needed to go to English.

I looked back to see if she was still there, and it made me smile to see that she was looking after me.

And her look made me wish I had a few more moments, either with her or in the quiet of the bathroom.

How would I ever get through the day before I could see her again.

To get close enough to touch her and smell her.

I looked down and realized I still had her sweatshirt.

Perhaps I wouldn't give it back to her.

Just yet.

I needed an excuse to see her besides Biology.

And it was the perfect excuse.

I just needed to figure out the best time to be alone with her again.

Soon.

It needed to be very, very soon.

**~~oo~~**

**AN: so yeah… more tomorrow! Maybe a little later in the day. Fuzzy head dreams tonight to be sure!**

**Love to you! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	20. Chapter 20

**Happy Thursday! Keeping it short! **

**Enjoy! **

**Can't Get You Out of My Head- Kylie Minogue**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 20: A-B-C-D….E**

**BPOV**

_La pelota es grande y azul._

_Por favor, dame tu zanahoria._

My brain was mush, and trying to translate was just not possible.

Balls and carrots had me thinking about other things.

Spanish class was like a dirty interpretation of my thoughts of Edward. After finally gaining enough sense to shut my locker and shuffle to first period, I stared at the pop quiz in Spanish for five minutes before trying to translate.

I was sure to fail it.

Did I care?

How could I when I could still feel his breath against my ear?

I felt a shiver run through my body and because I could, I slipped his sweatshirt over me, although the shiver was not from the cool room. I took my test to the teacher, wondering if I was the last one to do so. A number of people were staring at me as I walked back to my seat.

Was I that slow at doing it that they were all waiting for me?

Whatever.

I wanted to get through this class, and the other four as soon as possible.

The wait was maddening.

My mind was stuck in Edward mode.

He had been so possessive, and his eyes drilled into me with such intensity, I could feel it down to my toes. I replayed his rescue in my head again and again, the sweatshirt providing me with a bit of him as I fantasized what could have happened if the bell hadn't rung.

Since last night when he brushed my knee, my head was full of imaginary moments with him.

And the locker incident now played on repeat.

Pushed against the cold steel of the lockers, his hands roaming.

Not caring who saw as he kissed me good and hard.

The idea of that made me slow to answer the teacher's questions in History.

I let out a long sigh and tried to pull myself together.

I was obsessing over this guy.

Who was maybe, possibly, more than likely not interested in me.

His body seemed interested.

My body was very interested.

I didn't see Angela as I came out of history, and looked around to see if maybe I was just overlooking her as I walked to my third period. She was nowhere to be found. I frowned at the idea that maybe she was home sick. She was the only person I could possibly talk to about my feelings and not feel ridiculed. And without her, it would make lunchtime awkward with Jessica and Lauren. And Mike Newton.

What was he thinking anyway, cornering me like that?

And then my thoughts went back to Edward and I found myself smiling into his sweatshirt as I walked into class. Eric was staring at me as I walked in so I looked behind me to see if maybe Angela had come in with me.

Nope. Just me.

I supposed I looked idiotic in a sweatshirt that was five sizes too big for me.

But it made me warm in so many ways, so I ignored Eric and tried my best to concentrate in class. It was another long period, and fourth period didn't pass any faster.

The world was against me getting to sixth period.

Finally, as the fifth period bell rang, I tossed my books into my bag and dashed off to lunch, praying that it wouldn't be too weird with Mike sitting across from me. Again, Angela was absent, so I walked in alone, grabbing an apple and a bottle of water so that I could pretend to eat.

My stomach was far too fluttery to actually eat anything substantial.

I saw that Jessica and Lauren were already seated, their heads pulled together for what was sure to be the latest gossip. I mentally braced myself to have to endure it. As I neared the table, Jessica pulled her head up quickly and gripped Lauren's hand as if to stop her from talking.

Ok, weird.

"What are you doing here?" Jessica asked, her voice a little high.

"Um, eating lunch?" I replied, confused.

Lauren turned in her seat and eyed me from head to foot before scowling.

"Yeah, but why at this table?" she asked, her voice acidic and her glare hostile.

I blinked and looked between the two of them.

What the hell?

"Um, is this because Angela isn't here?" I asked, hurt that they would turn on me like that.

So much for friendship.

Jessica snorted and looked at Lauren, the two of them having a silent conversation between them. I glanced around and started to see we were gaining an audience. Several people were watching our interaction, leaning into one another and talking quietly as they watched our drama.

"What did I do?" I asked, getting frustrated.

If this was how it was going to be, I'd just as soon go sit at a table by myself.

"Don't you mean _who'd _you do?" Lauren shot back.

What?

I opened my mouth to ask, when Mike slid in to sit next to Jessica, his face unreadable. But he didn't acknowledge me in the same gooey way he usually did. He didn't even look at me.

"Is this about this morning?" I asked, staring at him.

What had he said?

Lauren let out a bitter laugh and turned around, her back to me.

"More like _last night_."

I was about to ask what that meant when I felt a hand on my elbow, drawing me away. I looked up in surprise to find deep green staring at me. Edward held my elbow lightly, not trying to force me, but with him there beside me, the tumblers in my befuddled brain clicked into place.

_Oh._

I glanced back at Jessica and Lauren as he gently guided me towards the far tables. They were back to being huddled together, their eyes trained on us as we left. Mike had turned to watch us with a glower to his face. As I turned to look back at Edward, to ask what was going on, I felt several more eyes on us.

I knew about small town gossip, but this was ridiculous.

He sat me down so that my back faced the gawking spectators, but I felt like turning and telling them to mind their own business. I realized then that what they must have seen at my locker in the morning had been completely misconstrued, even if I had wished it to be like they thought. Mike probably hadn't helped the rumor mill either. I was sure he probably said something.

"You're wearing my sweatshirt."

I blinked and looked down to see that I had forgotten to take it off. Blushing I straightened it out a little and nodded.

"I was cold earlier," I mumbled and then moved to take it off.

"Keep it on," he said softly, and when I looked up at him he was watching me cautiously.

Where had the bravado gone?

"Everyone is looking at us," I whispered, leaning forward so he could hear me.

He glanced past me and smirked before leaning in a touch.

"They're looking at me, and wondering how you managed it," he replied and took a long drink of his soda.

"Managed what?" I asked, the frustration clear in my voice.

He swallowed hard and looked down at his sandwich.

"Um, I'm not the most popular person, Bella," he stated. "I'm sure they have all sorts of ideas about us, especially since you're wearing my sweatshirt. And how I probably corrupted you."

He looked up at me, his eyes framed by his long eyelashes, and all I really wanted to do was reach over the table and see if he tasted like cola.

Him corrupt me? I wanted to corrupt him in the worst way.

Of course I had no idea if that was such a great idea, what with the whole cafeteria looking at us. So I sat there trying to come up with something witty to say.

My mind was an utter blank. Shocking. He stumped me completely looking at me in that almost bashful way.

I thought I was the shy one.

I sat there watching Edward while he tapped on the tabletop in a nervous musical rhythm.

He was strange on so many levels. Brave one second, quiet the next.

"I'm sorry."

"About what?" I asked, wishing he'd look me in the eye.

"About them thinking we're… you know," he mumbled, his cheeks a little rosier than I had ever seen.

I wondered if maybe he was embarrassed because it was false, or because it was something he wanted. Or maybe he was perturbed because he had no interest.

But this morning at the locker, he seemed very interested.

Was he afraid of what people would think?

"I don't care what they think, Edward," I said, his eyes finally snapping up to capture mine.

"I don't want them spreading lies, Bella," he said.

_Me neither. _

_So get on that, Edward. _

"I suppose it was bound to happen, after this morning," I replied, frowning when his eyes shot back down to his sandwich again.

"I wasn't thinking this morning," he murmured. "I just couldn't let Newton wriggle his way in like that. He looked at you like you were…"

"Something to eat?" I asked, laughing when he looked at me strangely.

Funny that everyone thought that of Edward.

But the way he was looking at me now was a lot more cautious. Fearful almost. Like perhaps I was something dangerous. I looked away and turned my apple by the stem.

A-B-C-D…

I may have pulled it a little hard so it pulled off at E.

When I glanced up, he was fighting not to smile.

"I never got to thank you for rescuing me from Mike," I said softly.

"I'm glad I came to school early," he replied and took a bite of his sandwich, his eyes softening.

We sat there in companionable silence as we ate, ignoring everyone around us, just eyeing one another.

Edward finished off his sandwich and leaned down to his bag, pulling out my sweatshirt for a moment before I realized something was wrapped up in it. He rested it on the table top and chuckled.

"We really need to do something about Junior," he said, slowly unwrapping until I saw that it was our flour child.

Junior? Who was…oh. Flour Child.

"You put FC in your backpack?" I chided.

"It was swaddled, and like those carriers parents have, you know?" he mumbled awkwardly.

It was obvious he felt weird carrying it around with him.

I took the bundle, shaking my head at him and tried to be upset. But his nervous hair pulling was very distracting.

"How about I take it during the day and you at night?" I suggested. He nodded and smiled, seemingly happy to have that responsibility lifted from him.

The bell rang, and as I stood up, I felt Edward's hand brush by mine. It was only a second, and then he was wrestling with his pockets, hands shoved in deeply like he was suddenly cold. We walked together to class, and as we neared the door, he slowed, glancing from me to the bathroom across the hall. He seemed to be thinking hard, his jaw clenched once again in what I was learning was his frustrated face.

And then he turned back to me and followed me into class, an amused glint in his eye.

Yeah, he was a little odd.

I certainly hoped he didn't share his brother's thoughts on bathrooms.

I thought about it for a second.

Nope. Not even. I wasn't that perverted.

**~~oo~~**

**AN: you thought I was gonna end it with another cliffy didn't you?**

**Nahhh. More tomorrow! I mean it this time! LOL!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	21. Chapter 21

**Happy Saturday! Sorry for the delay, I was in no shape to post last night when I got home from work... but that means two today!**

**So a little bit of Edward first. **

**Don't Stand So Close To Me- The Police**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 21: I needed. Now.**

**EPOV**

My body felt over charged.

I should have just stepped in before class. It would have only taken a second. With how much she had turned me on, wearing my sweatshirt, her smile, the feeling of her hand as I chickened out in holding it.

Would she question it if I went to the restroom now? Class was barely started. Mr. Banner was talking about genetics.

Jeans. Too tight.

Bella glanced over at me when I moved. Could she tell?

What she did to me was insane. Sitting there beside me, lost in my sweatshirt. I wanted to rip it off and bury myself into the warmth of her breasts.

_Stop it. _

Painful now.

She glanced at me again and looked away quickly, her tongue wetting her lips and making me swallow down my groan.

Everyone would see it if I stood now to leave.

I needed baggier jeans.

_Her hair looks so soft. _

What time is it?

Fuck, thirty more minutes.

Wish we were in the back of the classroom.

What then? Whip it out and play show and tell with her?

I moved away from her a little, trying to put some distance away from temptation. She glanced again at me before turning to listen to the teacher as he continued.

"So let's go to the library and see if we can get everyone a book on the subject of their child so you can give us some facts for Monday!"

I looked around to see everyone putting their things in their bags, murmurings of annoyance filling the room.

But we had half an hour!

"Are you okay?" Bella asked quietly beside me, standing to leave.

I nodded and pulled my bag in front of me, as if looking for something while we walked. As soon as we were out of the classroom, I looked to my sanctuary.

"I'll meet you there. I've gotta…"

"I can wait for you."

I could feel myself pressing too hard against the bag I held tightly to me.

"It might take a minute, then all the good tables will be gone," I replied, and that seemed to sound rational to her because she fought to hide a smile and nodded, turning to walk to the library.

Did she suspect what I did?

Was she thinking about it as she walked away?

I breathed a relieved sigh as soon as I stepped into the stall, hoping for a fast one.

It was only the fourth time today. It wasn't so bad, right?

But her wearing my sweatshirt.

Drinking her water next to me at lunch.

Her eyes as they watched me.

Her soft voice, comforting.

The warmth of her hand so close to mine.

What would it feel like stroking…

That did it.

While relieved of that pressure, I felt disgusted with myself in having no restraint still.

I had been doing so well.

_It has only been a day, come on. _

But suddenly these interludes weren't enough.

I needed. More.

Buttoning my jeans angrily, I cleaned up and headed to the library. I ignored Lauren and Jessica's table as I passed, but could feel their eyes on me and hear their hushed voices as I headed straight for the table I knew Bella would be at. She looked up from the stack of books on the table before quickly looking back down, concentrating hard on the book in her hands.

How had she gathered so many books in so short a time?

Seeing the clock I was even more disgusted with myself.

Ten minutes had gone by.

"I got us a few books," she was saying while I mentally flogged myself. She seemed a little nervous as she pushed the books around on the table.

"Sorry," I mumbled and settled into the seat that was free beside her.

She just shrugged, and I could tell she was uncomfortable.

She upset that I had ditched her again.

"I left you to do the work again," I said and watched her fidget in her chair. Most of the movement was lost in my sweatshirt, but I could imagine it.

Which of course got me hard again.

"I'm actually used to doing things by myself," she said quietly, not looking up from the book.

"Me too," I replied, clenching my eyes shut at just how bad that sounded.

I cleared my throat and pulled a book towards me, confused by the title.

"What are we researching?" I asked.

"You weren't listening in class were you?" she retorted and shook her head.

"Uh, no," I replied, chuckling.

I was a little preoccupied.

She didn't comment on it but I noticed her eyes drifted towards my thighs for a second before returning to the book in her hand. She let out a soft sigh and pursed her lips.

Fuck, did she notice?

She was going to know I was a pervert. She was disgusted that I was a perv.

"Um," she started, rubbing at her neck nervously. "We're supposed to research how the genetics of the parents can affect the development of a fetus. So we have to look at what causes blindness in the womb."

"And a book on reproduction is supposed to help?" I asked, pushing the book away from me to grab another.

The last thing I wanted to look through were graphic pictures of how babies were made.

"It has a chapter on DNA and how the fetus develops," she said. She was blushing now.

She adjusted beside me and started pulling off my sweatshirt.

She was going to kill me. Her shirt underneath rode up a little, exposing her stomach before she could pull it down. She caught me watching her and blushed a little darker.

"It's too warm in here. I should give this back to you before class is over anyway," she whispered before placing the sweatshirt on the table between us.

"Thanks," I mumbled and fought the urge to pick it up and pull it to my nose.

She sat there, purposefully keeping her eyes off of me as she pulled another book close to her.

She seemed more nervous than she had earlier at lunch, almost to the point of avoiding conversation. I glanced down the aisle and caught Mike and Jessica looking our way. When they saw me they quickly turned their backs on us.

I really disliked that group over at that table. They had made Bella feel bad during lunch, and now with the rumor of us being together filtering around school, I was sure it made Bella more uncomfortable to be alone with me.

I frowned at that.

Was she acting strangely because she was alone with me, while they watched?

Maybe she was still worked up from the rumors.

"We can meet again after school," I suggested, hoping she'd want to as well. She was happier when we were alone.

We could talk more. Figure out what was making her nervous.

She glanced over towards the other table again and pursed her lips when the bell rang.

"I have to get to class, Edward," she said roughly and grabbed her bag and Junior.

Before I could stop her and ask what was wrong, she was rushing out of the library, leaving me there with several eyes looking from the closing door to me. I could hear Jessica and Lauren laughing from their table.

Something had happened between the time I had left her for the bathroom and coming in here. Something was wrong.

I should have never gone to the bathroom. Fucking bathroom.

Maybe she thought I didn't like her.

Or that the little stunt I had pulled this morning and then at lunch was over the top.

She was finally seeing my creepier side.

I gathered up my things, taking my sweatshirt with me. She had gym with Emmett, so I'd wait until she came out and I'd apologize for whatever I had done. We had made such huge leaps and I had ruined it.

I was socially stunted. The one girl I could even find an interest in, and I made her feel awkward.

I skipped my last class and waited by the gym door. I thought about going in to look for her, but that seemed a bit stalkerish. So I waited for what seemed like forever for the bell to ring until Emmett came barging out, stopping cold when he saw me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What?"

He looked behind him and grabbed me by the shoulder pulling me towards the parking lot.

"Your girl skipped class, I thought maybe she was doing the nasty with you somewhere," he replied, winking. "But then I heard Newton and that Stanley chick talking about her. I think they pissed her off."

I pulled him to a stop so I could talk to him.

"How? What were they saying?" I asked, a sense of foreboding coursing through me.

I knew something was up with them. Stupid asses.

"All I heard was Jessica saying she did her part and that Bella was going home, so Mike could get his chance without you interfering," he said, shaking his head. "I thought maybe you had just gone off with her to bang it, until I heard them talking. So I went looking for you. Didn't have to go far, were you waiting for her?"

"That's none of your business," I hissed, leaning in towards him.

He casually leaned back and laughed.

"I was just looking out for you, bro."

"Why are you even helping me?" I asked as we started for the parking lot again.

"Dude, you may be a fuckhead for getting us moved here, but no one fucks with my brother's booty call," he retorted.

"She's not my booty call," I hissed and pulled out my keys.

"Really? Cuz, the way you two look at each other over dinner, I'd swear you were banging her in the bathroom every period," he said and stepped away, offering me the thumbs up. "So go get you some!"

"Fuck off, Emmett."

"Maybe she can curb your appetite! A little Bella pie?"

I growled to myself and slid into my seat, ignoring Emmett's crude comments.

I couldn't think like that when I needed to figure out how to fix this. I pulled out towards Chief Swan's house.

The one good thing about small towns is that you know where everyone lives.

I hoped her father wasn't home.

I hoped I made it there before that fuck head, Newton did.

What did I even say?

What did they say to her to make her mad?

How did I make this right?

I needed to explain myself

I needed to show her.

Show her that I liked her.

That's what I'd do.

I'd show her.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I know… drama…. More about her sudden mood shift when we see her. There's a reason for her cold behavior, trust me.****.**

**You know it had something to do with those harpies… stupid High school. **

**And Emmett may be a tool, but he's at least cool enough to see that Edward needs her. **

**Things will be better very very soon. Whispers -maybe even next chapter!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	22. Chapter 22

**One more time! I wanted to make sure ya'll learned what was up with Bella. *grins* and how Edward deals with it. **

**So here it is. Last one for today! **

**Don't Know How- Joss Stone**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 22: "Boys are so confusing."**

**BPOV**

I really hated this feeling.

I hated being manipulated. I drove as fast as my truck could take me home.

I wanted to get as far away from that school as I could. From all the games and tricks.

Edward was just _using_ me?

Jessica and Lauren's words flitted through my head as I drove the short distance home.

"_Has he actually helped with the project at all, Bella?"_

"_How much have you done for him? I mean, he didn't even bother to come in and help you now!"_

"_He's just being nice to you so he'll pass his Biology class. Have you seen how well he pays attention in class?"_

"_I told you before, Bella. Don't waste your time. He's just using you. That whole family is weird."_

I hadn't believed them at first, but then I started piecing things together.

The more I thought about it, the more I doubted everything. From everyone.

Today had been one crazy thing after another.

I pulled into the driveway, throwing my poor truck in park hard and slamming the door, not caring about the shower of rust coming off it from my anger.

Stupid boys.

Stupid school.

Stupid Bio project.

I groaned and opened the door; unbuckling FC from the shoebox in the passenger seat and carrying it carefully back to the house. My mind was not on projects or even feeling guilty for skipping gym.

It was on the fact that maybe Edward Cullen was exactly like what Jessica and Lauren had said.

He was skittish around me in public, and it wasn't just being shy.

He had been a little freaked out with me coming to his house. Until we were alone.

Then he worked his charm on me.

Was I _that_ stupid?

No one puts lays that much charm on Bella Swan.

But he helped me with Mike. He had been nice at lunch.

Had he been playing me? So he could pass his class? Who was right? Why should I trust Jessica or Lauren?

I missed not having Angela around.

"Bells?"

I jumped at the sound of my name as I closed the front door, nearly dropping Flour Child.

"Dad!" I breathed. "I didn't know you were home."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and looked at the clock on the wall.

"You're home early," he commented and finished buttoning up his work shirt.

"I just skipped gym," I replied awkwardly. "I couldn't handle the danger today."

Charlie grunted and nodded, a sly smile on his face.

"While I shouldn't condone your skipping class, you probably saved me a trip to the ER," he joked.

I huffed and stalked to the kitchen.

Today was not the day to make fun of me.

"Bells? You okay? I didn't mean it," he said, following me into the kitchen and watching me from the door.

I plopped all my things down onto the table and dragged my hands into my hair, pulling it into a ponytail.

"It was just a bad day, Dad," I grumbled.

The last thing he needed to know about was boy trouble.

"What did he do?"

I spun around, shocked at my dad's perceptiveness. He pursed his lips and crossed his arms across his chest when he saw my surprise.

"I know more than you think, Bella. Not much ruffles your feathers. Was it this Edward boy?" he pressed. "Is he like his brother after all?"

I flopped down into the chair and put my head in my hands groaning.

"I don't know, Dad," I moaned. "Boys are so confusing."

"Did he touch you?"

I wish. Well, now maybe not.

"No," I grumbled.

"Did you want him to?"

I glared at my dad and stood up again, needing something to do.

"Dad! He's just confusing,' I said. "One minute he's like a knight in shining armor, the next I think he's just using me."

"Using you how?" he asked. I could hear the lawman talking.

I sighed and started to tell Charlie about my day, about how Mike had cornered me at my locker, how Edward had come to my rescue, leaving out all the quaking feelings I had had at that moment.

"Mike was hitting on you?" he asked, eyes narrowed. "What ever happened to a boy asks a girl out and respects her space? Or notes. Don't you guys pass notes around anymore?"

"No dad, they text now," I replied wearily. "Can I just finish my story?"

He nodded and let me finish.

How Lauren and Jessica had reacted at lunch, how Edward had saved me once again.

The rumors at school.

Edward disappearing to leave me to work alone, again.

"Maybe he's nervous," Charlie suggested. "Maybe he saw this thing with Mike as competition. Maybe he's not sure how to proceed. I didn't talk to your mother for a month before I got up the courage to ask her out."

"He's just confusing," I mumbled.

"I'm told boys are," Charlie remarked with a smile then softened his look. "But he also took the time to come to your aid. That's something in my book."

I sat back down, fidgeting with my hands and avoiding my dad's eyes.

"You don't think he's using me, like Jessica said?" I asked weakly.

Charlie leaned back in his chair and scratched at his moustache for a moment before throwing the caring dad face on.

"Have _you_ felt like he was using you?" he asked.

I blushed and dug at the crack in the tabletop.

I had no proof he had left because of me today. He disappeared a lot, but was always apologetic about it, and had been earnest in wanting to work together last night. His eyes seemed to say he was interested.

Could he lie that well?

I trusted his eyes. More than Jessica and Lauren.

But what if?

"I don't think so?" I said, more as a question than an answer.

"Well, he hasn't cornered you and made you uncomfortable like the Newton kid, so he's got points for that," Charlie said, his face back to cop mode. "I might need to have a word with Newton."

"Dad, please don't," I pleaded. "I don't need to be a complete outcast."

"Why would that make you an outcast?" he asked, honestly clueless.

I shook my head and stood up again.

"Nevermind, Dad. I just want to forget about this. Maybe I'll bake something," I mumbled, trying to change the subject.

"Ooh! I could go for some of your chocolate chip cookies for when I get home!" he exclaimed, rubbing his hands together.

I smiled, the first one since leaving school and pulled down the ingredients for my cookies. Charlie left me to finish getting ready for work, allowing me my time alone to think and wash the day away. Cooking made me see things a little more clearly.

It was good therapy.

I shook my head at the idea that I would jump on board with Jessica and Lauren's arguments. What had Edward ever done to make me think he was just using me.

Or was that why he pulled me from them at lunch? To keep them from warning me about him?

But his eyes had told me he was concerned.

It was too confusing for me to figure out.

I needed to confront him. Ask him. See the lie in his eyes now that I knew to look for it.

I was shoving my second round of chocolate chip cookies into the oven when I heard the knock at the door. Wiping my hands on the towel over my shoulder, I walked to the door. Charlie was still in the living room arguing with the TV.

I wasn't expecting what I saw when I opened the door.

"Edward," I gasped, surprised by him being so close to the door, leaned up against the door jam.

Hair a mess, cheeks flushed, eyes burning.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice rough.

His hands moved in, one cradling my cheek as the other wrapped around my waist and moved me into him. I was jelly in his arms at his insistence.

One touch and I had forgotten that determination over something or other.

He pulled me close, his head dipping down.

Breath, sweet like a peppermint washing over me.

His lips, so close now, slightly open. Tongue peeking out to wet them.

Eyes following my lips closer to his.

Fingers burning on my neck.

Closer.

So close.

My eyes closing for that moment I had been fantasizing about…

"Bells? Who's at the door?"

And then the sudden vertigo feeling you get when a boy jumps back before he's caught by the man with the worst timing.

"Shit, I didn't realize your dad was home," Edward breathed from somewhere near me.

My eyes were still closed, albeit clenched now along with my fists.

I let out a couple of choice words under my breath before opening my eyes to see Edward standing there, wide eyed. Staring behind me.

"You Edward Cullen?" Charlie said behind me, all business.

Well, crap.

"Um, yes sir," Edward said, and I could hear the terror in his voice.

Before I could say anything, Charlie was leaning around me to extend his hand. Edward eyes shot towards mine for a second before taking Charlie's hand in a firm handshake.

"Good to meet you, son. You got a strong grip there," Charlie said, squeezing Edward's hand a little more firmly, like some kind of man contest. "You play sports?"

I could see the nerves all over Edward's face as he cleared his throat and shook his head.

"No, sir. Um, I just work out some," he mumbled.

"Well, come in. I guess you two need to talk or some such? Project stuff?" Charlie said, winking at me when Edward stepped inside.

"Dad," I warned.

He put up his hands and grinned.

"You can go to the kitchen. I have to go get my gunbelt and you know, clean my pistol," he said, chuckling when he noticed Edward blanch.

"Dad," I said again.

"Just kidding," he quipped, then looked seriously at Edward. "I cleaned it earlier."

"Oh my god," I muttered and pulled Edward towards the kitchen, away from my embarrassing father.

"Does he really have a gun?" Edward whispered as we entered the kitchen.

"Well, he is Police Chief," I retorted and turned on Edward, my arms crossed over my chest.

Edward seemed to sense my discomfort and took a tentative step towards me.

"You left early," he whispered, his eyes scrunched together into his eyebrows.

"I had enough of school for one day," I replied simply.

"Jessica and Lauren upset you."

I took a step back from him, my back pushing up against the counter.

"How do you know about that?" I asked guardedly.

He took another step towards me.

"Emmett heard Jessica and Mike talking about it. What did they say to make you so upset?" he whispered, taking another step closer. If he reached out, he could touch me.

"Why are you so nice to me, Edward?" I asked, looking down at his feet as he moved closer.

"You're nice to me."

"Why else?" I asked, afraid now to look up, he was really close.

"You are kind of fascinating to me."

"It's not just because you're my Biology Partner?" I whispered, glancing up hestitantly before looking away again.

He had paused and his eyes changed from dark and lusty to confused.

"No, I don't really care about that, except that it gives me a chance to see you more," he whispered. "What did Jessica say to you?"

I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him, so I watched his lips, which was perhaps even worse.

"She said you were being so nice because you needed someone to do your work. And after you didn't come back right away today, it made me wonder," I said quietly.

I felt his fingers slip along my cheek, cupping my head in between them. When I chanced a look back up to his eyes, they were troubled.

"I'd never do that to you."

"Why?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.

I felt his hands moving, one anchoring itself through my hair in the back of my head, the other tracing along my jaw and down.

Gentle pressure from a fingertip and he was pulling my head up to look into his face.

Lips, licked. Eyes, dark and intent on my own. Nose slightly flared from his heavier breathing. That one finger burned the little fat part of my chin.

"You're all I think about," he whispered.

"Really?" I asked, feeling his charm dissuade me from all the thoughts that had bothered me an hour ago.

"Really."

His lips were a little closer.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.

I prayed Charlie had the good sense to stay out of the kitchen.

For at least the next few moments.

Because I'd burst if I missed this chance again.

Leaning. Tilting my head up.

"Bella," he murmured, his lips brushing against mine as he said my name.

Hot, soft, barely any pressure there on my lips.

But pressure everywhere else in my body as his lips moved across mine again.

Soft against soft. A moan from somewhere, a tightening feeling against my scalp, and then more pressure.

Firmer lips, Mine responding.

When did my hands find his hair?

Tongue flicking my upper lip. Firmer, opening.

He tasted like mint when my tongue touched his.

I know I groaned then and pulled him closer, not caring if I pulled his hair too hard. I could feel him responding, his mouth taking over mine aggressively, his hand clenching in my hair until I thought I'd cry out in pain. But he seemed to know just how far to take me.

_Oh god, yes. Please take me. _

His body pressed against mine. I felt the breath rush out of me when I realized just how hard I had made him. He pulled his mouth away from mine, his breath labored. But he kept me pinned to the countertop, his hips adjusting slightly.

Both of us groaned that time.

"You really like me," I whispered, not caring that I sounded like an idiot quoting some old actress from whenever.

He let out a relieved chuckle and nodded, his head leaned hard against my forehead.

"I _really_ like you."

I didn't want to move from our spot, but Charlie had other plans.

I wondered if maybe he had some spider sense or something.

"I'm on my way to the kitchen, you two! Better be cookies and homework being made in there!"

I groaned in embarrassment and felt Edward step back quickly, one nervous hand in his hair, the other trying and failing at hiding anything in his jeans pocket.

But before Charlie appeared to put cuffs on Edward for his obvious arousal, Charlie let out a barking laugh from somewhere in the hallway.

"You've got another boy pulling up, Bella!" he hollered.

Edward tensed and glowered towards the window behind me, looking outside to the front yard.

"Newton."

Oh, this was going to get ugly.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**I can't even care that this is uber long… nope… grins…**

**You know that feeling you get when you reach the top of that super high rollercoaster… you hold your breath because you know what a thrill you're gonna get in about 1.2 seconds when the car tips over the top. **

**We just got to the tippy top… hold on to something. **

**Have a great rest of the day! **

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	23. Chapter 23

**Happy Sunday ya'll! Wow, a lot of very angry feelings towards the Forks Triad (Mike, Jess, Lauren) Who knew!**

**Let's see how Mike fares.**

**Song choice was difficult for this one. Thanks You Tube for distracting me for hours!**

**Daddy's Little Girl- Michael Bublé**

**Daddy's Little Girl- Jesse McCartney (but I deny listening to him, lol)**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 23: "I bet you like to drive fast."**

**EPOV**

Having Bella's father there in the house was a little unlucky. But perhaps that was lucky for Bella.

As soon as my lips touched hers, I really didn't want to stop.

I wanted to eat her up.

She tasted like soft, gooey, homemade cookies.

And I loved cookies.

The danger of being caught by her father fulfilled every fucked up need in me as I rubbed against her, wishing we were naked and horizontal. Her tender exploration of kissing me made my mind whirl.

She wasn't possessive like Tanya. She was tentative at first, and then grew bolder as my tongue searched her out. I liked this timid approach she had. Because when her fingers tightened in my hair, it made me hungrier for her. So much want in my blood, something I hadn't felt in months, coursed through me as I devoured her.

Kisses were never this amazing. With _anyone_.

But with her, I almost felt like she could do me in. I pressed against her a little harder, gripped at her silky hair so that it was tightly wound, trapping her mouth to mine. I could feel her breath pick up, her breasts crushing against me rapidly.

This was so much more than I had hoped for.

I finally loosened my hold on her hair, not wanting to hurt her. But my body refused to pull away. My cock enjoyed feeling the softness of her stomach pushing against it. As if to confirm it, my hips moved on their own, pushing back against her until we both groaned into each other.

I had to breathe. Calm down.

Or I'd come just from the feeling of her rubbing against me.

Her soft voice helped to calm me. A soft murmuring that soothed and wove some magic charm around me. Bella definitely had a spell on me.

I could stay there forever wedged against her, at least until I was reminded that we weren't in the house alone.

"There better be cookies and homework being made in there!"

I stepped away from her quickly, trying in vain to calm myself before her father could see just how perverted I was with a raging hard on in my jeans. Looking over at Bella, she was not much better.

Red plump lips.

Hard nipples screaming for some attention.

And it was not my imagination that she was clenching her thighs. I knew that move.

Fuck and she was doing it because of me.

_She_ really liked _me_.

I prepared myself to be thrown out on my ear for kissing his daughter when he laughed and called from down the hall.

"You got another boy pulling up, Bella!"

I looked out the window behind her, my hackles going up at the ass stepping out of his car.

"Newton."

_Ha, got here first fucker. _

Was this typical though? Guys stopping by.

Her father seemed awfully glib about it.

I wasn't about to let Newton crowd in on my time with Bella. I hadn't even really talked to her.

And_ other_ stuff.

No one else was going to kiss her.

Or touch her.

Or…

"It's okay, Edward," Bella whispered and touched me on the arm, bringing me back to her in the kitchen. I realized I had moved towards the front door, standing in the doorway of the kitchen with Bella close beside me.

"What he did," I started but she smiled softly up to me and shook her head.

"Who's the one I invited inside?" she whispered, eyes searching me out to reassure me.

Which of course she did. Because she had picked me, not that loser, Newton.

"Yea or nay, Bells," her father asked as he neared the door.

I wanted to tell Mike _no_. In my own way.

Yes, that idea of dragging her by the hair and pounding on my chest came to mind again.

Especially now that I had touched her hair. It was like soft threads that tickled and teased my fingers as it slipped through them.

When had I reached for her hair again?

"I don't want to talk to him, Dad," she said, feeling for my hand, which I gave her easily.

Because if she kept searching for it, she was going to find something else, and I wasn't ready for Chief Swan to arrest me for indecent exposure.

I watched in sick fascination as the Chief rubbed his hands together and cracked his neck by jerking it from side to side, like he was preparing for a boxing match.

Bella pulled me a little closer to her, so that she let me hover over her from behind.

_Not thinking about it. Not thinking about her ass rubbing. _

And her hair was right there under my nose.

The presence of Chief Swan, who was now fingering the handle of his gun on his hip as he opened the door, was enough to make me behave.

"Chief Swan," we heard Mike say, his voice dripping with that false confidence he always had when speaking to anyone he was afraid of.

"Mike," the Chief muttered.

"Um, is Bella here?"

I felt myself tense at his question. He had some balls. Ones I would be sure to cut off tomorrow in school.

"You're a little late, Newton. And this isn't the Dating Game or the Nature channel. I don't think lightly of boys making my girl uncomfortable and then coming over like some wolf trying to be the alpha," the Chief continued.

"I didn't make Bella uncomfortable, sir," Mike said, his bravado faltering.

"Care to explain to me, son, why you'd corner her at her locker this morning?Is that how boys do it now?" the Chief grilled. I looked down when Bella leaned in a little closer to me. "Or maybe what all this nonsense is about with Bella and the Cullen kid."

"I didn't have anything to do with what was said about Bella and Edward, sir. Jessica and Lauren just didn't want to see Bella get hurt. They wanted to make sure she dated the right guy."

"I think that's up to Bella, son. After today, Newton, I've got my eye on you. If Bella comes home with so much as a tear in her eye, I'll be cruising for some explanations," the Chief said, and glanced back at us.

I felt his silent warning fall on me.

This was a speech for both of Bella's suitors.

"Bella's all I got, I plan on making sure she's happy," the Chief continued. "And I trust her to make the right choices."

"Yes, sir," Mike stammered.

The chief nodded and waved Mike off.

"This isn't a butcher shop, son. No numbers being taken here for her affections. You can be sure to apologize to her in school tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

"And, remember!" the Chief exclaimed after what I assumed was Mike retreating. "I have my eye on you and know where you live!"

He chuckled and closed the door with a flourish, turning to look at the two of us. I managed to sneak a step away from Bella, just to look respectful, even with her hand wrapped around mine.

"Do you smell something burning?" the Chief asked, sniffing the air and grimacing.

"My cookies!" Bella cried out and practically shoved me out of the way to dash into the kitchen, leaving me alone for one brief moment with the Chief.

He pointed two of his fingers to his eyes, then pointed at me with a serious look on his face.

"Same goes for you, young man, if she gets hurt," he said quietly while Bella clanked and clamored in the kitchen.

"I would never think of hurting Bella, sir," I replied solemnly.

He nodded in silent agreement and then looked past me to the kitchen.

"I leave in ten minutes. You're leaving with me, correct?"

I nodded quickly, hands digging into my jeans nervously.

"You're not too bad, boy. Not too bad," he said with a smile and turned back to the living room while I hastily retreated to the kitchen, feeling the clock tick by on how much time I had left.

Bella was dropping some black round things into the trash and shaking her head.

"I never burn them," she muttered and placed the metal sheet in her hands roughly on the counter, making the bag of flour next to it tip over.

Bag. Of. Flour.

"You killed Junior!" I cried out and moved quickly to the ripped open bag laying on its side.

"What?" she asked, eyes scrunched up in confusion.

I gingerly pulled the bag away from the counter and peeked inside. There was probably a quarter of the bag left.

"I know you were mad, but," I said, at a loss for words that she would sabotage our project like that.

Even if I did hate the damn thing.

Even though it sacrificed itself for chocolate chip cookies.

That she had burned.

Such a waste.

"Edward!" Bella said loudly, laughing. "That's not Flour Child!"

She rolled her eyes at me and plucked the ruined bag from my hands, and then pointed towards the kitchen table. I turned and looked, seeing our fake flour baby reclined in a box for work boots.

"I wouldn't do that," she continued, laughing softly and laying the other flour sack back on the counter.

"Sorry," I murmured, smiling sheepishly.

Bella was no killer.

"You need to stop saying you're sorry, you know," she said and reached across the counter for a cookie that wasn't burned.

She broke it in half, popping one part in her mouth while offering me the other. I accepted it and took a bite, humming at the explosion of Bella in my mouth.

I can't help it. She will always taste like cookies now, thanks to that incredible kiss.

I smiled and leaned in a little closer, wanting a repeat of that first kiss.

But the Chief had us on a time limit, which he made known.

"Five minutes!"

"I'm going to kill him," Bella grumbled and glowered at the doorway.

I pulled back and let out a sigh.

"I need to go soon," I whispered and looped my fingers through her hair again. "But I want to talk some more."

"You can call me," she suggested, looking straight at my chest.

"Can I pick you up in the morning?" I asked, stepping a little closer to her so I could feel her one last time. Yeah, I was hooked.

She thought about it for a second and then looked up with a playful expression.

"Do you have a clean driving record? Charlie won't let you drive me unless you're clean," she said, smiling.

My mind was in so many places at that.

She laughed when I remained silent.

"I bet you like to drive fast," she quipped.

She had no idea.

"I should go, before he kicks me out," I murmured and leaned in to kiss her quickly.

She reacted immediately and soon we were scrambling away from one another at the Chief's voice in the hall.

"Time's up!"

I let out a long sigh and forced myself to take a step back, wiping at my mouth to be sure it wasn't covered in evidence for the Chief.

Bella walked me to the door, where her father waited expectantly.

"I'll be back late, Bells," he said and then looked me in the eye, man to man. "But I make my rounds to be sure the neighborhood is safe and that no one that shouldn't be here is."

"Dad," she said, her voice frustrated.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, fully aware of the Chief watching us carefully.

"Give me your phone," she said, and scowled at her dad when he crossed his arms again watching us. I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone, handing it to her. She smiled and tapped something into it, handing it back to me.

"Text me later," she said quietly.

I nodded, a little nervous with her dad still standing there. He opened up the door and followed me out, Bella waving to us both as she watched us walk to our cars. When I opened up the driver's side door, the Chief called out to me.

"Volvo, huh? Safest cars out there. That's good," he said and slid into his car, waiting until I was on the road before he pulled out.

Bella's dad was a little intimidating, but after she had met my family, I couldn't feel too upset by it.

He was looking out for her. I respected that.

I was of course, screwed if he ever learned what I was about.

I had to be sure he didn't.

Or that I changed.

Both were going to prove difficult.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awww. He likes her…cookies… And dear Charlie… he looks a little different coming from a boys POV… but I still love him. **

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	24. Chapter 24

**A little bit of Bella… **

**She must just be on cloud 9… lol**

**Call Me- Blondie: going old skool…**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 24: _"Are you really naked?"_**

**BPOV**

_Call…_

_Come on…_

I sat at the kitchen table, staring down my phone impatiently. I hadn't done much else.

Nearly burned the last two batches of cookies, but I had enough to salvage for Charlie.

And Edward.

I absolutely was bringing cookies tomorrow.

God, he tasted amazing the first time, but when he ate a cookie, he was like chocolate covered sex.

All right, what I assumed was chocolate covered sex.

Damn, would he let me melt chocolate on him and lick him clean?

Was that too kinky?

Thoughts of drizzling chocolate down his chest and a lot lower made me burn the last batch.

That was an hour ago and the house had finally aired out.

I looked at my phone again, checking to be sure I didn't have it on silent and traipsed through the house to start locking up. It wasn't too late, but as soon as the sun went down, I grew nervous having anything open when I was alone.

I had never told Charlie about the time someone broke in to Mom's house in Phoenix. He would have flipped out and hired a babysitter for me. It was easier just to deal with my fear and lock up early.

Too bad he made Edward leave.

Charlie was pretty cool as a dad, more like an older brother on a lot of things, but he still seemed to be overprotective over me when it came to actual boys. He seemed to like Edward though, which made me smile.

If Charlie liked him, eventually he'd let him stay longer.

After Charlie left for work.

We'd behave.

Sure.

I checked my phone again, worrying my lip at the thought that maybe I had punched in the number wrong.

Stupid me, I should have called my number so I'd have his too.

Would he think me desperate if I had called him?

This was new territory for me. I mean, I had been on dates, but if you didn't include Bobby Newman in the third grade, I never really had a boyfriend before. Just a lot of guy friends that thought I'd make a good pal when they needed advice on girls.

Why they thought I was the expert, I would never know.

And was Edward even my boyfriend?

I mean, he hadn't asked. He had just kissed me.

And I had not clarified; just let him kiss me good and proper.

I touched my lips again for the millionth time, enjoying the slight burn I felt around them from his stubble.

Shaking myself out of my daydreams of what that stubble could do, I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, sad that he had not called, texted, or even snuck back to see me. I was sure Charlie must have scared him a little, after Charlie's speech to Mike.

As much as I liked Charlie giving Mike the heeve ho, I didn't want Edward to think my dad would pull out his gun on him should he find us making out in the kitchen.

Or having mad crazy sex in my bed.

Looking at my bed as I stepped into my room, I wondered how he would fit in it. It was one of those old doubles. And he was tall.

Imagining Edward in my bed wasn't helping my frustration that he hadn't texted me.

I tried everything to distract myself.

I filled out our Flour Child journal, laughing at Edward's entries from the night before. He was definitely not one to go into detail, but I could tell he was trying.

Which reminded me that he was supposed to have Flour Child at night.

He totally got out of taking care of Flour Child!

He was going to take it all day tomorrow!

I was brushing my teeth when I heard my phone chirp.

Spitting out quickly I grabbed at my phone, trying not to scream when I saw the name.

Dammit.

"Hi, Dad."

"_Well that's not the happy girl I thought I'd hear,"_ he replied.

I sighed and wiped at my mouth, not in the mood to discuss my disappointment over the phone with my dad.

"I'd just a little tired, Dad," I replied, heading back to my room.

"_Well, just checking in with you. No one else there, right?"_ he asked, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

"No, Dad. You sufficiently scared him," I groused, sure that was why he hadn't texted.

I'd be lucky to get a ride tomorrow.

Of any kind.

"_Well, get some sleep. I'll drive by a little later to check in on you,"_ he said.

"Okay. See you in the morning?"

"_Maybe. I might work the double shift,"_ he replied.

We said our goodnights and I slid under the sheets and blanket, watching my phone power button blink in the dark.

It was nearly ten, early still for bed, but what else did I have to do?

Nothing.

I was feeling extra down as I closed my eyes, hoping maybe tomorrow wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be.

I touched my lips again, recalling the memory once more, hoping that maybe it could brighten my mood. Give me some visuals as I slid onto my back and let my free hand trace over the edge of my underwear. What would his lips feel like elsewhere?

What would his hands feel like doing this to me?

What would he feel like? There?

I was thinking of how soft his hair was when I heard the beep.

My eyes shot open.

Did I imagine it.

I swallowed and turned my head to my phone. The keyboard was lit up.

_Message. _

_Yes!_

I sat up and straightened my bedding, tucked back my hair that had worked loose, and took a deep breath.

Opening up the message, I let out a noise that sounded something like what happens when your tires spin a little when you hit the gas too hard.

Whatever, I was alone.

And I had a text from Edward.

_-Sorry, is this too late. Just got away from the rents. _

I wiggled in my bed and counted to thirty.

I didn't want to look like I had my phone in bed with me, waiting.

At twenty nine seconds I typed out my reply and hit send.

_-It's cool. I'm still up. Just reading in bed. _

It took him forever respond. An entire three minutes.

_-I was worried it'd be too late. What u reading?_

Oh crap. I needed something to be reading!

I glanced over at my bookshelf and picked the first thing there.

_-Jane Austen. What are you doing?_

_-Just got into bed. _

The mental image of Edward, naked to his waist, sheet tucked low as he lay there texting me made me slow to respond. It might have taken a minute. He'd probably know I was thinking about that. I quickly texted the first thought that popped into my head.

_-I'm not keeping you up am I?_

Looking at that after sending it, I smirked. I wondered if he got boners by texts too?

_-I don't mind staying up for you. _

Regardless of how he meant it, I was a little swoony. I must have been too slow in replying because he texted me back again.

_-Can I call you? I'm not so good at texts._

I grinned and texted him back to call me, and before I had closed out the text message, my phone was ringing.

"Hello?" I answered, cringing when I heard just how breathy it was.

"_Hi."_

His voice was deep over the phone, and he drew out those two little letters like a contented sigh with words.

"Hi," I replied, grinning when I heard him chuckle.

Everything sounded deeper over the phone.

"_Is this all right?"_ he asked softly._ "I don't want to get you in trouble."_

"My dad's on patrol, he won't mind," I replied and felt a shiver run over my body when I heard him make a noise something like the groan he had made earlier when we kissed.

"_He's pretty protective of you, he might,"_ he murmured.

It was driving me crazy, hearing his voice in my ear, even if it was only on the phone.

"So what are you doing right now?" I asked, trying to deflect the conversation of my father.

"_Talking with you."_

I laughed and slid down a little further into my bed.

"_What are you doing?"_ he asked.

"Lying here talking with you," I teased.

Another groan from him.

Thank goodness I only needed one hand to talk to him.

Yes, I was totally touching myself.

I heard a shuffling from his end and then another noise that sounded like a sigh.

"What was that?"

"_You could hear that?"_ he asked before letting out a long breath before whispering, _"I was getting more comfortable."_

"What, are you naked?" I asked, meaning it as a joke.

"_Are you?"_

I really needed to be, my underwear was a nuisance.

"Maybe," I replied, this strange bit of boldness exhilarating.

"_You can't say those things to me, Bella,"_ he whispered, his voice a little strained_. "Are you really naked?"_

I laughed again and shifted in my bed, my underwear disappearing somewhere in the covers.

"No, absolutely not. I'm a good girl, Edward," I replied coyly.

I heard him start to say my name when he stuttered and covered his phone quickly, the noise beyond muffled so I couldn't tell if he was talking or not. When he uncovered the phone he let out another long breath.

"_I have to go, Bella. I can still pick you up tomorrow?"_ he asked, his voice low.

"Seven thirty?" I asked.

"_Seven thirty. Night Bella. Sweet dreams,"_ he whispered.

"You too," I murmured.

I closed my eyes and smiled into the darkness, the warm flowing feeling tingling through my body as I traced along my stomach again. I tried to imagine him there with me, his fingers instead of mine. But there was something missing.

Something more I was sure.

Somehow my hands just didn't have the same effect as what I hoped his might.

Well, damn. I had blocked myself.

From anticipation.

Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awww. Bella can't get off on her own, and poor Edward is probably getting off for the third time since leaving her. I know you all wanted super sexy sexting... maybe on their second phone date...lol**

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	25. Chapter 25

**A little early in the update, I'm going to be pretty busy in the morning, so you get to benefit! **

**I was going to jump forward a little, but you all seemed to want to see more of EPOV of that phone call… so… yeah! Here ya go! **

**Evil With You- People in Planes**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 25: Oh, I wanted a _good_ girl.**

**EPOV**

My phone burned in my pocket. I fidgeted all through dinner while Emmett watched me with a sly grin.

Every chance he could, he'd try and make me slip about Bella. And each time, I'd felt my phone get a little heavier in my pocket.

I didn't want to look overeager calling her, but it had been two hours since I had left, and the need to have some kind of contact with her was unbearable.

"Did you have a good day today, Edward?" Esme asked.

I nodded and shovelled more green beans in my mouth.

The less I talked the better my chances of not slipping up and saying something that would be used against me later.

"Did you see Bella today?" Carlisle asked casually.

Esme had assured me when I got home earlier that I didn't have to meet with him anymore, but that didn't mean he didn't try other ways to get information out of me.

"She's my lab partner, of course I saw her," I replied simply and reached for another bread roll.

"Do you have to work with her outside of class?" he asked.

"Some, I guess," I hedged. "I mean we have to take care of the flour child."

I stopped and internally groaned. I had let her keep it tonight. She was going to think I was bailing on the project again.

Maybe I could go over. Just to pick it up, of course.

Call her first.

I took another bite of my roll, wondering if she had any more cookies left.

"Worked up an appetite today," Emmett said, eyebrow raised.

I looked him in the eye and popped the rest of the roll into my mouth, not answering him. Truth was, I had barely eaten my lunch, being a little too distracted by nice lips sucking on the juices of that apple.

Fuck.

I'd be stuck at the table now for a bit.

"So how are things with you, Emmett?" Esme asked, turning the conversation away from me.

Emmett distracted them with tales of football practice, commenting on how much better his throw or something was. I took the time off anyone's radar to combat my tight jeans. Thinking of anything that might calm my nerves and other things.

I had a math test tomorrow. I could sleep through it and still get an A in the class.

I wondered which math class Bella was in.

Not helping.

I needed to get an oil change.

Really not helping.

We finished supper, but Esme recruited me to help with dishes. I felt my phone mocking me at yet another delay in calling. I knew it was Esme's way of keeping me distracted, but it was getting late and I didn't want to look like an ass by not calling Bella.

"I'm glad you had a good day," Esme said at one point in between scrubbing plates.

I shrugged and kept drying.

"I wanted to ask you something. Something personal," she whispered, and when I glanced at her, I noticed she was blushing.

Which was worse, Carlisle in his office, or my mother, who knew what I was up to in my sheets?

Why did everyone need to know my business?

"Mom," I started, grimacing when she looked up at me with her _affected _look.

You know the one.

Sad that she has lost that bit of connection that you once had when you were eight and needed her to scare away the monsters in the closet.

Esme had been good at scaring my closet monsters then.

So the guilt was unbearable.

"Fine," I agreed miserably.

She smiled and looked down at the dishwater, already confirming for me that this would be awkward.

"I just want you to know I think that any sort of relationship you might have with a girl can be good for you," she said, lips pursed hard on the stubborn dish she was washing.

"But?"

I knew there was a _but_, she was stalling. She nodded and looked up at me, eyes pained.

"I just want to be sure that you know to be respectful," she replied, swallowing. "Bella's a good girl, I can tell. And she deserves to be treated so. Slowly and respectfully. I know you have ideas…"

"Mom," I groaned and laid the plate down hard. "I know how to be respectful."

She nodded and went back to scrubbing furiously.

"I just don't want you to feel that what happened… with...," she stammered. She still couldn't say Tanya's name. "I'd just like you to maybe talk to someone before you get serious. Someone who knows a little better than we do."

"Mom, I don't want to ruin this with Bella," I said quietly, feeling my phone rubbing against me, taunting me. "I can handle it without someone telling me I'm sick. I'm already better."

She nodded and glanced at me worriedly.

"It wouldn't be so bad to talk to someone about it though, right? We have a friend who understands what you are going through," she said, stopping again to let out a breath. "I want you to know it's not because I think you're sick. It's because of the past, and I wish I could erase that for you."

We were quiet for a while, as we continued to wash the dishes.

We rarely talked about the past. Any of it. Esme had dealt with so many demons, it was her philosophy that the past be buried and only look to the future.

So what happens when your past shapes you into something that is taboo?

She had no idea when she and Carlisle adopted me that I'd be who I was today.

Maybe I wasn't as bad as everyone thought. How I thought.

But she was right.

In order for me to respect Bella, I needed to see someone other than Carlisle.

"I'll go," I whispered and leaned in to hug my mom. "I'll go, okay?"

After garbage duty and taking a shower, I finally was able to retreat to my room. I held the phone in my hand, nervous suddenly to text her. This was nothing bad, right? Just calling her to talk. We needed to talk more.

What to say?

My mind was in a tailspin after all the feelings that coursed through me all day.

My shower should have calmed me, but I was more nervous now than before. My body was wired.

It's just texting. You can't get in trouble texting.

Texts weren't sexy.

Somehow I knew, no matter what Bella wrote, I'd find a reason to touch myself again.

I hadn't kept track today, but I knew I was well down on my numbers. That didn't mean I didn't still want to drive back over there and see if she tasted as sweet elsewhere as on her lips.

I flopped into bed with a groan, cradling my phone in my hand, deliberating.

_Just text to see what time you needed to be there to pick her up. _

My finger hovered over the send button forever before I finally did it. And held my breath.

I prayed it wasn't too late. The last thing I wanted was for her father to come by in his police car, warning me about late night calls.

I didn't expect her to answer quite so fast. I smiled at the idea that maybe she had been waiting for me to call. Or maybe it was late enough that she didn't get many calls.

But she seemed happy to text me. And learning that she was in bed made things much more interesting.

What did she wear to bed?

Was she really reading in bed?

What did her bed look like? And was there room for me?

Having to use two hands to text was so much more difficult than I wanted it to be. I needed a free hand for other things. When she agreed to let me call her, I immediately hit the speed dial.

Yes, she was on my speedial.

And her voice, so much lustier over the phone than in person.

I really needed to concentrate on her and not what her voice was making me think.

What would my name sound like all breathy?

Was it because she was in bed?

Was she just as excited to hear me as I was to hear her?

She just had to mention lying in bed again. I shuffled down lower into my blankets; sleep pants and boxers shoved past my thighs.

I couldn't help it. She was in bed, the mental images were torture. I refused to think about how wrong it was to do this with her on the line.

It was wrong. _Wrong wrong wrong._

_"What was that?"_ she asked. I stopped fidgeting in the sheets and pulled the phone up close to my mouth.

"You could hear that?" I murmured, wondering if she could also hear anything else.

But that was under two blankets and a sheet.

"I was getting more comfortable," I answered, closing my eyes as I felt myself stiffen further at my own touch.

I couldn't wait for her to touch me.

Stroke me.

Suck me.

_"What, are you naked?"_ she asked, and I swear her voice was breathy again.

"Are you?" I asked, trying to imagine that.

She made a soft noise, something like a moan and then, _"Maybe."_

Oh God, I had known this girl for only a few days, and already she was playing with me.

Tempting me.

I'd get off before I could ask her to touch herself.

Fuck I was supposed to behave. Be respectful. Too soon, and I was too perverted for the likes of her.

How was I going to have a normal relationship with her when I couldn't keep from stroking myself while on the phone with her?

"You can't say things like that to me, Bella," I whispered, trying hard to control my breathing so I didn't sound like some obscene phone caller.

But her naked. That possibility made me groan.

"Are you really naked?" I asked, straining not to come right then if she said yes.

Fuck. I could hear her moving in her bed and then a throaty laugh.

_"Of course not, Edward. I'm a good girl,"_ she whispered.

I felt myself winding up fast and hard; she was going to do me in with her innocent banter.

Oh I wanted a good girl. A girl that could make me good.

Or make me so very bad. This was wrong on so many levels, but I couldn't stop it.

Couldn't stop.

I could feel the tension; I knew I was going to come… _so wrong wrong wrong._

"Bel-," I stuttered, freezing in my bed when I heard the abrupt knock on my door and the doorknob turning.

Fuck me.

I tucked the phone under the blankets just as Carlisle opened the door to peek in.

Peek in. More like check to see if I was accomplishing number twelve for the day.

"Edward," he said, looking me over quickly before swallowing. "I just wanted to let you know, I made the appointment with Dr. Whitlock for Saturday morning. Your mother said you wanted to meet."

I held my breath and simply nodded. If I spoke he'd hear I was out of breath.

I refused to let him know I was currently getting off on a girl. Although I'm sure I looked like it.

"Well, goodnight, Edward," he said quietly and closed the door again, leaving me to let out my breath and slide the phone back out again.

And suddenly I was much less aroused.

Being reminded of my issues would do that.

It was like Carlisle knew and came in to stop me from doing something so base.

Bella didn't deserve that.

I closed my eyes and put the phone back to my ear.

"I have to go, Bella. Can I still pick you up tomorrow?"

_"Seven thirty?"_ she asked, her voice low.

I sighed at the clinging image of her spent and flushed in her own bed.

If only, maybe one day.

"Seven thirty. Night Bella, sweet dreams."

Dream of me. God, how I hoped she dreamed of me.

I erased my texts, sure that Carlisle might try and see what I was about, and laid back down into the warmth of my blankets. I let my eyes close with thoughts of her in my mind, my orgasm a little more potent than usual.

But then again, I had her in my head, and recalling her touch this afternoon, it wasn't difficult to get off. I know I had promised Esme I would go slow, and I knew I'd try.

But I also knew that I wanted her.

Now more than ever.

It would be difficult not to take it further tomorrow.

But I'd try.

I'd… try.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: so… Struggling to be good, failing in some ways… We'll see about this Whit person helping him… grins.**

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello again! Sorry it's late. Had a busy day yesterday and I'm behind on writing. Stupid work! Ah well, gotta pay the bills. **

**So here ya go. A little Bella. **

**Here Comes Your Man- The Pixies**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 26: "I was trying to behave today."**

**BPOV**

I had such trouble sleeping, between Charlie being gone and my expectations for seeing Edward in the morning, that I finally got up and got ready for school, two hours before I needed to. And while I was certainly tired, the excitement of the day gave me a nervous sort of energy that I couldn't contain.

I cleaned my mess from the night before, spending a little time straightening Charlie's area in the living room. Everything I would normally do on the weekend I had accomplished in a couple of hours. And still I had energy. I showered and spent more time getting ready than I ever had.

I may have shaved and plucked a few areas I had never really thought about.

I definitely made sure my underwear and my bra matched and hadn't faded or become holey in any sense of the word.

It made me realize I needed to go and buy new underwear.

Or not wear any.

Eww. Too weird.

I left a note for Charlie that I was getting a ride and waited by the door shortly after seven.

I hoped he wasn't the kind of person that arrived late for things.

Early was on time in my book.

So when he pulled up at seven fifteen, I could feel myself bouncing in my shoes.

That gave us almost forty five minutes together before first bell!

But he stayed in his car, instead of coming to knock.

I could see him there in the reflection, hands on the wheel and crazy hair moving back and forth. I realized he was shaking his head. Then he'd stop and his head would lean forward.

What the heck was he doing?

I waited another minute.

Did he want me to just come out?

Well that was sort of rude. I mean I wasn't really sure of what our relationship was, but a guy should always come to the door, even as friends right?

And we were not just friends.

I was pretty sure.

So was he just waiting then until seven thirty?

I looked at the clock in the hall.

That was thirteen minutes away!

What was he doing?

I sighed in frustration, knowing I was going to have to suck it up and just go out there. He obviously wasn't going to come to the door. I grabbed my coat and cradled FC in my arm while I fumbled with getting my keys out to lock the door.

"Bella."

I jumped at the sound of his voice, nearly dropping everything in my hands.

Edward rushed forward and caught FC before it fell to the ground, his reflexes super fast.

"You scared me," I mumbled, clutching my keys to my chest until my hands stopped shaking.

He frowned and looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and kept his eyes downturned.

"No, it's me," I replied and turned back to the door. "I'm always a little jumpy when I think I'm by myself."

His eyes trailed up until they were level with my chin, when he swallowed heavily and cleared his throat.

"Why is that?"

I stood there between him and the door, wondering if this was the place to learn something ridiculous about me. Usually that was done on dates out, at coffee, or even sitting on a couch where you could sit back and laugh over the silliness.

Not inches from a guy you really just wanted to kiss and drag back inside.

"Um, I'm just afraid of being alone sometimes," I murmured and it was my turn to look away. "Someone broke into our house when I was little and I've been scared ever since."

Edward's hand slowly trailed up my arm, feather light and tentative until his fingertips brushed across my cheek. It was a simple touch, but it made me shiver none the less.

"I don't want you to be afraid," he whispered and leaned in towards me.

He paused just inches from my face, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

I waited for him to kiss me, watching his lips tremble slightly.

He was stalling. I wondered why.

My mind wondered. But my body didn't. Having been keyed up since the phone call the previous night, my body knew exactly what it wanted, even if it was presumptuous. Stretching upwards, my lips brushed against the corner of his mouth, ever so lightly. I didn't want to make it seem I was hungry for a kiss.

But really I was.

I felt his breath stutter against my cheek, and his lips adjust against mine as if to search for them in the dark. He hesitated, his breathing increasing before I felt his hand pulling me closer, mouth more insistent. My own arms moved to hold him to me, delighting in the warm feeling that rushed through me when our bodies met.

Mouth to mouth, searching and sighing, Edward's body pressing close to mine as the door pushed against my back, it seemed we could have stayed like that forever.

But Edward slowly drew away, his eyes heavy and his face flushed as he looked down at me and chuckled darkly.

"I was trying to behave today," he whispered, his long fingers stroking down my neck and sending new shivers through me.

"Is that what you were doing in the car?" I asked, smirking.

His eyes widened and he looked back towards the car.

"You… you could see me?" he asked, nervous.

I shrugged and moved past him towards his car. I didn't want him to think I thought he was weird because he talked to himself.

I did it all the time.

"You just looked like you were fighting with yourself," I replied, trying to make light of it.

But it seemed strange that he'd be fighting over whether to kiss me or not. He was quiet as he opened my door and let me into his car. I watched him as he placed FC in the back seat, smirking when he buckled it in with a shake of his head. When he slid into the driver's side, he paused before starting the car. The same sort of look he had had before he got out of the car flitted across his face again as he sat there.

He finally glanced at me and cleared his throat.

"I don't want you to think that my hesitation has anything to do with you," he started, frowning over his words.

"Okay," I replied quietly.

"It's just," he said, letting out a forceful breath, "There are things about me that I need to control when I am with you. And I don't want to scare you because of them. I really like you. A lot."

I fought to hide my smile.

"Okay," I said again, earning a strange look from him.

"You say that now," he murmured, staring at me with questioning eyes.

"I know I don't really know you, Edward," I stated. "But I'd like to. And maybe what you think is scary is not the case at all."

His frown deepened for a second before a gentle smile appeared on his lips. He started the car and let out a soft chuckle.

"I'd really like that," he replied before pulling out towards school.

We were quiet for the few minutes it took to get to school, smiling in our own thoughts until we pulled into the parking lot. I could immediately feel eyes on us as he helped me out of the car.

As if yesterday wasn't bad enough, it seemed everyone wanted to know why I was with Edward Cullen.

"Wow," I whispered, hunkering down into my coat as we started walking towards the lockers.

"It'll die down before tomorrow," he said lightly, his arm moving stealthily to drape over my shoulders. He leaned in close, his mouth close to my ear. "That is unless we do something to get more attention."

I held my breath at his tempting words.

I wondered if perhaps making out at the locker was out of the question.

Edward waited with me by my locker as I pulled out the books I needed, his eyes tracking Mike Newton as he passed. Mike glanced at Edward for only a second before hurrying off to class. It seemed I'd have to wait for any sort of apology from Mike, not that I wanted one really.

"I'll see you at lunch?" Edward asked just outside my first period classroom.

I nodded and stood there awkwardly, waiting to see if he'd kiss me again or simply walk away. He leaned in and kissed me lightly before letting out a soft laugh and stepped away. I watched him walk away, his hands tucked in deep to his pockets. He disappeared around the corner and I wondered what classes he had. I never saw him before lunch.

More things to talk about I guessed.

But that would have to wait until lunch.

I had to somehow make it through five more classes and not think of Edward.

That turned out to be much harder than I thought, once I realized that Jessica and Lauren were in my third period class, along with Angela who seemed to be bouncing when she saw me step into class.

"Oh my god, Bella!" she squeaked as soon as I sat beside her. "I'm home sick for one day and you're now dating Edward Cullen? You have to fill me in!"

I could feel Jessica and Lauren watching me as they sat just behind us. I got some satisfaction that they would have to hear that their little plan to get me to give up on him had failed. I was never the kind of person to throw things in their own faces, but this would feel good.

"Well, it's sort of new and all," I said in a loud whisper. "And after my dad met him yesterday, things seem to be going really well."

"Oh my god, did your dad give him the third degree?" Angela asked.

I laughed and shook my head.

"No, he was really cool. He likes Edward a lot," I said simply.

"So?" she pressed. "What else? You have to tell me everything! Is he a good kisser? Has he kissed you yet?"

I simply smiled and didn't answer her.

Not answering left all three of them wondering, and speculating.

After all, they had made everyone else speculate. And I wasn't about to sit back and gossip about a guy who was maybe, possibly my boyfriend.

I still needed to clarify that.

But for the time being, I'd let Jessica and Lauren stew in their angry juices and I'd sit and smile, happy in knowing that in a couple of periods, I'd be seeing him for real.

And maybe I could sneak another kiss from him.

He wanted to behave.

But I really wanted to be bad.

I was full of that nervous energy again when the lunch bell rang.

So when I saw him walking towards me from the other side of school, eyes intent on me, I wondered if he really did want to behave. Because his eyes said differently.

And his body more so.

"Here comes your man," Angela giggled beside me before waving goodbye, leaving me to watch as he seemed to prowl towards me.

He licked his lips and glanced around us before stepping close, eyeing me with dark eyes.

"Hungry?" he whispered, with that rough voice that made my stomach flutter.

"You have no idea," I murmured, not really meaning to say it out loud.

But he heard me and the most wicked smile spread on his face.

"I think I have an idea," he replied, wrapping his arm around me and pulling my away from the cafeteria.

I looked back for a second until he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Trust me?"

I could only nod.

The tingling sensation coursing through my body refused to let me doubt him.

I couldn't wait to see where we were going.

I hoped somewhere alone.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Oh Edward, trying to talk himself down in the car. As if he could resist her. He just can't… wonder what he has planned. Maybe more study time in the library… **

**I wanted to get through the entire day with this chapter. Why do I think these things? Snort… at least we'll get to see it in Edward's POV… tomorrow. **

**Thanks all who are reading and pimping! Love you all! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	27. Chapter 27

**Happy Friday! This is long, so I'll be short! Enjoy! **

**Sex on Fire- Kings of Leon (they've been in my head all week)**

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><p><em><strong>~~oo~~<strong>_

**Chapter 27: Not innocent _at all._**

**EPOV**

I was trying to behave.

I truly was.

But she constantly challenged my will power with every thing she said and did.

I sat in forth period, antsy for lunch, wishing I had the strength to simply stay out of the bathroom and concentrate instead on my class work. But since leaving Bella at her first class, and seeing her from a distance go about her daily routine, I felt myself grow weaker at every thought of her.

Mike Newton of course helped to distract me.

Before Bella, I had no idea that he was in so many classes with me.

What can I say, I wasn't that observant when it came to people like Newton.

After Bella, it was entertaining to see Newton try and avoid me. In second period, Mike walked in and saw me, our eyes connecting. He looked away quickly before sitting down in his seat across the aisle from me. I'm sure he never watched me before as much as he did now.

And of course I toyed with him.

"Newton," I said and nodded to him.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded back.

"I hear Chief Swan and you had a talk yesterday," I said casually, fighting a grin.

"I saw your car there, Cullen," he hissed. "Don't think I don't know how you sweet talked her into believing you're such a nice guy."

I chuckled and shook my head.

I knew I wasn't a nice guy.

"I guess it's up to her who she wants to spend time with, Newton," I said, grinning.

"Yeah, well if I had gotten there first," he started, but closed his mouth when I leaned in glaring at him.

"Well you didn't, regardless of what you had planned," I replied, feeling my heart start to pound.

What would have happened if he had?

Would Bella have picked him instead of me?

I couldn't ever let that happen.

She needed to know exactly how I felt.

"She'll figure you out, Cullen," he shot back. "It's just too bad she can't see what she was warned about."

I leaned towards him, eyes blazing.

"What you and your stupid girlfriends did to her yesterday was inexcusable," I breathed. "I won't let you hurt her again. None of you. Whatever you do, I'd stay far away from her. And me."

His eyes took me in, trying to gauge just how serious I was. When I didn't back down from his pitiful stare, he sat back and turned away. I sat through class, happy with his tense posture, but suddenly worried that perhaps Bella would lose interest in me.

Or worse, be frightened of who I was.

With their lies and my issues, she could find it too much work.

She needed to see me for the good person that I was, not the bad.

Well, maybe the bad. Later. Once she understood I couldn't help it.

No, she didn't need to know. I was going to get better.

I'd be respectful.

Even if I did want to stay permanently attached to her in some way.

So as I sat in fifth period, eyeing the clock to will it to go faster so that I could be with Bella again, I thought about how much I wanted to just be alone with her. I didn't want to have to compete with Mike and his cronies.

I wanted to dazzle her.

Impress her.

And protect her from the things I could protect her from.

Including my darker side.

When the bell rang, I was the first out of the classroom, my mind set on finding Bella and finding a place to sit and talk with her, alone. To learn more about her. To just be with her, without distraction.

Was it tempting to do more?

Absolutely.

When I saw her across the courtyard watching me as I walked her way, I could imagine every sort of thing we could do where I wanted to take her.

Kiss her. Feel her, make her plead. Taste her, make her gasp out my name.

_Behave._

_Fuck it._

_Respect._

_Look at her eyes, she is telling you_.

Dazzled.

_Fuck._

"Trust me?" I asked, my heart hammering at the fell of her hand around my waist.

She nodded and I felt a moment's glee at having swayed her so easily.

Respect her.

I could respect every inch of her.

_Behave._

"Where are we going?" she asked as we crossed the football field.

"Someplace quiet," I replied, my nose burying itself into her hair to inhale her.

Clean. Pure.

Innocent.

Respect.

I swallowed and quickened our pace, past the bleachers and towards the path that led into the trees. I felt her slow beside me just slightly, her body tensing as she watched the trees loom over us.

"Where exactly?" she asked, and I could feel she was nervous.

Her fear instantly made me remorseful.

What the fuck was I doing?

All that talk to convince myself to treat her right. What the hell?

I loosened my grip on her and felt her slip from my arm just enough so that she could look up into my eyes. She looked cautious, but not fearful.

How could she ever be safe around me?

Sweet. Pure. Innocent. She was nothing like me.

"We can go back," I started, turning back towards the school.

_"No."_

I stopped in my tracks, turning my head to see her standing there, hands on her hips.

"Edward," she said, her voice purposeful. "I'm not scared of you. I just want to know why we're eating lunch in the woods where it's cold and probably wet."

I swallowed and looked back towards the trail.

I had to behave.

Should go back.

Too tempting there.

She surprised me when she took my hand and pulled me back towards the trail, smiling such an innocent smile I thought I'd burst into flames from the need to corrupt her. I wanted too so much.

"Show me," she whispered.

I hesitated for a moment before holding her hand a little more securely, turning back to the forest. It wasn't far from the football field, I had found it in the first week I had come to school, hiding from Emmett as he complained about leaving his old team behind and bemoaning the time he had to wait to try out for the Forks team.

Nestled in the forest, where the old growth died away and new growth had not yet surfaced, was a small clearing. A large fallen tree lay on one side of the clearing, moss growing over it to create a nice place to sit and catch a small glimmer of sunlight peeking through the tall branches above.

When we stepped into the clearing, Bella gasped and turned to grin up at me.

"How did you know this was here?" she asked, wide eyed.

"I used to come here every lunch period to get away," I mumbled and pulled her towards the tree, sitting carefully on it.

Just as I had remembered, it was warm from the morning sun, and soft.

She settled in next to me and looked around contentedly.

"This is perfect," she said, closing her eyes and tipping her head up to the tiny sunbeam that fell on us.

She had no idea how perfect.

I could see the beauty of her long neck as she sat there.

I could almost taste her smiling lips.

Deep breaths made her breasts rise and fall slowly.

The way she sat, crosslegged, her thighs open for me to explore.

I desperately needed looser jeans.

Behave.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, and my eyes shot up from where her thighs joined to her mirthful eyes as they regarded me.

"You."

"What about me?" she pressed, a bashful smile on her face.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, deflecting her question.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice barely audible. Her eyes, dark and asking for me to misbehave.

She was going to kill me.

One second she was so innocent, the next she seemed to ooze sex with that soft voice and dark eyes.

Don't touch.

Lunch. Conversation. _Aching._

And no bathroom nearby to retreat to.

"Do you want my cookie?"

I blinked, focusing on Bella again as she sat there, holding out a cookie for me.

_Killing me._

I took it from her and she smiled brightly, back to that innocent girl I was destined to sully.

Fuck, I wanted to dirty her up right there on this tree.

Esme would kill me.

"So, you're from Phoenix," I said, groaning on the inside at how stupid that sounded.

Her chewing slowed and she tipped her head to the side a little.

"And you're from Alaska," she countered.

"Why did you come to Forks?"

"My mom got married and wanted to tour with her husband," she replied simply. "Why did you move to Forks?"

I swallowed down the cookie.

"Carlisle changed jobs."

"Carlisle?" she asked, confused.

Fuck. I wasn't really ready for this.

"Um, yeah," I replied quietly. "I'm…. Carlisle isn't my real father."

She was still beside me, watching me with that thoughtful gaze.

"And Esme isn't your real mother."

She said it so easily, as if it were nothing but a conversation about the weather.

"How did you?" I asked, her smile silencing me.

She shrugged and handed me another cookie.

"I guessed," she replied and laughed when I frowned at her.

"You guessed?" I asked, incredulous. Most people assumed I was Esme's son for sure, given the similar hair and green eyes. And she didn't seemed at all fazed by it.

"I'm a good read of people, Edward," she said and scooted a little closer to me, her knees rubbing against my thigh lightly, making my cock ache more than it already did.

"And what do you read from me?" I whispered, hardly able to breathe.

Did she know?

Could she tell?

She blushed and looked down, her eyes trailing over me slowly.

"That you're not as bad as you think you are."

"I don't know about that," I whispered, looking away.

I wasn't prepared for her sudden movement as she moved closer, one hand firm on my thigh, the other clutching at my hand that sat between us. Even more surprising was her lips as they trailed across my cheek and to my mouth, a soft hum escaping her lips when she found my lips far too easily.

I didn't put up much of a fight.

I had been an idiot for thinking I could behave.

I pulled her closer to me, her body practically perched over me as I leaned back into the tree. Her hands were in my hair, running along my jaw, pressing onto my chest, pushing me further into the moss.

It was supposed to be me pushing her down.

But her hands moved over my body while I held her to me. She adjusted against me, the warmth of her leg burning across my thigh.

Hands moving. Caressing. Dipping. Tracing. Down

Mouth exploring. Tongue tasting like chocolate and more.

Not innocent _at all_.

I was losing any will I had to hold out.

I couldn't resist her.

She wouldn't allow it.

She was taking charge.

_Taking control._

One hand snaked down my stomach, making me groan and gasp when it traveled further.

_Innocent. Not innocent. So not innocent!_

I shuddered and broke away from her kiss when I felt her hot palm over me, the tingling sensation of my hard on now a raging inferno that was about to explode. Gentle pressure against me, tentative but daring at the same time.

It was too much. She was so much more than I anticipated.

"Bella," I croaked, trying weakly to pull away. Because really, I didn't want her to stop.

It was just more than I had ever felt, without permission.

Without having earned it.

Was she rewarding me?

I held her hand over me, fighting with myself to push her into me, at the same time to push away.

She looked down at me with those dark eyes, a combination of lust and worry in them as she felt me put a little distance between us and carefully shifted her hand away from my raging cock finally. When she felt me push her away, her eyes seemed to clear, the heated flush to her face then blossoming to a full on blush.

_Fuck. _

_Shit. _

_Put her hand back. Don't let her be embarrassed. _

"I'm sorry," she mumbled and pulled away completely to sit as she had before.

I slowly sat up and let out a calming breath.

Not going to reciprocate. Not going to.

"It's me, Bella, not you," I said softly. "I'm not used to having someone touch me like that. I'm just trying to go slow."

Her brow furrowed and she glanced at me, confused.

"No one's touched you before?"

I swallowed and struggled to look up into her eyes, fighting the fear of having to admit my past.

"Not so much in that way," I murmured. "I'm not really used to having a girlfriend."

Her mouth twitched and she glanced up at me cautiously.

Did she not think of herself as my girlfriend?

"Um," I stammered. "I just want to do this right."

Her head tipped up to regard me thoughtfully, a half smile fighting at her lips.

"You're so weird," she whispered and let out a sigh. "Slow. All right. I wouldn't have thought that about you."

"Thought what?" I asked cautiously.

She jumped off the tree and brushed off her jeans, shaking her head. Grabbing her backpack she pulled it up over her shoulder and started towards the trail, looking back towards me with a peculiar look on her face.

"I thought I was the only virgin here," she said and headed down the trail, leaving me looking after her with my mouth wide open in shock.

Her comment left me stunned.

She thought _I_ was the innocent one?

I made my way down the trail to catch up to her before class, the two of us walking side by side, but not touching. I desperately wanted to drag her back into the woods and show her how depraved I really was. But I didn't.

I learned a lot from this foray.

Bella was not so innocent.

And I was in big trouble.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Oh boy, Edward. You have no idea with Bella.**

**Are you confused by Edward's comments about being touched? Good… we'll learn more very, very soon. **

**More tomorrow. I promise, Whit by Sunday!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	28. Chapter 28

**Happy Saturday my dears! **

**So a lot of you had questions on Edward's comment on being touched… hmm… I can say it will be cleared up some in tomorrow's chapter. **

**What Can I Do- the Black Belles**

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><p><em><strong>~~oo~~<strong>_

**Chapter 28: "Balls have a thing against me."**

**BPOV**

I struggled to pay attention in Biology, what with the heated body sitting close beside me. Edward had slipped his seat a little closer to me while we listened to a guest speaker talk about something or other.

I think it was a doctor from the hospital, talking about genetics.

I should have been listening and taking notes.

Instead I was remembering lunchtime and trying to work out what I had done wrong.

If I had done anything wrong.

What guy pulls back from getting groped?

I mean, I didn't know. It was the first time I had actually groped a guy.

Maybe I had rubbed too hard?

My palm still burned from the feeling of his jeans and just how firm he was under them.

And just how much there was to grope.

Did I do it wrong?

Didn't guys like that?

I had heard girls talk about how their boyfriends all but shoved their hands down guys pants, eager to get some action.

But not Edward.

Take it slow?

He was not used to being touched like that?

What the hell was wrong with me to make him put on the brakes?

What was wrong with _him_ that he didn't readily want it?

I sat there, arguing with myself, mortified at having been turned down in a way, while he sat there beside me, his thigh I had just been wrapped around pressing lightly against mine.

I was so confused.

He could grope me, but I couldn't touch him?

I had to have done it wrong. I knew they were sensitive. Maybe I had been too rough.

Damn it, and now he wanted to go slow.

I was eighteen and still a virgin! With Creepy Hot Guy as my boyfriend!

Slow!

My mind was a whirlwind and there was no room for school in it.

So when the bell rang out for the end of class I was amazed at how much time had passed so quickly. I felt Edward shift beside me to stand, so I threw my books back into my bag and stood with him. We still hadn't talked since leaving his little spot in the forest, and I could tell he was tense, his jaw clenched as he waited quietly for me to zip up my bag.

As soon as we were out of the classroom and walking towards the gym, I felt his hand pull at mine gently, wrapping his fingers around mine. I glanced up in time to see the melancholy look in his eyes. He offered me a tiny smile before letting out a long sigh and stopped just outside the gym doors.

"I'll meet you here after?" he asked quietly.

"Sure," I replied and stood there, trying to gather the courage to ask him if he was mad at me.

He nodded and slowly pulled his hand away, nodding to the doors.

"Don't want to be late. Coach Clapp makes you do laps if you're late," he said.

He watched me disappear into the gym before turning to head to his class.

I changed quickly, wanting out of the bathroom before I saw Emmett, and joined Angela on the gym floor. She was standing with Jessica and Lauren, who both tensed up when I showed up.

Catty bitches.

"So?" Angela asked excitedly. "How was lunch?"

I shrugged and remained quiet, not wanting to discuss it with the two other girls standing there.

"You are going to kill me, you realize?" Angela groaned and folded her arms in front of her, pouting.

"How are you and Ben doing?" I asked, hoping to distract her.

It did the trick and she was telling me about their date for Saturday.

Jessica and Lauren lost interest and stepped away, giving me the chance to speak with Angela privately finally. She wound down on her grand plans of dinner and a movie when we started doing stretches.

"Ang?" I asked, bending over to touch my toes.

"Bella?" she replied, smiling.

"What do you think about Edward?" I asked quietly.

She leaned over her leg to stretch and thought about it for a second.

"He seems okay. I mean, he sort of keeps to himself, but he's hot as hell and the way he doesn't talk to anyone makes him mysterious, you know," she said.

"He really hasn't dated anyone here?" I asked nervously.

The assumption that he was still a virgin was laughable in my head.

He oozed sex.

Virgins didn't do that. But that comment about touching really threw me.

"You're the first, Bella," she replied, her smile widening when she noticed my blush. "You have to tell me if he kisses as well as it looks like he could."

I rolled my eyes and fought to stop blushing, but it didn't help.

"I knew it," she breathed and then giggled. "You are so lucky. I bet he's good at _everything_."

I didn't answer her, because frankly I didn't know.

And I wasn't sure I ever would, based on his weird reaction to me.

I had come on too strong, something I never did, for good reason.

Usually it was because I would have wanted to take it one day at a time. But with the fondling in the library, and the incredible kisses, I was sure he'd be willing.

Instead, he wanted it slow.

What was he? From the last century or something?

He was so confusing.

I spent the remainder of gym class dodging volleyballs and wondering what slow meant for a guy. Maybe he just wanted to kiss me, maybe cop a feel on me before he let me do anything. Or maybe he was a one-two sort of guy. One or two tugs and that was all she wrote.

Well that would be tragic.

Because I wanted to make it last for a good long time.

But I'd get no where with him acting all weird.

I hoped we'd get to talk a little on the drive home. Maybe if Charlie wasn't there, he would come inside. Or we could go get a coffee or something.

I changed quickly and knuckled down my courage to ask him.

He was waiting for me when I stepped out, a soft smile on his face when I drew close.

"No laps?" he asked, taking my hand gently in his to steer me towards the parking lot.

"No, just volleyball, which is dangerous enough," I replied, glad to see him smiling again.

Maybe he was bipolar.

So was Renee. I knew how to deal with that.

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me.

"How is volleyball dangerous?"

"It is for me," I shot back, trying not to laugh. "Balls have a thing against me."

The words were out of my mouth before I realized the double meaning.

The smile on Edward's face wavered for a moment before returning, although not as sweet.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Now who's saying sorry too much?" he replied with a smirk. He opened the door to the car and let me in, closing it carefully before getting in himself.

Once again it was quiet in the car as he drove me home, my nerves peaking when we turned on my street.

_Please Charlie, don't be home yet._

But as we rounded the corner, we both noticed the police cruiser sitting in front of the house. I heard Edward let out a sigh as he slowed to a stop and put the car in park. I sat there motionless while the car idled quietly.

"What are you doing this weekend?" he asked softly, hands tight on the steering wheel.

"Not much, probably just hang around the house. Maybe look for a job," I said, watching his jaw relax slowly.

"Would you like to go out, maybe tomorrow?" he mumbled, still not looking at me.

"Sure," I said.

He turned his head, licking his lips nervously before glancing back at the house.

"Edward, can we just forget about today?" I asked.

His eyes found mine and he frowned at my lips as I licked them. He shook his head.

"I don't want to forget it, Bella," he whispered and closed his eyes. "And I don't want you to think badly over it."

I turned towards him and narrowed my eyes at him.

"How am I not supposed to feel bad, Edward? I kind of felt you up and you pushed away. It makes it sort of difficult not to feel weird," I said pointedly.

He leaned in and took my hand, pulling it close to his lips.

"Would it make you feel better if you knew I liked it? I can't stop thinking about it," he whispered, eyes dark and intent on my own. "But there's things you need to understand about me before we go further."

"What kind of things?" I asked, impatient.

He pulled away from me a little and leaned against his seat, that melancholy look on his face again.

"It'll take longer than sitting here in the car to tell you, and I doubt your dad will wait that long before he's coming out to check on you," he whispered.

I glanced over Edward's shoulder towards the house and sure enough, I saw the curtain move. Sometimes I wanted to throttle Charlie. I looked back into Edward's eyes and squeezed his hand.

"We're talking tomorrow," I said and moved to get out of the car. "Charlie usually goes fishing, so you can come over and we _will _talk."

He swallowed and nodded, pulling me back towards him. His lips brushed across mine, but only for a quick second before he pulled away again.

"I'll call you tomorrow morning then."

I smiled and got out of the car, hurrying to the door as the rain started to fall. Once on the porch, I turned back to wave at Edward before he pulled away, a brighter smile on his face. I stepped into the house, expecting Charlie at the door.

He didn't disappoint.

"Drove you to school, huh?" he said, looking out where Edward's car had disappeared.

"Yes, dad," I replied. "And he is a good driver, before you ask and do a traffic check on him. Hands at 10 and 2, under the speed limit. He even uses the turn signal."

Charlie snickered as he followed me to the kitchen.

"As long as the hands remain at 10 and 2," he shot back and stepped away from me, expecting me to swat at him.

"Just be nice, okay? Your little speech to Mike Newton made Edward a little weird I think," I replied, scowling when Charlie laughed again.

"Gotta keep the boys on their toes, Bells," he replied simply.

I rolled my eyes and tossed my bag onto the table, pausing when I realized I was feeling like I had forgotten something. It took me a second to realize what it was, my eyes going wide in terror when I remembered.

Poor FC was still in the back seat of Edward's car.

I fought the urge to text Edward for a few minutes. I didn't want to appear desperate. So when my phone rang, I felt a little better.

He was more desperate than I was. That was good, right?

"We completely forgot Junior in the back seat!" he exclaimed on the phone.

I chuckled and walked away from Charlie's curious glance, climbing the stairs to hide in my room for this phone call.

"We are the worst parents ever," I joked.

He was quiet for a moment, I heard his car door close and then he let out a sigh.

"It's my fault," he said. "I'm just having trouble concentrating around you."

I grinned at that. Maybe I wasn't so bad at this dating thing.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, Edward," I replied. "But you have to make up something for what FC did all day, like day care or whatever. And you get to carry him around all next week."

"Deal."

I heard his dad calling for him, Edward quickly saying goodbye, leaving me lying across my bed, thinking about him. He was so strange. Hot and cold, passionate and then wary. I hoped our talk would clear some things up.

Because this weirdness about touching him was going to drive me crazy. I held my hand up, tracing along the palm that had touched him there, and smiled at the tingling feeling that continued to linger on the skin.

I needed to know his reasons.

Maybe he had been scared by a bad experience.

I needed to know.

So I could figure out how to do it better.

I lay there in my room until it grew too dark to see my hand, before going downstairs to make dinner.

This was going to be a long night of waiting.

Maybe I needed to make more cookies.

"Yeah, what happened to all the cookies?" Charlie asked from the refrigerator.

"Um, I burnt some of them," I replied meekly. He looked over the door of the refrigerator at me and smirked.

"Distracted, huh?" he pressed.

He shut the door and shook his head.

"And after I told the guy down at the bakery that you'd be perfect for his part time job he posted this morning," he said lightly. "He'll never keep you if you burn the buns though."

I frowned at my dad.

"You talked to someone about a job for me?"

"They have great bear claws and if you work there, you can bring home some!" he replied, grinning.

I sighed and went back to making dinner.

"Fine, I'll look into it," I grumbled. I really did need a job to help pay for the gas for the truck.

Charlie leaned in and patted me on the shoulder.

"You'll love it. And I'll reap the benefits!"

He left me to finish dinner, my thoughts swirling from Edward to working in a bakery to jumbling up enough for me to imagine pouring cherry pie filling over Edward.

Perhaps this could work out after all.

There were some cherries that needed dealing with.

That is if this talk we were supposed to have made it clear as to his issues.

Was it Saturday yet?

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: So, yeah. Bella's a little confused too about the no touching thing. **

**Tomorrow. We'll learn a lot more to put your minds at rest.**

**Tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hope this helps in understanding Edward's issues. **

**Who's ready to meet Whit?**

**Love to you all! Love to Bleriana for writing a kick ass blog post on this story! I hope you finally got some sleep my dear! and to PullmydaisyToo for pimping hard this week! MWAH!**

**I should warn: This chapter is all about therapy and sexual situations that might make some people uncomfortable (no rape, or sexual abuse- just Tanya being the skank she is) I think most of you have figured out that Tanya took advantage of Edward in some way. And yes, Edward was only 17. Don't call the cops on me, it's just fiction (and sad to say more common in real life than we parents want to know about).**

**Doctor's Orders- Beres Hammond**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 29: Slow could be just as satisfying.**

**EPOV**

I really didn't want to do this.

As much as Esme hoped this would help, now that I was sitting in the small waiting room, about to talk about my perversion, I was having second thoughts.

I was doing better.

I still thought about Bella constantly, in every position I had ever seen in a porno, but I was down to a solid eight times a day.

That had to be normal for a guy my age, right?

So I didn't really need to be here.

I leaned over, arms propped heavily on my knees, trying to calm down. I knew I was deluding myself. Yesterday was proof enough that I needed help. After dropping Bella off, I had hidden in my room and couldn't stop repeating our lunch together, playing out different scenarios with her instead of my awkward rejection.

I was late to dinner.

I would have to change my own sheets.

I would be raw for a week.

I was sick. I needed help.

The one saving grace was that Carlisle didn't come with me to this meeting.

Sometimes it was nice that he worked as much as he did.

"Mr. Cullen?"

My eyes shot up to the nurse at the door. She smiled and motioned me inside. I was sure that she knew exactly why I was here.

"The doctor will be here in just a moment," the nurse explained when we stepped into a well furnished office. "You can have a seat on the sofa if you like."

I quietly thanked her and took a deep breath when she closed the door.

The sofa looked too comfortable.

I felt like I needed a hard steel chair to sit in.

Hands in my pockets, I drifted to the wall of pictures and various degrees on the wall next to the desk. There were several pictures of a man and a woman, posing in front of landmarks telling me that they travelled a lot. The man was tall, with wavy blond hair and a cocky smile in a number of them. The girl in the picture with him was tiny compared to him, with jet-black hair and bright eyes. In most of the pictures, the man was eyeing her, almost possessively. She held him close, and her smile was full what can only be described as energy and excitement.

It seemed the good doctor liked his women small and energetic.

He didn't look like the typical doctor though. He seemed pretty down to earth, often in jeans and a button up shirt, while she was dressed impeccably.

"We like to travel."

I spun around at the sound of a woman's voice.

There in the doorway was the small, dark haired woman from the pictures.

My stomach lurched.

"You're… you're the doctor?" I stammered.

I couldn't do this!

Not with… _her_!

She smiled easily and closed the door behind her, nodding as she slowly made her way towards me. In her hand was the thick file I knew all too well.

The embarrassment was complete.

"I'm Dr. Alice Brandon-Whitlock, Edward," she said simply holding her hand out to me. "But you can call me Alice, or Whit."

I swallowed and took a step back, avoiding her hand.

"I can't," I gulped.

She nodded and turned toward her desk, tossing the file onto her desk.

"I can understand, Edward. I told Carlisle it would be difficult for you to see me. He seemed to agree. I'm afraid that's why it took so long to get you in here to begin with," she explained, standing by her chair.

I glanced at the door, thinking about just leaving. I couldn't talk to a woman about my issues.

Not Esme.

Not this lady.

Bella.

I sighed and looked back at the woman. I'd have to talk to Bella about it.

If I couldn't talk to a stranger about it all, how could I tell Bella?

She'd freak out enough as it was. Knowing what I was.

"Why don't we sit and just get to know one another, Edward," she said, pulling me out of my frantic thoughts.

She slipped into her seat behind the desk and motioned towards the chair set in front of the desk, smiling politely. She waited patiently while I deliberated. When she didn't press me further, I slowly shuffled towards the chair, sitting awkwardly in the overstuffed chair.

She placed a hand over the file she had walked in with and watched me as I tensed at the thought of her reading it.

She surprised me when she tossed it in the shredder.

Well, to be clear, she had to do it in three or four passes.

It was pretty thick.

When the motor stopped its chewing, she looked back at me and smiled.

"I want you to be comfortable while you are here, Edward. We don't need to bring _that_ into this room. You and I get a fresh start," she said, her eyes penetrating mine in such a way I was sure she could read my soul, all my past transgressions, and what I was capable of.

I tried to pull my gaze from hers, but it was difficult with how strong she seemed, sitting there behind her desk.

I wanted to dislike her like I did Carlisle. But she was nothing like him.

She hadn't judged me. Yet.

She had compassionate eyes.

"Did you read it?" I asked, eyeing the destroyed file.

"Carlisle insisted I take it, but I can assure you, aside from what Carlisle has mentioned briefly over the phone this last week when making the appointment, I know nothing about you," she replied. "I don't want someone else's ham-handed diagnosis fogging up mine."

My slate was clean with her. She had erased my humiliation I had had to endure during Carlisle's sessions. I felt a small bit of hope that this doctor might actually listen to me, and help me.

"So how do we do this?" I asked quietly, my hands fidgeting in my lap.

"How about some simple questions first, so I can get to know you?" she suggested and pulled out a fresh notebook to write in.

I frowned and looked down at my knees, nodding stiffly.

"So you're a Senior at Forks?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I moved here just a few months ago as well. This town takes a little getting used to, but the people are nice," she commented casually.

"Are you close with Carlisle?" I asked, uncomfortable with her knowing him and possibly sharing anything she learned with him.

"He and I work here in the hospital, but I don't know him closely," she replied and leaned forward. "Edward, I want to be sure you understand, anything that you share with me here will never leave this room. Just because he is your father, he has no say in how I treat you. You're safe here."

"How did you pick this career?" I asked, glancing at her. She seemed too sophisticated to be living in Forks. She dressed well, in a business suit that disguised her figure, but she still managed to be pretty.

And strangely, I wasn't turned on by her. Not even a bit.

That was new.

She smiled and looked over to the pictures again, her eyes unfocusing for a moment as if she were daydreaming.

"My husband and I needed to simplify our lives. Get some distance from the things that can only hurt you. Sometimes the world can be too distracting, you know?"

It was true, Forks had been pretty boring, at least until a couple weeks ago.

"Aren't you going to ask me about my addiction?" I asked cautiously.

She placed her chin in her hand and shrugged.

"Do you want to talk about that now?"

The sooner we dealt with it, the sooner I could be with Bella. I nodded again and shifted in my seat, preparing for the inevitable questions.

How many times a day, how do I handle thoughts, what are my tastes….

"So tell me about your childhood," she said instead. "Carlisle informed me you are adopted."

"What does my being adopted have to do with wanting sex all the time?" I asked, confused.

She settled back into her chair.

"Most compulsions we have as adults come from something in our childhood," she explained. "It could be that something in your past has shaped your views now. And if we can identify that, we can deal with whatever concerns you have."

I immediately thought about Tanya.

She had said something like that as well. That because I didn't have a real mother, I had to find something to fill in the place of one. That of course had turned into the relationship she and I had. She had been the one in charge.

"My mom died when I was four, my dad before I can remember," I mumbled.

"Did you have a stable foster home to stay in afterwards?"

I shook my head.

"I was in and out of foster care for a while before Carlisle and Esme adopted me."

She nodded and continued to listen.

"It wasn't like I was a bad kid," I continued. "I was just…sensitive."

"Can you explain that?" she asked gently.

I frowned and looked down at my lap again.

"I needed to always have some kind of contact. My mom had kept me close when she was alive. And her hugs made me feel safe. I guess I had a lot of nightmares as a kid. Most foster parents didn't have the time to look after me as much as I wanted, so I would get upset. Tear things up, cry a lot."

"Tactile affection is necessary as a child, Edward. Especially when traumatic events happen to one so young. So how did your adoptive parents help with that?" she asked.

"Esme was like my mom," I replied softly and smiled at the memory of my first meeting with her. She couldn't stop hugging me.

She made me feel safe again.

"So what happened once you were adopted?"

"I don't understand," I said.

She leaned forward again and thought for a moment before speaking.

"Did you get the affection you needed once you were adopted?"

I hadn't thought much about it. I assumed I had. Certainly from Esme.

But now that she had asked, I realized that once we had moved to Alaska when I was thirteen, Esme had started working again, and Carlisle was never home. Emmett had been adopted shortly after me, which lessened my time with my parents on my own. With work we were often left with sitters.

And they were too young to understand why I needed affection.

"I'm not blaming Esme," I said after I had explained my thoughts.

"It's no one's fault, Edward," she said soothingly.

"Tanya tried to blame her," I said, my breath coming a little harder as I remembered conversations with Tanya. "Tanya knew what I needed."

"When did you first start your relationship with Tanya?"

"It was last year, before Christmas. My girlfriend at school had broken up with me, so I was upset. And Tanya was there for me," I breathed, crystal clear memories flooded back to me.

Esme had been working late. Carlisle wasn't home. Emmett was at practice. I was alone.

And Tanya had come over to ask about borrowing something. I don't even remember what it had been. She had come over, and I had been upset. She knew what I needed.

"I just needed a hug, you know?" I said. "And she gave me that. I'm the one that tried to take it further."

She was beautiful, and she was more mature than the girls at school. She understood love. And she was willing to teach me. I had never been good at explaining myself to girls my age. Tanya understood.

"Tanya offered you something no one else could."

I nodded, embarrassed. She had been the first woman to view me as a man, and the first to touch me like that.

"When did the need for touching turn sexual?"

I blushed and fidgeted in my chair.

"Before that," I said and glanced up at her. "I fantasized a lot. All the time. In school, at home, everywhere really. I liked touching myself when I couldn't get affection from others."

"When did that start?"

I swallowed and winced. "I started that before I was adopted."

She nodded.

"That's very common, Edward. Especially for someone needing physical affection. When did it go further than fantasizing?"

I thought about the first time Tanya had ever approached me.

It was a month after our first encounter, at a party for Carlisle celebrating his promotion. She had approached me just outside the house, in the cover of night. A kiss, and then my fumbling hands on her. She had told me that night she would show me how to do it right.

The months that followed opened my eyes to things I never had thought of before.

"Are you comfortable discussing those things today?"

I let out a long breath and nodded. This doctor had a way of getting information out of me that wasn't nearly as embarrassing as it had been with Carlisle.

"She liked things a certain way. Very controlled," I murmured, embarrassed. "There were rules that I had to follow. And punishments."

Dr. Whitlock sat a little straighter in her chair.

"She controlled you? So you were her Sub?"

"What's that?" I asked.

She adjusted in her seat and smiled gently at me.

"A Sub is a submissive to a dominant. The Dom is the one who makes the rules, dictates what you are allowed to do, and often insists a Sub's pleasure be controlled by the Dom. The Submissive must do anything the Dom asks to please them."

"Um, then I guess so," I said, relaxing some with her easy explanation.

She seemed much more knowledgeable than Carlisle. I had no idea there was a name for what I was.

"How long were you her Sub?"

"Until Carlisle found out, about three months," I replied, closing my eyes to try and wish away that memory.

"Did she treat you well?"

"Um, I really missed being touched. She wouldn't let me touch myself and she wouldn't touch me unless I pleased her first. My release was my reward. And most of the time was spent for her, and then I had to go home," I explained, frowning at how much she enjoyed it and I was left wanting.

I hadn't thought like that until now, when this doctor made it more clear.

"And then Carlisle found out," she prompted.

"He walked in on us," I murmured.

The one time she had allowed me to take over, tying her up and hoping against hope that this time, I could fuck her. She had never let me before. Telling me I needed to earn it and that I was still too inexperienced. That I needed to make her beg for it.

I had finally gotten her to that point.

The condom on, my nerves tingling at the idea of my first time and I was moving over her tethered body when the door had opened.

And life had changed forever.

"Carlisle had a right to be upset, but not at you, Edward. She shouldn't have introduced you to this area of sex in your emotional state. Dominants are supposed to care for their Submissives. Not exploit them."

"How do you know all these things?" I asked, curious about her knowledge of this. Carlisle had not understood. And she seemed so blasé about it.

Like it was normal conversation.

She chuckled and shook her head.

"I have to know these things in order to diagnose you," she replied, smiling.

She was so much different than Carlisle.

"So it wasn't perverted then? What we did?" I asked nervously.

She raised her perfect eyebrows and let out a loud breath.

"It's not abnormal in a healthy sexual relationship, but you have some issues that she should have taken into consideration. And you were too young. How many sexual relationships did you have before her?"

"Um," I mumbled. "She would have been my first. I didn't date much. Girls my age made me nervous. They don't understand me."

She was quiet for a long minute.

"So all of your sexual relief has been on your own?" she asked gently. I was too embarrassed to say anything so I just nodded.

"Did Tanya ever for you?"

"Sometimes," I replied, frowning. "The first time I was with her, but then she laid out her rules after that. She preferred to watch me get off or just simply send me home for me to do it there."

"And now that you are away from her, do you find fantasies more pronounced to satisfy you?"

I adjusted again in my chair. We were finally getting to the worst of the discussion.

"I used to think about Tanya, but I don't anymore," I replied, uncomfortable.

"Do you see other people in your fantasies? It appears that you don't tend to generalize women as sexual objects. You haven't dated since you've been here?"

I shook my head and cleared my throat. I only thought of one woman now.

"But you think about sex to the point of distraction?"

I nodded.

"And that bothers you enough to have the courage to come here."

I sighed and nodded, waiting for the grim prognosis.

"You want to quit but you are still pleasing yourself more than a few times a day," she stated simply.

I sighed and waited for the accusing glance, the lecture.

Neither came.

"Edward, I want you to understand that while I have concerns about your frequency in masturbation, I am less inclined to think you need something as drastic as medication or intensive therapy as Carlisle first suggested," she said, watching me with a concerned face.

I blinked at her words.

"So, I'm normal then?" I asked, hope blossoming.

She closed her notebook that she had all but ignored while we spoke. She tapped on it a couple of timed before speaking.

"Edward, you're an eighteen year old young man that has done a few things that many grown men have never even dreamed of. And that has given you a fairly substantial appetite, if you will. But you also spend too much time thinking about sex, even at your age. With your need for physical touch to soothe your stress, you've supplemented that with self-touch and sexual fantasy. Without a partner to share in any affectionate experiences, that causes more stress on your psyche. Which then precipitates your need to touch yourself. It's a vicious cycle."

"So if there was someone," I said, pausing with fear that she'd say I couldn't get involved in anyone.

"Quite frankly, I'm more concerned you _don't_ have a girlfriend than I am about the frequency of your activities," she replied. "I have a feeling things would be more manageable if you were in a loving, stable, monogamous relationship."

Her answer surprised me. Did that mean that she thought I could have a relationship with Bella?

"There is this girl," I started, feeling my lips turn up into a smile at the idea that I could maybe be more for Bella.

She smiled again, tapping on the notebook again.

"Well good! Why don't you ask her out and then we can talk about it on Saturday? I still think it would do you some good to come back and talk with me some more, and work out some of your history so that you can look forward to this part of your life instead of being embarrassed about it."

"You think I can manage this, by just meeting with you once a week?" I asked.

She laughed and nodded.

"I think you just need some unbiased guidance and maybe some goals you need to set, Edward, " she said, smiling. "I can help you with that if you'll allow me."

"So, having a girlfriend is okay?" I asked again, wanting to be sure.

Why had Carlisle denied that to me if it would help me?

"I think it's safe, Edward. I'd perhaps try to keep it to first base on the first date though, all right?"

I slowly stood with her, my smile getting away with me.

"I'll try."

She came around the desk and shook my hand, looking up at me with that pleasant smile.

"That's all you can do, Edward. And know that maybe this girl can perhaps offer you the affection you need, regardless of how far you go," she said. "A hug is sometimes more satisfying than sex. Try for hugs first, all right?"

I couldn't necessarily agree with her logic on hugs versus sex.

One made me feel safe.

The other?

I had no idea, but I had a feeling it would be amazing shared with Bella.

Maybe it wasn't as far away as I thought it would be.

I couldn't wait to see her.

And touch her without guilt this time.

I left the office feeling better than I had in a long time.

And smiling as I drove towards Bella's house.

Now the only hurdle was in trying to tell her why I felt we needed to slow down, when suddenly now all I wanted to do was speed up.

I'd try to be slow.

I grinned as I pulled up to her house.

Slow could be just as satisfying.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**hehehehe. Not the Whit you thought... Don't worry, we'll meet Jasper... He has a purpose to this story, just as Alice does. **

**I know I know… You want the talk between Edward and Bella! But this is long enough for today. We'll just have to see Edward's version of slow from Bella's POV…maybe…who knows what mischief Bella will get into before he gets to her house. **

_**Longer PSA: This entire chapter is an under-researched, uneducated approach to a therapy session for a compulsion that affects more people than we realize (did you know that by reading smut, we are considered sex addicts? Don't freak out, just enjoy it for the perviness that it is)**_

_**I'm saying this because I'd really rather not have people self diagnose, or send me long diatribe reviews on how this should have been diagnosed or that it was done all wrong- surely a Sex therapist wouldn't encourage Edward to find a girl! In this story it is. Don't diagnose by my words. That's all I'm saying. It's fan fic… not the American Psychology Journal… **_

**Until tomorrow. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello again my dears! **

**Bella time! **

**Um, no warnings here, except maybe grab a cookie and enjoy!**

**Fix You- Coldplay**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 30: Damn everyone else. **

**BPOV**

I watched as people came in and out of the bakery. Saturdays looked like busy days. But then again, I wasn't around for any other day of the week, so I could only assume. Based on the smell of baked goods that filtered out every time someone opened the door, I could understand the business.

My stomach rumbled from the smell and I had already eaten breakfast.

When it finally looked like the stream of customers had lessened, I said a silent prayer that I wouldn't mess this up and stepped inside. Immediately I was overwhelmed by the smell of bread and baked goods.

It was like heaven.

The bell above the door rang out, and the man behind the counter looked up from the display case.

Tall and blond and so not the kind of person you think of when you think baker.

A little rough around the edges, wavy blond hair and in jeans and a western snap shirt.

With a white apron that told me he worked here and hadn't robbed the place and taken over.

What had I expected?

One of those tall white hats and maybe a twirly moustache?

I needed to stay away from Disney stereotypes.

"Good morning! What can I get for you darlin'?"

I shuffled a little closer to the display case, eyeing the delectable goodies there and tried to gather up the courage to ask for the application.

"Um, my name is Bella Swan," I started, only to jump when he let out a loud bark of a laugh.

"You're the Chief's daughter! He was telling me about you just yesterday!" the man exclaimed and extended his hand towards me.

It was stained red and blue.

"Oh. Sorry," he said and wiped at it a little harder. "Had to make dye for the little league cupcakes this morning. I'm Jasper. I own the place."

I took his hand and let him shake it vigorously before he let it go.

"So your dad said you were looking for weekend work?" he continued, grinning broadly and watching me with a deep gaze that left me wondering if he could see in my head.

"Um, yeah," I stammered, clearing my throat. "You know, something to make a little extra money. I like to bake, so he thought this would be interesting."

"You like to bake?" he asked, his voice getting more animated. It was hard not to feel his excitement when he seemed to like what he did so much.

I nodded.

"Well, let's give you a tour and I'll ask all the obligatory questions," he said and then leaned over the counter towards me. "Although I'll probably hire you anyway."

I stepped through the break in the counter and he pointed to several things as we passed towards the back of the store. Ovens and prep tables that were so much more than I had ever worked with. And big mixers and shelves upon shelves of dry ingredients.

It was like baker's Mecca.

"What's the favorite thing you like to make?" he asked as we toured the kitchen.

"I really like to make cookies. But I like to make pie and cakes too," I said, a little overwhelmed by the immensity of the room.

"I need someone to make pies!" he said excitedly. "I never get the crust right."

We walked back out to the front counter where he pulled out a few treats and motioned me to the small café tables. I sat down while he made us something to drink.

"Coffee?"

I shook my head.

"Water, if it's okay," I replied. I had already had my limit for the day. And I was nervous enough.

"So," Jasper said, sliding into the seat across from me. "Why do you love to bake?"

I toyed with my glass and put my thoughts together.

"Baking is something that makes me feel better. It calms me. It's like a sort of therapy sometimes," I said, shrugging. "And you get a nice treat for your labor."

His smile widened.

"I do it for the same reason," he replied, his voice much softer than before. "A labor of love. Nothing bad can come from a little sugar and spice."

I blushed and dropped my eyes, my thoughts suddenly in the gutter.

"Um, except maybe wider hips," I replied, recovering.

"Ah, well," he said, laughing. "Baked goods are like everything in the world. Everything in moderation. Too much of anything will be bad for you."

I smiled and took the cupcake he offered me. I liked his easy conversation, and he didn't seem brash or hard to talk to. I appreciated that.

"So, you want to work Saturdays?" he asked.

"What would I be doing?" I asked. "I've never baked in such a large kitchen, and I've never used a cash register before."

He waved off the questions with his empty wrapper.

"We'll start you off easy. The equipment is super simple. Just like your stuff at home, only bigger. Can you start next Saturday?" he asked, all smiles.

I nodded, excited to start something new and exciting. This was so much better than the idea of selling hiking boots at Newton's. Especially since there was no Mike to harass me. Jasper gave me all the paperwork I needed and then shoved a box full of treats to me, instructing me to eat them for research.

I somehow had the idea that Charlie would be ecstatic to have so many sweets around.

I was in a great mood as I pulled into the driveway.

It was like today was meant to be perfect.

Climbing out of the truck, I was reaching in for the box of pastries when I heard the car pull up behind me. Turning around, my spirits continued to soar when I saw the silver car parked there. Looking at my phone, I saw Edward was early.

And when he stepped out of the car, his smile lit me on fire. He was in such a good mood.

Today was going to be perfect.

"Hi," I said, grinning. "You're early."

His smile quivered and he looked back towards the house.

"Is that all right?" he asked. "I couldn't wait."

People who say your stomach doesn't flutter when the boy you like says something sweet are delusional. My stomach was flip-flopping like crazy.

"It's great," I replied and sighed when he got close enough to wrap his arms around me, holding me close.

"I wanted to get here as soon as I could," he whispered near my ear. He squeezed me gently and I heard him take a long breath. "You smell like cookies."

I hummed against his chest, a little dizzy when he finally pulled himself away to look at what was in my hands.

"From the bakery. I just got a job there," I explained and he grinned.

He looked so beautiful when he smiled.

"Other people will get to taste your cookies?" he teased. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"You get my special cookies," I shot back, watching in amusement when his mouth went a little slack.

He shook himself out of it and took the box from me, peeking inside.

"Nope, these aren't the ones I want," he quipped and put his arm around me as we walked towards the house, his arm much more relaxed than it was yesterday. It was strange how happy he was, knowing we had to sit and talk about everything.

He paused at the door, looking inside with the more familiar nervous look I was used to.

"Charlie's gone fishing," I said and waited for him to step inside.

"We're alone?" he asked.

"Until probably after sundown," I replied and took the box from his hands to leave in the kitchen.

He didn't follow me, and I wondered if his confidence was wavering.

Or maybe he was thinking of throwing me over his shoulder and taking me upstairs.

I was glad I had changed my sheets.

But when I went to find him, he was in the living room, sitting carefully on one end of the couch. It was my fault really. I told him we had to talk first before anything else. And regardless of what my body was saying, I knew we had to have some clarity if we were going to get on with it.

I sat on the opposite end of the couch, giving him a little room.

I wasn't sure how close I could get without wanting to climb on him, and with his comments about touching the day before, I figured it was safer to just start as far away as I could. We'd talk and then it would be okay.

I had decided that going slow like he wanted couldn't be _that_ bad. We really still didn't know a lot about each other.

Well, my brain and heart had decided. My body was threatening to start a revolution. Especially with the outfit he was wearing.

I had never seen Edward in slacks and a button up, and he looked good.

Even if the button up was hiding what I was starting to obsess over.

I admit, since feeling him the day before, it was all I thought about.

What it looked like, what it felt like, what it tasted…

"Bella?"

I blinked and jerked my head up to his face, my blush raging at being caught staring at his crotch.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something," I replied weakly.

He shifted in his seat, so that his back was to the arm of the sofa and he was facing me. I mirrored him, and soon we were sitting there, looking at one another with a few feet of Charlie's brown plaid sofa in between us.

"I'm not really sure how to start," he said quietly. He chuckled and grabbed at his hair nervously, looking away from me.

His nervousness in turn made me nervous.

What could be so bad that he didn't want to talk about it?

"I'm sort of messed up," he started and then shook his head. "But I'm trying to be better. And I learned this morning that I can do better."

I shifted a little closer to him, wanting to reach out and just hold his hand. His guarded stare made me slow down. I reached slowly, hoping he wouldn't decide to run.

"It can't be that bad. And you said you're trying to be better. That's good," I said, encouraging him. I reached his hand on his knee, covering it gently. He let out a sound, like a pained sigh and let me wrap my fingers around his hand.

"The point is, I want to do this right with you," he continued. "I don't want to hurt you or do something to you that you don't want."

I shifted a little closer.

"I think you don't understand what I want, Edward," I said, feeling his knees against mine as I slid closer.

"I know what you want."

I sat there, dumbfounded.

"What do I want?" I asked, my voice far too breathy for this conversation.

He swallowed and when his eyes met mine, they were dark and conflicted.

"You want exactly what I want," he murmured before looking down again. "But I want more, much, much more."

My breathing had picked up. I didn't know if he really knew what I wanted, but if he wanted more, I was game.

"So why are we not doing that?" I asked. "Why were you so put off by me touching you? Did I hurt you? Did… did I do it wrong?"

The side of his mouth turned up slightly and he shook his head, looking up at me through his eyelashes. That look made my heart hammer.

"Then what is making you stop me from doing it?" I asked, almost pleading.

He sighed and leaned back a little, like he was coming up for air from the deep end of the pool.

"The reason is long and complicated," he said, groaning in frustration. "I don't even understand it all."

"Okay," I replied quietly, trying to think of all the reasons he'd want to slow things down between us. "Did someone hurt you? Is that why you don't like to be touched?"

He frowned and looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I guess I was, to some degree. But it's not that I don't want to be touched," he replied. "I just want it differently."

Wanted it differently?

Was he…kinky?

And why did that get me a little hot?

It was a little scary, but I trusted him.

He wouldn't hurt me. I was pretty sure.

What if he wanted me to do things to him?

"Are you freaked out yet?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I want to know how to make you like it when we're together," I confessed, blushing at my ignorance.

His hand gripped mine a little tighter and he pulled me a little closer once more, his other hand moving to take my free one. Licking his lips he watched my hands while he spoke, his voice a little detached.

"There's a lot of things I want, and it wasn't until this morning that I realized that I could even hope for those things. But I'm not used to the idea that I can have it. It's always been decided for me."

I squeezed his hand in encouragement, watching as he mentally put together what he wanted to say.

"We moved from Alaska because of me," he started….

~~oo~~

"I just want normal."

I sat there, motionless as his voice finally drifted off, his eyes still focused on our hands, which were very warm against his knees. I couldn't breathe, my chest hurt.

My heart hurt.

My mind was numb.

I didn't know exactly what to feel.

Shame for having called him Creepy Hot Guy, because he thought he was creepy when he was not.

Pissed that someone would do that to someone like Edward. I didn't know him that well, but he didn't deserve to be treated like he had by this Tanya bitch. She had warped something that should have been good and honest and pleasurable.

Shame again for having such dirty thoughts about him, for wanting to jump his bones, even now.

Guilt for tempting him, albeit I never meant to. It was just in his nature.

Shame again for wanting him because it was his nature.

Anger that his parents didn't see he was in need.

Angry that no one had given him what he needed.

Sad that his views of sex were so skewed. And so different from mine.

Maybe.

And pained because I knew I was weak and would only serve to tempt him more.

Hopeful, because even as broken as he was in places, I still wanted him.

In every way.

"It's understandable if you want to call this off. Like I said, I'm messed up," he mumbled, still looking down.

I grit my teeth at his words.

I wasn't having it.

No.

Damn everyone else.

Screw the shame and the guilt and the pain.

Edward was all that mattered.

I wanted him to have what he lost. What he needed.

I wanted so much to fix him. Make him smile again.

"Edward," I whispered.

He glanced up, his eyes squeezing shut when he felt my hand slip out of his.

"Edward."

My hands traced across his cheeks, his eyes remaining tightly closed.

My fingertips continued their path until I couldn't reach further.

Down his neck.

Across his shoulders.

Until I had to sit up.

Legs pressing against his, the heat of them burning me just like yesterday.

But this was different. We were different.

I leaned forward, my cheek leaned against his.

"Edward."

Hands moving around to his back where I could feel him tense and breathe a little heavier.

"Bella."

"It's okay, Edward," I whispered, my mouth close to his ear as I pulled him closer me, hugging him to me.

I could feel his hands on my hips struggling to hold me away for only a second before his fingers wrapped around my middle, pulling me onto his lap.

His arms wrapped around me, holding me close.

And I held him closer.

Because this is what he needed.

More than anything else.

This is what I could easily give him.

His warm breath felt good against my neck.

His warm arms felt good around me.

My mind might have thought of a million and one scenarios with Edward Cullen for today.

But this one was real. And better than any of the other thoughts.

I silently swore I'd be anything he needed.

I'd make him see he was beautiful.

I'd help him to see.

I'd help to fix him.

Not for any other reason but to feel this against me again and again.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward?"

He pulled away enough to look up into my eyes. One of his hands slipped up to brush across my cheeks. I hadn't realized I was crying.

"Thank you," he murmured.

I shook my head and smiled down at him.

"For what?"

"For listening, and trusting me," he whispered, his lips close to mine.

I leaned in and let my lips travel over his while he pulled me closer. It was a slow kiss, something that we both needed.

I needed to be reminded that slow was good.

And he needed it to help him work through everything that had been done to him.

If this was his idea of slow, I knew we could manage.

One kiss at a time.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awwww. Darn it when I am feeling all sentimental! **

**Wonder what kind of limits they'll set for one another. **

**Maybe Bella would like some of what Edward learned. **

**Hope Esme is watching over FC while Edward and Bella make out on Charlie's couch. **

**Until tomorrow all! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey All! First week of classes and my kids are keeping me busy! So this is a little short (snort)**

**Who knew my hormonal mood changes could have such an effect on ya'll! **

**Yeah- a little sap…. Just making room for the schmexy….**

**And because I giggled at how many readers are concerned:**

**No Flour Children were harmed during the writing of this chapter… how awesome is it that an inanimate object is getting so much love from you readers! LOVE IT! ( I may be convinced to do a FC POV one day)**

**Make Me Over- Lifehouse**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 31: I felt everything more clearly.**

**EPOV**

I held Bella to me for some time. I had no idea how long.

I was savoring the feel of her warmth and her heart as it beat against my chest.

It was beating so hard.

Was she scared?

Or excited?

I didn't care for the moment.

All I cared about was the incredible feeling of affection and safety in her arms.

The monsters were fleeing, the fear washing away with each heartbeat.

Everything about this moment in time comforted me.

Bella was holding me, her cheek nestled against my jaw where it rubbed every now and then, as if to remind me that she was there.

As if could forget.

Bella was holding me.

She wasn't running away.

She wasn't disgusted.

She wasn't even angry in my confession at being a deviant.

_Not a deviant_.

I wasn't a deviant at all, but it was difficult to let that go after months of feeling like one.

Bella tightened her grip around my neck and rubbed her cheek against me once more, reassuring me in her own way.

I sighed and tucked my nose against her neck, breathing in the sweetness of her before slowly drawing away from her, so that she was gazing down at me. Bella tipped her head down, kissing me softly on the lips and smiling against them when she adjusted her hips against me.

I might have found some resolution in my condition. It didn't mean I was cured from being aroused by her every waking moment. Groaning at the temptation, I slowly placed her a safer distance from my traitorous cock and shifted in my seat, praying she hadn't noticed.

"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked, her hand drifting towards mine that lay on my thigh. I tensed slightly in anticipation at her hand being so close.

Did she know what that did to me?

She must have, because she tugged my hand closer to my knee, further away from where my mind and body wanted it.

Her eyes were regarding me timidly, and I realized I had not answered her.

"Sure," I murmured and shifted again to relieve the tension in my body.

She remained quiet, chewing on her lip as she looked down at my hand in hers.

"This woman," she said hesitantly, "She did a lot of things with you?"

I swallowed and nodded, on guard.

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked and her eyes drifted up to capture mine.

She seemed so innocent, looking at me with those big brown eyes. But I knew that she was more than she seemed. She had touched me, without my ordering it, and then had embraced me as if she knew it would ground me.

Had Tanya ever given herself so selflessly?

It had always been taking.

Commanding. Ordering. Dismissing.

Had I really enjoyed it?

"Not everything," I whispered and looked away from the innocence staring back at me.

She wouldn't understand what it was we had done.

And much of it I would never do to her.

Or wish her to do to me.

I never wanted to hurt Bella for pleasure.

But some of it. Some of what I had learned I hoped I could do.

I wanted to explore her, make her body sing. Hear her cry out, not from pleasured pain but from absolute pleasure.

I looked up again to see her blush receding, her eyes downcast.

"Bella, it's not something I want to repeat with you," I explained.

She didn't need to know what I wanted.

I didn't even fully know.

What Tanya had done was something most people never did.

So what was normal?

Something I wanted. That's what normal was.

I leaned towards her and tipped her chin up so that she was looking at me again.

"I have no idea what I want exactly, Bella. Only that I want to do it with you."

Poor choice of words maybe by the blush on her face.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I want to please you."

I frowned at those words. How many times had I said that to Tanya as I kneeled before her? I shook my head and forced the past out of my head.

"I don't want that to be your reason," I said. She looked at me in confusion.

"I don't want to think of this as one or the other being in control, okay?" I asked. "That's why I want to slow down. So that we can learn what the other likes."

Bella moved a little closer and offered me a small smile.

"Like partners," she whispered, her smile growing.

"Partners," I replied, matching her grin. Pulling her closer, I kissed her again, enjoying the ache as it settled into my groin.

I'd have to embrace that feeling.

That was the only thing I wished to control.

My urges would be controlled.

"Can I ask something else?" she asked.

I nodded. It was getting easier and easier to talk with her about things.

"Um, how do you stay in control of it?" she asked.

"It?"

Her nose wrinkled up in such a cute way, it made me want to push her back into the sofa and kiss her over and over again. Kissing her was better than anything I had ever done with Tanya.

"How do you keep from, you know, _blue_," she asked and glanced down towards my obvious arousal.

I sat up a little and pulled my shirt over my lap.

"It's not something I can will away," I replied, a little uncomfortable. I definitely didn't want to open up about how I needed to get off several times a day.

_She'd_ develop a complex.

"I just," she said and looked away hurriedly. "Do I do that to you or is it just like an automatic response to things."

"Can we talk about something else?" I hedged.

I really underestimated how much she understood about me.

Bella's lips curved up into a coy smirk and stood up quickly.

"I'll try better not to distract you," she said and made her way out of the living room.

I let out a forceful breath and wondered if she'd notice me disappear into the bathroom for five minutes. Whatever we decided to do about advancing our relationship, I was sure that any release I would be getting would be my own.

For a little while at least.

Slow was good.

Slow was necessary.

Slow was good…. My new mantra.

After a minute of talking myself down in every sense of the word, I made my way to the kitchen where Bella was munching on a cookie.

Was she intentionally trying to tempt me?

Her eyes widened and she put the cookie down as soon as she saw me.

"Did you want one?" she asked.

Really, was she that innocent?

"Um, no. I better not," I replied, not thinking about the actual cookies.

"We should figure out what we want to do today," she continued, pulling the cookie apart.

"You're nervous," I stated.

She shrugged and toyed with the cookie some more.

"I need to know what I should and shouldn't do around you," she said quietly.

"I don't think you can stop doing anything around me," I whispered, not really meaning for her to hear.

"But you want to take this slowly," she explained. "And after what you said, what you've been through. I feel like everything I do makes it harder for you."

She blushed and groaned, covering her face.

I was standing in front of her in an instant.

"Bella, you can't change me overnight," I said softly. My hands moved to her hips, holding her a safe distance from me. "I have no idea how to do this. I mean, I know what I want to do, and I have an idea about what you want to do, but I don't want to rush that part."

"I don't want to tempt you," she whispered and looked up at me. "But it's difficult not to think about it, and then I feel bad."

I slid in close to her, our bodies barely touching. But where we touched I could feel her heat burning through me. It was like a constant need to get closer.

"You tempt me just by being, Bella," I murmured. "And that's okay. I can enjoy kissing you again and again. Like this."

I closed the distance and met her hungry lips with my own, feeling her body press against mine. I let the feelings wash over me, different now that we had talked. I still wanted her more than anything.

I still could imagine every position and situation I wanted her in.

But now as I kissed her, I felt more of her.

I tasted her more deeply, the sweetness of the sugar cookie she ate that was then chased by the flavor that was simply Bella.

I could feel her hips as they pushed against me, her soft stomach framed by the firm pressure of her hip bones against my thighs.

Her fingers clenched around my shirt and tugged me to her until she was wedged against the counter.

I felt everything more clearly.

Who needed fantasies when there was the real thing kissing me?

Reality was so much better than imagined.

"Okay."

I looked down at her and smiled.

"Okay,what?" I asked.

She smiled and kissed me again hard.

"We can do this for a while," she replied and pulled my head back to hers.

I could kiss her like this for quite some time.

And when we got to the other, I knew it would be as incredible.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**I promise, date night next!**

**Thanks all! More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hello lovelies! Sorry for the delay. I got stuck yesterday at work till too late…**

**Really going to have to work on a buffer this weekend.**

**Here's date night… **

**I Can Love You Better- Dixie Chicks**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 32: Oh. _That._**

**BPOV**

I sat beside Edward in his car as he drove us to Port Angeles, a thousand and one thoughts rushing through my mind.

A lot of what he had said had blasted past me as he had confessed his issues, but now in the car, I could work my way through them. I was astounded again and again by how normal he seemed, given the history he had told me.

Mother and father gone.

Troubled childhood.

Having been seduced by this woman, Tanya into a relationship that seemed more like sexual slavery than a partnership. And what she had done to him.

I was thankful that he didn't go into specifics.

Knowing that she didn't offer him what he needed was bad enough. But then to find out it was some sort of master and servant thing made me sick to my stomach.

Don't get me wrong. I had fantasized about Edward tying me up and making me beg.

Or maybe even a little spanking.

Talking dirty while he had good and rough sex with me.

Things like that were normal.

Right?

But to deny someone pleasure, or to hurt them. That was crossing a line.

Would he want that with me? He had said no. But was that why he was keeping it so slow?

Because he was afraid to let that beast out?

How did I show him that I wanted him, in a way that made us both happy?

That bitch had completely screwed up his perception of sex.

And his dad hadn't helped.

What kind of father doesn't protect their child?

I shoved that thought from my head before I got angry, wanting to enjoy this night with him.

I wanted to show him normal. I wanted to provide Edward with that bit of happiness that he had been lacking for too long.

He seemed so much happier after his confession that I didn't want to bombard him with the questions I had, only to see him clam up or feel awkward at my ignorance.

I knew asking about his issues would be difficult to do, especially with just how recent his epiphany was. Less than twelve hours and he was a changed person.

Yesterday he had been reserved and cautious of me, like a cornered animal.

Today, the animal was there, but it was as if I had fed the beast a tasty bone and it was eager to please in order to get another.

Edward smiled and even laughed at my jokes. He seemed to have lightened his load immensely.

At least one load.

There was still one obvious issue that I knew I wouldn't be discussing with him until we were both a little more comfortable with one another.

I had been an idiot for asking him about his erections.

But seriously, how did he put up with it? It had to hurt.

And like that little girl in Poltergeist, I was drawn to the bright light that was his button flies. Today however they were baggy navy Dockers, so I had to look a little harder for it, which was perhaps not being respectful.

I figured it was only fair though.

For every time he looked at my breasts or my thighs while he drove, I was going to take a gander at him. And since he was supposed to be watching the road rather than my hardening nipples, I deserved to ogle.

If I was going to die in a fiery car crash, I wanted to remember him.

"What are you thinking about?"

I looked up from his long thighs and smiled.

"Right this second or in general?" I asked teasingly.

He chuckled and looked back out towards the road. I loved that he could laugh so easily and still be nervous and awkward. Definitely not Creepy Hot Guy anymore.

Hot Guy.

_My_ guy.

"Can I ask you something else?" I asked, his eyes glancing at me sideways.

I hated that cautious look.

I wanted him to trust me more than that.

I hated that woman for doing this to him.

"I guess so," he replied haltingly.

I turned a little so I could see him better in the waning light.

"I'm not really used to dating, Edward" I prefaced. "So I just want to know how you view us? I mean I know how you feel, but I just want to be sure I have it right?"

He pursed his lips together and frowned as he watched the road ahead.

"You mean if we're going out? Or something different?" he asked. His voice was back to that guarded timbre, rather than the lighter one after the kiss.

I didn't want him to worry so much over us.

"Are we going out, like boyfriend-girlfriend. That's what I'm asking I guess," I replied quietly."

His pursed lips tightened for a second before one side of his mouth crept up, his eyebrows rising before he chanced a look at me.

"You tried to feel me up yesterday, and we just spent the last hour and half making out in your kitchen, Bella," he replied in amusement. "I think that means I'm your boyfriend."

I pretended to pout at him before moving towards him to kiss his cheek.

His cheek was much firmer when he was grinning.

I liked that a lot.

Port Angeles came into view, busy on a Saturday night. Edward had been cryptic on where we were going, so when we pulled up in front of Bella Italia, I was completely surprised.

"How did you know I liked Italian food?" I asked awestruck.

He tugged at his hair as he helped me out of the car.

"I just liked it for the name," he admitted, and took my hand in his to walk me into the restaurant. "But now I've learned something new."

As soon as we were settled in our booth, I leaned in close.

"You can ask me anything you know. I know so much about you, it's only fair for you to ask me things, Edward."

Our waitress interrupted us before he could ask me any questions. Her eyes wandered over Edward for a little longer than I liked, all but ignoring me until she realized that _he_ was ignoring _her_.

He was too busy looking at me to notice her.

When she didn't leave immediately, he finally broke eye contact with me to look up at her in question. She glanced at me before excusing herself. I'm not the jealous sort. I know where I sit on the hierarchy of wanted women.

But with Edward, I was a little more possessive.

Would this be how it was? With all the girls?

Was Jessica and Lauren just the beginning of a long line of women who would tempt him?

"Hey."

I focused back on him, wondering what he had seen of my reaction.

"What's wrong?" he asked, worried.

"Nothing," I replied and scooted a little closer to him so that I could feel him against me.

He scowled at me and shook his head.

"I told you about me," he said teasingly.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Fine. I was just wondering if I was going to feel all jealous with every girl that looks at you," I huffed.

His smile widened and he wrapped one arm around me as if to stake a claim.

"Maybe as much as I am towards you when Newton looks at you the way he does."

"Do you get jealous?" I asked, interested in this part of him.

"Of course," he admitted seriously.

"You don't need to be," I mumbled.

"Well, same for you," he whispered against my ear, his mouth lingering and sending a shiver through me.

He was making it incredibly difficult to not want to molest him in the restaurant when he breathed me in. He hummed softly as his nose edged over the curve of my neck, pulling away slightly when the waitress reappeared. She took our orders in short order and left us alone once more, leaving Edward to pull me closer, his free hand taking mine that rested on my thigh.

Wrapping his fingers around my hand meant his knuckles brushed across the expanse of my thigh. His mouth returned to my ear, kissing it softly. I let out a stuttered breath, causing him to pull away reluctantly.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I can't stop wanting to kiss you."

He smiled and took a deep breath, settling back into the booth to watch me.

It was a little unnerving to see his eyes travel over me like they had that first day I had met him. There was lust there in his eyes, and it was then that my mind clicked.

"You were interested in me since the first day," I said, matter of fact.

The one corner of his mouth rose and he nodded.

"But you disappeared," I argued. "And you avoided me all that period."

"Bella, if I let myself do what I imagined that first day, I would have broken the microscope on the table and maybe gotten us expelled for indecent exposure," he said in that low gravelly voice that made my thighs clench.

He must have noticed because he looked down at his hand in mine resting on my thigh.

"You really need to stop doing that," he whispered, flexing his hand so that he could touch more of my thigh.

I swallowed and look down at his hand, stroking the top of my thigh lightly.

"Then you need to stop doing _that_," I replied back and intentionally clenched my thighs once more.

He sighed and wrapped his hand back around mine, pulling it up onto the table.

"You are entirely too tempting," he said and put a little more distance between us.

We remained quiet until dinner arrived, the waitress all but handing herself to Edward when she put his plate before him.

Yes, I may have definitely been jealous.

I may have definitely put my hand on his thigh.

I may have definitely felt his thigh clench.

It sent the waitress retreating with his heated look drilling through me.

"Behave," he breathed, a strained smile on his face.

"It made her disappear, didn't it?" I shot back.

He groaned and picked up his fork, trying to move on to dinner.

I turned to my food, not interested in it nearly as much as the leg of Edward sitting beside me. This slow thing was going to kill me.

Edward seemed to be able to suppress his desire so easily, but I supposed he had had much more practice than I had. He took a bite of his meal, watching me with a cautious smile as he chewed. He didn't speak until I had a ravioli in my mouth.

"So I can ask anything about you?"

I paused in my chewing, wondering if I should agree to it.

It wasn't like I had any dark secrets.

Not like he did.

I nodded and he put down his fork to give me his full attention.

"Okay," he said brightly, tapping his finger to his lips in thoughtful contemplation.

Why was I dreading this?

He started out easy.

The general favorites.

Favorite color.

Favorite book.

Favorite music.

"You like a lot of different music," he commented after I had listed off my favorites that I listened to.

He had pushed his plate to the side and was leaning on his elbow, watching me as I answered all of his questions.

Every question he asked, I answered readily. It was a nice way of learning his own favorites. I had never opened up so much to a boy before. I felt I could tell him almost anything.

"So you said something that has me curious," he said, looking away as if bashful suddenly.

"What?"

His nerves always made me worried.

He played with his fork, keeping his eyes focused on it as it spun before him in his long fingertips.

"What you said in the woods."

"I said a lot of things, Edward."

His eyes flitted up to mine for a second, only to chuckle and look back down.

"That you were not the only virgin."

Oh. _That._

I was definitely not hungry anymore. I pushed the last couple of ravioli around in my plate, waiting for him to continue.

"So you are?" he asked, the fork stalling on the table.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked.

He remained quiet.

Weren't guys supposed to be eager to break in a girl?

Was I never going to get someone to help me with that pesky thing?

"It's not a bad thing at all, Bella," he said finally and shifted closer to me. "All the more reason to go slow, for both of us."

"So you're not upset that I am?" I asked, looking up into his deep green eyes.

"Would you be upset if I was?" he asked, serious.

I frowned.

"But," I stammered. "You aren't."

He continued to look at me, straight faced.

"Are you?"

"Does that upset you that I am?"

"No. I just assumed, with all you did…"

He leaned a little closer.

"We're on the same level on at least one thing."

He pulled me to him and kissed me deeply, not caring that the entire restaurant could see. He left me breathless as he threw down some money and slid out of the booth, offering me his hand. Heart pounding, I took it and seemed to float beside him as we made our way back to the car.

He was on the road once more, gripping the wheel tight before he spoke again.

"I don't want to sound rude, but perhaps we should cut tonight a little short," he said, trying to smile as his eyes drifted down my body again.

My body felt overcharged as he reached out to hold me hand, bringing it to his side to rest on his lap.

Tempting me.

We were both teetering on the brink of doing something that would possibly hurt him.

Which of course made me feel guilty once more for tempting him.

So we headed back in silence, my hand burning against him.

I had to bite my lip to force myself not to move up higher.

When we neared my house, I felt him tense and let out a long breath. Charlie was home, which made the decision to come inside or go home clear. He stopped just short of the house, the large tree in front of our yard blocking the car from view of the front windows.

Which made my heart beat just a little harder.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he whispered, looking out towards the house.

"I would like that."

He squeezed my hand gently and turned to look at me, keeping his eyes on mine. He leaned in slowly, as if he moved slowly enough he would be able to control himself. I on the other hand felt myself getting more worked up with each tiny inch he moved. I just wanted to grab him and tug him to me.

His lips touched mine, barely there, making my breath hitch at the anticipation.

For him to draw me deeper.

To devour.

But he slowly withdrew, his eyes fluttering as he licked his lips at the taste of me on them.

He was going to drive me crazy.

"Walk you to the door?" he whispered.

"Do you want to get interrogated by my dad?" I asked, smirking.

I saw the concern in his eyes and laughed.

"Relax, Edward," I said, opening the door. "He wouldn't do that. Call me when you want to come over? We can work on the project."

He grinned and looked down, shaking his head.

"That's not what I really want to do, but okay," he grumbled.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said and climbed out of his car. I looked back and smiled. "Thank you for dinner."

He nodded and I could tell he was watching me as I walked up to the house, seeing him when I turned before I opened the door to step inside. He smile and slowly pulled out, leaving me with a smile that wouldn't be easily lost.

"Did you have a good time?"

I jumped and turned to see Charlie in the kitchen doorway, eating one of the cupcakes Jasper had given me. I pulled my coat off and put it on the hook, still smiling.

"Yes, I did."

"Uh huh," he said and turned back to the kitchen.

"Do you get these goodies every week?" he called out.

I shook my head and made my way up stairs.

Leave it to Charlie to think that pastries were more interesting than his daughter going out with a boy.

Thank god.

I didn't want to have that conversation.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: nice little date night? A little temptation. Wonder how long they'll last….**

**One day at a time… **

**Sorry for the delays. Will update probably in the afternoons my time the rest of this week. Makes it a little easier. My apologies to my European dears. **

**MWAH!**

**Steph**


	33. Chapter 33

**Morning, afternoon, and goodday to ya'll! I fully blame a headache and work for missing out yesterday. Hoping to catch up this weekend and get a little ahead to avoid delays. **

**So let's see how dear Edward handles getting home…**

**Ugly Side- Blue October**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 33: I had been good today. **

**EPOV**

I smiled the entire way home, thinking of nothing but her.

_Bella. _

God she was amazing.

The entire day had been amazing.

And frustrating.

I shifted in my seat as I drove, eager to get home and take care of things.

I was trying to limit myself. I was. I had been so good today in that regard.

But I had also been hard for hours and I knew this one would be difficult to get rid of.

Not that I was lacking in images.

Bella against the counter, against me.

Bella on the couch, in my lap.

Bella at dinner while she ate.

Bella in the car, her hand on my thigh.

Just Bella.

I just wanted her in every way. But that would all have to wait, as much as I didn't want to. Wanting Bella was going to kill me. I needed a release or I would cave in my self-imposed restrictions.

I could fantasize about her until the time was right.

That was totally normal.

I smiled as I pictured her kissing me again, that playful smile on her face when she asked me if I wanted a cookie.

I wanted Bella's cookies. No doubt. I wondered if they'd be as sweet.

My fantasies about her dissipated almost immediately when I pulled into the garage and saw Carlisle's car. Somehow I would have to explain myself. I'd have to explain Bella to him.

As if he knew my thoughts, he was waiting for me when I stepped into the house. I ignored the glare in his eyes as I walked past him to the kitchen, where Esme was busy cleaning up from dinner.

"Did you have a good day today?" she asked, smiling towards me before returning her attention to the countertops she was wiping down.

"Yeah, it was a good day," I replied, poking my finger into the bowl of mashed potatoes on the table.

"Where did you go?" Carlisle asked as he walked in.

"I was with Bella," I replied simply. I knew where he'd go with this.

It was unavoidable. No use in lying about it. I had never lied before.

I wasn't about to make Bella a dirty secret.

Because she wasn't.

"This is a bad idea, Edward," he said in controlled frustration.

"Nothing happened."

"Oh _really_?" he challenged.

I stared him hard in the eye and nodded.

"Really."

"Boys," Esme soothed from her corner of the argument.

"I don't think you should see her anymore, Edward," Carlisle said, ignoring Esme.

"Carlisle…"

"That's not going to happen," I seethed, feeling the panic of losing her wind around my muscles.

"You'll do the same thing to her," he argued. "She doesn't deserve _that."_

"You don't even know what _that_ was!" I hissed, stepping towards him. "You're so blind by whatever you refuse to see what it was! You're just a blind, judgmental dick!"

"Edward!" Esme admonished.

"There are some things you don't do with another human being!" Carlisle replied hotly.

I nodded and took another step towards him.

"Yeah, I learned that today, Dad. So why do I get punished for wanting something natural but you turn a blind eye to everyone else?" I yelled. "Why am I the only wrong one!"

"Because you have a problem!"

"That's not what I found out today." I growled. "I'm not as sick as you think, Dad."

"You can't control it," Carlisle replied. "You want to lose control with a nice girl again? You will not see her again!"

I _was_ losing it.

My body was shaking.

No one was going to take Bella from me.

Not when I had finally tasted a bit of what he preached was normal. What he thought I wasn't.

"Bella understands me," I said defiantly. "She's not like Tanya."

"I won't let you defile an innocent girl!" Carlisle continued. "You are the one that thinks its normal to prey on women and force them to have sex with you!"

Esme stood beside us, pleading with us, but it was lost as we stared each other down, breathing hard.

Why didn't Carlisle ever really ask or find out what had happened?

_Always my fault._

Even when it was Tanya, all along. Why had I let _myself_ think it was all me?

I chuckled darkly and dropped my gaze from his crazed eyes.

"You never thought to ask me, not once. To explain," I whispered and took a step back, feeling my legs stumble from the adrenaline. "It's too easy to blame me. I'm a guy, so I should be blamed, right?"

"You were the one tying her up," he croaked. "It's disgusting. Controlling someone like that for pleasure. Hurting them."

I nodded and swallowed down hard.

"Then maybe you should have asked Tanya what she did to me for months before that, Dad," I replied sadly. "It was a lot more than tying me up. You only believed what you saw, not what was really happening."

"_Edward."_

I heard Esme's choked sobbing. Something I never wanted to do to her. Not my mom. I never wanted her to know what had happened between Tanya and me. It was bad enough she knew anything.

But he pushed. He assumed every time that it was I, even when I tried to tell him in all those fucking sessions.

He wouldn't ever believe me.

I wasn't blood.

That's what it really came down to.

I was demented somehow, because of my past. I understood now.

He had never understood my needs. Only Esme hugged me as a child.

Carlisle had never.

I took another step away and looked at the disgust in his eyes.

"You can't do that to another girl," he said, his voice strained. "This Bella doesn't deserve that."

Esme was crying beside Carlisle, looking at me in anguish. I couldn't tell whether she was crying for me or because of me. All I knew was that any confidence I had gained from the day with Bella was fast waning, to be replaced with the same empty hollow feeling I always had when faced with Carlisle's judgmental eyes.

"I'd never hurt Bella," I murmured, the shame of my past starting to seep in to my bones.

Why did Bella understand so easily, but my parents looked at me with such disappointment.

Did she really understand?

"You won't see her anymore outside of school, Edward. It's safer, for her," Carlisle said in that all too clinical voice.

"You can't make me," I said defiantly, sounding oddly like a spoiled little boy.

"While you are living in this house, I most certainly can!" he said, angry.

_"Carlisle."_

"Stay out of it, Esme," he said low, his eyes never leaving mine. "You've encouraged him enough and Whit has only seemed to screw him up more. I'll be talking to her tomorrow, that's for certain. You cannot engage in any sort of relationship in your condition."

"You don't even know my condition!" I raged. "You have it in your head I'm some pervert, but I'm not! I had a good day! Until now! You have no clue what's going on in my head! And I like Dr. Whitlock! She actually listened to me!"

Carlisle's eyes narrowed into tiny slits.

"I'm sure you liked her," he replied, accusing.

I threw up my hands and turned from them, knowing I wouldn't win this.

Unless Dr. Whitlock told Carlisle what we had talked about, he would never believe me. And if she was being honest with me, I knew she wouldn't tell him.

I wished she would, then. Maybe then he'd understand.

I needed to speak with Dr. Whitlock. Tell her to make them see.

That I wasn't fucked up.

I wasn't.

Right?

My brain was cloudy again. Sure one second, followed by bone crushing shame and doubt.

One thing was clear though.

I was not giving up Bella.

I clung to that thought as I slammed the door to my bedroom and stripped down roughly.

She was the only thing that made me feel good about myself.

I thought about calling her, to hear her voice to put me at ease. But I was so worked up I feared I'd say something wrong. And I didn't want her to become my calming agent every time I had an issue.

That would make her more like my need to jerk off to feel better.

She was more than wasn't something dirty like that.

She cared.

I couldn't give her up.

She was mine.

She wanted me.

And she was good.

If I were so bad, why would she want me?

The entire day, in a matter of a few words from Carlisle, was ruined. I was back to square one, doubting.

I tried to think back to the afternoon with Bella.

Her smile.

Her arms around me, comforting me.

Her breathy voice in my ear.

Her mouth, her taste, her softness against my hardness, her moans, the heat of her as she held me against her…

I stroked myself, to try and find relief, but it wasn't what I needed. Carlisle had taken those tender moments I had had with her and warped them somehow into something wrong. Now all I saw was such an innocent girl that I would defile with my demented cravings.

Really, she wasn't that innocent. She wanted it. She tempted me at every turn.

She was bold enough to reach out for me.

She wanted it. _Badly._

I could tell every time she squeezed those nice thighs together.

She wanted me _there_.

She wasn't much different from me.

I gripped harder, rough like I sometimes liked when I was angry.

Imagining.

_Fucking her. _

Holding her down and entering her with a vengeance.

Finally inside and feeling for once the power of having a woman.

Hands pinned, hips trapped as I entered her hard.

Her voice loud as I pounded into her, calling my name.

Was she telling me to stop?

Would I be too rough with her?

Shit.

_Shitshitshitshitshitshit._

I lay there, curled up in my bed, whimpering as I tried again and again to bring up an image of her that I could get off to. One that didn't make me feel like a pervert.

But every single one made me wonder if she wouldn't be scared of me regardless.

I finally gave up, my mind whirling around in self doubt.

I had been happy in her arms. Contented even.

Her smiling face made me calm.

Her touch made me want her in every way, but it was deeper somehow.

She wanted it, right?

Of course she did.

But would I scare her? Because of what I was?

Would I show her something more than normal?

Would I revert to what I was? In that moment of desire?

Had Tanya shaped me to be like her?

No, I didn't want to hurt Bella.

So why did I sometimes fantasize about her like that?

Would I hurt her in my blind passion? I felt the burn to my cock as I lay there, knowing that I had been too absorbed in getting off to take care of it properly. What was to say I wouldn't do that to her in a moment of passion?

I couldn't give her up.

He couldn't ask me to do that.

I had been good today.

Only three times all day.

It didn't matter about all the thoughts in between.

I hadn't acted.

Wasn't that the goal?

She had been a distraction, both good and bad.

But I had been good.

I _was_ good.

How could he make me quit her?

She saw the good in me, however deep it was.

She forgave me of my ugly side.

I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

Even if I should.

There was no giving her up.

Ever.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: You ever feel an overwhelming pride in something you accomplished only to have it dashed to nothing by someone, in a matter of seconds?**

**Yeah, that's what Edward's feeling. Keep on hating Carlisle… he deserves it after this little altercation. **

**More tomorrow. We'll see how Sunday for them turns out…**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	34. Chapter 34

**Happy Sunday folks! So many death warrants out for Carlisle! (hehehe) Remind me to never piss ya'll off! **

**So let's see how Bella's doing…. this is long. naturally. hahaha**

**I Care For You- Aaliyah**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 34: What to do…What to do…**

**BPOV**

House clean: CHECK

Cinnamon bread in the oven: CHECK

Frosting made: CHECK times two. I made two batches.

Charlie absorbed in Game whatever: CHECK

Phone charged: CHECK

Waiting for phone to ring….

CHECK. For hours now.

I didn't know whether Edward was the kind of person to sleep in on Sunday. Or maybe he went to church. I shook my head at that one. I doubted he did.

But then again, with a dad like Dr. Cullen, maybe they were deeply religious.

He thought Edward had a lot of sins in his life.

I tried to ignore the uncooperative phone and rearranged the baking cupboard.

I was running low on baking powder.

List made: CHECK.

Old ingredients tossed: CHECK

Dishes done, counters and cabinets wiped down, floor mopped, laundry done: CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK

What to do, what to do.

My homework was done, except what we had left to do for Biology. I wondered how FC was doing at the Cullens. Edward would have a lot of journaling to do. Maybe that's what he was doing and not calling me.

Or sleeping in.

It was only eleven-thirty.

"Whatcha baking?"

I turned to find Charlie rummaging around the refrigerator.

"Some cinnamon cake," I said, laughing when I saw him rub at his stomach.

"Is that what's for lunch?" he asked, hopeful.

"No," I teased and helped to pull out the makings for sandwiches.

It was becoming clear that Edward wouldn't come over at lunchtime. I was silent as I made Charlie and I sandwiches, wondering if maybe I should call Edward.

It wouldn't be too forward right?

Maybe he got sidetracked.

Maybe he got scared.

Maybe…

"Is Edward coming over today?"

I shrugged and checked my phone again.

"Quit pouting and just call him," Charlie grumbled and took his plate from me, pretending to scowl.

I shoved him out of the kitchen, turning back to my phone while Charlie laughed all the way back to the living room. I hated that Charlie thought it was funny.

I waited until I had finished one half of my sandwich before I called.

Straight to voicemail.

_Huh. _

I hung up before the beep, not wanting to look eager.

Even though I was.

I had planned out the day.

Charlie always snoozed from his three or four beers and slow game time around three o'clock. It was the best time for making out without getting interrupted. But if Edward didn't hurry, Charlie would be asleep and I'd be alone. Or worse, Charlie would stay up to harass us, energized by new entertainment of his daughter's nervous boyfriend.

So I called again, leaving a quick message about meeting up today.

And then I texted.

Just one time. Just in case he was screening his calls.

When Edward didn't text me back, I reluctantly went back to the baking.

The cake had cooled enough for me to start icing it. My favorite little trick with my cinnamon cake was to spear holes into it so the icing slipped into it. I sat there with my wooden spoon, poking holes into the spongy bread.

I may have imagined myself as some vampire killer once or twice.

What are you going to think about when you have a wooden spoon in your hand as you stab at something?

I had to entertain myself somehow.

I was bored and I needed something to make me forget my current alone status.

The icing made me ponder what it would taste like flavoured with Edward.

Or on me. Edward did say I tasted sweet yesterday.

Yes, I saved some of the second batch of icing.

Just in case Edward showed up.

I knew we were supposed to behave. I knew I'd chicken out. But it was good to be prepared.

I was slicing up the cake into bite size squares when I heard the knock at the door. Glancing at the clock, I grinned.

It wasn't even one yet.

Charlie might still fall asleep.

"I'll get it!" Charlie hollered. I rushed to get the icing off my fingers so I could get to the door before Charlie. I didn't really need him scaring Edward.

We both got to the door at the same time; his grin wicked at the prospect of tormenting Edward. I rolled my eyes at him as he reached for the door. We both froze when the door opened to reveal a person we didn't expect.

"Chief Swan. Bella."

Creepy Dr. Cullen was smiling down at us.

"Dr. Cullen," Charlie finally managed, extending his hand.

Carlisle took it and shook my dad's hand while eyeing me warily.

"I'm sorry to come over unannounced, but I wanted to see if we might have a word, in private," he said, still looking at me.

I was immediately on guard.

Edward had only touched on how his dad felt about his issues.

I knew he didn't have a positive view of Edward.

Or me.

"Is this about Edward?" I asked as he stepped inside.

"Yes, it is," Dr. Cullen replied, all too casual.

"Then I should hear about it too, then," I replied, my chin tilting up slightly when I noticed Dr. Cullen's jaw twitch.

It was a Cullen trait I knew well.

"This is something between your father and I, dear," he maintained.

Charlie glanced at me, his face in the stoic manner that had made him the Chief in the first place.

"With all due respect, Dr. Cullen," Charlie interjected. "Anything that has to do with my daughter, she has a right to hear."

That didn't seem to please the good doctor, who looked down at me like I was an annoyance.

"Very well," he murmured. "It's best she knows."

I clenched my fists as we made our way to the living room, Dr. Cullen settling into the sofa with some dignified presence of a royal. I slid onto the arm of Charlie's Lazyboy after he had sat down, the two of us watching Dr. Cullen carefully.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and looked straight at Charlie, effectively ignoring me.

"I'm here to apologize for my son, and anything that he may have done with your daughter," he started.

I felt Charlie stiffen beside me.

I was simply shocked.

"Edward hasn't done anything to me!" I exclaimed, feeling myself come up off the arm of the chair a little before Charlie pulled me back down gently.

He looked seriously at Dr. Cullen, who seemed to be so calm sitting there.

"What exactly do you mean, Dr. Cullen?" Charlie asked, much calmer than I was. "I've met your boy. He's a good kid."

Dr. Cullen shook his head and looked down at his hands.

"I'm afraid he's a very troubled boy, Chief. And I want to make sure he doesn't do anything to Bella that would end up hurting her."

"Hurting me?" I asked, still shocked. "He would never do that."

"Bella," Charlie said quietly. "Let Dr. Cullen speak and then we can decide."

Dr. Cullen's smile tipped up a little smugly at Charlie's comment before he continued.

"I'm not sure how much Edward has explained of his history, if anything," he started.

"He told me everything," I said defiantly.

I felt Charlie's hand on my arm, silencing me.

"I haven't heard yet, Bella," he whispered, now very serious.

I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. I didn't want Charlie to learn like this. From a man Edward feared and didn't trust. I still didn't understand it all.

But I knew I didn't want to learn about Edward's past in this way.

"I don't think this is fair to Edward to have his past laid out like this, Dad," I said. "He told me about his past, I am sure he would tell you as well, if it were your business to know."

Dr. Cullen looked at me in surprise.

"I think the Chief's daughter's well being is his business."

"Dr. Cullen," Charlie interrupted. "Unless Edward is a felon or emotionally unstable, I trust my daughter's assessment of her friends."

"Edward _is_ unstable."

Charlie straightened in his chair again.

"What do you mean?" he asked warily, glancing at me.

"He is _not_ unstable," I replied heatedly. "He was abused, and suffers from that. But you think he's worse."

I stared hard at Dr. Cullen.

"Is that what he told you? That he's a victim?" he asked, laughing in disbelief.

I stood up and held my hands by my waist, clenched tight.

"What else do you call a boy who is forced to engage in inappropriate touching by a grown woman, Dr. Cullen?" I breathed. "Did she ever get questioned? Or charged?"

Charlie was standing beside me suddenly at the mention of force.

"Wait a minute," he warned and stood between us. "He was abused? What does she mean, Dr. Cullen?"

Dr. Cullen was standing as well, straightening out his suit, looking a little frustrated.

I was sure he didn't think Edward would tell me everything.

He didn't really know Edward.

"That is a matter for the family, Chief. And it was dealt with, I can assure you. I wanted to just let you know that I intend on keeping my son away from your daughter," he said. "For her safety. And I would appreciate your help."

"What happened last night when he got home?" I pressed. "He's not answering his phone. Did you say something to him? He was happy when he dropped me off last night."

Dr. Cullen pressed his lips together and looked down at me critically.

Like he was assessing me.

Did he think that Edward had done something to me?

"I simply told him I didn't think it was a good idea, what he was doing with you," he replied, his eyes cold.

"He's not doing anything with me. You're blowing this out of proportion," I argued.

"Dr. Cullen," Charlie interrupted. "I'll take it into consideration. But my daughter is eighteen. She can make her own decisions about whom her friends are. I can't stop her from that."

I watched as the good doctor almost sneered at me as he smiled and shook Charlie's hand.

"I couldn't in good conscience leave it silent," he replied as he moved towards the door. "My son is very troubled, Chief. I am just looking out for your daughter."

"Thank you," Charlie replied simply.

Dr. Cullen paused at the open door, looking back at me again.

"I really think this is best for you, Bella," he said, his voice suddenly sympathetic. "I love Edward, but he needs help."

"He's not what you think," I said, standing firm in my beliefs.

After yesterday, I knew.

Edward could change with the right help.

"I've been around him a little longer than you have, dear," he said, mocking. "Have a good day. I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

Charlie said his goodbyes and leaned against the door, eyes closed.

"Bella, please tell me Edward isn't some serial killer or rapist."

"Of course not, Dad!" I huffed and dug around to find my shoes.

"Where are you going?"

I shoved my feet in quickly and grabbed my keys.

"I'm going over to see if Edward is okay," I replied.

"Bella," he said, the cop coming out. I turned on him to stare him down.

He looked worried.

"Dad, he's a good guy," I said. "He was abused and I seriously doubt that woman got charged. How about you look into that, instead of judging him based on Creepy Dr. Cullen. I told you how weird Dr. Cullen was. Edward deserves people on his side."

"Bells, I just can't see Dr. Cullen lying about something like that," he argued and followed me towards my truck. "He's a doctor."

"So was Hannibal Lecter."

He groaned and shook his head at me holding my door closed for a moment.

"Bells, what if he is right? You only just met this boy."

"You are friends with Mrs. Cullen," I replied. "Ask her. She was the only one that seems to care about Edward. Dad, please just trust me on this. Believe me, if he was some freak, he had plenty of opportunity to take advantage of me."

"What does that mean?" he asked warily.

I huffed at how easily I could open up to Charlie.

"It means he's been a gentleman when he could have been like his pervert brother," I shot back.

He watched as I slid into my truck and started the engine.

"I don't want you to stay there too long, Bells," he warned.

"Please don't be another person that makes him out to be bad, Dad," I pleaded. "I'll be home as soon as I can. I just want to make sure he's okay."

I pulled out, pushing my old truck to the limit to get to the Cullen home on the other side of town. I couldn't stop thinking about what Dr. Cullen had said. He all but admitted that he didn't believe Edward.

What kind of parents turned their backs on their child?

Even if Edward was adopted, he deserved parents to look after him.

I had parents that were divorced, and still my parents cared about me more than themselves.

I had no idea just how much support Edward really had.

But I was pissed that Dr. Cullen would even think to come and tell Charlie about Edward's past. Wasn't that a breach of doctor and patient confidence?

Everything about this made me mad beyond measure.

So much so that when I pulled up to the Cullens, I had to sit back and breathe deeply to contain my anger.

I hoped I didn't have to deal with anyone like Emmett when I knocked.

So when I knocked on the door, I was relieved for a moment when I saw it was Mrs. Cullen.

That relief died when I saw that she had been crying.

"Hello, Bella," she said, offering me a watery smile.

"I need to see Edward," I replied, short on introductions.

She nodded and motioned me inside, closing the door quietly behind me.

"He hasn't come out of his room since last night," she said, directing me towards the stairs.

I looked back at her and could feel the anger bubbling up again.

"What did he say to Edward? And how did he think coming to my house to tell my dad about him would help?" I said, quiet so that only she could hear.

Mrs. Cullen's eyes widened in shock.

"I didn't know Carlisle would do that! I am so sorry," she said and reached for me.

I shook my head and took a step up to avoid her.

"I'm here for Edward, Mrs. Cullen. I don't want to be rude and argue about how Edward needed someone to do this for him when that woman did what she did," I replied and started up the stairs.

"Did Edward tell you what happened?" she asked as she followed me up the stairs.

"Yes," I replied simply.

"Everything?"

I stopped at the top of the first landing and turned on her.

"Does it matter?" I asked. "He needs someone to believe him and trust him. What did his dad do to him?"

Mrs. Cullen looked away and I could tell she was crying again.

"He should have never treated him," she whispered.

"He had a good day yesterday, Mrs. Cullen," I said sadly. "Whatever made him upset happened here after he came home."

"You are absolutely right," she whispered. She swallowed and pointed up towards the next floor. "He won't answer for me. Maybe he will for you. He trusts you."

I left her on the landing of the third floor, walking to the end of the hall to the closed door.

"Edward?" I called as I knocked. I could hear movement on the other side, relief spreading out through my body.

I knocked again, hoping he would open it quickly.

It was too awkward to be standing there outside his door with his mother watching me from the end of the hall. I was about to knock again when the door cracked open, revealing a dishevelled and half naked Edward.

"Can I come in?" I asked quietly.

He glanced past me and frowned.

"Did someone call you?" he asked, his voice rough like he had just woken up.

"No," I replied. "Can I please come in?"

He stepped behind the door and opened it wide enough so that I could slide in, closing it as soon as I cleared it. I didn't give him any time before I was pulling him close, wrapping my arms around him to hold him tight. His body enfolded around mine, his lips moving to find my jaw, trailing along it until his nose was buried in my hair.

I felt him moving us into his room, but I didn't care where he might be moving.

I could feel the intensity of his need to hold me in his strong arms.

I felt his bed against my back as we fell into it, his body pulling away slightly so that I could finally see him. He was in just his sleep pants, his hair a mess and dark circles under his eyes. The stubble on his face was thicker than I had ever seen.

"Hi," I whispered, looking up into his dark eyes.

"Hi," he murmured, his fingertips tracing over my cheeks.

I pulled him back down over me, feeling him sigh as he nestled in against me.

It didn't matter what happened outside his room.

Whether his mother would worry over me in his room, or that his dad would arrive home to find me here.

This is what mattered.

This was what was good and right.

This is what we needed.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: sigh... what a great girlfriend…and… she's in his bedroom… oh yeah.**

**Thanks a million for all the love and pimpage! You guys are the best! **

**More tomorrow! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	35. Chapter 35

**Happy Monday! So what could possibly happen in Edward's room?**

**THIS IS A CARLISLE FREE CHAPTER- *snicker* you guys kill me with your comments on killing off Carlisle… heeheheehee**

**A Girl Like You- Edwyn Collins**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 35:** **I put my hand over hers to keep it there.**

**EPOV**

I eased myself against her, feeling her body line up with mine so easily, like it was perfectly matched to mine.

All the anger and fatigue melted away as her fingers trailed through my hair, her soothing noises putting me at ease.

My fingers itched to trace every inch of her, but just having her here was enough.

She was here, of her own accord.

She had come to see me.

She was in my room.

She was in my bed.

I blinked and stiffened against her.

In every sense of the word.

"You're in my bed," I stated, a little shocked.

She smiled up at me and chuckled.

"You're the one who pulled me over here," she teased, letting her fingers continue to twirl the hair at the base of my neck.

I swallowed and remained frozen there. My body was pressed close to hers, one of her thighs cradling me a little closer to the heat of her. I think I twitched at the thought of how close she was. Her fingers stilled in my hair, drawing my focus back to her face.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, her voice suddenly unsure.

"No," I rushed out, panic setting in. I gripped her firmly around her hips, holding her to me.

I couldn't lose this. Not ever.

She was here. She was making me feel better. Just by being here.

She wasn't afraid.

Shouldn't she be?

She seemed so relaxed beneath me, regardless of my body's blatant show of excitement.

Was she excited too or just being polite? When was she going to bolt?

I felt her hands framing my jaw. I focused on her again instead of the fears in my head.

She looked serious now. The playfulness in her eyes was gone.

"Don't wig out on me, Edward," she said. "This right here is important."

"What's that?" I asked, fighting for some clarity in my head.

Her _right here_ and my _right here_ could be totally different things and right now I was only thinking of the throbbing in between my legs.

"You, and me," she replied, her fingertips making me shiver when they traced down my neck. "I don't care about anything else but you and me right now."

She let her hands slide slowly down my bare back, and it was then that I realized I was in only my sleep pants, not even any boxers. And she was discreetly eyeing my chest.

I know I twitched that time because her hips moved against me.

"This is a bad idea, Bella," I said, groaning when I felt her thigh tighten on my hip.

"We're not going to have sex with your mother hovering in the hallway," she replied calmly, her hands still wandering over my back. "But you need this."

I closed my eyes and simply felt her against me, warm like a blanket, soft and sweet smelling as I dipped my head down to her neck, kissing the heartbeat there. Her arms wrapped tighter around me, pulling my body against hers until I thought I would suffocate her. I rolled us onto our sides, keeping her close, and traced her neck with my fingertips.

Why was she here? How did she know I needed this, desperately?

"Why did you come over?" I asked, watching my fingers move and delighting in seeing her skin prickle at my touch along her collarbone.

"I needed to be sure you were okay," she replied, whisper soft. "You didn't answer your phone."

I thought about my phone and realized I had turned it off sometime last night to keep from calling her in the middle of the night. I sighed and pulled away, closing my eyes at my idiocy.

I had made her worry. Over me.

_She worried about me. _

Which normally would make me smile, except I was exhausted and feeling conflicted with her here now. Would she get in trouble? Would Carlisle find out and be even angrier?

"Hey," she murmured and sat up, straddling me over my thighs, so close but so far. "It's okay. I just wanted to see you. I missed your smile."

I opened my eyes to see her smiling down at me, the sunlight framing her beautifully.

She was like an angel in my bed.

I couldn't help but smile for her.

Because she wanted it.

"That's better," she whispered and laid a hand on my chest, making my breath catch at her hot hand on my bare skin. She made to move it away, perhaps sensing that it was a temptation to go further for me.

I put my hand over hers to keep it there.

The soft blush in her cheeks deepened, I wanted so much to kiss it and see if it tasted good. I sat up slowly, letting my hands trace up her arms. My lips trailed over her cheek, closing in on her lips.

"Your heart is beating so fast," she whispered and pressed her hand a little more firmly against my chest, pushing me down onto my back.

She slowly moved her hand across my skin, her eyes watching mine as I lay there under her, breathing hard. I was praying she had the courage to go further.

_Down. _

Something we shouldn't do, but she was always the distraction.

And my body was completely distracted by her touch, and needy for something more than I could give it.

"Is this all right?"

I could only nod, my mouth was dry.

_Down. Down. Down._

"You look tired," she continued, her fingertips moving up instead of down.

She traced under my eyes, the pads of her fingers scraping along my stubble.

"I was awake, thinking," I replied hoarsely.

I wanted to pull her higher up on top of me. Even if it meant poking her with my damn erection. I knew she knew it was there, because of her.

Just a couple inches up.

_Mom was outside the door. _

_Had to behave_.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked and leaned in close to brush her nose along my jaw, trapping me against her soft stomach.

Sweet agony.

"You."

"I know _tha_t," she replied, chuckling. "What_ about_ _me_?"

I swallowed, suddenly sober.

"That I can't lose you," I whispered, feeling the panic sink in over the night's argument and thoughts once more.

She sat up and looked down at me, frowning hard.

"That's not going to happen," she said, her voice suddenly very strong and sure. "No one is going to keep us apart."

She said it so emphatically; I could believe her while we lay in my bed.

But when we stepped out into the world, I knew Carlisle would have something to say.

"Carlisle," I started but she silenced me with her hand on my mouth.

"Carlisle isn't going to do shit, Edward. He can't force me to stay away. I promise," she proclaimed.

I kissed her hand gently, reaching around her so that I could pull her down and roll us so that I hovered over her. Trailing my hands through her hair that had spilled all over my pillows, I hoped that they smelled like her after she was gone.

Not gone, just gone home.

Because she had promised.

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"What?" she asked, smiling timidly.

"Make everything better with your determination?"

Her smile widened and her hands slipped down my chest to my waist, holding me gently.

"Because I know what I want, and I refuse to let anyone ruin that for me."

If I wasn't already hard for her before, I would be at her words. She was so determined to be mine. And that made me want her so much more.

And having her here, underneath me in my bed, with my mom in the house was absolute torture.

Because I wanted her, and judging by the look in her eyes and the feel of her hands as they slipped around towards my ass, she wanted me too.

I pushed against her at her hands prompting, and I watched as her eyes fluttered and closed, a quiet moan escaping her lips. She was pinned under me, wrapping her leg over my thigh and pulling me closer, feeling the heat of her against my aching cock.

Would she be disgusted if I got off from just dry humping her?

Because I was a few seconds from blast off.

"Bella," I croaked and wrapped my hands under her, pressing her breasts up into my chest as she adjusted her hips against me and dug her nails into my ass, convincing me that she really wouldn't mind.

She was breathing fast, biting on her lip to keep from crying out as she craned her body up into mine.

Fuck she was going to make me come.

"Bella, we need to stop," I hissed, feeling the tightening in my balls that told me any second I was done for.

She groaned and opened her eyes to me, her hips hard pressed to mine, but still. She blinked, her bottom lip slowly slipping from her teeth as her eyes turned from lusty to concerned. Her hands slipped away from my ass, back up to my hair and cheek.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away," she murmured. "You just feel really good. I didn't mean to push."

She let me untangle myself from her legs, and I slumped into the bed beside her, drawing the blankets over the proud tent in my pants. I desperately needed to go hide in the shower for an hour.

"It's not that I don't want to," I sighed, taking a deep breath to calm down. "But we're not alone, and I won't be able to stop until I'm a mess all over you."

Her bashful smile reappeared and she slipped in close to my side, although I noticed she kept her thigh safely off of me.

"Probably not the best thing for your mom to see when I walk out of here, true," she admitted, smirking.

"Not that she doesn't probably assume I am having my way with you right now," I said, and hated that I could hear the bitterness in my own voice.

Bella was frowning again.

"Not that she thinks you are easy or anything," I amended, worried I had offended her.

She shook her head and looked down, sad.

"She should trust that you have respect for me and that not everything is about having sex with you," she whispered.

"It's a lot more difficult for me," I murmured. "Most everything is about sex with me."

She looked thoughtful as she lay there beside me, one of her hands playing in my hair on my chest. She really had no idea how that was keeping me hard and wanting.

There was hair on my stomach too.

And below.

Why did I stop grinding against her again?

I really needed to think about other things.

"Do they both think this is a bad idea?" she asked out of the blue.

"Who, my parents?" I asked, a little confused.

She nodded.

I sighed and shrugged, taking her hand in mine to still the distraction.

"Carlisle does, but I thought Esme wanted me to have this," I replied, thinking. "Maybe that's why she hasn't come knocking."

"She's upset," Bella said and looked up. "Was it bad when you came home last night?"

I shifted beside her and moved to sit up. We finally got to the difficult discussion.

And what had kept me up half the night.

"Carlisle told me I wasn't to see you anymore. He was pretty insistent. Esme, she just cried," I said, unsure of why she was so upset, even still.

I supposed I was creating a wedge between the two of them. It hadn't been the same between the two of them since before we left Alaska. When she started back to work, really. But with the business with Tanya, they had become much cooler towards one another.

"I suppose I haven't made their life very easy," I muttered.

I felt Bella sit up beside me, her chin on my shoulder and her arms holding me loosely.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Edward. It's a parents' responsibility to protect their kids. I think she is feeling guilty, maybe," she suggested.

"She found out more last night, I think," I conceded. "She didn't know how long Tanya and I had been together."

I felt Bella stiffen behind me and I touched her arms that lay across my chest.

"I'm sorry, I should stop talking about her. She's not important," I said, turning to look at her.

"She messed with you, Edward. I get that it will be some time before you can forget about her. But if we can stop talking about her, that would be nice. She's not a healthy reminder for you," she replied, and I could hear the anger in her voice.

I turned in her arms and pushed her back down into the blankets, leaning in to kiss her.

"I won't talk about her anymore," I whispered and let my lips brush across hers, light and simple.

"To me," she clarified. "But I think you need to discuss it with your mom. She needs to understand. She needs to deal with it as a mother should."

I nodded against her shoulder and felt her adjust under me again, easily distracting me from the conversation. I groaned and allowed myself to press up against her again, just to feel her.

And hear her soft moan.

"You're going to kill me," I growled near her ear.

She giggled under me, which did nothing to help me pull away. Her entire body vibrated when she giggled.

"I was going to say the same thing," she said playfully.

"I really need to get up and take a shower," I groaned and moved to get up.

"Are you going to think about me while you're in there?" she asked coyly.

"More than likely," I shot back. She really had no idea.

She grinned and sat back on her elbows.

Did she know that by doing that she was showing off her pert breasts?

"Do you think a lot about me like that?" she asked so innocently I swear that she was playing me.

It was making me even more desperate to go jack off in the shower.

I sighed and tugged at my hair.

"All the time, Bella," I admitted and shook my head. "You really are going to kill me."

"All the time?" she asked, sitting up a little. "Like every time you… you know…. Or just all the time?"

"Bella, if you keep this up, I'm going to have to explain a number of things to Esme. First and foremost why you were up here crying out my name, and why my laundry pile is suddenly bigger after you came, literally," I shot back at her.

"Eww!" she said, giggling and fell back onto the bed before sitting back up suddenly, looking at the sheets warily.

"Relax, they're clean," I grumbled and got up out of bed.

"Is it all right that I like that you think about me when you do?" she asked.

I looked back at her and she was licking her bottom lip.

Fuck me.

"I really need to get in the shower now," I replied hoarsely.

She stood and stepped in close to me, my hands automatically moving to cover myself so I didn't poke a hole in her as she pressed her body close. She tiptoed and kissed me on the cheek, sighing softly as she stepped back, eyeing me.

"Just so you know, I think about you too, that way," she whispered.

She turned towards the door and looked back at me before she opened the door.

"I know you want to go slow," she said. "But I think it might help both of us if we maybe took a tiny step forward. Because while you get to go in there and get off, I'm going to be hot and bothered until I get home tonight."

And with that, she slipped out of my room, leaving me standing there.

Hornier than ever.

My release in the shower never felt so good, but all along I was reminded that I would need to help Bella out with her frustration.

Lend her a hand, so to speak.

Maybe we could convince Esme to go to town for a little while.

That idea had possibilities.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I know, you all hoped for a little tug and pull, maybe a little exploration… I think they did well, given their self imposed good behaviour. But Bella has it right… they need a little jump forward… Or poor Edward will be exploding at her first touch…**

**More tomorrow!**

**Hope you enjoyed this little bit of happy. I'll try to blast past the continued Dr. Creepy so we can get to the good stuff.**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	36. Chapter 36

**Morning! Or afternoon… **

**I hope this gives you some answers. These next couple of chapters should help with all the theories and questions. **

**Ones that keep coming up: Both Bella and Edward are 18. Edward was 17 when he and Tanya fooled around. No, there was no penetration… meaning Edward is still technically a virgin… and the age of consent in Alaska is 16 (don't get me started on that… gross)**

**Wordy ass chapter, long ass AN's… coming up… and not really edited… 3k chapter each day is hard! lol**

**Safe From Harm- Massive Attack**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 36: Who says June Cleaver is normal?**

**BPOV**

I took a minute just outside of Edward's bedroom to tidy up what was sure to be a wild mane on my head, and to get my breathing back in order.

It was so very wrong to tempt him like that.

I knew it.

He knew it.

But it empowered him.

And well, it felt amazing.

He felt amazing.

_It_ felt amazing.

Dear god I was trying not to be a perv but the feeling of him hard against me made me just want to walk back in there and take a shower with him so I could soap him up.

_And down. And up…_

And his chest. And back. I tried so hard to remain the good girl because he needed the affection, but opening the door in just his sleep pants, and then taking me to his bed.

What was a girl to do?

Was it wrong that I wanted to go on a treasure hunt down the long trail of his stomach?

Everything about him was a temptation and my body hummed with the thrill of feeling him.

I was not helping myself to calm down standing outside of his bedroom.

One last cleansing breath, and I was heading back downstairs. I had no idea what I would do while Edward showered, but I figured it would look better for him if I was downstairs instead of naked in his bed like I wanted to be. Everything about his situation said we needed to act respectable.

I was stepping off the last stair when I saw Mrs. Cullen come out of the kitchen, her eyes hopeful. When she saw I was alone, her face drooped.

"He said he wanted to take a shower before he came down," I said, and then blushed at the implication that posed. "He kind of smelled."

Brilliant.

Tell her you sniffed him. Over and over again.

"Not that he stinks, or anything. He just wanted to be fresh…"

_Close. Mouth._

"He's okay?" she asked, oblivious to my babbling.

I let out my breath again, willing myself not to be blunt with his mother. I hardly knew her.

"Explain okay?" I asked instead.

Because Edward was far from okay.

She glanced up towards the stairs and then motioned me to follow her back into the kitchen. When I stepped in, I paused at the view before me. There were several pies cooling on the breakfast island, and I could see a few loaf pans on the counter. From the smell of it, she was now making a roast.

I felt my heart throb a little for her.

She was a lot like me.

Or I was a lot like her.

Whichever, we cooked when we were upset.

And she had outdone me by leaps and bounds.

"I made cinnamon cake this morning," I said, trying to offer her a way to open up to me.

"You like to bake?" she asked, her tired face softening a bit.

I nodded and slipped into a seat by the pies. She offered me a bottle of water and stood on the other side of the island, smiling sadly.

"Edward would love that," she said softly. "It was something his mother did."

"Did you do it to make him happy, like the hugging?" I asked, watching her reaction carefully.

She looked up from the counter, assessing me curiously.

"Edward's told you a lot, hasn't he?"

"He had a sort of breakthrough I think yesterday," I replied. "At least, before he came home."

I meant to stab that little bit at her. Because whatever happened the night before, he should have had at least Esme in his corner. She looked away again, shame clear on her face. She turned and busied herself with the roast while she talked, successfully ignoring my reaction to what she had to say.

"I'm ashamed of how I acted last night," she started, glancing back for only a second before continuing.

"Carlisle has told me only a little of what happened with Edward while we were in Alaska, in fear partly of me having an extreme reaction to it, I'm sure. But I had an inkling about what was going on," she said.

I felt the heat rise in my face from my anger.

"That woman is at fault, regardless. She was older. He was a _victim_. He needed protection and support, not accusations," I said, trying to remain calm.

Esme visibly shivered at my words.

"I never wanted that for my boys. It's my fault," she said, her back facing me.

I couldn't agree more, but I remained silent. I had an idea that she meant something more than simple parental stupidity.

"I knew what she was. What she liked," she continued. "But Carlisle assured me she was not a threat. She was family. And there are of course rules. Not that I ever fully understood that."

I remained quiet. I didn't understand what she meant, but I was hoping she would explain.

She looked back at me to see if I was still listening.

I nodded and she swallowed, turning to lean against the counter. She let out a long breath and a look of resolution crossed her face.

"I need to tell you a few things about this family. Things that may answer a few concerns you have. They aren't good. But I don't want you to hold it against Edward," she said, staring me down. "He doesn't know. But given Carlisle's actions this morning, you need to understand."

I mentally braced myself for the worst and nodded for her to continue.

Ideas about serial killers came to mind briefly.

Don't you know you're supposed to go with your first instinct?

Would my dad come looking for me only to find Mrs. Cullen cooking a new roast?

I pushed those frightening thoughts out of my head to listen to her as she spoke.

"Carlisle and I met at a mixer of sorts. I was with…someone else. As was he," she said watching me intently. "I was in college, away from my family for the first time. You do a lot of crazy things in college. At least, that's what I was made to believe."

When I didn't speak, she continued.

"The guy I met there was older. And a lot more experienced than I was. He liked things a _certain_ way," she said, her tone a little strained.

"A certain way?" I pressed, not understanding.

"Yes," she replied, staring at me hard. "He liked to be in control, amongst _other _things."

I didn't understand really, but I nodded anyway.

"I didn't see Carlisle again until about six months later, in the ER," she said and closed her eyes for a moment, as if gathering her courage.

"He hurt you," I stated. Her eyes opened wide. "The guy you were with."

She swallowed and then nodded.

"He never fully explained everything he liked. And I was too ignorant to understand what he was," she continued. "But it wasn't what I wanted, not that way. He was more extreme than most, and I panicked. There's rules, but I didn't really understand them."

I shifted in my chair uncomfortably. I was beginning to piece things together. This was a lot more than how Edward described simple spanking and tying up.

"I spent a couple of weeks in the hospital, and Carlisle came to visit me every day," she said, smiling softly. "It was a little surreal, having him there, knowing that he knew how I was hurt. But he was kind, and nothing like what I thought he'd be like. He didn't seem like the kind of man you meet at those mixers I had seen him at. But we all keep that buried deep I suppose."

I shook my head and put my hand up.

"How does that woman in Alaska fit in," I said, not wanting to know the kinky perverted things Edward's parents did behind closed doors.

I was feeling ill for him, actually. Did he even know, at least an inkling?

Was that what that woman had been into?

Was it hereditary?

Esme noticed my discomfort and cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You have to understand I never went back to that lifestyle after that," she said. "My boys were too important to me."

"What about the woman in Alaska?" I asked again.

"Tanya is Carlisle's older brother's step child."

I could hear the venom in Mrs. Cullen's voice in speaking about Tanya. I wondered if she had always disliked Tanya.

"After we adopted Emmett, we made the choice to simplify things, so we moved back to where Carlisle's family was from, outside of Anchorage. I knew that Carlisle was doing it for me, and for the boys. I wanted our boys to grow up somewhere safe. And Chicago had too many memories for me. It wasn't long before I found myself working again, feeling better about myself. But Carlisle was not as happy there. He had given up a lot for us. Anchorage doesn't have a thriving scene, you see. I was never secure enough to give him what he wanted. What we both turned away from."

I felt a cold feeling in my gut start to spread.

"So what about Tanya?" I asked again, worried when Mrs. Cullen wiped at the counter a little more vigorously.

"She was a lot more secure apparently."

I stood and put my hands up.

"Okay, I've heard enough," I said loudly.

I wanted to go back upstairs and pack Edward a bag and take him with me.

I wanted to run Dr. Cullen over with my truck.

I wanted to yell at Mrs. Cullen for not standing up for Edward.

I wanted to drive all the way to Alaska and bitch slap this Tanya.

It was all making sense now, in a sick and twisted kinky Twilight Zone sort of way.

I had a boyfriend that had some sick Master for a father that had messed around with a woman that later latched onto Edward for all sorts of kinky activities.

Was that why Dr. Cullen was so judgemental over Edward? Had that Tanya chick dumped him for his son? Or was she doing both of them?

And now Edward was being punished?

I didn't even want to think about the weird way his dad looked at me.

I felt the bile rising in my stomach.

This family was all kinds of fucked up.

"I forgave Carlisle for what he did with her," she continued, as if she hadn't heard me. "I didn't know the extent of what had happened with Edward. Not until last night. Carlisle made it out to be Edward all this time. I didn't understand, because I was too wound up in my own that she would go from my husband to then prey my son, it was too much last night"

"Edward needed parents to protect him," I said, pacing back and forth. "Instead he came home and gets the third degree? How is that supposed to help him?"

"I thought Carlisle was helping Edward when we moved here, getting him out of that extreme part of the lifestyle. But then he told me Edward had compulsions, that was why he was with Tanya in the first place. I didn't realize he might be misdiagnosing him until you came over, and I saw how he acted towards you. He isn't what Carlisle said," she replied.

"Of course he isn't," I said, as if it were obvious. "He just needs parents that will support him. Mrs. Cullen, he was manipulated. All he needs is someone to believe him and support him. He's not getting that."

She looked away as if ashamed.

"I should have known Tanya was completely at fault. I was so mad," she muttered. "Carlisle said he took care of it, that he'd help Edward."

"Coming to my house and telling my dad that Edward is sick is not helping him," I retorted.

"That is inexcusable," she replied, regret clear in her eyes.

"Edward can't heal if he's going to come home and have his dad accusing him of things that he isn't," I said.

She shook her head and stood a little taller.

"No, he needs the home I promised him when he came to me as a little boy. I've stood by and hoped that things would change. They've only gotten worse. I can't let that happen, I know. After last night, I know I have to fix things," she said and wiped her hands, as if wiping away all the wrong this house had done to them.

"He was really doing better yesterday, Mrs. Cullen," I said. "Please, you need to help him."

She nodded and let out another stuttered breath.

"I promise, Bella. I see the little boy I rescued every time that he's with you. You definitely have made me see that things need to change. I can't even begin to understand why my husband went to your house today. That goes beyond all confidences Edward may have had. I won't let that happen anymore," she replied, the determination growing in her face.

I hoped she was pledging to make it right. Aside from getting Edward to a safe place outside, I had no idea how he'd manage without someone there in his home to back him up.

"I'll make sure he has a safe home again," she whispered and brushed my shoulder gently. "You just keep making him feel like a normal boy."

It was a weird comment, but I took it as her accepting me into Edward's life.

We heard the door open, both of us turning to see Edward standing there warily, freshly showered. His hair was still damp and he was in my favorite tight jeans and tattered t-shirt.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking from me to her suspiciously.

Mrs. Cullen smiled and walked over towards him, giving him a tight hug. I watched Edward hesitate before reaching around to hug her back, his eyes flitting to me as he did so.

Did he suspect what we were talking about?

"We were talking about girl stuff, honey. Nothing to worry about," she was saying. "Did you know that Bella bakes?"

He pulled away and tried to hide his smile.

"I know," he said, winking at me when she wasn't looking. "I've had her cookies."

I swallowed and shook my head, moving towards him.

"We should go work on our homework," I suggested. "We're behind on our assignment."

Mrs. Cullen smiled and pulled me in for a hug, quickly letting me go when she felt me tense.

"Thanks for looking after my Edward," she said, loud enough to make Edward blush and me feel even more uncomfortable.

"Your welcome, Mrs. Cullen," I replied.

"Please, call me Esme," she said as we started to make our way out.

I nodded and let Edward take me to the living room, glad to be out of the kitchen with her.

This family was entirely too screwed up.

"Are you all right?" he asked, pulling me down to sit next to him.

I smiled and nodded.

"I still don't know how you are the normal one," I replied, his eyebrows rose in surprise.

"You still think that after you saw just how June Cleaver my mom is?"

I shook my head and laughed.

"Who says June Cleaver is normal?" I shot back.

He grinned and leaned in to kiss me sweetly on the mouth.

"I think you're pretty normal," he whispered and kissed me a little more deeply.

We were never going to get anything done like this. I wondered if anyone would notice if we disappeared upstairs again.

He drew away slowly, licking his lips.

"We should get this homework done so we can move on to something else," he whispered, smirking.

"Like what?" I asked, playing along.

"Like taking a step…"

He was leaning in when the door opened and in lumbered Emmett.

"Hey! Looky who's here!" he exclaimed, flopping down into the chair beside us.

"Emmett, we're trying to work on our homework," Edward said, his tone menacing.

Emmett grinned and looked around.

"So where's the homework?" he replied. "Or is this more biology?"

"Fuck off, Emmett," Edward growled and pulled me up with him, heading back towards the stairs

Emmett waved us off and settled into his chair, the TV turning on as soon as we were on the landing. I followed Edward back upstairs, his hand secure in mine.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked, looking back where we had come.

I mean, I wanted to hide in his room.

But I also knew his dad would be home any time.

"We just need to grab my bag, and Junior," he said, smiling.

"FC has been in your room this whole time?"

He nodded and picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before kneeling by his bed to pick up the bag of flour.

"Did you sleep with it?" I asked, clearly amused.

"It's actually documented that children with special needs require close attention. And I didn't want to forget him in the car again," he said, laughing. "Besides, I had a lot of work to catch up on while I wasn't sleeping."

He took my hand and led me back downstairs, past the living room and into the dining room, where we sat down in the same seats as we had that first night. Edward set FC up on the table in front of us. He pulled out the journal and our paperwork, smiling while he watched me thumb through the journal.

It was full of detailed logs. Not all of them really accurate, but what Mr. Banner didn't know wouldn't hurt.

"When did you do all this?" I asked, amazed.

He shrugged and seemed shy suddenly.

"I couldn't sleep last night, remember?"

I leaned in and kissed him on his newly shaven face. I rather liked the smooth feeling on my lips.

"So what do we have left to do then?" I asked.

He chuckled and shook his head.

"Not much," he said and paused to look over at the sack of flour. "Except maybe making this sack look more like a junior."

He pulled out a bag of markers and grinned when he found a color that looked a lot like his own hair color. He wiggled his eyebrows and pulled the sack closer to him. With an amused smile on his face, he scribbled a few wild lines along the top of the bag, making me laugh.

It looked a lot like the state of Edward's hair every day.

We spent a while decorating our flour child, trying to decide what color the eyes would be until Edward finally just drew on happy slits and put his sunglasses over them. He seemed to be coming back to the carefree person I had seen the day before, and that made me relax as we sat and talked and laughed over the ridiculousness of our child's cartoon face.

I saw movement by the door and caught sight of Esme peeking in to watch us. She smiled at me when she noticed me, and nodded, as if telling me everything was going to be better from now on.

I hoped she was right.

I could be there for Edward in every way I could, but at some point, I would have to come home and he would be left here with Dr. Cullen. Edward needed someone in his corner to stand up to the man.

It was up to her to make him safe.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: All right, a little more info on Alaska… yes, you'll have questions I am sure. Bella doesn't get it all either. But there'll be some pretty clear discussion in the next chapter… Dr. Creepy will be returning.**

**A brief on BDSM and variances that are touched on in this story….**

**Many of us have a very general view of BDSM (thank you other fan fic stories) that show both a realistic AND a grossly stunted view of that sexual genre. And because there are levels of preference (I mean that some like light bondage and maybe some "yes master" role play, or full on caning, whipping and public collaring) the genre of BDSM has a pretty wide scope. **

**There is also something called Sadistic Personality Disorder, that should not be confused with sadomasochism. SPD can have non sexual boundaries, but someone in the world of BDSM can have SPD tendancies- these are the dangerous folks that put BDSM in a very bad light. I won't go into specifics. Google it. Just know that Esme was in a BDSM relationship with someone who had SPD, where perhaps she would have been better suited to a spanker… make sense?**

**You'll learn what camp Dr. Creepy is in, although his treatment of Edward leans towards SPD traits… again- SPD is not always sexual.**

**Food for thought. **

**Until tomorrow. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	37. Chapter 37

**This is long. Sorry about the delay… had to finish it and work was just so darn busy today. I won't be updating Thursday, just so I can get the next one written. So enjoy the long chapter! **

**Oh… yeah… Dr. Creepy warning… NO FCs were harmed in the making of this chapter, but I killed a bunch of M & M's….**

**What Goes Around Comes Around- Justin Timberlake**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 37: "You have two options."**

**EPOV**

I can't say what it was about Bella that put me at ease.

Having her beside me as we sat and talked changed the atmosphere in my home like a light bulb being turned on. There was still the presence of the shadows around the edges, the fear of what would happen when Carlisle returned home, or the idea that when she went home, her light would go with her.

I wanted to bottle some and carry it with me, like a lantern to light my way.

So as I watched the clock, I felt the slow leeching of her light with each tick of the minute hand.

I didn't want her to be here when he got home. After the night before, it would only make things worse. Each time Esme peeked in to check on us, I tensed with the idea that she was coming to warn us.

Carlisle will be home soon.

Prepare.

Bella needs to leave.

Say goodbye.

"Edward?"

I looked up to see Bella watching me worriedly. I tried to smile, but I caught the movement by the door, seeing Esme there lingering.

"Are you all right? I'll stay if you want me to," Bella was saying.

Wait, she was really leaving?

I couldn't handle that.

I was just imagining, right?

"Esme, maybe I should stay," she said, looking over at my mom who was checking the time as well with a frown on her face.

"I think after everything that has happened, it's not the best idea, Bella, " Esme said.

"He can't bully me," Bella said and instinctively I reached for her hand.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered, and then swallowed. "But I don't want him to verbally attack you either."

Bella turned to me and scowled, her hand tightening around mine.

"He already tried. He doesn't scare me," she insisted.

"What do you mean he tried?" I asked, feeling the panic rise.

She leaned in and kissed me softly beside my lips, her fingertips brushing over my ear and down my neck, instantly offering a bit of calm.

"I didn't want you to be upset, Edward. It's nothing, okay?"

I pulled away from the serenity of her touch to look down at her, wanting an answer. She sighed and pulled away, frowning.

I didn't like to see her frown. Probably as much as she didn't like to see me upset.

"He came by the house this morning, to tell my dad that I shouldn't be allowed to see you," she said carefully, squeezing my hand a little harder, as if to control my reaction.

It was a little difficult to manage, even with her touch.

"He came over to your house?" I choked, anger and humilation roiling through me in waves.

"Please, Edward," she whispered, leaning in again to take my head in her hands. "He doesn't understand how tough the Swans are. We don't lie down just because someone tells us to."

"Does your dad know about me?" I asked, a new sort of panic rushing through me that the Chief of Police would want his daughter to be as far from the likes of me no matter what.

She shook her head.

"Charlie only knows that I trust you. He'll look out for you, if need be. That's the kind of man he is, Edward," she said.

It was so strange to see that much love and fierce devotion come from someone. Bella seemed to have it in abundance for anyone she cared for. It made my heart swell that she included me in her devotion.

She barely knew me, and yet she wanted to see me safe and happy.

"Bella, Edward. We really need to talk some things over tonight. It's best Bella went home," Esme said from the door. I could hear the pain in her voice.

Esme was just as nervous for Carlisle to come home.

Would it be wrong to just leave?

Leave and not come back?

Why did he have to make it so difficult, when I had found a little peace with Bella?

"I should go," Bella whispered.

I felt her fingers slipping from my neck, leaving me cold.

She was right, but it still terrified me.

She stood beside me, her fingers slipping over my shoulder as she addressed my mother.

"Thanks for letting me come over," she said simply, but her eyes seemed to be carrying an entire conversation with my mother.

I wondered what they really talked about.

Pies and cookies didn't make my mom look like she was readying for battle.

"You are welcome anytime, Bella. Thank you," Esme replied, the cryptic eye speak lingering until the phone in the kitchen started to ring. Esme glanced quickly towards me, and then the door.

"I'll walk you out," I murmured and walked quietly beside her as we made our way out to her old truck.

It was much darker outside, both physically and emotionally.

"It's going to be okay, Edward," she whispered when I pulled her in for another infusion of her warmth. "Will you call me if you need anything?"

I nodded into her neck, inhaling her scent and hoping it stayed on me after she left.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow?" I asked. I couldn't let her go just yet.

"I can't wait," she replied and slowly pulled away, kissing me softly before sliding into her seat.

I watched as she started the beast up, trying to smile when the truck slowly moved away. I stood there in the dark and watched her make her way down the long driveway, the red of her tail lights the only thing I could see at the road before those too disappeared, leaving me cold as I stood in the dark.

It wasn't until I saw headlights making their way back towards me up the driveway that I moved. I squinted at first, hoping maybe it was Bella, coming back. But it didn't sound like her truck. I took a step back, thinking perhaps it was Carlisle, but quickly I saw that the car was too small for it to be Carlisle's.

And it was yellow.

It pulled up into the space near where Bella had been and I had to wonder who was inside behind the tinted windows.

I didn't know anyone who drove a Porsche.

Carlisle was not a Porsche man, no matter what his ego.

I heard the door behind me open, and glancing back, I saw Esme stepping out and down the steps towards me.

"I thought we could use a hand tonight," she said and smiled as the car door opened.

I was about to ask what she meant when a familiar voice answered.

"You'll need all the help you can get, Esme."

I turned back around in surprise to find Dr. Alice Whitlock gracefully slipping out of the car. But as soon as the car door was closed, she moved quickly over towards us and took Esme's hand, a fierce look on her face.

"This was too long coming, Esme," she said, standing tall, even with her short stature.

Alice seemed to simply command a presence of authority as she stood there staring down my mom.

"I know," Esme agreed and glanced at me. "I need to make this right and get things in order again, for Edward and Emmett."

"What about Emmett and me?" I asked, confused.

Was this an intervention?

I thought Esme wanted Bella here?

Fuck, I had only jacked off twice today!

What the fuck?

Alice took my hand and drew my attention from the debate in my head.

"This isn't about you directly, Edward. I don't want you to think I am here because of you. I'm here because Esme asked me, and because we have to make this a safe place for you to feel comfortable," Alice explained.

I was completely lost now.

"What do you mean? Is this about what happened last night?" I asked, thinking now that maybe this was not so much about my issues, but perhaps about what had happened the night before.

Alice glanced back down the driveway and frowned.

"Let's go inside. I need to get us settled before he comes home," she said and motioned us inside.

"What's going on?" I asked as we stepped into the foyer.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Emmett chimed in from the living room.

"Emmett, turn off the TV and come into the dining room," Esme called. "Family meeting."

Immediately, I was nervous.

My therapist was here, and Esme was calling a family meeting.

The last thing I needed was for Emmett to know everything.

"I can't do this with him here," I said, pulling away from Esme.

She looked at me strangely and then nodded.

"Emmett needs to know about Carlisle and I, we're not going to be talking about you tonight," she said. "At least, not unless you want to talk."

I shook my head and glanced at Alice.

"He doesn't need to say anything," Alice agreed and squeezed my arm. "This isn't about your issues, Edward. This is about making this place a safe home."

Emmett glanced at me, his attitude suddenly very apprehensive as he took in the atmosphere. It was the first time I had ever really seen him behave seriously. I nodded and slipped into my seat, watching with my own sense of dread as everyone else settled around the table, Alice taking the head of the table usually reserved for Carlisle.

She placed her hands on top of the table, clasping them together in a very business like way. She was a different person than I was used to based on my one meeting with her just yesterday. I supposed I didn't really know her, but I felt more at ease with her than I had with even my own family. But now, she was a little intimidating.

Difficult to say about a woman that barely reached my chest.

But as she looked from one to the other of us, you could feel her intensity cut through the air like lightening.

Gone was the thoughtful and open minded demeanor. Now she was in charge.

The idea of that scared me a little.

Especially when she spoke.

"I need to make this clear so that all of you understand," she said, looking at all of us intently. "I am here to provide support to you in case things become heated or uncomfortable."

She turned to me and I felt myself flinch. Her eyes tightened, as if she were hurt by the reaction.

"You don't have to say anything, Edward. You need to hear what is to be said, but don't feel the need to answer any questions brought up, okay?" she asked, offering me a supportive nod and a smile.

I simply nodded, not knowing what else to do.

She turned then to Emmett.

"This may upset you Emmett, but its important that you let Esme and Carlisle have their say before you offer any comments, is that understood?" she asked.

"What is this about?" he asked, agitated.

"Emmett," Esme admonished and put her hand out to take his, comforting him. I felt an urge to reach out to take her other hand, the need to feel something overbearing. But I remained in my chair, hands gripping my thighs tensely.

Alice turned to Esme and stared her down the hardest. The power in her stare made it hard to breathe.

"Esme, remember what I said on the phone. It's one way or the other," she said. "I won't be able to help you if you cave. One or the other."

Esme nodded and was about to say something when we heard the garage door open and Carlisle's car pull in. Immediately the tension in the air intensified. Emmett looked around in bewilderment while Alice and Esme had one of those silent conversations all women seem capable of.

We heard Carlisle come in and call out, his voice clearly agitated.

More than anything now, I wanted to stand and run.

This was going to get ugly.

And still, I felt to blame somehow, regardless of what Esme and Alice said.

This was because of me.

"Whit," Carlisle said as he walked in, looking around at all of us warily. "What is this?"

Alice stood and offered him the chair, the look on her face proof enough that she was in charge. He looked from me to Esme before inclining his head to Alice and sitting in the chair, much as she had, hands clasped tightly before him. She took the seat beside Esme, effectively creating a buffer between the two.

"Is this an intervention?" he mused, his eyes showing the darkness that lingered there some nights after an argument.

Alice glanced towards Esme.

"I have been asked to mediate, Carlisle. I am here for everyone's benefit," Alice replied, the professional voice coming through.

He chuckled and look towards Esme.

"Very well," he said, his voice dangerously soft. "What's on your mind Esme?"

We all turned to watch as Esme sat up a little straighter and fought to speak.

Carlisle smiled and waited patiently. Almost like he was mocking her.

"This isn't working out the way you said it would," she finally said.

"How is that, exactly?" he asked, clearly entertained by her discomfort. It made me want to leap over the table and knock him out.

She glanced at Alice, who inclined her head in silent support.

Esme turned back to Carlisle, chin a little higher.

"This isn't that safe place you and I promised we would create for our boys," she said.

He glanced at me, frowning.

"It wasn't my fault we had to move to Forks."

I opened up my mouth to speak but Alice raised her hand to silence me.

"That's not what she means, Carlisle," she stated, nodding for Esme to continue.

Esme looked briefly at me before continuing.

"When we decided to adopt, we were going to change our lifestyle to protect our boys. They didn't deserve to have that stigma should someone find out," she said.

"Found out what?" Emmett interrupted, completely lost in the conversation. I was too though.

One look from Alice and he closed his mouth, letting Esme continue on.

"We need this house to be a sanctuary and it feels more like a prison because you have made it so," she said.

Carlisle's eyes narrowed.

"Now, now, Esme," he chided. "The whole part of an intervention is not to make the person feel like they are being attacked. You're supposed tell them how much you love them and how you want to see them healed."

"I want to see you healed, Carlisle," she repeated.

Everyone noticed she had omitted the first part.

He sat a little straighter and stared her down.

"So what are your conditions, Esme? What are we trying to solve? Edward's pain and distress at having to live in a home we have provided? Or something else?" he hissed.

I swallowed and opened my mouth again, wanting to intervene to defend Esme.

But the look in Alice's eyes kept me quiet.

"This has to do with my happiness, Carlisle. And my sons safety. You aren't a good role model for them now, not until you get help," Esme said, her voice cracking near the end.

"What sort of counselling?" he asked, incredulous. "I don't have a problem."

"You need to stop projecting your anger on our son, Carlisle," she said, her voice becoming more heated as she spoke. "He has become a victim in the worst way, and I will not have him badgered and abused anymore. I will not let my sons feel unsafe in their own house."

He scoffed and leaned back, pointing at Alice.

"She told you to say that," he said dismissively and turned to me. "This is because of you, you realize. All of this. If you hadn't spent your time thinking about getting in Tanya's pants, we'd still be in Anchorage, blissfully ignorant."

"No, we wouldn't," Esme exclaimed, standing up fast. "If you hadn't been screwing Tanya, if you hadn't gone back on your promise about your sexual needs, and if you hadn't debased Edward to the point of making him think he was a deviant, then we'd be having dinner right now instead of this argument!"

Emmett and I both sat there stunned.

Carlisle and Tanya?

Tanya had done those things to Tanya?

"You screwed…Tanya?" Emmett asked in a small voice, eyes wide. "You cheated? On Mom?"

Carlisle stood as well, pushing his chair back violently and ignoring both Emmett and me.

"You were never to say a thing about that!" he yelled, forcing Alice to stand as well, hands going between them.

"Sit down, both of you," she said, earning their shocked looks before they slowly sank back into their chairs.

Alice looked at all of us and fought hard to keep the anger off her face.

"This discussion is not a blame game. It is a means to find resolution and help," she said forcefully.

"Dad?" Emmett asked, still stunned. "Did you?"

Carlisle fingered the edge of the table, not looking at anyone.

"Your mother forgave me. It was something I needed," he muttered, his eyes flitting up to mine briefly. "Until your mother forbade me to see her and she found herself a _new _toy to play with."

His look was acidic as he glared at me.

I had been the new toy?

"That's why you were so mad?" I asked, stunned. "Not because of what I was doing but because you were jealous?"

He laughed darkly and shook his head.

"You're not so different from me really, Edward," he said, grinning. "But Esme can't see that. She wants you to be normal, but you'll never be."

"That's not true, Carlisle," Esme said angrily. "You will not poison Edward's mind anymore! You will not stay here as long as you say those things!"

He turned to her, surprised.

"Wait, what?"

"You can't stay here, Carlisle," she said, more sure of herself. "You need to leave until you can prove to me that you have us in your best intentions."

"You don't mean that," he scoffed.

"Yes, I do," she confirmed.

"I won't leave. This is my house," he said, starting to rise again.

Alice put her hand up and silenced him.

"Esme has the authority here, Carlisle. You know how it goes. And I am not afraid to call the police here, Carlisle and have them escort you out," Alice warned.

"No," I said loudly, panicking.

No way was I going to handle that humiliation with Chief Swan witness to my fucked up family.

Carlisle leered at me.

"No, we wouldn't want that," he said pointedly. "Wouldn't want your new little girlfriend to be embarrassed. Have you told her _everything_ about your issues, Edward?"

"You don't get to talk about her!" I seethed, ready to pounce.

He wouldn't fuck up my chances with Bella.

"Let's get back to how to resolve this," Alice interjected and looked fully at Carlisle, who was shaking his head in denial.

"There's nothing to discuss," he said.

"Well, Carlisle we can do this two ways," Alice said, taking control again.

He glared at her but remained quiet.

"You have two options, Carlisle," she stated. "One, you go into counselling, and you provide proof that you are willing to change. But you need to not stay here until you can prove to Esme that you are making progress."

"And the second?" he spat.

"I tell the medical board everything and you lose your licence, your well being and your family."

"You wouldn't do that," he said angrily.

"Yes, I can," she stated, a frightening smile on her face. "As a professional, Carlisle, I am obligated to report you regardless. But we have a history. And you have a family that cares. I am willing to treat you, and Esme and Edward. Even Emmett should he want it. And I am willing to take Esme's lead on whether this relationship is worth saving. Is this relationship worth saving?"

"That's up to Esme," he grunted.

"Yes, it is," Alice replied simply.

"Either way I need to leave my home," he said, more as a statement than a question.

"Yes."

He looked from Esme to me, and then to Emmett.

Emmett had been quiet for so long I had forgotten he was there.

"You cheated on Mom?" he asked again, his voice like a lost boy.

Carlisle remained silent.

It was quiet for a long moment.

No one moved.

And then Emmett stood up suddenly, towering over all of us.

"You cheated on Mom! Get the fuck out!" he screamed, slamming his hands down on the table enough to make it tip towards him.

"Emmett," Carlisle said, a pathetic plea to him.

"No!" he hollered and moved to stand behind Esme. "You betrayed us! You lied to us! You hurt us! You don't deserve to stay here! Get the fuck out! And don't ever come back!"

"Emmett," I said, standing so that I could move to stand beside him.

He looked at me and shook his head.

"He lied to us, Ed," he wailed. "He fucked you up, and he fucked around behind Mom's back! He doesn't deserve to have us in his life!"

I nodded and stood beside Emmett, both of us putting a steadying hand on Esme's shoulder.

Alice turned to Carlisle, both of them slowly rising from their seats.

"It's your choice what choice you make, Carlisle," she said calmly. "But it's their choice whether to accept you back."

He looked at us hard, saying nothing before striding out of the kitchen. We heard his car rev, heard the gravel outside as he pulled out quickly, and it wasn't until the silence followed that anyone moved. Alice sat back down and nodded for us to do so as well.

Emmett hugged Esme hard before sitting beside her, holding onto her as if she might disappear. I felt strangely detached, numb almost from what had just happened. I wasn't sure how to feel.

Esme had just stood up for all of us, and had willingly torn the family apart.

"You need to tell them what you feel comfortable with," Alice was saying to Esme, who was wiping at her cheeks, nodding.

Alice looked my way and held her hand out to me. I took it tentatively.

"We're going to fix this, in whatever way is best for all of you," she said quietly. "But I want you to understand that you are nothing like him. Nothing at all."

I nodded, afraid to argue.

I wasn't so sure.

Both of us had been with Tanya.

That had to mean something.

"Esme, do you want me to stay?" Alice asked.

"No, I can do this part,"Esme murmured.

Alice stood and gathered her things.

"It'll get better," she said to us. "You just have to be there for each other, okay?"

We all murmured our agreement and she turned to me.

"I'll see you on Saturday?" she asked gently.

"Of course," I responded automatically.

I needed to figure this out. I needed to know I truly was normal.

Alice said her goodbyes, leaving us with Esme, who pulled us closer, hands in hers, and relayed to us a story none of us wanted to hear, but needed to regardless.

She spoke quietly, about a life before us.

About a world of pleasure and pain. Control and submission.

About she and Carlisle choosing to live differently, to give us a chance.

She talked about how she found out about Carlisle and Tanya.

I was stunned to hear that Tanya had been the one to be controlled to Carlisle's dominant behaviour. I was her foray into dominating someone else.

Emmett looked at me thoughtfully as Esme relayed her life, and her fears about what had happened between Tanya and I. She cried when she begged me to forgive her for letting me down. I hugged her tighter and opened my mouth to relay what I had kept hidden for so long.

Except to Carlisle.

He knew it all.

And that scared me.

About how Tanya had offered me pleasure if I behaved.

At punishing me for not pleasing her.

For keeping me from having sex, because if I did, she'd tire of me. She wanted me left wanting. Starving.

It was quiet as we all sat there, absorbing our confessions.

Emmett slowly pulled away and let out a long breath.

"I've been screwing Rose in the gym bathroom for three months," he said, huffing in relief at his admission.

Well that explained why Bella thought he was a perverted ass.

"Don't do that any more, Em," I said, shaking my head. "She deserves better."

Esme looked up at us and pulled us closer.

"Don't treat them like objects boys," she whispered against our shoulders. "Cherish them like they are the most important parts of your life."

I knew this already.

I felt it in my heart that Bella belonged with me.

So as I laid in bed, in the silence of our house, I couldn't get comfortable.

I had been told that I was normal.

A heavy weight had been lifted from our home with Carlisle leaving.

I wasn't sure I could handle the feeling.

Something was missing.

I crawled out of bed, knowing what I needed.

I needed normal.

I needed honest and good.

I needed Bella.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: *sobbing in emotional PMS state* **

**No lie… I should never write while I am pmsing… JS… I cry at Folger's commercials. I'm a dork. lol**

**So this was super long. I'm going to take a little reprieve tomorrow. **

**I know… but I promise… the next chapter will be worth it… **

**Love to all of you… I'm going to go eat a pound of chocolate and watch a chick flick… cuz I'm emotional….**

**MWAH!**

**See you Friday! **

**steph**


	38. Chapter 38

**Sunday night at the Swan house… and…go!**

**Be Here Now- Ray La Montagne**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 38: I glanced. I peeked. I openly stared.**

**BPOV**

I sat in front of the house in my truck for a few minutes to pull my thoughts together.

I had so much to process, my chest hurt from the stress of it.

I had never felt so much over someone.

Ever.

Edward had worked is way into my heart, and I hurt right alongside him from the magnitude of the life surrounding him. Esme's words echoed in my head over and over again.

Her past.

Her pain.

Edward's father. His betrayal. Because it was, how he treated his son was a betrayal of the trust between father and child.

And Esme, who was afraid to rock the boat.

Did she really understand how much her sons depending on her making them safe in their own home?

I shook my head at the laughable view of Edward's safe home.

You could feel the oppression as soon as you walked into their home. I had no idea how Edward handled it.

I stood in front of Charlie's simple white house, letting my own feelings of this place wash over me. It might not have always been my home, but it was a place I could_ call_ home.

Safe.

Loved.

_Home. _

How very lucky I was.

I had two homes. Because no matter where Renee landed, she made it home.

Was it true what they said?

Home is where the heart is?

My heart was hurting again.

Because I had two, and Edward had none.

I hoped that Esme was taking a stand to offer him what he needed.

As much as I liked Edward, he needed a family that would support him too.

But I really doubted Charlie would ever agree to let Edward find sanctuary in our home.

Not without worrying about Edward finding sanctuary _in_ me. So to speak.

The curtain by the door to my house moved and I remembered I had a certain family member that would be wondering why I was standing outside in the light rain. I shuffled up the steps and opened the door to find Charlie there, waiting for me.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his eyes taking me in for injury or anything that seemed off.

I nodded and slipped past him towards the kitchen, hungry suddenly and not wanting to really talk. He followed behind me, quiet as he pulled out a beer and motioned to the pizza box on the table.

"I didn't want you to have to cook," he said dismissively. But I could tell he was trying to be gentle. He knew me pretty well.

"Thanks, Dad," I murmured and watched him nod and make his way back into the living room.

I grabbed a slice and a juice box and followed behind a few minutes later.

I rarely intruded on the _manroom._ It was Charlie's sanctuary.

But tonight, I needed my dad.

He paused in sipping his beer when he saw me come in, then set it down and raised his free arm, silently asking me to sit next to him. He seemed to know I needed his comfort.

I slid in close, letting him wrap his arm around me, tucking me in close.

We settled into quiet contemplation as the game played on the television, my mind drifting back to the Cullen house.

I had to wonder how Esme and Carlisle fell apart and why. And their sex life, something I really didn't want to think about, had to have some effect on Edward and Emmett.

I couldn't even think about my dad that way. And even though I had nights burned in my memory of Renee and whichever new love of her life stayed the night, I couldn't fathom my parents being into something like that.

Well, I couldn't imagine it at all.

What did partners like that do?

One ordered the other around? Who got off on that?

I didn't want to be anyone's slave.

I understood the tying up thing. And the blindfolding.

Hey, Charlie had Cinemax.

I tried to drive that thought out of my head. Because the thought of Charlie watching late night Cinemax was just gross.

My dad _didn't_ have a sex life.

I liked to think of him as neutered, if I was being honest.

Because if he didn't have a girlfriend and he still had those urges...

Now my head was full of awkward thoughts.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" he asked, startling me.

"The game is still in the third quarter," I said, pointing at the miserable score.

He sighed and finished off his beer.

"The Steelers have mopped us all over the field tonight. I don't need to watch every brutal play," he said, smiling wryly.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked, curious.

We never did movie night.

He scratched at his mustache as he eyed me thoughtfully. I could tell he was trying to make me feel better. He didn't want to ask what was wrong. I wouldn't know how to tell him anyway.

He shrugged and clicked on the movie guide.

"There's that backward _Love_ movie," he suggested. "It's supposed to be a good girl movie."

I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Is the _Punch_ movie on demand yet?" I asked, watching his eyes glimmer a little.

Charlie would never say no to a good action flick.

"You sure?" he asked, wary.

I nodded and took his beer from him.

"I don't really want sappy tonight," I said. "I'd like to just enjoy my night with my dad."

He cleared his throat and nodded, that awkward bit of pride crossing his face before he let me disappear into the kitchen to get us more drinks. Coming back, we settled in again, the fist flying on the screen while I relaxed with my dad. I tried to turn my brain off and simply let it reset, but it wouldn't let Edward go.

What was he doing right now?

Was he okay?

My phone had been quiet all night.

I hoped he was handling things all right.

Finding out about his parents past would really be a shock.

I wished I could be there.

But it wasn't something you invited your girlfriend to. If Edward knew that I knew as much as I did, he'd be embarrassed.

Maybe he was embarrassed and that's why he wasn't calling.

I'm sure he'd need to time to think.

Before I knew it, Charlie was yawning and the movie credits were rolling. I checked my phone, and still there was no call or text.

"I have to get up early, you heading to bed?" Charlie asked as he stood.

"I'm going to take a shower and then I'll go to bed," I replied, standing with him.

He stopped at the top of the stairs, wrapping his arm around me gently.

"You know I trust you, right? I know you'll always do the right thing," he murmured. "I'm proud of you, for what you did today."

"Thanks, Dad," I replied. "I learned just how lucky I am to have you for my dad."

He pretended to scoff at my compliment, but I could tell he was affected.

He grumbled a quick goodnight and closed his door to his bedroom, leaving me to step into the bathroom for a quick shower. The hot water always seemed to calm me down, and clear my head.

I needed that more than anything.

I scrubbed up with my bath soap, smiling at how Edward had delighted in how I smelled. He always liked burying his nose in my neck or my hair, inhaling deeply as if it were necessary to survive. Maybe it was.

I liked that I affected him like that.

Fully washed, I bundled up in a towel and slipped quickly into my room, the sound of Charlie snoring already coming from his room. I busied myself with pulling on some underwear and a tank top, contemplating my flannel pajama bottoms. It was a little chilly with the rain outside, so I pulled a pair out to slip on.

That's when I heard it.

A soft tapping.

Like an annoying branch at the window.

Charlie really needed to trim that damn tree.

I grumbled and went to the window, expecting to see the troublesome branch.

Instead I let out a squeak and covered my mouth when I saw dark green eyes staring back at me.

How the hell had Edward gotten up in my tree?

And more importantly, _why_ was Edward climbing up my tree?

I opened the window, reaching out to help him climb in, his shoes slipping on the window ledge until he tumbled over me onto the floor, both of us landing in a damp heap. We both froze at the noise, turning to the door. I prayed Charlie had slept through the noise.

When we were both quiet enough to hear him snoring still in the next room, Edward moved to climb off of me, his eyes raking down my body until he came to my underwear.

I hadn't had time to put on my pants yet.

He moved away more quickly, scrambling to stand and run his hands through his hair as he turned to the window, offering me a moment of privacy.

I wasn't having it of course.

"What happened? Are you okay? Why didn't you just call me? I would have let you in the door?" I asked, stepping up next to him to close the window so the rain didn't get in.

"Um," he stammered, looking back down at my bare legs.

He was uncomfortable seeing me half naked. I understood I guess. It had been unnerving to see him earlier in just his flannel bottoms.

Nice, but awkward.

And he was glancing sideways at me like I was a piece a double chocolate cake to be devoured by a diabetic.

"Sorry," I whispered and went back to my bed where I had left the pants, pulling them on with my back to him. I felt his hands slide up my arms, my breath coming faster when they wrapped around me drawing me close against him. His jacket was already dampening the back of my tank top.

"You're getting me wet," I breathed, although it was more of a moan.

"Fuck," he groaned and stepped away in a flash, leaving me swaying. "You can't say those things, Bella."

His voice was raw, and when I turned around, I saw he was shaking. The chocolate cake had turned into a juicy steak it seemed. Because he looked starving now.

I hadn't caught the innuendo I had whispered. He had stunted my brain tonight.

"I meant… You're wet," I whispered and took a step towards him. He swallowed and reached out with one hand, asking.

"I needed to see you," he replied quietly and took a tentative step toward me.

Reaching for his hand, I took it and pulled him a little closer, his breath fanning over my forehead as he breathed me in.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

He closed his eyes and leaned in closer, his nose brushing over my temple and down.

"No… yes," he said, his voice weak and barely a whisper. "I don't know."

His fingers were tracing along the strap of my tank top along the back of my shoulder blade, making me shiver.

But I wasn't cold, not in the least.

My own hands had worked their way to his chest, where I could feel his heart beating hard.

It was difficult trying to concentrate.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, a little dazed. He shook his head and pulled me tight against him, his mouth leaving soft kisses along my cheek before he found my mouth, capturing it in a warm rush that made my legs rubbery.

Edward held me against him while his mouth continued to explore mine, searching and bolder than he had ever been. His tongue touched against my lips, a little flick as if to ask to come in and make itself welcome.

My tongue was obviously looking for company because it decided on its own to venture out and welcome his in, tangling like some tongue Kama Sutra. I heard him moan and grasp at me tighter, his mouth opening up to let me explore with him.

I could feel the bed against my legs, his body pushing me back into it. He hovered over me, thighs pressed tight to mine, the feeling of him hardening against me making me gasp. I pulled my lips away long enough to breathe and looked up into his darkened eyes.

"I need to lock the door," I whispered hoarsely.

He seemed to awaken from whatever trance he had been in and he let out a long breath as I slid off the bed to quietly lock my door. His clothes had made my damp, and I knew he had to be cold in them as he lay there, gulping air into his longs as he lay on his back in my bed.

"Are you cold?" I asked, watching him as he scrubbed at his chest through the wet jacket.

He shook his head slightly and sat up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come in like this," he said, shifting to the edge of the bed, eyes closed and hands clenched in my bedspread.

I stepped in between his knees and brushed his hair back off his forehead, smiling when I heard him hum at my touch.

"It's okay," I whispered and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "I'm glad you're here with me."

His hands moved over my arms again, rubbing them as if to warm me.

"I made your clothes damp," he said and then chuckled, shaking his head.

"Yeah, it doesn't sound any better coming from you," I replied, happy to see the beginnings of his smile.

He tipped his head up, the deep green of his eyes drowning me as he took me in. His eyes still held that bit of worry, the hesitation I saw when he was unsure which way to go.

"I want to stay for a while," he whispered. "It feels too weird at my house. Is that okay?"

I nodded and moved to slide his coat off his shoulders, his breath stuttering when my hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders. He licked his lips, watching me as I pulled the coat off and tossed it over my desk chair. My hands returned, tracing over his shoulders and down his arms like he had done to me.

"Your shirt is a little damp," I whispered.

He shook his head, eyes intent on my chin.

"I don't think I have the strength to hold back, Bella."

"Whatever you want to do, it's okay. But you're cold. You have to get out of your wet clothes," I replied, and moved slowly to pull the covers back from my bed. "I can get in first, I promise not to look."

He stood and watched me as I crawled over the blankets to tuck my legs in under the warmth. I kicked my pants off as I shifted, wanting to be able to feel his legs next to mine. It would probably wear down his resolve, but it was a proven fact that bare skin to bare skin provided the best warmth.

He looked over to the door again, swallowing hard before he slipped his shoes off and rubbed his hands over the damp fabric of his jeans. I tried to keep my eyes from wandering, but when his hands went to those fabulous button flies, I couldn't help it.

I glanced.

Peeked.

Openly Stared.

His fingers paused on the second button.

"Sorry," I mumbled and pulled the covers up over my head.

His nervous laugh made me look out over the covers again.

"You don't have to be sorry. I am just wondering how you can break down a days worth of worry with just being near me," he said, standing there with his hands on his button flies, watching me with a small smile.

I chewed on my thumb and offered him a timid smile.

"I don't know. I'm you're ray of sunshine?" I joked lamely. I was nervous.

The boy I wanted to take my virginity was stripping in my bedroom.

He stood there, frozen and watching me as if in a faraway trance.

"You're definitely that," he whispered, the smile turning a little sad.

My heart hurt again.

"Come here," I whispered and patted the bed beside me, trying to spur him on.

I really wanted him to finish those last two buttons and get in bed with me.

Edward let out another breath and pulled his jeans down, kicking out of them and standing there in dark boxers. He fingered his shirt again, as if contemplating.

"You're wasting good snuggle time," I teased gently.

It was so difficult to go gently with him. I wanted so much, and I could tell he did too, but his eyes told a story that said he needed a quiet place.

A place with no monsters and no reminders.

He continued to watch me, and I realized I was staring again, although I didn't recall taking in his beauty. I was faraway myself, wishing for a safe place for him.

His safe place was here.

I slid down into the bed, turning so that my back was to him as I hugged at my pillow, offering him some privacy. I heard his jeans thump down onto the floor, and then the bed jostled slightly before I felt his cool body slide up behind mine.

He held me gently, his body moulding to mine as we lay there back to front. He hummed quietly and stroked my hair absently like he was deep in thought. I smiled when I felt his lips brush against my shoulder, his nose following to trace up along my neck. His arm cradled me to him, his body pressing closer to find more warmth. Covering his arm with mine, I offered him that bit of support he needed to feel safe. He sighed again the heat of his breath sending a shiver through my body.

I let him have his quiet moment, not wanting to intrude on everything that he had to be thinking. He must have gone through a lot, if he had come to my house so late at night, not even calling. We laid there in silence, his arms tightening around me once in a while, as if needing the extra comfort. I squeezed him to me in silent support.

"You feel right like this," he whispered in the dark.

I slowly turned in his arms so that I could face him. His eyes seemed so deep as he took me in.

"You can come here any time you want," I replied softly.

"If I could, I would, but the climb about killed me," he whispered, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips.

"So we'll use the door next time, but you still can't slip into bed with those jeans," I teased.

I may have slid my leg over his naked one, enjoying the intense heat of his thigh on mine.

"You're killing me, Bella," he groaned.

"Is this bad?" I asked, stilling my body against his, worried that I had ruined his moment of peace.

Edward's fingers moved over my cheek, his eyes following them as they made their way down my neck.

"No, this is what I want," he said, swallowing. "So badly."

"I want this too. With you, Edward."

He sighed and leaned into me, and his lips covering mine briefly before he nestled into my neck, sighing in contentment as his nose followed his fingers.

Down my neck, across my collarbone, a slow dip downward.

Breathing slow. Taking me in.

I let my hands roam along his back, wanting to warm the cool skin that felt prickled from the cold. He hummed, sending the vibration through me along my body wherever he touched.

As he drew his head away, I could feel his hands brushing over my side and down to my hip, gently easing me onto my back so that he could look me over. I remained still for him, to allow him the opportunity to do what ever he wished, to let him know I was his. His eyes met mine for an instant, as if looking for that permission before they made their way down to where his hands held me at my hips. Slowly, his fingertips moved back up my sides, his thumbs trailing along my stomach, to my ribs, lightly brushing the swell of my breasts on their way up.

I let out a soft moan, his eyes shooting up to mine.

I was breathing faster, trembling at his touch. His thumbs rested just above my nipples, making them hard from the anticipation.

He looked back down, where his hands grazed, as if unsure.

His fingertips flexed, his thumb brushing the top of my breasts once more.

"I want to touch you," he whispered.

I nodded, arching up into his hands a little to urge him on. He slid one hand up to move into my hair, rolling partway onto his side so that he could relax against me. His other hand moved tortuously slow up over my chest, just missing my breast. He smiled when he heard me groan, but his eyes remained on where his hand was, as it slowly moved down.

Closer.

Fingertips barely touching the fabric.

Sending tingling jolts straight to where his thigh was now tightly pressed.

I may have clenched that thigh a little.

Because his fingers felt amazing.

Ones own fingers just don't do the same thing.

Having someone else teasing your breasts was like taking a rocket to the Moon.

And when that thumb that had teased finally reached my nipple…

Blast off!

I think I cried out.

I must have because Edward's mouth was suddenly covering mine, kissing me deeply as his thumb stroked over and over again.

That thumb was going to be the death of me. It knew how to rub the right way.

When he broke away from my mouth, he was breathing hard.

"Bella," he breathed, his mouth moving steadily down my neck, kissing the hollow of my collarbone.

I was dizzy.

Good thing I was already lying down.

His nose skirted over the edge of my tank top, leaving his mouth to heat my skin underneath as he moved.

"Please," he whispered. I heard him groan, his head leaning against my shoulder heavily. "Please let me take it slow with you."

I pulled him against me, and wrapped my arms around him, trying hard to forget the throbbing in between my legs. Instead, I hummed quietly against his ear as he nuzzled against me, and closed my eyes. His arms tightened around me, a soft moan muffled in my shoulder.

"I don't want this feeling to end," he whispered.

"Which feeling?" I asked, my fingers finding his hair again.

"Happiness," he sighed. "I feel happy here with you."

"I like that feeling too," I whispered and hugged him a little tighter, my throat closing up.

He relaxed against me, his head laying across my shoulder. One arm pulled me close to him, his body adjusting against mine so that his thigh draped over me like I was the perfect pillow for his long body.

I didn't complain.

He felt wonderful.

My eyes grew heavy with his warmth and his tracing fingers as they grazed my arm. It seemed to soothe him as much as it did me. And while both of us wanted to go further, this was right. Right this moment, this was enough.

Regardless of what our bodies said.

This was a good kind of slow.

I closed my eyes and smiled at how at peace I felt.

I slowly became more aware of how late it was when I felt him move. My eyes slowly opened and I watched him slowly slip from bed, his back highlighted by the light of the moon. He pulled his shirt over his head, reaching for his jeans when he turned to see me watching him.

"I need to get home so Esme doesn't worry," he whispered, leaning over the bed to kiss me tenderly.

I walked with him to the window, my hand touching his for a moment so that I could feel his heat one last time.

He leaned in to kiss me before sliding out precariously onto the branch.

"Next time, you can come in through the door," I said, smiling when he clutched at the branch.

"I'd like that, except then your dad will know I'm here," he replied and grimaced when his foot slipped a little.

"My dad works nights too, Edward," I reminded him.

"We'll have to plan better then," he said, grinning.

I nodded and watched him slowly shimmy down the tree, nearly falling off the last branch. Once on the ground he dusted himself off and looked back up to me, smiling.

"I'll see you in a few hours," he whispered.

I waited until he had disappeared down the street before I closed the window and retreated back into bed, snuggling up to the blanket that now smelled like Edward.

I closed my eyes and willed the night to speed past.

I already missed having him there next to me.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Charlie needs to work an overnight…soon… JS… **

**More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	39. Chapter 39

**Hello all! I meant to give you all much love for your sweet words on my hormonal imbalance. LOL. You all are too sweet, and it proves on many fronts that you can cycle together via the internet! **

**Let's Talk About Sex- Salt-N-Pepa**

**I think the song explains what this is all about. *grins* Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 39: I asked you first. **

**EPOV**

I watched my fingers as I rubbed them together lightly, remembering how they felt with her between them. Staring at the pads, I could almost imagine her skin there, warm and soft and so easy to glide across. I smiled to myself when I thought about the sound she made when I trapped her nipple in between them.

She had amazing breasts.

Soft and pliant, without being too soft that you lost the feeling of the subtle roundness of her.

She was perfect.

And at some point, I'd let myself taste her.

"What's wrong with your hand?"

I jumped at Emmett's voice, scowling at his mischievious grin when I shoved my hand under the table.

"I'm telling you man, now that you have Bella, you shouldn't have to spank it on your own," he said, sliding into the seat across from me at the table, pulling the cereal and milk his way.

"Fuck off, Emmett," I growled. "It's not like that."

He gave me an awkward surprised frown and shook his head.

"You're not sleeping with her?" he asked, shovelling a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth. "You become a monk now? Cuz she wants it."

I groaned and stood to wash my bowl. I wanted to get to Bella's early so that maybe we could spend a few minutes in the car.

"All I'm saying, Ed, is that she likes you," he continued. "A lot. And you'd be hurting both of you if you didn't get on that."

I looked at him in disgust.

"I'm not getting on anything until I figure out what I want, Emmett," I replied. "And Bella deserves better."

"Better what?" he asked. "You like her, she digs you. I get that you are trying to do what Mom says, but you can treat her good and then also _treat her good_."

I let out a rough breath and left him to his cereal.

I wasn't having a relationship conversation with the guy who admitted to fucking his girl in the bathroom. I didn't even really know Rose Hale. He had never brought her home. I had no idea ifhe felt like I did towards Bella.

With Bella it needed to be right.

I needed her to know I wanted her for_ her_.

Not because she was some hole to fill.

Even the thought of that made me feel sick to my stomach.

Bella was everything to me.

It needed to be right.

I could handle myself for as long as it took to feel right about losing myself in her.

_In her. _

_Fuck_.

I'd be late to pick her up if I didn't curb my thoughts.

I tried to think of something else, but it was useless. My hand felt her skin again, and I lost myself in the bathroom thinking about being inside her. I bet she was warm and soft everywhere.

I hated myself for getting off on her before I had even had the chance to see her.

But she was in my thoughts constantly. It was natural, or so I was told.

I somehow thought that that phrase was reserved for people who didn't jack off 24/7 over the girl they were dating. I doubted Emmett jacked off in the morning over Rose.

But then again, he was getting it regularly.

If Bella and I started fooling around, would I be worse off or better?

What if Tanya messed me up for normal sex?

What if Bella didn't like what I liked?

What if she _did_?

I drove to her house wondering if slow was really good, or was it only making things more difficult.

It felt good last night, and here I was hoping for a little more in the car.

I had wanted to do more last night, but knew I'd regret it.

What if I regretted doing it with her? What if she did?

I had to get this out of my head.

It wasn't right.

She was good and sweet and innocent. I needed to keep thinking that, instead of thinking about spreading her wide and burying myself in her.

_Fuck. _

"Hey," she said as she slid into the passengers side. She quirked her eyebrow at me, questioning. "You okay?"

I nodded and looked back at her house.

"Dad left early this morning," she said and leaned in to kiss me.

I only hesitated for a second, but she noticed. She pulled away and frowned.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I tried to smile and shook my head, putting the car in to gear.

"Nothing," I replied, swallowing when she narrowed her eyes at me.

"You feel weird about last night, don't you," she said.

She groaned and pulled her legs up, looking suddenly very vulnerable.

"I don't feel weird about last night," I said in a rush, knowing I was screwing up the day with my internal worries. "I'm just worried about what I'll do next."

She glanced at me as I drove, her eyes a little sad.

"I know this is hard on you," she said quietly, still curled up. "You know this is different, right? You and me? We're different."

My chest was starting to hurt. She had so much faith. She trusted me so much.

We pulled into the school parking lot, the tension thick between us.

"Edward."

I shut off the car and turned slowly to meet her gaze. There was so much going on in her eyes, like a kaleidoscope of emotions. It was hard to figure out which one was dominant.

"You don't know what I go through every day, Bella," I replied softly. "To stay sane and normal in front of everyone, but inside. There's a lot that goes on."

I felt her hand slip over mine on the steering wheel, coaxing it towards her.

"So tell me," she whispered.

I shook my head and looked away from her searching eyes.

"It's not something you'd like to hear," I said dismissively.

"How do you know?"

I closed my eyes and felt my head hit the headrest on the seat. She seemed so unfazed by my fucked up life. Maybe she wouldn't judge.

"It's okay, Edward," she said, unfolding herself from her seat and moving to open her door. "I won't push you."

"I think about you all the time," I blurted.

She paused in opening the door, turning to offer me a coy smile.

"I do too," she said. "There's nothing wrong about that."

"_How_ I do, it is," I murmured. She turned back towards me and gave me her full attention.

"How do you know?" she asked. "My thoughts may be pretty inappropriate too."

I grunted and shook my head.

"I don't think you'd imagine what I do," I scoffed.

She huffed at me and crossed her arms.

"Is this because I said I was a virgin?" she demanded. "You think I don't think about sex?"

I blinked at her, a little taken aback.

I mean, I was sure she thought about sex, but it was that kind of sex you saw in the movies.

With frilly things and violin music and a lot of breathy terms of endearment followed by ridiculous fades to black.

Mine was about grunting, and thrusting, sweat dripping, and nasty words cried out during orgasms. It was about knotted hair and trying to explain why your clothes were missing buttons. And maybe some destroyed furniture.

She narrowed her eyes at me and leaned over to poke me in the chest.

"Just so you know, Mr. Cullen. You got me so hot and bothered last night feeling me up that I had to imagine you fucking me senseless while I got myself off," she barked before turning to open the door.

I reached out to grab her before she was out of the car.

"I didn't mean to do that to you," I said, feeling the turmoil of making her frustrated while harbouring a sort of sick glee that she was worked up by me enough to have to get herself off.

"But I wouldn't understand your feelings?" she continued, the hurt evident in her eyes. "I get it, there are things you don't want to talk about. But not talking to me at all about your wants won't help us to move forward. Your private thoughts really aren't different from mine."

"Mine are just really dark, Bella," I conceded.

She relaxed a bit in my grip and shut the door again. We were going to be late for class.

"How dark?" she asked.

I squirmed in my seat and couldn't look at her inquisitive eyes.

"I just don't know how much of that life is going to bleed into ours," I murmured.

"I know, but it doesn't scare me," she replied. "You won't hurt me. It's different."

"But there are some things I might like that you won't," I argued.

She was quiet on her side, but I could see her hands playing with the bottom of her jacket.

Like she was nervous.

"Can I tell you something?" she asked quietly. "And promise you won't think less of me?"

I nodded, afraid to look up to see her fear. I could hear it in her voice.

This is where she was going to tell me that she really was scared of what I was.

Of what I liked.

Not that I knew what I truly liked.

"I have _really_ dirty thoughts about you, Edward," she whispered. "A lot of dirty thoughts."

I looked up to see her blushing. She dropped her gaze almost immediately and fidgeted with her jacket some more.

"What kind of dirty thoughts?" I asked, feeling myself get more excited.

I couldn't help it.

"I asked you first," she challenged.

I groaned and leaned back into my seat, knowing now that we wouldn't be making it to first period.

"So is this going to be a version of_ 'I tell you/you tell me_', Bella?" I asked.

She raised her eyebrow and smirked.

"I tell you something, you tell me," she said, her smile widening.

I looked away again.

"But mine will still shock you," I whispered, afraid.

"I doubt that. And if you do, I need to know," she said. "Maybe it's something I was thinking about all along, Edward. But was too afraid to admit. You never know."

I didn't think she'd imagine half of what I had with her.

"I'll go first," she volunteered, sitting up a little straighter. "But we need to be honest and not judge, okay?"

"I'll hold you to that," I shot back, feeling a little nervous about this.

"Good," she said, biting on her lip as if to think of her first confession to me.

Like she'd have so many.

Her face blushed slightly and she closed her eyes as she spoke.

"I think about you bending me over that tree in the meadow," she blurted and covered her face, embarrassed.

I was rock hard now and wondering why I hadn't thought of that one. She peeked out from behind her fingers to see me watching her.

"I know it's not really dark and dirty," she went on, moving her hands around nervously. "But I didn't want the first one to be the dirtiest one I have."

"Not the dirtiest one?" I spluttered, coughing.

She wrinkled her nose and squinted uncomfortably.

"That one wasn't that bad, was it?" she asked, a little meek.

I shook my head and took her hand in my own.

"It's a good one. I'm never going to be able to go there without thinking about that now," I replied. "Especially after we do it."

I felt the heat of her increase at my words, her eyes deepening.

"Your turn," she whispered.

I blew out a breath and tried to think of something fairly tame.

Nothing that would scare her.

Drawing a blank on the tame.

"Edward."

I let out a nervous chuckle and slowly looked up into her eyes.

"I think about being inside you, all the time," I said softly.

Her face flushed a little darker, her breathing a little heavy.

"How?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"What do you mean, _how_?" I said, my voice a little high.

I wasn't about to tell her I thought about riding her hard, or from behind, or her on top, or trying some moves better executed on a yoga mat.

About how I thought about how creaky her bed was and that I would never be able to have sex with her there while Chief Swan was ever in the house.

About how my bed was a platform bed. Super quiet and firm. And big for all sorts of positions.

I wasn't going to tell her that I wanted to fuck her right here in the back of my car, regardless of how small it was.

We'd find a way.

She pulled me out of my thoughts with her tightly pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

"You're a cheater. So vague. _Inside me_. Of course you want that. But I told you _how_. You're thinking about the _how_ right now and not sharing," she said and then her eyes widened. "Are you thinking about having sex with me right now, right now?"

I looked at her like the notion weren't grossly obvious.

She looked around and frowned.

"You need a bigger car," she said, completely deadpan.

"I," I stammered. "The back seat is a lot bigger than it looks!"

"I'm not that flexible, Edward," she said, still serious. "I guess if I was in top."

I didn't know how to respond to that.

I was a little off kilter with her frankness.

"I'd need to stretch first, and that's not sexy," she continued.

This conversation was definitely the wrong thing to be doing while we were trying to go slow.

Well, I was trying to go slow.

She was seemingly open to anything.

I wondered what _anything_ really entailed.

She was looking at me with a very serious face. I made to say something when she suddenly burst into laughter. She leaned in and kissed me playfully, her hand winding into my hair to tug me closer.

I really liked when she did that.

I wondered if she would like some things I had dismissed as wrong.

"What else do you think about?" I asked against her lips.

She pulled away and licked at her lips, her eyes trailing down to where I all my blood had drained to.

"I think about when you'll finally let me touch you," she whispered and the blush was back. "I've never touched a guy before."

I groaned and pulled her back to my lips, attacking her mouth with the need I felt through my entire body. More than anything I wanted her to touch me, stroke me.

Suck me.

I was whimpering and pulling away when I felt her hand sliding down my chest.

"Not here," I groaned. She looked a little forlorn at my denial.

I pulled her close, holding her chin in my fingers.

"Not here," I reaffirmed. "Because we need to have a comfortable place and no distractions. I want to be able to do the same for you. And I want to enjoy that."

"Really?" she asked, biting on her lip again.

"You have no idea how hard it was to stop last night," I growled, leaning into her neck for my fix of her.

She let out a long sigh and moved away, that sad look returning.

"I hate that they skewed your view of sex," she said quietly. "It makes me wish I knew more, because I know you're holding back. And that makes me sad."

"I want it to be special," I replied, looking away.

"It will be with you," she replied and pulled her bag up from the floor of the car. "We should go."

I nodded and grabbed Junior, who had been witness to our discussion. I was glad it was a fake kid, otherwise it would be as screwed up as me. I felt Bella's hand brush by mine, reaching until she felt me wrap my fingers around hers. She looked up at me with so much want and hope, I thought maybe we could do this.

"I want you, Edward Cullen," she whispered, smiling up at me. "And that includes all the things you think you can't tell me."

I let her lead me through the parking lot, my mind milling through all the ideas in my head. I stopped her before her second class, edging her towards the lockers and away from the other kids.

"Do you really want to know my darker thoughts?" I asked softly.

She nodded.

"If it's who you are, then yes. I'm not afraid, Edward," she replied.

I brushed my nose against her cheek, taking in her goodness again. How someone so good could like me, I didn't know, but it made me hopeful.

"A little bit each day then," I said and traced my finger down her neck. "On everything. I'll tell you things, and we'll try."

"Try?" she asked, the smile curving her lips up like a little vixen.

I smiled and rolled my eyes at her.

"Yes, _try_," I retorted. "I don't need to spell it out do I?"

She pulled away when the bell rang, still smiling.

"I don't know, I want to try a lot of things. And I am the innocent one after all," she shot back and slid into the classroom, leaving me debating a trip to my usual stall, or following her in to pull her out and take her home.

I sighed and opted for the former.

It wasn't nearly as fulfilling as what I thought it would be like with her.

But I was already thinking about the weekend, and how we might get some time alone.

To explore some of the things that was on both our minds.

The weekend was entirely too far away.

I wondered how much I could do this week before Saturday, and still feel good about myself.

This was going to be a long week.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: yeah… I've pretty much given up on that whole 2000 words or less… snort. **

**This next weeks chapters will be a little shorter tho. I have a busy week this next week. Stupid work.**

**Thanks my dears! More soon!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	40. Chapter 40

**Hello my dears! Happy SuperBowl Sunday to the Americans! I thought I'd post this for post game entertainment. **

**I lied to my dear friends on Facebook. We'll have to wait on the bakery. This was more important. Hehehe**

**Enjoy! **

**Come into My Room -Movado ft. Stacious**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 40: Your dad has a gun.**

**BPOV**

F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.E.D.

Sexually…. Frustrated.

This week was dragging out to be the longest in history. And while I understood that Edward needed his slow and steady approach, I was working my thigh muscles more than Suzanne Somers on her Thighmaster on QVC.

Pity poor Edward if he ever did get between my legs, because I'd squish him like a bug as soon as I flexed.

I couldn't handle it anymore.

Monday was just the tip of the iceberg as far as the sexual tension.

After our little talk, I couldn't think in my classes. _Everything _was sexual. I even answered a question in Spanish with something that sounded more like _'he has tremendous wood'_ instead of _'he is going into the deep woods.'_

Why would she ask something like that in a high school class anyway?

Of course, now everyone from class smirked at me when I walked beside Edward.

Good for him. They all thought he had a great cock.

I wouldn't know.

We hadn't progressed that far in the physical side of our new experiment into learning each other.

It started to rain before lunch, so we were stuck inside, which was probably a good thing. I don't think either of us would ever be able to look at that damn tree the same again.

Why did I tell him that?

Because it was on my mind. All the time.

And judging by his constant adjustments in Biology beside me, he was thinking about it too.

Or some other unknown fantasy that I was not privy to. He was pretty tight lipped and vague when it came to admitting anything to me.

We spent Monday afternoon at my house, Edward on his best behavior as soon as Charlie came home. I hadn't even gotten a good boob grope before we heard the cruiser pull up.

We actually did homework.

And FC was doing well, now that Edward was remembering to bring it in from the car.

He left just before dinner, turning down Charlie's invitation to eat with us, explaining that Esme would be worried.

I felt for him, knowing that he felt a little responsible for his dad being kicked out of the house. When he told me about the intervention his mom and therapist had performed the night before, I was surprised he was taking it so well.

Which made me feel even guiltier for trying to push him physically.

So I spent Monday night alone in my bed, thinking of Edward crawling into my room and taking me while Charlie watched the game downstairs. I fell asleep to fitful dreams of green eyes and fingertips moving over my body.

Tuesday was a blur of tests and rain.

And I learned that Edward liked being vague in his confessions of what he liked.

It was frustrating.

At lunch he offered me obtuse answers to my questions.

"What do you find attractive in a person?" I asked.

He smiled and leaned in close, to whisper in my ear.

"Their personality."

I pulled away from him and narrowed my eyes at him.

"You do not," I scolded. "What do you like about me?"

His smile quivered and he looked down, bashful.

"What?" I pressed.

"Your smile," he murmured. "Your mouth. I like your mouth."

Oh the things I could do with my mouth, Edward.

But the bell rang and I couldn't tell him that and have him squirm in Biology again.

So we behaved ourselves while we took our test, all the time wondering if Edward thought about my mouth in other places too.

He dropped me off on Tuesday, mentioning he had to take care of a few things at home. I didn't push, I couldn't occupy all his time. So I watched him leave and hoped he at least called that night. He texted late, apologizing briefly before wishing me sweet dreams.

He had no idea.

Wednesday he was a little off, and I learned that Esme and Dr. Creepy had been arguing on the phone the night before. I could feel Edward's guilt coming at me in waves, and it stalled any thoughts of us moving forward. Instead we spent Wednesday afternoon at his house in the living room reading in silence, the only contact with him his hand as it brushed along my neck occasionally, his eyes drifting from his book to watch his fingers trace along the length of my neck. But he kept a respectable distance, as if we were being watched.

Esme baked up a storm all afternoon, and I half expected Dr. Cullen to come blasting through the door, the tension was that thick.

Edward took me home before dinner and kissed me quickly on the cheek before disappearing back home. Wednesday was the first night Charlie was doing an overnight, but I didn't have it in me to tempt Edward to come over. So Wednesday night was spent worrying over Edward and wondering if I had locked the door. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, dreams of Edward climbing through the window turning into nightmares of Mike Newton climbing in instead.

Thursday saw a glimmer of happy Edward, and we risked getting dirty in the meadow for lunch. But except for a long make out session, it was just a regular day. I didn't even bother trying to get him to talk about our wants. I was starting to think this weekend would be nothing more than maybe dinner and a movie.

Edward stayed for only an hour after school, my dad dropping the subtle hint that as he left for work, so did Edward. Charlie was not helping my mission to open Edward up to getting in my pants. If anything, he seemed more cautious when we were at my house.

I'm sure it wasn't because my dad carried a gun around at work.

No.

So with Friday, I was a little depressed and lacking the energy to try and pry anything out of Edward. He sensed it early in the morning, I knew, because his hand lingered in mine a little longer before letting me head to first period. I offered him a sweet smile and took it in stride that he hesitated in kissing me before he disappeared down the hall.

The rest of the day was a blur, the rain putting a further damper on my mood. I had wanted to go to the meadow, but we were stuck in the lunchroom, and this time Angela and Ben had joined us, so any discussion about the weekend between Edward and I would have to wait. I felt his comforting hand on my knee, and I took comfort that he was doing his best to try and take a step on his own.

Biology we sat close while we worked on our lab assignment for mold growth, and Edward seemed to open up a little bit with a sly hand on my thigh that ran up until it wrapped around behind my back as he leaned in to look through the microscope.

Was it wrong that I fantasized about throwing him on the table and making out with him there?

Regardless, the bell rang and I was left with heading off to gym, wishing he and I could just skip class and go home early. But he had a test. And I had some Standards Physical Education test to do in gym. The final bell was never more exciting as it was today.

Finally, we could head over to my house and maybe explore some things for a while.

I forgot Charlie had worked a double the night before.

Charlie was home when we pulled up, Edward tensing as soon as he saw the cruiser.

"Do you want to come in? Or just go home?" I asked, hearing the disappointment in my own voice.

Edward shook his head and put on a brave smile.

"I'll stay if you want me to," he replied quietly.

"I want you to," I said and pulled out FC from the backseat, walking with Edward to the door.

When we stepped inside, I heard the television on in the other room. Handing Edward the flour sack, I motioned him to the kitchen while I went to the living room to let Charlie know we were home. I was halfway in the room when I heard his deep snoring. I tiptoed out of the room and found Edward at the table, pulling out our homework to appear busy.

I couldn't help it.

I was starving for a little affection, and Charlie was asleep.

It granted us at least a few minutes of kissing.

I leaned down and kissed him hard, startling him.

"Chief Swan," he started but I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Asleep," I whispered. "I swear if you don't kiss me back, Edward Cullen, I'm going to scream."

His eyes widened at the force of my words for only a second before he was pulling me onto his lap, kissing me fiercely. I felt his arms wrap around me, hands sliding up and down my back in need. I moved against him, feeling him stiffen as I rotated my hips for a better feel of him. He groaned softly into my mouth and broke away, moving his lips to my neck, working their way down.

Fingers teased over my sweater, moving down until they found the bottom and then I could feel the heat of them on my waist, searching north. I moved against him again, practically grinding him into oblivion and his hips joined in, adjusting so that I felt the full length of him press against me. I was enjoying the burn of those fingertips moving towards my breast when I heard the television mute.

I shot up out of the chair in a flash, flushed and breathing heavily as I watched Edward's eyes widen at the sound of Charlie moving around in the room down the hall. He quickly looked down, trying desperately to calm his own breathing while pretending to read from the book left on the table. I looked around, knowing my face was hot and that I could never explain why it was so.

I did the first thing I thought of.

I opened the freezer and shoved my head half way in, praying for a quick cool down.

I heard Charlie shuffle into the kitchen; his steps stopping somewhere near the doorway. Shocked to see a panting Edward I was sure.

I admit it.

It was survival mode that made me leave poor Edward hot and bothered at the table while I sought Frigidaire refuge. I could just see Charlie's comical face as he figured out what we had been up to.

"Edward," Charlie said, his voice rough from sleep. "Good to see you again. Homework? You guys must be trying for an A, huh?"

Oh god. He was being sassy.

"Uh, well, its an advanced class, sir," Edward mumbled, and I could hear the nerves in his voice.

"Advanced Biology, huh? Good thing you have such a pleasant partner like Bella," Charlie continued. "That should make all the work worthwhile."

"What are you in the mood for dinner, Dad?" I called from the safety of the freezer.

Please, hot face be gone. I'll take freezer burn over Charlie's ribbing.

"Why are you in the freezer?" he asked, chuckling.

Crap.

"We have a lot of stuff in the back here we should get rid of!" I said loudly, pretending to shuffle all the fish and deer around.

"Well when you're done scavenging and getting yourself in order, get me a beer, please?" he teased, making me huff into the refrigerator.

I pulled my head out and scowled at him, his body blocking my expression from Edward, who was probably cowering and plotting a quick getaway. Charlie grinned and raised his hands in surrender.

"Grilled cheese and soup is fine tonight," he said, laughing. But his eyes conveyed that he knew just what we were up to.

For someone who never dated, Charlie understood way too much.

"May I use your restroom?" Edward said from behind Charlie.

I leaned to the side to see Edward, looking like maybe he was constipated.

"Upstairs, top of the stairs," I said gently, praying Charlie hadn't just scared the shit out of Edward.

Literally.

Edward excused himself in a hurry, leaving Charlie and I in the room alone. I rounded on my dad and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Dad!" I hissed. "Please be nice! Edward doesn't need the extra stress of being antagonized by you! He's having a hard enough time dealing with the fact you're the Police chief."

Charlie seemed a little abashed by my words.

"Sorry, Bells," he whispered. "I just wanted to give you guys a hard time for whatever you were doing before I came in."

I rubbed at my face, feeling guilty all over again. If I hadn't kissed Edward, we'd be fine right now.

"I just kissed him, that's all," I admitted, feeling my face grow hot again. "He wasn't coming onto me, okay? So just be nice. He's nervous enough with everything going on."

Charlie shuffled beside me, more abashed than I thought he'd be.

"I forgot about his dad leaving," he murmured and looked up at my surprised eyes. "Small town, Bells. It gets around."

I let out another weary breath and moved past him, grabbing the can of tomato soup to start making dinner.

"Please be nice," I pleaded. "He needs support, not teasing."

Charlie offered me some scout's honor salute and reached in to grab his beer, pointing to the living room.

"I'll just go hide in the living room then. Please, just keep it PG in here," he said and disappeared down the hall.

I leaned against the counter, waiting patiently for Edward to come down from the bathroom. If I were he, I would hide up there all night. I put my head in my hands and mentally berated myself for attacking him in my house while Charlie was there. Edward would never come over again, I was sure.

With not sleeping well all week, and with all the tension running through me, I just wanted to sit and cry.

And I didn't cry much.

But this was my fault.

Instead of helping Edward to break out of his shell, I was reinforcing it.

There was no hope for taking the next step, I was sure.

"Hey."

I pulled my hands away to find Edward standing in the doorway, hands tucked in deeply to his pockets like he did when he was trying to hide.

Like a turtle.

"I'm sorry," I said, holding out my hand to him for him to take. He looked at it and shrugged.

"It's not your fault," he said. "Your dad has every right to watch over you and make sure someone doesn't take advantage."

His words made my chest hurt. He remained where he was, which hurt more. So I went to him, making him tense.

"He's not upset, Edward. He was just teasing. He feels bad," I said and tried to pull him into the room. He was slow to move. "_I _feel bad, Edward. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have taken the risk. I was just… I really needed to kiss you."

"It's okay," he murmured and slowly extracted one hand from his pocket to take mine. A slow smile crept up one side of his mouth. "Um, I really liked it."

I returned the smile playfully.

"I liked it too, even if it stopped before I wanted it to," I whispered and leaned up to kiss him.

He hesitated before kissing me back, his other hand slipping around me as the kiss deepened. He broke away too soon, letting out a breath and looking down at me with darkened eyes.

"I should go," he whispered.

"You can stay for dinner. It's gourmet night after all," I joked.

He shook his head and let out another breath.

"No, if I stay I might decide to take another risk," he said, squinting uncomfortably. "It's something… something I like."

I tipped my head to the side, confused.

"What do you mean?"

He chewed on his lip and looked back towards the hallway.

"Um, I like the risk of being caught," he whispered and closed his eyes as if embarrassed.

It took me a second to realize what he meant.

"So," I started, processing. "The threat of having him walk in on us _excites_ you?"

"_And_ terrifies me," he replied, stepping back to give us some space.

"So wait," I said, following him as he retreated back towards the door. "So if you came over, like you did the other night, you get excited by the possibility of him walking in on us? Or if we were somewhere public?"

He nodded uncomfortably.

"It's a little more intense here. Your dad has a gun."

"He wouldn't shoot you, Edward," I admonished, but I supposed to him that was a viable option.

But Edward's confession had me thinking hard.

This was something new that I would have never guessed by his behavior with me.

He was always polite and put a little distant between us every time we came to my house. Was he trying to curb his desires?

I didn't want him to hide like that. All week he had evaded discussions about what he liked, I had thought it was because I had shocked him with my initial statement about the meadow.

But now it made sense.

The meadow could be a public place.

He had enjoyed the library grope.

And at his house with his mother there.

This wasn't some abnormal kink he was talking about. At least I didn't think so.

If it was I was just as bad as he was.

I found myself getting excited over what this could entail.

It had possibilities.

Like what had just happened.

That had excited him?

Did he just go up into my bathroom…to…

Why was the possibility of him jerking off in my bathroom getting me excited?

I had issues.

"I need to go," he said again, sidestepping me to gather his things. I watched him pack his things, a million thoughts flying through my mind.

His admission set off all sorts of ideas of him. The idea of him sneaking into my room had been playing in my head all week. So of course I got excited over that. This was something I could do that he liked. This we could both enjoy, safely here in my house. Gun in the house or not.

Charlie slept like the dead.

Well, except just a little while ago.

But we could do this!

"Come back tonight," I whispered in a rush.

He paused in packing, not looking up at me.

"Come back, tonight. I'll leave the window open," I said, stepping towards him.

He shook his head, frowning.

"That's not a good idea, Bella," he replied, shoving the last of his books into his bag.

"I'll leave my window open," I said. "You know I worry about someone breaking in. I'll leave my window open for you. You'll have to come, so I feel safe."

His frown deepened and he shook his head.

"I don't want to piss your dad off," he argued.

"So you'll have to be quiet," I challenged and wiggled my eyebrows. "And keep _me_ quiet."

He groaned and let out a nervous chuckle.

"You're killing me, Bella," he whispered. "I gotta go."

I walked with him to the door, pouting when his lips brushed over my temple before he murmured his good nights.

"I'm serious," I said as he stepped out on the porch.

He let out a frustrated groan and shrugged.

"Maybe," he muttered, walking backwards towards his car. "We'll see. Don't count on it though, okay? I shouldn't have said anything. I'll pick you up tomorrow."

He waved to me and climbed into his car, starting it up and driving away in a matter of seconds.

Fleeing the scene.

I sighed and went back inside, fixing Charlie his dinner and retreating to my room sometime after nine. Charlie poked his head in around ten to say goodnight, and after I was sure he was asleep, I moved to my window, contemplating.

If I opened it and he came, it would be a sign of moving forward.

But what if he didn't come?

What if I opened my room to all the monsters that haunted my dreams when I was alone?

I remembered the dream with Mike Newton.

What if I left it closed and Edward came? Would he see that as me rejecting him?

I opened the window, letting the cool air wash over me. Offering me some resolve.

He'd come.

I was sure of it.

And if not, I had a baseball bat by my bed.

I looked out into the night, seeing the world a little differently with the half moon shining.

The shadows were a little darker, spiking my nerves at all the possible hiding things out there.

I hurried to my bed, contemplating if I should strip down to just my underwear, or stay clothed. I supposed if he showed up, I would kill him if I were naked under the blankets. I pulled off my sleep pants and sat against the headboard, waiting.

My eyes grew heavy, the week starting to catch up with me. I fought them, looking at the time and frowning.

It was after eleven. Almost midnight.

Maybe I had hoped for too much.

I shifted in my bed, lying down on my side, facing the window, fighting to keep my eyes open.

I wanted to see him climb in.

He had to come.

This was a step, right?

Midnight came, and my eyes crossed until I saw two windows.

I thought about getting up to close the window, but I couldn't bring myself to get out of the warmth of my bed and close off my invitation to Edward.

My eyes closed.

I'd rest them for just a moment.

It was only a minute.

And then I heard it.

_"Bella._"

My eyes flew open at the sound of my name.

And the lanky figure slipping into the window, his hair a mess from the climb or the wind.

Or the nervous tugging he was doing as he made his way slowly towards me.

I smiled and pulled my blankets to the side for him, welcoming him into my bed.

He slowly slipped his coat and jeans to the floor, sliding in behind me, the cold of his body making me shiver. He nuzzled against me, his lips kissing my shoulder briefly before moving to just below my ear. I smiled at the feeling of him wrapped around me, hands exploring.

I knew it.

Edward came.

Well, he was here anyway.

I was hoping the coming would be the next step.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: yep…left it there… Edward gets to tell us what goes on in the bedroom….**

**Tomorrow. **

**Thanks my dears! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	41. Chapter 41

**Happy Monday! **

**Well… really… this is just….filler… nothing much really… I mean what could possibly happen in her bedroom with Charlie snoring next door?**

**I'm sure Edward will behave, even given is enjoyment of a little risky business. **

**But I am sure someone will tell me I should have put a warning on this. …**

**So warning… may be NSFW…. Bedroom… Bella and Edward… nighttime… yeah, maybe… I'm sure she's got a chess set in there somewhere they can play.**

**Under Control- Parachute (thanks Kacy for the suggestion!)**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 41: You need a new bed. **

**EPOV**

I stood in the shadow of the tree for almost an hour, debating.

I shouldn't do this.

Chief Swan had a gun, and would never let me in again if he caught us together in her room.

But the thrill of climbing up again, of wrapping myself around her while he slept in the room next door. My heart was beating fast from the adrenaline coursing through me at the idea of being caught.

Of course, thoughts of the last time I was caught came to mind.

I was starting to realize, after all that was said in the last few days, that Tanya had probably planned for us to get caught. Why else would she have let me take the lead?

This was a bad idea.

Her window was wide open, an invitation to anyone if they looked.

Chief Swan would be upset if anyone hurt her.

I should just go up and close it.

Go in, kiss her goodnight and leave.

Who the fuck am I kidding?

If I stepped inside, I would not be leaving.

I had been a wreck all week, learning that Bella was a lot more enthusiastic at trying things with me than I had imagined. I fantasized about having sex with her more than usual. I was pretty sure if we went much further, I'd simply need to jack off more, not less. Or simply succumb to having sex with her.

Once you taste the forbidden fruit, you want it more, right?

I'd want her all the time, and she'd get tired of me.

She hadn't even flinched today when I mentioned liking the idea of being caught.

What scared me more was that she seemed excited by it herself.

Bella was starting to make me realize that my reservations in getting close to her because of my tastes were not all that valid anymore.

She was allowing me to open up, and she wasn't afraid.

I'd have to talk about this to Alice tomorrow.

Was this… normal?

And more importantly, was it okay? Was this safe?

I had a lot to discuss in the morning.

But now, standing in the dark under her open window, I had to make a decision.

Go up and give in to my desire?

Or retreat and leave her vulnerable, possibly feeling rejected.

Was there a third choice?

Could I go up and behave?

I doubted it.

She had me so worked up, even taking care of myself twice before getting here, I was feeling the need for relief again.

By _her _hand.

Or mouth.

Or fuck even just a good dry hump against her.

But I wanted to do something.

I _needed_ it.

I just needed to control myself. Not too far tonight.

I had to draw a line.

Somehow.

I'd figure out what that line was when I was in her room.

And pray I knew the proper limits.

I looked up one more time, to be sure the Chief's light was still out, the adrenaline of what I was about to do coursing through me.

Did he sleep with his gun?

Was he a heavy sleeper?

This was a bad idea.

But so very tempting, and I needed something to ease this feeling in my chest and in my groin. She had me so wound tight.

Take a leap. A step. A crawl… Something. We needed this.

We. Needed. This.

I slowly made my way up the tree, learning the first time where the good footholds were. Reaching the window, I could see in and felt my determination waver. I could see her, tucked under her blankets in the cold air of her room, her eyes closed and seemingly asleep.

Fuck, I had waited too long.

I'd close her window and just go home.

I was hit by an avalanche of disappointment.

I hadn't realized how much I needed to see her.

Touch her.

Her movement caught my eye, and I saw her shift.

Maybe she wasn't asleep yet.

"Bella," I whispered.

Her eyes flew open and she grinned, something so beautiful it was like a siren calling me.

Bella was my siren.

I slipped into the room, closing the window partly to ward off the chill and moved quietly towards her bed, nervous suddenly.

My emotions were all over the place.

I wanted to do so much.

I was nervous with anticipation of pleasing her.

I was terrified I'd fail.

I was excited as hell for her to touch me.

I was terrified I'd get off too soon.

I was scared her father would come in and find me all over her.

But I was more scared of getting off too soon.

And my adrenaline was charging through me like a freight train.

I pulled my jacket off, watching her slide the covers back for me, revealing her in only her underwear and a tank top. And that tank top had ridden up a little, showing me her stomach.

Oh, I wanted to touch the soft skin there. Too many times I had been thwarted.

I dropped my jeans beside her bed, kicking off my shoes at the same time and crawled quietly into her squeaking monstrosity. She threw the covers over me, shivering when my cold body came in contact with hers.

Cold legs met with fiery thighs and soft ass.

Her back arched away for a second before curving to fold into against my stomach.

Chest to back.

Hair tickling against my neck as I leaned in and brushed my lips across her shoulder, making my way along her hot skin to her neck where her heart pumped a fast rhythm.

I wrapped my arm around her, bringing her up closer to me, the heat of her stomach warming my fingers. I sighed at the sudden euphoria gripping me as I held her to me. Feeling her here made the week slip away, made the fear of being caught less poignant. Having her there was perfect.

Normal.

Safe.

Maybe this is all we needed to do tonight.

I could hold her; ignore the lust and the hunger. Because really, _she_ was more important.

Whatever she wanted, I knew I would cave and offer her.

I was that attached to Bella.

I hummed against her skin and kissed her along her jaw, flexing my fingers across her stomach, feeling her adjust against me to remind me of the want I had for her. She was wedged up tight to my throbbing cock, and regardless of my contentment in holding her, it had other plans, partnering up with my hips to push slightly against her ass, burying close to incredible heat that was only masked by two shreds of cotton.

She moaned softly and turned her head, searching out my mouth with hers. I took it slowly, tasting her with my tongue. Savouring her.

Intoxicating.

Siren.

I moaned and deepened the kiss, my body wanting more as it pressed again, and contentment falling away for desire. I was teetering on the edge of behaving, falling into the pit of primal need.

Bella turned in my arms, pressing her body close while she ran her hands over my back.

"Hi," she whispered, a smile creeping onto her mouth as she watched me.

"Hi," I answered huskily, kissing her softly this time.

Tenderly.

Slow.

Worship.

Savor.

Skin so soft by her hip.

Arms wrapped around me, pulling closer.

Legs. Legs together. Would she freak if I pulled one lovely thigh over mine?

I felt her hands roaming along my back, travelling down with firm pressure.

"Take off your shirt," she whispered, bunching it up from the back to help me take it off.

I shifted in the bed, making it squeak loudly as it fought the weight of both of us.

"You need a new bed," I groaned and tugged the shirt over my head, it ending up on the floor by my jeans.

"I like my bed," she replied softly, trailing her hands over my bare chest. "It's just not used to so much action."

I groaned and eased her back against the sheets, my mouth searching her out. She kissed me eagerly and wound her hands up into my hair, making me groan a little louder when she pulled.

"Shhhh," she giggled and pushed my head down a bit, inviting me to nuzzle against her breasts. Her laughter turned into a quiet moan when my nose traced over a nipple.

My hand slipped over her mouth, tipping my head to look up at her.

"Do I need to hold my hand over your mouth all night, or should I stop?" I asked, feeling bold.

Her reaction to me made me bold. I liked that.

A lot.

She squirmed beneath me, making the bed creak again and her eyes crinkled in amusement. I slowly slipped my hand from her mouth, making its way down to her waist where it fingered the hem of her shirt.

I looked up at her again when she made a small noise.

"I'll be quiet," she breathed, trying not to move in the noisy bed. I moved, causing it to groan in outrage to my body there.

"I'm less worried about you than I am about your bed now waking up your dad," I whispered, grinning when it creaked again as I settled close beside her.

"I need to lock the door," she whispered, sliding out from my grasp.

I watched her walk to the door, enjoying the view of her rear in her tiny underwear. They had ridden up a little, letting her cheeks peek out. I liked how her ass moved in them. Firm with a little jiggle that her jeans hid from me.

And then her legs as she came back.

So long, like she was made of mostly leg.

"What?" she asked, standing next to the bed, fidgeting with her tank top.

My eyes moved slowly up her body, taking in the way her thighs disappeared into her underwear that covered just as small portion of her.

The part I wanted so badly now that I was staring at it. .

My eyes continued to trail upwards, enjoying the quick rise and fall of her breasts. Already her nipples were screaming for attention.

There was so much I wanted to do, but so much I knew I shouldn't.

It was a losing battle, as I lay there with her belly button at eye level. I could just lean in and I'd be able to smell her.

Was she already wet?

I was teetering on being good. Or very, very bad.

Behave or take a giant leap.

_Behave._ Chief Swan is next door.

_Leap._ She's here, looking at you with so much want.

We could be quiet.

Right?

Balancing precariously on that sliver of choice.

Her dark and heavy eyes helped me to fall.

"Come here," I whispered, scared and excited and feeling myself aching as she slowly climbed back into bed, lying down beside me carefully to keep the bed quiet.

She sighed quietly when my fingers moved to her hair, brushing it off her shoulders so that I could see every bit of skin. My nose followed along, enjoying the subtle changes in her scent as I explored across her body.

Her hair smelled like flowers.

Her neck, flowers fading into something like vanilla.

Her shoulder, sweet and a little more like vanilla.

She smelled like a damn cupcake.

And I wanted to lick her frosting.

I ignored the creaking as I shifted further down so that my hands could wander, as they wanted. My fingers found the hem of her shirt again, and I looked up to find her watching me, eyes half closed and bottom lip tucked in her mouth.

"I want to see you," I whispered. "I want to touch you."

She nodded stiffly, biting her lip a little harder. I paused at her nerves, afraid that now that we were here, in bed, touching, she was losing her nerve.

And I was straining to keep from losing it.

Her fingers slipped over mine, taking the fabric and pulling it up slowly. I sat back to watch her as she moved, arching her back to pull the top up further. Just as she reached her breasts, I stilled her progress.

"Wait," I said, my voice husky.

She swallowed and eyed me carefully.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but I placed my hand over her mouth lightly.

"I just need… a minute," I replied softly, letting my fingers glide back down to her bare stomach, dragging the backs of them across the length of her tight quivering belly.

I wanted to savor. Every inch of her.

Make this... good and perfect.

"So soft," I murmured and leaned in to kiss the expanse just over her belly button. She moaned quietly and arched up into me. I breathed in her skin, placing my cheek against her stomach, enjoying the sounds and heat of it. I closed my eyes and stayed very still against her stomach, gathering up my strength for the next step.

I could do this. And stay under control.

I was going to give tonight.

I wanted to see her.

Touch her.

Enjoy her.

"Edward?"

I hummed and slowly pulled my head up, smiling lazily at her heavy lidded eyes. Without a word, I let my hands run up her sides, capturing her top in my fingers to pull it up further, holding back the moan when I saw the curve of her breasts.

I could do this.

I could do _this_.

Her shirt slipped further and I couldn't hide my excitement. I licked my lips at the sight of her hard nipples mere inches from my mouth. The shirt forgotten, bunched up high under her chin, I moved a little closer, her breath growing more labored as I closed in. I followed my fingers with my eyes, entranced at the skin as it goose fleshed at my touch.

And when I touched the rough texture of her nipples.

"Ohhh," Bella moaned, slapping her own hand over her mouth as her body convulsed under me.

I moved up against her until my mouth hovered over hers. She was looking at me with wide eyes.

Not scared or worried.

But almost frenzied.

I pulled her hand away gently and kissed her while my hand moved back to her breasts, feeling them as I cupped one in my hand like they belonged there. Her moan was captured in my mouth as I continued to explore both her mouth and her breast. Her nipple tightened further when my thumb dragged across it. Her body moved under mine again, pressing closer.

And making the bed creak again.

I drew my head up at the sound of something in the other room.

Fuck me.

Bella sat up on her elbows and looked towards the door, holding her breath.

We listened in the quiet for a moment before a low garbled noise carried through the door.

"He's still asleep," she whispered, sighing as if in relief.

I licked my lips and took a deep breath, my eyes wandering down her body as she settled back into the bed.

My hand had never left her breast.

She laid there, a timid smile on her lips, one arm thrown back over her head while the other played on my neck, tickling it a little.

She was truly beautiful lying there, looking up at me with want.

For me.

No crazy agendas.

Just that she wanted to be with me.

Amazing.

"Please don't tell me you want to stop," she asked, her voice hoarse.

I shook my head and let my index finger trace slowly around her breast again, making her breath hitch.

"I don't want to stop," I whispered and let my finger glide downward, towards her stomach.

I found the waistband of her underwear and drew a line across her stomach where they met. Bella put her hand over her mouth again and let her eyes flutter closed at my touch.

I was heady from seeing her react to me.

Both of us were breathing heavily now, and I knew, as soon as I touched her there, we would both be lost. This was it. Something I had craved and fought against since I had first seen her.

With a feather light touch, I let my fingers graze over her thigh, making her body twitch.

"Shhh," I whispered when she whimpered. Bella let out a long cleansing breath and closed her eyes, as if to concentrate.

In the other room, the Chief's snoring stuttered and stopped.

My hand stilled on her leg, my thumb the only thing that moved as it caressed the smooth skin of the inside of her thigh.

"Keep going," she breathed.

This was the part that got me riled up. The risk. Was he awake? Or just sleeping differently.

What would happen if he came to check on her?

Hear something that he hadn't heard before.

The thrill of being quiet, and yet giving her absolute pleasure.

My heart was racing.

I was diving into this like a man on the high dive.

I was all in.

Licking my lips, I applied slight pressure to her leg, easing it under her knee to lay higher in the bed.

Opening her up to me.

A soft creak and another adjustment and I had her other leg trapped under my own leg that cradled her by the knee. Capturing her so that even when she wanted to clasp her legs shut, she would not be able to.

She was vulnerable now.

I refrained from staring at heaven between her legs, my mouth returning to hers as my fingers moved once more, up her leg.

Thumb drawing circles along the soft flesh, easing its way up.

Up.

Up.

To the soft cotton fabric between her legs that was most definitely affected by me.

Hot and damp and making me want to pull that fucking fabric away to see for myself.

Another whimper in my mouth at the first brush against her, and as I assumed, her free leg squirmed, moving to clench tight. But her other leg trapped, she was reduced to thrusting against me, trapping my hand harder against her.

Panting she moved against me, hands grabbing at my head, hips rolling to press my hand harder.

"Edward," she moaned softly, almost pained.

I knew that feeling.

Pained pleasure of a different sort.

And her voice, almost begging, made me crazy with want.

Needed to stay in control.

Please her.

Her breathy moan was captured in my mouth as she attacked me again, her eagerness something entirely different from past encounters. She was eager, full of uncontrollable desire, and she was wearing me down.

"Please," she begged. "Oh god, please touch me."

I shifted against her, creak be damned and pressed her back against the bed once more. My mouth moved down her neck, nudging the tank top to the side as my lips sought to discover her breasts. She shifted again in her bed, pushing her hips up towards my exploring hand as it traced the line of her underwear again.

I had to pace myself.

She wanted more.

She was killing me slowly.

Or well, quickly.

Her hands tugged me closer to her breasts, my mouth finding a nipple just as I ventured a finger under the fabric of her underwear. Her gasp and jolt in the bed brought my head up, to make sure she was all right.

She was so much more reactive than Tanya.

Frantic and almost out of control with every touch.

It was… thrilling.

She whimpered and looked into my eyes, and I could feel her nails scraping along my scalp lightly.

Nervously.

"More?" I whispered, tracing one finger just underneath the fabric.

She nodded and choked back a moan, biting her lip instead.

"Stay very still," I teased, watching as her body fought to writhe under me again.

Easing one finger a little deeper, I let out a low groan when I felt her hair and heat.

Her breathing picked up when I slid another finger under the fabric.

Slow.

Had to be slow or I'd burst.

I wanted to see her there, but I knew, if I did I wouldn't stop.

Steps.

Touch tonight.

Just touch.

Taste later.

Laterlaterlater.

Oh fuck she was hot and wet.

She whimpered and squirmed against me again when I eased lower, finding the slick folds of her. Bringing her lips to mine I kissed her slowly, my tongue moving slow just as my fingers did against her other lips. She bucked against me when my thumb grazed her clit, hard and easily found in her excitement.

She was so incredibly sensitive, I had to wonder how long she had been like that.

Did women get excited like men did?

How often did she take care of herself?

I didn't want her to have to do that anymore.

_I_ wanted to do it for her.

I hummed against her lips as I slid deeper into her folds, finding her entrance and kneading it gently. She was a virgin, sure to be tighter and more sensitive than Tanya. I wanted her to enjoy this in every way.

Thumb grazing her clit in light circles, I dipped one finger closer to her entrance, barely entering before I twirled it around slowly, feeling her grip me with each movement. Her body was trembling against mine as I moved, hips moving with more earnest as I found a slow rhythm.

Circle.

Gentle push and then rotate to feel every bit of her.

Circle a little faster. A little more firmly.

Hips bucked, her teeth biting my bottom lip slightly in her need to stifle her moans.

Body quaking when I pushed a little deeper, curling slightly and slowing moving.

In.

Out.

Slow.

God, slow.

"More," she whined and pushed her hips up into my hand.

She was going to kill me.

I pressed against her more firmly, my hips moving against the side of hers for some relief while I stroked her more quickly. I could hear her breathing quicken to moaning pants. I was lost in the feeling of her body grinding and shuddering against mine. Her soft pants sounded like my name, until she turned her head into my shoulder and moaned against me.

"More, faster."

I heard the bed as it moved, no longer just creaking, but the clear sound of movement as if moved and strained.

Creak. Groan. Whimper. Creak. Creakcreakcreak.

I listened to her as she pleaded in a breathy whisper. Over and over.

_More. More. More. Faster. More. _

And then she keened when I added another finger.

Any second, her dad would wake up to the racket.

But we were past the point of no return.

She was clawing at my shoulders, clutching me as I pumped into her, reminding myself to press a little harder against her clit to bring her more quickly.

Savoring was done.

Now it was about seeing her fall apart.

She was so close.

I could smell her in the room, making me heady and lusty and needy to see her come.

She was shaking, clawing, tensing, panting.

Creaking. Metal against metal, grating.

And the sound of me in her as I slid in and out.

Moaning. My name getting louder.

My breath, fighting back the low growl in the back of my throat as fought not to rip off her underwear and bury myself in her.

Snoring. Thank god there was still snoring somewhere in the symphony of getting Bella off.

"Yes, yes yesyesyes," she cried, a strained groan as I felt her tightening around me.

Pressing her body hard against mine as it clenched and froze in a beautiful display of hair spread out, eyes clenched tight, mouth open in a silent scream.

Neck strained.

Breasts high in the air.

Stomach tight.

Flushed skin.

And tight quaking clamping down on my curled fingers that slowed their pace to feel every inch of her as she collapsed and shuddered into the bed.

She panted beside me, her arms sliding off my shoulders to lie limply over her forehead.

I slowly slid my fingers out of her, fighting the urge to take them to my mouth.

I wanted to taste her.

Another day.

I could wait. As much as my body wanted more, I wanted this to be about her tonight.

She had let me in, with the danger of her father waking in the next room. I listened over our breathing and sure enough, he was still sawing logs in the next room.

I relaxed against her, letting my fingers trace across her skin as she caught her breath. She was still flushed and her hair was a mess. I liked the look of disarray on her. She looked absolutely beautiful, in a sexed up girl sort of way.

I wanted to see this often.

Bella, spent and naked and flushed and so beautiful.

A slow smile spread over her face, her eyes slowing opening to regard me. I pulled her closer to my body, forgetting about the pain in my groin for once. I simply wanted to kiss her and hold her in her post orgasmic bliss.

She hummed against my lips and wrapped her arms around me again, her tongue searching me out before she sighed and pulled away.

"That was so much more than I thought we'd get to do tonight," she whispered, grinning goofily.

I chuckled against her neck and nuzzled into her, smelling a new scent on her skin.

She smelled like sex.

The entire room was infused in her scent.

Vanilla and flowers and sex.

I could drown in that and be happy.

She eased herself free of my arms and pushed against my shoulder, back onto the bed with a load grating noise.

"This bed is going to fall apart," I teased and settled into the pillows, one arm lazily tracing down her spine as she shifted to sit up, looking down at me.

She scowled at me with pursed lips and pressed her hand a little more firmly against my chest as if to hold me in place.

"Shut up about my bed, Edward Cullen and stay put," she groused, leaning over to kiss me.

I couldn't help but reach up and stroke one of her breasts, hearing her squeak when I pinched her nipple lightly. She pulled away and watched her hand as it slowly slide down past my ribs, to my stomach.

My breath came a little faster, my stomach tightening at her tickling fingertips.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes and flashed me a wicked smile.

"Your turn."

Fuck me.

Oh god.

I swallowed and held my breath as I felt those fingers dip slower, over the fabric of my boxers until she hummed and let one solitary finger trace up the rock hard length of me straining against the fabric.

"You'll tell me how?" she whispered, looking up at me with those bright innocent eyes.

I wasn't going to last five seconds with that look.

Another finger joined the tracing. And then she leaned over and laid a lingering kiss over the tip of my covered cock.

Scratch that.

She was going to make me come before I was even out of my boxers.

Fuck control.

She shredded it.

Fuck I hoped the Chief slept through Round two.

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><p><em><strong>~~oo~~<strong>_

**AN: yep…. Imma cock tease… but I figured this was best told from Bella's POV… **

**Hehehe. **

**More… tomorrow. **

**This chapter is brought to you by Tempur-Pedic mattresses… they don't creak... BWHAHA**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	42. Chapter 42

**Hello all! So many of you were quite… frustrated with me blocking you from this part of the night. Well, it would have been the longest drabble chapter in history… snort… **

**I have never laughed so much as I have over the last set of reviews, from the Tempur-pedic testimonials to the worry over Charlie busting thru the door in his underwear, gun in hand. You guys are a hoot!**

**I'm taking a couple days off this week, so look for the next one on Friday. **

**I promise… no cliffy this time… there's…resolution. **

**Come On Closer**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 42: But it was throbbing.**

**BPOV**

I was floating. Died and gone to heaven sort of floating.

Every muscle in my body felt heavy.

Jesus Christ, where was the light to take me away.

I had to be dead.

Or I was dreaming.

That's it.

I had just had the most amazing sex dream ever.

One that seemed to continue when I felt warm fingers brushing across my skin.

Oh my, I wasn't dreaming.

This was real and Edward was amazing.

I had an amazingly skilled boyfriend.

I smiled and tried to open my eyes, it being so much more difficult because of the sated feeling in my body. Edward pulled me close against him, his lips drawing me in with a lazy caress over my mouth.

"Mmmm, that was so much more than I thought we'd get to tonight," I murmured slowly against his lips, feeling a little like I did when Renee gave me that hot buttered rum drink for Christmas.

Drunk. I felt a little drunk.

Everything now was so much more relaxed than it had ever been.

Well except for one thing.

And that one thing was pressed up against my stomach and I could swear it had its own beating heart.

The hard beating entity pressing close stirred me awake, made me move along Edward a little more surely. He was nuzzling against me, offering me small kisses along my skin when I eased him back into the covers, his eyes scrunching up when the bed creaked under his weight.

"This bed is going to fall apart," he joked, settling in to get more comfortable.

His arm lying under his head, so that his bicep rounded nicely for me to ogle, he looked like a god in my bed.

And he had a cocky smile on his face, no doubt from making me fall apart from his delightfully magical fingers.

Well.

He had it coming to him.

"Shut up about my bed Edward Cullen and stay put," I growled and kissed him, hoping I could show him just how much I appreciated what he had done.

His hand brushed at my breast again, fingers finding my nipple where he pinched it, making me yelp.

It surprised me more than hurt me, and his wicked look on his face made me think he enjoyed it too.

Biting his lip and raising his eyebrows at me, I wondered if this was another kink he had.

So far I liked everything he had revealed to me.

Even the bit about wanting to do it where we could get caught.

Charlie slept in the next room, and while I knew he was out like a light, it didn't mean he wouldn't wake up.

We had to be quiet still.

Because we weren't done.

I moved to sit up a little more, to take in the beauty that was his body.

Lying there so relaxed, as if the act of making me come had brought him his own release of sorts. Had he come to realize that this truly was different?

He was a totally different man than just a few hours ago.

He wasn't hiding anything. No hands in pockets, no hiding the tremendous hard on that fought his boxers. Did he even realize it was standing there, thumping with the same rhythm as his heart in his throat?

It was a little frightening actually.

I don't mean in an Elephant Man sort of way.

I mean, he was big. That was _obvious_.

But I was seconds from asking him if I could touch it.

Just touch it.

Okay, maybe more.

I understood the mechanics of a blowjob.

I... sorta… practiced in the eighth grade with my friends with our bananas at a sleep over.

They were surprised how far I could get mine in.

Well, that was a banana.

I doubted Edward's cock tasted like banana.

Exotic maybe.

But it was _throbbing_.

And did I say it was big?

And what would he taste like?

I really, really wanted to find out.

He needed a little release. He couldn't yank it all the time by himself right?

I studied his body again, at the strength in his arms, the cut of his chest as it sloped down to his stomach. Taut, firm. And the hair was a lighter version of the hair on his head. It glimmered slightly in the dim light.

It felt coarse against my fingers as it slide through them on the trek down his chest.

I felt his stomach tighten when I touched it, his breath catching in his throat.

I traced lower still, just above his boxers and the head of his cock that threatened to peek from above. Looking up at him, I felt the need in his eyes course through me.

"Your turn," I whispered, hoping I sounded remotely sexy.

His breath came out in a whoosh and I swear he twitched in his boxers.

But he made no move to stop me or tell me this wasn't what he wanted.

He _did_ want it.

Now just to learn how he liked it.

I held my breath, waiting for him to grab my hand away like he had that one day. But he remained frozen, one hand under his head, the other tracing quickening circles on the small of my back. I took that as a sign that he was willing and let one solitary finger trail over the material, tracing up the hard length of him.

So hard.

I understood now about calling it _rock hard_.

It was solid. _Thick_. It put stone statues to shame it was so rock hard.

I think I moaned.

That would be inside of me one day.

Hard and thrusting. Maybe even tonight.

If I did this right.

I looked up at him, at his flushed cheeks and darkened eyes and suddenly I felt like an amateur in the den of a pro. He looked at me with such intensity.

I didn't want to ruin this.

He had given an amazing performance. What if I didn't?

I mean, people gave bad handjobs. I'd heard Tyler and Mike talking behind Lauren's back.

I didn't want to be anything like Lauren.

"You'll tell me how?" I whispered, stroking along his length again.

His breathing sped up and his bicep flexed beside his head. I felt his hand at my back give me just the slightest pressure.

Urging me on?

I don't know.

But I took it as a silent request.

So I did what I felt he'd enjoy.

I leaned down and placed a long, soft kiss against the head of his cock, the fabric dulling the feeling I was sure, but still his hips twitched and he groaned.

"Fuck, Bella. I'm… gonna… woah,shit," he babbled, clenching his eyes as he shook his head back and forth, as if at war with himself.

I raised my head, leaving my hand covering him, intrigued by how hot he was there.

He let out another breath and eased his hand from behind his head, guiding it down to mine, pressing firmly against me for a second before he spoke.

His voice was rough and full of need.

"I want you to," he breathed. "Slow. Fuck, I need it slow. Or I'll come right away."

His words worked me up, the idea that he was teetering on coming because of me. I wanted more than anything now to take my time and give him the same enjoyment he had given me.

"Okay," I whispered and moved again to find his lips, hearing him whimper when I moved my hand from his. I pulled away and opened my eyes, his intent on mine.

"Slow," I assured him and slid my hand along his shoulder, stroking it much like he had done to me. I moved my lips along his jaw, darting my tongue out to taste the place where his jaw and neck came together. Making my way down his throat, I enjoyed the burn of his stubble along my tongue as I licked and kissed him.

He tasted like he smelled. A little earthy, clean. Salty.

I could bury myself in him. Or he into me, I suppose. Whatever, he smelled good.

I reached his shoulder, laying open mouthed kisses along the solid muscles there, enjoying the twitching of them as I covered every inch of him from shoulder to shoulder. All the while I stayed away from his lower body, seeing only that his hand had slipped away from his boxers and was now clenched at his side.

He was fighting. Something.

I looked up from his shoulder to see him staring at me, nose flared and jaw clenched. And his eyes were nearly black in the darkness as he watched me above him.

He was beyond tense.

"Is this all right?" I asked, sliding my hand over his chest to try and soothe him.

"Yes," he hissed, adjusting his hips beside mine.

My eyes trailed down his stiff body, landing on his boxers again.

"Tell me what you like," I whispered, and twirled my fingers through his chest hair, making him groan.

He wound one of his hands into my hair, tugging against me so that he could kiss me again, fiercely. I was pressed up close enough to feel his hips grind against me, searching for relief.

When he drew away, he was panting.

"God, Bella, you just have to touch me and I'm in heaven," he groaned and closed his eyes again.

"Let me take care of you," I whispered.

I kissed him softly on his tight lips.

"Let me see you," I said.

Slowly his eyes opened and they regarded me with so much hope.

"Relax and let me take care of you," I whispered.

His body relaxed incrementally, his breath coming a little easier.

Still panting, but not like he had run from his house.

"Show me," I requested, taking his clenched fist in my hand and easing it open.

I took it and placed it on my face, easing him to relax with my own body. He watched me as I took his hand and moved it slowly down my neck, cupping one of my breasts so that his eyes travelled to that, distracted. I closed my eyes to the feel of his hot palm on me, slipping my hand down his arm and across his chest once more.

When my hand reached his stomach his eyes shifted back up to my own, licking his lips in anticipation. His hand slid away from me, moving back to rest open beside him.

I ignored the noise of the bed and slowly crawled down to get a better position beside him, my hand tracing along the edge of his boxers, just as he had done to me. I looked up to find him watching me. He seemed to understand my silent request; his hips lifting up slightly to allow me to pull his underwear carefully down his hips. I kept my eyes on his, feeling his hand help me free him until his boxers reached his thighs. Edward let out a soft sigh when he was clear of the fabric. I moved again, kneeling beside him, eyes still concentrating on the dark depths of his.

Suddenly I didn't want to see it.

Ogle it.

Stare.

I wanted to make sure he knew, it was all him.

"Bella."

I moved to slide his boxers down his legs, my eyes finally concentrated on the long length of each leg. I wanted to ignore what lay half way up his body, and looked instead to his long feet. I let my hands trace over them, intrigued when his toes curled and flexed by my touch. Up over his ankles and working over the shape of his calves. He shifted his weight when I touched his knees, making the bed squeak loudly. It was almost as loud as his groan.

"Shhh," I teased, making the mistake of drawing my eyes back up to meet his.

Because there, hard and proud against his stomach, was Edward's treasure.

We both let out a noise and my hands stilled at the base of his thighs. My heart sped up as I took in the sight of him.

I had seen penises before.

In books.

Renee had all the Joy of Sex books and whatever self help to loving guides tucked neatly in her nightstand.

I had made the mistake of looking for matches one day.

So etched in my mind was some Seventies dude with a big pointy thing in his hand as his beardy face dove into some hairy woman's bush.

It was perhaps why I shaved and trimmed since I was twelve.

But the pointy cock pics had perhaps distorted my views of what they were in real life.

That or Edward was shaped more beautifully than any other man.

"Amazing," I whispered and traced my fingers up his thigh until I hovered over him, unsure how he wanted me to touch him.

But I wanted to touch it.

See if it was as hard as it was under the boxers.

Would it be soft?

Would it fit in my hand right?

I wanted to reach out and take it in my hand to see.

And just hold it so I could feel his heart beat in my palm.

"Show me," I whispered, my voice breathy.

"You just… fuck, Bella," he groaned and slid his hand down to take mine, holding it for a second over him before releasing it again. "Wrap your hand around it, lightly. Not too tight."

I hovered for a moment; afraid I'd hurt him.

Or would he explode like he said he would?

What would that be like?

I knew he'd feel bad about going quick, but really that was kind of exciting to think I got him that riled.

_"Bella."_

Licking my lips, I relaxed beside him and carefully let my hand settle down on his length, wrapping my fingers around him. He groaned again and I swear I felt him stiffen further in my hand.

He was hot and velvety smooth. Like new skin that had never seen abrasion or work.

"So soft," I breathed, hearing Edward choke and then chuckle above me.

I looked up and he smiled, shaking his head.

"That's the last thing I ever thought you'd say," he said, bringing his hand to mine, covering it lightly.

"I mean it's like velvet. Like you moisturize," I said.

"Bella," he croaked, clenching his eyes closed again and groaning. "You're killing me."

I smiled bashfully and looked again at the part of Edward that had played a part in my dreams for a couple weeks now. I felt his slight pressure on my hand and I followed, offering him a slow stroke up his shaft. He groaned and relaxed under me, his eyes watching as I stroked him lightly.

The skin of his cock glided smoothly in my hands, and I watched in fascination as I drew up close to his tip that the skin folded over some, protecting him.

Or aiding in arousing him.

"God that feels incredible," he whispered, his voice strained."Slow, just, wow."

His hand moved over again, tightening around mine to show me he liked it a little tighter.

Of course he did.

If you really thought about it, a was really just trying to be what it was like inside of me. So he'd want it tighter, sometimes full up and down, sometimes shallow.

Fast and slow.

Hey, Cinemax was very educational.

I decided to experiment a little.

Moving with more courage, I sped up, twisting slightly so that my thumb came in contact with the slit running up the underside of his tip. He groaned and his hips moved with me, urging me on.

If only it weren't so damn noisy in the bed.

Edward, tensed beneath me and grabbed onto the side of the bed, stilling his hips as I slowed.

"Slow, yes, slow," he hummed. He craned his neck back into the pillows and stretched his hips towards me extra slow.

The bed barely made a noise.

I resumed my slow and steady strokes, hearing him pant and hiss as his hips flexed in the air.

"Wet, good, but need… wet. In my jeans, or, woah. Just a little wet," he babbled.

I could tell it must feel weird without any lubrication. Like rubbing your arm over and over and over again with your hand.

The idea of Indian burn on Edward's cock made me cringe.

But I didn't have any lotion or lube in my room. It was all in the bathroom.

Locked out of my room.

I licked my lips, terrified of how he was going to take this.

I paused, hearing his panting stutter at the lack of stimulation. I took a breath, and leaned in, allowing my tongue to flatten out and travel up the underside of his cock.

I wasn't expecting the jerk reaction of his hips that thrust hard.

And the deep-throated grunt that echoed through the room.

His body slammed down into the bed, making it shudder with the force of him.

His eyes caught mine and they were frantic.

_"Do that again."_

I shivered at his voice.

Throaty.

Commanding.

Almost dangerous.

And sexy as hell.

I leaned in; eyes on his as I slowly opened my mouth and repeated the movement, tongue from base to tip.

I even added a little flick at the end.

His mouth opened, but no sound came out. He merely eyed me with dark eyes, asking.

Again.

So I did.

Lick and flick.

He tasted a little earthier here. Salty and all Edward.

And maybe lotion. It was hard to tell, because he was asking again.

So I did.

Again.

Lick and hover over him for a second before I let my lips envelope.

Just the tip.

He was saltier there.

He groaned and I felt his hips flex, pushing into my mouth a little more.

Slowly.

I pulled him out even slower, sucking on him slightly, which made him whimper.

A good kind of whimper.

And his eyes watched every move.

Tongue around the tip and then mouth covered more deeply, testing the banana theory.

Slow.

Mouth wet, he was easier to let sink into my mouth.

His mouth dropped, his eyes closed for an instant and then I was pulling away.

Slow.

Again.

"Bella," he moaned and moved underneath me, a little faster to prompt me to speed up.

So I did.

It wasn't so difficult to know what he wanted. He moved, I compensated. He moaned I knew I was doing it right.

And I liked it.

This was a lot easier than I thought it'd be. After all the conversations I had heard about hating to give blowjobs.

They were obviously doing it wrong.

Seeing him slowly fall apart, his breath coming faster, his head moving from side to side, craning. It was exciting to watch him.

I was burning up by the sheer delight of pleasing him.

I had forgotten about noise, and when he let out another garbled jumble of words, I reached up to clutch at his chest, to calm him. His hand reached for mine and his eyes blazed as I continued, feeling him stiffen and push a little more earnestly.

"Close, shit, Bella," he gasped, gripping my hand hard.

He threw his head back, a slow strained moan leaving his lips, and that was my only warning before he shuddered and let loose inside my mouth. I swallowed the slightly bitter taste down, slowing down until his hand slowly drifted down to my cheek, stilling me.

I eased him out of my mouth, letting his fabulous cock rest lazily on his stomach.

"Wow," I heard above me.

I looked up to find Edward's eyes closed, a ridiculous grin on his face as he fought to breathe.

His smile gave me a sense of proud accomplishment.

I'd done it. Made Edward feel the same pleasure I had, reducing him to a smiling and sated lump.

I slid up to lie against him, smiling into his eyes when they finally opened to regard me. His hand reached for mine, bringing it to his heart where I could feel it still beat quickly.

"That was my first blowjob," I said, his smile widening so much that his eyes nearly closed.

"Funny," he giggled, eyes twinkling. "Mine too."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

He hummed and turned on his side to hold me closer, wedging one of his legs between mine. His eyes searched mine out, the awe and happiness so clear in them I wanted to cry out in joy.

I did that for him.

"I'm realizing there's a lot I haven't done properly before," he whispered. "And that the rest doesn't matter."

I leaned in to kiss him and then paused, thinking better of it.

I mean, he had just… in my mouth.

But he reached for me and kissed me deeply humming against my tongue when his went searching.

"You taste good," he murmured. "I like that, a lot."

We lay there kissing for some time, finally breaking apart when I fought a yawn.

"It's late, but I don't want to go," he said, snuggling up to me more, making the bed squeak again. "But I should."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked, excited to see him as soon as I got off work.

"Appointment first thing in the morning," he yawned. "Then I'm free."

"I get off work at two," I replied.

His eyes were closed, but he smiled and snuggled closer.

"I still can't believe you'll be making cookies for other people," he said. "I'll come by so I can get some fresh ones."

"I think you get them pretty fresh from me already," I teased, sighing when he nudged his nose lower against my breasts.

"Ten minutes," he murmured. "Give me ten minutes and then I want more cookies."

I held him close, hands brushing softly through his hair as he sighed and relaxed against me. I knew he was falling asleep, and that we should get him out of the house. Looking at the clock, it was one thirty. Charlie would be up at four to go fishing.

I'd let Edward sleep a little bit.

I didn't expect to drift off myself.

But the feeling of a naked boy in my bed was comforting.

I drifted off, only to wake up around four to the sound of the shower in the bathroom.

I sat up, waking Edward in a rush.

"Edward!" I hissed. He sat up quickly, his hair flattened on one side while the rest stood every which way.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," he mumbled, looking around, out of sorts.

"My dad's up. You need to get out of here while he's in the shower," I pressed, slipping from the bed to find my sleep pants and a ponytail holder.

Edward scrubbed at his face and looked around for his clothes, hurriedly putting them on. When he was dressed, I peeked out into the hall to hear the shower still going and Charlie humming loudly.

"Come on," I whispered, waving Edward towards me. "We can sneak you out the front."

We tiptoed quickly down the stairs, every creak seeming to be louder than I remembered.

When we got to the door, Edward reached for me and kissed me quick.

"So tonight?" he asked. "We can go out tonight?"

I nodded and opened the door.

"Call me later," I whispered.

He grinned and leaned in again, kissing me by the ear.

"I enjoyed last night, thank you," he whispered.

I felt the flush to my toes and I pushed him out the door, grinning.

"Let's keep from getting caught so we can do it again," I teased and smiled when his eyes crinkled up.

"Definitely."

He gave me one more smile before bounding down the steps, taking off down the street to where I assumed his car was parked. Smart boy, parking it away from the house.

I smiled and picked up the paper on the porch, closing the door and heading to the kitchen. I caught my reflection in the china cabinet and cringed.

I looked properly fucked.

I pulled my hair up into a bun and tried to straighten my shirt, but it was no use, it was wrinkled from the night. I hastily threw on my sweat shirt and rushed through making coffee. I was halfway through making the toast when I heard Charlie walk in.

"You're up early," he said, a little surprised.

I nodded and poured him a cup.

"First day at work. I have to be there at six," I said trying to sound casual.

"Rough night? You look tired," he said and sat down at the table.

I swallowed and turned to grab the toast.

"I didn't sleep much," I replied.

Won't lie to Charlie. Won't lie to Charlie.

"We gotta get you a new bed, it creaks way too much," he said.

I felt my eyes widen as I buttered the toast.

Oh shit.

"It is pretty uncomfortable," I said, thankful my back was turned. I could feel my face heat up.

"Well between you talking in your sleep and tossing and turning, it's no wonder you didn't sleep well," he replied.

"I talked in my sleep?"

I turned to find Charlie blushing.

"Well, yeah. You must have been stressed last night," he hedged.

"What did I say Dad?" I asked, terrified that Charlie had heard everything.

He blushed more deeply.

"Mumbling, mostly. I don't know. Maybe an Edward or two," he said, uncomfortable. "I don't really know. It was late, I don't want to know what you dream about."

"Oh my god," I whispered, utterly mortified that not only had Charlie heard something, but now he thought I was having dirty dreams.

"Well, maybe if you had a better bed, you wouldn't have so much trouble sleeping, or…talking."

I looked at him, mildly surprised.

"Wait, you're saying I can get a new bed?"

He nodded and looked over his coffee mug.

"A twin bed," he said pointedly.

"Of course," I agreed, feeling the blush rise again. I looked down and picked at the lint on my sweatshirt.

"This Edward kid, he's good to you?" Charlie asked, studying his coffee mug. "I mean, with what his father said, not that I believe him. I just want you safe."

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling that warm flush that spread over me when I thought of Edward.

"He's good to me, Dad," I murmured. "He's been through a lot, but he's kind."

Charlie stood and cleared his throat, looking down in his usual uncomfortable stance when he had something serious to say.

"I know you two probably won't be holding hands and doing homework all the time," he said, clearing his throat again. "Just, um… you know. Be prepared and all that."

"Dad," I whined, embarrassed.

After the previous night, this was beyond awkward.

"I just don't want to walk in on anything," he continued, his mustache wrinkling up with his nose.

"Eww, can we not talk about this," I groaned and turned to my cool refuge, the refrigerator.

"Well, you're an… adult and all. I can't stop you from having… a relationship," he stammered.

"Dad, it's good. Honestly," I replied in a rush.

He shuffled next to his chair.

"Okay. Well, we'll figure out something. I'm not so naïve that I don't think you won't hang out here, doing…homework when I'm working," he said. "Just not in the living room."

"Ugh! Dad!" I cried.

"I'm just saying!" he said, laughing now.

"I'm going to go take a shower now," I grumbled and moved to the door.

"Probably a good thing, your hair looks like you let a raccoon in it," he joked, but then a little more softly, where he didn't think I could hear, "Or something."

"Bye, Dad! You're not getting any pastries today!" I bellowed from the stairs, taking the stairs two at a time.

I closed the bathroom door and groaned at the weird relationship I had with my dad.

That had been the most awkward conversation ever. One that left me thinking hard on what he had said.

It was entirely too convenient to have the sex talk so soon after Edward had snuck in.

I was starting to think that Charlie knew way too much.

Maybe he was the sly one.

If he had any inkling as to what had happened in my room, I didn't want to know.

And he didn't want to admit it.

And that's why I loved my dad.

Even if it was awkward as hell.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Did good Bella… awwww. **

**So many of you were so concerned about her bed, LMAO. **

**And that Charlie would freak out. **

**Well, I am sure the next time he sees Edward, he'll have the man to man talk.**

**Who thinks Charlie is wiser than the kids think? That man is Police Chief after he's down with the kids. **

**But Charlie? There's a lot you can still do in a Twin sized bed…JS… **

**I'll be taking a couple days off from posting. This seemed a good place to hold. Lots of silliness at work, and these jumbo chapters killed my time this weekend, so look for a new chapter come Friday. Promise. **

**Love to you! Your reviews make me giggle and smile! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	43. Chapter 43

**Hello again! Yay for FFn getting its act together again! For those that read over on my LJ, thanks!**

**I may have to switch to every other day or so for the next week or so… I am starting my first round of tech weeks here… sigh. I need a sugar daddy… or a sugar momma. I'm not picky…. **

**So a little bit of Edward today! Enjoy!**

**The Way You Make Me Feel- Bruno Mars cover of Michael Jackson**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 43: Being kinky isn't a sin, Edward.**

**EPOV**

Sneaking back into my house was not as easy as sneaking into Bella's window. Esme was a light sleeper typically. But this time she seemed dead asleep, the sound of my car pulling up into the driveway and the stairs creaking doing nothing to warn her that I was home at early five in the morning.

Emmett, however heard me and peeked out of his bedroom to give me a thumbs up.

Sometimes I really hated my brother.

And other times he made me feel like a stud.

I wasn't really sure which time this was, so I simply flipped him the bird and cracked a smirk as I closed my door.

I was sure I'd think he was a prick by breakfast when he asked me the details to my late night.

I flopped into bed with a grin and lay there for sometime, remembering everything about the night before.

Kissing Bella. Everywhere I could.

Seeing her skin flushed in the dim light.

I could still smell her on me.

And then what she did.

I felt myself stiffen at the memory of her lips around me, how warm and wet her mouth was as it travelled up and down the length of my cock. I didn't want to touch it for fear that it just wouldn't measure up to Bella's incredible mouth.

Of course lust won out and I was naked and warm in my bed, imagining her there with me in no time. I replayed our night together as I stroked myself, feeling a sort of jubilation over the progress we had made. And now that I had more tangible images of Bella, my private time with myself was bittersweet as I came.

I needed her again.

I wanted her again.

And again.

I wondered if she would think me insatiable if I begged her to suck me off again tonight.

Because that was the best thing I had ever experienced.

Ever.

Sated, my eyes slid shut just as the sun was coming up, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking only of Bella.

I awoke to the knocking on my door, mildly irritated to being pulled from my dreams.

But when I saw the time, I groaned and worked my way out of my covers. I was going to be late if I didn't hurry. Esme called to me that she'd make me breakfast while I showered, and I rushed through my routine to meet her fifteen minutes later in the kitchen.

She offered me a raised eyebrow when I came in, chuckling behind her hand.

"You look refreshed," she teased. "Did you get in late? I didn't hear you."

"Um, yeah, after midnight," I replied, feeling her eyes on me. I busied myself with pouring some coffee, needing a little boost for the day.

"Are you seeing Bella today?" Esme asked. "You can bring her here if you like. I can make a nice dinner."

I slid into my seat and shrugged, taking a bite of my toast.

"She's at work until two. She got a job working at the bakery," I replied. "I'm not sure how tired she'll be afterward."

I hoped not too tired. Maybe coming here was a good idea. She could take a nap.

In my bed.

"The bakery?" Esme asked, her face perking up. "Well that will be interesting."

"How so?" I asked.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Just that she's baking. That's all," she replied and set to work on the dishes.

I shovelled my eggs into my mouth and swallowed back as much coffee as I could before standing.

"I gotta go," I said and leaned in to peck Esme on the cheek. "Thanks for breakfast, I'll be home after lunch."

I took off towards the hospital, happy for the sunshine that peeked between the clouds.

Today was different.

Today was a new start.

Today was good.

"Well look who's smiling today!" Alice said as I stepped into her office.

I scrubbed at my face, a little embarrassed at my good mood.

"Don't be upset, Edward," Alice rushed. "I'm sorry. It's just wonderful to see a smile on your face."

I flopped into the chair across from her desk and allowed myself to smile again.

"It's been an interesting week," I conceded.

Her casual demeanor softened a little and she nodded, letting out a soft sigh.

"Did you want to talk about your father and his leaving first, or maybe what has you walking in here with a spring in your step?" she offered.

I frowned at mention of Carlisle.

"Do we need to talk about him?" I asked, feeling my mood sour almost immediately.

She leaned back in her chair and shook her head.

"We don't have to," she replied. "But I would think you have some questions or worries about what happened last weekend."

I shook my head and straightened up in my chair.

"Since he's been gone, I haven't felt as bad about myself," I volunteered. "Except for Esme being sad over his leaving, things have gotten better."

I know it sounded cruel, but I was glad he wasn't there. The house felt a little safer without his presence.

Alice was quiet for a moment, looking towards her wall of photos as if recalling a memory.

It made me wonder.

"How do you know Carlisle and Esme?" I asked. "You knew them before you came here."

She turned and her eyes were a little unfocused, still in her memory.

"I was friends with them in Chicago, before they adopted you," she said, her voice a little sad.

"Did you treat my mom?" I continued, curious to their relationship.

Alice nodded and then her eyes refocused, concentrating on me.

"But that is between your mother and I. We're here for you today," she said, smiling.

"Esme told me about her past, and what she and Carlisle were into," I said. "Is that why I am the way I am?"

Alice frowned and shook her head.

"The way you are?" she asked.

I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"Is that why I am seeing you for my sexual problems?" I asked. "Because of them?"

Alice's laughter brought my head up quickly, watching her as she fought to control her laughter and wipe at her eyes.

"Edward," she said, trying to control herself. "I really don't believe you have an addiction."

I shook my head at her, confused.

"Then why am I here?" I asked in a huff.

She sobered up quickly and looked at me with more compassion than I had seen in anyone.

Except maybe Bella.

"Because while you may not have an addiction, Edward, you were still made to believe you did," she said quietly. "And regardless of how you feel about your relationship with Tanya, you were subjected to a kind of abuse that can carry with you into other relationships. You are here so we can work those out."

I stared at her, a little taken aback.

"I don't have an addiction?" I asked. "What about the number of times I have to relieve myself? Or the thoughts in my head? What about my urges?"

She shifted in her chair and shook her head.

"If you were acting on your urges with every girl in your school, I'd worry," she said, her face back to the normal composure I was used to. "As far as your frequency, that's a compulsion we can work on, but it's not sexually based. It's based on a need for affection, Edward."

I looked at her dubiously.

I was getting a lot of affection these days, but that didn't stop me from jacking off twice this morning to thoughts of Bella.

"Have you been as frequent in your private moments since you have been with your girlfriend?" she asked pointedly.

"Well, no," I conceded. "But I still do it a lot."

"So does every other teenage boy, Edward," she retorted. "It might take you a little time to work your way down to once or twice a day, but as you receive affection from those you love, you won't be as inclined to do it yourself."

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

I certainly didn't want Bella jerking me off several times a day to accommodate.

"I don't mean that you'll have someone else do it for you," she replied, as if she read my mind. "I mean that as you receive any affection from someone, you will lose the urge to need to do it yourself."

It was true, doing it myself didn't have the same level of excitement as when she touched me, and I was discovering the I could wait in anticipation for her rather than take care of it myself. Friday I had actually avoided the bathrooms for most of the day.

Amazing.

"So let's keep this session light then if you want," she suggested and smiled. "Anything good happen this week?"

I couldn't help the smile that crept over my face.

"I have a girlfriend," I replied, grinning when I noticed her smile.

"And does this girlfriend have a name?"

"Bella," I replied, and didn't care that my voice sounded like some girl's, speaking about her date the night before.

Bella did that to me.

"And you have been progressing with her I take it, judging by your smile and more cheerful outlook?"

I nodded, a little embarrassed.

How much did I have to say to her?

"Well, good," she said and clapped her hands together, startling me a little. "You need normal interactions with someone of the opposite sex, Edward. And as long as you are taking this one step at a time and not struggling with things you have done in the past, this is a good step."

I frowned at her comment.

I did think of some things I had done with Tanya when I was with Bella. Mostly things I wanted to do differently and better, but they were still in my mind.

"That will happen," she replied when I asked her about it. "Much like Bella might think about her past boyfriends and how much better you are than they are."

Bella wouldn't think about other people when she was with me would she?

"Relax, Edward," Alice consoled me. "Why don't we address your worries about your thoughts, and we'll leave her thoughts to herself for now."

I tried to push Bella out of my head and concentrate on my own fears.

It was hard.

Because I was afraid of disappointing her.

"Everyone fears that," Alice said. "It's why relationships take work and communication."

"She doesn't seem very afraid," I replied softly.

"And she knows about your history?"

I nodded.

"I told her last week after seeing you," I said.

"Well that's good," Alice replied and leaned forward some in her chair. "And she's not afraid. That means she's special."

I wholeheartedly agreed.

And that's what scared me.

"What scares you about her being special?" Alice asked.

"That she might freak out when she learns more about what I like," I explained. "She was all for it last night, but that was simple. What if she freaks out when we get serious?"

Alice had me explain in a very general detail about the night before, all the while staring at me calmly. When I had finished describing how we had spent the night, in her fathers house, she finally let out a soft breath and nodded.

"Edward, I think you need to understand something before you continue to flog yourself over certain tastes," she said, very matter of fact.

I nodded for her to continue.

I wanted to understand it so I could figure it out before subjecting Bella to anything she would find offensive.

"Edward, I don't necessarily condone you sneaking into your girlfriends bedroom in the middle of the night, while her police chief father sleeps in the next room," she said simply. "But you are allowed to want your girlfriend in ways that some may not understand. It's okay to be kinky."

"Kinky," I said, repeating the word and cringing.

Bella was a virgin. The last thing she needed was a kinky boyfriend to warp her idea of sex.

Wasn't that what Tanya had done to me?

"No," Alice replied firmly. "This is where you need me to help you understand the difference."

Was there really a difference? I had just molested Bella in her bedroom and gotten off on the idea of being caught. While Tanya had wanted to be caught too.

"What Tanya did was bait you into a situation that you had no control over. And that goes against every rule for a Domme to do to her Sub. She was supposed to protect you and share the experience, not exploit it. She gives a very negative view of what that lifestyle can offer. She took something that you might have found pleasure in and manipulated it. But what your wants are valid, just as your partner's are. Just because Tanya did something one way, it doesn't mean you have to find fault with it, especially if you found enjoyment in any of it."

"I don't want Bella to be my Sub," I insisted. "I don't want to be kinky."

Alice quirked her eyebrow at me.

"Being kinky isn't a sin, Edward," she replied simply.

"But Bella isn't into that," I replied, embarrassed again.

"How do you know?"

"She's," I stammered. "She's just not experienced in that regard."

"Does she enjoy being with you, Edward?" Alice asked.

I nodded.

She enjoyed last night. That I knew.

"Then talk with her," Alice replied. "Open and honest discussions go a long way. And being excited by something that you deem as kinky or perverted really may not be so strange to your partner. As long as you both are respectful to each other's needs, and you find enjoyment in what you do without hurting the other, that is what matters. You might find she has similar interests. "

"We do talk a little about it," I conceded. "She's really open about that."

Alice smiled and stood up, signalling the end of our session.

"Well, good. I think I like this girl," she said. "Just keep the communication open and take it slowly, Edward. Relationships are more than simply physical."

I stood with her and walked towards the door.

"Next week?" I asked.

She grinned up at me.

"Absolutely. We still have things to work through. Just call me if you need anything throughout the week, okay? You're doing really well, Edward."

I left her office feeling a little better over things.

We had successfully avoided conversation about Carlisle.

I wanted nothing to ruin my mood in anticipation of seeing Bella in a few short hours.

Seeing as how I had a few hours to kill before her shift was up, and rather than stalking her at her job on her first day, I ran a few errands.

Car washed.

And detailed, just in case we spent some time in it this evening.

I stopped off at the drug store.

For…_things_.

Not that I thought we would move that quickly.

But I wanted to be prepared.

Who knew there were so many kinds of condoms?

I decided on a variety pack.

Just in case.

So when one thirty finally rolled around, I couldn't take it anymore.

I was hungry, and I was missing Bella.

The idea of walking into a shop that smelled of delicious baked goods that maybe she had made whittled away my will power to stay away. The anticipation skyrocketed when I pulled up to the small bakery, seeing people inside.

I'd just go in and wait patiently.

Get some cookies and sit.

I wouldn't disturb her.

I'd be calm and collected.

Imagine my utter shock when I walked in to find Bella at the counter, laughing and carrying a conversation with a short dark haired woman whose back was turned to me.

And the man behind the counter.

I recognized him.

Fuck me.

"Can I help you?" the man said, silencing Bella's happy laughter.

She looked at me and grinned.

"Edward," she said with a bright smile on her face.

And to my horror, I watched as the woman turned and I was left looking into the eyes of my therapist. She had changed her clothes into a more relaxed pair of jeans and nice top, which is perhaps what threw me. She looked relaxed and a little odd outside of her suit.

"Come say hello to my boss, Jasper and his wife, Alice!" Bella was saying, waving me over.

I walked carefully towards them, my eyes on Alice for any sign she had revealed who she was.

I mean, it wasn't a secret.

Bella knew I was in therapy.

But this was just… awkward.

"Edward, this is Alice."

I swallowed and took Alice's hand, shaking it lightly.

"Hello, Edward," she said, smiling.

"And this is Jasper," Bella continued, gesturing to Jasper.

"I've heard a lot about you, Edward," the man said, a strong hand taking mine.

"You have?" I asked, the panic rising in my voice.

Bella blushed and smiled at me.

"Jasper was intrigued by FC," she admitted and pointed over to Junior.

"FC?" Alice asked, that eyebrow quirking again.

"It's some biology experiment they have to do together," Jasper was explaining. "That's how Bella met her boyfriend, in Biology class."

Alice smiled towards me and glanced back at Bella, nodding in approval.

"Well, you two look absolutely adorable together," she said and looked at her husband. "Why don't you let Bella go early so they can enjoy the rest of this pretty Saturday."

I watched as Bella wrapped up her duties, Alice munching on a cookie and glancing at me every now and then. It wasn't until Bella retreated to the back to grab her back pack that Alice turned to me.

"I didn't mean to intrude, I swear," she said, nodding her head to her husband. "But when you said her name was Bella, and Jasper said his new employee, Bella was starting today, I was a little curious. I like her. She is really energetic."

I didn't really know what to say.

I was sure this would be a long topic next week.

And this was a little awkward. How would Bella react when she knew that she worked for my therapist's husband?

This was like a small town Twilight Zone episode.

"You'll be fine, Edward," Alice continued and patted me on the arm. "She can handle anything you give her."

I was opening my mouth to say something when Bella came out, Junior in one hand and a box of baked goods in the other.

"I made you some cookies," she said, winking.

Normally I would have come back at her with something witty, but Alice was hiding a smirk and Jasper was outright grinning.

I took Junior out of her hands and waved to the Whitlocks, steering Bella out of the store before I embarrassed myself.

I'd need to tell Bella about Alice. Later.

But first, I really wanted to sample her cookies.

Somewhere private.

I had a couple ideas.

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**So Edward learns that Bella is working with Japser Whitlock… should be interesting bed time conversation. **

**More soon! **

**Maybe not tomorrow, but i hope Sunday FFn Willing! MWAH!**

**steph**


	44. Chapter 44

**AN: Happy Sunday all! **

**I hope ya'll have survived the fever that was/is BD DVD release. I have been enjoying all the smexy gifs people are posting…. Ah back porn… the best inspiration possible. **

**Not for this chapter though. Sorry. This is all about cookies… and kneading… and well, you get it. **

**Pour Some Sugar On Me- Def Leppard (thanks Vanessa! This is prefect!)**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 44: He was funny. And strange.**

**BPOV**

"What is _that_?" Jasper asked.

I turned with FC in my hands.

"What?"

"_That_," he said and pointed at FC.

"Oh," I said and looked down at the flour sack. "This is Flour Child. It's supposed to be my kid. It's this weird Biology Project we have to do. We have to take care of it as if its our own. My boyfriend had an appointment, and I can't really leave it in the car. Child endangerment and all."

I was babbling.

I was nervous.

It was my first day, and I really wanted to make an impression.A good one, not a babbling idiot one.

"That's supposed to be your kid?" he asked, looking at FC like it was a freak of nature.

"Um, yeah," I replied awkwardly, looking down at its closed eyes and copper hair. It didn't really look like me. "I mean, I hope you don't mind. Is this weird? It's not going to make any noise or anything, I just couldn't leave it at home."

Jasper shifted on his feet and crossed his arms around his chest, as if uncomfortable.

"But," he said and then leaned in to whisper, "This is a bakery, Bella. Don't you think it's wrong to have it here, with what we do."

I looked at him, blinking.

"It's… supposed… to be a kid. It's not really real, Jasper," I said, in the same whisper.

He wrinkled his nose and looked around the kitchen.

"But," he said again, tightening his arms, "Won't it be traumatized when you start baking?"

"What?" I asked, laughing.

"You're… you're going to be using it's cousins any minute!" he said, pointing towards the huge container of flour next to the mixers. "Can you imagine? Having to sit and watch your mother, as she kills other flour babies to make something she will later eat? The horror!"

And I thought_ I_ was strange.

"Um, I can just put it in my backpack, I guess," I suggested, earning me a look of shock from my boss.

"And risk suffocation?" he exclaimed.

I wasn't sure whether he was being serious or not.

I decided to simply set it up on the counter by the door to the display cases, watching Jasper as he continued to eye it warily.

That was the start of my very strange first day with Jasper.

It only got stranger as we went about the routine of opening up for the day.

Jasper showed me how to work the larger mixers, and his laminated recipes he used for the basic cookies and pastries he made. He had been at work since four that morning, so the first batch of croissants and muffins were already on display for when he opened at seven.

But I was quickly set to task on making dough for the several types of cookies he made.

Snickerdoodles. Sugar of many types, almond, and even from shortbreads I looked forward to making. We made huge amounts of dough, separating them into sizable portions and placed them in the refrigerator so that he could bake them in smaller batches.

"We don't do as much business as I probably could in the big city, but it's the pleasure of creating that inspires me," he said as he rolled out some of the dough he had mixed for cinnamon rolls.

"What made you want to be a baker? In Forks?" I asked, cringing into the mixer as I poured in the sugar for his cinnamon icing. My filter was a little nosy today.

He laughed and shook his head as he rolled the dough out a little more aggressively. His laugh sounded a little forced. But when he looked up, the cheerful demeanor was back.

"It's quiet here in Forks. Not a lot of distractions," he said and kneaded the dough. "And baking takes my mind off things."

He didn't explain further, but as I watched him, I noticed odd things about him as he worked.

He hummed while he worked, which wasn't so weird, except he hummed the same few notes over and over. I had no idea what that song was, but judging by his age, I assumed it was some 80's hair band and left it at that.

Humming aside, he was good at his job.

He was very meticulous about how his work.

Perhaps a little obsessive.

His cinnamon rolls had to be a certain size, the exact same curve as the inside of his hand from thumb to tip of index finger. And when he spread the icing along the dough, he was gentle with it, like a sort of caress.

I turned and tried to hide my surprise at his loving nature to baked goods.

I was obviously the perv here.

Thinking he liked rubbing in icing on his sticky buns.

Which of course got me thinking about Edward and his buns.

And how much that icing would look good on him.

I liked cinnamon. But perhaps it would burn.

I was hopeless.

"Something wrong?"

I looked up and shook my head, feeling my blush rage across my face.

I had to stop thinking about Edward for at least part of the day, right?

"So tell me about this boyfriend of yours," Jasper continued and slid his trays into the oven. "You just moved here, you must be quite the charmer."

And cue renewed blush.

"He's my Biology partner, so we just kind of fell together, really," I said, glancing over at FC.

"And who says science isn't romantic!" Jasper said, laughing.

"I guess," I mumbled and started to roll out my own dough.

"Nice," he commented, leaning over to judge the size of my dough roll. He nodded noncommittally and I wondered if maybe I needed to measure like he did. I fought the urge and simply rolled it out as Nana had always taught me.

He went back to humming his strange tune and I went back to my dough.

We fell into a comfortable silence as I rolled out dough for shortbread cookies, smiling as I thought about what kind of shapes I could make them into. Nana had made shortbread cookies with a little cherry in the middle, which now reminded me of a nipple. Jasper had given me free license on the cookies, so I decided to make some of Nana's, along with a variety of square and chocolate covered cookies. I really wanted to make Madeleine's, but I figured I'd slowly integrate them in. No use showing off my first day.

My cherry cookies were a good introduction.

If they looked perverted to Jasper he kept his mouth shut, but I was sure he smirked when he saw me working on them.

When opening time came around, we had the first batch finishing up in the oven and the bakery smelled like fresh cookies. I stayed in the back for the first hour while he met with his early customers, his regulars as he called them. He seemed to know exactly what they wanted and had them taken care of easily. By the time I had worked through most of my dough for the day, I was feeling rather accomplished with taking over a quarter of his display case.

"You want to run the front for a bit? I have rolls I need to put in the oven before the next rush gets here," he said.

"Um, I've never run a register before," I admitted.

He grinned and pulled me towards it.

"Nothing to it. I have I computerized. All the cookies are the same price, as well as the muffins and danishes. You just hit the food item and the number you are selling and it tells you how much they owe," he said.

He talked me through it and watched as I took the next two customers, two women that seemed more preoccupied with Jasper than the muffins they were buying. He was very gracious in answering their questions, but I noticed the uncomfortable shuffle of his feet before he suggested they try some of the muffin sample he laid out.

They went at it like vultures.

I glanced back at Jasper as he disappeared conveniently to the back.

I guess he was attractive. For an old guy. He was still fit, no beer belly like Charlie was starting to form, and he was maybe younger than Charlie, but his blond hair was way too long for me.

I shook my head in disinterest and turned back to the newest customers as they walked in.

It was a slow, steady stream of people as the morning wore on, many of whom recognized me and seemed genuinely excited to try out my cookies. It was a nice feeling when I watched my part of the case slowly diminish to empty trays.

It was nearing ten when Jasper came out, holding FC rigidly from his extended arms. He looked almost pained as he carried it, like those new fathers that discover babies actually poop.

"I can't handle it looking at me while I bake," he said, handing it to me and wiping his hands across his apron like it had made a mess on him.

"Um, just so you know, he's blind," I said, feeling a little feisty. "So he wasn't really looking at what you were doing."

Jaspers nose wrinkled up again and that uncomfortable arm crossing started again.

"So that's why its eyes are like that?" he whispered and then covered his mouth. "Blind people can hear really well. Crap, I bet it has heard everything I said!"

I couldn't help but laugh at him.

He was funny. And strange.

"It's true," he continued in a hushed tone. "They have a heightened sense of hearing, and touch, and smell. Crap. I bet I can smell everything. You're cruel, you know that?"

"Because it can smell it's cousins baking?" I said, giggling.

Jasper shook his finger at me and narrowed his eyes.

"Mark my words. Until you've experience what it has, you'll never know what it's thinking," he admonished. "Have you even tried to figure things out with your eyes blindfolded. It's a different experience, believe me."

He swallowed and cleared his throat, as if he had said something he didn't want to, and then turned without another word and retreated to the back, humming that short tune again, although it had sped up. A minute later, it sounded like every mixer was turned on.

I dismissed his odd behavior for the simplicity of him being a little strange and concentrated on cleaning. His words had me thinking though.

Losing one sense heightened others.

It was an interesting idea that I thought perhaps should be looked into. We were supposed to relate to our flour children in some way.

So why was I suddenly grinning at the idea of being blindfolded with Edward.

This was not something I should be thinking about at work!

_After,_ maybe.

But now, I was flushed and scowling at FC for making me think perverted thoughts at its expense.

I was coming out of the back with a new batch of cookies when I heard the door chime and looked up, nearly losing my cookies at who was strolling in, an evil leering grin on his face as he stepped up to the counter.

Dr. Creepy was here, and he was checking out my cookies.

Freshly baked ones, although I noticed him eye my apron too.

Perv.

"Well, I had heard something about you working here," he said, all smooth charm and slippery grace.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen," I stammered, not sure how to react to him.

I wanted to belt him.

But that would probably mean this would be my last day.

"And how are we today, Bella? Things going well?"

I swallowed and stepped to the side, hoping that by distracting myself in setting my baked goods into the display case, I wouldn't say anything that would get me fired.

"I came in to talk to Jasper, but what a pleasant surprise it is to see you here. How is my boy treating you?" he said, leaning against the counter like he owned the place.

I wasn't sure which boy he meant.

Edward or Jasper. How did he know my boss?

"I'll tell Jasper you're here," I said and moved to retreat to the back where jasper was.

"No witty remarks about me and my son? Or have you seen what he is capable of?"

I turned to let him have it when I heard the back doors open, feeling a strong hand clamp over my shoulder. It was strangely calming, knowing that Jasper was there suddenly.

Because Dr. Cullen scared the crap out of me the way he eyed me.

"Carlisle, what can I do for you?" he said from behind me.

Dr. Cullen shifted and stood, his leering smile turning a little cold.

"Send her in the back. I must speak with you alone," he said, his voice low and commanding.

"There is nothing to say, Carlisle," Jasper replied, his hand tightening on my shoulder slightly. "And I am not yours to be ordered about."

Dr. Cullen's smile widened slightly and his eyes flicked towards me for an instant.

"Just because you moved to quiet little Forks doesn't mean you gave up on things, Whitlock. Or did you? You're right. You are not mine to order. But you can relay a message," he said and took a step down the counter to get a little closer to us.

I felt Jasper's fingers dig in a little. I tensed out of reflex. Apparently Jasper didn't find Dr. Creepy easy to deal with either.

"Tell her I will not be cuckolded. I have seniority, even here in Forks. And what's mine will remain mine," he said, flicking his eyes at me again. "And that includes my son."

I felt Jasper's hand pull me back a little. I had no idea I had tried to pull away, but I welcomed his support when Dr. Cullen smirked and laughed.

"Your message has been taken, Carlisle," Jasper said coolly. "Is there anything else?"

"You'll see soon enough, Bella. My son will show you soon enough. Don't say I never warned you."

Dr. Cullen glanced at me again before turning and strolling out, not bothering to wait for an acknowledgement. As soon as the door closed, I heard Jasper let out a breath and his hand slipped away.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "I'm sorry if he scared you. He's not in the best place right now."

I shook my head and took my own breath, rubbing at my chest that suddenly felt tight.

"He didn't say anything to you before I came out, did he? What was that about his son?" Jasper continued, turning me around gently. His eyes took in my apparently worried face and he frowned.

"I'm dating his son," I confessed. "He's been against it since we started. He thinks I am a dangerous influence."

Jasper's frown deepened.

"You mean Edward Cullen?"

I nodded and watched as Jasper's eyes widened and he looked back out towards the door. Then his smile crept over his face and he chuckled.

"I highly doubt you're dangerous, Bella," he said and patted me on the shoulder. "I need to make a call, do you want to pack up the last of your cookies in the back to take home?"

I knew he was dismissing me to alert whoever _she_ was that Dr. Creepy had mentioned, but since this was my first day, I wasn't going to push my luck by interrogating my boss.

I assumed it was probably Esme.

And really, I only cared that this wouldn't hurt Edward. The rest of them could deal with whatever they had to deal with. They were all supposed to be the grown ups

I nodded and slipped away, starting to think that I had fallen into some twisted soap opera in my life.

Forks was becoming more dramatic than Phoenix ever was.

Everyone seemed to know everyone else, and I had to wonder how Jasper knew the Cullens.

It was all too surreal.

As soon as my cookies were neatly packed away into a box for Edward and my work area was cleaned up, I slipped out to the front again to find Jasper leaning over the counter towards a pretty dark haired lady who had her hands in his hair. His eyes were closed and he looked almost asleep, with a lazy smile on his face while she rubbed.

I think Jasper was purring.

I said he was strange.

"Is this Bella?" the woman said and her eyes took me in with disguised glee.

Jasper slowly opened his eyes and nodded.

"Bella, this is my lovely wife, Alice," he said, smiling lazily. "Alice, this is my newest addition, Bella."

I took a step towards them, not sure if I was intruding.

If only it was closer to two, I could say my quick hello and hide in the back.

But Alice extended her hand and a wide smile broke out across her face.

"I've heard great things about you, Bella! I'm so happy to meet you!" she said, her smile never wavering. She seemed very nice.

I glanced over at Jasper who was taking the exchange from his wife with more interest.

I wondered just how much he could possibly say about me in such a short time. What do you learn from someone in one day in a bakery?

"It's good to meet you too," I murmured and offered her a shy smile.

She seemed nice. Maybe she was the normal one. While she was short, she made up for it in her expressive eyes as she took me in, still smiling.

"So how did you enjoy your first day?" she asked and made herself comfortable against the counter, her hands slipping from her husband as he slowly stood.

"It was interesting," I said, glancing back at Jasper to see if he was maybe testing me.

"She makes incredible cookies!" he exclaimed. "Not that I had any, but they sold out. She's a natural. She knows her cookies."

Alice quirked her eyebrow at Jasper and I was surprised to see him blush and dip his head down slightly.

"So it was a good day then?" she asked, looking at her husband.

He nodded and then looked over at me, smiling.

"A good day when I can find someone who likes the joy of baking as much as I do," he commented.

"Well, maybe then that means you can finally start taking some time off," she said, winking at him before she turned to me. "Do you know how hard it is to get a date out of a man that gets up at three in the morning. He's asleep before primetime!"

"You said you always wanted to date the Dunkin Donuts guy. So here I am!" he teased.

"I'm just in it for your sticky buns," she shot back and leaned in to kiss him.

I laughed nervously and shuffled beside them, feeling like a third wheel in their teasing.

"So do you bake for your boyfriend?" Alice asked innocently.

"I, uh. How did you know I had a boyfriend?" I asked and glanced at Jasper. He opened his mouth for a second and then closed it, watching his wife with a strange look.

"I am sure you must, you are too pretty to not have one," she said and patted Jasper's hand when he reached out to touch her along her arm.

I blushed and looked down, a little bashful.

If Jasper knew the Cullen's, chances were that his wife would as well.

"I do, actually. He's only had my cookies, so far," I replied and could feel my face get more heated.

"Wait until I get you started on sticky buns and pies. You said you liked to make pie," Jasper said, seemingly oblivious to all the innuendos flying around.

But one glance at Alice and I knew, she was as perverted as I was.

Because she was smirking.

I rolled my eyes, trying to make light of my poor use of words and switched instead to questions.

"So what do you do?" I asked.

"I'm a doctor," she said, grinning. "Psychology and what not."

"She's my sugar mama," Jasper said, winking at her.

"Well you need sugar to bake," I replied, laughing at my stupid comment.

But Alice joined in, and soon we were all laughing and making bad baking jokes.

Which may be why I didn't hear him come in.

It wasn't until Jasper called out to him that I saw Edward standing by the door, looking a little shell-shocked.

"Edward!" I exclaimed, relieved to see someone normal for once.

As much as I liked Jasper, he and his wife were both a little strange.

It could be worse, I suppose. They could be ax murderers.

Or like the Cullens with their secret kinky past lives.

They were far more normal. Just strange in a happy sort of way.

"Come say hello to my boss, Jasper, and his wife, Alice!" I said, waving him over when he remained by the door.

I was sure he was being shy, maybe not expecting to meet people when he stopped by.

But he seemed to warm up slightly when he learned I had spoken about him to my boss. Surely he wasn't jealous of me working with an old guy?

I left him for a minute to go grab my things, grinning when I thought of offering him my cookies.

And maybe the things I actually baked today.

I was feeling mischievous, even with the lack of sleep.

And judging by the way he held me as we stepped out of the store, he was feeling something too.

"That was weird," he groaned and pulled me closer.

"Why was it weird?" I asked, looking up at his pensive face.

He covered his nerves with a smile and a quick kiss.

"I'll tell you later. You smell great," he murmured against my neck as we neared my truck.

"I feel kinda gross, like I'm sugar coated," I groused.

He groaned and leaned against my door, looking down at me hungrily.

"I'm starving Bella, and you have to say you're sugar coated?" he teased. "Now I want to eat you up."

I couldn't help but smile.

My mind had been in the gutter all day.

He looked past me back to the bakery and his smile wavered.

"Did you have a good day? You seemed to be having fun with your bosses wife," he said, his tone a little off.

I glanced back and shrugged.

"It was fun," I replied. "Alice had just come in to see Jasper. They're both a little odd, but in a good way I suppose."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice suddenly worried.

"She's just a little too happy, and he's a little weird. He couldn't handle FC being in the same room with him. Like it was watching him or something," I said, laughing.

Edward was still looking back at the bakery, his face showing that pensive side again before he shook himself out of it and then offered me another smile.

"I guess weird is normal in this town," he retorted.

"Does that make us the weird ones?" I asked.

"Maybe," he replied and leaned in to kiss me. "If it is, I like being weird with you."

His kiss lingered and he hummed against my lips.

"You _are_ sugar coated," he said against my lips. His body moved closer, and I could tell he needed more. "You want to go someplace?"

"I need to take a shower," I said, feeling a little heady from his kiss.

"Killing me, Bella," he groaned and pulled away reluctantly. "Can I pick you up in an hour then? I missed seeing you today."

I grinned and let him open my door.

"Make it half an hour, I want to be out of the house before Charlie gets back," I said and started up the truck.

"Did you get in trouble?" he asked, his face wrinkling up in concern.

"Not really," I said, chuckling. "But let's just say I'm getting a new bed after last night."

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but I leaned in and kissed him hard.

"Half an hour, Edward. And leave the car running. I want to make a quick getaway," I said and pulled out, leaving him to stare after me.

I laughed on the way home, sure that he was probably freaking out.

But the hope of spending time with him tonight made me push my truck a little faster.

I couldn't wait.

I had missed him too.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: A lot of people were a little upset with Alice for showing up. It was not meant maliciously at all. Alice and Jasper are the good guys here. And while it may be weird for Edward at first, we'll see what the Whitlocks could be for Bella and Edward. **

**Soon. **

**More on Tuesday. Switching to every other day unless my tech goes easy this week. **

**Real life. It's the bastard of time suck. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	45. Chapter 45

**Happy Tuesday folks! This one is short. Haven't had a lot of time last few days.**

**But something to keep us going! MWAH!**

**The Fragile- Nine Inch Nails**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 45: I won't be pushed around. **

**EPOV**

I waited in the car for Bella while she showered, my imagination doing nothing for my already excited nature.

Right now, Bella was naked and in the shower. And I was hard and horny in the car, with nowhere to relieve myself.

Not that I really wanted to.

I wanted Bella to do that now.

I fiddled with my IPod, trying to distract myself from…myself.

Because with the horniness came the guilt which then became remembrance of my session, which then reminded me of my therapist, Alice.

After the surprise of seeing her in the bakery, my anxiety wore at me while I waited.

How did I tell Bella about her? How did I feel about Alice knowing who Bella was to begin with? Wouldn't that make sessions a little odd, knowing whom I was speaking about? It was easier to talk about my needs when Bella was simply a name, and not a person to Alice Whitlock.

Not that I was embarrassed about Bella. I wanted everyone to know we were together.

I only hoped that Bella wouldn't be upset once she found out who Alice was to me, and what that meant for Bella.

It was just a matter of waiting for her to come out and hop in my car so that I could whisk her away and talk to her about it.

Although truth be known, it was the last thing I had wanted to do tonight.

Imagining her naked again made it into my head again and I groaned at the temptation.

I doubted I would see much tonight, given the conversation we would need to have.

I looked through my music again and picked a little Nine Inch Nails.

I was feeling frustrated and needed something to keep me from climbing back into her window.

"Nice music," Bella commented as she opened the car door and slid into the seat.

I jumped at her sudden appearance and let out a nervous laugh, feeling foolish.

"You like Nine Inch Nails?" I asked, putting the car into gear.

She smirked and nodded.

"Of course," she said, laughing.

"You never cease to amaze me," I replied, feeling my anxiety wane some simply by her smile.

"So where are we going?" she asked, eyeing me in such a way that I wished we could be alone.

For _hours._

"Are you hungry?" I asked, thinking our discussion was best done over food.

She nodded and I drove towards the diner, not wanting to waste time with a trip all the way to Port Angeles. I wanted to spend a good deal of time for after dinner.

Once we were seated at the diner, Bella cut to the chase.

"So what happened at the bakery? How do you know the Whitlocks?" she asked, sipping her coke.

"I know Alice," I said. "It was the first time I had met her husband."

She put her drink down thoughtfully and offered me her full attention.

"How do you know Alice?" she asked, her voice a little frail.

I hated that sound, of her feeling unsure.

"She's my therapist," I confessed after a moment, watching her eyes widen slightly before she composed herself again.

"Oh," she said quietly and frowned. "So your dad knows you are seeing her then?"

I nodded, a little nervous.

"So how does you dad know Jasper?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"I didn't know he did," I replied, confused. "Why?"

She frowned and looked down at her glass.

"Your dad came into the bakery, wanting to talk to someone about taking away what was his," she whispered.

I immediately tensed and could feel the anger bubbling up.

"Did he say anything to you?" I asked, my voice dangerously low.

If he threatened her, or told her more about me that I couldn't yet…

"It doesn't matter, Edward," she said, her eyes finding mine. "He's not going to scare me."

She sighed and then told me everything that had happened, my anxiety building again.

He was still trying to control us, through people we didn't even know.

"It sounded like Jasper knew him from the past," she concluded. "But you don't know Jasper?"

I shook my head.

"He knows Alice though. They have some kind of history. And Alice knew my mom before they adopted me," I explained.

She tapped on her lips, deep in thought.

"There's more mystery in your life than a David Kessler novel," she said, sighing. But her face had softened and her hand reached out to take mine. "It'll be okay, Edward. I'm going to talk to my dad, tell him what happened. He wasn't too happy with your dad when he came to the house. He can't hurt me."

"I just don't know why he'd even come to see you, unless it was to scare you," I murmured.

"Well," she said, straightening up. "He messed with the wrong girl. I won't be pushed around."

I was impressed with her courage. I wondered if she felt that way about everything.

I had a pretty screwed up life. And she took it so easily.

"You're not upset about Alice being my therapist?" I asked.

"Why would I be? She seems nice. If not a little strange like Jasper. It might be a little weird having her husband as my boss, but I'm sure she respects your privacy," she replied.

"She didn't ask you about me?" I asked, a little curious.

Bella blushed and a smile crept up on her face.

"Just if I had a boyfriend, and what I had made for him," she whispered.

I leaned forward and pulled her a little closer.

"And what did you say?" I asked softly.

"She doesn't need to know about my cookies, Edward," she replied, grinning.

I pulled away with great effort, trying to behave.

"No, she doesn't," I agreed. "I don't know what to think now that she knows you."

"Do you talk about me in your sessions?" she asked, tipping her head to the side.

It was my turn to be a little embarrassed.

"Some," I murmured. "Some of it is my fears about what I feel."

"What are you afraid of?"

I sighed and looked around, wondering how much of this conversation other people could hear. I leaned in close, whispering.

"Things I want, Bella," I said softly. "And if you'll be offended by it."

"I think I've made myself clear that you won't offend or scare me, Edward," she replied simply.

We ordered and sat there quietly for a few minutes, Bella eyeing me as I worked up the courage to talk about those things I wanted.

"Do you want to go back to my house after dinner?" I asked.

"I'd like that," she said, smiling. "What do you want to do there?"

I could see the wicked gleam in her eyes.

"My mom might be there, so probably not what I want to do," I retorted, enjoying the blush on her face.

We ate and talked about very little, simply enjoying the comfortable company of one another. But when we were settled in the car, Bella surprised me when she leaned over and brought her lips to mine, moaning into my lips. I was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm.

"What was that for?" I breathed, feeling my body heat up from her attack.

"I just wanted to get that in just in case I have to behave when we get to your house," she said quietly.

I held her head in my hand, taking my time with her. She was right of course. More than anything, I wanted to take her home and explore one another in the confines of my room. I wanted more of the night prior.

Just Bella and me.

The sun was setting when I finally drew away from her, a dazed smile on her lips.

She was as affected of me as I was of her.

I got us on the road, heading towards my house.

We'd behave if Mom were there.

But on the slim chance she wasn't…

Well, I couldn't guarantee anything then.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I know, short… cough cough. Tech rehearsals have been busy. **

**Next update I hope by Friday, hang in there my dears! **

**Big MWAH!**

**Steph**


	46. Chapter 46

**Hello again my dears! Happy Friday! **

**This one is a tad short… I blame Berlin Rob… JS. **

**Play Me Play Me- Veronika Harcsa**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 46: I was bound and determined to behave. **

**BPOV**

On the drive towards Edward's house, I battled with myself over what I wanted.

I wanted Edward.

Having my hand on his thigh made me want him more.

But I also wanted him to be happy.

And I could see him struggling to behave around me.

I still didn't understand why he wanted to behave.

Well, I did. But I was a little selfish in that regard too.

I wanted him.

And I wanted him to enjoy that which he thought was so morally wrong.

Not the weird mind fuck that he had undergone with what's her name and his dad. But the pleasure that comes from two people who like each other.

Unfortunately, Edward had put himself on some restricted behavioural block that made him overly cautious around me.

As much as the night before had pushed our relationship into something more like the horny teenagers we were, I could still see his reservations.

It made me think twice about simply straddling him in the car and begging him to take me.

He had too much guilt over his thoughts and the acts themselves.

So I mentally checked myself and struggled to think of all the things we could do instead.

Talk.

Listen to music.

Cuddle.

I was bound and determined to behave.

When really the idea of being bound made me think of other things.

"You're awfully quiet," he said from the driver's seat.

I looked up and smiled.

"Just trying to think of what we can do tonight," I replied, watching his lips turn up in a wicked smirk.

"And what did you think of?" he asked, still smirking.

I pursed my lips at him and pretended to be perturbed.

"Well, I don't know," I replied. "You'll just have to entertain me."

He let out a long breath and looked back at the road, turning off in to the driveway. I remained quiet beside him as we parked in the garage. He glanced at the other car beside him and sighed.

"My mom is here," he announced and looked back at me with defeated eyes.

"There's plenty to do even with your mom here, Edward," I chided and squeezed his leg.

He looked down at my hand and shook his head.

"Not when you do that, Bella."

"Sorry," I mumbled, but couldn't help the chuckle when he let out a soft groan and slipped out of the car.

We walked in together, Edward's arm around my waist. We didn't immediately find Esme until we heard her come down the stairs. She smiled at the both of us and leaned in to hug Edward.

"I was just on the phone with Alice," she explained and pulled away to offer me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry Carlisle came in. He must have startled you."

"It's okay, Mrs. Cullen," I said dismissively. "He wasn't there to see me."

She frowned and glanced back at Edward. He nodded.

"We know about Jasper being Alice's husband, Mom. Thanks for warning me," he said, a little gruff.

She shook her head quickly, her eyes wide.

"I didn't mean it like that, Edward. I just didn't know what you had told Bella," she explained and looked back at me worriedly.

I put a calming hand on Edward.

"I know about Alice, Mrs. Cullen. I know enough about what is happening, I think," I said and glanced back at Edward.

"Well, that's good," Esme replied and looked between the two of us before she smiled. "I guess I'll leave you two alone for a while. Let me know if you want anything to eat. Or anything."

She disappeared into the dining room, leaving Edward and I alone at the bottom of the stairs. He glanced up towards his room for only a moment before looking back at me.

"Do you like the piano?" he asked, catching me a little off guard with his question.

"Um, yes?" I replied, confused.

He grinned and steered me towards the back of the house, away from the kitchen and the bedrooms. I hadn't been to this part of the house before, and when he opened up the door leading to a music room, I was amazed by just how big this house really was. The music room was sparsely furnished, a giant sleek grand piano in the center.

Nothing else.

"Come sit with me," he whispered in my ear and lead me to the bench at the piano.

"You play?" I asked, feeling my heart speed up.

The idea that he played just seemed romantic.

He sat down easily and patted the side of the bench for me. I slid in next to him, unsure how much room he needed to play. His smile mesmerized me and he pulled me a little closer. His lips brushed across my lips for only a moment. And then he was leaning over the piano, the most beautiful music coming from his fingertips.

I had never really watched anyone play the piano.

I had some classical music I listened to when I needed to study.

But watching someone play was something else.

Every finger on a key, the gentle brushing across ivory.

The notes as they struck and resonated.

And then Edward as he leaned and hovered over the keyboard. Concentrating with a sense of calm and serenity. He was graceful as he swayed and stroked the keys.

He had a gentle touch.

Until the music swelled and then his body stiffened, lips pouted, fingers flexed.

And I was holding my breath at the intensity of his playing.

Beautiful.

As the last note echoed in the air, his fingers paused over the keys, his head bowed down to look at the keys in silent reflection. I didn't want to move for fear of ruining the moment. He let out a soft breath and tipped his head towards me, a ghost of a smile on his face as he regarded me.

"It was beautiful," I whispered.

His smile turned shy and he fingered a few keys as he regarded me thoughtfully. I leaned in out of instinct and kissed him, feeling him lean in towards me when our lips touched. I kissed him slowly, wanting him to know I enjoyed the here and now.

Being with him, in whatever manner we could was enough.

When he pulled away, his eyes were closed and he was smiling.

"I could do that all night long," he whispered.

I leaned into him and held him close as he played a few more pieces, laughing when he'd mess up, drawing me closer when I would try and pull away. It wasn't until he noticed Esme in the doorway that he pulled away a little more, clearing his throat. She waved at us dismissively and stepped into the room, smiling at the two of us.

"I just wanted to let you know I have to go see Alice," she said and then frowned. "I just mean that she asked me over for drinks with them."

I felt Edward stiffen a little and turn towards her.

"Do you want me to take Bella home?" he asked, his voice clearly a little panicked.

She shook her head and raised her eyebrow at both of us.

"No, just behave yourselves while I'm gone," she replied dryly. "I'll be home a little late, but don't keep Bella up for too long. She looks a little tired."

Edward shifted beside me again and glanced back at me for a moment before nodding to his mom.

"I won't keep her late. We'll behave," he replied and snuck a wink at me when his mother wasn't looking.

She made a noise like a grunt and turned to leave, disappearing down the hall before we heard a door close. It was quiet for a few minutes before Edward turned back towards me.

"Where were we?" he whispered and leaned in to kiss me again, his hands reaching for me to pull me closer to him. I followed his lead and moved over his legs to straddle his thighs, a deep-throated moan escaping his lips before they attacked me with more passion.

I felt his hands move over my back until he gripped my hips, tugging me over him until we both broke away from the kiss, enjoying the feeling of our bodies as they connected. Edward's eyes searched for mine, so many emotions warring inside. His hands pulled at me, moving me against him again until his eyes closed and he let out a long groan.

"I want you," he growled and held me still against him as he breathed. I moaned against his ear at his words.

He had no idea what those words did to my will to behave.

My hands found their way to his head, finding his lips and moving with him there on the bench. My ass hit the keys, creating a load racket as he pushed me against it. He laughed into my cheek and pressed me into the piano again, the noise a little louder when I practically sat on the keys. I let one hand press against the lower keys to steady myself, making a sort of harmony with the middle notes my rear played.

Edward kissed me along the jaw, humming as I made so much noise from my body as it moved, his grin widening even as he nipped at my skin with his lips and teeth. His hands searched me out, one holding me firmly by the hip, the other disappearing into my shirt. I felt his fingertips along the strap of my bra, slowly pulling at it to edge my bra down. I whimpered when one lone finger slipped underneath the fabric, searching out a nipple.

He had me wound up so tight, he could probably have played me and I would have sounded musical from his fingers.

I was panting against him, wishing he'd just throw me over his shoulder and take me up to his room.

"Hello?"

Our heads shot up at the sound, Edward's snapping to the door with a menacing look. I took a few steadying breaths, wondering who the voice belonged to.

"Mom?"

I recognized it as Emmett just as he rounded the corner and peeked into the room, his eyes widening with his smile before he looked back the way he had come. When he turned back to us, he nodded to Edward and smirked.

"Mom gone?" he asked.

"For a little while," Edward grumbled, sliding me a little closer to him, making a few notes ring out as my body slid off the keys.

Emmett chuckled and shook his head.

"Mom will kill you if you scratch up her piano, dude," he teased and then glanced back down the hall. "How long will she be?"

"A few hours, why?" Edward asked, tensing under me.

"No reason," Emmett shot back. "But if you hear a ruckus upstairs, don't come a knocking!"

And then he was gone and we heard a distinct female laugh down the hall.

"Shit," Edward grumbled and set my to the side on the bench.

He fingered the keys and ran a hand through his hair before looking at me, a little bashful.

"So much for hiding up in my room," he said glumly.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, you know what he's doing right now," he said haltingly and looked at me carefully.

"How does that affect what we do?"

He sighed and shrugged.

"Do you really want to go up there and hear that?" he said uncomfortably.

I stood and held out my hand for him, smiling.

"You have a stereo up there, right?" I asked. He nodded. "Then why should Emmett get all the fun?"

Edward sat there looking at me for a moment, his mouth open. I wiggled my fingers at him, his hand slowly taking mine as he realized what I wanted. And then he grinned, jumping to his feet to pull me along out of the room and down the hall. He practically picked me up to carry me up the steps as we laughed and hurried up to his room.

As soon as his door was closed, I turned to see him leaning against the door, his eyes on me.

I held my breath at the possessive look on his face.

"So," he said, his voice low.

I raised my eyebrow and took a slow step back towards the bed. His eyes tracked me as I moved, the lazy smile creeping up one side of his mouth when he saw me slide a hand to my waist, my shirt rising just a little to show off my bare stomach. His tongue peeked out from between his lips, his hands flexing on the door for only a second before I heard the loud click of the lock.

"What do you want to do now?" he continued, remaining glued to the door.

I turned away from him with a smile on my face, climbing up onto his giant bed before looking back over my shoulder at him.

Oh, I had some ideas.

Behave? With a locked door and a big bed.

No way.

Time to see if his bed squeaked.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Yep… I left it there. It's been a crazy busy week. And with Rob making a show today in Berlin, what can I say…. I was a wee bit distracted today… but with that comes a nice EPOV tomorrow… mmmhmm. I know how you all love those EPOVs!**

**More tomorrow, will probably be late like this was… just trying to catch up. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	47. Chapter 47

**Took a while… well. It's long… so you know… **

**Enjoy! **

**Peaches and Cream- 112**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 47: I want.**

**EPOV**

I pressed up against the door because I couldn't decide where to start.

She was crawling on my bed like a cat and fuck if I didn't want to leap on her like a lion.

I wanted to show her who and how and…

Breathe.

Fuck she's rolling over.

Hair spread out.

Shirt sliding up.

One knee turning out.

Jeans tight and hiding what I wanted to see.

Hands moving.

Down.

Up.

I swallowed and licked my lips at the idea of tasting every inch of her.

My balls tightened at the idea of how she must feel like.

There.

With me.

Inside.

I _wanted._

"Do you want to play some music?" she asked, her voice a little rough.

I shook my head.

I didn't want to hear anything but her moans.

Her breath quickening.

Her voice as it whimpered my name.

She would be the music.

My fingers flexed against the cool wood of the door, preparing to push me away and towards her.

"Come here," she whispered, one hand rising from the bed to curl, beckoning.

And like an invisible string being pulled, she lured me towards her until I stood beside my bed, taking in her beauty.

Her smile teasing me.

Her dark eyes begging me.

Her plump lips asking me.

Her taut breasts taunting me.

Her body inviting me.

_Come. _

Fuck did I ever want to.

Bella twisted in the bed so that her hand could move towards me, reaching far enough to wrap around the top of my jeans and tugging. I fell over her, the two of us laughing softly when I adjusted so I didn't crush her. Immediately I felt the heat of her, and her breathy sigh did nothing for my reserve.

I wanted to wait.

I wanted to make it special.

But I wanted to find my way inside of her too.

I _wanted._

"What do you want?" she asked, looking up at me with lusty eyes.

Breathe.

"I want," I started, groaning at her fingers in my hair, running down my neck, across my chest.

She eased up and I felt her lips at my jaw, humming as she moved. Her mouth captured my skin at my neck, and I could feel her teeth scrape across the sensitive skin there.

"Tell me."

I buried my nose into her neck and kissed her slowly, hoping that maybe with a slow approach, I could stave off the need my body desired. By tasting her slowly, I could savor. I could pleasure her and we could take it slow. I kissed her along her neck, feeling her body move beneath mine for more contact. Her neck eased me to her collarbone where I licked and nibbled until she was panting, grabbing at my shoulders to pull me closer.

"Tell me what you want, Edward."

"You," I groaned from the hollow of her throat, wrapping my fingers around the tops of her shoulders to drag her up off the bed.

We rolled across the blankets until her was above me, her hair creating a curtain around my head as she looked down at me, grinning. I felt her hands moving again, across my chest over my shoulders and down my arms until she interlaced her fingers through mine and drew them up over my head. She leaned forward a little so that she could hold my hands just over my head, leaving her breasts mere inches from my face.

All I had to do was sit up just a little and there, against the side of my cheek was the softness of her. My nose nudged against the shirt, wishing the fabric would disappear. I moved to slip my hand from hers to do it, but she held me a little harder. I looked up into her eyes, to find them gleaming down at me.

"Tell me what you want, Edward," she whispered.

I felt her fingers tighten against mine, her hips pressing down to offer a little more friction.

And her eyes staring into mine with so much determination.

It made me pause.

Did she think she could hold me, like this?

I flexed my arms slightly, testing her. And she tightened and pressed.

Fuck that felt good.

And then she moved a little further up my body, leaving my straining cock with nothing to push against. Her knees clenched slightly around my ribs and she eased her chest towards me, pushing down on my hands a little harder.

"Do you think you can hold me down?" I asked, chuckling.

She raised her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

"Do you want me to?"

I felt the tremor work through me. She was trying to control me.

In her own innocent little way.

Only Bella wasn't as innocent as I originally thought.

So what was she doing, trying to hold me down?

It made me want so much more with her.

"I just want to try something," she whispered.

She pressed into me again, her lips covering mine once more. She took my bottom lip into her mouth and sucked on it gently before releasing it to trace her tongue across the opening, asking. I opened up to her, her tongue exploring me much as I had just a few moments earlier. Her mouth on mine made me relax against her, enjoying for just a moment the feeling of letting her lead.

She was good at it.

When she felt me relax, her fingers eased away from mine, tracing over my wrists and then down my arms. I was lost in the feeling of her fingers as they trekked.

Arms to shoulders.

Shoulders down to my chest.

To my stomach where the heat of her pressed.

My eyes lifted to hers to find her watching me, a soft smile playing on her lips as she slowly sat up to take me in. I felt the excitement build from her touch and pushed my hips towards her, wanting her lower. Her eyes moved back up, darker now. My fingers itched to find her hair, or move down to her breasts that lay hidden behind her shirt. But one glance up towards my hands from her and I knew she wanted me to keep them there.

I nodded to her, to let her know I'd play.

I'd give her a chance.

Because when I was done letting her play, I'd get my turn.

Breathe.

I closed my eyes to recollect myself, only to open in surprise when I felt her move above me.

She shifted down, hovering over me as if to tease.

My fingers twitched again.

But her smile made me pause once more.

Play the game.

For now.

I sighed when I felt her fingers move down my stomach, stopping at the hem of my shirt. One quick glance and then she was sliding it up my torso, pulling it up to my shoulders until I raised up just enough for her to slide it to my arms where she left it.

The flimsiest of restraints.

Easily shed.

But this was about trust I knew.

She trusted me, so I would let her do this.

My eyes followed her hands again in anticipation while they trailed down my bare chest.

To my tightening stomach, her nails scratching just a little. I hissed at the contrast. So light and tender to just a touch of insistence by her touch.

It did things to me.

My hands twitched.

Bella's hands paused until I had my hands back above me; her smile wicked when she moved her hands off of me and to her thighs that straddled me. I watched as they moved up, up her thighs to pause at her zipper, teasing me as they continued up.

She was good at teasing.

I held my breath when I watched her fingers curl around the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up with excruciating slowness.

Twitch.

Breathe.

Soft blue of her bra peeked from the bottom of her shirt as it continued up, until her arms were above her head and she was blind behind her shirt.

My turn.

As fast as lightening, I sat up and held her elbows to the side of her head, a surprised yelp escaping her mouth from behind the fabric. I held her there as she squirmed and called out my name, enjoying the sight of her there, captured for my enjoyment.

"I was enjoying that!" she exclaimed, a little muffled.

"You'll enjoy this," I said and flipped her over until she was on her back.

Her cry was loud enough to make me grin.

Of course Emmett would hear it.

Not that I was trying.

It just felt good to have a girl in my room.

Who was squirming underneath me and giggling.

"Let me see!" she said loudly.

"No," I replied, grinning when she arched her back and shift again.

"Why not?"

I leaned in to her, pushing my aching hard on into her middle so that she groaned and trembled.

"That's why," I breathed and pressed a little harder. "Doesn't it feel better when you can't see?"

She moaned and stilled under me, waiting for a moment before I watched her head bob up and down in the shirt.

"I want," I whispered near where I thought her ear was. She whimpered and moved against me. "I want everything with you, Bella."

I let my hands slide down her arms, just as she had, watching as her skin pebbled with my fingers. I wanted to see everything. Enjoy every part of her.

Memorize her.

The soft underside of her arm.

The way her bone popped out a little along her collar.

The way her breasts rose and fell with her breaths.

Seeing the v of her ribcage as she inhaled.

The way her bellybutton beckoned.

Fingers on the button of her jeans, I wanted to see it all.

Touch. Feel. See. Taste.

"Please," she moaned into the air.

The zipper slid down without a hitch, exposing a bit of matching blue like her bra. Licking at my lips, I let my hand graze under her jeans so that I could feel her before revealing her. Her hips bucked against me and I grinned when I noticed her arms moving just slightly.

Not as easy as she thought.

But I wasn't going to tease her long. Because with each tease, my own body felt the pressure. And I was starting to feel the strain.

I slipped from the bed and dropped my jeans while she moved her head from side to side, as if to look for me. It wasn't until my hands reached for her open jeans that she stilled her body, letting out a loud breath that sounded like a happy moan. Slowly I pulled the material down.

I had seen her bare legs before, late at night in her room. By the light of her tiny nightstand light. Now, in the light of my room, I could see just how smooth and well shaped she was. Her thighs as I revealed them flexed and quivered slightly. Her knees made me want to bite them, just knobby enough to knead and grab. And her calves tensed when my hands slid over them to brush her jeans quietly to the floor.

Still with her hands and head bound, I took in her perfect body.

Pale and glowing in the light, without any real blemishes to speak of. No marks.

Innocent. Pure.

And naughty when she brushed her calf up the side of my body, gasping when she felt my bare thigh.

"I want," she panted. "To see."

Funny how we were brought together by something without sight, and now, so desperately we wanted to see what it was that we wanted.

"Wait," I replied softly and moved up the length of her, kissing where her mouth hid.

She moaned against me and tried to pull her arms down to see me, but I reached up to stop her, tugging on the shirt until only mouth was free. She took my lips hungrily now that she could feel them and arched into me with need. I smiled and moved slowly over her, enjoying the magnificent heat of her.

She relaxed back into the bed with my hand, and soon I was rediscovering her as I had that night in her. She remained still under me as I moved.

Her neck.

Her shoulder.

Peeling away the strap to her bra before reaching behind her to unsnap it.

Releasing the material to reveal her beautiful breasts.

My mouth found its way down her smooth skin, delighting in the taste of her along the swell of her breast. My tongue darted out and found the rough texture of her nipple. Her gasp made me want more, and I took it into my mouth, sucking gently. Bella reacted with another jolt towards my body, but kept her hands to her self as I explored the taste of her there.

I hadn't spent much time that night, overwhelmed with everything then.

But now we had some time.

And I wanted to explore every bit.

Tongue to tip. Mouth enveloping. Circling around until I could bite, lightly.

Gasp. Writhe. Begging for more.

And I gave it to her.

I moved from one breast to the other. When my mouth wasn't worshipping one, my hand took over. The warm heaviness in my hand felt like it belonged.

She belonged.

With me.

I tasted her one last time before moving on, wanting more.

Wanting to show her everything.

_Wanting. _

"Please," she whispered, her stomach tightening when she felt my lips press just above her bellybutton.

"What do you want?" I asked, throwing her words back at her.

She writhed against me, her hips trying to connect with me, but I was above her now.

"Touch me," she breathed, and her arms flexed again.

"Where?" I asked, grinning when I heard her groan in frustration.

This back and forth with her was better than anything I had ever experienced before.

Like we were on an equal playing field.

"God, please Edward," she moaned and flexed her leg around me again, opening herself up more to me.

"Here?" I asked, brushing one fingertip over the top of her underwear ever so lightly.

She nodded and whimpered.

"Here?" I asked, tracing a little further down, to where I could feel she was already wet.

Fuck. She was soaked.

"Yes, please," she grated and pushed her hips up into my hand, practically shoving my finger inside of her even with the cotton barrier.

Hot. Wet. Needy.

She was going to drive me insane.

"I want to take these off," I whispered and kissed the top edge of her underwear.

She nodded into her shirt again and let out a long sigh when she felt my fingers curl against the material. I hadn't seen her completely naked yet, and when I did, I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop from wanting everything.

Would she let me?

My heart sped at the idea of finally being able to have her.

Inside.

I couldn't wait for that feeling.

Maybe tonight.

Bella lifted her hips as I pulled, ever so slowly. Like opening up a present, I watched in fascination as little by little she was revealed to me. Pale white skin, a mole near her hip, and then the first look at hair.

A small patch, neatly trimmed, enough so that it made the mound below seem mysterious. I knew what it looked like bare, but with her I liked it better this way.

I pulled a little more, working it down her thighs and beyond, not caring where they landed as I drew my attention back up to her.

Her sex.

Her legs barely parted and closed slightly at the knees. But still I could see her, glistening and pink and inviting as she lay there. I touched her knee gently with my hand, asking silently for her to open up to me. I heard her breathing pick up when she let me push gently.

"I want to see," I whispered and dipped down to kiss the inside of her knee, making her jolt again.

"Let me see _you_," she croaked.

Sitting up, I pulled the shirt off of her head, smiling down at her blinking eyes.

"My turn," I whispered and eased back onto my heels between her calves.

I waited patiently while she watched me, while my hands gently traced over her thighs, and down to her knees again before slipping my thumbs in between and spreading her for me to see her. Her eyes fluttered for only a second before she was watching me again with heavy eyes.

Watching my thumbs as the slowly stroked up the long length of her thighs and up.

Up to where I could now see.

Up to lips I longed to touch.

Taste.

Penetrate.

Beautiful lips that needed caressing.

I paused at the top of her thighs, looking up at her again to ask to continue.

I felt her leg pull away, her knee slipping to the bed and opening her up further to me.

"I want to touch you," I whispered.

She nodded and licked at her lips, as if she knew what I most wanted.

My hands moved closer, my thumbs massaging along the outside of her, keeping clear of where I knew she wanted me. She groaned and shifted her hips, my fingers compensating and steering clear.

"You're driving me crazy," she growled and moved her arms down from above her head, sliding them to her sides.

I was teasing, I know. But I wanted her to be surprised when I did what I had planned.

"I promise, this will be good," I replied, and as a it of that promise, I let one thumb trace through her wet slick skin, making her moan and shudder.

Her excitement coursed through me, making my own ache intensify when I took in her arousal. So much of her there for me, but I wanted her to feel more. Laying my head against her hip, I moved slowly, listening to her as I touched her. She moaned softly above me while I touched, feeling her grow wetter with each stroke.

From where I lay, I could smell. I wanted just a little.

Just a little closer.

I let my nose move over her hip, my lips laying an open mouthed kiss against her hip bone.

"Oh, God," she moaned and I felt her hand in my hair then, gripping me hard.

"I want," I whispered against her skin.

Her hair was so close to my nose now, all I had to do was nudge just to the right. I heard her gasp as I inhaled, smelling heaven. The hair here was coarse, and tickled my nose as it brushed through. The heat of her came off in waves, bringing with it her heady scent.

"Oh, please," she cried out, my hair worked through her fingers tight.

She was offering.

She was accepting.

So I just…

Opened my mouth.

Nose tracing.

And kissed.

Her.

"God! Edward!"

Bella.

I kissed her again, feeling her tremble and shake as my tongue peeked out and separated her folds, taking in the full taste of her.

Again.

Over and over.

Like she was nectar.

Air.

Oxygen.

I sucked on her and slid my tongue in deeper to taste her straight from the source. She jerked against me again, forcing me to pull her legs open with my arms. She whimpered and gripped my head a little more forcefully, panting my name over and over as I lavished her with my mouth. When I was sure that she would let me, I slid my finger along her folds, finding her entrance and pushing gently.

"Yessss," she hissed and bucked against me again.

I wanted.

To see her fall apart.

To watch her in ecstacy.

To let her lose control.

Bella panted and thrust against my hand, wanting more. I met her hip, my fingers moving against her more urgently. I could feel her shaking. I knew she was close. I looked up to see her watching me, eyes barely open, mouth open as she breathed. And then her head fell back, neck arching and her voice rang out in a long moan.

I watched her let go. I felt her body tighten.

Felt her clench around me.

Hand in my hair slipped free when he back came off the bed.

Everything about how she let go was so natural.

So out of control and free.

It was beautiful.

I wanted to do that over and over.

I slipped up beside her, smiling at how flushed her skin was, and how she still shuddered from the afterglow. It made me almost forget about my own need.

Almost.

Except that her bare thigh was pressing up against me.

I sat up to take her in once more. So beautiful and in my bed. When her eyes opened, they looked completely and utterly spent. I smirked at the idea that I could do that. I had left her a boneless mass like she had that night with me.

"My body feels like jelly," she mumbled, a lazy smile working across her face.

As much as I wanted to have some relief, the idea of seeing her fully pleasure was enough.

I reached for the bedding that had scattered around while we had moved, and covered her in the blanket, her soft hum making me smile.

"It smells like you," she murmured and snuggled into the covers.

"Well that's disturbing," I retorted, not sure what that meant.

"Mmmm, I like it," she replied and nestled against me, one leg wrapping around me until I could feel her heat on my hip.

I looked at the clock, cringing when I saw the time.

"It's getting late," I whispered. "I should take you home."

She looked up at me with sleepy eyes.

"The idea of having me naked in your bed is that troublesome?" she asked.

I shifted against her enough to where she could feel it was not.

"My mom will be home soon, and I was supposed to behave," I explained.

"I think you behaved," she replied, grinning. "And with such a quiet bed. I like it here."

I chuckled and pulled her closer, wanting to keep her here even if it meant getting caught.

"I told you your bed was dangerous."

"Just wait, mister," she said and traced her fingers down my chest.

So tempting.

"We should get dressed," I whispered. She made a noise something like a whine and pulled me closer. It was difficult to resist with her hands roaming.

I felt her lips graze mine and then she groaned and slowly sat up, looking down at me with half closed eyes.

"Fine," she grumbled and reached for her shirt that lay crumpled by the pillows.

As soon as she had her underwear back in place she slumped back into the pillows.

"I don't want to go just yet," she said, eyeing me as I sat there beside her, still in my boxers. I closed my eyes when her fingers traced across my bare thigh.

"We can lie here for a little bit," I murmured and pulled the blankets back over us, letting her snuggle against me.

"Good," she said, sighing. "A little nap and then I can return the favor."

I smiled into her hair at that.

I liked that she wanted to reciprocate.

So different than….

No more comparisons.

Bella was better than all of that.

I felt her slowly relax in my arms, drifting off to sleep.

I remained awake, thinking about the last couple of weeks with Bella.

Everything had changed with her.

With Bella it was better.

I didn't want to ruin that by pushing too fast.

But she seemed to be happy at the path we were taking.

I inhaled and smiled, still able to smell her on me.

She was everywhere.

It wasn't until I heard the garage door under my bedroom open, knowing that Esme was returning. I slid quietly out from the bed, tucking Bella in a little tighter before grabbing my own clothes. As soon as I was dressed, I snuck my door open just as I heard the door open downstairs.

Leaving my door open wide, I settled into my chair, trying to look inconspicuous by reading.

It only took a minute before I saw my mom pop her head in. She looked at me and smiled, then glanced over at where Bella was sleeping. She paused and then looked back at me, one eyebrow raised.

"She was sleepy, but she didn't want to go home," I explained in a hushed whisper.

"You behaved yourself?" she whispered.

"I was a gentleman, Mom."

I wasn't lying. I let her come first.

She looked back at Bella once more and smiled.

"Well, you should wake her up in an hour or so and get her home so her dad doesn't worry," she said and started to close the door.

She left it halfway open and disappeared down the hall.

I looked back at Bella and let out a slow breath, sad to have to wake her up soon.

I liked having her here with me.

With her, it felt normal.

I knew that when she and I finally took things further, I wanted to be somewhere safe.

With more than a few hours alone.

I had to think of a way to get Esme out of the house for the weekend or something.

And Emmett.

I wondered if he had disappeared before Esme had gotten home.

The answer came when I heard his door creak open and his head peek in, all grins. He put his figner to his lips, as if to tell me to be quiet and then looked over at Bella.

He shook his head and gave me a thumbs up before slipping down the hall, only to have Esme catch him somewhere down the stairs.

"Emmett! You can't sneak girls into the house like that!"

"But Mom! Edward has a girl in his bedroom!"

"I knew about Bella! I didn't know about the blonde that just drove out of here!"

"Mom!"

"Don't mom me! At least Edward was a gentleman."

I smiled and moved to the bed, staying on top of the covers to assume some manner of decorum.

I couldn't stop smiling as I listened to my mom continue.

Emmett was finally getting an earful.

Finally.

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**AN: took a little longer to write… sorry about that. But hopefully that was a nice little bit of fun for your weekend?**

**More soon. Probably not tomorrow. It's the spawn's birthday tomorrow and I am off to Legoland!**

**So see you probably on Monday!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	48. Chapter 48

**Hello all! Sorry for the delay, work has been insane. The next few updates will be short, in true drabble form. LOL**

**Not sure if I will be able to do every day, so hang in there! **

**Sweet Dreams- Eurythmics**

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**Chapter 48-**

**BPOV**

I wasn't really sure how to gauge Charlie's reaction to Dr. Creepy.

The eye hadn't stopped twitching, along with the moustache.

Apparently Charlie thought Dr. Creepy had other ideas about me. Which I hadn't even begun to think about and now had terrified thoughts about. Leave it to my father the law man to think the worst.

Shock and awe my dad was.

"He gets handed a restraining order Monday morning," Charlie said in a gruff voice as he pointed his beer can at me. "And I'll speak to Jasper first thing Monday as well. It sounds like he's being strongarmed. That doesn't fly here."

I had to give my dad a lot of respect. He didn't mess around when it came to people and safety.

"That might be how they do it in Chicago with their mobs and everything, but here in Forks, we do business with integrity and honesty," he continued to rant.

I fought to hide the smirk when he adjusted his jeans like the gun belt was still on his hips.

"No one makes my baby girl feel uncomfortable," he finished, with a tight purse of his moustache before he crushed his can and tossed it towards the trash. When it landed inside he clapped and did some weird dance before he nodded and disappeared back out to the living room.

His testosterone was in overdrive.

I let him have his man time. I was exhausted after the long day at work and then with Edward.

Edward was definitely a workout.

I smiled to myself as I grabbed my water bottle, feeling a little dehydrated.

Perhaps it was from all the panting?

Or maybe loss of fluids?

I felt my face heat up and I shook my head, embarrassed even by myself.

Because, damn.

Edward knew how to get a girl off.

"Heading to bed?"

I jumped at Charlie's voice behind me on the stairs.

"You scared me," I breathed, embarrassed once more.

"Sorry, you sure you're okay after today?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Just tired."

He cleared his throat and raised his eyebrow.

"Well, at least Edward got you home before midnight," he teased before becoming serious again. "What do you say to going to Port Angeles tomorrow to look for a new bed. You need a good night's rest if you're going to start being so busy with work and _boyfriends_."

"You were serious about the bed?" I asked.

"Of course I was," he replied and motioned me up the stairs, following as I went. "Right down to the tiny twin we discussed."

I shook my head and laughed.

"Ok, Dad. I get it. Room for one _only_," I said and sighed dramatically.

I mean, it only needed to fit one.

One on one….

"Yeah," he said sceptically and then patted me lightly on the shoulder. "Get some sleep, Bells. Tomorrow will be a better day."

I closed the door to my room and let out a long breath. I felt the heaviness in my bones, and the sight of my bed only brought up memories of what had happened with Edward. Even tired, I felt my body flush.

Who knew you could really and truly want it all the time?

I wondered if Edward was all right, having left him in a constant state of arousal.

As restrained as he was, he certainly had a hard-on a lot. It had to be painful. Why didn't he want to fix that problem?

With me?

I hoped I'd see him tomorrow after Port Angeles.

And maybe I could relieve him of some of that frustration he always seemed to have. I thought about texting him, but the fear of making him more wound up persuaded me not to.

Let him get some sleep.

So why was I not surprised that my phone beeped with a text?

I grinned and slid under the blankets with my phone.

_-You still up?_

I smirked at his words.

Did I tease him?

_-What are you still doing UP?_

I was cruel. But he was up for the challenge, I was sure.

He responded back almost immediately.

_-You know I am still up. Can't help it, thinking of you. _

Why did the idea of him lying in bed with a giant hard on make me want to touch myself.

_-Wish you were here. Getting a new bed tomorrow. You broke my old one. :P_

_-I did not. Just wait until I am pounding into you. Get a sturdy bed. _

My body was flaming at the idea of pounding. I could just imagine Edward over me, groaning and… pounding.

_-Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. _

_-Why?_

He confused me so much sometimes. First hot and so much the bad boy, then bashful and apologetic.

My phone vibrated in my hand, Edward calling instead of answering the text.

"Why should you be sorry, Edward?" I asked, answering the phone.

"_I don't want you to think I am in this just to fuck_," he murmured and then groaned. _"Shit, I shouldn't have said that either."_

"Edward," I said, sighing wearily. "I thought we've been through this. After tonight, I think you know how much I want you."

_"Fuck, Bella, you can't say those things,_" he moaned and I could hear him sliding into his sheets, a long groan escaping his lips.

"But I want to say those things, Edward," I continued, my voice whisper soft, so Charlie couldn't hear. "I want you to know what I'm thinking. Do you want to know what I am thinking, Edward?"

I heard another muffled groan and then a soft yes.

"Edward, I'm thinking of sabotaging my dad's boat so that he's left stranded in the middle of the lake so we can have an entire Saturday together to break in this new bed I'm getting. And I don't mean just foreplay, although I liked the foreplay very much. I want more."

_"Bella."_

"I want to feel you against me, over me, behind me and under me," I continued, my heart pounding from the adrenaline and nerves.

_"Fuck, Bella."_

"Exactly," I replied.

_"You're killing me, Bella,"_ he breathed.

Immediately I felt guilty.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I shouldn't be so forward. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

He made a deep throated noise like a growl and I heard shuffling again.

_"I'm very comfortable right now, Bella,"_ he said, his voice rough. _"I just hate being in this bed all alone. It was so much better with you in it. I wish you were still here right now."_

His breathing quickened and I wished I was there too. To help him out.

"What do you think about when you… right now," I whispered, grinning.

Because I knew what he was doing right this minute.

He groaned again.

_"You,"_ he hissed. _"I'm thinking of you."_

"What about me?" I asked, shoving a pillow in between my legs. I was pent up again, but knew nothing would ever be better than what he had done to me earlier.

Why couldn't he be here now?

_"You, Bella,"_ he said again and he sounded like he was panting. _"I can smell you here in my bed and I want you naked here again. I want to make you come. Over and over. I want to hear you again. And I want to feel you. I really want to just let go with you. God I want you, Bella."_

He panted harder and then I heard my name drawn out in a long stuttering moan.

I hoped he had sound proof walls.

I hoped Charlie couldn't hear him through the phone.

When he could manage a breath again he sighed and laughed softly.

_"I can't believe you just listened while I got off,"_ he mumbled.

"I liked it," I whispered. "I like that you think about me when you do that."

_"I do it a lot,"_ he whispered. _"Think about you that is."_

He cleared his throat and shuffled on the other end.

"_Actually,"_ he continued. _"I do the other thing a lot too."_

"And you think about me each time?" I asked, grinning.

I didn't care how many times he did it.

_"Every time,"_ he replied.

He thought of me every time.

"Doesn't it get boring?" I asked.

_"You could never be boring, Bella,"_ he replied softly.

"Will you tell me what you think about when you think of me when you do that?" I asked, blushing at the thoughts I had of him when I pleasured myself.

He chuckled and I swore I could see him tugging on his hair.

_"Maybe another night, Bella,"_ he replied. _"If I tell you now, I'll just get worked up again and I won't be able to stop myself from climbing that tree again. And you need your sleep."_

"Fine," I said, pretending to be put off.

_"I want to know what you think about,"_ he said. _"When you…you know."_

"That could take a while," I teased. "I think about it _a lot_."

He laughed and i heard him sigh.

_"You're trouble, you know that?"_

"Finally," I teased. "You are starting to understand."

_"You liked tonight, right?"_ he asked, his voice soft again, almost hesitant.

I smiled into the phone and closed my eyes, thinking back on the evening.

"It was great. You're amazing,"I said. "I'm sorry I fell asleep. It was a long day."

He was quiet on the other side for a moment before I heard him sigh again.

_"I'll let you get some sleep then, and maybe we can talk tomorrow,"_ he said and I heard him yawn.

"Can you come over tomorrow afternoon?" I asked, feeling sleepy suddenly.

_"I'd like that. Will your dad be there?"_

"Probably," I replied, pouting.

_"Well, we'll work on behaving,_" he replied and sighed. _"Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."_

"Sweet dreams," I answered and hung up, grinning at the ceiling.

I was sure to have good dreams of Edward.

Of course dreaming about Edward was bound to make me frustrated no matter what. My dreams that night were disjointed and intense as I dreamt of Edward climbing in through the bedroom window, only to have the window creak along with the bed. The noise woke me up, discovering that my bed was squeaking more than ever with just the slightest movement.

Obviously, Edward had broken my bed.

That thought made me smile as I nestled into the blankets that smelled faintly of him.

What I wouldn't give to have him against me again.

Hopefully tomorrow.

Until then I would just have to enjoy sweet dreams of Edward.

**~~oo~~**

"What about this one, Bells?"

I could hear how bored Charlie was. It was his fault he wanted to come to Port Angeles on a Sunday. It was his fault that he was missing the game.

So I tried bed number five. The tiny little rock hard bed that certainly didn't squeak.

Because it was made from concrete or something.

"This one's too hard," I said, and rolled out of the bed for the next one.

Which felt like a sponge.

"Let me guess," Charlie said, laughing. "Too soft?"

"Ha ha, Dad," I said and rolled out of that one.

He sighed and pointed to the full size bed.

"All right, Goldie Locks. That's the last one," he grumbled, eyeing it for its size.

It was still small in comparison to Edward's huge bed.

I had a feeling I wanted to spend more time at Edward's.

Because his was _just right_.

I hopped into the bed and rolled around in it, enjoying the support immediately.

Time to check for squeaking.

And the best way to do that was to bounce around.

"What are you doing?" Charlie growled, watching me as I flopped around on the bed like a big mouth bass on the fishing line.

I stopped bouncing long enough to push my hair back.

"Checking for squeaks," I shot back.

It was starting to become obvious that whenever Charlie's mustache twitched, he was uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Nevermind," he groused and motioned the salesperson over. "We'll take this one, I guess."

I smiled and flopped back into my new bed, laying across it in a diagonal. I rolled over and over again, enjoying the distance I could achieve just in rolling.

This was most definitely an improvement to my old bed.

Not a squeak or creak at all.

And there was plenty of room for two. In any position.

Now I just had to convince Charlie that he needed to go on a long fishing trip.

I had to break this sucker in after all.

**~~oo~~**

**AN: YAY for new beds and phone sex! Look for more this week as I go. They'll be short. Just warning now!**

**Pray tech goes well this weekend. I wanna get to a grand slam homerun before long and so does Bella! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	49. Chapter 49

**Allright, I said this one would be short… and then Edward got to thinking and Charlie got to talking…. Sigh… so there you have it. It's their fault. **

**Papa Don't Take No Mess- Fred Wesley and the J.B's**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 49: I wondered where his gun was. **

**EPOV**

I saw the Chief's truck in the driveway when I pulled up, plastic covering something large in the back. He was coming out of the house when I slid out of my car.

"Edward! Perfect timing!" he called out and slapped me hard across the back. "You can help."

I saw Bella from the porch, her eyes wide and shaking her head slightly.

"Really, Dad," she said quickly. "I can help. You don't have to ask Edward."

"Nonsense," the Chief said, grinning at me. "Need a strong man here to make sure this thing is put together properly."

"Um," I stammered and nodded, not knowing what else to do.

It wasn't like the Chief was going to threaten me while building Bella's bed, was he?

Was he?

"You got all the bedding off your old one?" the Chief called out to Bella as he untied the straps holding her bed in the truck.

"I didn't ask Edward over so he could help put my bed together, Dad," she continued, hands on hips.

She was blushing now too.

I loved it when she blushed.

"I can go call Jake," he said.

And then her blush was gone.

"Eww, no thank you," she muttered and gave me an apologetic look.

"Great! Let's get this in before it rains!" he said and motioned me to one side of the mattress. It wasn't the twin Bella had said he said she was getting.

It was a little bigger.

Something I fought hard not to think about. Instead I looked back at the truck.

"There's no box springs," I added as we started up the porch steps.

"It's a platform bed," Bella said from behind her dad, grinning and waggling her eyebrows.

"Yes," the Chief grumbled. "No place for boys to hide under when they sneak in at night."

My eyes widened and I almost tripped and fell on the stairs, but Bella was already swatting at her dad, covering my slip.

"There wasn't room with my old bed either, Dad," she shot back. "The springs were so worn they almost touched the ground."

"Well, this one won't have that problem," he muttered and then looked at me. "We just have to make sure it doesn't break."

I didn't really know how to respond to the Chief.

I mean, I was the one who probably broke Bella's bed. And if he knew that I had been in there that night.

And he had a gun.

There were plenty of places to dispose of a body in the Olympic Peninsula.

We returned to the truck and heaved the large box full of all the materials to finish off Bella's new bed and made it up the stairs without incident. Bella remained close by, chewing on her thumb and looking between her father and me the whole time.

Her old bed came apart easily. It appeared it really was only put together by four bolts and some luck.

"Bells, why don't you go to my work shop and grab out a couple hammers and some socket wrenches. Says here we need the 15mm sockets," he said, glancing over the instructions before pulling out long pieces of wood.

"I don't think I should go rummaging through your stuff, Dad," she started, only to have him look up at her expectantly. She swallowed and nodded, mouthing apologies to me as she slipped out of the room.

Leaving me alone with the Chief.

I wondered where his gun was.

"So, Edward."

I cringed at those words. I had heard them so many times from Carlisle. I hated to think what Chief Swan would say and think with those two words.

"Yes, sir?"

He didn't look up at me, only handed me one of the boards and pointed at the head of where her bed would go.

"You're seeing my daughter, so I feel the need to lay down some rules here," he said calmly, handing me another board.

"Absolutely, sir. I wouldn't go against anything you asked," I replied quickly, worried he'd ask exactly what I was afraid he would.

"Bella is my little girl, but I know she's grown up. But I didn't get to really see her much as a little girl," he said, glancing up at me warily.

I nodded and let him continue.

"So you have to understand this dating thing is sort of weird for me," he said.

"I can understand that, Chief Swan," I mumbled and took another piece of wood from him.

"But I want her to feel like she can trust me, and not go doing things behind my back, you understand?"

I nodded again.

I should have never snuck in.

I swallowed and waited for him to bring it up.

"She's got a mind of her own, and bless her, she has my determination," he said, shaking his head slightly. "So when she wants something, no one can stop her from getting it."

"I've noticed," I murmured and then cleared my throat. "She has been really courageous in regards to what she has had to deal with about my family. And me."

"I like your mom," he said and frowned. "Your father I will deal with. And your brother… well I hope you aren't like your brother."

He looked up at me, his eyes boring into mine.

"No… no sir," I stammered. I had no idea what he thought of Emmett, but apparently it wasn't good.

He nodded and cracked a smirk.

"I didn't think so," he conceded. "Bells has a pretty good sense about people. It's why I trust her with you when maybe other parents would worry."

"I'd never hurt Bella," I said hurriedly. "I respect her. And I like her a lot. She isn't like other girls."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No, she's not."

"I didn't mean it that way, sir," I replied, stumbling over my words. "I mean she's kind and strong and beautiful and knows what she wants."

He sighed and leaned back into his heels, looking around her room. He looked a little wistful.

"She does. She is. Sometimes I don't see my baby girl, I see the adult she is," he whispered before turning back to me. "I expect you to be good to her."

I nodded, my thoughts on only just that.

"I know you guys will get into mischief," he said and cleared his throat again, glancing at the old bed leaned against the corner. "Just… don't treat my girl to some ham handed back seat fumbling or what have you. I don't want to pull up to your car one night."

He shuddered and frowned at me.

"And I don't want to be a grandpa. I am too young and too much the eligible bachelor for that crap just yet," he said, pointing at me.

"No sir. I wouldn't do that," I rushed out. "Junior is hard enough to manage."

I glanced over at where our flour sack sat, looking down at me with judging slits for eyes.

How long had it been there, watching this awkward conversation?

That thing creeped me out sometimes.

"Well, I just want you to know that whatever Bells wants she usually gets," he said and eased back over the boards to her bed. "I can't pretend that things won't happen. I work nights and all."

I just blinked at him.

I know he wasn't giving us permission to have sex in their house.

Couldn't be.

"Just," he said and I watched as he wrinkled up his nose and shook his head. "I have a gun, boy. Be good to her. And if I hear that you hurt her… Just be respectful and don't make me regret this."

He extended his hand and looked at me expectantly.

"I'll take good care of her, sir," I replied and took his hand. I let him squeeze it hard.

"Good. I hate not being here for her all the time. I trust you'll keep her safe," he said and released my hand, grinning dangerously.

"I'll do my best, Chief Swan," I replied and tried to match his grin.

He had no idea. Or maybe he did.

I'd just have to remember. He had a gun.

"Well, let's get this thing built. And if it breaks, I'm blaming you," he said just as Bella came in, arms full of tools.

She looked from her dad to me, one eyebrow raised.

"No blood?" she asked.

"Not yet," the Chief replied, smirking.

Bella rolled her eyes at him and handed off the tools, taking over for her dad in the reading of the instructions. We spent most of the afternoon up in her room, and while it was a little strange to have her dad there too, it was a learning experience too.

Charlie Swan was not like my dad at all. I could see he cared about his daughter. He was protective of her, but let her do her own thing, regardless of whether he approved or not. I am not sure how he really felt about us dating. No doubt Carlisle had tarnished an already shaky image of me in his mind. But I caught him watching Bella and me many times when she'd smile and hand me something.

He saw everything.

So maybe he saw how much I adored his daughter.

And while I am sure he also knew I was horny as fuck setting up a bed I prayed I'd be in one day very soon with her, he seemed to look past that.

He didn't judge.

On my way out that evening, he shook my hand again, thanking me for helping out. It wasn't as fierce as it had been earlier. I drove home thinking that perhaps Bella had the perfect family life. Regardless of her parents' divorce, they still loved her and wanted the best for her.

Esme wanted that too for us.

I smiled and thought about how much had changed in the last few weeks.

And then the smile turned to a grimace at the thought of Carlisle somehow messing it up.

I wondered when the other shoe would drop.

Hopefully never.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	50. Chapter 50

**Happy Sunday all! Sorry for the delay. Hang in there folks. Many of you are worried about that other shoe…. Mmhmm. Well not this chapter. lol**

**This is completely unedited. literally just wrote the last couple words moments ago. But if i don't post now, it won't happen today. So here ya go!**

**Let's Get It Started- Black Eyed Peas**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 50: Mouth invading. **

**BPOV**

Three weeks. Three long weeks after my new bed arrived and no opportunities to break it in.

It seemed whenever Charlie worked overnights, it was not a good night for Edward to sneak in. And whenever we were together and our parents were around, it seemed there was no time to ever really be alone.

I was beginning to think that my dad had somehow convinced Edward that I was not to be touched.

I had barely felt more than a good boob grope in our meadow the one day it didn't rain.

I knew this was a good thing. Taking it slow and easy. No need to rush.

Slow was good.

Slow was….

_Slow. _

Slow was killing me.

But it was good for Edward. He needed slow it seemed.

Each week that passed seemed to bring a little bit more out of him. He smiled more; he talked more about his past. Every Saturday he spent with his therapist seemed to make him more confident when we did get a few minutes alone.

But a girl needs more than five minutes and I was starting to feel the strain of behaving.

Sometimes being good was just cruel.

"What's the matter glum face?"

I looked up from the cookie tray to find Jasper watching me from the door. He had warmed up to me considerably since that first weekend when Dr. Cullen had shown up. Getting a restraining order delivered to the good doctor seemed to have made him vanish from town. Jasper seemed happy to not have anymore confrontations, and I wondered if Dr. Creepy avoided the Whitlocks completely. Jasper hadn't told me anything about how he knew the Cullens, but he had opened up on other things.

Like his time in the military.

That he had seen action he often wished he'd forget.

He was from Texas, which explained his drawl.

That he met Alice in Chicago.

That was the closest to commenting on the Cullens as he came.

"Really," he continued. "You've been quiet all day. Something happen with your boyfriend?"

"No, things are okay," I mumbled and rolled out the next bit of dough. "It's just a lot of things."

A lot of tingly things that I was missing.

"You like working here though, right?" he asked, frowning.

"Baking is like therapy to me, Jasper," I replied, smiling shyly.

"And you need therapy?" he asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

I blushed and turned back to the dough.

"No," I said quickly and pursed my lips when I saw him smirk. "I don't really need therapy, just a way to vent."

"Ah," he replied, and chuckled. "Oh to be a teenager in love again."

"Cut it out," I retorted.

But truly, I needed some kind of outlet.

"Well, I suppose with your dad being the Chief of Police, it's gotta be difficult for you to get any time alone with your boyfriend," he replied and stepped a little closer to the counter I was working at, smirking.

"My dad likes him," I said defensively.

"Have they had the talk yet?" he countered.

I didn't have to answer, he simply smiled.

"And that's why maybe you have been seeing him pull back a bit?" he suggested. "Guys are intimidated by fathers with guns, no matter how civil they are."

I frowned over the almond cookies I was shaping.

That explained the quick gropes and the good behavior at my house. Edward watching the World Series with Charlie when my dad insisted on a little bonding time. The outright refusal to come sneaking over to my house, even when Charlie was on overnights.

The talk. And the three weeks of simple dating.

"Don't kill the cookies; it's not their fault that fathers cock block."

I looked down to see the happy crescent shaped cookies looked more like some twisted version of what Van Gogh would make. In dough form.

"Sorry," I mumbled and went to correct them.

"Not my problem," he retorted, "It's not _my_ children's relatives you're mutilating."

He winked at me and returned to the front counter when he heard the bell for the door.

I followed out a few minutes later to find my dad standing there in his nice flannel shirt and freshly brushed hair.

"What's up Dad?" I asked, checking out the rest of his clothes. He was dressed to go out.

He scratched at his mustache and avoided my stare.

"I was just getting some cookies," he said and I could see him blush.

Charlie was blushing?

"I could have brought cookies home, Dad," I said slowly, curious to his reaction.

"Oh, well. I was going to head down to see Billy tonight," he replied, fidgeting. "Sue is making dinner and I thought I'd bring something. You know."

It was no secret that Charlie had a little thing for Sue Clearwater. He just didn't act on it because he respected his dead best friend, Harry. Sue's husband. Sue on the other hand had been hitting on him forever, according to Jake. This was promising information if he was going down to see Sue.

"So," I said. "You'll be out late?"

I wasn't going to get excited over that. Not that Edward would think to do anything in my house knowing that Charlie would be coming home at some point.

But Charlie was fidgeting more.

"I thought I'd stay with Billy tonight," he said, glancing at me awkwardly. "Fishing early in the morning and all. It would be easier than driving all the way back in the morning."

I nodded, processing.

Night alone.

Night alone…

_Night alone._

"Are you all right with me leaving you alone on the weekend?"

I looked up to find him staring at me strangely. Did he know what I was thinking?

"I mean I know you'll be with Edward tonight, but _overnight_," he said and left his sentence unfinished.

But I knew he was suggesting that Edward not stay the night.

Of course.

Not that Edward would.

"I'll be fine Dad," I said finally. "It's not like you don't leave me alone on overnights."

"Yeah, I know, I just mean I don't want you to worry," he said, apologetic.

The sound of the door opening drew my attention away for a moment as a woman stepped in, looking around for a moment before coming to stand behind Charlie.

Jasper stepped in to finish off Charlie's box of cookies, smiling at the both of us.

"I'm sure Bella will be fine. I put all the special cookies in this box, Chief Swan. You're sure to impress your friends with Bella's cookies," he said and handed my dad a large box.

Charlie nodded and looked over at me again.

"Just call me if you need anything," he said and took a step back towards the door. "For anything. And behave yourself. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I smirked and cocked my eyebrow at him.

"You _know_ what I mean," he said and shook his head as he slipped outside.

But I was still thinking about being alone with Edward.

_Alone_ alone.

"Father's can be so protective."

I looked up to find the lady who had walked in smiling down at me.

"Um, yeah. I guess," I replied, trying to offer her a smile.

Nosey woman.

"They just always seem to know what their daughters need, when really we know they are just trying to keep us from what we really _want_," she continued in simple conversation.

Jasper excused himself to the back to check on things will I started filling the woman's order, remaining quiet while she rattled on about just visiting and driving through town.

"My friend said you had great pastries here so I wanted to surprise him with some," she said, all smiles.

She was really pretty.

Tall and buxom, with long blondish hair that was pulled up in a twist. Not really blonde but not really a red head either. And blue eyes that tracked me as I moved to fill her box. She seemed comfortable as she stood there, smiling and talking like she had known me for some time.

"We do have good baked goods," I said, trying to be polite.

She seemed nice enough, if not overly casual.

"You're such a pretty girl. And a baker too? Your boyfriend is certainly lucky!"

"That'll be eleven dollars and fifty two cents," I said when I had rung her order up, ignoring her conversation.

She smiled and handed me a twenty, waving me off when I moved to get her change.

"Keep it," she replied and took her box, still staring at me. "Thanks so much, Bella."

Her smile never falters as she smoothly turned to leave. I watched as she walked out, her tall boots clicking on the floor until she stepped outside and into a dark car in the parking lot.

I returned to my work, forgetting the nosey woman and thinking again about what Charlie had said.

Tonight I would be alone.

Now the only question was did I tell Edward immediately or wait until he came over.

Would he freak out and sidetrack if I told him earlier?

Or should I pull out all the stops and seduce him already?

My vote was on seducing.

First, I needed to make it so we didn't have to leave tonight. Dinner in, comfortable surroundings. Sexy underwear.

Second, I needed to make it impossible for him to say no.

Tonight was the night.

That bed was getting broken in.

I was determined to make it happen.

So maybe I acted a little aggressively when Edward finally knocked on the door in the late afternoon.

Who knew I had it in me to drag him inside, his eyes wide but his body fast learning what it was I wanted.

All this slow business can make a girl combust. So sue me.

I pulled him inside and practically tackled him as soon as the door was closed.

"What?" was all Edward could say before my lips were on him.

He reacted to my kiss eagerly, the door becoming a most welcome support against my back as he pressed up against me, mouth on mouth. I may have looked a little crazy, wrapping my legs around him to make him hold me tighter.

Pressing.

Pushing.

Mouth invading.

Pulling away panting.

"Please tell me you father's not here," he groaned, his eyes glanced towards the living room.

"Gone all night," I breathed and tightened my hold on him around his hips.

Pressing.

Panting.

Thinking.

Thinking.

_Thinking. _

"Stop thinking, Edward," I whispered and pulled his lips to mine, forceful until he was just about to touch them.

And then I barely grazed his lips.

Tender.

The only slow I ever wanted again.

Gentle.

"_Bella."_

"Upstairs?" I whispered against his lips.

"Upstairs."

Yes!

This was going to happen.

Finally.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: yes yes… cockblock… yadda yadda yadda. **

**But this is going to take a while… next chapter will be long… long long long. **

**Until next time! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	51. Chapter 51

**So sorry this is so long in coming (TWSS). I was down and out sick most of this week. Just not conducive to writing sexy times… but I'm finally feeling up for it now… hehehe. **

**And as promised... this is the longest chapter yet... goodness this could be 40 normal drabbly chapters...smirk**

**And as this is extra long… so it deserves a few songs….**

**Bang Bang Bang Bang- Johnny Lee Hooker**

**Tonight's the Night- Solomon Burke**

**Let's Get It On- Marvin Gaye**

**Pop My Cherry- Fiona Apple (feat Marilyn Manson)**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 51: Bang. Bang. Bang bang.**

**EPOV **

Upstairs.

Upstairs.

_Up the stairs damn it! _

She was light as a feather in my arms as I practically threw her over my shoulder to carry her up the stairs.

I had been fantasizing about this for a month now.

Since that night I snuck in.

Imagining her.

Feeling her.

Taking her.

_Slow. Supposed to do this slow. _

_Fuck slow. Three weeks we've been slow. _

For a reason.

_You want to be sure that you are not replacing that need you had with Tanya for this, Edward. Your girlfriend deserves to be worshipped for herself. _

Alice's words rang in my head again and again.

_Taking it slow is good for both of you. _

_Until you are sure that you feel for her the way you should. Not just hormones. _

_But love. _

More than anything I knew I loved her.

Admitting that in my head made me slow down as soon as we entered her room.

I took several deep breaths against her neck and I slid her to the floor, holding her close. I glanced at the bed I had been thinking about for weeks, and suddenly realized that this was indeed happening. I didn't have the willpower to say no any more.

And it appeared neither did she.

She stood before me, looking up at me with that determined look I had come to love.

She was preparing for me to say no.

"When is your dad coming home?" I asked, my voice low.

She smirked up at me and laid her hands over my chest, easing their way down to my waist.

"Not until tomorrow."

Her eyes spoke volumes.

_Stay. _

_I'm ready. _

_Don't back out_.

I licked my lips and let my hands wander, to the hem of her shirt and underneath, sneaking the material up as I leaned in to kiss her again softly.

Tenderly.

I was going to make this special for her.

Even though I'd probably only last a few seconds, I was determined to make her feel everything she should. With Tanya, it would have been different. She knew what to expect. With Bella, this was something new for both of us.

I wanted it to be right.

She moaned into my mouth when she felt her shirt rising past her breasts. The backs of my fingers brushed against her taut nipples and I realized she wasn't wearing a bra underneath.

"Killing me, Bella," I groaned and pulled the shirt up over her head, breaking our kiss.

Her shirt pulled off, she followed my lead and removed mine, grinning as she did so. I took the moment to look her over, her skin glowing in the soft light of her room. With no pressure to hurry, I could slow everything down and enjoy each step.

Bella of course had other plans.

Her hands slid down my chest, making their way to the button to my jeans. I heard what could only be described as something akin to a purr before she popped my buttons roughly, eyes concentrating on her task. She pulled the denim down past my thighs, slipping from my hands to kneel before me to remove my shoes and then afterwards my jeans.

I stood before her in nothing but tented boxers, and her hungry eyes took me in like she was ready for an extended camp out.

Her hands glided up my calves, over my knees and splayed wide as they worked their way up my thighs. I groaned when she rose up on her knees, her mouth inches from my cock.

"Bella," I groaned, clenching my hands into fists at my sides, willing myself to calm down.

Three times today before coming over, you'd think I'd have some stamina.

But as her hand pressed against me, even with the fabric covering me, I knew I didn't stand a chance of lasting even a few seconds.

"Stop, you need to stop or I won't…" I gasped, reaching out to grab her hand.

I let out a cleansing breath and looked down to find her frowning at me.

_Shit. _

"I just don't want tonight to finish before it starts," I explained, my voice sounding overly strained in my ears.

Her frown deepened and she slowly stood, her gaze dropping to the subject of her obsession.

"I thought guys bounced back fast," she murmured and I enjoyed watching her blush at her words.

I pulled her hand towards me, drawing her a little closer, making her turn her head up to regard me.

"We usually do," I said and let out a frustrated breath. "But I don't want to let you and then not be able to later. As it is I'm only going to last a few seconds. You have me pretty wound up."

Her frown disappeared and a devilish smirk replaced it.

"I do?" she asked and pressed her body a little closer to me. Her jeans are a bother as they scratch against me.

I want to feel her skin against me. Not clothing.

"Take your pants off, and I'll show you," I murmured, in what I hoped was my dominating tone.

Her eyes widened slightly before she grinned and stepped back, allowing me a full show of her as she slowly removed her jeans. I swear if I didn't know any better, she had done this before.

She did stripteases amazingly well.

Something to remember one day.

I'd make her do it again.

But tonight was special.

As soon as she had kicked off her jeans, her underwear went next, making me groan at the slow peeling away of the material.

_Killing me. _

Standing there naked before me, her eyes looking up at me in a way that said she was ready, I stepped forward and took her head in my hands, kissing her deeply. I wanted to make her feel everything.

Everything good about this.

The pain of sex would be hard enough. So I wanted her to feel every good part of making love before that inevitable pain came to be.

Followed by a few seconds of me inside her.

I was never going to last.

I pushed all my insecurities out of my head and concentrated on her. The feel of her body pressed against mine. I could feel her nipples harden as they brushed across my chest. Her erratic breathing as I moved from her mouth to her jaw, to her ear and then down the length of her throat. Her heart beat as it thundered in her neck. I nipped at where her neck met her shoulder and she shivered against me, moaning louder than she had ever before.

I was discovering a lot about her now that we were well and truly alone.

She liked biting.

That revelation made my own body shiver.

So many possiblities.

_Later. _

I moved her towards the bed, feeling her body rock against me as we moved, her stomach pushing and swaying against my already aggravated cock. It wanted out, my boxers keeping it well restrained while the rest of me was enjoying her hot skin rubbing against mine. But I knew if I let it out to play, it would find its way into trouble.

It knew what it wanted.

And I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.

_Slow. Taking this slow. Build it up for her. Give her everything before you let it out. _

If my cockwasn't frustrated now, _it_ would be soon when I was tasting where _it _wanted to be.

"Lay down," I whispered against her throat, pulling away from her to clear my senses for a moment.

She pulled the blankets aside and scrambled into the bed, licking her lips as she reclined there, her pale, flawless skin framed by her dark sheets.

She was so very beautiful.

I swallowed and bent over to find my jeans again, flushing nervously when I pulled out the condom packet from my pocket.

It looked like I had been expecting to get lucky tonight by pulling it out. But when I looked up at her, with her dark eyes staring at me wantonly, I forgot how eager it must look, I simply placed the packet on the nightstand and stood frozen by the bed taking her in.

I wanted to remember every second of this night.

I wanted to make it memorable for her too.

I just needed to get through the next half hour or so. And then maybe all night after that.

If I didn't screw up the first part.

As if to persuade me to get on with it, she reached up and tugged me towards her, that playful smile turning wicked as my eyes widened.

"Don't over think this, Edward. I want this. You want this," she whispered, her lips close to mine. "So let's stop avoiding this."

"I'm not over thinking," I replied, my own smile taking over. "I'm just trying to plot out my battle plan at how to make you enjoy this."

She rolled her eyes at me and giggled.

"I'll enjoy it any way you give it to me," she said and arched her eyebrow. "You just need to give it to me already."

So eager.

_Fuck._

I wasn't going to last.

At all.

One touch and _pffft_. I'd be done.

She squirmed against me and adjusted so that I was now in between her legs, her eyes staring up at me intently. I swallowed and leaned in, kissing her to distract her from her determined path. I wanted a little more time. Just until she had gotten off.

At least once before I dove in.

_Not dove. _

She'd need gentle coaxing.

But her persistent body as it clutched at me was telling me otherwise.

_Killing me. _

"Please, Edward," she pleaded, eyes begging.

My hands moved over her body, willing my own body to hold out as she pressed against it, legs wrapping around me like a boa ready to constrict me into submission.

She had no idea.

I continued my trek down her body, feeling her hands in my hair as I blew a soft breath over one nipple, smiling as I watched it contract further. She groaned and writhed again, arching her breasts up to meet my mouth. I took it happily between my lips.

I knew she enjoyed it.

The sounds she made. A symphony in my ears.

The way her thighs flexed around me, pressing me against her.

My cock twitched against the heat of her.

It wanted out.

And then _in._

I groaned at the thought and moved my hand down her side, searching her out. Bella let out a whimper when my fingers slid in between us, slipping against her.

So incredibly hot and wet and needy.

She gasped when I slid one finger inside her, her back arching and then convulsing from the attention. I could feel her thighs tightening again.

I had no idea she was that close to coming.

She was on fire and moaning, shaking when I slipped a second finger inside.

I wanted her ready for me.

Sated at least once, but ready for me.

I was a bit more than simply two fingers.

"God, please," she begged, her hands sliding down my back, slipping under my boxers to grasp at my ass and pull me closer. She essentially wedged my cock against her, my hand playing middleman as I moved my fingers inside of her, curling and moving in and out.

Her moans grew louder, her fingernails digging into my flesh as she drew close.

And then her thighs clenched hard and her body quaked as she came undone, the tightening around my fingers unbelievable as she came.

How on earth was I going to last when she did that?

I knew already that she'd squeeze me just by being.

She was tight as it was.

I didn't stand a chance.

"Oh please, Edward," she gasped and all but tore at my boxers, trying to get them off of me.

I pulled away from her, sitting back on my heels to put a little distance between her heat and my struggling cock that was pushing at its own prison. Bella looked up at me with wild eyes, her hair a mess around her, her hands moving around to the front of my boxers. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, willing myself to have a little stamina.

I was breathing hard, trying to collect myself when I heard the sound of ripping plastic.

Opening my eyes, I watched in wide wonder as Bella pulled the condom from the wrapper.

I swallowed when she sat up and kissed me along the neck, one hand pulling my boxers down to free my battling cock.

And then her hand, covering me in a slow sensual tug.

"Bella," I moaned, wanting her to continue, but knowing if she did, it was one less thrust inside.

"I'm ready, Edward," she whispered. "Please."

I watched in fascination as she offered me one more slow stroke before taking the condom and sliding it slowly over me.

Fuck, she did it like a pro. Seeing her work it over me so easily made me want her even more.

"Are you sure?" I breathed when she readjusted and lay back against the sheets, licking her lips.

"Positively, Edward. I want you, please," she said, her voice strained. She held out her hand to me, beckoning me to her.

This was it.

No going back.

Why did I feel like someone would burst through the door at any moment?

I slid off the bed, ignoring her sharp intake of breath, and moved to lock the door.

I didn't care now if her dad came home early, had a gun, or a swat team with a battering ram to break down the door.

This was happening. Now. Finally.

I returned to the bed, her smirk matching mine as I settled in between her legs once more, easing her knees up to open her up to me.

"No interruptions," I murmured and leaned down to kiss her softly along her stomach, edging my body closer to her as I kissed my way back to her mouth, which greeted me eagerly.

We both groaned against one another when we felt my cock slide against her wet folds. I was happy for the condom at that moment. It helped to dull the sensation.

If only a little.

I could still feel her heat.

Could still feel her lips embracing me there.

Could still tell that she was wet for me as I slid easily against her.

I moved slowly against her again and again, being careful not to push when I angled just a little too deeply and found her entrance. I heard her intake of breath when I paused there, preparing her and myself for what was next.

"Please, Edward," she breathed, and I felt her legs tighten around me, pushing.

But I was careful.

I didn't want to push too hard. Too fast.

I sat up a bit, one hand on the bed by her breast to hold me up while I adjusted again. I could feel her entrance again, an unyielding warm hollow that beckoned. I could see myself there, like a giant rod seeking access to some small wondrous cave.

How would I fit and not hurt her?

I wasn't that big. People did it all the time.

But fuck, she looked tiny compared to me there, edging forward at her entrance.

_Push._ _In. In in._

_You know you want to. _

I swallowed and looked up into her eyes, to see her watching me, bottom lip tight in between her teeth.

"Do it," she hissed. "God please, Edward. Don't think, just do it. Please."

The warm hollow held firm for a brief instant while I leaned in, her body seeming to enfold around me some. But only just.

And then pressure. Resistance.

I kept my eyes on her as I pushed again gently.

I watched her eyes as they tightened marginally, as her lip turned a little whiter where her teeth pressed.

Pressure.

Push. Slow.

A gasp and then suddenly a yielding.

And I was in.

Only a little, because the gasp from her lips made me pause.

Agonizingly strained as I felt the head of my cock gripped by her deep thrumming warmth.

Even through the condom, it felt amazing.

But her teeth were digging.

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried I was in fact far more than simply two fingers worth and this was killing her.

She nodded and I felt her legs tighten around me, beckoning me.

_In. _

So I pushed.

Slow.

Tip completely enveloped.

Stretching.

Yielding.

Fuck that felt amazing.

Every little bit as I moved, I could feel her taking me in.

I groaned and froze half way in, closing my eyes to try and regroup.

So tight. So hot. So amazing.

Nothing compared to this.

No hand. No amount of self pleasured fantasy.

Not even her mouth.

This was something completely different.

And _amazing. _

I let out a breath and opened my eyes to look back down at her, gauging her comfort.

She nodded and pressed her legs against me again, willing me forward, eyes darker and heavier now.

I groaned as I slid further inside her, expecting at some point to find her limit.

She was tiny compared to me, after all.

Surely there was a roof.

That or I was to her spleen by now.

Fuck she felt good.

And I had lasted more than a few seconds.

Amazing.

I let out a long breath when I fully filled her, enjoying the depth and unbelievable sensation of her gripping me from the inside.

Was this how it would always be?

So incredibly warm and tight and….

"Amazing," I groaned and looked down to see the two of us joined together. There was nothing of me to be seen.

She had taken all of me.

I held myself as still as I could as I lowered myself against her, wanting to feel her along my body as I moved. I wanted her mouth on mine. I wanted to breathe her in. Her eyes were dark as they looked up at me, a tender smile on her face. Her fingers traced over my hairline, ghosting over my cheek and down my neck, ending finally at my shoulder, where she pulled gently.

Quietly commanding me to move.

And so I did.

Slow.

Oh God that felt unbelievable.

Like her mouth sucking against me as I withdrew, only with more pressure. I wondered how the tension didn't simply rip the condom off, leaving it inside of her as I pulled out. But it moved with me, my body pulling away only as far as leaving the tip inside, before slowly returning with a long groan as she took me in.

"Fuck Bella," I groaned, not sure how long I would be able to keep this up.

Slow was nice.

Slow was keeping me from coming.

But what would it do to me when I sped up?

When the thrusting became just that.

I hoped I had put enough screws into this bed to keep up with us.

I pushed inside of her again, breathing in long breaths with each push and pull.

Like a meditation.

Out slow. _Don't come yet. _

In slower. _Not yet. No, not yet. _

Slow… slow… _so good. So unbelievably good. _

In… out.

So incredible.

In…out… pleasured moan from both of us.

_Breathe. _

"More."

Her breathy request made my balls tighten.

I didn't dare go faster.

_Wouldn't. Last. _

Fuck. I could feel her heartbeat around me now. Another kind of thrumming to tease me.

She tightened her hold around my shoulders, and I felt her ankles slide up a little higher around my hips, changing the angle as I moved again, sliding a little easier.

Deeper.

Deeper?

Fuck she was perfect.

"Please, Edward," she whispered near my ear. I felt her lips on my jaw. Her tongue darting out to taste me before her teeth nipped at the roughness there.

"Fuck, Bella," I whimpered and felt my hips move on instinct.

A little harder. A little faster.

Her breathing picked up. A whimper and another nip against my jaw. More urgent. More frenzied. More.

Urging me.

Faster.

_Damn. Oh god, so good. _

I could feel her fingers moving along my back, a delectable scratching that travelled down until she was grasping me tight, panting and gripping.

Everywhere.

Gripping.

Faster.

Fuck, the faster I went the more she seemed to grip me.

Maddening.

And still I was going.

A miracle for the record books.

"Yes, Edward," she mewled, and I felt her thighs gripping and trembling against my hips.

Harder.

Faster.

Tightening.

Winding up.

Just a little more.

_Come on, Bella. Please go before me._

Seconds. I was seconds away. Would she go before me?

Quivering. She was shaking and gripping and panting and saying my name over and over.

And my balls were contracted and ready to go.

I couldn't.

Hold.

On.

"Bella!" I cried out and thrust hard and fast into her, feeling everything uncoil like an explosion inside of me, causing me to jerk and pump against her erratically.

I heard her call out to me, but my mind was stunned dumb by the sheer power of my orgasm. I held myself still, deeply buried inside her as I felt myself release for what seemed like an eternity. I could feel her gripping me, clenching and unclenching over and over.

It left me breathless and spent, my body slumped on top of her for I don't know how long before my brain registered I was undoubtedly crushing her. I groaned and rolled away, pulling her with me.

I didn't want to break up our union, but it seemed my body, having been well sated, was simply not meant to remain inside her. I winced at the suddenness of falling out of her. She groaned and nuzzled against my chest, one leg draped across mine as if to take possession of me.

I sighed and stroked her hair, my heart finally slowing enough that I could hear and sense the world around me again. I could feel her warm body against mine, both of us a little slick with sweat where we touched.

I could smell us in the room. There would be no disguising that incredible scent.

It was there. Evidence of our union.

Of our shared moment of passion and love.

Finally.

Bella sighed and wrapped her arm around me a little tighter, and I could feel her smile against my beating chest.

I knew I should get up, take care of the condom. It was already biting me, the moisture not at all comfortable in the tight confines of the latex. I understood why guys hated them so much now.

Nasty fuckers.

But necessary.

I groaned again and moved to get up, to at least find something to put it in and maybe wipe down.

Bella was already on it.

She smiled as she stretched over to her nightstand and grabbed a small hand towel and a trashcan.

I chuckled at how well prepared she was and cleaned up, not feeling at all self conscious as she watched.

At least until she spoke.

"I don't think I have ever seen you soft," she commented, looking down at my now sleeping cock.

Scratch that. Semi hard now.

She bit her lip when she noticed it twitch.

"Oh," she whispered and glanced up at me through her lashes. It was hard to tell if she was blushing or she was still flushed from our activities.

Did it matter?

"I don't think it will ever be soft around you, Bella," I growled and tossed the towel off the side of the bed, rolling back towards her to find her mouth again.

She giggled into my mouth and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close as I kissed her.

It felt different.

More relaxed.

Easy, like we had done this all our lives.

And when I gazed down at her when we broke off the kiss, she was smiling contentedly up at me.

Happy.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I whispered and smoothed her hair that seemed to want to announce how much she had moved when I had taken her.

It was a beautiful mess.

Framing her beautiful flushed face as it beamed up at me.

"Just a pinch at the beginning," she whispered and reached out to kiss me again. "It was amazing."

I grinned down at her choice of words.

_Like minds. _

Bella's hands stroked the sides of my face again, her eyes taking me in like she was looking for something that had changed.

"You look so much more relaxed," she commented, one finger tracing under my eyes and down my cheek. "Are you happy?"

"You make me so happy," I whispered and kissed her again, slow and sensual. My hands moved reverently over her body, taking in every arch of her back, every sigh as my figners found a sensitive spot.

I wanted to show her how much I enjoyed her.

I wanted to tell her how happy she made me.

That I loved her.

Was it too soon?

Was it too sentimental?

Right after the best sex I had ever had.

The only sex either of us had ever had?

I loved her.

Everything about her.

I never wanted this feeling to go away.

Would she think I was in too deep by telling her that?

Maybe I should wait.

But this feeling inside of me, it was growing. And I wanted to burst from it and share it.

Share it with her.

I nuzzled against her neck and hummed happily, burying my nose deep into her mussed hair that smelled like us. She laughed and pushed me onto my back, rolling so that she was on top of me, hair spilling over her shoulders to tickle my chest.

Already I could feel myself hardening against her thigh and when she looked down, her eyes widened, a wicked gleam twinkling in them when she looked back into my eyes.

"And who was afraid of recovery time?" she quipped, her hands sliding down my chest.

Her nails sent shivers through me as they grazed across my stomach.

"I hear it only gets better," I breathed, sucking in my breath when I felt her settle against me slightly, her ass sliding against me.

"Tell me you brought more than one condom, Edward," she whispered and leaned down as if to kiss me.

But her tongue darted out and I felt her teeth take my bottom lip, teasing it between them before she let it go.

She really did like biting.

I was in heaven.

She nibbled my chin, making her way to my ear.

I couldn't think straight.

What did she ask me?

"It's all right if you didn't," she whispered against my ear. "I did."

I blinked to try and clear my head just as she sat up and stretched away from me again, to her nightstand and the drawer there. She returned with a Cheshire grin and a long display of condoms in her hand.

Jesus god, she had about a dozen.

"That's not going to be enough," I said, earning an eyebrow raise from her and a slight wiggle of her hips, wedging my hard cock firmly between her ass cheeks.

"Well how about we start with Round Two and then we'll see," she purred and ripped one square off her long line.

I plucked it from her hands and flipped her back onto her back, making her squeal.

"I am definitely ready for Round Two," I growled and kissed her hard and fast before pulling away to ready myself.

She squirmed under me and raised her hands over her head, looking so incredibly beautiful there.

Almost submissive in her posture, except for the wicked gleam in her eyes.

"You promised pounding."

I looked up into her eyes in surprise for only a moment. The challenge is in her eyes as she held her dangerous stare on me.

Oh Round Two was sure to test the limits of the bed.

I pulled her to me, her hips and back off the bed so that her weight rested on her shoulders. Already I could feel her pushing against me.

"Hold on tight," I growled and pushed in slow, making sure not to force myself in too suddenly.

But it was really just a ruse.

Her lips quivered for only a second, and then I was moving, deep and thorough, making her gasp and grip the sheets above her head in an attempt to grab something, anything.

This was deeper, more powerful in the positioning.

It was exhilarating.

And Bella.

To watch her from this angle as she writhed and moaned and trembled beneath me.

I could witness the flush along her body as she grew more aroused. I could see her struggle to hold out, looking up at me with wide eyes before she clenched them shut and arched and shook, moaning out my name in a plaintive cry as she came.

I could feel the sweat run down between my shoulder blades, until I loosened my grip on her hips and pulled one of her knees close to my chest, changing the angle of how I entered her, slowing down to savor how she felt around me.

Slowing. Deep long thrusts.

Regrouping.

Hearing her hum and sigh and say my name over and over.

Like a rhythm I could move to.

Yes. Yes. God. Edward. Yes. Yes. Oh. Edward.

And a beat to that voice.

_Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang bang. _

What was that?

I let my eyes followed the noise to see her bed, moving just slightly, too close to the wall.

_Bang. Bang. Bang Bang bang. _

I grinned in spite of the noise.

No bed was safe.

Not from us.

We would have to do something about it eventually. But for now, alone, I hoped it reverberated throughout the house.

_Bang. Bang. Bang Bang. _

Yes. Yes. God yes!

Speeding up.

Leaning into her, deepening again as I felt her body tightening once again.

Round two earned me some stamina.

I felt her come undone again before it was finally too much for me and I let go, the feeling just as intense as the first.

So much better than anything before Bella.

I fell back into the bed beside her, hot and sweaty and now a little sticky from us, but feeling giddy I had made it through to give her two orgasms this time.

"That was incredible," she panted beside me, sprawled out in the remaining half of the bed.

We were too hot now to cuddle, but her hand found mine beside me and she held it tight, humming as she breathed.

Another wonderful rhythm that was all us.

Contented breathing between the two of us.

We worked very well together.

I discarded the second condom and frowned slightly when I noticed the bit of blood on it. Rolling over to prop myself on my side, I traced my fingers over Bella's cooling body, her eyes finding mine lazily.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

She nodded and moved to her side, wincing slightly.

I frowned at the action but she shook it off.

"I'm a little sore, I admit," she said and reached for my hand again, squeezing it. "But it is so worth it to have you here with me."

I swallowed and looked her over; to be sure she truly is fine.

Slightly flushed still, and I could see her heart still beating hard against her chest. But she smiled, and the way her face glowed told me she was all right. I leaned over her and kissed her softly, enjoying the hum she made as my tongue searched her slowly. When I pull away, I feel weak.

Sated and happy.

My eyes feel heavy.

My body boneless.

She snuggled against me, and I welcomed it because the sweat has turned cold and I needed a little warmth. Groaning, I let her push me back down into the sheets, my head relaxing on one of her pillows.

It really is a comfortable bed.

I felt her tug a blanket up over us and then she eased back against me, head on my chest, hand over my heart. I wrapped my arm around her, feeling safe and secure for once in a long while. Since the last time we dozed together.

Bella makes me feel safe and at ease. Normal.

She is everything to me.

I felt my eyelids grow heavy, wanting only to maybe take a nap. A quick half hour maybe so we could explore each other again.

And that overwhelming need to tell her how I feel took over. I just felt too good not to say anything.

"I love you, Bella," I murmured, nuzzling into her hair as my mind relaxed.

I felt Bella tighten her hold around my waist, her lips warm against my chest.

"I love you more, Edward."

She loves me.

I felt my heart swell at that.

I've just made love to the most incredible woman ever in my life.

And she loves me.

And I love her.

Regardless of the world's perception of me, she saw me for who I am.

Bella loves_ me_.

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**More soon. I'm hoping since I get to stay home from work to not infect my boss and my students, I can get some writing done! We'll see how that goes! **

**Hope this holds us over until then… **

**And yes… Shoe shadow looming…. But wasn't it nice not to have to worry about that here?**

**Thanks for all the well wishes! Who says this fandom is fickle. They obviously don't hang out in this group. Love to all of you. Without you, I'm just a warped individual who liked role playing with Barbies as a kid. And…an…adult…. Where did my Edward action figure get to….**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	52. Chapter 52

**Happy weekend all! I feel terrible for taking so long, but with the cold and this upcoming show, my time was reduced to a few hours of sleep and incoherent thoughts. So I apologize if anything in this chapter doesn't make sense. It took my much longer to write than I am used to. **

**I am sorry to say I will be slow updating in the coming week. This next show is a doozy, so bear with me and I'll get you something before next weekend I promise. **

**But for now… how about a nice long Bella chapter?**

**My dear jmolly wrote up a great article on how to write lemons, and she was so incredible to include a bit of the Biology Project in it! Go check it out and leave some love! Thanks jmolly!**

_**Myreadinglounge[dot] blogspot[dot] com March 7th entry: So You Want to Write a Lemon**_

**Much love to you! MWAH!**

**Oh My God- Pink**

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**Chapter 52: I hoped I paired up well with baked ziti. **

**BPOV**

I could watch Edward Cullen sleep beside me forever.

Soft angles, relaxed in sleep, he looked innocent sleeping beside me. A slight smile upturning his lips as his eyes danced under his eyelids. And then there was the heat of him against me, arm wrapped beneath my head like an Edward pillow, cradling under my neck so that his fingertips brushed against my forearm as he dreamt.

Edward Cullen was sleeping in my bed.

I smiled and sighed against him, more happy than I had ever been.

He loved me.

He hadn't freaked out on me when I said it back.

I cuddled a little more closely, my thigh moving over his to find him hard under the blanket.

He was superhuman.

He had been asleep for more than an hour, was it too soon to wake him up again?

I shifted against him again, enjoying the roughness of his thigh under mine.

Shoot, moving like that made me need to pee.

Would he wake up if I got up to pee?

I lay there with him for a few more minutes, the pressure in my bladder becoming more urgent as I lay there trying to ignore it.

I'd just slip out. Pee and come back.

And then wake him up.

It was almost nine and I had no idea when he needed to go home.

I managed to slip out of his hold without waking him and tip toed to the bathroom, snatching up his t-shirt on the way. My underwear was nowhere to be found. Sitting on the commode to do my business, I winced at the burn.

I was more tender than I thought.

And I felt a little sticky.

And smelled like latex.

_Ewww._

_Not_ sexy.

I cleaned up, the warm washcloth feeling good against my tender parts.

I sure hoped this was just the temporary side effects of virginity.

Because I planned on more.

And frequently.

I wanted to test that myth of walking funny the next day after really great sex.

I smirked at myself in the mirror until I noticed my hair, which seemed to be inches shorter.

But making up for it in poof.

Wow, if Charlie came home before I had a chance to brush this, that would have been awkward!

Thinking of Charlie made me realize that I needed to call him before too long. Otherwise he'd call me.

And who knew if I'd be able to get to the phone.

I smirked again and made my way out of the bathroom, peaking in to make sure Edward was still asleep before going downstairs to the kitchen for the phone. Of course as soon as I stepped into the kitchen, the phone rang.

It was like Charlie had a sixth sense.

I rushed to the phone so it wouldn't wake up Edward.

"Hello?"

"_Bells?"_ Charlie said on the other side. _"You didn't pick up your cell, so I worried."_

I winced and closed my eyes, remembering I had turned the volume down at work.

"Sorry Dad, I was just getting ready to call you," I said, shifting gears.

"_Oh really? I thought you'd be out with Edward?"_

"Um, yeah. It was a long day," I hedged.

I could here him clear his throat.

"_Ok,"_ he started. _"I just wanted to make sure you were safe."_

I could feel the loaded meaning in the statement.

"I'm safe, Dad, not to worry," I replied awkwardly.

Please don't ask if Edward's here.

Please don't….

"_So you'll be all right if I don't come home tonight?"_ he said, his voice a little soft like he was trying not to let anyone hear.

"I'll be fine, Dad," I replied, fighting the awkward feeling of knowing your Dad might be getting it on and you're not supposed to know.

"_It's just easier if I chill here,"_ he said, rationalizing.

"Of course," I agreed, wanting this part of the conversation to be over now.

"_Well, all right then,"_ he replied, clearing his throat again.

"Well, _you_ be safe Dad," I said, and cringed, meaning the fishing in the morning, but knowing it sounded like his same round about way of warning.

"_I'll see you around two, Bells,"_ he replied, the fatherly bit coming through loud and clear. _"Can I expect Edward there when I get home?"_

"We'll see, Dad," I said, exasperated.

"_Night, Bells. Don't stay up too late,"_ he mumbled.

"You too Dad," I teased.

I hung up and shook my head at my dad.

He was pretty cool, but I was sure I'd get interrogated when he got home.

I'd have to be sure the sheets were washed before he got out his crime scene kit.

He'd do it too, just to drive me crazy.

"There you are."

I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice behind me, his eyes going wide at my being startled.

"Sorry," he said quickly, coming to me as I leaned back into the counter in relief.

"I'm just not used to having someone here," I breathed and took his hand when he reached out to touch me.

I closed my eyes and hummed softly when he stepped closer, his arm coming around me loosely.

"I missed you in bed," he whispered softly against my cheek.

He was in only his jeans, his shirt having been stolen by me. I was internally pleased I had done so now that his warm chest pressed against mine, my fingers skirting across his smooth back.

"I figured I better call my Dad before he sent the brute squad over here to check on me," I said and looked up into his cautious eyes.

"Is he on his way home?" he asked and licked at his lips.

I shook my head.

"He'll be home tomorrow," I replied and paused.

Should I ask him to stay the night?

What would Esme think?

"How late can you stay?" I said instead, giving him the choice.

A lazy smile spread across his face and he pulled into me a little tighter, his body flush with mine.

"As long as you like," he murmured and kissed me then, long and slow.

Kissing Edward, with no fear of being interrupted was simply divine.

I sighed and melted into his arms, the counter and his hard body holding me in place while his tongue explored my mouth.

It wasn't until I felt and heard a rumbling against me that we finally drew apart.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, smirking. "We sort of missed the dinner part of the date."

He blushed and looked down between us.

"I liked how it went," he said, still smiling. His stomach rumbled again and I slowly pushed him away.

"I had dinner ready to throw together when you got here," I said and slipped from his grasp towards the refrigerator. "I'd hate for you go hungry."

His eyes darkened and he licked at his lips again.

"I'm always hungry, Bella."

Oh. We weren't talking about food.

_Nice. _

My slightly sore parts decided a little pain was just fine.

"Then let's take care of that," I replied, my voice more throaty than I realized.

He groaned and rubbed at his belly briefly before pushing away from the counter, edging towards me.

"How long will dinner take?" he asked as he closed in. His hands brushed over my shoulders and down my arms, his fingers finally landing on the sides of my legs, tickling the bare skin there.

Those fingertips made me want to push them up under the shirt to find the surprise of no undies.

"Half an hour to heat up," I whispered, knowing that I was already well and truly heated up.

He groaned again and looked down at where his fingers teased.

So close. I could already feel myself tingling.

"We'll have to find something to do in the meantime then," he replied and let out a long breath, taking a measured step back, to give me room to work.

But his eyes burned as I stood there. I had to shake myself to get my body moving. His wicked grin told me he knew just what he did to me. He sauntered over to the table and sat down, pulling the chair out so he could watch me work, his long legs sprawled out casually.

Thank goodness it was ziti I had made. Cooked ahead of time, I just had to throw it in the oven to let it heat up and get the cheese to melt. I worked quickly, tossing it in the oven before it had even warmed up.

When I turned around to face him, his eyes were slitted, eyeing where the shirt ended.

"You're not wearing underwear," he breathed.

I shifted my stance, my thighs clenching.

"Couldn't find them," I replied softly and started towards him, hoping for seduction.

He swallowed and I could tell his breathing had picked up.

"I didn't bring anything," he started and then clenched his eyes closed. "And you're sore."

I watched him as he shifted in his seat, clearly hard again.

Damn he had some great recuperative abilities.

No wonder why he looked like he was hard all the time.

I idly wondered if there was a World Record for hard-ons or how many times a couple could have sex.

It would be the only sport I could get into.

Who cared about saddle soreness?

"Bella," he hissed. "You need to stop looking at me like you want to devour me or I just might want you to."

I lunged for him, practically tipping over the chair he sat in, his strength the only thing keeping us from falling. I kissed him hard, feeling his body stiffen and move under me as he groaned into my mouth, his hands spreading over my back.

He brought out the hungry beast in me.

Just as fast as I had lunged for him, he seemed to propel me back, sprawled across the table with him leaning over me, breathing hard. His eyes were wild as he looked me over, hands sliding down until they traced along my thighs.

"There are so many reasons for us to stop," he breathed.

I couldn't think of a single one.

"Your father warned me to take care of you, not to hurt you," he whispered, one hand slipping between my legs to cup me gently. "You're sore."

I shook my head, words refusing to come out.

He laughed dangerously low and manoeuvred himself in between my legs, spreading them slightly. His hand continued to palm me.

"I didn't bring protection down here," he whispered and leaned closer, his chest pressing into mine as his lips searched along my neck.

My breathing picked up at his touch.

There were other things we could do.

I pressed my foot into his lower back, urging him closer.

Friction. Needed to feel him more.

"And you are so wet for me right now that I'll have to explain that to Esme when she goes to wash these jeans," he growled, pulling away just enough to look down into my eyes.

He pressed his hand against me again, the heel of his palm pushing against my clit.

Moaning, I pushed harder into his hand.

And then it was gone and he wasn't pressing against me anymore.

I opened my eyes in surprise, only to widen them when his lips found the inside of my knee. He was sitting in his chair again, hands sliding down my thighs until he reached my knees, where he wrapped his fingers around gently and pushed them outward.

So that he could see all of me.

Eyes feasting.

I shook with need. A few weeks ago, I might have been embarrassed to be in this position.

Lying on our dinner table, in only a boy's t-shirt that was riding up from the squirming. With said boy in between my knees looking at my goods like they were a gourmet meal.

If I wasn't gushing before, I was most certainly giving him a show now.

"_Beautiful." _

I let out a throaty moan and slipped my feet up on top of his thighs, only to flex my hips when I felt his lips travelling up one thigh.

I was burning for him, wishing he would move faster. Aching.

And then his teeth tasted the meaty part of my inner thigh, making me cry out and lurch at the feeling.

A delicious pinching that went straight to my middle.

I watched as his head looked up gauging my reaction.

Oh boy, do that again.

He seemed to know I enjoyed it, his head dipping down again and I felt his mouth on me again, this time sucking and licking the area he had just bitten. My body relaxed from the shock, only to jump again when he bit me once more, a little higher up.

Leaving me whimpering for him to move higher.

"Do you like that?" he said huskily, sucking on the spot again, his tongue pressed against the mark.

I could only nod furiously and reach for his hair, tugging him closer.

But he was insistent on his attentions, moving to the other leg and repeating his love bites, nipping and then sucking and licking. The sensation was mind-blowing, causing my body to shake and tremble against his hands that held me still for his attention.

So much tactile stimulation was going on so that when I felt his tongue brush against my sex, I cried out and thrust hard against him.

_Too much. _

How could the simple act of biting make me so incredibly horny and needy?

Is this what kinky was?

_Fuck yeah, more please!_

"God, more Edward," I whimpered, not caring how much it sounded like begging.

Because his mouth was on me, staking a claim on me.

Firm lips enveloping.

Tongue exploring, twirling. Flattening and then stroking.

Hands at my thighs, moving to hold onto my hips.

Holding me tight to keep me still.

And then the teeth again.

I shattered into a million pieces when he took my clit between his teeth, careful not to bite too hard.

Who cares?

I was flying.

Crying.

Shaking.

Hard to breathe.

Panting.

And then I felt his body along mine again, lips travelling up my throat, hands moving to my head, cradling. My eyes fluttered open to find him grinning down at me, licking at his lips like he had enjoyed his first course.

Damn that was hot.

I hoped I paired up well with baked ziti.

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss my softly on the forehead. I was weak and spent, happy to simply lay there where Charlie and I had eaten dinner night after night over the years.

The visual would be a little different now of course.

I couldn't hold back the giggle as it bubbled out of my throat.

"What?" he asked, grinning down at me.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, laughing a little harder.

"I'll never be able to sit here with Charlie and not blush, ever again!" I wheezed.

He slid from me to sit back down in the chair, hand brushing through his hair, as if embarrassed. I sat up and touched him softly along the jaw, smiling down at him.

"I liked it, Edward," I whispered, enjoying his timid smile. "I'll like thinking about it every night I sit here."

He ducked his head, but I could see his was smiling. When he looked up again, there was something a little darker playing in his eyes.

"You really liked it? What I did?"

He was getting me worked up again, just by simply asking.

I nodded, sliding forward towards him before I leaned a bit to kiss him.

"I really, _really_ liked it," I mumbled against his lips.

His arms slid around my waist and the two of us remained there for some time until the smell of cooking pasta drew him away again, stomach rumbling.

"I should go clean up and call my mom," he said, all smiles. "You really want me to stay?"

I rolled my eyes at him and stood up, hands on hips.

"Yes, Edward Cullen. I want you to stay," I said, all sass. "I still have my turn to do."

His eyes widened, the shy smile spitting open in a full grin before he stood with me and kissed me again with more vigor. The oven timer pinged, alerting us that dinner was ready.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled and disappeared up stairs.

I busied myself with pulling the baking dish out of the oven. I was reaching for bowls when I felt hands wrap around me once more, Edward's mouth taking the shell of my ear gently.

"You know when you reach up like that, I can see your beautiful ass?" he whispered, sending new thrills through me. Just to prove his point, he slid one hand down and pinched my bared ass. I yelped and giggled against him.

He chuckled and reached up to grab a soup bowl, nudging me gently to let me know he was still pent up.

"Let's share and eat up quick. I want to take you back to bed while we still can," he said softly and when I turned to look up at him, his eyes were dark again.

Dark and playful.

I had a feeling we were going to be playful all the time.

He was insatiable.

And I was just as needy for him.

He let me go to spoon in a large portion into our bowl. He grabbed a couple of waters from the fridge and settled back down at the table, tracing his fingers over where I had lain.

Oh. Wow. I'd have to clean that before Charlie got home.

Eww.

I mean, it wasn't like I had… you know… marked it. But my ass had been sliding all over that table.

Gross.

Edward's hungry smile pushed that thought out of my head instantly. I grabbed a fork and made my way over to him, throwing one leg over him before a thought came to me. He watched me quizzically as I stepped into the mudroom, returning with a hand towel, which I threw over his lap. I grabbed the bowl again and surprised him when I sat down, straddling his lap so that we faced one another comfortably.

He looked down at the towel and chuckled, hands sliding back up my body until they wrapped around me, holding me as I leaned back, getting comfortable.

I skewered a couple noodles and pulled them out of the bowl, blowing softly before offering it to him. His eyes crinkled in amusement before he opened his mouth, allowing me to place the food in it. His eyes closed and he hummed in appreciation as he ate, holding me a little closer while I took a bite for myself. We managed to empty the bowl quickly, alternating between feeding him and taking a bite myself, Edward sneaking in kisses every few bites.

When we were done, he plucked the bowl from my hands and stood up, holding me easily in his arms.

"Bed time," he growled and carried me back up the stairs, my giggling bouncing off the walls until he plopped me onto the bed, staring down at me.

Still hungry.

Time for the third course?

He continued to eye me from the side of the bed, my body warming at his appreciative stare.

Did he have any idea what he did to me?

I mean, the obvious was easy to see. But did he understand just how much my soul needed him?

So deeply, I felt him becoming so much a part of me.

"I need you," I whispered, feeling overwhelmed at the feeling in my stomach.

So much love for him. So much I needed him to know I really and truly loved him.

We had said the words. I saw it in his eyes that he loved me.

But I wanted him to understand.

This was so much more to me than just sex and caring for a guy.

He slowly stripped down, his nakedness before me cementing my feelings for him.

He was perfect.

And he stood there unashamedly as I stared.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered in awe and rose up on my knees so that I could touch him.

He let out a slow relaxed breath when my fingers touched his chest. I had traced his flesh before, but this time it meant more.

He was mine. And I was his. All the crap from our lives was left at the door.

It was just he and I.

And I wanted to show him.

"Come lay with me," I whispered, taking his hand to pull him down. He climbed into bed easily, allowing my hands to move across him once more, his own fingers playing with my hair, easing it out of the holder I had thrown it up in.

"I want to show you," I whispered softly, his eyes sliding up to find mine when I spoke.

"Show me what?" he asked.

"How much I love you."

His smile brightened and he shook his head, bashful again.

"I know how much you love me, Bella," he whispered and leaned in to kiss me. "I've never met anyone who loves me like you do."

I eased him back onto his back, straddling him while I kissed him deeply. He groaned and adjusted under me, nothing between us but the briefest bit of air before I pressed against him, enjoying the heat of him against the warmth of me.

"Bella," he groaned and shook his head, moving against me once before breaking off the kiss. "Condom, baby. I won't last like this if you keep doing that."

I grabbed a packet, opening it up as before I sat back to take in his perfection once more.

Hard and ready, how he thought he hid it those days in his jeans, I'd never know.

But it wasn't hiding now. It was there, waiting for me.

I licked my lips and slowly covered him, watching his eyes close at the feeling of my hand on him, even with the condom on.

"You feel so good there," he breathed.

I stroked him slowly, working him up until he was panting and opening his eyes to plead with me. I adjusted again, rising up and over him before I settled down again, my hand guiding him to where we both wanted. Stinging as he entered me again, but I closed my eyes and simply took in the sounds of his harsh breath, and the hammering heart in my head.

He fit so perfectly.

I paused when he was deeply nestled inside of me, enjoying the burn. Enjoying how he filled me. Completely. He groaned and his hips turned upward, silently begging me to move. Sitting up, I slowly pulled off his shirt, revealing the rest of me for his watchful gaze.

And then I moved.

Just a simple slow rocking of the hips. Knees spread wide on either side of his hips, hands on his chest. He looked up at me as if in reverence, his mouth slightly open as he fought to breathe. I rotated my hips when he was deep inside of me and we both groaned.

Slowly I grew more comfortable with this new position. I liked having this little bit of control.

Rocking.

Rotating.

Groaning and saying his name softly into the darkened room, my shadow dancing on the wall from the side lamp. His hands moved to my hips, holding me a little harder as his hips joined in, pushing a little faster, urging me on.

"This doesn't hurt, does it?" he said, his voice strained.

I hummed shaking my head and I leaned back a little, letting his thrusts move up into me for a time, sighing when I felt one hand slid up to cup my breast.

And then his arms were wrapped around me, his mouth on my breast as he sucked and kissed while I moved, our bodies tightly held by one another everywhere. His breath came a little harder, his mouth finding mine to nip and suck, hands pulling me down over him so that his hips could take over, quickening the pace as we both drew close.

"So close," he hissed and grabbed at my ass when his hips started to push harder, threatening to push me into the headboard. I could hear it hitting the wall, a quick rhythm that knocked and banged about in an ever-increasing beat.

I held onto the headboard, my body covering his as he pushed harder and harder, calling out my name over and over with each thrust.

My climax came when he pushed me down hard and jerked inside me, his voice garbled as he let go.

I lay on top of him, spent and happy, listening to his heart as it slowed from the calamitous thundering it had achieved from making love. I smiled and rubbed my cheek against his hair over his heart, happy to know that I did that for him.

He hummed contentedly beneath me and let his hands rest over my ass, his fingertips tickling right where my rump and my thigh met.

"I love your ass," he said, chuckling. "One day I hope you're bad so I can spank it."

My head shot up to look down at him in shock, his own eyes growing wide at his post coital-induced admission. He opened his mouth to speak, but I placed my finger over his lips, quieting him. Looking at his face, I could tell he was suddenly apprehensive.

He was afraid of what I would think.

_You wouldn't like what I want_, he had said once.

"Is that what you're afraid to tell me?" I asked softly gazing into his eyes. "The things you want to do, but think I won't like?"

He swallowed and closed his eyes, his body stiffening under mine in quite a different way.

Why did he have to feel like his wants were bad?

I hated that they had done this to him.

I knew other people liked those kinds of things. Normal couples got up into some kinkier stuff. It was normal.

"I want you to," I whispered, his eyes shooting open again, this time his shocked.

He remained quiet for a time, his eyes becoming more wary as I lay there over him. He was still nestled inside me just barely, our connection still tangible.

"I need to clean up," he croaked and gently extricated me from his body, laying me on the bed as he made a quick exit to the bathroom.

_Well shit. _

I sat there, naked in my bedroom, my skin starting to cool in the sex scented room. I put my head in my hands and slumped sideways, hating that we had somehow ruined that special moment.

Let the world in for just a second.

That stupid, judgemental world that had no business interfering.

"You wouldn't like it."

I peeked through my fingers to find Edward standing by the door, his profile framed by the light from the hallway.

"What wouldn't I like?" I asked, watching him as he slowly made his way towards me, a towel in his hands.

He looked down at the floor and sat rigid on the side of the bed, his body in profile.

"The things I did. What I like. I don't know if I even want to do them anymore. But sometimes, I think about those things with you. I picture doing them with you," he whispered.

I shuffled closer to him, my hand finding his arm as it sat tense over his thigh.

"We're just learning each other, Edward. And so far I enjoy everything we do," I said, looking up at his clenched jaw. "You don't know I won't like it unless you ask. Unless we try it."

He grunted and glanced at me sideways.

"And you'd like me to spank you?" he asked, a little incredulous.

I turned my face so that I could see him better and shrugged.

"Depending on the context, maybe," I said, my body clenching a bit at the idea of his hand smacking me in the heat of some good and rough sex.

I had an imagination too.

He eyed me doubtfully for a moment and cleared his throat.

"You bit me earlier, and I liked it," he confessed. "Which is why I tried on you. But other things are more intense, I don't know if I you'd like it. You're too strong for some things. And too delicate for others."

"You haven't asked me," I argued gently and pulled on his arm, drawing his attention back to me.

It didn't make me happy that he thought I was too delicate.

I was not a piece of china.

And what made _her _more durable than _me_?

"Edward, we have a different relationship than what you had before. I don't know what this felt like for you, but for me it was incredible. We are different than that. It's more."

He blushed and nodded.

"I don't like comparing you to her," he mumbled.

Well, good. I didn't want to be compared to her.

"But there are things I liked."

I reached up and hooked my hand around his neck, pulling him down to me in a searching kiss. When he finally broke away, I gazed up into his conflicted eyes and shook my head.

"So we'll see, Edward. I love you, and everything about you," I said and kissed him again. "We can make our own way. You just have to show me. Tell me."

He shifted along side of me and pulled me close, so that my head fell easily against his shoulder, a comfortable nuzzling embrace as we lay there. He was quiet for sometime, thinking I was sure.

Would he tell me?

Or would he let it fester in his brain.

Maybe he needed to talk with Alice about it.

Maybe he had already and she had told him it was not a good idea.

"I don't want you to be my sub," he whispered in the dark, his voice a little fragile.

I waited for him to continue, feeling he was gearing up to say more.

"But I don't want to be submissive either."

I turned my head so it rested on my hand over his chest and looked up at his cautious eyes once more.

"Who says we have to be that way?" I asked. " I think partners are supposed to compliment one another. Sometimes you lead, sometimes I do."

I had no idea, really. I was going to have to research his old lifestyle. I hadn't yet because I had no idea whether it was something he wanted.

"I don't know," he confessed. "Maybe it's just a matter of trial and error."

I smiled tenderly up at him, his body relaxing some under mine.

"Our own little experiment?" I teased gently.

His smile crept across his face and he laughed.

"Yeah, maybe. It is Biology after all," he said and then his eyes widened and he looked around the room, searching for something. "Where's Junior?"

I smiled and pointed at the box on my dresser.

"Fast asleep," I said simply. He looked over at the box and shook his head.

"Probably heard the whole thing," he grunted.

I rolled my eyes again.

What was it with the guys? Inanimate objects didn't care!

"I'm sure FC didn't hear a thing," I said.

He raised his eyebrow at me and smirked.

"Not being able to see, his other senses are more heightened, you know," he said.

"I have heard that. I'd like to experiment with that sometime," I offered, seeing his eyes darken a little. "Is blindfolding one of the things you'd like to try?"

He swallowed and nodded.

"You don't know how excited I got that day I covered your eyes," he breathed.

I thought about that day, how he had not only covered my eyes, but trapped my hands too. I looked back up into his dark eyes and took a deep breath.

"I want you to tie me up once. I want to see what that's like," I whispered.

The energy in his eyes changed, becoming darker and more needy as I felt his breathing change.

"I want to do that to you, so badly," he replied huskily.

He pulled me back into my spot on his shoulder, his breath struggling to calm once more.

"We should get some sleep," he whispered. "Talking about this is only going to make me want you again and I don't want you too worked over to say no tomorrow."

"You have plans for us tomorrow?" I asked, smiling against his chest.

"Mom said tonight that she's going to Port Angeles tomorrow. I want to take you to my house. We'll be alone there," he said, and I could hear the desire in his voice. "And maybe we can try something."

"I'd like that," I sighed and felt the excitement rush through me, even though I was tired.

He held me a little closer and was quiet for a while, his hand stroking through my hair in a hypnotic rhythm. Just as my eyes started to flutter closed, I heard him sigh.

"Thank you for letting me stay," he whispered. "I've never felt more at ease than I do now with you in my arms."

"I wish you could stay like this every night," I mumbled, relaxed and content in his warmth, my body growing heavy.

"I'm glad you moved here, Bella."

"I'm glad you walked me to Biology."

"I'm glad you sat next to me."

"I'm glad you groped me in the library."

"What?"

I giggled at the shock in his voice.

"Wait. You liked me then? I practically molested you?"

I squeezed him a little harder.

"Yeah, and if you hadn't run, we could have been doing this weeks earlier," I teased.

I felt his arms tighten around me again.

"No, this was better," he murmured and I felt him kiss my head. "I needed to figure myself out a little."

I squeezed him back, smiling in the dark.

"We're here now. I won't let anyone screw that up," I whispered, a promise I intended on keeping.

"Me too," he replied in the dark. "No one is going to mess this up."

We lay there in the darkness, my eyes growing heavier in the silence.

But as I drifted off, my mind continued to dwell on just that.

At some point, I knew someone would try to come between us.

Dr. Cullen wasn't going to sit back and let us happen without a fight.

He just didn't know that I was more than ready to fight.

For Edward.

For us.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Wow, long long long. **

**But hopefully this will make up for my lack of updates this week. I promise to pick up again to something a little more regular, just as soon as this mother of all shows is open. Bear with me, I probably won't get another update out for a few days. **

**Thanks for hanging in there! **

**More soon! **

**Maybe of the kinky variety! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	53. Chapter 53

**Hello my dears! So sorry to keep you waiting. Long week and for the first time in 3 years I hit a slump in writing . The horror! I blame work and lack of sleep. **

**Glad to be back! **

**Hoping for more frequent updates this week. **

**So… the morning after!**

**Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 53: No different.**

**EPOV**

I never felt so complete.

Perhaps it was the warm body tucked against me.

_Naked. _

Bella Swan was asleep beside me, nestled into me like it was the most natural thing to do.

Perhaps it was. She fit so well there in the curve of my body.

At some point in the night we had changed positions. I don't remember waking to move, but somehow, an instinctual sense perhaps, we had moved to our sides and she lay gently tucked in against me.

Naked.

Warm.

Beautiful.

My arm was draped easily over her waist, her hand gently covering mine as if to say, don't move.

I wouldn't dream of it.

I liked being here with her. And as the opportunities would be few and far between, I took advantage of it. So I lay there, tired but contented and watched her sleep. It was late, her clock read after four. I had no idea when we had finally fallen asleep, but the bit of rest I did get seemed so much more refreshing than having slept alone.

Having her there with me was like having been healed.

I felt at peace.

I felt at ease.

I felt good.

I also felt horny as hell, but it was a different feeling than how I usually found myself at waking.

Instead of an empty ache, this was more tangible. More alive.

It could have been the fact that her incredible ass was keeping my cock warm.

Could have been.

But it was more than that.

Bella had trusted me last night. Shared with me something that was not easily given up.

We had made love.

A few times.

I grinned against her shoulder and let my lips brush the soft skin there.

Bella had taken me into her body, and told me she loved me. Not just in her words but in how she touched me, how she looked at me as I made love to her. She accepted me for who I was, and what I desired.

Thoughts entered my mind over the conversation just before falling asleep.

Swallowing tightly I wondered if she really meant what she said.

She'd like some of what I wanted.

Spanking. Bondage. Sensory deprivation.

I was already needy for her, but thoughts of doing those things to her as a willing partner just made me more excited.

I had to behave.

She had to be sore.

Regardless of what she said, I had felt the bit of tension in her body the last time I entered her.

And she'd be sure to be very tender today.

I'd have to adjust some of what we did when we went over to my house.

And I wasn't the type that was into pain.

I never wanted to hurt Bella.

Pleasure her. Oh yes.

I had all manner of ideas for that.

Which didn't help my raging hard on as it pressed against her ass.

So soft and warm. I adjusted against her, feeling her sweet ass push against me slightly, inviting. I took a deep breath and pulled away slightly, missing the pressure immediately.

She really would be the death of me eventually.

How would I be able to keep from molesting her every waking moment now?

Now that she had shared herself with me, and told me she wants to try other things.

Bella was so much more than I could ever have anticipated.

Would she be open to trying things?

What could I do with her today?

I nuzzled against her shoulder, pressing soft kisses between her shoulder blades. She hummed and stirred against me, pressing back once more. There was no getting away from her.

She had me, completely.

I held her close and relaxed behind her, the desire to grind into her strong. But I reined myself in, instead thinking about when I'd have to leave.

I had promised Esme I'd be home before dawn.

How she agreed to it, I didn't know. She had sounded distracted.

Understandable.

I had heard some of the arguments over the phone.

Carlisle seemed to be putting up a fight in regards to us. Or the house.

Whatever.

I closed my eyes and tried to push thoughts of my fucked up father out of my head.

If he had never done those things, would I be the way I was?

Would Tanya have ever seduced me?

Would I have ever made it to Forks?

Met Bella?

It was a sobering thought.

I had met Bella because of my parents fucked up lives.

Regardless of my wishes to have never experienced what I had with Tanya, they were the reason I was here now, in Bella's bed.

My life was weird.

Fucked up. And weird.

And still Bella loved me.

I didn't want to lose that because of my parents' issues. Or mine.

Perhaps going to my house was not a good idea.

Bella stirred against me and made a soft noise in her throat.

I smirked and listened, enjoying the sound. Not quite a growl, or a moan. But it vibrated through her and into me.

Doing things to me, of course.

The noise came again and this time words.

"Arrghhh, don't touch. Mine."

I frowned and listened a little harder.

What was she dreaming about?

"Not yours. Leave….him alone."

Another growl.

"Spank you if you do."

What the hell was she dreaming about?

She tensed against me, her body rigid and hotter than it had been a few minutes ago.

"Mine. Fight you. Not afraid."

I pulled her a little closer and brought my lips to her shoulder again to calm her. Whatever her dream was, it was starting to get her worked up. My lips travelled slowly along her skin, my voice whispering her name softly until I felt her body slowly relax and her breath come out in a long sigh.

Her eyes fluttered open, and I smiled down at her.

"Hey," I whispered.

Her eyes widened briefly and then a tiny smile floated across her face.

"It wasn't a dream," she replied, her voice rough from sleep.

"What wasn't?" I asked, unsure of what she meant.

She had just been dreaming.

She sighed again and slowly turned in my arms, so that she was lying on her back but facing me. It was a testament to my will power that I didn't ogle her.

Even though I wanted to.

Her tits last night were just a memory, and I wanted to memorize their beauty in a more unhurried fashion.

She grinned up at me and let her fingers play in my hair.

"I was afraid I had dreamt about last night," she said, her face falling slightly as if in thought.

"Last night wasn't a dream, no," I said and leaned down to kiss her along the cheek.

"I was dreaming though," she said and her frown deepened.

"About what?" I asked and pulled away to watch her.

Her eyes drifted past me for a moment before she seemed to rein in her fears from whatever she had dreamt.

"I dreamt about having a fight with your dad," she mumbled and glanced back at me nervously.

My eyes widened at the thought of her worrying herself over him.

How strange that she and I seemed to be on the same wavelength all the time.

"He can't hurt you," I said soothingly.

She frowned again and shook her head.

"He wasn't trying to hurt me," she said and touched my cheek. "He was trying to hurt you."

"He can't do that either, not anymore," I replied and leaned down to kiss her.

She kissed me quick and then pulled away, covering her mouth.

"I can't. I have morning breath," she explained and I could just make out a blush on her face in the predawn light.

I smirked at her and buried my nose in her neck, kissing her along her throat.

"That doesn't matter to me, Bella," I sighed when I tucked in close to her ear.

She giggled and squirmed against me, making me groan at the temptation of her body writhing under mine.

I needed to behave.

God I didn't want to.

She hummed and arched into my hands before I realized they were exploring, cupping her breasts greedily.

"I want you," she breathed and slid her leg up along my hip.

I adjusted on instinct, feeling her heat pressing against me.

So close.

Just a push.

"I want to do so much," I groaned and moved against her, feeling her slide against me.

Her gasp was an alarm to both of us as my cock pushed against her opening.

I pulled away from her, heady from lust but mindful of the pain I could see pass over her face before she masked it with her lusty stare.

"I'm okay, really," she whispered, pleading almost.

Letting out a long breath I slipped from between her legs and lay beside her, my hands tracing lightly over her skin. She was so very tempting. But I never wanted to make her feel any pain.

"I need to get home before Esme grounds me for life," I whispered, and leaned in to kiss her against her temple to ease the rejection.

She pouted up at me and I could feel her leg sliding against mine again.

"Just stay a little longer," she pleaded gently.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

I wanted to stay forever.

"If I stay, your father will find us, because I won't want to leave," I teased and dipped my head down to kiss the swell of her breast.

She was so distracting. My lips lingered and trailed until her pert nipple was in my mouth. She groaned and pulled me tighter to her, hands tight in my hair. I could feel myself hardening again against her thigh. I knew I should leave, give her a chance to rest, but my body wanted so much more.

And so did hers.

I groaned and pulled away reluctantly, closing my eyes to her begging eyes beneath me.

"I really should leave," I groaned and pulled farther from her warm body.

"You're gonna leave me hanging?" she said, pouting at me when I looked back down at her.

"Consider it anticipation for this afternoon," I said and kissed her again before sitting up.

She sat up with me and wrapped her arms around me so that her breasts pressed against my back.

So distracting.

"What are we going to do today?" she whispered against my neck.

I felt myself harden more at her breathy question.

"You'll see," I said, keeping it vague.

I didn't know exactly what we'd do.

Too many options.

"Will you tie me up? Or spank me? Or maybe you can…"

I startled her when I turned and pushed her down on the bed, reaching for her hands so that I pinned them up over her head.

"Bella, you can't ask those things without making me want to do them to you now," I growled and pushed against her. Her eyes widened in eager anticipation.

The thrill of having her there captured beneath me was almost too much. I could feel every inch of her pressing into me. Just one move and I'd be inside.

Her fast breath against my cheek was intoxicating.

Just a push.

Her body moved against me, asking.

My body responded, pressing.

"Fuck," I groaned, thinking about the damn condom I'd need.

But my hands were busy holding her.

I pulled away again and slipped out of the bed, leaving her panting.

It was quite a sight.

Her hands still above her head in submission, her long body laid out for me, flushed in the growing light.

Esme was going to be upset.

I shook my head to clear it and reached for my jeans, shoving them on quickly before I changed my mind.

"I really need to leave," I said, hearing the regret in my voice. "I'll text you when Esme leaves?"

Bella sighed and curled up to watch me as I dressed, her eyes still lusty.

"Fine," she pouted. "What should I bring over?"

I grinned and shook my head.

"Just yourself. I'll leave the rest for a surprise," I replied. "You should take a bath. It'll help with any soreness."

She smirked and slowly rose, and as soon as her feet reached the floor, I was sure I saw her wince slightly. But she kept it to herself if she was sore.

I stepped closer to her and traced my fingers down her cheek, across her shoulder, down the long length of her arm, making her shiver.

"Last night was the best night of my life," I murmured, looking down into her breathtaking eyes.

So dark and deep and full of love.

"Me too," she whispered and tip toed to kiss me, morning breath be damned. When she pulled away, she was grinning.

I loved making her feel so happy.

"I'll text you in a few hours," I said and took a step back.

She was so difficult to say goodbye to.

It seemed we kissed and held one another at every chance.

Top of the stairs, bottom of the stairs, at the front door.

"I love you," I murmured against her lips, feeling her draw me close at my words.

"I love hearing you say that," she breathed.

"I really need to leave."

"I'm only letting you go so you can get ready for today," she teased and kissed me again, mumbling her I love you into my ear as she sought my neck.

I was losing my fight at restraint, wanting to pull her back inside and fuck her against the door every time her teeth grazed my neck.

Later. In my house. Against my door.

God I hope she wasn't sore.

"Rest up," I groaned and pulled away finally, looking down into her wicked eyes. "You'll need all the energy you can muster when you come over."

Even now she was flushed and ready.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say she wanted it more than me.

And that was even more exciting.

I glanced back towards the door to see her watching me, in only a t-shirt.

My t-shirt.

She closed the door as I pulled away, and I couldn't help but smile at the idea of her slipping into a bath.

As much as I hated making her sore from having sex, it made me a little proud that I could do that too.

I was her first.

She was mine.

And she was like-minded on so many things.

I'd have to prepare a lot.

Improvise on some things. I didn't have a stash of tools, really.

But I could come up with a few things.

Absolutely.

So many choices.

My mind was a little distracted on all the things I wanted with her.

I was so distracted I was slow to notice the car outside the house as I pulled up.

I had blocked him out.

But as my mind cleared from Bella's distraction, panic set in at the sight of the black Mercedes parked at the end of the turnabout.

What the hell was Carlisle doing here?

At the break of dawn?

_Oh shit. _

Why had Esme let him in?

I fought down the bile in my throat and leapt from my car, rushing into the house in fear that Esme might be hurt.

Or worse.

Taking Carlisle back.

I stumbled to a halt when I found them both in the living room.

Esme looked contrite.

Carlisle looked forbidding.

"Out late, Edward?" he asked, his voice so much like it had been in those sessions.

Judging.

"Sorry I'm late, Mom," I said, ignoring him. "Why is he here?"

She seemed to soften her gaze when I spoke to her, her eyes glancing briefly at Carlisle before returning to mine.

"Carlisle needed a few things, and then we got to talking. I didn't realize how late it was until I heard you come in," she said.

I could see the worry in her eyes, the hesitation in her body as she slowly stood and moved towards me.

"Thank you for talking with me, Carlisle," she continued. "I'll think about what you said. But now that Edward is home, I think you should leave."

He stood easily, a wan smile on his face as he regarded us. He made to leave, pausing when he reached the door.

"I'll see you next week, Esme. Good luck at the attorney today," he said, his voice laced with something I couldn't put my finger on.

Was he taunting Esme?

Attorney?

And then he looked at me, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Edward. Good to see you, son. You look… well."

And then he was gone, leaving an unpleasant feeling behind in his wake.

"Mom?" I asked quietly, confused by the interchange.

She shook her head and wrapped her arm around me, as if needing some comfort.

"Don't worry about him. I'm just glad you're home," she said and then pursed her lips at me. "You were out too late, young man."

"Sorry, Mom," I mumbled.

It wouldn't help if I had said Bella was completely distracting.

"Well," she continued. "As long as you were respectful. And safe."

"Mom," I whined.

A hint of a smile crossed her lips before it dipped back into her frown.

"Will you be all right with me leaving for the day? I don't think he'll be back," she said.

Suddenly the day felt a little heavier.

What if he did come back?

And found me with Bella?

What if he…

"I'll be fine," I said, assuring her as well as trying to do the same for me.

He didn't control me anymore. He wasn't going to ruin this day.

"Well, go get some rest. I'll let you know when I leave," she said and patted me on the shoulder before stepping away towards the kitchen.

"Mom?" I called out just as she reached the door.

She turned back at me askance.

"Why are you seeing an attorney?" I asked, suddenly nervous for her.

She smiled sadly and shook her head.

"I'm just going to talk, sweetie. Carlisle wants us back. I don't think that's possible anymore. I need to prepare for that," she said.

I nodded and watched her disappear behind the door, my mood suddenly a mixture of disconcerting emotions.

Happy still from my night with Bella.

Shaken by Carlisle and his accusing stare.

Heavy hearted at the pain I saw in Esme's eyes.

And a little relieved at the idea that she was finally taking steps to change her own life, if not ours in the process.

But as I stepped into the shower to wash away the night, a nagging feeling wrapped around me and held on tight.

What did he want her to think about?

Why was he here overnight?

Had they? I couldn't think on that.

What had he come to get?

And why did I think he was not finished with fucking up my life?

I couldn't sleep, the worry making my mind spin and twist at all different scenarios that ended with me somehow to blame.

Every time I saw him, he seemed to provoke feelings of guilt in me.

When he shouldn't.

He didn't control my life.

But wasn't it that exactly?

He wanted control.

He thrived on it.

That was what he got off on.

I shuddered at the thoughts that suddenly filtered into my head.

He had controlled his subs. Made them beg. Made them do what he wanted. I knew, I had felt that with Tanya who had learned from Carlisle. I had craved that one chance at controlling her.

Wasn't that what I had wanted to do to Bella today?

Control her?

I clenched my eyes shut and buried myself into my blankets, fearful of the sudden epiphany I had discovered about myself.

I hadn't changed.

I wasn't healed or even normal.

I was just like Carlisle.

How did I think that would be good for Bella?

Even though she said she wanted it. Didn't every sub want some measure of control?

I swallowed down the pain I felt at every thought I had had of her strapped to my bed and begging.

She didn't deserve that.

I didn't want to control her that way. Not in the way Carlisle had.

She was so much more than that. But the images made me want it.

Crave it.

In that sick and twisted way I had wanted it all along.

Since the beginning.

Fuck, I was no different than Carlisle.

No different.

"I'm leaving, sweetheart."

I heard Esme at the door and I nodded in my covers, mumbling a goodbye.

I didn't want her to see me.

See me for who I was.

No different.

Like father like son.

I couldn't do that to Bella. I couldn't be like him.

I never wanted to hurt her.

But it seemed no matter what I wanted, it would hurt her regardless.

It's what I was.

No different.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: okay… do you honestly think Bella would allow him to push her away? A few of you have mentioned a fear of New Moon-itis… there'll be no blank pages here… Bella knows what she wants… And like Charlie has said to Edward- she is determined to get what she wants. **

**More soon. I pray faster than they have been.**

**Love to you all for reading and reviewing!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	54. Chapter 54

**Sigh… let's see how Bella responds to Edward's self doubt. **

**Wild Horses- The Sundays **

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 54: And waited. **

**BPOV**

Dear god I was sore!

Like Jillian Michaels workout session sore!

Taking the stairs back up to the bathroom was like climbing a sheer cliff or Mount Everest.

My thighs were sore, my calves, my ass.

Hell even my toes hurt.

Why did my toes hurt?

Maybe from the toe curling orgasms?

Right.

_So very worth it. _

I smiled into the mirror at my flushed face, even at the messed up hair flying around my head.

I looked good and properly fucked.

Not fucked.

_Made love to. _

My grin grew at the idea of loving Edward Cullen. No longer Creepy Hot Guy.

He was _my _Edward.

The man I loved.

I felt a little foolish sighing into the counter of the bathroom, but he did that to me. I could understand now some of those ridiculous moments on TV when a woman would swoon.

I was swooning.

Sore and swooning like a real girlfriend to an amazing lover.

I played back some of the evening prior in my head as I started the bath.

His eyes on me as he first entered me, so mindful of not hurting me. The way his mouth opened up and his eyes fluttered closed at the amazing feeling of us united.

His pursed lips as he moved more quickly.

The concentration he had to keep going.

The muscles of his arms flexing as he held himself above me, taut and rippling with each thrust.

The dark eyes as he watched me let go.

The growl deep in his throat as he struggled to hold on for just a few more seconds.

The nearly pained look on his face when he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes as he came.

The thought of clenching made me wince at my sore muscles, reminding me to get in the bath so I could relax and get ready for when he called. I was a little nervous about what we would do when I got there.

I mean I was excited to try new things.

I wanted to do everything with Edward.

But he was more experienced.

I was willing, but I didn't want to disappoint him.

I wanted to be spectacular for him.

I relaxed in the bath and thought about what I could do to make it better for him today, since he had made my night the best ever.

But where did a girl with little experience and a vivid imagination go?

Not something you really read up on at the library.

I could get on the internet, but that left a trail that Charlie could trace. Before I had a boyfriend, it was plausible. Not anymore. I didn't doubt that Charlie would be tracking what I researched online now.

So what did I do to be better than I was?

My mind drifted as the water loosened up my muscles and eased the ache, but a different ache found its way into my body.

One I knew would not be sated until I showed Edward I wanted to do anything he did.

Even if I didn't know how.

How hard was it to tie a person up?

Or tease?

He had done that a little already, the last time I was there.

So maybe I could do this.

I just had to be confident and open to ideas.

Oh, I was open to all sorts of ideas.

I dried off and thought about what I'd wear to make this experience more alluring for the both of us.

I wasn't a sex bra or stockings kind of girl. I owned one decent skirt, and it was too cold to wear.

So what did I wear then?

Something I could get out of fast?

Something that ripped away easily?

Something that showed off my body?

In the end I chose simple. I really needed to get out and go shopping. With whom I didn't know. But I needed some improvements in my wardrobe.

Not that I planned on staying in my clothes for long, but it was the whole package, right?

I looked at myself in the mirror and nodded at the tight jeans and top I had worn when I first met Edward. It was worn and you could see my black bra underneath.

Good enough.

All I had to do was wait for his call.

_Wait. _

Watching the phone like it was a lifeline.

_Waiting. _

Distracting myself with Flour Child's journal.

We were supposed to do a practical experiment on what it must be like for him to be blind.

Grinning at the thought that we could kill two birds with one stone simply by blindfolding me.

Or Edward.

Why did the idea of blindfolding Edward turn me on so much?

Waiting.

I hated waiting.

And I wasn't about to start cleaning and get sweaty or dirty before heading out.

Maybe just a load of laundry.

Sheets. Underwear.

Whoa, Edward left his t-shirt _and_ his boxers here.

He had left the house commando.

_Nice. _

And… waiting again.

It was almost noon when I decided to call him.

I wasn't impatient. No.

No answer.

Straight to voicemail.

Huh.

Texting.

No answer.

Maybe he was asleep?

I was a little tired too. I should have taken a nap.

But as noon came and went, I started to get worried.

Surely Esme was gone by now.

Did he get grounded?

Maybe she didn't leave.

But wouldn't he call me to tell me?

Something was going on.

Maybe Esme didn't approve of him spending the night after all and lectured him?

And knowing Edward, it meant he was beating himself up over it.

Maybe he finally woke up and realized I wasn't worth it?

No. He wouldn't do that.

I had seen his eyes the night before.

That wasn't a one-night hook up.

It wasn't.

I think.

Not that I had much experience with that sort of thing.

Something was up.

And if he wasn't going to call…

It seemed to be my thing.

Call me a stalker.

I don't care.

I needed answers.

I left Charlie a note.

I grabbed my coat and a scarf as soon as I opened the door to see the falling Forks rain.

Nothing was going to stop me.

This seemed to be our thing.

Edward would hide, I would hunt him down and set things straight.

I was not a stalker. Nor obsessed.

I just expected answers.

I forced any insecurity that lingered deep into my subconscious and drove carefully to the Cullens.

The rain had picked up and now the wind was pummelling the truck.

Not the best weather to travel in.

But I didn't care.

He would have called if something weren't preventing him.

I grew more worrisome when I noticed his Volvo was the only car in the garage.

So Esme had left.

Where was Emmett?

And more importantly, why wasn't Edward answering his phone?

Maybe he slipped in the shower.

_Oh dear god no._

I couldn't think like that.

Maybe it was just charging and it was off.

I ran up to the door and rang the doorbell.

And waited.

I frowned and rang it again, feeling the rain seep into my clothes as the wind blew around me.

And rang again. A few times. I knew it had to be annoying.

And waited.

Scowling, I did the creepy thing and tried to peek in the window beside the door. Inside it was still and dark.

I walked around the house, trying my best to stay on something that wasn't mud and looked up to where I thought Edward's window was. It was hard to tell with a house full of glass. Everything was dark.

Maybe he went with Esme?

But why didn't he call?

"Edward!" I called out, knowing the rain and wind probably drowned out my voice.

"Edward!"

I turned back to the front of the house, intent on ringing the bell again. Maybe until I broke the damn thing.

I slid near the door, landing hard on my ass in the muddy yard, cursing loudly.

"Bella!"

I looked up to see Edward rushing out of the front door in just a pair of sweatpants. The vision alone should have satisfied me. Beautiful chest, his hair getting wet in the downpour.

But I was mad, damn it.

"Bella, are you hurt?" he asked and his face looked so pained that my anger vanished.

"What happened?" I asked as he helped me up.

His eyebrows were tightly knit together and he busied himself with brushing me off rather than looking into my eyes.

"You shouldn't be out in this storm," he said and pulled me towards the house.

"Is that why you didn't call?" I asked and stopped before going inside.

He was shivering in the cold, but I was covered in mud and didn't want to ruin their floors.

"You need to get out of those clothes," he murmured and his pain became more acute.

I let him walk me inside, knowing I wouldn't get answers until we were inside. He closed the door to the wind and the rain and stood with his back to me, breathing in a long sigh as he faced the door.

"There's a restroom down the hall," he muttered and pointed behind us. "I'll look for some sweats or something."

"What's going on, Edward?" I asked again, crossing my arms in front of me to hide the shivering. But my voice betrayed the vulnerable emotions I was starting to feel.

Why wouldn't he look at me?

"Please, Bella. After you change, okay?"

His tone struck me to the core, unnerving me with how much he seemed to be avoiding me.

Did he really not want this?

Us?

Was he seriously brushing me off? After last night?

I shouldn't have come.

I turned on my heel and rushed to the bathroom, before I could let him see me crumble.

Was I so stupid?

No. No, I wasn't.

He showed me how much he cared, even this morning. I saw it in his eyes.

In his smile.

In his kiss.

In his body.

Something was wrong.

Something had happened.

I waited in my cold and dirty clothes until I heard him knock softly on the door. Opening it, he looked down and held out a bundle of clothes.

"They'll be big, but we can wash yours," he mumbled, still avoiding eye contact.

"Okay," I whispered and took the bundle from him before he reached in and closed the door, leaving me alone to change.

It didn't go unnoticed that he had offered me the same sweatshirt he had given me the last time I had come to confront him.

Why did I have to keep convincing him?

Didn't he understand that I loved him?

I pushed aside all those thoughts and cleaned up, changing into his warm clothes that were entirely too big on me. I felt like a child in grown up clothes. I stuck my nose under the collar and smiled wistfully at the lingering scent I knew was Edward.

What if this was the last time I had to enjoy that?

No. I was going to get him to tell me why he was being so evasive.

I looked briefly into the mirror, sad that the weather had destroyed any semblance of calm to my hair.

Nothing to be done about it now.

I found him in the kitchen, opening up a cabinet that revealed the coolest washer and dryer ever. I shook my head at the distraction and stepped up beside him as he started the washer, glancing at me timidly as I tossed in all my clothes.

That's right, Edward.

Underwear and bra too.

Bare bits are brushing against your sweats right now, buddy.

He closed the lid and the cabinet door as soon as I was done dropping in the laundry. Stepping away I noticed he had changed too.

No longer in sweats.

He was in his jeans and a long shirt.

I was beginning to think he felt safe in those tight jeans.

How I didn't know. It showed off more than I think he realized.

Concentrate.

"What happened, Edward?" I asked again, softly.

He didn't look up. Instead he shook his head and concentrated on the tile work on the breakfast bar he had put between us. He looked like that the day Carlisle had abraded him and I had found him up in his room.

This reeked of Dr. Creepy.

"Did you see your Dad?" I asked gently.

His immediate tensing of his jaw spoke volumes.

"What did he say?" I pressed quietly and stepped a little closer.

It was like calming a scared animal with Edward. He glanced up at me warily and then shifted his posture, edging away from me.

"It's not what he said, but what he made me realize I am, Bella," he replied looking down at the counter again.

"And what's that?"

His mouth twisted and he shook his head angrily.

"I'm not good for you, Bella," he hissed and took another step back.

I felt my heart aching, but I refused to let it take over for me as I moved closer.

"Why is that?" I pressed.

"I'll just hurt you. I'm not what you need," he breathed and looked up at me with those pained eyes. "I don't want to be like him and that's all I'll be if you stay."

"You're not anything like him, Edward," I argued and stepped closer to him. He didn't pull away this time.

"What I want is what he likes," he whispered. "I'm no different than he is."

I shook my head and reached up to touch his cheek, pulling his face towards mine so he could look down at me.

"You are nothing like your dad, Edward," I said again, more firmly. "You are gentle and attentive and you care. Dr. Cullen is none of those things. He's manipulative and cruel and only cares about his needs."

He swallowed and captured my gaze with every desperate plea he could muster.

"I don't want to hurt you. What if I hurt you? I couldn't bear it if…"

"You won't," I assured him. "Is this because of today? What you said you wanted to do?"

He nodded and tried to look away as if embarrassed. But my hand held his face firmly.

"Edward, if I didn't want everything you had to give me, I wouldn't be here right now," I said and moved in closer to him.

I could actually feel his body shiver when I pressed mine to his.

"But Carlisle…"

"I don't love Carlisle, Edward," I said. "I love you. And I want you. Everything about you. I want. What you want is not wrong."

"Why?" he asked, his eyes screwing up as if he was disgusted with what I had said.

"Because I want to explore things with you, Edward," I replied. "You said it last night. You don't want me to be your sub or you mine. Do you really think I would let you do something I didn't want to do?"

He shook his head.

"Do you really think I'd be a good sub anyway? I'm far too opinionated for that," I said, trying to make him smile.

It worked and a slight tugging of his lips told me he was working his way out of his dark self.

"You are not your father, Edward. You are so much more than he will ever be," I whispered and leaned in to kiss him softly over his heart. "Because you care about me, and you love me. If you are afraid of hurting me, you are simply showing just how much you care and just how different you are from him. You are so much more."

I felt his arms wrap around me lightly, his breath coming out of him in a long whoosh over my head, and he leaned into me as if I had lifted a great weight off of him.

I supposed I had.

And it made me so angry at Dr. Cullen for warping his son's sense of self. Edward deserved better. He deserved more.

"Why do you say the right things all the time? I feel so much better when I'm with you," he murmured against me.

I smiled into his chest and held him a little tighter.

"I care about you," I whispered and turned my head up to look down at his searching gaze. "I want you to be happy and sure. I don't want you to doubt yourself."

He frowned and pulled away a bit, shaking his head once more.

"But I do have a problem, Bella. I want to do things that people don't think are normal. I'm _not _normal," he said, his voice becoming more agitated once more.

I stepped back and let out a long breath.

This was going to be much harder to dispel than I thought.

But it was time to finish this.

Dr. Creepy was not going to ruin this. Ruin him. This stopped now.

"How do you have a problem, Edward? Explain it to me," I said, hands on hips.

He let out an exasperated breath and threw his hands in the air.

"Come on, Bella! I was planning on how best to tie you up and have my way with you! That's not normal!" he exclaimed.

"So if I had the same thoughts, I wouldn't be normal?" I asked calmly.

"You're the most normal person I know," he grumbled.

"Exactly. So you must be too," I argued.

He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands.

"You just have those thoughts because I suggested it," he muttered. "You don't think about the things I do."

"Wrong," I said, forcing his eyes up to mine in surprise. "I thought about that before you even spoke to me, Edward. I fantasized about you taking me in the library that night after you grabbed me. I think about tying you up. I think about you dragging me into the janitor's locker, or having sex with me while Mr. Banner talks about planarians or whatever. I think about a lot of things with you. So _I _must _not_ be normal."

He squished up his eyes and let out a grunt.

"I think about sex all the time, Bella. I have a problem."

My turn to grunt.

"Yeah, it's called being a teenage boy with stuffy parents," I shot back.

"I fantasize about you at least a dozen times a day," he countered.

"Is that all?" I challenged. "I've thought about you more than that just today."

"I jack off to thoughts of you."

"I do too."

He paused.

"Girls don't jack off, Bella."

"Well," I said, flustered. "I certainly take care of business when I need to. I do it a lot more than you think. And when I do, you are the one I think about. And its not always just you on top, Edward. I could get a little freaky if you let me."

He blinked at that.

"But you were a virgin last night?" he stammered. "How would you know about other things?"

"Don't belittle my inexperience, Edward. I have the internet. And a single dad that works nights that forgets he has Cinemax."

He stood there blinking down at me, stunned.

I started to wonder if maybe he did think I was a freak.

And then he startled me by grabbing me and kissing me hard.

I relaxed into his body, letting his tongue search me out eagerly. His hands moved over my body, around my back, into my hair, down to grab my ass, pulling me closer as he ravaged my mouth.

When he pulled away he was laughing.

"You really think about me when you get off by yourself?" he asked, his eyes dancing over my face.

"Since that first day you walked me to class and I caught you checking out my boobs," I said, smirking.

He had the decency to blush and roll his eyes.

"I was a mess, you know?" he replied sheepishly. "I never needed to jack off more than when I had to walk you to class."

"So you do jack off at school," I said, the trips to the bathroom becoming clearer in my head.

Funny he had done it less and less since we had started getting together.

"Not anymore," he whispered and leaned down to kiss me. "I can wait for the real thing now. Although I am very tempted some days to drag you out to the woods and do you over that log."

"Already on my list," I whispered and pulled his head down for another searing kiss.

When he broke it off this time, his body was hot and he was breathing hard.

"I wasted so much time today," he mumbled. "I hate that he can control me like that."

I stepped away from him, watching him sway slightly from the vacant spot I had just inhabited. I crooked my finger towards me and took another step backwards.

"So quit letting him do it and trust in us. We still have time to ourselves today. Let's work on that list," I suggested.

The look in his eyes turned from pleased to passionate in less than a second.

I yelped when he started for me, turning and running towards the stairs that led to his room. I could hear him hot on my trail, even through my screams and laughter. As soon as we crossed through to his room though, I felt him.

Hard and solid behind me as he wrapped his arms around me and tumbled into the bed, carrying me with him.

I lay there gasping as he returned to the door and paused there, as if thinking. He looked back, his gaze bordering on uncertain as he took me in sprawled across his bed.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and it tugged at my heart to hear the uncertainty in his voice still.

"Absolutely," I whispered. "I'm yours, just like you are mine. This is us. No one else. Just us."

I watched him swallow, his eyes becoming more hopeful as he seemed to come to a decision.

"Strip down and lay on the bed, eyes closed. I'll be right back," he said, his voice dripping with lust. His eyes raked down my body again hungrily, his tongue darting out as if to taste me still on his lips.

And then he was out of the room and heading downstairs.

My heart leaped into overdrive at the way he had said those words, and for a moment, my body froze.

Where was he going?

What would we do when he came back?

Why did the idea of lying on his bed naked excite and terrify me.

Who cares?

I was naked and lying along his cool sheets in record time.

I kept my eyes open, looking at the ceiling as I waited for him to return.

Because that little nervous girl in me was worried Emmett would show up instead of Edward.

There was no way he was catching me naked.

I didn't close my eyes until I heard him coming down the hall once more.

I could already feel my body reacting to him and he wasn't even in the room.

Wow.

"Damn, Bella. You're so beautiful there in my bed."

I shivered at the sound of his voice from doorway, and forced myself to keep my eyes closed.

It was a lot harder than I thought when I heard the door close and lock. Even more so when I distinctly heard him putting things down onto the nightstand.

A clanging like silverware.

Maybe a glass with an icy drink?

And then I felt something soft drape over my eyes.

"Lift your head for me," he whispered softly, feeling the heat of his breath drift over my face.

I did as he asked, eager to do this with him.

So many times I had thought about being blindfolded with him.

I blamed FC for it.

Blindness had its advantages, right?

I was about to get a lesson in how.

I felt the fabric tighten over my eyes and forehead, the fabric silky against my nose and eyelids.

"You'll tell me to stop if it's too much?" he asked, his voice deep and gravelly by my ear.

"Yes," I whooshed out.

I felt his lips brush over my covered eyelids. Once. Twice.

"This is one of my favorite things," he whispered. "Something we can both enjoy. Together, Bella. This is us. You're right about that. It's no one else but us."

His words sent a shiver down my body.

This was so much more without my sight.

His voice held more emotion. His words more meaning.

"Shall we start then?" he asked.

I nodded eagerly.

He kissed me one last time, this time on the lips and then I felt him move off the bed.

And then it was quiet in the room.

The only thing I could hear was my breath.

The rushing of blood pounding in my ears.

I couldn't hear him at all.

Not his breathing.

Not him moving.

Just me.

_Waiting. _

Have I said how much I hated waiting?

Oh yeah. This was going to kill me.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Ah yes. Waiting is the worst. But soo worth it.**

**But you know it will be so much more than I can add to this chapter. And its always so much fun to see it from EPOV. **

**Until then. We'll just have to wait. Hope to get the next one up by hump day. *grins***

**Love to you! **

**More soon!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	55. Chapter 55

**Um…. So this was longer than I thought it would be and well… I blame Eric Packer… if you all don't know who Eric Packer is… go right now to cosmopolisfilm[dot]com and watch the trailer… **

**Okay, you back? Ok…let's break in some mild kink with dear Bella and Edward….**

**Disclaimer- Dr. Creepy safe chapter ( I am cruel enough to leave you with blue balls last chapter. We do not need creep and kink to share time…lol)**

**McMxc A.D.- Enigma (yes… the entire album- the soundtrack to my first kinky endeavor in college)**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 55: I'm going to do things, Bella.**

**EPOV**

She really wants this.

She _really wants_ this.

Fuck.

Gottathinkgottathink.

Go easy.

Where to start?

What to use?

Fuck! Why did I waste all that time wallowing!

I needed to gather supplies.

Now she's up there naked.

Fuck she looked good lying in my bed.

Fuck I want to….

Thinkthinkthinkthink….

What to do first.

Easy.

Don't scare.

Did she really want this?

Fuck are you kidding? Did you see her eyes when she mentioned jacking off?

Holy shit! Bella got off with thoughts of me.

So what did I start with?

Feather? Fuck do we have a feather in the house?

What to use?

Shit shit shitshitshit!

Ok, calm down. She wants this.

I can improvise.

I don't need a fucking playroom.

I just need to think.

Fuck she was amazing.

Willing and naked probably already. And…

Fuck I want to just bury myself.

Sore… she had to be sore from last night… but maybe not?

Think thinkthink….

Plenty of stuff to do without having sex….

But God I wanted to.

Ok…

Breathe….

I took a long breath at the bottom of the stairs, unaware I had even come down from the third floor.

She did that.

Distracted me in the best way.

God I love her.

Love her enough to share this.

Go easy.

I took another breath and started for the kitchen, sure I could find tools in there to use as toys for this little session.

Think thinkthinkthink.

Looking around I went straight to Esme's jar of utensils, eyeing them like an artist looks at his brush.

Which one will work?

Wooden spoon?

No. I didn't want to hurt her, just sensitize her.

Think…

Flat plastic spatula.

Perhaps.

I grabbed it, knowing I would never be able to watch Esme flip pancakes ever again without getting a hard on.

Right. Focus.

Tools.

I found the stainless steel turkey baster and grinned. So many ideas.

Yes.

Basting brush.

Oooh. That would totally work.

I looked around quickly, knowing I was wasting time that could be better spent upstairs.

But I wanted this to be right too. I wanted her to enjoy it and feel everything possible in this experience.

Already I was aching from the anticipation.

How had Bella singlehandedly dismissed all my fears in a matter of moments?

She simply did, and that she thought of things when she was alone was simply amazing.

Maybe she was just like me.

Was that so bad? We were together; we could do what we wanted. Us. Together.

There was no room in my head for anything else but pleasuring Bella with this little bit of my world that I enjoyed.

I opened up the silverware drawer and a thought came to me.

Smiling broadly, I shoved a number of teaspoons into my pocket, knowing they would be perfect. I rushed around for the remaining items. Grabbing and grinning at the ideas pouring out of my head.

I finally filled a tall glass with ice, putting a little water into it.

I plunked a few of the spoons into it, already breathing heavy with the anticipation of what I'd use them for.

I spied bamboo skewers tucked behind the cheese graters, and grabbed a few of those as well. The dull side would make a nice drawing tool along her skin.

Hands full, I hurried back upstairs. Glancing at the clock in the hall, I knew we could do quite a bit with the few hours we had left.

Opening the door quietly, I felt a surge of lust work through me.

There she was. Lying quietly, eyes closed. Just as requested and my breath caught at just how beautiful she was.

Not just in her incredible body as it nestled so perfectly in my bed.

But the fact that she wanted this. That she had thought about this too.

She was perfect for me.

I wanted to show her the world.

I wanted to cherish her body.

I wanted to be everything she needed.

"Damn, Bella. You're so beautiful in my bed," I croaked, feeling my legs drift closer to her as if she were my own personal magnet.

I saw her body shiver at my words, a tightening of her thighs.

Yes.

Already she was reacting.

Fuck that was hot.

I turned to close and lock the door, smirking when I heard her soft gasp at the sound of the lock turning.

It wasn't fear but anticipation.

She knew I wanted alone time and we would not be interrupted.

Definitely not.

Emmett was with the football team in Seattle.

Esme wasn't due back until later.

She was mine.

Alone.

I intentionally made a little noise as I laid out my tools, watching her from the periphery as she tensed and relaxed and shivered.

Was it too cold in here?

It felt warm. But when I used the ice….

Mmmm. She was going to definitely react to that.

I watched as her eyelids fluttered, her curious nature trying to the better of her and make her open her eyes.

It was a good thing for my cashmere scarf I never seemed to use here in Forks.

Now I would.

I took it and laid it gently across her eyelids, leaning over just enough to move my hands to tie it.

"Lift your head for me," I whispered softly near her ear.

She immediately lifted her head, her eyes covered but her mouth visible as I watched her tug on her lips with her teeth while I tied the scarf behind her head.

She was nervous.

Maybe she was having second thoughts?

"You'll tell me to stop if it's too much?" I asked quietly.

Her eager nod and breathy _yes_ made my body relax some.

She was just nervously anticipating then maybe.

I tried to remember my first time being blindfolded and quickly pushed that thought out of my mind.

I had definitely been nervous.

Embarrassingly ill performing sort of nervous.

That wouldn't happen with Bella.

Nope. Never.

I felt so much more at ease with her.

On the same level.

Even when she lay so vulnerable underneath me.

I leaned in to kiss her softly over the blindfold.

Once over each of her eyes.

Did she know what she was in for? Did she know what this would do to both of us?

"This is one of my favorite things," I whispered. "Something we can both enjoy. Together, Bella. This is us. You're right about that. It's no one else but us."

Every word I spoke made her body react. She was so into this!

"Shall we start then?"

She nodded, so emphatically I thought she'd push the blindfold off, but it remained on and I sealed our preparations with a kiss and then slipped away from her, intent on simply watching her as she waited.

There was nothing more erotic or beautiful than watching her laying there, quietly anticipating.

I barely breathed, simply stood over her at the side of the bed beside the toys I had collected and watched as her body tensed and trembled, hardened in the right places, as well as grew wet. I knew she was aroused already.

You don't realize how many muscles move when you are trying to satisfy an ache discreetly.

Her stomach slowly tightened, raising her pelvis just slightly, offering me more of a view of her hair below. I smiled when I noticed her thighs slowly flex, knowing her ass was tightening as well.

Trying to satisfy with just muscle control.

She'd lose all control soon enough.

I couldn't wait.

But I did.

Waiting created anticipation and heightened sensation.

And heightened sensation created mind-blowing orgasms.

She shifted slightly, as if to listen for me and I knew I needed to start this.

I took a slow breath, watching her body tense when she heard it.

I don't think she knew how close I had been, watching.

I opened my mouth to speak and her whole body shivered.

So reactive.

"I'm going to do things, Bella," I started and just those words made her moan softly.

"Because you're blindfolded, you won't know where I will start, or what I will do. But you need to trust me that I won't hurt you," I continued, my voice the only sound in the room.

Well that and her quickened breaths.

"You trust me?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

She nodded.

"I trust you, Edward," she breathed.

Her body was goosefleshed and vibrating.

"I won't ever hurt you, Bella," I assured her. "That's not my thing. I only want you to feel good. All right?"

She nodded again and swallowed hard.

"you'll tell me to stop if you don't like something?"

She licked her lips and whimpered, nodding again.

"Are you nervous?"

"A little," she confessed. "But it's a good nervous. I want you to touch me, but I don't know how you will. It's driving me crazy."

"That's good," I whispered and leaned down to inhale her, the noise making her vibrate and arch her body slightly, as if begging to be touched.

I smirked and took a slow step back, enjoying the sense of control I had with Bella.

No master servant here. But there was definitely a measure of relinquishing control.

Bella was never one to do that since I had known her, but here she was, offering that little bit to me.

I looked over at the table, eyeing the toys.

Where to start?

I slowly unbuttoned my jeans, her head tilting a little at the soft noise.

"Do you know what I'm doing right now?" I asked.

"Buttons," she croaked. "The buttons to your jeans."

I smirked and felt myself grow more confident.

She was so attuned.

I slid the jeans down my legs, the sound of the rustling fabric sounding noisy even in my own ears.

Her breathing quickened again and I paused to watch how beautiful she looked, her breasts rising and falling excitedly. I kicked off the jeans and turned once more to the nightstand. I could see her from my periphery tilting her head slightly to listen to what I was doing. I fingered the brush, along with the bamboo skewers between my fingers, contemplating.

Curling my fingers around both I moved slowly towards the foot of the bed where her feet rested, her toes pointing straight to the ceiling. Had she been completely relaxed, I knew they would have tilted off to the sides a bit, but her legs were tenser than that.

Clenching, ever so minutely.

"Take a long breath in," I whispered.

Her toes wiggled at the sound of my voice, and she hesitated for only a moment.

Then she inhaled long and deep.

"Now let it out just as slowly."

A slow whoosh out, trembling slightly. But she visibly relaxed, making the next step more intense for her.

I fingered the basting brush for a second before leaning over slightly and barely grazing it along the underside of her foot.

Bella gasped and her body jerked, a reflex action that without being restrained was typical.

But I didn't want to restrain her.

Just yet.

She let out another big breath and her foot settled, allowing me to do it again, this time a little slower, but still barely grazing her skin.

"Oh my god," she groaned and her head lulled to the side while her fingers gripped at the bedding beside her.

"How does that feel?" I asked, moving to her other foot, catching her by surprise only a little.

She moaned again and her foot curled as I drew lightly up from heel to toe.

"T-tickles," she groaned and arched. "And so electric."

I smirked and pulled the brush away, satisfied with how she reacted.

Now for the other.

"AAIGH!" she cried out when she felt the dull side of the bamboo stick slide up her foot.

I pulled it away and watched as her body convulsed.

"And that?"

She shook her head from side to side, biting her bottom lip hard.

"Did it hurt?" I asked, frowning for a moment that perhaps it had been too much.

"Do it again."

I swallowed at the sound of her strained voice and moved to the other foot, repeating the motion. A quick flick along the soft underfoot.

"Shit!"

I pulled away again. She twitched again but this time instead of biting her lip, she giggled.

"What was that?" she asked, wiggling her toes.

I let out a breath in relief and chuckled.

"That's my secret," I replied. "Do you want to continue?"

She nodded eagerly and a smile broke out across her gorgeous lips.

She was enjoying this.

I couldn't believe it.

Bella was just… so much more.

I moved along side her, keeping my body just far enough away so that it didn't touch hers. Not that she didn't try. I noticed her fingers of her closed hand spreading out to reach for me.

"You don't want me to tie you up just yet do you?" I teased and brushed her fingers with the brush.

"Maybe?" she snickered.

"Killing me Bella," I whispered, closing my eyes in restraint.

I didn't think I could handle both blindfolding and tying her up.

I'd want to do entirely too many things.

"I promise, I'll behave," she said softly, a playful smile on her lips.

I leaned in and kissed her, her body jolting slightly at the surprise touch.

"Good girl," I mused beside her and leaned back to look at her, the brush hovering over her body, doing virtual patterns in the air before I decided where to land it.

"The difference in touch and texture intensifies when you are left not knowing what it is or from where its coming from," I instructed. "So a feather light touch may be overly ticklish, while something like the other feels almost like it is breaking the skin. But it doesn't."

At my last words, I stroked the brush around one nipple, making her gasp and shudder.

I traced down her sternum, listening to her breath as it quickened again. Everywhere the brush touched the skin puckered and goosefleshed.

"The contrasts create a much more pleasurable experience though, right?" I asked, pulling away the brush and hovering over her for a long few seconds before the stick twirled around her navel.

"Yes!" she cried out and tightened her stomach on reflex.

"Does this hurt?"

Bella shook her head and groaned when I ran the stick slowly up the inside of her arm. The wood pressed into the skin only slightly, enough to be felt but never pierce. Enough to cause her to physically react to the touch. I pulled away the stick and without a second to let her compose herself, the brush was swirling along her inner thigh.

Her legs opened slightly from their tightly clamped position and she sighed heavily, her head rolling back slightly.

Oh she thought I was going there.

Not yet.

I pulled away again, moving off the bed. She was pouting and tilting her head towards where I had been. This was so much better than I had ever hoped for.

And my own body was singing at every little reaction Bella offered me. I was beyond aching. I pressed my palm over my cock that was struggling to free itself from my boxers and moaned softly at the relief.

What would she think if I jacked off while I did this to her?

Would she know?

She heard the buttons come undone on your jeans, of course she would know.

Would it get her excited?

Maybe another time.

She was still trying to figure out where I had gone and the ice was starting to melt in my glass.

"Round two?" I asked, and her whimper told me she was most definitely ready.

I reached for the spare spoons I had not placed in the ice and slipped them into my mouth, hoping to warm them quick. I let them sit in my mouth for almost a minute while Bella squirmed slightly in anticipation.

Oh she had no idea.

Ice was heat was my favorite thing to do.

When the spoons were good and warm, I removed them and tucked them under my arm, being sure they stayed so. Then I slipped the spoon out of the cup of ice, making sure Bella heard the noise it made.

A loud clattering sound that made her stomach tighten as I watched.

The spoon had fogged up from the cold.

Adjusting beside her on the bed, I leaned over so that my lips hovered over one nipple, giving just enough space for the spoon to move.

The curve of the spoon fitting perfectly over her nipple.

"Ahhhh!"

Her body convulsed at the sensation; but her whimper when my hot mouth enveloped her chilled breast was what I enjoyed most. She squirmed against my hot mouth, panting and jolting against my body that leaned against her trapped arm underneath.

Another spoon from the glass made its way to her other nipple, repeating the action. Cold and then warm sucking on her most sensitive parts.

"Oh my god. Oh my god," she babbled as I repeated it once more, taking longer with my mouth to tease her.

Without giving her a chance to relax, I trailed a freshly dipped spoon down her stomach, drawing lazy squiggles along her porcelain skin. She was humming and moaning with each slow arch of the spoon until I knew it had warmed to her scorching skin.

The glass clinked again, and she whimpered at the noise.

She was learning.

Pulling out another spoon, I adjusted again on the bed, holding the warm spoons still.

"Open your legs, feet touching, knees to the bed out beside you," I ordered, feeling the strain of this exercise on me as her body called to me.

She did so quickly, so fearless to my request.

Wasn't she shy at all?

Had it been me with someone I was still learning, opening myself up like that would have been difficult.

She really did trust me.

It made my heart soar at that thought.

She was truly giving herself to me.

I repositioned myself so that my head was closer to her thighs, and from there, I could see just how much she trusted me. She was well and truly mine.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Bella?" I asked, my voice strained.

She sighed and her thighs tightened near my eyes, the rest of her body tightening and adjusting as well. To see her tighten and flex where I wanted to be tempted me to toss the spoons aside and forget about her soreness. She was wet and swollen and there for me to take.

Breathe.

Her essence there in my nose and on my tongue as I breathed in through my mouth.

I wanted to taste. I wanted to bite.

I wanted to be inside.

"Please."

Her soft voice begging fueled the temptation.

Reaching for the nightstand, I dug around to grab the condoms I had hiding there.

Laying them beside her clenched hand I resumed my position beside her.

A new cold spoon in hand I slowly extracted a hot one from my arm.

She was expecting cold.

So when the heated bowl of the spoon pressed against her clit, she cried out.

And then she arched her body up into the air when the cold one pressed against her entrance. Softly pressing, gently rocking against her, I moved the spoons so that she could feel them over and over, her body writhing and her breathing staccato as I pushed and stroked.

"Oh god please!" she begged and this time it was more difficult for me to deflect. I tossed the spoons aside and she let out a pained moan. Once again I moved to the nightstand and filled the baster with some of the cold water.

I had never done this before, but I had the thought that while messy, it would drive her crazy not knowing what I was doing. Carefully, I let a few drops go, perfectly aimed at her hard nipples. The ice water splashed and ran quickly down the side of her body, lost in the sheets.

She gasped and jerked again, her hands moving for a second before slamming back down on the bed, clutching at the sheets.

"Open you mouth."

She did so immediately, her tongue taking in the several drops I offered her teasingly. I offered her another bit of water from the baster before moving down her body, dripping into her navel. She moaned and fought not to move. But when I leaned down to lap up the water her body instinctively arched, spilling the water along her sides and down into the hair between her legs.

"Please, please, please," she continued to beg, cracking my resolve. I needed to be closer. To see. Too feel.

Tossing the baster to the floor, I slipped further down on the bed, carefully taking her near leg and wrapping it over my shoulder blade so that I was suddenly beneath it. Closer to her and where I wanted to remain for sometime to come.

She let out a moan that turned into a long and drawn out groan that sounded like my name when my lips finally touched her.

Tongue exploring, I tasted in her sweet taste, diluted some by the water rivulets and I searched her out further.

Flicking the hard bit of her before rolling my tongue deep and true against her.

So full of flavor and so much for me to enjoy, I lost myself in her body.

Her taste, her smell, her body as it rubbed against me, burying my nose deep into the short coarse hair.

Oh yes, I liked that she had some hair. So much better than bare.

I could inhale her and swallow her down and never stop.

Never stop.

Never.

_Never. _

I could drown in her. Die between her legs and be satisfied.

Savor her quivering body, clenching thighs as they tried to crush me into a happy death.

"Edward!"

And still I wanted more.

So much more as she stiffened and arched and shuddered and flooded my mouth with her sweetness.

Intoxicating me.

Drunk on her.

Needy for her.

"Oh god please, Edward!" she was crying, clawing at me.

Nails scraping along my scalp, pulling at me.

I didn't want to leave.

Didn't want to waste her.

"I need you. I need you. Now! Oh please now! Please too much! I need… need."

Her nails succeeded when she added her words.

I was high on her, feeling her on my lips, on my tongue, my chin. But not where I needed.

Where she was begging.

Begging.

I fumbled around with my hands while I trailed my nose through her mound, up to her stomach, my hands finally finding the small wrappers that had drifted away from us in her writhing.

In no time I was covered and moving up her body. Mouth to breasts, hands slipping in between to angle me towards a warm wet place I wanted to be so very much.

Both of us desperate as her hands continued to clutch and claw and pull and tug, trying to get me where she needed.

And then I was there.

In.

A sigh. A groan.

Sliding so easily.

Hips flexing. Moving in sync.

Her hands grabbing at my ass and pulling harder. Shoving me in deeper.

"Ah yes!" she cried out and pulled again, setting me to a frenzied pace.

Forgotten was the need to take it slow. To tease, to be gentle.

She didn't want it and neither did I.

_This_ was what we wanted.

Fast.

Deep.

Hard.

Frenzied.

Passion overtaking reason.

Completion.

Oh so much with her.

So much of her in my senses.

Breath on my shoulder, panting my name.

Her scent all over me.

Her taste still on my lips when I licked at them.

And her. Tight and warm and flexing.

She was everywhere.

I had no chance of making a good show of lasting.

She had overwhelmed my senses.

I felt myself tightening. I buried my head into her still covered hair and groaned as I felt it sweep over me, panting her name as I lost myself in her once again.

Falling away.

Falling.

Floating.

Sinking.

Collapsing.

"I love you."

It sounded slurred in my ears as I said it, but I couldn't think.

I was floating in her being.

She was everything.

She was…

"Edward?"

"Everything," I murmured and felt myself growing heavier.

She was my everything.

_I love you, Edward._

I smiled into the warmth, feeling it wrap around me like a warm blanket.

I wrapped my arms around my warm blanket and drifted, not wanting to leave this euphoric feeling.

Never.

I was never leaving.

This was mine.

This was ours.

_Bella and me._

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**This chapter is brought to you by the Cosmopolis movie teaser trailer… and my Frigidaire ice dispenser … I gotta go wash me some spoons now.**

**I got nothing else… I have to go put Rob on repeat….**

**More soon…**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	56. Chapter 56

**This chapter is brought to you by the fine doctors and nurses that have followed me with their book club for a while now… May your lunch table discussions be loud and proud! Love to you and to Cris and Dougie! And to all of you!**

**Disclaimer- Food was consumed and ruined for this chapter... and my dishwasher has a sanitizing feature...LOL**

**Perfect Two- Auburn**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 56: Abracadabra. The pants were gone! **

**BPOV**

I couldn't see his reaction, but I could certainly feel it.

Oh my did I feel it, to the ends of my toes and tips of my hair, I felt Edward.

And when he slowly relaxed into me, overheated and heavy on me, I knew he was overcome. He didn't move off of me immediately, which seemed a little odd, and so I whispered to him, just his name.

He sighed and seemed to get heavier.

"Everything," he mumbled, and I could feel his lips grazing my neck where my shoulder met.

Another sigh, another nuzzle and still he was on top of me, the weight of him not uncomfortable, but strange.

And then his evening breaths.

He was blissed out.

I slowly moved my hands that I had struggled to keep still and wrapped my arms around him, hearing his happy sigh escape from his lips by my ear. I wasn't sure if he still wanted me to remain blindfolded, but it didn't really matter.

I could see him in my head, eyes closed and a sweet boyish grin on his has as he lay there.

He nuzzled again and held me close, like he wanted to never let me go.

I could understand his reaction.

I wanted to remain like this with him forever.

What we had just shared was so much.

He had opened up and shown me a side of himself that he had been thinking I would fear.

Silly boy.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, hugging him a little closer.

He hummed drowsily and held me tighter, but made no move to roll away or get up.

Which was okay, even though I had to pee and his hip was pressing my bladder like a Scotsman squeezes a bagpipe.

And I still couldn't see.

I disengaged myself long enough to slide whatever he had tied on my head free, pulling away a striped cashmere scarf. It was soft and quite long, but it had certainly done its job. I had seen nothing that he had done. Sliding my hand over his arm that lay draped around my shoulder, I glanced around the room to see it for the first time since he had come back in.

I was a little confused by the things on the night stand.

Was that what he had used?

He was definitely creative.

I carefully slid out from under him, not wanting to wake him, intent on slipping away to pee and clean up. I was pulling my aching legs over the side of the bed when I felt a strong arm wrap around my hips and warm lips brushing along the small of my back.

"Don't leave yet," he whispered quietly into my spine.

I shivered at his breath along my skin and looked down to find his head peeking from around my hip, one eye staring up at me.

"I just had to pee and clean up," I said, smiling down at him.

His eye crinkled a little and I could just make out the smile on his lips as he continued to kiss me along the soft skin of my hip.

"I just don't want you to leave yet," he murmured and then nipped at me on the fleshy part of my hip, making me yelp.

His eye widened for a moment, gauging my reaction before I pushed him back into the bed and grabbed at his hands as he tried to pull me over onto my back.

"You're going to make me pee, you!" I cried out, laughing and squirming against him until we finally settled down, my body half across him.

He let out a soft chuckle and then squished up his face in discomfort.

"I need to go take care of this," he mumbled and was sliding the condom off, making me wrinkle my nose as well.

"I hate the smell of latex," I said, my nose still wrinkling up. "It makes me want to hurl."

"Really?" he asked and looked down at his lap, frowning. "That could get complicated."

I could almost see his thoughts as he processed them in his head.

Yeah, not a fan of swallowing latex, Edward.

"We should clean up then," he said, seeming to understand why I had wanted to slip away. When he looked up again, he was smiling again. "I definitely don't want to smell like something that makes you ill."

"Exactly," I said, giggling when he leaned in to kiss my neck and nibble at it.

"I need to change out my clothes in the dryer too," I said as I slowly slid to the side of the bed again, evading his lips when it seemed like he wanted to go further. I really did have to pee.

When I stood I looked down at the things he had collected again and shook my head.

"Did you use this on me?" I asked, raising a bamboo skewer towards him.

He smirked and actually blushed.

"Yes."

I nodded and picked up a spoon from the glass of ice water he had there.

I raised my eyebrow at him and giggled.

"This puts the idea of spooning in a whole different perspective," I teased.

He chewed at his lip and grinned at me as he stepped up behind me, one finger tracing along my shoulder and down my back as his lips laid delicate kisses along my shoulder.

"I liked the spooning, in every sense," he whispered.

I sighed and closed my eyes for a second.

When I opened them again I spied a wide spatula on the table.

"You didn't use this," I said, picking it up.

He blushed again.

"You were way too tempting. Otherwise I might have spanked you with it," he said, his voice dangerously low again.

"Well I guess I get to play with it then," I teased, his eyes going wide.

"Let's get cleaned up, and take care of your clothes," he replied quickly. "And then we'll see."

I narrowed my eyes at him and wondered if there were some things he didn't want done to him, but I wasn't going to push that conversation. I liked the teasing banter we had going on.

He kissed me one more time before letting me disappear into his bathroom. It was a typical small guest bathroom, but Edward's things were strewn everywhere. A few clothes on the floor, his shaving cream which I admit I sniffed at, and all his other little personal things.

I cleaned up quickly; throwing on the sweats he had given me before practically skipping down to the kitchen to join him. I was first to get there, so I changed out the laundry and looked around the kitchen.

Thinking he must not have eaten much during the day, I poked around the cabinets to see if maybe I could put together something we could snack on. I knew I was hungry. He had to be ravenous. Digging through the one tall cupboard by the washer, I found peanut butter and some Nutella.

Having become a newly obsessed perv, my mind went places of course.

So they came out of the cupboard and a plan was hatched.

"What are you doing?" I heard softly in my ear just before Edward's arms found their way around my waist.

"I thought you might be hungry," I replied smoothly and turned slightly, giving him a sexy look. "So I want to feed you."

He swallowed loudly and licked at his lips as he surveyed what I had so far.

"What are you going to make?" he asked.

"That's my surprise," I teased and turned around in his grasp to kiss him slowly.

He pressed into me, his tongue immediately searching me out.

Wow, he really did have some recuperative skills.

I sighed against his lips, a little dazed by his nearness. Only his sudden stomach rumble made us come to our senses. He offered me an embarrassed smile and took a measured step back, hands sliding into his pockets.

"What can I do?" he asked.

I nodded to the refrigerator.

"How about something to drink. I'm thirsty," I said and grinned at him when he chuckled knowingly.

Panting and gasping took a lot of fluids out of you.

I continued to find little things I wanted to try with him, putting them on a tray he provided as I moved around his kitchen.

Some fruit.

A few things to fool around with.

"Did you use all the spoons?" I asked, looking at the empty silverware drawer.

He simply grinned and pulled out a couple from the dishwasher.

"Almost."

Oh…. He was going to get it.

I had butter knives and I knew how to use them.

He thought he could have all the fun?

Well.

I was hungry for my version of a Reese's Peanut butter cup.

With a side of Edward.

Edward watched me gather things in silence, but I noticed his eyes grew lustier with each new thing. By the time we made it back up into his room, his hands were all over me again.

"I'm starving," he groaned against me, hands moving up to capture my breasts, lips devouring my neck.

"I won't be able to do anything if you keep this up," I said, trying to sound calm.

But whenever his hands touched me, it was a fight not to just jump him.

He groaned in frustration when I pushed him onto the bed, but that was short lived when he reached out to try and pull me into bed with him. I took a step back and shook my head, trying to clear it.

"It's my turn, Edward," I chastised. "Behave or I'll just have to think of a way to make you."

He offered me a cocky eyebrow raise and leaned back casually against the headboard.

"I'd like to see that."

Oh he was testing me.

I moved the tray of food to the side of the bed, eyeing him as I stood beside the bed to contemplate my next move.

Teasing.

I was going to tease him in my own way.

I smiled sweetly to him just before I pulled my top off, followed by my pants.

He was still ogling me when I surprised him further by straddling his thighs as he sat there.

"Take off your shirt," I ordered, his hands moving from the back of his head to tug on the shirt almost immediately.

I leaned in and traced my fingers down the contours of his chest, never really getting time to have done this before. He really was a beautiful being. Not overly muscled like his oaf of a brother, but cut and strong in all the right places. When my fingers tickled at the hair on his belly, I felt him adjust on instinct.

Oh yeah, this could be fun teasing him.

At least until he decided he had had enough.

Could I handle him one more time?

Like I needed to ask that!

His hands moved to my jaw, holding me in place so that we could stare at one another for seemingly forever, drowning in one anothers eyes as my hands traced and tickled.

"I want to feed you," I whispered finally.

He swallowed again, but the look on his face was carnal. He remained silent, and his hands fell away to lay on my thighs, offering me the chance to move and reach for some of the food on the plate.

I grabbed the banana first, peeling it slowly while he watched, mouth open slightly.

I took the first bite, and I admit, I took a bigger portion than necessary.

He didn't seem to mind.

Breaking off a piece while I chewed, I placed it in his mouth carefully, watching in satisfaction as he chewed and then swallowed, his throat moving as he took it down. We remained quiet as he would watch me take in a bite, then offer him one after. The banana was just a starter. Next came the strawberries which seemed to remind us both of biting and tasting my nipples once upon a time. I kissed and licked at him every time a strawberry threatened to juice him, his mouth capturing mine every time my own drew near.

He was entirely too aggressive when I was supposed to be the one teasing him.

And we still had more to eat.

What I really wanted was still sitting on the tray.

I offered him a drink to wash down the banana and then moved onto the two jars on the tray, unscrewing the lids while he watched with hungry eyes.

"Do you like chocolate and peanut butter?" I asked, dipping a spoon into the peanut butter and a knife into the Nutella.

He nodded with a jerk of his head.

Smiling easily I held the spoon between us and kept his eyes on mine as I slowly swirled the peanut butter with one finger. When I had a nice bit on the finger I laid the spoon down and picked up the knife holding the Nutella. His eyes wavered to the knife, wondering what I was going to do.

Sitting up a little drew his eyes back to mine, widening slightly when I angled my finger towards his mouth.

"Open up."

He did as I said and took in my finger, swirling his tongue and sucking hard on my finger to remove the peanut butter.

I could have died right then at how erotic it was to feel him devouring my finger.

But I had plans.

While he sucked on my finger, his eyes followed the knife as I slowly brought it to my breasts, lathering up the nipples like they were the tops of mini cupcakes. He moaned around my finger when he realized what I was doing.

Adjusting a little higher, I leaned in, feeling his mouth release my finger in eager anticipation for the next serving.

"Taste."

I felt his hands wrap around my hips to draw me up higher to his lips, the heat of his mouth taking in one nipple to work on the Nutella. Licking and sucking hard, he moaned into me again, causing me to shiver at the vibration that ran through me. He made quick work of the one nipple, moving to the other as if it were his last meal.

As soon as he had cleaned that one off, I pulled on his head to draw him to my lips, tasting the heady mix of peanut butter, Nutella and all Edward as our tongues tangled and caressed one another. I felt Edward's hands moving to adjust me, to lie me down on the bed, but I wasn't having it.

I had other things to try.

I reached for his hands and pulled them together between us, his breath coming hard as he caught sight of his scarf in my hand.

"Bella," he croaked, eyes blazing, chest heaving.

"May I?" I asked, slowly wrapping the scarf around his wrists.

"Yes… god yes."

I smirked and kissed him again quickly before returning to my task.

Charlie had wanted a boy. I knew that. Was fine with that. Because what came with being a girl in a macho dad's house is the ability to learn things.

Like fishing.

How to knock a guy out.

How to properly restrain things.

Knots, in other words.

Charlie had been the king of knot tying.

So of course I had learned.

"Not too tight?" I asked, smirking at Edward's blinking eyes as he tried to work his hands free.

"That's," he said, pausing to pull again. "That's really good."

"I told you not to underestimate me," I teased softly and slowly wiggled my way down the bed until I was standing at the foot of it. "Now why don't you lay down and put your hands above you."

I could see his heart beating in his chest, see the excitement in his pants as he slid down to lay on his back. When he was settled, I took the bottom of his pants and raised my eyebrow at him. He smirked and raised his hips enough for me to live out my fantasy of being a world class magician.

Abracadabra.

The pants were gone!

With an evil glint in my eye I moved back up his body until I straddled over his stomach, feeling the firm reminder of him pressing into my ass. His eyes followed my body as I stretched over him, breasts practically burying in his face as I took the long tail of the scarf and threaded it through the slats that made up his headboard. I may have worked a little slower at tying him up.

Having his head nestle between my breasts was a nice reward for working slowly.

But when I had finished, he was well and truly trussed up to his bed. He flexed slightly, feeling his bindings for strength.

"You better be careful," I warned as I sat back to look at him. "You might break the headboard if you're not careful."

As if to test the theory he tugged on the scarf again, both of us watching as the slats flexed a little.

"I'm not explaining to Esme what happened it you break those," I said simply.

"No, probably not a good idea," he said, grinning widely.

"Can I get back to work now?" I said, pretending to be frustrated.

My hand started a simple tracing of circles around his forehead, smiling down at him as I watched his eyes wander. What was different about what he had done to me and what I wanted was that I knew he liked watching. And I liked it when he did.

He made me feel sexy.

Just by his reactions.

I was sure he'd enjoy being blindfolded as well. But this was different. He could see what he couldn't have and couldn't act on it.

I let my fingertips draw lines down his strong jaw, playing across his lips that quivered and pouted when I drew away too soon, down the rough texture of his throat. He hadn't shaved today, so his stubble scratched at the pads of my fingers as I drew them down.

Down the long line of his torso.

Down to where my body met with his.

Where I could feel myself heating up as I looked down at his beauty.

His breathing had grown more labored as my hand moved, and when I looked up into his eyes, I was taken by surprise at the intensity of his stare as he watched my hand, so close to my entrance.

Did he like that?

I let my other hand drift away, travelling up my own torso, to which he followed with his eyes in rapt attention. I let my fingertips circle the outside of my breast, experimenting with his reaction.

He didn't disappoint.

I could feel it in his intake of breath, in the heaviness of his eyes.

And the hard pressing behind me as his hips tried to adjust.

"do you like that?" I asked, my voice so unlike my own. It was dark and throaty.

Sexual.

He nodded and licked at his lips, arms straining a little to make the headboard creak.

"Behave," I said, smirking.

"Touch," he hissed. "God I want to do that, but you look so hot doing it to yourself."

This was not exactly what I had planned, but this seemed better than making him watch me give him a blowjob, so I teased him a little this way.

He did make me feel sexy and in control, just by the desperation I could see on his face and in his body as he stretched and panted.

"Do you like me doing this?" I asked and rolled my thumb over my nipples, both of us groaning at the action.

I adjusted my hips against his stomach, feeling his cock aiming for more desired places. Moving again, I had him wedged beneath me, my ass serving as a very good tease for him.

Of course I was reminded of hot dogs and my ass as the bun.

But I was teasing here, so I'd think about Oscar Meyer later.

Now, it was all about Edward.

Who was flexing and whimpering a little as he eyed where I sat upon him. I hadn't realized that I had let my hand cup me there, some instinctual need for pleasure while I felt him moving under me to relieve some of his own tension.

"This?" I asked and shifted my hand, leaving two fingers to slide back down.

Down.

Oh that's really nice.

"Yes," he breathed and moved again under me, rocking slightly.

His movements made me move, which in turn made me feel a little more.

Back and forth, slow and measured.

So much for blow jobs.

Moving like this just made me want him again.

Pain and stiffness be damned.

Feeling him beneath me, watching him devour my movements in his eyes.

I wanted him.

I wanted to show him.

Wanted to do it for him.

Fumbling beside us on the bed, I pulled out the packets of condoms Edward had tossed in the bed at some point in my blind trial. I heard him whimper and still when he saw what was in my hand.

"But," he stammered, looking both conflicted and desperate at once.

I leaned down to kiss him, rising up enough to break our connection.

"I want it," I murmured into his lips, nipping at them before sliding down further on his body, low enough that I could touch him.

He whimpered again and pressed his head back into the pillows when he felt my hand wrap around him, offering him a little more before I had to put that nasty thing over him. He was so incredibly beautiful there. Hard, thick, something I might have squealed at and ran away from a few months ago if someone showed it to me without the benefit of seeing the whole man.

But I knew, everything about Edward was incredible.

I eased the condom over him, feeling so powerful when I heard his harsh breaths at my touch. Crawling over him slowly, I held him to me as I watched him.

Swallow.

Pant.

Whimper at the first touch of my middle to his.

Sink. Slow.

Another whimper.

That one was me.

Stretching.

So deep.

"Bella."

Long breath in, long sigh out.

Deeper.

So much more this way.

"Fuck."

I opened my eyes to find him straining his neck back. Eyes closed, mouth clenched and making a growling sort of noise. Hands gripping the head board where I had him tied.

This was all mine.

And he was all in me.

I pushed my hips forward, rolling his pelvic bone against mine and we both whimpered.

So good.

Hip move.

Out just a little.

His own flexed.

In to the core.

Touching.

Something deep and miraculous within.

"Oh, oh shit," I panted and did it again.

A little faster.

Roll.

Pull back.

His flex.

Deep and stroking.

Faster.

My hands on his ribs, wrapped around to hold on.

Hips gyrating. Him panting, saying my name, head thrashing back and forth.

I looked down and could see him rising up to spear me, pulling out as I rode him.

Disappearing and then reappearing, slick and hard and moving with ease.

In and out.

Roll and pull.

Touching deep.

Touching.

"I want to touch you," he pleaded.

I looked up from our joined points to find him looking down there also, breathing heavily and biting his lip.

I raised up and pushed into him a little harder, meeting his upthrust with my downturn.

I didn't want to let him go so soon, but I watched as the wood flexed and creaked as his fingers turned white knuckled rfom grasping.

"What do you want to touch?" I asked, my voice breathless from our action.

"There," he groaned and nodded to where we were joined. "I want to feel that. I want to touch you there."

His head lulled back again and he groaned loudly, pushing into me even harder as I rode him.

He was starting to unravel.

He was touching me with what he could, but he thought it wasn't enough.

"You feel so good like that," I said, hearing him groan again at my words.

"Fuck. Fuck!" he cried and I felt us pick up speed.

We were hammering at one another now, my hair flying and I knew my breasts bouncing as I met his rhythm. But the way he reached me inside was not like the other times. He was finding places that sung when they were touched by him.

Deep.

"Yes! " I cried and grabbed at his shoulders to keep from being thrown into the ehadboard as he raised his knees for better leverage. This new position had him angling just a little different to hit a spot in me that way that I was feeling every part of me come apart.

I heard him grunting, heard him cursing. I heard all sorts of things mixed with my own cries. Creaking, the tray clattering to the floor. Something maybe breaking as it hit.

I didn't care.

He and I were finding a deeper place that sent us both into some fantastic cloud of euphoria that left me limp and sprawled against him, panting and lightheaded.

He was panting and slick with sweat underneath me. Groggily I was barely aware of his fingers running down my back. Gentle tracing down my spine, a slow grasp of my ass and then fingers dragging back up again.

Hands.

His hands.

Loose.

"How did you?" I asked in a daze, rolling my head a bit to look up at him as he cleared his throat.

He didn't say anything immediately, but I could see just above his head what had happened.

Two pieces of wood stuck out from the grooves they were supposed to be set into.

"You… you broke the bed," I said in astonishment.

"Um, I think I can fix it," he replied, craning his neck to see the two slats poking out precariously.

"Let's see you hide that from Esme," I retorted.

"A lot of pillows?"

"Sure, that'll work," I replied sardonically.

He shrugged and held me a little closer, my mind realizing he was still tied up, holding me captive in his tied arms. I made to untie him but he stopped me with a kiss, shaking his head when I looked at him questioningly.

"I like it like this," he whispered. "We can stay like this for a little bit. I can hold you closer. And you really didn't tie me super tight."

He wiggled his wrist a little to show me he could get out if he wanted to.

Charlie would have been disappointed in my knots, I suppose.

But then again.

Yeah. Best not think about Charlie while I was in bed with Edward.

I snuggled into his hot body and let my fingers trace along the body I was learning with each new foray.

This was right.

I couldn't wait until next time.

Maybe a few days rest between though.

I'd definitely be sore for a few days now.

Jillian Michaels had nothing on the Edward Cullen workout.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: sigh…a little more loving for our lovers… They better hurry up and get that place cleaned up before Esme gets home.**

**Laundry, some serious dishwashing time… and perhaps some home repairs…**

**Ah the aftereffects of good loving!**

**More soon!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	57. Chapter 57

**Hello again! Let's see what Edward's thinking after all that incredible sex, eh?**

**All Because of You- U2**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 57: Oops. My bad. **

**EPOV**

Long after Bella left, long after we had laughed and cleaned up our mess, I was still smiling.

Not even Emmett could get me down.

He could make me giggle though when he complained about no spoons in the drawer for his pudding cup. Esme didn't even bat an eyelash and simply pulled a fresh one out of the dishwasher, still warm from the heat setting.

We were nothing if not thorough.

I admit it was Bella's idea.

I had no idea the dishwasher had a heat setting hot enough to sterilize.

Now I knew.

The only thing that seemed to sober me up was Esme's quiet behavior since returning back from Port Angeles. Her only explanation on what she had spent the day doing was meeting with some old acquaintances.

She didn't elaborate and I didn't ask further.

She would tell us in her own time.

I hoped.

I still felt uncomfortable asking about why Carlisle had been here earlier in the day, afraid that for whatever reason he had insisted on being here, it somehow related to me.

I didn't want that guilt.

Not after such a great day with Bella.

So I said my goodnights and headed back upstairs to my bedroom after dinner, tired from the last few days. I grinned into the darkness as I lay there, knowing if I was tired, Bella would be fast asleep for sure. I fingered the two slats in my headboard that sat slightly askew.

They hadn't gone back as easily as I had pulled them out.

It took a lot to get me to use that much force.

A beautiful girl riding you and keeping you from touching her could do that to a guy.

Snuggling down into my blankets, I nuzzled into the pillows, still smelling her there. I had insisted when we changed the sheets that she leave the pillows. The blush I got from her when I told her I wanted to have something of her with me when I slept was heart warming.

I would have preferred her here.

But her lingering scent would have to do.

Sleep came quickly, and before I knew it, it was morning and I was waving goodbye to my mom and driving to pick up Bella from her house. She was a lot slower coming out, and when I saw her, I knew why. She pursed her lips and groaned as she slid into the seat, closing her eyes as she laid her head back on the leather seat.

Oops.

My bad.

"Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly as I slid into my own seat with a lot more ease than she had.

"I'm not," she said, her eyes still closed, but a playful smile on her face.

She opened up her eyes and turned her head slightly to eye me with that playful look I liked so much.

"That was the best weekend ever," she continued and then laughed. "Any weekend that needs recovery time is a great time."

Leaning in I kissed her slowly, content to have her here with me, happy that she was happy, and feeling a sense of pride that I could make her feel so much. Of course when we got to school, I worried about her. She rolled her eyes at me and straightened her back, walking calmly into her first class.

I think I was the only one that noticed she sat a little more gingerly than usual.

I turned towards my own class and sighed, knowing I would have to behave this week.

First period flew by to memories of the weekend and the ever present pain in my jeans.

But unlike so many times before, I didn't choose to rush off to the bathroom to relieve it.

Instead I embraced the fact that Bella made me feel like a man.

Wanting.

Needing.

And only she could satisfy.

Well, I could certainly take care of business, but it just wouldn't feel the same anymore.

Suddenly trips in between class seemed passé.

I could handle a little discomfort.

If Bella could, I certainly would.

Because of Bella, I could refrain. I could dismiss my needs.

All because of Bella and how she loved me.

So second period turned into third period, slowing down only when I realized that one more class period and I'd be seeing her again. I had half a mind to go find her class so that I could walk her to her fourth period.

Or to the closest utility closet.

But it was a long walk from opposite sides of campus, and she really did need some recover time.

Yesterday should have been a recovery day.

I grinned over the pop quiz in History, thinking about the most recent history in my bedroom.

She was so confident.

And daring.

Would have never thought she'd tie me up.

"Mr. Cullen? Is there something amusing about your quiz?"

I looked up to find Mr. Jefferson watching me from his desk. I shook my head before hovering over the paper, busily scribbling the answers so that I could go back to thinking of what else Bella might like.

She said spanking.

Concentrate.

Lincoln. Or Hamilton?

Right. Concentrate. Due Process Clause was the Fourteenth Amendment, right?

Would she like more?

What though?

There was so much that I didn't want to do with her. Was this my lifestyle, really?

Shit. Gotta finish this.

I filled out the last question and returned to my desk to contemplate what it was that Bella and I did this weekend.

Nothing like…

No this was more.

She and I had a deeper connection. This was so much more.

She was more.

More affectionate.

More alive.

More willing.

Just... more.

I had no reason now to think this desire was all in my head. Bella was right. If I was not normal, then neither was she.

I grinned all the way to her classroom at that thought.

Perhaps being normal was overrated.

Looking at Newton strike out with Lauren again by his locker, I was sure of it.

They were as boring as boring got.

But Bella.

She was nothing short of spectacular.

Watching her come out of her class with a large smile on her face to greet me, I knew we were the lucky ones.

A quick kiss and we were off to the lunch room, the ever present rain keeping us from finding a spot all to ourselves in the privacy of the forest.

Probably for the best.

I could say I didn't want to relieve myself the pain in my jeans. It didn't mean I wouldn't try if we were alone.

I settled down at the table behind Mike just as he was starting some story about his substitute teacher in English.

"Dude, Eric! She was hotter than hot! She was like sex on two legs!" he was saying.

"They should have a rule that all teachers be ugly and old," Jessica muttered, tearing the lettuce out of her sandwich with vicious tugs.

"Or men," Lauren added. "Who are hot and looking to tutor."

Bella rolled her eyes next to me and took a bite of her sandwich.

"She's pretty, but weird. All smiles and cool eyes. Like she's waiting to see you screw up," she said around her sandwich.

"How did she know who you were, Bella?" Mike asked, turning around to look at us as we ate.

She shrugged and swallowed.

"She came into the bakery I work at this weekend. Weird lady, getting all up in people's business like a gossip," she said and then looked pointedly at Lauren and Jessica.

"Well, she can gossip about me all she wants. She is hot!" Mike continued and turned back to Eric to discuss all the things he'd like to do to her.

It didn't take long.

He really was boring.

"So you had a sub? I guess that's some excitement over Mr. Varner," I said, making conversation.

She chuckled and nodded.

"She was a lot more energetic than Varner. I did like the assignment she gave us," she said and took a long sip of her water before continuing.

I may have missed the first few sentences, I was still thinking about her lips on me after watching her suck on the water bottle.

"But she wants to try and get Mr. Varner to turn in the best essays for some scholarship," she was saying. "It'd be nice to have that in the fall."

I frowned and pulled my head back into the conversation.

"We haven't really talked much about after we graduate," I said, feeling the panic start to rise at the thought of her going away to some far away school while I settled into U-Dub.

She put her sandwich down and regarded me for a moment before touching my cheek softly.

"I don't know, Edward. I sort of screwed up my application process for college by moving and everything. I was going to try for community college for a year, or maybe cooking school," she said and her eyes seemed to convey that she wasn't going far.

She wanted to stay close.

With me.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her voice whisper soft.

"I'm going to University of Washington," I replied and shrugged. "Undecided major, but Carlisle insisted I stay close."

Bringing him up made us both frown.

"Well now we can figure something out together," she replied and squeezed my hand in reassurance.

The rest of the day passed quickly, and since she hadn't spent much time with her dad in the last few days, I reluctantly dropped her off at home, wishing for that little bit of peace we had experienced over the weekend.

She leaned into the car and offered me a wicked smile.

"Charlie is working an overnight, so if you want to come back after dinner, you can," she offered. "Just let me know. I'll leave the window open."

She winked before rushing towards the house, not wanting to get wet.

As I drove, I thought about all the things we could do that didn't require her becoming more sore.

Leave it to Emmett to pull me from those delightful thoughts.

"Dude, what the hell did you do to Bella?" he said loudly, laughing as he did so.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frustrated at his boisterous laughter.

"She kept groaning in class when we were in gym today," he explained with a gleam in his eyes. "A little too much stretching this weekend?"

"Fuck off Emmett," I growled, seeing Esme in the corner of my eye by the door to the kitchen.

"Boys, please try to be nice to one another," she said and turned back towards the kitchen, where I could smell dinner already cooking.

I looked back at Emmett and stared him down.

"If you don't want your cheerleader knowing that you told your family about what you like to do with her, then you'd better leave Bella alone," I threatened.

His eyes widened slightly for a second before he remembered he was bigger than me. But he nodded and patted me on the shoulder.

"I like this new side of you. All you had to do to get some balls was to use them finally," he quipped and then pulled away before I could deck him.

"I mean it, Emmett," I reiterated. "Leave her alone and don't embarrass her."

He shrugged and disappeared upstairs, leaving me to go face Esme. I was sure I'd get a lecture about respecting a girl and whatever.

"Can you ask Bella and her father over for dinner one night this week?" was the lecture I got instead.

"Why?" I asked cautiously.

Esme raised her eyebrows and laughed.

"Well, if you two are getting serious, the parents should meet," she said and then paused, taking a long breath. "It would be nice to have company, all right?"

I felt guilty suddenly.

Esme had to put up with so much, and now that Carlisle was gone, she didn't have anyone in town to talk to.

Well, except Alice.

And that was weird.

I still didn't really know how they knew one another.

"I'll ask," I finally replied. "But he works a lot of late nights, Mom. I'm not sure his schedule will fit with dinner."

"All we can do is ask," she said and smiled softly. "I really like Bella, and Chief Swan has always been cordial to me. It would be nice to get to know both of them a little better."

I sighed and nodded, knowing it would happen eventually. Chief Swan already suspected I was odd. An awkward dinner would only add to his feeling about me. Emmett would probably blurt something out and cause him to draw his gun on me for deflowering his only daughter.

That thought gave me pause as I climbed the tree to her window later that night.

Did he have really good aim with that gun?

On moving targets?

Because I could run pretty fast.

"What're you doing out here?"

I looked up to find Bella at the window, looking like some Juliet in the moonlight as I climbed up to greet her. She giggled and helped me into her bedroom, kissing me as soon as my feet landed in the room.

"You said you'd leave the window open," I murmured against her lips.

She giggled again and pulled away, drawing me with her towards the bed.

"You can come through the door now, Edward. I think we're past sneaking into innocent girls' bedrooms," she teased.

She pulled me down beside her and nestled into my shoulder, groaning slightly when her leg squeezed my own.

"Are you still sore?" I whispered, clenching my jaw at how that had come out.

I wasn't asking for permission to have sex, I was truly concerned that she was still sore.

She smiled up at me and nodded.

"I think I need to work out more," she said. "Or we need to stretch beforehand. And I don't think we have the patience for that."

I sat up and kicked my shoes off, looking down at her beautiful form as it lay there, happy and content as she watched me move.

"Roll over on your stomach?" I asked, rubbing my hands together briskly to warm them.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, only a little cautious.

"Something I should have done yesterday to make today easier," I replied and leaned down to kiss her pouting lips before motioning her to turn over.

She let out a sigh and did as I asked, laying on her stomach with her arms cradling her chin.

I ghosted over her body as it lay there, in just a tank top and some underwear. It was a testament to my will power that I didn't strip and take her.

She was incredibly distracting.

And aching.

"We should do this after every time," I explained and moved her tank top up her back so that she lay exposed to me.

She hummed when my warmed hands slowly moved down her back, kneading where I knew she was sore.

"Oh, wow," she moaned and let out a long breath. "Yeah, we can do this a lot."

She moaned again as I moved down, my hands enveloping her perky ass, kneading it and rolling my thumbs through the muscles that connected her ass to the backs of her thighs.

"I should take care of you, Bella," I whispered, watching as she tensed and then relaxed to my loving touch.

She sighed and shook her head slowly.

"You do already," she mumbled.

"I want to do more," I replied quietly and leaned down to kiss her softly on her cheek. "I want you to know I would do anything for you. Whatever you need, I'll give you. I want to always see you happy."

"Me too," she murmured and I could tell she was slipping into slumber.

I worked on her legs gently, a occasional soft groan or a contented sigh the only sound in the room.

When I was sure she was asleep, I stripped down to my boxers and drew up the covers, laying beside her, watching her sleep. She was peaceful in her sleep, no nightmares or talking encounters to speak of.

Which made me only a little sad.

I liked it when she talked.

But I liked the tender smile on her face more.

Bella was happy.

And that was everything.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: *snort*... I reread this and realized how weird it was for Edward to say the word "sub" while referring to the mystery woman... I'm tired, leave me alone! It was funny! and a little creepy... *snicker***

**More soon!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	58. Chapter 58

**Hello Again. Busy week. I could blame Brit Boys… but why would I blame them for making me happy after a craptastic week? Nope… Brit boys were not to blame for the delay. Just RL. **

**Just Like Heaven- The Cure**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 58: And she was smiling.**

**BPOV**

This week was going by so slow. I'm not sure if it was because I was eagerly anticipating the weekend, and by weekend I meant more of Edward, or that the week was just really dragging. And with the assignments and lack of any alone time at either of our homes, it seemed that Edward and I would combust before the end of the week.

At least I would.

Edward seemed to be handling it very well.

Or he was putting up a good front.

Or he was in the bathroom a lot that I didn't know about.

But he was careful the first few days to avoid any real physical time with me.

Like I was some fragile thing.

Like he'd break me.

If only.

I was ready to go breaking stuff, damn it.

I was only really sore the first day back at school.

And who knew, I might need to just keep working at it to not get sore, right?

Like when you start a workout routine. Until you had put your body through its paces, you only stayed sore.

I needed to work this kink out.

Repeatedly. Over and over. And over.

In whatever kinky way Edward would let us.

But every time I wanted to take things a little further, we would be interrupted by Emmett, or Charlie would arrive home, or Esme would insist on us studying in the dining room.

It was exasperating.

So the week dragged.

So much for a daily workout routine.

Edward stayed away most nights, except that first night that he had come and given me a massage. He had remained with me the entire night, sneaking home just as the sun came up. He had probably gotten grounded in some way.

That's why he wasn't pushing his luck with messing around, I was sure.

Of course, _he_ had awakened a desire in me.

And now, as I sat in English class trying to write about my dreams and desires, I couldn't think of anything but Edward.

Of us.

I looked up from the blank sheet on my desk to find Ms. Denali watching me.

I looked back down quickly, a little freaked out by her attention.

She was all smiles and had been way too chatty with me all week. She was nice enough, but I couldn't understand why she would want to single me out. She seemed to ignore everyone else in class and always seemed to look right at me when she spoke.

Maybe she was just lonely. She was new in town and all.

I shrugged it off and went back to my paper.

Dreams and desires.

Probably not a good idea to write about wanting to molest Edward in the janitor's closet.

So instead I wrote about my joy in baking, and how I wanted to become an owner of a bakery like Jasper. It took me until the end of the class period, but as I stepped up to her desk when the bell rang, she looked it over with a bright smile on her face.

"This looks amazing, Bella!" she said excitedly, her brilliant teeth dazzling me and making me blush.

She really was very pretty. All the right angles and curves and skin to kill for.

"Thanks," I said, a little embarrassed.

Most teachers just ignored me.

"You really are quite talented. I see big things coming from you," she said and smiled again warmly. "I think if we worked on this, you could get that scholarship."

I looked up into her pale blue eyes.

"You think so? That would be incredible. I really need something like that to get into a good school eventually," I replied, my own excitement growing.

She nodded and sat a little straighter, showing off just how pretty she was just by sitting there. I felt a little plain and awkward sitting next to someone so sure with herself. She just seemed to exude self-confidence.

If I could ever be like that in front of more people, maybe I could go far.

"I would be happy to help you. The deadline is this next Monday," she said, still smiling.

"Oh, do you think we can get it done that soon?" I asked, worried now I would need to get it polished quickly.

"Well, I am sure you can work on it at night, work it around your other activities. And if I can get you something to revise over the weekend, then we might be able to," she said.

I nodded and smiled, excited about the possibility.

"All right. So if you can, come see me after school and we'll work on an outline. It needs to be about four pages, so you have work to do!" she said and stood up, straightening her skirt.

I looked at the clock and realized Edward would be waiting for me.

"I need to see if my boyfriend is cool with me staying," I said and pulled my bag tighter to my shoulder.

She patted me gently on the shoulder and looked down at me with a reproachful look.

"Will he pay for school? I don't think so. Sometimes you need to do things for yourself. If he cares, he'll understand," she said.

I shook my head.

"Oh, he'll understand. He just needs to give me a ride home. He'll have to wait for me," I explained, not wanting her to think I only did what my boyfriend told me.

She nodded as if she understood and motioned me to the door.

"He can always come and wait here while you and I work," she suggested and smiled again.

"I'll ask. I'm sure he'll be okay with it. Thanks Ms. Denali," I said and practically skipped towards the lunchroom, finding Edward already at our table with his lunch.

"You took a while," he said as I sat, brushing his lips to my temple. "I was about to go looking for you."

"Sorry, my English teacher wanted to talk with me," I said apologetically and pulled out my lunch from my bag.

"The hot one?" he teased and wiggled his eyebrows as he took a bite of his sandwich.

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my banana, shutting down his teasing look when he saw me slowly peel it.

Edward was so easily distracted.

"She wants me to stay this afternoon to work on my essay for the scholarship," I said, watching him as he watched my fingers move. I paused in my work, long enough to let Edward come back to reality.

"Um, yeah. Okay," he stammered, and then chuckled when he realized I had caught him ogling my banana peeling skills. "I have to pick up some things from the hospital for Esme. I can come back and pick you up."

"What do you have to do at the hospital?" I asked worriedly. "Your dad won't be there, will he?"

The last thing I wanted was for him to go there on his own and have his father manipulate him into a funk again.

"No, he's not in town," Edward said soothingly. "But Esme has been rushing around all week back and forth from Port Angeles and there are papers that Carlisle left for her I guess. It's all kind of hush hush."

He was frowning again as he spoke, and I knew he was worried about what was going on with Esme and Dr. Creepy. She was spending a lot of time in Port Angeles, and so far Edward had only come up with the excuse of handling paperwork for divorce as her excuse.

It had to be upsetting.

He had even mentioned he felt to blame for their break up.

I had spent most of Tuesday arguing that he hadn't made Dr. Creepy sleep with that woman, Tanya.

"I'm sure its just paperwork to deal with their marriage and stuff," I replied quietly, not wanting to have this discussion in the middle of the cafeteria.

He smiled weakly and pulled apart his sandwich, quiet as he sat there. We were quiet for the rest of lunch, Edward picking at his lunch as if he was no longer hungry.

The bell rang, drawing him out of his funk and as he tossed out his half eaten sandwich, he drew me close to him and kissed the top of my head.

"Go work on your essay. I'll swing by when you are ready to leave," he said and smiled down at me happily.

He turned towards the Biology class, keeping me close by his side as we walked.

We were just about to step into the classroom when I glanced past him, seeing Ms. Denali standing near her own classroom, her eyes intent on us.

And she was smiling.

She really was kind of weird.

I hoped this session would go fast.

As much as I wanted that scholarship, I didn't want to become that woman's new best friend or anything.

I forgot about her during Biology class, concentrating instead on our project. Edward had been taking care of Flour Child all week, so we had to clean up our journal a little and part of the class was a demonstration from each team about how we had learned a little about our special needs child.

I won't say I wasn't a little embarrassed when Edward discussed blindfolding.

_Yeah. _

I watched as Jessica and Lauren narrowed their eyes at me at the suggestion of being blindfolded with Edward. And Mike raised one eyebrow and grinned like Edward was a god in the bedroom.

Well.

_He was_. It's true.

But they didn't need to know that.

"So you see, you can blindfold a subject, make them experience everyday things without the use of their eyes and they can get a feeling about how it must be to be blind," Edward concluded, remaining so calm and sure as he sat beside me.

"Great report, Edward," Mr. Banner said. "How did you find the experiment, Bella?"

It was possible to blush brighter.

Could it cause fainting?

No such luck.

"Um, it was interesting," I mumbled. "Everything is more intense. Your other senses are much more heightened."

I heard Lauren snicker behind me.

Mr. Banner seemed to ignore her.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed. "Everything that can help take over for the missing sense, it will. Touch will be more sensitive, hearing more acute. Even your sense of smell and taste will be magnified."

I was waiting for the blush to knock me out.

And Edward was smirking as he looked down at his paper.

I'm sure every one knew what we were about.

Mr. Banner took pity on me and moved onto Jessica and Lauren, leaving me to slowly cool my heated face while they droned on about their project. Edward's hand slipped across my leg to squeeze it. I looked over at him, and his eyes danced with a playful energy that made me forget how uncomfortable I was over our project.

My hand made its way to his and I smiled at the feel of his fingers wrapping around mine.

Edward always made things better.

The bell rang finally and as I made my way to gym, Edward stayed with me, walking me until we came to the gym doors.

"So call me when you want me to pick you up?" he asked, leaning in to kiss me sweetly. "Remember we have dinner with your dad and my mom tonight."

He grinned and stepped back, leaving me to think of all the things I wanted to do after I met with Ms. Denali. I hoped I didn't get to sweaty in gym, and I hoped I could get through with the essay super quick.

So as I hurried into my English class, I was surprised to see that Ms. Denali wasn't there.

Did I wait for her?

I sat in one of the seats close to her desk and waited for several minutes, feeling like the idea of standing up Bella Swan was a trend somehow in this town.

I was preparing to leave when Ms. Denali came in through the door, an apologetic look on her face.

"So sorry, Bella," she said soothingly. "The principal caught up with me on my way back, talking about needing me to stay through next week."

"Oh, well that's great!" I replied.

"Yes, Mr. Varner hasn't been released from the hospital," she said and then her eyes widened and she blushed. "I wasn't supposed to say anything."

"I won't say anything," I assured her, feeling bad for her embarrassment.

She let out a relieved breath and settled into the chair at her desk.

"Thank you, Bella. I'd hate to lose this job because I let it slip," she said and seemed to relax in her seat, concentrating on me once more. "So, should we get started?"

I nodded and pulled out my notebook, ready to hear anything that would help me write this essay a little easier.

"So let's start with basics, Bella," she said, her fingers steepled together in front of her. "They'll want to know a little about you and why you are choosing this path in life. So tell me a little about yourself. Does your mother let you cook at home? Did you learn from her?"

I laughed and shook my head, and went into the history of failed cooking attempts my mother forced upon us through the years. I talked about how I pretty much took over cooking and taking care of myself before I was even ten. She listened intently, laughing when I laughed, eyeing me curiously when I remarked on moving to Forks.

"So your parents are divorced?" she asked, a slight frown on her face. "That must be rough, not having a mother figure in your life. And your father's a cop? That must make things really strict at home. Very structured."

I shook my head, thinking about all the things I had learned about life because my parents were who they were.

"Not really," I said. "My father is very protective of me, but he treats me like an adult, which I appreciate. And my mom, even with her flighty ways really helped to ground me."

Ms. Denali was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"So you are pretty independent," she stated, more to herself than to me.

I shrugged.

"I guess so, about most things," I replied. "I think some things I have to be, while others, I enjoy someone else taking the lead."

I smiled to myself at the memories of Edward taking charge.

I liked that.

"Well, I suppose that is why you will succeed in anything you do, Bella," she said, grinning. "You have to have some strong authority to run your own business. I wouldn't have thought you so independent just looking at you though. That's a nice surprise."

I shrugged again, embarrassed at her comment.

"I just like to keep things to myself. It's only recently that I feel more at ease with letting my feelings show," I mumbled and smiled down at my paper again.

"Being in a relationship with a nice boy might have something to do with that," she said and smirked when I looked up at her in surprise.

She shook her head and laughed.

"He's cute, that boy you're with," she commented. "A little possessive maybe, but I bet you can handle your own."

I frowned at her words.

"Edward's not possessive," I said. "He cares about me. But he lets me do what I want."

She nodded and looked away dismissively.

"Of course," she replied quickly. "I didn't mean to say he ordered you around or anything. He just seems really into you. That's nice. I'm sure he enjoys how independent you are as well. Sometimes guys like a woman who can take charge. It takes a load off of them. It's too bad he didn't come and stay while you worked. But I'm sure he has lots of things he could be doing besides watching you all day. So anyway. How about baking. Let's get some words down on why you want to be a baker."

We didn't talk much after that, except whenever I wanted to ask about sentence structure or if I was on the right path in my writing. After an hour, I had the beginnings of something Ms. Denali thought would be worthy of a scholarship. She offered to look it over that night, and as I left to text Edward, she was smiling and waving me goodbye. She hopped into her car, the same I had seen that day at the bakery.

I liked her. A little weird, but so was everyone else in this town.

And she cared about me, and how I could succeed as an independent person. No teacher had really done that before. I could even see myself like her one day.

Strong. Independent. Not that I wasn't already.

She was just more so.

I felt bad that I was glad Mr. Varner had remained in the hospital so that she could stay and teach.

I could learn a lot from someone like her.

Edward arrived a few minutes later, smiling as I slid in to my seat beside him. He leaned over and kissed me slowly, humming into my lips when he felt me lean into him. His hand roamed, finding their way under my shirt to tease me, fingertips tickling up my stomach until warm palms found their favorite place over my breast. I moaned into his mouth, wanting to simply drown in the feelings he was producing. When he pulled away, his eyes were dark and needy.

But he had pulled away, which of course meant that one teasing hand grope was all I was going to get.

"Maybe we can just let our parents have dinner without us and we can go hide at your house for a while," he mused, his eyes trailing down my body while he licked at at his lips.

I pretended to scowl at him, even though I thought that was a much better idea than having to listen to Charlie and Esme chat about us while we sat right in front of them.

His eyes traveled back up my body, regret at not having more time alone clear.

It was tempting. Ditching our parents.

But not very wise. Who knew what they would discuss without us there.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, pulling out onto the street towards his home.

"You're right," he said, sighing dramatically. "Leaving them alone would only cause us more trouble. I just hope Emmett behaves himself."

I kept quiet at that.

I hadn't thought of Emmett.

Oh boy.

Charlie would have to be on his best behavior around Esme.

I somehow doubted Emmett would be.

This could be more entertaining than I thought.

**~~oo~~**

**AN: what could Ms. Denali be up to? **

**More soon. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	59. Chapter 59

**Evening/Morning/Goodday!**

**Wow, so many thoughts on Ms. Denali! And why Edward hasn't seen this hot sub yet. I'd say his eyes and mind belong to someone else, why should he be concerned with some sub? Hehehehe.**

**So let's see how dinner goes… and stuff….**

**Evil Woman- ELO**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 59: The _hot_ sub.**

**EPOV**

I may have taken my time to get to my house. I knew as soon as we arrived, I wouldn't be able to hold her the way I wanted to. So I drove unbearable slow, taking the long route, all the while keeping my free hand comfortably in place along her thigh. I could feel how hot her inner thigh was with the gentle stroking of my middle finger.

If only we could just find one of those logging turn offs and spend some time alone before dinner.

Judging by Bella's lusty eyes, she was game.

Too bad my mom had texted to ask when I would be home.

With a drawn out sigh, I turned up the driveway, gripping Bella a little tighter until we were safely surrounded by the garage walls. One brief kiss and we were stepping into the house, only to be surprised by what we walked in on when we entered the living room, hand in hand.

Esme and Chief Swan were already there, chatting on the sofa in the living room. Esme was laughing as we entered, her hand on the Chief's arm until she saw us, turning her smile towards us.

No, that wasn't awkward at all.

Esme grinned and jumped up from her spot to come greet us, the Chief moving a little more slowly as he stood and stretched. I glanced at him for a moment before Esme grabbed my attention, his stance more casual than I would have imagined.

"Why don't you take Charlie outside and help start the grill. I thought we'd have steaks. Bella and I will get the vegetables started," she said and pulled Bella from my hand and to the kitchen.

Leaving me alone with the very scrutinizing Chief Swan.

"A little late getting here," he said casually as he followed me out the side door to the deck outside.

I noticed he didn't have his uniform or his gun on.

That didn't make me feel much better.

Cops knew all about subduing and stuff with their bare hands. And even with the slight beer belly he was sporting, I knew Chief Swan could take me down if he deemed it necessary.

"Bella stayed after today to work on an essay project for English," I explained and opened up the gas grill, preparing to clean it off.

Chief Swan leaned in and inspected the grill, nodding in approval.

"This sure beats my Coleman grill," he commented, his moustache wiggling slightly before I realized he was actually smiling at me.

I tried to smile back, but it felt odd.

He didn't say anything but watched as I cleaned off the grill with the wire brush as it warmed up.

"So things are going well, then?" he asked.

I had no idea what he was referring to so I just shrugged and kept working.

"With Bella, I mean. She's not ordering you around or anything? She can be pretty domineering about things sometimes."

I swallowed hard and shook my head.

"No, Bella is great. We seem to have a really good relationship," I said nervously. "You know, partners I mean."

He was quiet again as I worked. He simple stood there watching me drinking from his beer.

Sometimes no words are more powerful than actual words spoken.

How did Esme think this was a good idea?

Was Bella having as much trouble inside with my mom?

Was this their plan all along?

Get us alone for some big life changing discussion.

"So Esme tells me you've been accepted at University of Washington. Means you'll be moving to Seattle," he continued.

Here it comes.

"Yes. That's the plan anyway," I replied, wiping my hands with a towel.

The Chief watched me for a few more minutes before dropping the question I was preparing for.

"So what do you think that means for you and Bella? She didn't really think about colleges until she moved here," he said and crossed his arms in front of him.

I looked down and shrugged again.

Of course I wanted Bella to come with me.

Find something that she wanted to do. Go to culinary school. Get a job working in a bakery if that is what she wanted. Go to college.

Anything.

"Well, I think that's why she's trying for this scholarship, sir," I said slowly. "I mean, I don't know. We've talked about it a little. But I don't want to lose her, sir. She's important to me."

He nodded again and that smile that hid behind his moustache appeared again.

"Well, we'll see come summer. Still a long way off," he said and turned to go inside.

Even without a gun, that man was intimidating.

He was right though. We had to think about that eventually.

And as much as I didn't want to lose Bella, I didn't want to lose my chance at going to college either. I thought again about what Bella had said about her substitute teacher trying to help her with this essay. It seemed odd that a sub would do that for a student she barely knew.

I snickered at the word sub for a moment and shook my head to get it back on track.

Bella needed to get that essay finished and it needed to be good. I supposed we would have to work on it over the weekend. She had said something about the teacher giving her the edits tomorrow for the weekend. We could concentrate on that this weekend.

Definitely.

Bella needed this. And I could help.

By behaving or helping to write it, or providing inspiration.

What ever she needed, I'd do anything for Bella.

I smiled down at my hands at the thought of doing anything for her.

Chief Swan made his way out with a plate full of steaks in one hand, a new beer in the other, that strange smile appearing on his face again.

"So, Edward. Do you like fishing? Esme was saying you didn't spend as much time on sports as your brother does. Which might explain why you seem more mature than your brother," he said and I could hear the animosity in his voice.

I cracked a smile and took the steaks from him, laying them on the grill.

"I've fished before. I'm not very good, but yeah. I'm not anything like my brother," I said, watching him regard me carefully.

"Your brother is a but of a trouble maker," he said and took a long drink from his beer. "Always looking at the girls and chasing them around. I've been called in a couple of times now since you've moved in. I suppose that's why I was worried at first when Bella mentioned you. But I trust her judgement. She's a really good judge of character. And if I remember right, she knew Emmett for who he was right away. No she can read people."

I covered the steaks and leaned back against the rail, my own arms mirroring the Chief's folded arms as we stood and stared at one another as the meat sizzled away.

We eventually talked a little more about fishing, his eyes lighting up when I talked about fishing in the ice cabins in Alaska. It had been more of an obligatory outing with Carlisle and Emmett to serve as male bonding time. But it had been cold as fuck and all we caught were colds.

Still, it entertained the Chief and by the time we stepped inside with our cooked steaks, he was patting me on the back and that weird smile was a little more genuine.

At least until Emmett sauntered in.

Well, he sauntered and then he froze in wide-eyed terror when he saw the Chief.

"I didn't do it! I swear Chief Swan!" he exclaimed.

And the weird smile was back.

At least it wasn't aimed at me.

I was learning that this was Chief Swan's mischievious smile.

"Sit down, Emmett," Esme said in her brusque fashion. "Charlie and Bella are our guests tonight."

Emmett looked from the Chief to Bella and swallowed hard, opting to sit next to me at the table. I supposed that was safest. If Bella had sat next to me, I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands to myself, even with the Chief sitting across from me.

Hey, he wasn't carrying a gun tonight.

I could at least hold her hand without getting tackled, right?

I smiled at Bella's amused smirk as she sat down beside her dad and we quickly set to work on dishing out the meal. Emmett and Charlie eyed one another over the mashed potatoes while Esme made small talk.

"It's so nice to have you over finally, Charlie!" she was saying. "Ever since Bella came over that first night, I've wanted to tell you what a wonderful girl she is!"

I smiled at Bella's blush as she tried to hide it, concentrating on cutting her steak.

"Well, this is truly nice, thank you," he was saying, the friendly smile radiating at my mom. "Your son has been a welcome guest when he's over at our house. I have a lot of faith in Edward. You raised quite a gentleman in him."

It was Bella's turn to smirk while I felt their eyes watching me.

It felt good though. The chief trusted me.

He didn't judge me wrongly or accuse me of hurting his girl.

He trusted me.

Even if maybe I had been less than gentlemanly on more than one occasion in his house.

I felt Esme pat me on the arm and looked up in time to see her wink at me, proud of me.

"Well, I am proud of my boys. Emmett has a full scholarship to Texas next year. And with Edward off to Seattle next fall, I'll be able to figure a number of things out. I might even start designing again!" she said, the first brilliant smile I had seen light up her face in some time.

Was that what she had been doing in Port Angeles? Reconnecting with her interior designer routes?

The Chief asked her a little about what she used to do before coming to Forks, and she opened up to share her love for interior design. I learned more about my mom's life in those few minutes than I had in a decade of living with her.

It was a little strange knowing that she seemed to open up and share so much more of herself when the Chief was there. I had never seen that with Carlisle. She had always been docile around him.

Passive.

Subservient to some extent.

I frowned into my mashed potatoes at the thought of Esme having ever lived the kind of life Carlisle and I knew.

I could never see her like that.

Funny how she seemed so normal in the company of normal people.

I wasn't the only one to change it seemed.

I tried not to think about how much more vibrant she was in the Chief's company.

They'd never be more than friends.

Right?

Awkward.

I caught Emmett looking between the two of them, his fork often freezing halfway to his mouth when Esme would laugh at something the Chief would say. He'd then blink and glance over at me, shaking his head slightly before finally eating.

Definitely awkward.

"So, Emmett," the Chief said, changing the subject of conversation suddenly. So sudden it made Emmett jump hearing his name. "Texas? What are you going to major in?"

Emmett looked at him like a cat looks at a wild dog and tried to form some kind of sentence. What came out was more a grunt than anything else, making the Chief's smile widen.

Still mischievious, and maybe a little evil.

I could see where Bella got her sense of humor.

"Emmett," Esme prompted and then turned to the Chief, rolling her eyes. "Well, certainly not public speaking. I think he was thinking about Sports Medicine, right?"

Emmett frowned suddenly and shook his head.

"That was before," he muttered and poked at his steak. "Not sure I want to go into medicine now."

An awkward silence descended on the table, Carlisle's presence there even when he was absent. The Chief finally cleared his throat and turned slightly to Bella, smiling down at her proudly.

"Edward was just telling me about this essay you have, Bella. For some sort of scholarship? I didn't know," the Chief asked, looking at Bella with more love than I had ever seen from Carlisle.

Bella's blush reappeared and she swallowed what she was eating, glancing at me with a slight pout.

"It was sort of sudden really. I didn't even know about it until Ms. Denali mentioned it to me a couple days ago," she said.

She jumped in her seat when Esme dropped her fork on her plate.

I could only blink.

What? Who had she said?

"Who did you say?" Esme breathed, the blood drained from her face.

Bella's eyes had grown wide at the alarm on Esme's face.

"Um, my substitute teacher, Ms. Denali," she stammered, glancing at me and blanching when she saw my reaction.

No.

No. Nononononono.

"Her name is Denali?" I asked, my throat suddenly very dry.

She nodded and looked between Esme and I, growing more nervous.

I felt numb. The panic and outrage had frozen my lungs, chilled my bones.

She was here.

Here.

And talking with Bella.

"What's wrong? How do you know Ms. Denali?" she squeaked.

"Alaska," Esme growled and stood suddenly, throwing her napkin onto the table and storming out of the room, throwing open the kitchen door so hard it left a dent in the wall.

The Chief was up now, following her into the kitchen, his own napkin still tucked into his shirt collar.

"What did she mean by Alaska, Edward?" she asked, shifting in her seat while I still remained frozen in mine.

"Hot _sub_ is _Tanya_ Denali?" Emmett asked loudly, looking around the table at Bella and me.

At mention of her name, Bella's eyes widened and she let out a startled gasp.

"Wait!" she whimpered and stared at me. "Tanya? No. You would have seen her!"

I shook my head and finally found my will to move. I stood up from the table, my hands in my hair.

What was Tanya playing at?

What the fuck was Tanya doing talking to Bella?

Esme came back into the dining room and was beside me in an instant, grabbing at my arms to hold me so she could look into my eyes.

"Edward! Think! Before we leap to assumptions. You had to have seen her? Tell me that bitch isn't in that school! That she isn't…"

I broke away from Esme and looked over at Bella again, who looked like she was about to throw up. I shook my head and looked over at my mother again.

"I haven't seen her. I just heard about her when Bella mentioned it, but I haven't seen her, Mom! I don't know if it's her!" I said, pacing again.

What the hell was Tanya doing her?

Had Carlisle asked her to come down?

And befriending Bella?

"How could you not see her, Edward?" Esme said, narrowing her eyes at me. "It's a small school. You can't tell me this is the first time you are hearing her name!"

"Mrs. Cullen, please," Bella said pleadingly, still barely standing at her seat. "I don't think he has been around her. It may not be her, right? Maybe someone else? She wouldn't be that stupid, would she? If it is her…"

She was trembling now. I couldn't tell if it was fear or rage. Her eyes had narrowed, but she was pale and shaking.

"Bella," I said and moved towards her, her eyes widening when I stepped close to her. "What does she look like? Tell me. What does your substitute look like?"

"Does anyone else find it funny that Tanya's the _sub_?" Emmett said from his seat, looking at me. "Get it? Sub? Like…"

"Shut up, Emmett!" Esme and I both said together.

I turned back to Bella, whose face was now blossoming into a bright red. Her breathing was heavy and she was trying to pull away from me.

"She asked me about you," she said, her voice suddenly very low. "Told me you were possessive and controlling. I can't believe I didn't see! Why didn't I see?"

"Bella, what did she look like?" I said again, ignoring what she had said for the moment.

She swallowed and sagged in my arms, another whimper escaping her mouth.

"Pretty," she croaked. "She's really, really pretty. Blonde and beautiful."

"The _hot _sub," Emmett said and shut his mouth when I glared at him.

"This is the woman from Alaska? The one that hurt you, Edward?" Chief Swan asked, all business.

He had stood as well and had thrown his napkin down from his shirt at some point. He didn't look pleased at all.

"She's no right to be in a high school, Charlie. She's a predator. I just," Esme stammered and then collapsed into her chair, crying. "That bastard brought her here! He knew it would break me. He brought her here to hurt us."

"Mom," I said, trying to hold both Bella and turn to touch Esme, to let her know it was okay.

She shook her head and covered her eyes to hide her tears.

"He's never going to stop, Edward. Asking him to leave was like a slap in the face to him. He refuses to see my attorneys and tried to blackmail me to come back," she said into her hands. "It's never going to stop."

I felt Bella slipping from my arms, and as I turned I could see the Chief moving to take her into his arms, a stern look on his face when he regarded me.

"I need to go investigate this. If this woman is in town, chances are she is stalking both of you. I need to find her and ask her some questions. And see if this is your husband's way around his restraining order. We'll need to talk about how best to protect your family, Esme. If he is responsible and trying to manipulate you," he said.

Esme nodded and wiped at her eyes again.

"I thought he'd be reasonable. I should have known better. He never liked being told what to do," she muttered.

I knew that first hand.

"Well, I'll find out what's going on. Don't worry about that. In the meantime, I need to be sure Bella will be safe," he replied,eyeing me hard, conveying to me in that one look that he expected me to be the man he assumed I was.

That I would take care of his daughter.

Watch over. Protect her.

All those solemn vows fathers request of suitors.

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"Esme," he said, slipping Bella back into my arms so that he could squat in front of my mother to get her attention.

She lifted her head slowly, wiping at her eyes.

"Esme I need to go, but I don't want to leave Bella at home alone," he said softly. He looked back at Bella and I and frowned. "Can she stay with you until I come back? It might be awhile, but I'd feel better if she was with you, in a guest bedroom."

He glanced at me for a moment to be sure I understood.

I wasn't going to argue with him that she would be just as safe in my bedroom as in a guest bedroom, so I ignored his comment, listening to Esme agree to letting Bella stay. He thanked her quietly and then stood up, looking at me squarely, the moustache back in cop mode.

He didn't need a gun I realized then. He could kill with a look.

"I'm trusting you to take care of her, Edward. While I'm gone. I'm trusting you," he said pointedly, as if his cold hard stare weren't enough.

"I'll take good care of her, sir," I replied, holding his stare.

He seemed to believe me and nodded, leaning in to kiss Bella who was watching the whole interchange with heated eyes.

"I want to go with you, Dad. I want to tell her exactly what I think of her!" she hissed.

He let the hard demeanor crack just a little, enough to offer her a sad, fatherly smile and touched her cheek soothingly.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Bells," he said softly. "I'm not ready to arrest you for committing a crime. I think I can handle this."

She made to argue, but he shook his head again, looking away from her and back to Esme.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Hopefully Principal Jennings has her address on file. I'll get to the bottom of this," he said and looked back towards Esme. "I'll call you as soon as I hear anything. Just keep the doors locked. I don't trust your husband."

"Neither do I," she said and stood to walk him to the door.

As soon as they were out of the room, Emmett let out a low whistle.

"Who would have thought Tanya would come down here looking for you Eddie. And talking with your current girlfriend. That's gotta be weird," he said, taking a bite of his steak.

"Emmett I swear to god I'm gonna junk punch you if you say anything else," I seethed.

Bella held me a little tighter, reminding me that I needed to look after her first, even if my brother was a tool.

I glared at him as I walked her out, turning her towards the staircase that lead up to the bedrooms. Esme caught us just as we climbed the first couple of stairs.

"I'll make up the room near yours, Edward. Bella can stay in your room until I do that," she said and eyed me sadly before turning to Bella. "I'm so sorry you got involved in all of this, Bella. I don't know what Tanya is trying to prove, but it can't be good. She can't be trusted."

Bella nodded and moved with my up to my room, where I closed the door before lying down in bed beside her. She laid there on her back, hands folded at her stomach, looking up at the ceiling with a deep frown on her face. I was afraid to touch her, for fear that she might fall apart at my touch.

But I wanted to.

So badly.

Wrap my arms around her and make her forget everything that was fucked up about my life.

My life that was now ruining hers.

Was there even a scholarship?

Or was Tanya using it as a way to lure Bella in.

Into what exactly?

What the fuck was Carlisle trying to do?

Bella didn't say anything for some time, and didn't look at me as I lay there with my head propped on my elbow, watching her process. It seemed like an eternity of her gazing blankly at the ceiling. Never at me, just at nothing beyond us. When she did speak, her voice was barely a whisper.

"I trusted her," she murmured. "She seemed so nice. So interested in my future."

"She is good at being friendly," I muttered and clenched my mouth closed suddenly at how that sounded.

Bella turned her head to look at me, her eyes betraying the hurt she must have been feeling.

"She's really pretty," she whispered and swallowed hard.

"But you are beautiful," I replied, holding her gaze so she understood I meant it.

"So is she."

"But you are more beautiful. Do you know why?"

Bella was more _everything._

She didn't answer me, wanting me to say the words.

"You are more beautiful because I love you. Because I see beauty all the way to your soul. She could never be that for me. Because she doesn't understand what love is. You do in so many ways. You are _more_ beautiful inside and out."

Her eyes closed, avoiding the message in my own.

Did she doubt me?

"She said those things about you," she started and looked back to the ceiling. "She thinks she knows you."

I frowned at her words.

"But she doesn't," I said. Bella offered me a weak smile but kept her eyes on the ceiling.

"No she doesn't. Some things maybe," she whispered and her eyes were sad again. "But not the important things."

I leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead, in hopes of wiping away the wrinkles there. She closed her eyes softly and let out a soft breath.

"She doesn't know your heart," she whispered.

I moved slowly and brushed my lips to hers.

"No, only you know my heart," I replied quietly.

"She doesn't know your needs," she said, and I felt her hand slowly slide up my side, ending along my neck.

"You do."

She smiled against my lips as I leaned in to kiss her again.

"She doesn't know your desires," she murmured.

"That's because she doesn't know you," I said and covered her lips with more need.

Everything I wanted, needed, desired came back to Bella.

My kiss deepened, her being there under me a welcome diversion from what we had just discovered. But I could feel her hesitate, her body not as willing in molding to mine as I kissed her. I pulled away slowly to find her frowning again.

"What's wrong?" I asked and smoothed away her hair from her forehead.

"I just feel invaded," she said and shrugged into the blankets a little, like she was trying to cover herself from that exposure.

"That's how Carlisle works," I explained and moved away from her a bit, back onto my elbow to give her room. "He tears down any hope or security you have and he strikes when you are most vulnerable."

She toyed with the top of the blanket, eyeing me cautiously.

"Is that what Tanya did to you? You never really said why you got together with her, aside from needing someone to fill the void Esme had opened up when she went back to work," she said.

I swallowed and thought about it.

Had Tanya seen how bad off Carlisle and Esme were, and used me to take advantage of that?

Had she thought Carlisle would leave Esme, and when he didn't she moved in on me?

Had she never cared about me at all?

I already knew she didn't.

It didn't help heal that feeling of being used.

"She offered me something I needed I thought," I started, trying to think back to the first time she propositioned me at my dad's party.

She had been so easy going, chatting about Carlisle and how she missed coming over to visit.

Had Esme known then and forbidden her from coming over?

And then she had brushed her hand along my back. Even now I could feel the shiver that had run through me when she had done that.

"She used my physical weakness to get in," I whispered, feeling a creepy chill run through me.

All the time I had thought about our relationship, I had thought Tanya had felt something for me, based on how my body reacted to her.

But now that I had experienced something so much more with Bella, I realized what she had done to me was empty and violating.

Truly invasive.

Because she had used me.

And now she was trying to use Bella.

"So why is she concentrating on you now?" I asked out loud.

"To break us up?" I suggested.

She frowned again and shook her head. Her hand was absently stroking through my hair, making it difficult to concentrate.

"I mean maybe, but she seemed to want to know what my desires were," she said, thinking hard. "She wanted to know why I wanted the things I wanted. And commented on how a woman needed to take charge."

"But I was the controlling one she said," I stated, remembering what she had said downstairs.

"So why should I be the one in control if you already were?" she asked, more confused it seemed.

I tried to think of all the possibilities that Tanya would want to get close to Bella, even with the threat of all of us finding out.

Breaking us up.

Warping Bella's mind to be a Domme to my sub tendencies. To rein me in.

Priming Bella for something more perverse between Carlisle and herself.

But that didn't explain why Tanya wanted Bella to be strong and independent. To be in control.

Carlisle would never want that.

He'd want someone who would never say no.

Or.

Perhaps.

Maybe Carlisle didn't have Tanya to push around anymore.

Maybe Tanya had taken charge.

Maybe...

Tanya wasn't the bad guy?

Huh.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: huh… exactly… Guess we'll have to wait for Charlie to get back. And maybe get Tanya to explain herself. Would we believe her? Or should we let Esme knock her back to Alaska?**

**More soon!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	60. Chapter 60

**Hello again! Slow updates, I know. One more tech week… one more… its my new mantra… **

**Music might just be because of my mood… but maybe Bella is cracking her knuckles… preparing…**

**Break Stuff- Limp Bizkit**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 60: He's just a _normal_ boy.**

**BPOV**

"Bells?"

I sighed and shifted in the warmth of the blanket, wondering why I couldn't feel Edward against me. He had been right there, fingers running through my hair a moment ago. My eyes opened groggily to the darkness, cut through by a light in the hallway.

Not our hallway.

Not my bed.

"Edward?" I called, unsure of where I was.

"Time to go home, Bells."

My eyes opened a little more to see Charlie sitting on the edge of the bed, a dark silhouette against the light from the hall.

"Where's Edward? What happened?" I asked and sat up. "Did you find her?"

He slowly stood, as if the effort to do so was too great. He nodded and let out a sigh.

"What time is it?" I continued.

"It's late, Bella," he said and I could hear the weariness in his voice. "Come on. I want to take you home."

I slid out of the covers and straightened the bed whiel he stood by the door and watched me.

"Esme can do that, Bells."

"She took the time to fix it for me," I started. My voice dropped off when I heard his frustrated huff.

"It'll be fine, really."

I turned to see the irritation in his face.

Charlie was rarely irritated like this.

"What happened? Did you talk to her?" I asked.

"We can talk about this at home," he said, his tone clipped.

He glanced out in the hall and motioned for me to get moving.

I knew he got crabby when he didn't get his sleep. And perhaps learning about how I had been manipulated had really set him off.

Maybe he had to run Tanya out of town.

I hoped so.

Because if he didn't, I was going to.

One swift kick at a time.

She had no business being anywhere near us.

I followed Charlie down the stairs to find Esme at the bottom, her face unreadable as she watched me move towards her.

"Thank you for letting me stay, Esme," I said and moved in to hug her. She hugged me lightly and stepped away almost immediately. I looked at her in question, but her eyes were already concentrating on Charlie beside me. They seemed cool and detached.

"You will let me know what happens?" she asked simply.

He didn't say anything, he simply nodded.

I glanced past Esme to find Edward standing in the doorway leading towards the kitchen. His hands tucked into his jeans, his eyes downcast.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said, hoping to get his attention.

I wanted to go over and hug him, tell him it was all right.

But something in his glance towards me made me stop. It was... defeated?

Charlie had his hand at my elbow, drawing me towards the door without delay.

"Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Bye, Bella," he murmured and continued to look at the floor.

What the hell had happened while I was asleep?

I turned to ask Charlie just that, but the firm set of his jaw and the hand on my elbow froze my throat. He mumbled goodnight to Esme and pulled me out into the darkness towards his cruiser. I glanced back to see Esme at the door, leaning into the frame and watching us with sad eyes.

"What happened, Dad?" I asked as I slid into the front seat.

He shook his head and started up the car.

It wasn't until he had turned onto the road that he let out a long breath and shook his head.

"There's _a lot_ I didn't know," he said into the night.

"What do you mean?" I asked, watching him hard and suddenly feeling a little panicked. "What did she say?"

He shook his head again and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

"You said he had _issues_," he said and frowned.

"And that she _abused_ him," I replied, worried now. Was there more? Had he not told me everything for fear of me running?

"You didn't tell me what he _did_ _with_ her," he said, grimacing.

I was confused. I had told him in very general accounts. He didn't need to know the specifics. It wasn't any of our business, no matter how much I knew now.

What mattered was that she had hurt Edward. And now she was here. Plotting.

"Because it didn't matter, Dad," I reiterated, turning in my seat to watch him fully now. "_She_ abused _him_."

Charlie's hands tightened around the steering wheel until his knuckles were white.

"But I had to learn _how_ by her," he said and glanced at me. "And to learn the how… and what… the things she described... I can't even begin to understand."

I grew more and more uneasy.

"It's not something to understand, Dad," I said. "Because it's not who he is."

I watched as Charlie's stiff demeanor morphed into a wince before turning into something like pain on his face.

"He hasn't done that to you, has he?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"What did she say exactly?" I asked. Was it worse than Edward had said? Was it more than what I understood in my limited capacity.

Why hadn't I asked more? Or looked it up to learn for myself?

"Is the whole family really that messed up?" he questioned, more to himself than to me.

He wasn't going to tell me specifics, perhaps to protect my sensibilities? Well that was just wrong.

Everything was just...wrong.

"What she did to Edward was wrong, Dad," I insisted. "What Dr. Cullen is _doing_ is wrong. Edward was just caught in the middle of it all. The whole situation is messed up, Dad. Dr. Cullen has that family so turned around. I don't get it most days."

He glanced at me and swallowed hard.

"You need to keep your distance from him, Bells."

I grunted and looked out at the road.

"I don't want to be anywhere near Dr. Creepy, Dad. That's the point of the restraining order," I grumbled.

"I didn't mean Dr. Cullen, Bells."

My head turned slightly, and the look on his face said it all.

Uncomfortable regret.

I blinked at his words.

"No," I stammered. "You mean _Edward_?"

"Please don't argue with me, Bella," he said and looked back to the road, his face hardening. "I don't know what to think of it all, but it makes me uncomfortable. Learning what happened, it's a little much, Bells. They were into some weird stuff, the whole lot of them. And to think of how you are involved…"

"How am I involved?" I hissed. "When you won't even tell me what that twisted bitch said!"

His flaring nostrils told me maybe I had overstepped.

"What I am trying to say, Dad, is that she can't be trusted," I continued, a lot calmer. "Yes, what she and Edward did was crazy, but that's not him. He was vulnerable and she preyed on him. She used his weaknesses and played with him."

"Poor choice of words, Bella," he growled and pulled into our driveway.

He shut off the engine and turned to look at me hard.

"She told me she came down here initially to mess things up for Edward and Esme, to get back at them for whatever happened. She said she thought that Dr. Cullen was going to move back with her. But when she got here, she realized that Dr. Cullen wanted to cause enough trouble to convince Esme that they all needed to move again. He wanted Esme back, not her. He just needed her to help. Force the situation to his will. He has a thing about controlling them," he explained.

"Sounds about right," I huffed.

It didn't explain Charlie's change of heart towards Edward.

"And then she said she saw you with Edward, and how he was portrayed the same traits that Dr. Cullen displayed when she first met him," he continued.

"You mean when he started cheating on Esme?" I shot back. "When he decided that being with that woman was more important than his family? That…"

"Do you want to hear this or not?" he snapped. I closed my mouth and let him continue.

"Bells, I know she was wrong. Unfortunately, I can't arrest her for coming into town. Nor for what she did to Edward. I can only make sure she doesn't do it again."

"What do you mean she saw the same traits as Dr. Cullen in Edward," I pressed. "He is nothing like him."

"He spends all his time with you. He is a little possessive about you. He defies authority to be with you," he said and frowned at me.

So he knew that Edward snuck into my room.

"That doesn't make him like Dr. Cullen," I argued.

"She said he keeps you close at school. That you felt nervous about staying after school without asking him…."

"Because he drove me to school, Dad!" I retorted, exasperated. "And which would you rather me date,Dad? Someone who cares about what I am doing, and that I am happy, or someone that is overbearing and maybe beats me for fun?"

He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Bella, I am still trying to get my head around the fact that this town has turned into some kinky refuge camp, let's not talk about beating people for fun," he replied wearily. "I really don't want to think about all the things that go on behind closed doors now. Not after what she told me goes on behind those doors."

"Edward cares about me, Dad. He was afraid he'd hurt me," I said and closed my mouth.

Yeah, awkward.

"So he doesn't like to hurt for kicks?" Charlie asked, and again that uncomfortable look crossed his face.

"No, Dad."

"He hasn't done anything that's weird or makes you uncomfortable?"

"No, Dad."

"Has he made you do things that you wouldn't have done with a normal boy?"

"He is a normal boy."

"You and I both know there's more," he chided.

"And I am eighteen and can do what I want,Dad," I shot back. "Do you really want to know about my sex life?"

His face contorted into the most awkward face, like he had swallowed a lemon and he waved his hands around.

"Please, no. No."

I sighed and tried to calm him down.

"I'm okay, Dad. We care about each other. Anything else, and it's really none of your business," i replied gently.

"If I find my handcuffs missing…."

I ignored his comment.

God forbid he should ever learn about Edward's spoons.

"He's not like that," I said instead. "He cares about making me happy."

He eyed me as if to gauge that I was telling him the truth.

That hurt a little, to see the doubt in his eyes.

Charlie had always trusted me. I supposed it was hard to take everything in. I had been a little overwhelmed too.

"What else did she say?" I asked quietly.

Charlie shrugged and looked out towards the house.

"Tanya Denali seemed open and willing to discuss everything that happened," he continued, still grimacing. "She came to do as Dr. Cullen bid, or whatever those people call it between that master and servant stuff. And then she met you, and she realized that you were simply another version of her about to be trapped in a relationship the same as she had been."

"I'm nothing like her," I reiterated. "And Edward is nothing like Dr. Cullen."

"So why would she go against his wishes and try to help you out? That's what I don't understand. What made her change her mind?" he asked, a concerned look on his face. "She was trying to help you with that scholarship. She said she wanted you to have better. She really made them all out to be twisted individuals and she was a victim. She didn't want to see you be a victim."

"I don't trust her, Dad," I said. "No matter what, she has an agenda. And I doubt it was to help me do better. I doubt there was ever a scholarship. She just wanted to manipulate me like Dr. Creepy did. To see if I could be. Maybe she was seeing if I could handle, Edward. I don't care. She violated him, and she violated me. I wouldn't want that scholarship now, just on principal."

He sighed and moved to step out of the car.

"It doesn't matter now," he murmured. "She won't be at school anymore. Too much scandal for the town. Like I said, I can't arrest her. But she won't work in this state, or anywhere that does a check now. And now there is an open enquiry to Dr. Cullen, thanks to Principal Jennings being on the City Council. I doubt he'll remain in town much longer before the city council insists on having his licence revoked."

"As it should be," I said and stepped out of the car with him and followed behind as we made our way to the house.

He opened the door, turning on the light before turning to me, his face troubled still.

"So why won't you let me see Edward?" I asked, watching his face grow more solemn.

He grew more awkward as he stood there, avoiding my stare.

"Dad?"

"I just don't understand it, Bells. Abuse or not, what they did was unfathomable. And if he was exposed to that, who's to say he doesn't still," he said and paused, looking up at me finally. "I trust your judgement, Bells. But if he thinks that's how you treat a girl…"

"Dad," I said forcefully. "He's not like that. That's what Dr. Cullen wanted him to think. Wanted all of us to think. He's just a _normal _boy."

Charlie grunted and pulled me in for a hug.

"That doesn't make me feel any better," he grumbled and then sighed heavily. "I know you are a good judge, Bells. But you'd tell me if anyone hurt you? Even Edward?"

I hugged him back.

"I would, Dad," I whispered. "Edward is a good person, Dad. Please don't make him think that you don't trust him. He gets enough from his father."

"I don't trust any boy with you, Bella. But I'll try and behave," he said and pulled away to offer me a tired smile.

"Come on," he continued. "It's been a long night, and you have school tomorrow. You need some sleep."

I said goodnight and slipped into my room, not really surprised when I turned to find Edward standing beside the window. With a slow click of the lock I found my way into his arms and stayed there for sometime, the two of us silent as we simply held one another. With the sound of snoring next door, Edward finally broke the silence.

"He told me to stay away," he croaked. "But I couldn't. Seeing your reaction when you left…"

"It's okay," I whispered, brushing my fingers across his lips. "I talked to him. He didn't understand."

"I can't lose you, Bella," he murmured.

"You won't."

He held me a little tighter, his breath tickling my neck as he sighed and breathed a little harder.

"Tomorrow," I murmured. "We'll still be together tomorrow. And things will change. We're not going to let anyone manipulate this anymore."

"Yeah and how do we do that?" he asked, a weak chuckle vibrating in his chest.

I pulled away to look up into his searching eyes.

"By being true to each other. By being sure of ourselves," I replied.

"Why do you always make so much sense?" he said, his lips coming close to mine.

I concentrated on his lips, licking my own in anticipation.

"Because that's what I'd do for you. I believe in you," I whispered.

I couldn't say much more.

His lips were far too distracting.

Which was fine.

Tomorrow would come.

And we deal with it all.

The whole lot of them.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: yeah yeah… didn't fully explain Charlie's talk with Tanya. But sometimes a Dad just doesn't want to talk to his little girl about ball gags and cat o'nine tales… you know? Sometimes ignorance is bliss… too bad Chief Swan has learned his town is Kinky central. Wait till he learns about the Whitlocks and what they know?**

**Yes yes, I will discuss the Whitlocks soon enough… and Dr. Creepy… pitchforks and torches ready?**

**More soon. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	61. Chapter 61

**Hello again! So let's see what Edward's thinking… and some of you wanted to know what Charlie found out… maybe I'll explain a little here. Some of you were quite disturbed that Charlie would automatically believe a child molestor like Tanya… well… I think dear Charlie is just a little overwhelmed that maybe he misread Edward… or did he just assume?**

**Poor Charlie's allowed to have knee jerk reactions. Especially when it comes to protecting his baby girl from a flogger and handcuffs… if he only knew…. **

**Linkin Park- Somewhere I Belong**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 61: Just right.**

**EPOV**

I held Bella close after she fell asleep, feeling the need to comfort her from my life that had once again intruded on her.

Having been betrayed by someone was something she had taken much harder than Esme and Chief Swan realized. I could sense it in her stiff body as she lay there fast asleep beside me.

I knew how it felt.

Someone you trusted, whom you thought would protect you, suddenly becomes someone you detest.

I could see it in Bella's eyes. Betrayal and then anger at being made a fool of.

She would never be a fool in my eyes.

She had taken a chance with me, and supported me from the start, when she could have just as easily turned her back on be because of the complexities of my life.

I needed to start standing up for her.

I needed to show her I could handle this. Handle my life.

I held her a little closer to me, taking some comfort in her heat.

I should have been in my own room, but I couldn't bear leaving her here alone. Esme had peeked her head in at one point and let out a soft sigh, but with her under the covers and me without, I supposed she thought I would behave.

Like I would do anything with the threat of her father returning at any time.

As it was, I couldn't keep from drifting off to sleep.

Bella always relaxed me.

So when I heard the car pull up and the engine cut off, I was awake instantly and slipping from bed, careful to not to wake her. Tiptoeing towards my room, I stopped to listen when I heard the Chief's voice coming from downstairs.

His voice was garbled, but Esme's startled response was enough to bring me to the shadows at the top of the stairs to listen in.

"Charlie, you can't possibly believe her!"

He replied with something that sounded like reasonable argument.

"She was twenty four, Charlie! Edward was sixteen!" Esme exclaimed.

"The age difference is deplorable, I know, But I can't do anything because of the age of consent, Esme," he replied. "She gave me detailed accounts on their actions. And how he seemed more than willing, Esme. I can't have my daughter involved in that sort of mentality, regardless of the abuse or not."

"It wasn't his fault, please Charlie."

"So he was impressionable. I understand that. But what's to say he isn't taking advantage of Bella's innocence too? I've seen how he looks at her, Esme."

"And how does he look at her?"

"Like something to eat," he shot back.

I blanched at his words.

I thought I had more control than that.

But his next words made me cold.

"I don't want her involved with someone like that."

I didn't realize I was coming down the stairs until I saw Chief Swan turn and glower at me.

"I wouldn't hurt her," I said, standing in front of him, my heart racing at the idea of challenging him.

He looked at me for a long moment before his stern eyes softened slightly.

"I want to believe you, son," he replied, shaking his head. "But you've been twisted up in some disturbing lifestyles. I don't want my daughter involved in that. It's best if you stay away for awhile, until I can understand it all better."

I could feel the panic starting to rise.

Denied Bella?

"Charlie," Esme pleaded. "Edward is so considerate of Bella. And you can see how happy they are when they are together. Don't mistrust Edward based on the words of that awful woman, she can't be trusted."

I eyed the Chief warily.

"What did she say?" I asked.

He shook his head and the stern look was back.

"I confronted her over coming to the school. And what she planned with Bella. She replied that she was looking out for Bella, that you had issues that would hurt her," he said and shifted in his stance, clearly uncomfortable.

"Son, I don't pretend to ignore that what she did to you was wrong. It was. But what you engaged in, what she said you enjoyed, I can't allow that. I didn't know. Bella didn't tell me the complexities of your issues. And I didn't dare believe Dr. Cullen," he said.

"Tanya doesn't know what my issues are, and neither does my father," I shot back, feeling emboldened at the threat of being labeled after all the confidences I had built on since meeting Bella.

Esme stepped in and hugged me close to her side, looking up at the Chief with a ferocity I remembered when I was a child and I had come home terrified of the bullies.

"This is not right, Charlie and you know it," she hissed. "Tanya is after something, and I know my husband is at the heart of it. He wants Edward and Bella to pay for his situation. You're buying into something that has been a lie from the start."

He raised his eyebrow and took a look at me.

"Are you going to deny that you engaged in sexual acts with that woman that included bondage and…" he said, stammering and his eyebrows wrinkled. "What do they call it? S and M?"

Esme tensed beside me.

She had never really known the extent of what Tanya and I had done.

And I feared that Tanya had told him in great detail.

_Everything._

"Edward?" he asked, his voice a little weaker.

"I had no idea what I was getting myself into, sir," I murmured, seeing from his eyes the disappointment. That he had misjudged me.

"So you did those things? All that? Tying up? Whipping? Whatever the hell else you do?" he asked, the disappointment growing.

I would never be able to deny it. For all I knew she had provided pictures or video.

All the times she controlled. Subjected me to pain, and pleasure.

All the times I was defenseless.

And enjoying it.

Sick and twisted.

It was all I had known.

What would it serve to lie to the father of the girl I loved.

"Yes, sir," I whispered and lowered my gaze, feeling that strange feeling I had felt with Tanya when she chastised me. How easy it was to revert back to that role.

After all, Chief Swan felt he had all the control here.

"So the tying up? She said you did that with her. What else?" he asked, interrogating me like a criminal.

I looked down at my feet and shook my head.

If he didn't shoot me now, it was only because he didn't have his gun.

"What about the torture?"

"That's enough,Charlie. You're bringing up things we don't want to rehash," Esme said, gripping me harder.

He ignored her; I could still feel his eyes on me waiting.

"She said you liked it. That there was punishment and that you enjoyed ," he said, and his voice cracked. "I can't even think about that right now."

"She liked it that way, sir. I didn't know better. I do now," I whispered. "I'd never hurt Bella."

"You let her hit you?"

I sighed. And then nodded.

"And you touched her? _Did_… things to her?"

Again I nodded.

"And she taught you to like it. Showed you how? So that you could do it to her? She said..."

He couldn't finish.

She had told him a lot.

That was it.

It was done.

I felt completely exposed.

Vulnerable.

Raw.

"Unbelievable," he muttered and stepped past us towards the stairs.

"She did this, not Edward," Esme said, turning us around to watch as he slowly started up the stairs.

He turned and shook his head, clearly disgusted.

"But he engaged in it. Even at his age, it still matters. I'm sorry Esme, but I can't let my daughter be around that sort of depravity," he said.

She pushed away from me and strode towards the Chief, his eyes widening by her sudden approach.

"Well let me tell you something, Chief Swan," she grated. "I love my son. I know what kind of man he is. And regardless of what that whore said, I know that on the inside Edward is a loving and caring young man, who wouldn't dream of hurting Bella. He is nothing like the bastards that get off on that lifestyle, believe me."

The Chief paused and stared down at her warily.

She pushed her chin out a little and stared him down.

"Oh yes, I know all about that lifestyle," she continued. "Surprised? That someone so sweet and normal as little demure Esme Cullen could have come from something like that? I came away from that lifestyle to be who I am today. That is why I know my son has too. My son is not depraved. We are both perfectly normal loving individuals that fell into something wrong. Don't judge us because of our past."

"I…I didn't mean to say," he stammered and glanced towards me. "It's just better if Bella has some distance from all of this. She's far too sheltered and I won't see her hurt, even with your good intentions."

"Don't you think you should let your daughter decide that?" she shot back.

I had never heard Esme be so forceful.

But I appreciated it, because I could feel my world slipping away with each step the Chief took towards the bedroom upstairs where Bella slept peacefully.

"I'm still her father. I don't feel comfortable with her being involved while there is so much turmoil going on. She doesn't need to be constantly worried about this," he replied and turned to stride up the stairs, the matter settled.

Esme remained at the bottom stairs, looking up for a moment. I heard her heavy sigh, not bothering to watch as she turned around and walked towards me.

"It'll be all right, Edward," she whispered.

I shook my head and grimaced.

"Don't offer me false hope, Mom. You and I both know what he thinks. You don't change that attitude in a simple argument. That was Carlisle's plan all along. To make it so I couldn't have her. That was his plan all along," I muttered and stepped away, drifting towards the kitchen.

I couldn't handle seeing her walk out the door and away from me.

How could I possibly convince Chief Swan that I was safe for his daughter?

I reached the door just as I heard her voice, softly asking her dad what was wrong.

Hearing her voice pulled me back, away from fleeing. I was hopelessly drawn even if it pained me to witness her leaving.

I lingered in the shadow by the kitchen door, watching her as I knew I would regret.

Tousled hair from where I had touched it.

Her face a little flushed, eyes a little puffy from sleep.

Pouting out of frustration.

Esme hugging her.

Bella turning to find me, so easily, like a magnet.

She was saying something, but her words were lost.

Her last words to me.

"Edward?"

I could hear the confusion and fear.

I could see Chief Swan pulling her away.

"Bye, Bella," I said and looked up to see the comprehension dawning in her eyes.

Too late, she was out the door.

Gone.

Ripping at my heart.

Gone.

_Bye Bella._

Carlisle had won.

The fucker knew I wouldn't be able to fight.

Always the sub.

Always obeying.

Always giving in.

_She shouldn't be around you. _

Depraved.

Sick and twisted.

But she made me feel.

Feel alive.

Feel good.

Feel normal.

She made me feel right.

She fought for me.

Again and again.

What had I done?

Given up?

Time and again?

Because they expected me to?

They thought they knew me.

They _had_.

Before Bella.

This was with Bella.

There was no After.

Except Happily Ever.

That's what I wanted.

And in order to get that, I would have to step up.

Show them all.

Show that I was more than what they thought.

Better than what they labeled me.

Healed and _good_ and _right_.

"Edward? Where are you going?"

I ignored Esme.

I ignored the fact that I was probably going to look like some crazy stalker as I followed the police cruiser towards Bella's house.

Ignored the rain as it started to fall, making it harder to see them as they talked in the car.

I parked down the street, ignoring the shrubs and fence of her neighbors as I climbed and pushed.

Ignored the fact that I could very well get shot this time as I climbed to her window, slipping into the warmth and comfort of her room.

I ignored all the fears and possibilities of never seeing her again.

It wasn't an option.

Bella was right.

About everything.

She was just right.

She was right for me.

And no one could take that.

And I felt that when she closed the door and came to me, and I felt her in my arms.

She was right.

Felt right.

Just right.

Always a comfort as she whispered softly to me, telling me it would be all right.

She knew it too.

All we had to do was show everyone else.

We were all right.

Together.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awww. Boy's coming out of his vulnerable shell. Let's see him stand tall shall we?**

**Maybe he'll prove to Charlie he is worthy of his dear "sheltered" daughter. **

**More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	62. Chapter 62

**Wow, so many people are telling me how the BDSM lifestyle is… you naughty girls. No seriously, let it be known here and now that Tanya and McCreepy are NOT poster children for BDSM (they have deeper seated issues that make them who they are). And in terms of people in the story thinking it's depraved, they are about to be schooled. Relax now and have a little faith, K? **

**Updated early to keep the pitchforks at bay. And long as fudge cuz it needed to be. **

**Hurts So Good- John Cougar Mellencamp (shut it, it made me think of Charlie opening his mind…lol)**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 62: I mean, he had handcuffs.**

**BPOV**

I had a hard time falling asleep. Edward snuck out after a rather nice albeit short make out session, whispering something about being shot in the ass should he do any more. I huffed at him and threw my panties at him as he crawled out of the window.

I hoped he caught them, otherwise I'd have to search the bushes downstairs before Charlie found them.

But I couldn't sleep because I wondered how I could get Charlie to understand that what Edward and I did was nothing like whatever Tanya had said it would be. Thinking about that woman only made me see red and I spent most of the night tossing and turning with short dreams of kicking her ass.

I'm not really a violent person.

It had something to do with the coordination handicap I had.

I'd end up punching myself before I did any damage to the other person.

But damn it I wanted to kick her ass and risk a night in jail.

Charlie wouldn't actually put me in a cell.

I think.

But really, it would be worth it. And I knew for a fact that the holding cells weren't that bad.

I drifted off to a fitful sleep late, dreaming of being some super ninja karate champion that Jet Li would be proud of.

And beating the crap out of that woman that made all this the fucked up situation that it was.

I almost hoped Tanya was at school the next day.

I dared her.

In my dreams at least.

In reality, I knew she wouldn't be.

I pulled in to my parking space, Edward and I both agreeing that until Charlie cooled down, it was best that I drove myself. I walked up to Edward's car after he had pulled in, smiling when he gingerly covered our nearly forgotten Flour Child from the light mist. He looked up when he saw me approach, and I could tell he had slept about as well as I had.

"Rough night?" I asked, relieving him of our future pastry spawn.

He smirked and wrapped his arm around me, steering me towards the classrooms.

"I had the most colourful dreams last night," he said, his smirk widening as if from a private joke.

"Were they red in color?" I teased. "Because mine were about kicking ass all night."

He chuckled and eyed me sideways.

"And whose ass did you want to kick?" he mused.

"Take your pick," I muttered and held him a little closer. "If she's here today, you might need to bail me out."

His face grew serious and he shook his head.

"She's not here today. Esme called the principal an hour ago. He said she would be arrested if she stepped foot on campus," he said.

"That's too bad, I wore my boots today," I huffed and showed him the old combat boots Renee had given me.

She had thought they would be good for all the mud and tree branches I might encounter.

But really I thought of them as good kicking boots.

He chuckled again and held me a little closer. I felt his lips brush over my hairline as we stepped up to my first class.

"Do you want me to meet you here after?" he asked, and I could tell he was worrying over me.

It was nice.

He seemed to have become more protective of me overnight.

Protective. Not possessive.

Something Tanya had failed to see.

Stupid bitch.

"I'll be okay. I'll see you at lunch?" I asked.

He leaned in and kissed me softly, lingering long enough that Jessica groaned in disgust as she walked past us.

Whatever.

I enjoyed it.

"See you later then," he whispered and slowly drew away.

He waited until I was in my classroom before he turned and walked swiftly towards his own class as the bell rang. I hated that he'd be late, but the smile on his face told me he didn't care. It was nice to see that he was handling this whole situation well.

I on the other hand had trouble concentrating all morning.

Regardless of what Edward had said, I still expected to see her when I stepped into my class for English. I was tense the period before, missing most of the lecture.

What did I really need to know about the Industrial Era anyway?

It wasn't until I stepped into the English class that I felt myself relax slightly.

At least until the new sub walked in.

Just that word now made me feel violent.

And this one was young and pretty and all I could think of was that Dr. Creepy had somehow managed to call in new reinforcements.

I'd never trust anyone again.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Angela leaning towards me, her gossip face on.

"Did you hear? Ms. Denali was caught with one of the students doing some pretty kinky things," she whispered and slid her seat a little closer.

Is that what the rumor was?

Terrifying how close to the truth it was.

How was that possible?

Was the principal there when Charlie questioned her?

"She sure worked fast. I wonder who it was," she continued. "Jess thinks it was Tyler. Did you see how he looked at her in class?"

I kept quiet and concentrated on the teacher at the front of the room.

What would her trick be?

Miss Smith…

What an original name.

I kept quiet throughout class, not daring to offer this new sub any chance of learning about me.

I wondered if Edward would recognize her.

I half wished I had asked him to meet me now.

Of course I'd hate to know if he did recognize her.

Dr. Creepy could still cause me to be uncomfortable, even with him following the restraining orders.

The bell rang, and I rushed out, straight to the lunchroom where I found Edward already waiting. He watched me as I made my way towards him, his smile faltering a little when he saw how tense I was.

"What's wrong? She wasn't there was she?" he asked when I slid in to sit beside him.

I shook my head.

"No, but there was another woman there," I muttered. "Who knows who she is? And there's rumors about Tanya sleeping with one of the students."

He nodded and pulled my hand into his lap, leaning in to kiss my jaw.

"I heard. Tyler and Eric were talking about it. They're just rumors. I don't think they can make any connections. What did the teacher look like?" he asked.

I looked up just in time to see Miss Smith and Mr. Banner walking in together. I pointed towards her and watched as Edward surveyed her.

"Never seen her before," he said and looked back down at me with a smile. "I think we can take her off the ass kicking list."

I pretended to pout at him and pulled out my lunch, glancing every now and then her way, just to be sure that she wasn't spying on us.

I still didn't trust her.

Who goes by Miss Smith anyway?

Besides people named Smith?

I wasn't letting down my guard.

I relaxed a little in Biology. We watched a movie on genetics, which really meant that Edward could tease me with his fingertips tracing along my thigh for an excruciatingly long thirty five minutes without allowing me any sort of relief.

Never was a janitor's closet more in need at the end of class when I looked up to see his dark eyes.

I could skip gym.

Who needed to run laps with my tripping dysfunction?

"Your dad's here."

My perverted thoughts of sex in a closet vanished instantly at Edward's words.

I turned to see where he was looking and frowned when I saw my dad, in full uniform standing in the hall speaking with Mr. Banner.

If he had plans of separating us, I was going to go ballistic.

"Ms. Swan, your dad is here to take you to your doctor's appointment," Mr. Banner said, smiling benignly.

Doctor's appointment?

I glanced at Edward, who had lost that lusty look in favor of one more suited to a morning after heavy drinking. He was almost green. Charlie stepped in and waited while I gathered my bag. I tried to ignore the stares from the rest of the class.

It was already awkward being the Police Chief's daughter. Now I was being picked up like I was in elementary school.

What was his game?

"Call me later?" Edward whispered as I stood.

I nodded and pushed FC towards him.

"Watch after him? I'd rather not cart him around, wherever I'm going," I murmured.

He nodded and watched me as I walked towards my dad, who was staring me down until I stepped out into the hall. Charlie was all business.

"What doctor's appointment, Dad?" I asked as we stepped out into the cool afternoon air.

"I spoke with Esme this morning, to apologize to her for last night," he started, looking straight ahead so as to avoid my gaze.

"And?" I asked, impatient.

His mustache twitched and he glanced my way, a little abashed.

"She suggested this. That maybe we could understand what is going on a little better," he said.

I slid into the passenger seat of the cruiser and waited before putting on my seatbelt.

Waited for more of an explanation.

"What doctor, Dad?" I said finally when he wouldn't continue.

"Esme knows a doctor. Someone who understands this issue. Esme's been seeing her, as well as Edward," he said haltingly and swallowed nervously.

"You mean Alice Whitlock, Jasper's wife?" I asked.

His eyes darted to mine as if in shock.

"I understand a lot more than you realize, Dad," I huffed and put my seatbelt on.

"She's married to Jasper the pastry guy?" he asked.

"How many Whitlocks do you think there are in this town, Dad?" I said, questioning his investigative skills now.

He shook his head and pulled out, mumbling something about not knowing people anymore.

We were quiet the entire drive there, pulling up near the entrance of the hospital. Charlie took a long breath and held onto the steering wheel for a long time before finally speaking.

"Look, Esme says Edward is not like what Tanya Denali painted him as. I believe her, I just am not sure how all this has affected him, and you," he said and stared at his knuckles gripping the wheel.

"Then maybe you should sit down and talk to him rather than treat him like a criminal, Dad," I said, earning me a pained scowl from him.

"I didn't treat him like a criminal," he argued. "Not really."

I opened up the car door and closed it, watching him get out slowly, watching me.

"You didn't listen to him or treat him like a person that needed guidance or support either, Dad," I replied. "He hasn't had a good father figure in his life, and right when he thinks he is making headway in gaining your trust for who he is, you go and believe someone that should really be in jail. I don't get you sometimes."

I turned and started towards the automatic doors, only to be brought up short when I nearly bumped into the one person I really didn't want to see.

"Bella," Dr. Cullen said, a fake smile on his face. "I can't very keep the prescribed distance if you feel the need to stalk my place of work."

"We're here for a reason, Dr. Cullen. All you have to do is step aside."

Dr. Creepy's smile faltered at the sound of Charlie's voice, a cold glare passing over me to what I assume was directed at my dad.

"Of course, Chief Swan," he said and then turned back to me. "I certainly hope it is nothing serious, Bella. I would hate to hear that something bad had happened to you."

"I'm sure you would," I hissed, feeling my temperature spike.

So badly I wanted to just tell him I was coming in to get birth control so his son could have me any time.

Probably not the best thing to say in front of Charlie.

That appointment was for another time.

"Excuse us," Charlie said and I felt his hand on my shoulder guiding me around the creeper.

Every time I saw him, he made me feel unclean.

I couldn't imagine Esme or Edward living with that every day.

Now I understood why Edward was so withdrawn sometimes.

I tried to shake off the interaction with Dr. Creepy when we got in the elevator. But it was a short ride up three floors and immediately I was thinking about what Alice Whitlock would have to say about all this. Surely she couldn't say anything about Edward's treatments?

Or was this supposed to be an intervention for me?

Did Charlie think I had a problem?

"Bella! So good to see you again!"

I noticed Alice at the office doorway, a bright smile on her face as she beckoned us in.

Charlie held onto his hat and shuffled in, looking around at the pictures on the wall. It looked like Alice and Jasper had been all over the world.

"Have a seat you two," she said, her voice bright and cheerful. She didn't seem like she was about to confront this weird elephant in the room.

I sat in the comfortable wingback she had set up in the center of the room, facing two other chairs, a plush arm chair that she sat in, leaving Charlie with an older looking arm chair that he sat in rather stiffly.

She pulled out a note pad and I had to wonder if this was like what Edward's sessions were, sitting in comfortable chairs and hopefully just talking.

I glanced around and didn't see one of those sofa loungers anywhere.

"So Chief Swan," she said, looking intently at my dad, notebook resting on her crossed legs and pen in hand. "What brings you in?"

He blushed and cleared his throat, looking at me like he wanted me to say.

_No clue, Dad._

She looked from me to him and back again and slowly placed her notepad on the side table, folding her hands in her lap lightly before she spoke.

"I am sure you have questions and concerns. I know much of what you have found out in the last few weeks," she said, looking at me. "And particularly last night."

How did she know? Did Esme call her?

Or Edward?

Did Edward talk to her about me?

I mean I know he did, but did he_ talk_ about me?

She turned her eyes to Charlie and continued.

"And I am sure you have concerns based on some of what you know, however little or stilted it is," she said and I watched Charlie's mustache quiver again.

"I just need to know my daughter is going to be safe with someone like Edward," he mumbled.

I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Someone like Edward?" I asked heatedly.

Alice remained quiet and turned back to Charlie, an inquisitive look on her face.

He swallowed and cleared his throat.

"You know what I mean," he stammered and wiggled his mustache again nervously. "Someone who's experienced all that."

"All what, Dad?" I asked, overly innocent.

"You know," he said again.

I held my ground and stared at him blankly.

"Apparently she doesn't," Alice said with a small smile. "Or she is waiting for you to say it out loud. Sometimes by not saying it, you can pretend it doesn't exist."

"Fine," he said roughly. "All the things he experienced with that woman, then. All the bondage and crazy kinky things that normal people don't do. How am I supposed to feel she's safe around someone that experienced that sordid lifestyle?"

Alice raised her eyebrow and pursed her lips.

"I see this is going to be a little more complicated than I had thought," she said and then turned to me. "Bella, would you be so kind as to wait outside until I call you back in. I think this particular matter should be addressed in two separate sessions, and then perhaps we can speak together again."

I glanced at my dad, who suddenly looked a lot paler than his usual pasty self. I nodded and all but ran for the door, not sure I wanted to hear what she was going to say to Charlie.

I hoped she was going to ream him a new asshole for being so closed minded and judgemental.

I had never pegged my dad as a prude, but had thought that maybe he knew his way around sexual exploits.

I mean. He had handcuffs.

I shook that thought out of my head in disgust and sat stiffly in the waiting room, surprised that the magazines were actually current. A lot of fashion magazines I didn't really get into, although the Cosmo had an interesting article on making your man want more.

I was pretty sure Edward didn't need help on that front.

We just needed place and time.

I sighed and closed my eyes, wondering how long it would take to deprogram my dad from his prehistoric views on sex. I was impatient to get this solved, get Tanya out of town and hopefully move forward with our relationship. As long as Charlie distrusted Edward, it would be awkward around the house whenever he came over.

And I had a few questions for Alice on my own.

I had been thinking about talking with her since I had learned whom she was.

I had questions about my own fears and desires.

And how they worked or didn't work with Edward's issues.

Not really_ issues_. Preconceived notions of his issues.

I still maintained that what he liked to do was completely normal.

Of course I was curious too.

What had Tanya said to Charlie to make him judge Edward so badly?

Had she told Charlie more than I knew?

Like what Edward got off on?

Or maybe Edward hadn't told me everything about what he liked, afraid he'd scare me.

To be honest, I knew very little about what people who liked that lifestyle did, or how healthy it was. Maybe it really was wrong? Something that fulfilled a traumatic event in their life, maybe.

Like being abused as a child. Or not loved enough.

That gave me pause, knowing how Edward's issues stemmed from feeling unloved or losing the affection of his mother as a child.

So maybe people who did that sort of thing had deeper issues than simply liking a little tie up and spanking. What else did they do?

I was well out of my league.

Perhaps Edward really did have other desires I didn't know about and he was terrified of losing my affection because of it.

I was so confused. How could it be so mainstream then? Or as least ore understood. If it was bad, then why was Tanya free to go about as she pleased if she hadn't messed with Edward?

Was his view of it all completely slanted by someone else's bad approach to it?

Certainly what that bitch had done was wrong, because of his age, regardless of any excuse of age of consent. He was still too young. But was it bad if the two people were consenting adults? Again, I didn't have a clue, because I didn't know to what extent Edward had gone with her.

So far everything we had done together was good in my book.

But it was also just a couple of days' worth of exploration.

What happened if Edward brought out the whips and chains?

Did they really use whips and chains?

I needed to research this, probably not something I could do from home or at the library.

Maybe at work on my break.

We had wi-fi.

That was probably not the best idea.

Could you imagine what Jasper would do?

He was odd enough. What happened when he caught me Googling bondage?

I needed someone who understood it, and wasn't insane like Dr. Creepy.

Someone like Alice.

"Bella? You can come in now."

I opened my eyes to find Charlie shuffling out again, his forehead wrinkled in that way he did when I asked him questions about Trigonometry. He was completely and utterly confounded.

Was that good?

Crap.

What if I had all this wrong and I was about to admit to some sexual perversion?

_I liked the ice! _

She wouldn't ask that, right?

"You look nervous, Bella," Alice said and I tried my best to look more relaxed.

I don't think I achieved it by the smile on Alice's face.

"What did you think about out there while I spoke with you father?" she asked.

I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"That I hoped you told him Edward was normal and that maybe I needed to do some research," I mumbled.

"Research on what?"

My face felt like it was on fire.

"On everything Edward did," I murmured, barely audible to my own ears.

"Ah, well I can tell you that most information you will find on the Internet is misleading and disturbing if you look in the wrong places. I can give you some sites to look up if you are serious about it," she said, making me look up at her in surprise.

She laughed and settled into her seat, notebook forgotten.

"Does that surprise you?" she asked. "That I would offer you information about this subject?"

I nodded and fidgeted in my seat under her gaze.

"I just didn't think you'd recommend me to learn more," I mumbled.

"It would be better to know what it is about by trusted resources than by learning from someone or something that has it all wrong for the wrong reasons. That's how we are in this predicament to begin with," she said and watched me as I tried to process.

So was she saying that Edward was messed up, or that Tanya was?

I knew_ she_ was.

But Edward. I could never think that.

"So you want me to tell your father that Edward is normal?" she asked.

I bit at my lip and nodded.

"I know what he went through changed his views on things, but I don't think Edward is a deviant or perverted," I said and adjusted in my chair a little. "He's not like that with me."

She was quiet for a moment and when I looked up at her, she was eyeing me thoughtfully.

Did she know what we did?

No, she couldn't. He hadn't seen her yet since we first…

Or did he talk about what he wanted to do?

He wasn't your average boy, I knew that. But did she know more?

Did _everyone_ know more than me?

Did he tell her things that she knew were wrong, and now she was wondering if I was just as odd as he was?

"So what do you think is a normal sexual encounter, Bella?" she asked finally.

I paused and thought about it, all the while quite aware that she was watching my reaction.

I didn't really like talking about sex with her I suddenly realized. I barely knew her and it felt like I was betraying Edward's privacy by talking about it. But I also knew that this was her specialty. And she knew Edward, and his desires. So maybe she was trying to see if we were right for each other.

What was normal?

"Sharing something that you both want to do, without hurting the other in the process," I said, watching her smile turn up on one side.

"So do you think that pain is not allowed in a consensual sexual relationship?" she asked, her face unreadable except for that tiny smirk.

I shrugged.

"I don't really like pain, so for me it would be no," I replied. "That seems more like abuse really."

"What if your partner liked a little pain?" she asked, shifting in her chair casually. "Would you say it was wrong if, let's say, your partner liked to be spanked?"

"Well," I said, pausing. I didn't think spanking was the kind of pain I was thinking of. "I don't see that as wrong. But something more I might have a problem with."

She nodded and tapped her lips with her index finger as she thought.

"So a normal sexual relationship to you is a consensual agreement between lovers to enjoy one another and what they may enjoy doing together?" she asked.

I nodded.

Sure.

That sounded right.

"Do you know what BDSM is Bella?" she asked, her voice so matter of fact, regardless of the conversation.

I swallowed and remained quiet.

I didn't really want to show her just how little I knew.

She smiled tenderly and continued.

"It's all right, Bella. Most people who don't participate in the community don't really know enough to define it," she said simply. "What do you think it is, using whatever words you can think of when you hear it?"

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

This is what I wanted to talk to her about right?

So why was I so nervous? And she was so calm and controlled.

"Control," I said outloud. "Um, I know there is dominance over someone. And giving in. And things you might not normally do."

I sounded like an idiot.

"Do you feel comfortable talking about the things?"

Boy was I glad my dad was outside for this.

"Tying someone up?" I offered, feeling better when she smiled and nodded.

"Anything else?"

"Um," I said, stalling. "Blindfolding?"

She adjusted in her chair and continued to smile at me.

It wasn't mocking, more like two girls talking about something their boyfriends did the night before.

"Those two particulars are things people outside of the community participate in quite often, but it is common in BDSM as well," she said and sighed. "Let's first discuss the clinical definition. BDSM encompasses bondage and discipline play, so that covers things as simple as tying up, securing someone so they cannot escape, and disciplining them for actions that the Dominant may feel were not met to his or her satisfaction."

"So, spanking and whipping," I suggested.

She smiled and nodded.

"In simple terms yes," she answered, her smile broadening. "I don't think that is something that you and Edward will be participating in. But some Dominant/submissive roles may venture into your interactions."

"I don't think he wants that," I said, shutting my mouth before I told too much.

She would ask him I was sure.

"You don't think once in a while he won't want to be in control, or want you to take control of the encounter?" she asked.

"Well, yeah. I guess," I said.

"That in its simplest form is the D/s relationship. But you're right, I doubt he will want that relationship to go much past simple switching of roles once in a while. Some people in the community live teir D/s relationships 24/7. It's their desire to live that way. And some just choose a place and time to act in this way," she explained.

Okay. So so far, tying up and acting a little dominant was okay.

"The last part is what more people take issue with when they regard the BDSM community," she said. "Sadism and masochism are perhaps the most misunderstood parts of the community. There's others, but for simplicity sake, let's just say that S & M is perhaps the most extreme that you might encounter."

"That's the enjoyment of pain," I said.

I knew a little.

I think.

"In simple terms, yes. The sadist likes to inflict pain. The masochist enjoys receiving it. It sexually excites them. But they are not into it to cause permanent damage. There are rules," she said.

"So that community is not really weird or freaky or anything," I stated, a little confused.

Dr. Creepy and Tanya were definitely freaks.

"I'll tell you what I told your father, Bella," she said and sat a little straighter. "Couples that engage in BDSM are for the most part highly intelligent, well-balanced individuals who have particular tastes in a certain genre of sexual activity. They want something more to their activities, but there are limits and standards to this. Couples don't engage in activities that make their partner uncomfortable to the point of not enjoying the act."

She paused to make sure I understood.

"But what Tanya did to Edward," I started and she put her hand up.

"We won't talk about Edward's situation with Ms. Denali," she said gently. "I told your father the same thing. I think if he is all right with it, you might sit in on a session with him, because I think you need to understand his perspective. There is a lot going on with that particular situation. But I will say that what he experienced was not a healthy BDSM relationship. And sadly that happens, and it damages those involved."

My heart fell a little.

"So you think Edward is damaged. That he's not normal," I whispered, crestfallen.

She let out a loud bark of a laugh, startling me.

"Oh Bella," she said between her laughter. "If he was an issue, I wouldn't have let you walk out with him that day I met you. People put far too much emphasis on what they _think_ is normal."

I sat there a little flustered.

"Let me put it to you this way, sweetie," she said and leaned forward, leaning into her knees so she could talk a little more quietly. "If you are happy, and you enjoy what happens between the two of you, then you are both normal. It isn't normal when it becomes something that can't be equally shared, or when the other gets hurt. You have a very healthy and caring relationship with Edward from what I can see and gather from conversations with him, his mother, and even your father."

"But my dad doesn't want me to see him," I said.

She leaned back and smiled.

"What father is not going to worry about his little girl?" she asked and then grew much more serious. "You have a unique situation, because the abuse is such that your father feels that it may be still a part of Edward's being. I will tell you both that Edward is stronger than that. Your father just needs a little time and education."

"Education?" I asked, confused.

She smirked and nodded.

"I think it's important to read up on something you don't know much about, don't you? Your father has some links to read up on. I'll give them to you as well. The lifestyle doesn't have to be like what you have heard about or seen. It is actually quite fulfilling to those that practice it. And it is all consensual and well structured. There are safety nets and strict guidelines to what can be performed. When it isn't, when the partnership is no longer a team play, then it is abusive and no longer really BDSM. It's abuse," she explained.

"You know a lot about it," I said in awe.

"It's my job to know," she said with a smile that made me feel so much more comfortable about talking about this with her. She made it sound like she was talking about preferring Coke over Pepsi.

I could see why Edward was always so happy when he left from his sessions.

She made it easy.

"So if I have questions?" I asked.

"I am always happy to answer them," she said. "But it's important for you to keep the communication lines open with Edward. If you two are open and honest, then anything you do together will be a good experience."

I picked at the hem of my shirt, thinking.

Wondering.

"So, if say we've done some stuff that we both like to do, but might make my dad have a heart attack, it's still okay? Because we like it?" I asked bashfully.

"What you and Edward do is your own business. You are both eighteen, and consenting adults. Now if Chief Swan doesn't want you stealing his handcuffs in his own house, that's his business. I know it must be difficult, being young and still living at home. Parents are terrified about their kids having sex as it is, but if it's not vanilla, then its even more alarming," she said, chuckling at my confused face.

"Vanilla?" I asked.

"That's plain sex, at least that's what its called in the community," she answered, glancing back at the door that led to where Charlie sat. "It's what we all expect our parents know about. The straight and narrow. Simple non exotic, the no props kind of sex."

Oh.

Well I liked the props and stuff.

"So it's okay to like some of that," I whispered, looking up at her cautiously.

"It's all right as long as you enjoy it and you are not hurting one another. It has to be consensual," she reiterated, that smirk forming again.

I thought about it, feeling some of what I was sure Edward had felt that first day when she had said he was not some freak his father had made him out to be.

It was totally normal. And all right to continue doing.

Already I was planning.

"Should we let your dad back in so we can put him at ease?" she asked softly.

"Um, what if I need to talk again?" I asked. "Without my dad?"

She pulled out a business card and offered me a tender smile.

"You and Edward will be fine. Parents can just be a little too over protective. But I can answer more questions if you have them. Maybe one day you and Edward can come in together if you feel the need. To help guide you. I know it's tough when you are just starting out. It can go all wrong if you don't have the proper guidance," she said.

And then it really hit me.

The way she said it. So sure. Like she knew from experience.

"You and Japser…" I said, trailing off.

She tilted her head and regarded me calmly for a moment before answering.

"Yes," she replied simply. "Are you surprised that we are?"

"Maybe a little?" I answered truthfully.

"Because we seem so normal?" she said teasingly.

I let out a nervous laugh and nodded.

"Well that just proves that normal people can be into other things and still be normal," she replied.

I eyed her for a long minute, trying to figure out who was the one in control in the relationship. It was far too difficult to figure out.

She grinned and stood.

"Come on, let's put your dad's mind at rest so you can go home. It's Friday after all, I'm sure you have plans you'd like to keep," she said and winked.

Oh yeah.

That would be weird to know she was going to hear about all our exploits tomorrow.

I thought I would be more freaked out by it, but with Alice, she made you feel a lot more comfortable than you would any other time. And knowing now that she understood, more than just clinically, it felt a lot safer in my world.

Charlie came back in, looking at me carefully.

Like the time alone in here with Alice would cure me or change me.

"So here's how it goes, Chief Swan," Alice started and leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "I know you have concerns about Edward being the right person for your daughter, but you also have to take her feelings into account. You have to have faith in her. She's a smart girl. And a good judge of character.

"So I suggest you both take some time with the links I have given you. Chief Swan if you want to look them over and then call me if you have questions, I am here to talk. But it is important for you to look at Bella's boyfriend with an open mind. He's a complex individual that deserves to have some happiness in his life. And if I dare say, a father figure. Please don't take the words of someone who has a history of manipulation over his obvious caring feelings for your daughter."

She then turned to me.

"Bella, I am so glad that you came into Edward's life. Without saying too much, I can say that you are very important to him. Anyone can see that. I know you have an open mind, but please ask me anything you wish, any time. And you should look at the links as well, so you can understand the truth behind what happened. They not only explain what that lifestyle is, but also there are a few sites there that are for those that were abused. It happens more than you know, sadly," she said and looked down for a moment, as if to collect her thoughts.

When she looked up again, she seemed a little wistful.

"There's so much hate and judgement out there in the world today, I hope you both can see and make better decisions than many of those that refuse to have an open mind and a caring heart. I know you care for Edward, Bella. It's important to stay open and honest in your relationship. And for the Chief to understand that you are an adult and can take care of yourself," she said, looking to both of us.

I nodded, feeling a lot more at ease than I had in a while.

She looked over at Charlie who was rubbing at his mustache.

"Chief Swan?" she asked. "You're going to work on seeing Edward as you did before Ms. Denali exposed a very hurtful and trying time for him, right? You are going to trust that your daughter, who has always been honest with you, will do the right thing and can handle herself?"

"Yes," he mumbled, looking over at me as if he worried it all may go south any moment.

"The two of you have a very special relationship, I can see that," she continued. "Trust each other. And Charlie? Have a little faith in Edward. He's really a very kind young man. Give him a chance before you draw your weapon, okay?"

He grunted and a ghost of a smile appeared under his mustache. They must have talked about something involving shooting Edward when I wasn't in the room, because Alice was smirking and shaking her finger at Charlie.

"All right, you have my number if you ever need to talk or need another meeting," she said and stood up to shake Charlie's hand.

They said their good byes and she glanced at me, a silent look of reassurance on her face before she saw us to the door.

I liked Alice.

I had no idea she and Jasper had lived in that lifestyle, but seeing how happy they were made me realize just how normal this all was.

I was starting to think the _vanilla_ people were being short-changed, to be honest.

I wouldn't tell Charlie that.

He was still looking a little pale.

It was awkward enough that he knew we were even having sex, if he had figured that out yet.

I was questioning his police skills a lot lately.

Who knew my dad was fallible?

We were quiet until we got into the car.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you," he said before he started the engine.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes.

"I really overreacted, I know," he said and looked over at me to find me waiting expectantly.

He nodded and started the car.

"I'll apologize to Edward," he said and put the car into gear. "Doesn't mean I still won't worry. He's still a boy who wants to defile my little girl."

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window at the darkening landscape.

"Have you ever considered that I might be the one wanting to defile him?" I asked, pleased with myself when I felt the brakes and the car slow down.

He pointed at me and gave me that warning scowl of his.

"I'm a fragile person right now, Bells. I don't want to know about these things," he groused and turned to the road again.

He growled under his breath and glanced back at me.

"Great," he muttered. "Now I'm worried I need to warn Edward about you."

"Too late, Dad," I teased.

"LALALALALALALALA!" he exclaimed and covered one hand over his ear.

For all the times he had given me a hard time, it was nice I could rattle him for once.

Alice was right. I was eighteen. Dad had to let go sometime.

Instead of driving me home, Charlie took me back to school, where my truck was waiting. He parked beside the truck and let out a long breath.

"I suppose you want to go out tonight?" he asked carefully.

I was surprised he was being so accommodating. Alice must have really laid into him.

I nodded.

He sighed again and closed his eyes.

"All right, but not too late," he said. "And maybe tomorrow you can invite Edward over so I can spend some…time with him."

"I'll ask him," I replied, not really sure Edward would be up for another conversation with him so soon.

"All right, well go, before I change my mind and lock you up in your room," he said and then smirked. "And bar the windows."

I blushed at his comment.

If he knew about the window, why hadn't he barred it or chopped the tree branches by now?

"Go on," he said, waving his hand towards my truck.

"Thanks, Dad," I replied quickly and leaned in to peck him on the cheek.

He continued to wave me off, pretending to look put out as I struggled with my bag and my coat.

I pulled out ahead of him, eager to be on my way to go see Edward.

Charlie followed me until he turned off towards home, and I continued down the road towards the Cullens. At the stoplight I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.

_I'm taking you out. Be there in 10._

The light changed and I started up again, smiling as I made my way down the road, coming to his driveway in no time.

I was a little surprised to see him thereon the porch, waiting for me. Before I had the truck in park, he hopped in and leaned in to kiss me deeply. When he pulled back, he was smiling.

"Did you run away? Because we will never get away in this truck," he teased.

I laughed and put the truck back in gear, slowly making my way down their long driveway.

"I will have you know that my dad told me to go out tonight," I said, smirking when he looked at me in surprise.

"Your dad?"

I smiled and nodded.

"It was a very interesting afternoon," I replied.

"You met with Alice," he stated, curiosity taking over.

"I did," I replied.

"Esme told me Charlie was going to take you," he explained eyeing me thoughtfully as I drove.

"Well I think Alice convinced Charlie that you and I could do what we liked," I said, shaking my head in wonder that my dad had actually given in to her so easily. "She has quite a way of working things out."

"And you talked to her?" he asked, and I could hear the bit of fear in his voice.

I looked over at him and smiled warmly.

"I learned a lot more about us than I thought I would," I said. "It was a little weird, knowing she knows you, but I think it's a good thing. She knows what we're both feeling. And she said we are good for each other."

"That should make tomorrow interesting," he replied, amused.

"Only if tonight is as interesting as I'd like it to be," I replied, wiggling my eyebrows.

"It's already interesting," he said and then looked back behind us.

"What are you looking for?" I asked.

"Police lights," he said, half teasing, but he continued to look behind us with careful eyes.

"Charlie is going to behave, Edward," I said. "He's going to give us a chance. How do you feel about coming over tomorrow?"

"To talk to Charlie?" he asked, sceptical.

"To have dinner, and talk to Charlie," I said, watching as he seemed to process.

"I guess I can't just say let's run away to Canada?"

"It'll be fine, I promise," I said and turned down the road leading to the old logging trails.

"Where are we going tonight?" he asked.

"To be alone," I replied, smiling.

He looked back behind us, just to be sure.

"I'm serious, Edward," I reassured him. "Charlie isn't following us."

He nodded and turned around slowly, his hand moving towards my thigh before he let out a nervous laugh.

"It's just never this easy. Something is bound to happen," he quipped, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "That or we are finally starting to have something we can hold onto."

"I like the last part better," I replied softly and pulled down one of the trails I knew led to an open clearing.

It wasn't warm enough to really enjoy it like I imagined I would when I had found it when I first moved here, but it was quiet and private and no one would bother us while we were there.

At the very least, it was the best make out spot we could ask for.

And maybe tomorrow, we'd bring some blankets.

But for tonight, we could be alone for once without the fear of being found out or needing to keep vigil.

Tonight was ours.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Oh, don't get bent on the way it ended… that was a long long chappy… This was an important chapter, judging by the comments from the last one. **

**Hope you all feel a little better about Charlie, and how BDSM is perceived. And please, don't take my account as some all knowing description of it. At least I researched a little. For those in the community, forgive me if I missed anything. I warned everyone in the beginning I wasn't going to spend a large amount of time researching and processing… and now here we are at 62 chapters… doh…**

**More soon! Who wants to see Jasper's reaction! I DO I DO! I've missed our pastry chef! Oh yeah. And the Creepy twins… yeah... they're coming up too. Way to be a downer!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	63. Chapter 63

**Happy weekend all! So sorry it took so long to update. This last gig sucked every creative morsel out of me and I am just getting back to it. But hopefully you'll like this reintroduction into my brain. Thanks to Cosmopolis trailers and Bel Ami for the tone of this chapter… **

**Creep free zone ahead. LOL **

**MWAH!**

**Ride it, My Pony- Genuwine**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 63: There was no Master. No Mistress. Just us. **

**EPOV**

I really didn't want to behave, regardless of what Esme had said.

_She is sure to be a little apprehensive, Edward._

_Give her some space to reflect on everything, Edward. _

_Be a gentleman, Edward. _

_Don't think about the physical right now, Edward. Think about her emotions. _

So how was I supposed to do those things when Bella was straddling me in her truck, off the road in some private secluded clearing she had taken us to?

I mean, if we were going by Bella's emotions, I would say she was horny and trying to get herself some.

Pressed up against me with her hands gripping my hair and her tongue in my mouth.

Very hard to concentrate about giving her space when she was grinding up against me to her own music in her head.

Killing me.

"Bella," I moaned, failing in any attempt to pull away.

It felt too good.

"I should have worn a skirt," she mumbled against my jaw as she pulled away enough to snake her hand down my chest and towards the buttons of my jeans.

Apprehensive my ass.

Bella was never apprehensive.

"Did you bring anything?" she asked as her hand palmed me.

My brain was a blank.

Well, not quite blank.

My brain was in my jeans at the moment, trying to get out and find her.

Thinking about cowgirls.

_Don't think about the physical right now, Edward. She'll have all sorts of questions after talking with Alice._

"Bella," I groaned and finally pulled my head back enough to see her.

"Yes?"

She was grinning like she was drunk, her profile lit up enough by the moon so that I could see she was flushed.

"Don't you want to talk?" I asked, trying to clear my head from the dazed feeling of wanting to simply give in and get her naked so I could watch her ride me.

Boy did I ever want her to ride me here in this shitty old truck.

There was so much more head room than my Volvo.

"Talk?" she asked, smirking. "We can talk after. I just want to be with you. It's been all week."

Her hand popped the buttons of my jeans and I succumbed to my eyes rolling back into my head at the heat of her hand sliding in over my boxers. She adjusted over me and found her way under the fabric, making me hiss when her hot fingertips wrapped around me. It was entirely too easy for me to simply lift up my hips and slide my jeans down a little to provide her easier access.

"I love how you can be soft and hard," she sighed, stroking me slowly.

"That…doesn't even…make…sense," I stammered, feeling my balls contract.

Damn she was going to get me off in no time if I didn't focus.

"Silky smooth," she breathed and slowed her hand, her thumb tracing up and over my head.

Sweet Jesus, she was fingering the slit of my cock.

"And so hard," she hummed and squeezed me with her grip.

"Fuck," I gasped, thrusting up into her hand hard to give her an idea of what I could do if she'd just get naked.

I wanted in.

"Did you bring protection?" she asked, her voice almost a whimper as she pressed don on my thighs.

I could only nod like an idiot and fumbled with my pockets until I found the wrappers I had shoved in there just before bolting out of the house. I hadn't really expected to be getting lucky tonight.

Just really, really hopeful.

"Take your jeans off," I grunted and ripped at the packet until I got it open.

Bella slid from me off to the side and shimmied her way out of her jeans, her legs glowing in the night. I shoved my own down past my thighs along with my boxers and took myself in hand as she kicked off her shoes and maneuvered back towards me.

She paused as she watched me touch myself, licking her lips as I moved.

I could tell she was excited to see me touching myself. Her eyes were intently watching, following every slow stroke as if she were learning.

How was this gentlemanly?

Who cares?

She was moving again, the hungry look taking over in her eyes as she crawled over my thighs once more, nothing between us this time. With barely a thought in my head, I was slipping the condom on and angling myself towards her as she hovered over me.

Bella slowly eased herself over me, her breath escaping between her teeth on her lips as I entered her at an excruciatingly slow pace. The cab of the truck was quiet except for her heavy breathing and my heart as it hammered in my ears.

God I just wanted to grab at her hips and shove her down hard, filling her.

But maybe that small part of me that wanted to remain a gentleman knew that she needed to work into this.

"So much," she groaned and let her head fall back slightly as she continued to fill herself with me.

I'm not huge, I admit it.

But I am well blessed and with her small body, you had to wonder where it all went.

No. didn't really care.

Because damn. She was taking every last bit of me.

I could feel her ass pressing against my thighs, and her heat surrounding everything.

And still I stayed absolutely still, allowing her the chance to drive this, even though my hands gripped her hips desperately. She leaned in slightly so that her lips brushed my ear, a pleasured sigh escaping them as she rolled her hips slowly.

"So good," she murmured and rolled her hips again, easing me out only slightly before pressing back into me.

Heaven and hell.

So slow.

So much.

She liked it slow.

And fuck it was maddening.

I groaned when she lifted up, pulling away so that I nearly escaped the tight hot pressure of her. She groaned with me and enveloped me again, a little more insistent than the first.

Roll.

Slide.

Lift.

Groan.

Down a little faster.

I was losing it.

Balls clenching. Hips wanting so badly to thrust up.

Bury.

Plunge.

Her hands found my hair, and she moved with a little more surety.

And that's when I realized she was taking her time to get it right.

She was feeling me, learning me.

Learning herself.

Up.

Down.

Roll of the hips that looked so incredibly hot as she undulated over me.

Grind and pull up.

Down.

A little harder so that her ass pressed into my balls as she ground into me.

A little faster.

More.

"Yes," I heard myself hiss and gripped her hips a little harder, guiding her.

"Harder?"

Her voice sounded so sweet and strained I could only nod.

And watch as I disappeared into her again.

And again.

Again.

Faster.

Harder.

Deeper.

Allowing me to press up into her and make her moan when I met her halfway.

Push. Pull.

Feeling every bit of her around me.

Tight.

Gripping.

Welcome.

Her breathing picked up, one hand snaking down my chest and grabbing at the material of my shirt as she rode me. I watched her as she did, her hips moving like she had done this forever, her upper body covered by her shirt. I let my hands move up, capturing her t-shirt with it and pulling it over her head so I could see all of her.

She was wearing a simple bra underneath, dark against her skin and hiding what I wanted to see. She whimpered as she felt me slow down, only long enough to peel away her bra and release her breasts.

I had once thought her breasts were too small.

I was wrong.

With one hand back on her hips, I let the other palm her perfect breast as she moved against me again, a wicked smile on her face as she watched me. I liked that she enjoyed watching me touch her.

She was fearless. Unashamed.

Beautiful.

Mine.

"Lean back a little," I groaned. "Put your hands on my thighs."

She did as I told her, leaning back and propping herself up by grabbing onto my legs, allowing me to set the rhythm. This way I could watch her breasts move as I thrust up into her.

Beautiful.

"Oh, so much more," she whimpered and let her mouth open in one long moan as I moved up into her faster.

Breasts bouncing.

Inside clenching against me with each thrust.

"Faster," she pleaded, her hands gripping me a little harder.

I was losing myself in her. Faster, harder, deeper.

I could feel her trembling around me as I sped up.

"More, God more."

Quickening at her words.

Grunting.

I could hear her ass slapping on my thighs.

I could feel the heat of her with each upthrust.

Reaching around I ran my fingers in her hair, gripping to hold her up as her hands slipped and moved.

Her hand in my hair, grasping until it hurt.

_Yes. _

Harder.

Faster.

Tugging.

Pulling.

Slamming again and again.

Clenching.

Shaking.

Crying out.

Tightening around me.

Harder.

Mouth on her throat.

Sucking. Biting. Enjoying her taste, her sounds, her body.

Everything blurring to pleasure.

My name echoed in the cab, ringing out over the sound of skin on skin, over the panting, the whimpers.

I was lost.

Groaning into her skin as I released.

Burying deep.

Shaking as I tensed.

Wanting to stay there forever.

Her and I, linked and one.

Satisfied.

Tugging Bella against me, we slowly came back to our senses there in her truck, the windows steamed and smelling like the best thing ever.

_Us. _

It smelled like completion: like sweat and really good and satisfying sex.

I loved that smell.

She hummed against my shoulder as we sat there, still joined as long as we didn't move.

I wondered idly if I could manage a second time just by sitting there with her around me.

At least until she giggled and squirmed slightly, freeing my poor deflated ego.

"That feels so weird!" she exclaimed and looked down between us, where if I hadn't been withered then, I was certainly now.

She eyed me curiously as I pulled the condom off.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she whispered and leaned in kiss me. "I just like it better when you complete me. It feels weird when its over and I can't hold onto that."

I pretended to scowl at her and leaned in to take her chin between my fingers.

"If you hadn't wiggled free we could be doing that again," I teased.

"That fast?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. "I'll remember that next time."

She moved to slip off of me but I held her there straddling my thighs.

The last thing I wanted was for her to get dressed again.

I wanted to enjoy the time we had together.

Kissing her along the jaw, she relaxed against me and let her hands play in my hair as I explored her. My fingertips ghosted over her skin, enjoying the gasp when I pinched her nipple playfully. She adjusted over me again, and I knew we were taking a risk, her body so close to me as I grew once more.

I would never talk ill of her truck again.

I pushed her down into the seat, the steering wheel the only obstacle to keep me from laying down over her easily. But there was so much more room than I would have thought. Bella was easily laid out beneath me on her back, staring up at me with playful eyes.

She was so happy.

Which in turn made me happy.

Everything from the last few days seemed inconsequential really when I saw her smile.

My eyes fluttered closed when I felt her hands drift over my body, searching once again.

Tickling across the chest hair, playing with my own nipples until I felt her go in for the kill.

I grabbed at her wrists when she made to pinch them, pressing her hands over her head into the door.

She tilted her head and the smile turned thoughtful.

"Do you want to tie me up?" she asked.

I blinked at her and paused.

Bella was so direct. And out of the blue.

"Um," I said, trying to plan out how to tell her I thought about a lot of things with her.

"I want you to one day," she said, her eyes turning a little lusty.

I let out a breath and leaned back a little.

She had no idea just how worked up she could get me talking like that.

I wondered if I could get her to talk dirty some day, when she was controlling me.

I did think about her in charge a lot.

But I thought about so many things.

"What else do you think about?" she asked.

She seemed so calm, laying there completely exposed beneath me, with her hands in mine, captured. She shifted slightly, her thigh moving up along my hip, exposing even more of her to me.

"How are you so relaxed talking about this?" I asked, amazed.

She shrugged and smiled.

"Because I trust you, Edward. You won't ever hurt me. I know that. And if I want something, I want you to know, just like I want to know what you want," she said simply.

"Your conversation with Alice must have been really good," I replied.

She smiled and I could see the mischievious air in her eyes.

"I went in over thinking everything," she said and let her body relax beneath me a little more. "But she made me realize that nothing that we do together will ever be wrong, as long as we both want it."

"So what do you want?" I asked.

"Every bit of you," she replied and pulled up enough so that her lips brushed mine. "I want to learn and be a part of every thing."

I let my hands ghost down her arms, allowing her to twine them in my hair once more.

"I want to make you happy," I murmured against her lips. "Whatever you want."

She sighed and pulled me down onto her, the steering wheel not so bothersome anymore.

"I don't know a lot," she whispered into my ear. "So we'll see what we like together."

"I want a lot," I replied, chuckling into her hair.

She laughed with me and wriggled under me slightly, offering me a better place to lie against her. My hand brushed along her side, tracing the swell of her breast as it passed. She held me close and breathed into my neck, content.

We were quiet for a couple minutes, savoring the feel of one another until she finally broke the silence.

"I think I'd like it if you spanked me too."

I groaned into her shoulder and rubbed my forehead back and forth against it.

"Killing me Bella," I groaned, feeling myself raring to go again.

Not that I minded another round.

But I wanted it to be loving and gentle and now I just wanted to fuck the hell out of her again.

I sighed and propped up above her a little, smirking.

"What?" she asked, her tone all too mischievious to be taken seriously.

"You want me to spank you," I repeated.

She at least offered me a bit of a blush.

"Yeah," she mumbled and looked down between us. I knew she felt me stirring against her.

"It's a little cramped in here to spank you, Bella," I teased and moved against her.

I could see her heart beating a little faster in her chest.

"I know," she whispered. "But I want you to know what I want."

"I want," I murmured and paused to taste her neck kissing her slowly down her throat.

So many things.

"What?"

Her legs moved around my hips, trapping me closer to her. To where I wanted to be.

"There's no delineating our roles together, Bella," I whispered. "I won't let you be my sub, just like I won't be yours. But I like it when you take charge, just about as much as when I do you."

I reached down and pulled out the other condom, happy I had brought a couple.

You never knew.

"I want slow and gentle with you," I continued as I slowly rolled the condom down my cock. "But I want hard and fast. I want to make you scream, Bella. But not out of pain or fear."

She looked up at me with heavy eyes, squirming beneath me to encourage me.

"I want to hear your voice echo off the trees outside," I continued and moved against her, consciously staying just at her entrance as she moved. "I want you helpless and begging. I want you empowered to make me beg. I want to fuck you, make love to you, worship you."

She whimpered under me and shifted again, allowing me in just a little.

Just enough for us both to groan.

She was taking me in, even when I had the power to decide.

We'd suck at this power trip business for sure.

There was no Master. No Mistress.

Just us.

"I want everything," I groaned and pushed into her, delighting in her quick intake of breath and the unbelievable feeling of completeness when I was inside her so deep.

"Everything," she moaned and held me to her, straining to get as much of me against her as she could in the cramped quarters.

I thrust into her again and again, not so hard as to push her along the seat, but harder than we had ever done. I needed it.

She needed it.

She grasped at me, saying my name with each thrust, her heels digging into my back as if to will me harder.

Give us a room alone for several hours, who knows how much we could do?

But in the confines of Bella's beaten down truck, we could only do so much.

Even still the old thing creaked like her bed had that one night.

It made us both laugh; listening to the driving rhythm we set by the groaning of the truck.

I was enjoying it. No one to hear us, no one to stop us from doing what we wanted.

_Creak away crappy truck. _

I owned it.

And Bella soon learned you could do a lot in a truck. She found herself back on top, creating almost as much noise with the truck as I had. I liked seeing her above me, her hair moving in time with her breasts and her body flushed and beautiful as it took over. And when we had finally collapsed in a sweaty heap, there was no doubt in my mind what we could do.

We could do anything, given the right place and time.

And because I could, with Bella sprawled on top of me in exhaustion, I took advantage.

A quick slap on her ass had her jolt against me with a yelp, her eyes wide as she looked down at me. But she was smiling too.

I wiggled my eyebrows at her and pulled her back down so I could rub where I had slapped her.

"That's all I can manage in this cramped space," I justified, grinning into her hair.

Oh yes, I had liked that.

"Next time," she sighed and hugged me tight.

Next time.

There was nothing quite like feeling Bella accept me for everything.

There was nothing quite like knowing that Bella was what I had needed.

Which is probably why I felt my heart grow a little heavier when I saw her truck leave me at my doorstep, disappearing into the darkness on her way home.

I waited until the taillights were gone before I turned and went inside.

Esme was watching TV in the living room, and she looked up when she heard me walk in.

"Good night with Bella?" she asked.

We both were not entirely sure what Bella would do after meeting with Alice.

Or Chief Swan for that matter.

"Yeah, even better than before," I mumbled and offered Esme a soft smile.

She nodded and eased her way up coming to me to offer me a gentle hug.

"I knew she'd understand. And it sounds like Charlie is coming around if he let you two stay out so late," she said.

"I have dinner with them tomorrow," I replied and walked with her towards the stairs.

"Well, just be the gentleman I know you are and things will be fine, I am sure of it," she said and hugged me once more before letting me go.

I flopped down into my bed, thoroughly sated from our night together.

There was only one thing missing.

I pulled out my phone.

"I was just thinking about you," she said when she answered.

I smiled in the darkness, feeling her warmth run through me even from just her voice.

"I forgot to tell you something before you drove away," I said softly.

"And what is that?" she teased.

She knew.

"I love you, Bella Swan."

"I love you more, Edward Cullen."

We said our goodnights, both of us tired from the day. I smiled in the darkness at her words.

She loved me more.

I'd have to debate that with her tomorrow.

Because I was pretty sure I loved her more.

I couldn't wait to see her tomorrow.

To show her just how much.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: just a little truck time… writing foreplay you see. **

**More coming up. I am hoping to have another chapter to you this weekend to make up for the long break. **

**Still got some Jasper to see! I miss that crazy baker! **

**Happy weekend my dears! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	64. Chapter 64

**Hello my dears! A happy Mother's Day to all the moms! I would have updated sooner, but I was called to nap time this afternoon. Sigh… perks of mommydom. I can call my own naps! Yessss.**

**Sooo. Enjoy the Jasperness… and well… the song should give you sufficient heads up…**

**So let's do this!**

**Showdown- Black Eyed Peas**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 64: But you like… baking….**

**BPOV**

I sat in my truck for a while, watching the front door of the bakery apprehensively.

So how would I act around Jasper?

Would he know?

Would Alice tell him I knew?

What would I say?

_Hey, Jasper, easy with that spatula…. _

_You sure know how to tie up those pretzels!_

_You definitely know how to whip an egg…_

I was worried something would slip and then it would be even more awkward.

Of course, Jasper and Alice could be a good resource too.

Of course talking with my boss about what that lifestyle meant would be weird.

I didn't want to think about what Alice and Jasper got into.

I sat in my truck that still reminded me of the night prior until I knew I would start to worry Jasper.

I'd just pretend I didn't know. I could do that.

Maybe Alice wouldn't say anything.

Sure.

Client confidentiality and all, right?

Of course, did she want me to know?

I shouldn't have asked.

Now I was feeling weird.

I'd just have to suck it up and deal with whatever I found in there.

Even if it dealt with inappropriate use of wooden spoons or spatulas.

I was reminded by Edward's spatula and spoons.

Okay, not all uses were inappropriate.

I took one more breath before opening up the door and stepping in to find Jasper watching me as I walked in.

He knew, didn't he?

"Morning!" he said pleasantly. "I thought you'd stay in your truck all morning!"

I looked down from his cheerful demeanor and shook my head.

"No, I just had to prepare for today," I mumbled.

"You had to prepare to make muffins and cookies?" he asked quizzically?

So he didn't know?

Could Alice really not tell him?

Warn him even?

Surely she must think I had questions?

This was so confusing.

"You look sort of out of it," he said as we walked back towards the kitchen. "Long night?"

"Um, sorta," I said. "Long day yesterday. A lot to take in."

He nodded and offered me a sympathetic smile.

"You must be going through a lot given you're dating the Cullen kid," he said.

I looked at him strangely.

"Not that he's the problem," he amended quickly. "Just that with his parents getting a divorce and all."

And all.

"Yeah, it's been a little dramatic," I mumbled and put on my apron.

Jasper moved around as he normally did, whistling that same 80's band song about sugar as he worked. He eyed me when I didn't move in to help.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, a friendly smile on his face.

I nodded and went to work mixing the batter for the muffins he wanted to make. We worked quietly, save the whistling. I poured the batter into the extra large tins he had, scraping out the last of it with the spatula.

_Oh spatulas. _

I smirked as I flicked the last of the batter into the remaining tin, startled when I heard Jasper laughing across the room.

"You have a great wrist flick! What's what I call whipping it!" he teased, making me blush.

_Oh my god I bet he liked to whip Alice. _

_Weird!_

"You're in charge of the icing, with that flair, you'll have it under submission in no time!" he continued, seemingly oblivious to the innuendos.

At least I think he was.

Maybe he was egging me on.

To see if I would crack.

Scramble my thoughts.

The egg jokes were killing me.

He went back to whistling, rolling out the dough for his different cookies he made on Saturday morning. I watched him a little more closely, knowing what he was involved in now.

Jasper Whitlock was a little odd, it was obvious in how he seemed so at ease with bakery dough. Not that being happy with baking was odd, but Jasper Whitlock looked more like he would enjoy surfing or extreme sports than with baking. He was tall and muscled, and looked like he could take someone out with just a simple right hook.

And he whistled that stupid song all the time. Especially when he seemed to need to concentrate. He used the cookie cutter with ease, twisting it with precision and popping the cutouts onto the sheet. He was really pretty normal when you looked at him.

So what was he into?

"All right!" he said and slapped his hands together. "Let's get baking!"

He was in to baking. That's what.

Maybe he was out of the lifestyle. Maybe it was just Alice that lived it.

But how?

Maybe he and Alice had lived that lifestyle and something tragic happened, sending Jasper into some baking therapy.

Maybe Alice treated him for some addiction.

Maybe Jasper was in some kinky witness protection program.

That could explain why he knew Dr. Creepy.

Maybe Alice was still treating Jasper, even though they were married and that was a little unethical.

Maybe…

Maybe I was overthinking this way too much and it was none of my business.

What he and Alice did didn't hurt me any.

Yet.

I needed to forget about what Jasper and Alice did behind closed doors.

With the ovens full and baked goods rotating into the display cases, we were ready to open doors to the customers.

The morning was like most of the others.

Our regulars came in early, between eight and ten in the morning, leaving us a little reprieve at ten when Jasper usually let me go on a break. It was this morning with all that was in my head that I decided to maybe do a little research. I pulled out my laptop in the eating area and was just booting up when Jasper came out to sit with me, two cups of coffee in hand.

"What are you working on?" he asked, all smiles.

"Um," I stammered.

Think think think.

"Homework?" I said, more as a question than a statement.

"Biology?" he said, winking.

Well sort of.

"I was pretty good in school, if you have any questions," he said, sipping his coffee. "I was more into history than science, but I was always a good learner. I remember everything."

I paused on getting online to look at him again.

"What did you study in school?" I asked, genuinely intrigued by the history of Jasper Whitlock.

His smile wavered slightly and he swallowed his coffee a little hard.

"History, actually," he answered. "Civil War specifically."

"What made you get into baking?" I asked, wonderingwhat would make him make such a large leap..

Was he always a baker? Just recreationally?

He frowned and looked down at his cup.

"I guess I needed something that I enjoyed. Something I could do myself that made other people happy," he said quietly. "Not a lot of work for Civil War historians."

"Did you always like to cook?" I asked, sensing a deeper story between the Whitlocks.

He shook his head and toyed with the top of his cup, avoiding my gaze.

Like night and day, his mood had changed.

"I was a personal…chef, for… someone," he said and straightened a little. "I dropped out of school studying history to take that position."

"That's a big leap in jobs," I said, wondering what would make him drop out of school.

The money must have been really good.

Or… something.

"Well, she was very committed to service," he said and let out a long breath. "She was very particular about the people serving her. It was the 24/7 sort of thing."

"Did you already know how to cook before you started to work for her?" I asked.

We weren't talking about being a chef anymore. I knew that.

He shook his head.

"No, she taught me. From day one. She taught me everything."

"So she was a…. cook as well?"

He chuckled and eyed me curiously.

Did he know that I understood what we were talking about?

"No, she was more like a control freak. She liked everything done a certain way. So she taught those under her how she preferred… things. She was patient most of the time at my failures."

"And when she wasn't patient? She didn't…fire you?" I asked.

He chuckled low and shook his head.

"Firing me wasn't really an option."

"And you stayed?"

He shrugged.

"I could have quit, but I was one of those people that felt that was just another way of being a loser," he said and frowned again.

"I can't see you ever being a loser," I said, enjoying his smile creep up the side of his face once more.

"Well thank you," he said and relaxed a bit.

"When did you meet Alice?" I asked softly, knowing that she had something to do with getting him out of whatever he was into.

His smile returned, a little softer as he looked out the window, as if imagining a memory.

"She was at a social engagement," he said, glancing at me for a moment before clearing his throat. "I was looking for another boss, you see."

"And Alice needed a personal chef?"

He smiled wryly. He knew that I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"She needed a lot of things," he said. "But she liked her cupcakes."

I smiled at the way we were speaking about his past.

"So she took you for your excellent baking skills," I said.

He sighed and looked out again.

"Well, I had been taught a different style than she liked," he said.

"Different tastes for different people," I replied, thinking about Edward and how he had changed since meeting me.

"Tastes change. It's just a matter of learning what your partner likes. And you adapt. They do the same," he said and smiled ruefully. "It takes some getting used to. And sometimes it's tough, especially if you had been specifically trained for one thing. But you do what you can to please your partner."

"But you like…baking," I said, sure that I was going too far in asking this.

His smile wavered and he let out a long sigh.

"Oh yes. I like it a lot. Too much sometimes. Alice helped me to see how moderate my needs. That's how I started this business. It's an outlet," he said.

"So, you and Alice experiment in tastes, to see what you both like?" I asked.

He chuckled and nodded.

"We have a pretty spicy variety, yes."

"Certainly not vanilla," I said, earning a wide eyed look from him.

He cleared his throat and looked back down at his coffee cup.

"Vanilla is a very vibrant and complex flavor," he murmured. "It's special. And there are different kinds of vanilla. Oh no, vanilla is one of my favorites because it goes with so many other flavors."

I smiled and closed up my laptop.

I didn't need to do research on the lifestyle.

I learned everything I needed to know by talking with Jasper Whitlock.

Baker extraordinaire.

I knew he had a much deeper history, something that turned him away from it to some degree. But to know that he and Alice had a healthy sex life, regardless of any baking metaphors, I knew it was going to be okay.

Our little break was broken up by the phone ringing, Jasper smiling and heading to answer it. I took the time to head back to the back and pull out the rest of the muffins in the oven, pleased with my hard work.

I wondered how Edward's session was going with Alice, and how much he would talk about what we had talked about.

I knew he had made great leaps in the last week or so, even with the set back with my dad. I was sure that dinner would be a little awkward, but Charlie had promised to behave and have an open mind.

And Edward was feeling more confident.

Tonight would go well.

I hoped.

I was bringing out more of the muffins for the late morning rush when Jasper hung up the phone, scribbling down something on a piece of paper.

"Hey, how do you feel about making a delivery?" he asked, his head bent low over the counter as he wrote.

"A delivery?"

He looked up and nodded.

"Birthday party. I guess the mom had a fiasco in the kitchen and just ordered up a cake. She needs it delivered by 1. I know you get off at 1, but I rode my bike in today," he said and shrugged.

"I never took you for the bike rider," I said, smirking. "What do you got? A Schwinn?"

"I am all Harley, little missy," he said, wagging his pen at me.

Oh that kind of bike.

Yeah, Jasper just kept getting cooler.

"I'll pay you for the afternoon and you can just head home after you deliver," he said, enticing me with the extra cash.

"Okay," I agreed and smiled when he high fived me and went in the back to start on the cake.

I took care of the customers as they came in, enjoying the smiles from everyone as they purchased our hard work. Whatever Jasper's past, he was certainly successful here now. I could only hope that I could do something like that one day.

After school.

If I ever went.

I thought again about that scholarship that Tanya had talked about.

Yeah, I was sure it never existed.

Cake in hand, I set it on the floorboard of my trusty truck and was on my way.

The address was out of town, almost halfway to Port Angeles off the main road towards the logging areas deep in the Olympic Peninsula. Why anyone would live out this way I didn't know, but it was pretty with its winding roads.

When logging trucks weren't barreling down the road at you.

It had started raining as soon as I had left the bakery, which was always my luck. So I drove a little more carefully as I made my way down the long road. It was nearing one o'clock when I found the address, a long driveway similar to the Cullens to a home set off the road.

I pulled up to the front of the house, stepping out into the rain to come around the passenger side to carefully pull the cake out. Regardless of it being in the box, I wanted to make sure it didn't get ruined for the party. Covering it with my jacket I hurried up to the porch to knock on the door.

I looked around while I waited for someone to answer the door.

Weird.

There were no cars here for the party.

My body tensed at a strange thought just as I heard the door open behind me.

I almost expected who I saw when I turned.

"I was hoping you would be the one to come, Bella."

My eyes narrowed at the pretty woman in front of me.

"Tanya," I growled.

"I know what you are going to say," she started.

"You have no idea what I want to say to you!" I hissed.

"Bella, I just wanted to warn you," she said hurriedly.

"I don't need warnings from you, you sick bitch. You have no right to even speak to me after all you've done!" I exclaimed and shoved the cake box at her roughly, not caring that it was being crushed into her abdomen.

I really wanted to shove at her and make her land on her ass.

Maybe smear that nice cake all over her.

Make her choke on it.

But she'd probably enjoy it too much.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Bella! Or Edward. I do care about him," she said, her words meaning a lot less with cake all over her.

"You don't care about Edward!" I yelled. "If you did, you wouldn't have done what you did with him! You and his father did so much to hurt him, you don't deserve any of my time to try and lie to me! You belong in jail."

"I was upset then, Bella. Carlisle promised me that if I came down here to help him get Esme back, I'd be able to make it up to Edward. I didn't realize he was involved with you until Carlisle told me what he wanted," she said, still holding the cake like a lame ass.

"And what did he want you to do?" I spat out.

"He wanted me to break you up," she confessed. "But I had no idea, Bella, once I met you. You don't understand. I do what he says. He is…"

"Nuts is what he is. Grow a backbone and be your own person, Tanya," I growled and made to leave. She grabbed me, the icing making it hard for her to hold onto me.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Bella. I just wanted Edward. I couldn't have Carlisle."

"You'll never have Edward. He's mine," I hissed.

That's when she had the audacity to smile.

Well, spoken like a true Domme," she said smugly.

I will vehemently deny punching her.

Well, only if my dad asked me.

Otherwise. Yes. I punched her. Hard.

Hopefully I broke her nose.

I didn't wait to see the blood.

I turned on my heel and bolted for my truck, turning when I got to my door to shout at her through the rain.

"You stay away from us! You come anywhere close to me or Edward and I will enjoy spending the night in jail after what I do to you! Just stay out of our life!"

I jumped into my truck and started it up, wishing for once that I had some high-powered big truck that could sling mud back at her. All I could manage was a good backfire before slowly making my way back down the driveway. It started to pour rain as soon as I reached the highway.

I started on my way back to town, the logging trucks blowing past me even in the rain. I couldn't think too much about them though.

I was pissed.

Finding Tanya at the door was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

Having to talk to her was even worse.

But hitting made it a little better.

But having her still around just made me wonder what was going on.

Charlie had said she was leaving town.

Why wasn't she gone?

Or was outside city limits being out of town?

I growled over the steering wheel at that idea.

It would be just like Dr. Creepy to think like that.

So with Tanya remaining in town, it meant that Dr. Creepy still had something planned.

Why couldn't he just….

A flash of headlights behind me got my attention.

High beams coming up on me fast.

Too fast on this wet and twisting turning road.

Another logging truck zipped past me, causing me to grip the steering wheel harder from the wind pushing against me from its passing.

The car behind me caught up, pulling in dangerously close behind me. I recognized the car as soon as it pulled in close.

Black Mercedes.

Dr. Creepy.

I could see his blond hair in the mirror.

Why?

Why couldn't he just leave us alone?

What did he hope to gain by chasing my down the freeway?

Had he been there with Tanya?

Did he see what I did to her?

What was he doing?

I tried to push the truck a little faster, knowing this was getting dangerous fast.

The turns on the road were bad on a good day. But in the rain, with logging trucks charging past us, it was deadly.

Charlie had to come out for more wrecks on this stretch than he did any other calls.

Dr. Creepy was going to kill us if he kept this up.

All because he was mad I was dating Edward?

That he was getting a divorce with his wife?

Why did he feel the need to punish me over his failings?

Because he liked to punish, idiot.

Should I slow down?

Should I speed up?

I couldn't call Charlie, my hands were too occupied with keeping the steering wheel steady. We made it to one of the straight drags when the clouds seem to open up over us. I slowed on instinct, refusing to let him push me any faster. He pulled out from behind me and came up beside me, the Mercedes having much better acceleration than my poor truck. I tried to ignore him beside me, concentrating on the road.

It was that or get hysterical and crash.

I didn't want to die on the highway.

Not by Mr. Creepy.

He paced alongside beside me, my only glace towards him revealing that creepy smile he had.

I couldn't think about that.

He was breaking all sorts of laws and the only thing I could think about….

Was the truck that suddenly appeared speeding towards us in his lane.

I barely had time to register it through the rain before I slammed on my brakes, feeling the truck fishtail and veer off towards the embankment of trees beside the road.

I didn't have time to see if Dr. Creepy had seen the truck.

I could only register the muted browns and greens flashing past me as I careened into the forest beside the road, the deep embankment causing the truck to accelerate as it crashed through the undergrowth. I couldn't hear anything but my screaming as I plummeted down and down.

Strangely through the screaming I could only think about one thing.

I could only think about my dad and Edward sitting awkwardly waiting for me to get home.

I could only think about what they might say when they heard I had crashed.

I could only wait until something stopped my runaway truck.

Like a tree.

A really big tree met up with the front corner causing the back end to pop up off its tires from the impact, forcing me forward violently in my seat, saved from catapulting through the windshield by the seat belt across my lap.

It didn't however keep me from hitting my head on the side window.

Everything went dark.

Not really black, like they say.

Just a really muffled darkness like seeing through your eyelids on a cloudy day.

I wasn't thinking about me though.

I was thinking about Edward.

Alone.

With my dad.

Waiting.

That was going to be so so awkward without me there.

I needed to get home.

Before Edward got there.

Before Charlie said something.

Before...

And then it all went black.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I know I know… cliffy? On Mother's day? Not to worry… I will update again very very soon. Hopefully tomorrow. You know how I hate to leave you in a cliffy for long. **

**For those wishing that Dr. Creepy bit it by a logging truck…. *smiles* Not to worry. I won't leave the fate of Dr. Creepy there with speculation… But I did provide a logging truck or two. hehehehe**

**More soon, promise! Happy Mother's Day to all those wonderful moms out there that took time away from their day to come read this! You all are awesome!**

**MWAH! **

**steph**


	65. Chapter 65

I feel like the Grandpa in The Princess Bride at the moment.

*Pan to Princess Buttercup about to get eaten by eels…cut to grandpa, looking over his glasses above the book… "She doesn't get eaten by eels. I'm telling you this because you looked a little worried…" *

She doesn't get eaten by eels dearhearts… I'm cliffy cruel… but I am not that cruel… besides… how would there be eels in the Olympic mountains? ***winks* **

**Your reviews spurred me on to stay up way too late past my bedtime so I could finish this. It's still Monday in Hawaii, right? But I was determined to make sure you were all comforted. So amazing to see how much people care about dear Bella and Edward! And Charlie and Jasper! I love you guys….**

**Without further… completely unedited and written super speedy. Don't mind the errors. MWAH!**

**Superman- Five for Fighting**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 65: Everything sir….**

**EPOV**

"Well, Edward. That's certainly a big push towards progression!" Alice said, grinning.

I let out a long breath and felt with its release a greater sense of ease.

Not just because Alice understood what I was going through, but because she validated my relationship with Bella so easily.

"So have you two talked about limits or what you are comfortable doing?" she asked. "It's important in every relationship to set boundaries, not just in your case. But in every relationship. Setting limits and talking is the healthiest thing for couples."

"Bella is nothing if not open," I said, smiling to myself about the night prior.

So easy going, so willing. So…

Bella.

"Bella is a good match for you, I will definitely agree about that," she said quietly, still smiling.

I eyed her for a moment, wondering exactly what they had talked about the day before.

It must have been good. To convince Charlie to let me continue to see her, to prompt Bella to open up like she did in her truck.

"You're going to be okay, Edward."

I looked down at her words, feeling a little embarrassed over them.

I knew that.

I did.

It was difficult some days to believe it.

But since meeting Bella, I knew things would be better.

"Edward, I don't think you really need too much more from me," Alice said when I remained quiet.

That made me look up in surprise, earning a chuckle from her.

"You can of course continue if you like," she amended. "You might even want to come in with Bella once or twice. But really, the two of you are healthy, well balanced young lovers that have so much to explore on your own. Frankly, I think the two of you have it better than most couples that have been together for a decade or more. You just have to trust in one another."

"I think so too," I replied, grinning down at my hands in my lap.

Yes. I was seeing myself in the future with Bella.

maybe not the old people on the porch imagery.

But definitely living together.

College.

And beyond.

"Edward?"

I looked up and laughed.

"Sorry. What did you say?" I asked.

She pretended to scowl at me and wagged her finger at me.

"Listening is very important in a relationship. You can't always get caught up in a moment, no matter how incredible it is," she chided. "I asked you if you felt comfortable coming in as a couple at some point."

"Oh," I said, pausing to think.

Would Bella agree to it?

Would it help?

We seemed pretty open now.

But I knew she still had questions.

"Um," I started. "We could talk about anything?"

She nodded.

"I know she and I have questions," I said. "Like about certain things."

Alice nodded and looked serious for a moment.

"I would be happy to help. Whatever you want to talk about," she said simply.

I let out another relieved breath and couldn't help but smile.

I was all right.

We were all right.

"So, why don't we see how you do for a week or so, and maybe think about checking in before Thanksgiving?" she asked, straightening her skirt to stand.

I stood with her and nodded, hands in my pockets.

A couple of weeks.

That felt great.

"Thanks, Alice," I murmured, not sure how to relay to her just how much I appreciated her help.

With everything.

She smiled and rested her hand up on my shoulder. I was surprised she could reach it so easily, I was so much taller than she was.

"You're a very special and good person, Edward. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. You have a lot of heart and loyalty. Go out and be proud of that," she said quietly.

"Thanks, I will," I replied and made my way towards the door.

I stopped at the door, one thought still in my head unsettled.

"Um, I know you can't say anything about yesterday," I said, watching her smirk. "But Bella's dad. He isn't going to shoot me tonight, right?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"No, I think if you go in there with your heart showing, and you show him how dedicated you are to making Bella happy, things will be just fine," she replied.

"Okay. I can do that," I replied nervously.

Show him how much I love her.

Without really showing him…

Esme's comments about gentlemanly behavior played in my head over and over as I drove to the bakery, wanting to surprise her.

And maybe eat one of her muffins.

But when I pulled up, her truck was gone.

I looked at my watch. It was just barely one o'clock.

Maybe Jasper let her go early because it was pouring rain?

That would be cool.

I hated thinking about her driving that beast with the rain the way it was.

I pulled out, sending her a text to let her know I had just missed her and wanted to know what time she wanted me there for dinner.

With a little time on my hands and hunger gnawing at my belly, I drove down the burger stand. I had a craving for a milkshake.

And maybe they had muffins.

I ordered to go, eating in my car and listening to some music while I waited for Bella to text me back.

A half an hour passed and still no answer.

Weird.

She always texted back within minutes.

Unless she was in the shower.

I grinned at that visual and sucked a little harder on my strawberry shake.

One day.

We were taking a shower together.

I closed my eyes for a moment to think on that, doing myself no good in working myself up while sitting in the Burger Hut parking lot. I let out a long sigh, knowing that I wouldn't get any relief tonight.

I could behave.

I could!

I opened my eyes and sucked down the last of my shake, dashing for the garbage in the pouring rain before nearly getting wiped out by the tidal wave caused by a passing logging truck.

They drove too fast, even if the road was technically a highway.

I jumped back in my car and texted Bella, thinking she may have missed my text if she had been in the shower.

_-Would it be weird if I did a drive by? Miss your face. _

I popped the phone in the passenger seat and eased out back towards her house. Chewing on some gum to clear away the shake and fried bear claw I had gotten.

No muffins and Bella's bear claw was so much better.

I drove past her house, frowning when I saw no one was home.

Bella's truck was gone, as was the police cruiser.

Maybe she was grocery shopping.

Damn. I should have texted her and asked her if she needed anything.

I could have done that for her at least.

I turned around and parked across the street and down one house, just so I didn't look too conspicuous if the Chief came home.

I didn't want to look like some creepy stalker that was keeping tabs on where my girlfriend was.

So I texted her again.

Where are you. I feel bad now that you're out in this rain buying groceries or something. Call me?

I settled back into my seat and watched her house, sure she'd be back any minute.

I leaned back, listening to my music while I waited and checking my phone ever couple of minutes.

It was nearly two thirty when the Chief pulled into the drive.

The rain was still falling, but that didn't stop him from eyeballing my car.

From fifty feet away.

He raised an eyebrow and looked back at the house, frowning when he turned back around to look at me again.

And then waved me down like the Chief that he was.

All authority.

Commanding.

Still with a gun on his hip.

Crap.

He was going to call me out on stalking.

I sighed and shut off my car, jumping out of it and jogging to my doom.

"What are you doing here?" he called as I approached.

"Um, I'm coming over for dinner tonight, sir," I said haltingly.

He motioned me to follow him up to the porch and out of the rain while he talked.

"Dinner's usually after sunset, son. And besides, Bella isn't even home," he said, eyeing me sideways.

I could see him stripping down the stalker tendancies layer by layer.

"No sir. I was actually a little worried. I know that sounds a little…"

"Stalkerish?" he said with a twitch of his moustache.

"Um, concerned?" I suggested.

He fiddled with the door until he got it open before checking his watch.

And frowned.

"She had to stop at the market I think," he said, smirking when he turned back to me. "She wanted to make dinner special."

"I texted her, she didn't answer," I replied, dooming myself a little more with the stalker stereotype.

"She probably left it on silent. She forgets to change it most of the time," he rationalized. "Well, come in or stay outside on your stakeout. I have to shower. Covered in mud."

I hadn't noticed until he had said it, he was covered in mud on one side.

The non gun slinging side.

I stepped inside the house, looking around nervously on where to go while he started up the stairs towards his room.

"You can sit in the living room. Turn on the game, would ya? I think it started already," he called as he continued up the stairs.

I swallowed and checked my phone again.

Still nothing, and now I was trapped in the house with the Chief.

Sent to turn on the game.

I had no idea which game he meant.

Was it still baseball season?

Or was he a travelling sports fan. Into whatever sport was in season.

Football?

Or maybe basketball.

I noticed the well worn lazy boy to one side, the one with the remotes and custom cup holder carved out of driftwood.

The Chief throne.

I grabbed the remote and sat a careful distance from the throne.

I wasn't stupid.

The further away I was, the less likely he could throw things at me.

I turned on the TV and thankfully was immediately tuned to football.

I hoped this was the game he meant.

I waited patiently while I listened to the water turn on upstairs.

This wasn't weird.

Was he testing me?

Seeing if I'd go sneaking around to dig around Bella's underwear drawer or something?

Shit, I should pay attention to the game so I can give him a blow by blow.

Good thing my brother played.

I could follow along even if I didn't care for it.

The Chief's phone ringing startled me.

He had one of those old cordless phones cradled on the table in front of his chair.

Did I answer it?

It could be Bella.

But why wouldn't she call me?

I was definitely not answering it.

Nope.

It rang five times and then went silent.

I looked back towards the hallway leading to the stairs, wondering if he had heard it in the shower. The water was still running, so I doubted it.

I returned to the game, tapping my fingers impatiently on the arm of the sofa.

The phone rang again a few minutes later.

I looked down the hall again and contemplated answering it that time.

Something was nagging me.

Enough that the hairs on my neck were itchy.

The phone went silent again.

I pulled up Bella's name on my phone and called it.

I didn't like this feeling.

It was probably that I was in the house alone with her dad.

And his gun.

But it was almost three now.

It didn't take two hours to get groceries, no matter how special it was.

Her phone rang five times as well and went to voicemail.

I listened to her voice, wishing it were real before the beep sounded.

"Bella, Im just calling because I'm at your house and you're not here yet. Call me, okay? I know you're probably shopping or something, but I just have this feeling. Um, call me okay?" I said and glanced back down the hall again quickly.

"And I love you," I whispered and hung up.

I heard the water turn off and the Chief moving around.

The staircase creaked as he made his way down, taking his time before he popped his head in.

"You want a soda or something?" he asked, that moustache twitching again.

"Um, no I'm okay, thanks," I said.

He turned and disappeared into the kitchen, coughing loudly before returning with a beer.

"What's the score?" he asked as he eased himself into his chair, sinking into it deep.

"Um, Stanford just scored, but Oregon's leading by 5," I recapped. "Your phone rang a couple of times before you came down."

He raised an eyebrow and took a quick sip of his beer.

"Did you answer it?" he asked, eyes gleaming.

"No, sir," I replied quickly.

He chuckled and nodded.

"Just messing with you, kid. Of course you didn't," he replied. "Billy was supposed to call about fishing tomorrow. I'll call him back in a bit."

I glanced at my phone and frowned again.

"Bella left the store before one. It's been a while, shouldn't she be home by now?" I asked, cringing at how creepy that sounded.

Charlie looked at the clock on the mantle and leaned forward, reaching for the phone.

"That is a little late, even for her," he murmured and dialled up the phone.

He waited and motioned for me to mute the TV.

I did just as he started talking.

"Bells, Dad calling. I got your boy here. If you want to see him alive when you get home, call me."

My eyes widened at his words.

It sounded a lot like a threat.

He wouldn't hurt me, right?

"Kidding, boy. I can't hurt you," he said and took another sip of his beer. "She'd kill me if I did."

His moustache twitched again as he side eyed me again before waving for the remote.

I gladly gave it up.

The king now had his sceptre.

I never understood the watching sports on the TV for hours while you relaxed in a lazyboy.

Emmett could do it for hours.

My ass just got numb.

But rather than upset Chief Swan, I sat straight and watched while Utah slowly fell behind on their passes.

"So."

I blinked at his voice.

I didn't jump.

"Bella really has her heart set on you," he said, his eyes still on the game.

He waited for me to say something.

Um.

What do you say to that?

To the gun toting father if the girl you love?

"She means a lot to me," I managed.

"The world?" he asked, glancing towards me.

Was that a trick question?

Like to see if I was just playing with him, saying all the things guys say to woo a girl.

"Everything, sir," I said.

"What about college? She won't get this scholarship now, so she'll probably stay here for a year to work," he said, his eyes now on me.

"I won't be far. Seattle is just a few hours away," I said and closed my mouth when he shifted in his chair.

"I know I may have acted irrationally the other night. I should have heard you out. But you need to understand. She's my little girl," he said and looked away briefly. "She'll always be my little girl, regardless of what… you know. Whatever you do."

I swallowed and took a deep breath.

Alice had said I needed to show him my heart.

And my faith in her.

"She's very special to me, Chief Swan. I'd never let anything happen to her. I'd take care of her," I said, feeling my feelings for her support my claims.

"Take care of her?" he asked warily. "Do you mean support her, or please her?"

I could feel myself heating up in embarrassment.

I knew what he meant.

"Everything, sir. I want to give her everything. I won't let anything happen to her that she doesn't want," I explained.

"The things that happened to you," he pressed his moustache twitching again. "Did it affect you like your father said?"

I shook my head adamantly and braced myself.

"A lot of things happened to me, Chief Swan. A lot of bad things. A lot of people telling me that I was wrong. Depraved. Sick. It took your daughter to help me see that I am just like any other guy. Better than them, actually. Because I know what it is to hurt. And I'd never wish that on your daughter."

He nodded and watched me for a while.

When he finally spoke, his voice was a little softer than the bad ass cop.

But only a little.

"I don't want anything weird going on in my house. You keep it clean and civil here," he said and then looked me in the eye intently. "And by that I mean that you respect her. No more late night visits or… well. These walls are thin. And I need my sleep. "

He closed his mouth and then opened it again, as an afterthought.

"And don't let me catch you outside or in a public place or in the car or park or… well. You understand me."

"Yes, sir."

He took away just about every fantasy I had with that last statement.

I could live without sneaking into her window. But there was still the clearing at school.

And the janitors closet.

Maybe under the bleachers when the team played a home game.

Her truck again.

"I mean it," he said, pointing at me with the hand that held the beer.

"I agree," I said, nodding.

He nodded and looked up at the clock again, frowning.

"Now you've made me paranoid," he grumbled and picked up the phone again.

It had only been maybe ten minutes since he had last called.

"Bells, I decided not to shoot Edward. But he's worried now, because you haven't called him. Or me. So unless you want me to press charges on him for breaking and entering through the window, you better call."

He smirked at me and hung up, the phone remaining in his hand.

"You can help me trim that tree tomorrow afternoon," he said as he dialled again.

"Um, yes sir," I replied.

Like I said, I could live without sneaking into her room if it meant he'd allow me to see her at all.

"Whitlock, Chief Swan here," he said into the phone. "Is Bella there?"

I waited while he listened, his eyes creasing and glancing towards the window, where we could see the rain was coming down pretty hard again.

"When did she leave?"

Uncomfortable silence and more moustache twitching.

"Down the old Burnt Road?"

I had no idea where that was.

"No she's not here, that's why I called," he said into the phone, standing suddenly.

I was up with him, following him as he walked with purpose towards the kitchen.

"Give me the address…. No I'm not mad at you for sending her…. No, her boyfriend hasn't been able to and neither have I."

What was happening.

My neck was prickling.

The chief poured the rest of his beer down the drain before grabbing the pad of paper off the refrigerator to scribble down an address.

"No that's a pretty busy logging road. I'm sure if she broke down, she would have called or flagged someone down."

Logging road?

I had almost gotten flattened by a logging truck.

They drove too fast.

What if Bella broke down?

What if they…

"All right. Call the lady who ordered it and see if she got there. Then give the station a call so they can relay your call in to me. Oh wait," he said and he looked at me uncomfortably.

"Actually let me give the phone to Edward. You call him. I won't be in my car."

He handed me the phone.

"Give him your number son, I need to go get changed. You're driving."

I took the phone and waited until he was out of the kitchen before I put the phone to my ear.

"Jasper, it's Edward," I said.

"I am so sorry, Edward!" he said immediately. "I rode my bike today. She was just supposed to deliver it and head home. I'll hate myself if something happened!"

"It'll be all right, Jasper. The Chief and I will go looking for her. She'll be allright."

I hoped.

"I gotta call Alice. Give my your number, man. I'll call you back right after I talk with Miss Denali."

Instantly my blood ran cold.

"Denali?" I hissed. "She delivered to a Miss Denali?"

My blood was raging.

Tanya.

Carlisle.

"She needed a birthday cake for a party," Jasper said, his tone suddenly suspicious. "Why?"

"Nevermind," I muttered. "Call me when you reach her."

If you reach her.

I gave him my number and hung up.

"Chief Swan!" I yelled up the stairs. "We need to leave now! It was a trap!"

The Chief was suddenly barrelling down the stairs, back in his uniform, gun belt in his hand.

"What do you mean a trap?" he said, eyebrows knotted.

"The delivery was to Tanya. She was set up! We gotta go!" I exclaimed, my hand already on the door.

He reached for me and held my shoulder.

"It'll be all right, son. I need you to remain calm. I can't take the cruiser. Not with the beer," he grumbled. "But I'll call in Deputy Stevens and see if she can get a head start for us."

"We gotta hurry," I said in a rush. "I know he's behind it! He'll hurt her!"

"We'll get there, grab your car while I call it in,son."

We bolted out into the rain, the Chief to the cruiser to call back up, me to my car to pull it around for him. As soon as he was in the car, we were off.

I couldn't think about speed limits.

even with the Chief in the car.

But he was sure to remind me.

To ground me.

I just needed to get to Bella. To be sure she was safe.

Away from Carlisle.

And Tanya.

"Slow down, son," he said gently. "We won't do any good in a ditch."

I took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel hard, concentrating on the road ahead.

But in my mind, all I could think about was Bella.

What if?

All my fault.

Fucking Carlisle.

Tanya better not touch her.

"Slow down up here and take a left. That's the logging road. You're doing great, kid."

Windshield wipers on high, the rain pelted down hard. Making it more difficult to see. Forcing me to slow down until I growled at the road.

"They can't get far. His car has a antitheft. The station is trying to track it down. We'll find her, son. Slow down for the curve."

Bella.

What had I done?

I had told the Chief I woud take care of her.

And then my life came into play.

If I ever saw Carlisle or Tanya again…

My breathing was fogging up the windows.

"Calmly, Edward. She needs you calm."

Measured breaths.

Like working through the pain.

Except this pain was real.

I could feel my heart tearing.

I'd kill him.

If he hurt her.

I'd kill him.

"Wait, slow down. I see lights up ahead. Fuck."

My heart sped up when I saw the flashing lights.

No.

Shit. No.

Skid marks.

Debris.

"Slow down and pull off over here, Edward."

I slowed down as fast as the wet road would let me and threw the car in park, out of my door before I had the key fully out of the ignition.

The Chief was right beside me.

Heading towards the police car parked across the road.

Beside a steep embankment that was littered with fallen trees.

"Holy Jesus," the Chief breathed and started down the embankment towards a truck.

A giant red big rig on its side.

I saw then that the trees weren't fallen, they were logs.

Timber that had come off the tipped over trailer.

Scattered everywhere.

And through them.

Through the pile and under the trailer….

Red lights.

A glow like brake lights.

Bella.

"Bella?" I croaked, terrified to know if that was her truck under the mess.

Crushed.

"Bella!" I cried out, sliding down the embankment behind the Chief.

"Edward. Stay back. It's slippery and loose here! You could shift the logs!" he called back at me, a dozen feet below me and nearing the cab of the truck.

"Bella!" I shouted from where I stood, gripping onto a severed tree.

The Chief and his deputy, a burly woman were closer to the cab, but had stopped when they heard the logs groan.

"Bella!" I shouted again when they shifted, obscuring the red lights.

"Bella!"

"Edward?"

I cried out at the sound of her voice, somewhere closer to the Chief.

She was alive!

"Bella!" the Chief called and slid a little closer to the cab of the big truck.

"Dad! I'm here!"

A small hand reached out of the sideways cab and I was sliding down. Logs be damned.

I was never letting Bella go again.

"Bella!" the Chief and I both called as we came within feet of the truck.

If he was mad because I had disobeyed him, he didn't show it. He simply helped me as we both slid towards the windshield of the overturned big rig.

"Dad? Edward?" she called.

"We're right here, Bells. Stay still, we'll get you out!" the Chief called.

The hand disappeared and I felt a moments panic.

"Bella!"

"I'm okay!" she called and relief spread through me.

Okay, but in an overturned truck.

Where was her truck? How did she get out from under the logs?

"The driver is hurt! I can't move him," she called.

"All right, we'll get him out, Bells. Are you okay?" the Chief called.

As we wiped away at the windshield, I caught sight of her face through the mud.

Dirty, a little bloody by her forehead.

But suddenly smiling as she caught sight of me.

"Edward."

"I'm here," I said, perhaps not loud enough for her to here. "We'll get you out, Bella."

The chief and I worked to peel back the windshield, with the help of the crowbar that Deputy Stevens had grabbed. It took a little work, we had to be careful so as not to shift too much. We had no idea how stable the ground was.

"Bella?" Deputy Stevens called as we worked. "What do the injuries look like for the driver?"

Bella looked down and I could now see an older man trapped down near the passenger side.

"Broken arm I think. And his leg. He was pinned but we got him loose. I just can't pull him out. He hit his head too I think," she relayed, like a little Chief.

Even in the face of terror, she was so calm.

The windshield gave, allowing us access to her.

"Grab my hand, Bells," the Chief was saying.

She reached out and grabbed, her lithe body coming to us easily.

The sound of the logs creaking made us all freeze.

The trailer was still attached to the rig, and everything could easily continue down the hillside. As soon as the creaking stopped, the Chief was pushing Bella into my arms, his face serious.

"Get her up and out of here," he said, eyes piercing, moustache stock-still. "Take care of my little girl."

I nodded, my own eyes conveying the unspoken pledge to him.

I held her close as we slowly made our way up the slope, my hands holding her gingerly in case she was hurt where I couldn't see.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she murmured and clutched at me.

"I'm never leaving you again," I said, my voice gravelly.

"It was all so fast. And then the driver was screaming…."

We reached the top of the hill and I pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I almost lost you," I whispered. "I can't believe Tanya."

"How do you know about that?" she asked into my shoulder.

"We called Jasper. We were worried," I said into her hair.

It smelled like trees and brakes.

She was alive.

I couldn't resist her anymore.

I gently took her scraped chin in my fingers and tipped her head up to mine, my lips capturing hers a gently as I could, given the maelstrom of feelings coursing through me.

Alive.

Against all odds.

Alive.

In my arms.

Free from all the carnage below.

I held her a little more tightly than I probably should have.

But I was never letting her go again.

Never.

She was in my arms and on my lips and I would never let go.

"You came for me," she said against my lips.

"I couldn't stand it… if you…"

"You saved me," she whimpered into my mouth.

"Bella," I groaned.

I kissed her all over again. Along her cheek, tasting everything, back to her mouth that tasted still like Bella.

I could breathe again with her here.

Safe from harm.

With me.

"How did you get out from under all these logs?" I asked when I pulled away to let her breathe, glancing down at the dim brake lights under the pile.

"I didn't," she said and pulled away enough to look down at the pile.

I looked down at the pile with her, boggled.

We heard a slight creaking and turned to see the cab move.

Chief Swan and Deputy Stevens had the driver on their shoulders, clear of the wreckage finally and on their way up. They cleared the debris as it started to shift again.

"You all right, Bells?" the Chief asked, pulling her into a tight embrace.

I'd only let go of her for him.

"Yeah, Dad. Scraped up, the truck took the brunt of it," she said, her eyes searching for me around his arm.

My hand on instinct reached out for her. Touching her to know she was here.

"It looks like it," he murmured and looked down at the wreck.

"How did you get out Bella?" I asked again, her arms wrapping around me as she stepped away from her father.

He looked at me as if he had been thinking the same thing.

"I crashed about 100 yards down the road, on the other side," she said quietly, her eyes troubled.

I turned back to the pile of timber. I saw the faint glow of taillights flicker.

"That's not your truck?"

She shook her head and looked up at me with unreadable eyes.

"No. It's your father's car."

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: Ok Doky. We all know that Bella's all right, right? *doting smile* so many reviews terrified I would hurt her badly. I could never hurt dear sweet Bella….**

**Dr. Creepy on the other hand… I always loved playing "pile the Lincoln Logs on my brother's Tonkas"!**

**I posted a teaser of BPOV next chapter on the Bio Project Facebook page and on my FB timeline.**

**You can find me here:**

**H t t p s : / / www . Facebook . com / holdme . ransom**

**Bella POV by Wednesday!**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews! You guys are simply the best readers a writer could have!**

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	66. Chapter 66

**Hello my dears! A little late, please forgive. Wrapping up things with my students as they finish their finals. **

**This chapter grew and grew… and well, it's a little angsty I guess. We'll get through this and put Dr. Creepy behind us, shall we?**

**Passenger Seat- Death Cab for Cutie**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 66: Death seemed….too easy.**

**BPOV**

_Edward._

His beautiful green eyes looking down at me.

Concerned.

Lips moving.

But I couldn't hear him.

_Edward._

Edward.

"Edward!" I cried out, my eyes opening to the sight of grey.

And rain and muted green.

My head hurt, but the cold glass I leaned against helped the pain. I blinked to try and gather my surroundings.

Everything came back to me in a rush, as if I had never been unconscious.

The rain.

The chase.

The truck barrelling down on us.

Where was Dr. Creepy?

I panicked for a moment, the seat belt hard to unlatch with my cold fingers and pressure of my body against it. It finally gave, forcing me forward into the wheel because of the steep angle of the truck.

I shifted carefully, not sure if I was injured and just high on adrenaline.

I felt sore, my forehead hurt, but I could move with relative ease. And thankfully, I couldn't see any blood.

I was alive.

How I didn't know.

How long had I been out?

Only minutes?

Hours?

It was still light out, but the rain was steady, making it hard to see, even though one windshield wiper valiantly tried to do its job over the half intact windshield. It could do little bent half back on itself though.

I needed to get out.

Where was my phone?

I looked for my bag, only to realize it must have disappeared out the windshield that lay shattered everywhere from the impact. Was it like that before I had passed out?

I scrambled towards the door, hearing the truck creak and groan with my movement.

Nothing like last night, this groan was like the last throes of an animal beaten to its last breath.

My truck.

My poor truck.

I fought to get the door open but the branches of the trees that had stopped me held it tight.

Nothing to do but gingerly crawl through the window.

I tumbled out, surprised I hadn't cut myself on the glass.

Looking at my truck from outside, I knew it was done for.

Tires caved in, the front hood crumpled on the corner where an immense tree had blocked it.

It had done its job. My faithful truck had been my wrapper.

It was wrapped around the tree instead of me.

I felt the bruising on my hips from the seat belt as I sat there looking at the truck carcass.

I knew if I hadn't worn it, I'd be dead.

But I wasn't.

And I needed to get home.

Call.

Find help.

Anything that would get me back to Edward.

Let him know, I was all right.

So I stood, ignored the soreness, ignored the rain.

I looked for my backpack, but with the rain and the debris, it was too hard to find.

I'd have to figure something else out. Find someone on the road. There must be someone there to help?

So I slowly made my way up the scarred swath that had been our destructive path off the road.

My truck had made quite a path.

Surely someone on the road should have found me by now?

How long was I out?

What had happened to the logging truck?

Or Dr. Cullen?

I clawed my way up the path, my hands sticky from the sap of the broken branches I grabbed onto, my clothes muddy from slipping one too many times.

I couldn't hike on a good day.

And this most certainly was far from good.

The trees and debris thinned, the path less vertical as the road came into view.

Where I was met with quiet.

Eerie quiet.

Where was everyone?

How long was I out?

And then I saw it.

The skid marks.

The broken bits of headlights.

And then the smoke a hundred feet or so back the way we had come.

And then a noise.

A moan.

A call for help. Muffled in the trees ahead.

So eerily quiet.

Save for a man's voice.

Calling.

Help.

Walk away?

Or help?

What did I do?

The rain beat down a little harder.

Chilling me.

Walk for help?

Or ….

The voice again, more panicked decided it for me.

Against the fear in my head that I was walking towards a trap, stumbled towards the smoke.

The voice was clearer as I crossed the road and started towards the edge of the pavement where the marks continued before disappearing into the brush.

My heart sped up as I looked over the side and took in the scene below.

A large brown scar cut into the brush where the big logging truck must have crashed through and down the same steep embankment I had careened down. But he was larger and did more damage as the truck and the trailer full of logs had tumbled. The logs had come loose from their bindings on the trailer, scattered everywhere, a concentration of them piled up in what appeared to be a messy mound of giant pick up sticks. It seemed that pile was the only thing keeping the entire truck from sliding down the hill.

The smoke I had seen lazily rose from somewhere in the center of the pile. The rain was falling a little harder once more, dissolving the smoke slowly. Whatever was burning under the logs was being extinguished by the water. But I could see red beneath, like lights.

I felt a chill run through me and I looked around again, at the trail of debris and at what was missing.

The black Mercedes was no where to be found.

I searched the road left and right with my eyes.

These were the only tracks that led to anything. And some of the broken glass on the road looked high end.

Oh my god.

I stepped gingerly towards the brush, afraid at any moment that Dr. Creepy would pop out and grab at me, like they do in those scary movies.

The bad guy never truly died.

They always popped up when you least expected it.

"Anyone out there!"

I startled at the sound of a man's voice.

For an instant I thought it was him.

"Anyone?"

From the cab of the big rig.

The truck driver.

I made my way carefully towards the truck, the path slippery from the upturned ground and hard rain.

"Hello?"

"I'm here!" I called out. "I'm coming to you!"

As soon as I called out, my feet slipped and I found myself sliding down the hill towards the pile of logs. I cried out, feeling the branches and rocks scraping my legs as I slid. I grabbed at anything to slow me down, knowing if I didn't I would run into the trailer where it attached to the truck. The ground levelled out slightly before I hit, slowing my descent. My feet slid just a few feet from where the first tumbled log lay.

I groaned and slowly moved to get up, my clothes now soaked through and heavy with mud. When I found enough purchase to stand I paused and looked back down towards the pile and those red lights, mere feet from me now.

It was clear from here what was there.

Black. Sleek. And crushed.

I could see glass and bent metal where the trailer had trapped the car, a good portion of the front end buried under the weight.

The windshield peeked out from the connection between the trailer and the car. Crushed and exposing everything inside.

I choked at the sight.

A shock of blonde.

A lot of red.

No movement.

I stood stock still, trying to determine if that was really true.

I was close enough that I could see the blood as it slid down Dr. Cullen's neck.

I should be able to see movement.

None.

Eyes closed.

Head at an awkward angle.

I felt nauseas.

I was never good with blood.

But this was so much more.

How should I feel?

Glee?

Terror?

Anger?

"Are you out there?"

The voice of the trucker pulled me out of my swimming thoughts.

I had to focus on what I could do, not on what was beyond me.

The trucker might have a CB. We could call for help.

Maybe Dr. Cullen was alive.

Maybe someone could save him.

I turned from the wreckage towards the truck, my mind pushing away my conflicting feelings about the man who had hurt Edward being saved.

He was still Edward's dad.

After it all.

Save what could be saved.

Deal with the rest later.

I reached the front of the truck, lying on its side and making it difficult to save anyone with the door on the top.

"I'm here!" I called. "Are you all right?"

"I'm stuck, and I think I broke my arm," he replied. "You're alone?"

I looked back once more towards Dr. Cullen.

I was.

"It's just you and me. We need to call for help."

"I tried to get to my radio," he called. "I can't reach the transmitter where I'm at."

I swallowed and moved towards the front of the truck. The windshield was cracked, but secure. I'd have to climb up to see what I could do.

"I'm coming up," I called and moved to grab onto anything that could help me.

I struggled, my arms and legs aching from the impact and climbing.

The adrenaline was wearing off and the cold was starting to hurt.

But as soon as I pulled one leg over the door of the truck, sitting astride the tipped vehicle, I got a burst of new adrenaline when the truck shifted slightly.

The driver and I both let out a cry.

The truck settled quickly, the pile and the Mercedes seeming to hold us in place.

What did that mean for Dr. Cullen?

"You have to move slowly," the man said in the cab.

I looked down to find an older man at the bottom of the cab, what would have been the passenger side. He looked like he had tumbled around in the cab, as if he had not been wearing his seatbelt. His rough looking face was only made rougher by the cuts and bruises mixed in around his greying beard. His left arm was most definitely broken.

I was going to pass out if I looked too long.

"Climb down slow," he said, his voice gravelly and full of pain.

I did as he said, breathing heavily by the time I had wedged myself between the stick shift and the separation between the two seats, essentially standing over the driver.

"The radio is there," he said and nodded towards the dash, grimacing as he did so.

"Can you move at all?" I asked as I leaned carefully towards the dash and grabbed the hand piece to the CB.

He shook his head and looked down at his legs. I saw then that his right leg looked wedged under the seat. He almost looked bent in two.

"Channel 8," he said. "That's the loggers band. Everyone should hear you on that."

I fiddled with the knobs until the radio read channel eight and started calling out for help.

I had heard Charlie on the radio enough to know when to listen and when to talk. It was almost immediate that someone answered.

"Do you know where you ran off the road, miss?" the voice asked.

I looked at the driver.

He grimaced and shifted slightly.

"I think around marker 15," he hissed. "Tell them the straight away."

I relayed the info, the person on the other side telling us help was on the way.

I wondered suddenly if it would be Charlie that got the call.

He wouldn't know it was me until he got here.

Then he'd freak out.

"I need to get out of this," the man said, trying to move again.

We heard the truck creak slightly and we both froze.

How long before it slid?

I looked down at the man and he seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"I've got a crow bar in here somewhere," he was saying. Looking around briefly we finally found it buried behind the seats.

"I don't want to move to much," I said, beginning to grow more and more frightened of going down the hill to my death.

Edward.

I held my breath to keep from crying.

The idea I might never see Edward again was enough to make me want to climb out again.

But the man was stuck.

And this hadn't been his fault.

I took a deep breath and focused on him.

Help was on the way.

We just needed to get through the next little bit.

I eased myself inch by inch down to where he was at, doing as he instructed to slowly pry the seat up a little so that we could release his leg trapped underneath. It was stop and start for several minutes, listening to the truck settling, praying it didn't move and then moving very slowly before stopping again.

It felt like we had been at it for an hour when he was finally able to free himself.

"We did it," I said, sighing in relief.

"We still need to climb out," he said, crying out in pain when he adjusted his leg. His face looked ashen, and he was starting to sweat.

"You need to stop moving," I said and adjusted to give him room. "You're going into shock."

He looked up at me with slightly glazed eyes and nodded.

"I feel weird. The pain in my leg is more," he muttered, and swallowed thickly.

I was beginning to wonder if I had perhaps not done the right thing in releasing him. I could have opened up a pinched artery somewhere and he was bleeding internally now.

Stupid.

First rule, don't move the injured.

"You should get out of here, kid," he mumbled, wiggling his good hand towards the door above us.

"I can't leave you," I said.

My conscience wouldn't allow it.

His injuries were not his fault.

Not mine either really.

"Go on. Help is on the way," he whispered, his eyes getting dull.

"You need to stay awake. You need to," I said hurriedly.

"Bella!"

I froze.

Had I just heard my name?

"BELLA!"

"Bella!"

My breath caught at the voices.

"Edward?" I called out, unsure if my ears were just playing tricks.

That my own shock was settling in.

"Bella!"

Another voice. Closer. Charlie.

"Dad! I'm here!" I called out and climbed up enough to push my hand out of the door so they could see where we were.

I heard both of their voices now, calling my name.

I was in shock.

I had to be.

"Dad? Edward?" I called out again.

"We're right here Bells! Stay still, we'll get you out!"

I heaved a sigh of relief and relaxed carefully, listening for them as they approached.

Edward called out again, sounding so worried.

"I'm okay!" I called again. "The driver is hurt! I can't move him!"

I looked down at the driver, whose eyes were half closed now, nearly unconscious. We had to move quickly.

I saw the movement before I heard them in front of the truck, a hand wiping away the mud on the windshield.

As soon as I saw Edward, I knew I was all right.

I relayed what was wrong with the driver, my eyes never leaving Edward as he and Charlie worked to pry away the windshield. I could only smile at them as the windshield slowly gave way.

Charlie helped me out, and immediately handed me off to Edward.

Into his warm arms.

It was the sound of the trailer groaning that pushed Charlie into action.

He ordered Edward to get me to safety. And then I was moving back up the hill, with Edward there to protect me and keep me from falling.

I was so tired all the sudden.

And I ached everywhere.

"I thought 'd never see you again," I whispered as he pulled me close.

He felt so good.

Safe.

Protecting.

Edward.

"I can't believe Tanya," he spat out over my head.

"How did you know about that?" I asked against him.

He looked tired and pained.

"We called Jasper, we were worried," he replied.

Poor Jasper.

He'd be a mess I was sure.

So many people.

So much pain and conflict.

Was it over now?

I couldn't think about that. My head was a little fuzzy now and Edward felt too good against me. Warm and safe.

He tipped my head up and kissed me gingerly.

I could only imagine how I looked If it was anywhere close to how I felt, it was bad.

His kiss deepened, and I was lost in words and lips and the feeling that this could have been gone in an instant.

"You all right, Bells?"

I pulled away from Edward to feel my dad's arm wrap around me tight.

He had made it out of the truck with the driver.

My dad was a hero.

"Just scraped up. The truck took the brunt of it," I replied, trying to play off my injuries.

I wasn't that bad.

"How did you get out, Bella?" Edward asked.

Both of them were looking down towards the pile, and underneath, where the brake lights seemed much more obscured.

Dr. Cullen.

"I crashed about a 100 yards back down the road. On the other side," I said, thinking about how lucky I had been that I hadn't gone down with this mess.

That could have been me down there.

"That's not your truck?"

I shook my head and looked up at him, finding it hard to put feelings to what I had to say.

Dr. Cullen was a bad man.

But still, he was Edward's father.

However twisted he was, he was still that.

What would Edward's reaction be?

What was mine?

"No, it's your father's car," I said, my voice quiet.

He looked from me to the pile for a second, his grip tightening on me as if in turmoil.

I could see it in his eyes.

Every emotion.

Terror.

Rage.

Pain.

Confusion.

I felt him pulling away, as if he might move to go down there.

"You can't help him," I whispered.

He looked down at me with wild eyes.

"Is he?" he croaked, afraid to say the last word.

"I… I don't know," I whispered and held onto him a little harder. "It was too dangerous to try and go down there."

He looked back down again, conflicted.

"So he could still be…"

"I don't know, Edward."

He took a step towards the edge.

"I need to…"

"It's too dangerous, Edward," I said in a rush and pulled at him, to bring him back to me. "It can go anytime. It's been shifting since I got here."

"She's right, Edward," my dad said behind us. "We've got fire crews and an ambulance on the way. We'll figure out how to get your father out."

"But I," he stammered, his words cutting off as he pulled me closer, his mouth against the top of my head.

"He did this, didn't he?" he whispered.

I couldn't see his face, he had pulled me against him, but I could feel him shaking.

"Bells, let's get you over to the car," Charlie said and nudged us a little to get us moving. "We can talk in the warmth."

Edward pulled me along, his head still turned toward the debris as we walked.

With the truck driver in the police cruiser, Edward steered me towards his car across the road.

"I'm muddy," I argued, not wanting to get his car filthy.

"I couldn't care less about my car, Bella," he said, his voice terse.

I had never heard him so forceful.

He let out a long breath and opened the door for me.

"You're far more important than some car," he added, his voice back to the soft tone I knew.

He and Charlie helped me into the passenger seat, my body much stiffer than I realized. I was definitely coming down from the rush. I closed my eyes briefly while Edward and Charlie murmured just outside, Charlie's voice growing loud enough that I reopened my eyes to see what was going on. Edward was pointing back towards the wreck, whereas Charlie was motioning to me.

Charlie caught my eye and he offered me a gentle smile before opening up the door and leaning in.

"Edward is going to take you to the hospital, Bells," he said and put up his hand when I made to object. "You need to get looked at, even if you think you're okay. I'll come in with the truck driver when the ambulance has him squared away."

"I'm really okay, Dad," I said, even though I could feel every part of me rebelling consciousness.

"Then you'll get out that much faster. Drive carefully, Edward," he replied, his eyes searching out Edward's before Edward slipped into the seat. Charlie nodded to me and closed the door once Edward was settled.

I looked at Edward, whose hands were gripping the steering wheel tight. His eyes locked on his hands and he sat tense in his seat.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered.

He blinked and turned his head towards me, his eyes still troubled.

"You don't have any reason to be sorry, Bella," he said quietly. "I should be apologizing to you. Every time. Every interference in your life has been because of me."

"Not you," I corrected. "Just events surrounding you. And if that was an issue, I would have run a long time ago, Edward."

"He's dead down there, isn't he," he murmured, turning back towards the wreck.

"I couldn't see," I replied, leaning in to touch his hand that had turned white knuckled on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry. I couldn't get close."

He shook his head and swallowed thickly.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to," he whispered. "You don't have to tell me what happened, Charlie told me what the driver said. And you certainly don't have to apologize about my dad. He made his own bed. Now he's lying in it."

He started up the car, and pulled out without another word.

My dad watched us for a moment as we drove away, and then turned back towards the wreckage just as the fire trucks arrived. I knew Charlie was trying to get us both out of the way before they recovered the body.

It would only be more difficult to deal with if we stayed and watched.

For all of Dr. Cullen's faults, I wasn't sure I could wish death on him.

Many, many years of jail time with a roomie named Bubba, yes.

But death seemed….

Too easy.

It disturbed me that I would think like that about Edward's father.

Edward had to be hurting.

He had to be upset about losing his dad.

Would he blame me?

With everything that had happened, and Edward's mood, I thought that perhaps he might.

I watched him as he drove, much slower than he usually did, even with the rain letting up. He didn't turn to glance at me, only concentrated on the road ahead, jaw clenched and eyes searing through the windshield.

He was upset and there was nothing I could do.

I could only watch.

And hurt.

Because I couldn't find any sympathy for Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

And now I felt responsible for Edward losing his lousy father.

When would this all stop?

When would things be better?

"You need to stay awake, Bella. We're almost there," Edward said, jogging my brain back to watching him.

His jaw was still tense, but his eyes were more concerned than outraged.

"I'm awake," I murmured, adjusting in my seat with a groan. "I'm really not so bad."

He grunted and glanced at me as we stopped at the stop light in town. His eyes roamed from my head and down, grimacing as they travelled.

I'm sure I looked like hell.

Dirty and my clothing torn from the branches.

But I was fine.

"We're almost there," he mumbled and turned back to the road, reaching out one hand to find mine. He laid it in his lap and I enjoyed taking comfort in his warmth.

I was cold.

Probably from the wet clothes and not shock.

It still worried him when he noticed I was shivering. He pulled his hand away from mine to turn up the heat to full.

"Stay awake, Bella," he said again, rubbing at my hand to keep me alert.

I nodded groggily and tried to keep my eyes open.

All too soon, we were pulling in to the parking lot of the hospital. Edward leapt out of the car to come around to help me out, his arms cradling me carefully until I could get my legs beneath me.

I was _fine_.

He was worrying too much.

Which only grew worse when the nurse told him he had to wait in the waiting room.

I looked back at him and tried to smile, but it was hard, knowing how emotional he had to be.

We disappeared into the exam room, the nurse asking if I was all right to change into the hospital gown.

"Honestly, I am much better than I look," I replied, easing my muddy shoes off and trying not to groan at how my legs ached.

"We'll see once we get some of the mud off you," she retorted and left the room to let me change.

Peeling away my clothes made me realize that I was a little more bruised and bumped up than I had thought. But I reminded myself, it could have been much, much worse.

A knock on the door and the nurse was back along with a doctor, a young woman whom I had seen come into the bakery once or twice. She looked up from her patient record and her eyes widened slightly.

"Chief Swan's girl," she said, I assume to the nurse. "Vehicle accident?"

Both the nurse and I nodded.

"All right, let's get you looked over and patched up," she said and soon the nurse and the doctor were working to get me cleaned up, examining the cuts and scrapes along my body from my fall, and finally to my head where the skin was tender by my hairline.

The doctor finally pulled away and nodded, offering me a kind smile.

"Nothing broken, which is good. But you're going to be sore for a while," she summarized.

_Like I had said. _

"Your bump on your head is going to bruise up some more, but there are no signs of a concussion. But you should take it easy for a few days. I can give you some pain medicine if you like," she continued.

"Sure, I guess so," I replied and sat up from the table. "So I can go home?"

She smiled again.

"I don't think you want to go home in those clothes. Is there someone waiting for you in the waiting room?" she asked.

I frowned and nodded.

"Edward Cullen," I said and watched as her eyebrow rose. "But he doesn't have any clothes for me, I'm sure. I can just wear these."

I reached for my clothes just as there was a knock on the door.

"One moment," the doctor said to me and turned to the door.

"These are for Bella."

I leaned to see who was at the door, surprised to see Alice Whitlock there. She nodded to me.

"They may be a little short in the pants, but I had them handy," she said and stepped inside.

She handed me what looked like really nice workout gear and rubbed my back soothingly.

"Edward called me. He was a little distraught," she explained.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "Can you please let Jasper know I'm okay?"

She chuckled and nodded.

"You can tell him yourself. He's in the waiting room keeping Edward from busting through here," she replied.

I nodded and moved to stand.

"I'll walk you out when you're ready," Alice said and walked out with the doctor and the nurse, leaving me to change.

As soon as I opened the door, I saw Alice had indeed waited.

"Are you all right?" she asked, turning me towards the lobby.

I shrugged.

"I guess. How's Edward holding up?" I asked.

"He's upset, but I think he'll be better as soon as he sees you. I'd expect he'll be a little clingy for a while. Be patient," she replied.

I nodded and let out a long breath.

"I feel bad, not being able to comfort him," I said, looking at her and her confused expression.

"Because of what happened?"

"Because of his dad," I replied.

"What about his dad?" she asked, her eyes growing a little steely.

I stopped before we went through the door leading out to the lobby and turned to her.

"He's still at the crash site," I replied, looking down. "I couldn't tell Edward whether he was alive or not."

"Oh," she said, taking a deep breath. "I didn't know. He was with you?"

"No, he followed me. Tried running me off the road," I said, and detailed briefly what had happened. And how I had possibly killed his father.

I felt her hands on my shoulder grip me lightly, drawing my gaze back to hers.

"Bella, this wasn't your fault. And more, it wasn't Edward's either. Both of you are going to feel some measure of responsibility for this, and you shouldn't. Dr. Cullen brought this on himself. I can understand both of you being upset that he is still there, and not knowing," she said.

I looked down again and sighed.

"That's the thing," I said. "I don't really feel anything."

"Oh," she said, clearly surprised. "Well, I can understand that too. Look, Bella. You both need to just worry about getting home and resting. I am sure your feelings are part of the shock of it all."

I simply nodded.

I didn't really want to explain this further.

I was tired and Edward was worried.

The sooner I got home, the better.

"Call me, maybe next week late. I would love to talk with you. Talk with you both," she said and leaned in to hug me.

I turned from her and led the way out to the lobby. Upon seeing me, Jasper and Edward were on their feet and rushing towards us.

"Bella," Jasper said, holding me carefully between the shoulders and wincing as if it had been he that was in the crash. "I am so sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay, Jasper. I know you didn't know. I'm all right, really," I said, trying to put him at ease.

"I should have never," he said and clenched his jaw closed, turning towards Alice as if for guidance.

"I think," she said, coming to stand next to me, "that we should let Bella get home and get some rest. Things will be much better with a little rest."

Jasper nodded and slowly released me, allowing Edward to pull me towards him, his tense stance relaxing as soon as he was touching me again.

We said our goodbyes to the Whitlocks and once again, I was in Edward's car, safely tucked into the seat as he pulled out carefully. We were quiet in the car, my feelings running rampant in my head, while he remained stiff as he drove.

What did I say?

What could I say?

We pulled up to my house in silence, Edward parking in the driveway so that I didn't have far to walk. I thanked him quietly as he helped me up the stairs. But every second he was quiet, I was unravelling.

I didn't want him to blame me.

I wanted him to grieve.

Or to scream in anger.

Or cry.

Something.

But instead he was quiet and tense.

The only emotion I could see was worry. For me.

We stepped inside to the warm house and I leaned against him, so incredibly tired.

Without a word, he picked me up and held me close as he walked up the steps, taking me to the bathroom. He held me until he could feel me standing on my own and then made himself busy turning on the water.

"Do you need me to?" he asked, touching the hem of my shirt tentatively.

I shook my head and looked down.

I didn't want him to see all the bruises and cuts.

"I'll go get you some clothes then," he whispered and retreated out of the door, leaving me to strip and step into the shower.

I heard him a moment later, opening the door and in the shadow of the curtain I watched him bend over to leave my clothes on the bench before disappearing through the door again.

I washed slowly, trying to come to terms with the heaviness I was feeling inside me.

I couldn't describe why I was feeling it.

But I felt out of control and sad and fearful. Overwhelmed now that I was in the safety of my home.

Safe.

From Edward's father.

From Edward's ex-lover.

I was safe and yet I still felt the lingering fear of the crash, and could still see Dr. Cullen in his car.

Yet my feelings had nothing to do with him there.

It was so much to deal with.

I needed to pull myself together before I got out of the shower.

I needed to be strong for Edward.

For me.

Maybe it was the shock.

Because I found myself crying against the wall of the shower. I don't know what for. Just the culmination of the day.

I wasn't crying for Dr. Cullen.

Maybe I was crying for Edward.

Or maybe I was just crying because it felt good to get it all out.

Because it did feel good. My emotions were a mess.

I heard the door open again, and I wiped at my face. It was ridiculous, my face was already wet.

"Bella?" Edward called from the other side of the curtain. His hand was touching the curtain, as if he meant to pull it back.

"I'm okay," I said, cringing at how rough my voice was.

"You're crying."

"No."

He sighed and I could see him lower his head in the shadow.

"I'm ready to get out," I announced, hoping he would give me just a couple more minutes.

But he remained there by the curtain.

"I'm not leaving," he said finally. "I can dry you off."

"I don't want you to see me, Edward," I replied, covering myself awkwardly.

He sighed again and nodded before I saw him step away.

"I'll close my eyes then," he said.

I wasn't going to win.

"Edward," I said, exasperated.

"I'm not leaving you again," he replied.

I turned and shut off the water, throwing back the curtain to find him with his hands outstretched with a towel, his eyes shut.

I smiled at his effort.

I took the towel from his fingertips and wrapped them around my torso, touching his cheek when I was done. He opened his eyes and looked down at me sadly, one hand coming up to wipe at my cheek gently.

"Please don't cry," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back, leaning into him so he could hold me. "I just needed to."

"Okay. But I'm here now. We're together. I promise it will be better," he whispered.

I stood in his arms for a while before he finally cleared his throat and took a step back.

"I promised your father that I would take care of you. We should get you changed and in bed," he murmured.

I nodded and was relieved when he stepped out to let me change.

I found him a minute later in my bedroom, the blankets already turned down for me.

I smiled and slowly slid into bed, happy to be there finally.

I was comforted when he slid in beside me.

No asking.

He just knew.

I needed his comfort. And he was there for me.

I wrapped my arm around his chest and buried my face in close to his shoulder. I really needed this.

Like he had said I grounded him, I knew he did the same for me.

"Your dad said he'd call when he got to the hospital with my dad," he said into the darkness.

"I thought he was going with the driver?" I asked.

Edward sighed and stroked at my arm absently.

"He decided to stay," he whispered. "He told me he'd stay until the got him out."

"I wanted to help him, Edward," I said, moving to see him, but he held me to him.

"I didn't."

"What do you mean, you didn't?" I asked and this time I was able to move until I saw his face.

I was a mixture of pain and anger once more.

"I didn't want to save him, Bella," he said, his eyes finding me at the last. "I know I should have, but I didn't."

I relaxed back into him, my arms holding him a little harder.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"I should be upset," he said. "Or sad. But I'm not. Not about him. I'm just upset that he almost took you from me."

"He couldn't ever do that," I said.

"No. But he tried," he said, his chest rising and falling a little harder. "I'm not upset that he can't do that anymore."

"We don't know if he's dead or not," I said.

"Doesn't matter, he won't ever be free to do anything again," he said and I could hear the determination in his voice.

We were quiet for a time, my eyes growing heavy.

"Get some sleep, Bella," he whispered and I felt his lips brush across my hair.

"Don't leave, okay?"

"I'm never leaving you again. Get some rest, Bella," he replied and held me a little closer.

It was quiet again, Edward's hearbeat the only sound in my ear.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I didn't feel anything when I saw him. Only that you might be upset to lose him," I murmured. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not, Bella," he replied. "Maybe we'll feel something tomorrow when we know."

"Maybe," I replied and felt him relax under me.

"I'm not sorry," he whispered and held me tight. "I'm not sorry. I have you, and that's what matters."

I lay there against him, pretending to be asleep until I heard my dad come in.

It was late.

I heard his footsteps on the stairs, heard him step towards my door. Edward shifted, his body slowly sliding out of the bed.

"Did you get him out?" Edward whispered.

My dad didn't say anything, I assumed he nodded when I heard Edward let out a breath.

"And?" he asked quietly.

Charlie cleared his throat quietly and let out a long sigh.

"He's gone, son," he said. "I'm sorry. There wasn't anything that could be done."

Edward was quiet a moment as he took in the information.

"I'd like to stay here, with Bella. If that's okay," Edward requested.

Charlie shifted his feet, making the floorboards squeak.

"That's fine," he replied, much to my surprise. "Esme asked if you might be able to stay. She's at the hospital."

_Oh. _

"Thank you, sir."

I heard the door close, and Edward's body come back to slide in against me, holding me close.

I wrapped my arm around his and squeezed him tight, hearing him let out a soft breath.

"That's it," he said into my hair.

"We'll go together to go take care of Esme, okay?" I asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

I felt him relax against me and I drifted off, feeling safer than I had in a long while.

We'd be all right.

Edward and I.

We had each other.

No one could take that from us.

Not anyone.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I didn't think this chapter would get this long… But they both have to work out what they are feeling about Dr. Creepy. **

**A lot of people wanted him to end up in jail. To pay for his sins. **

**But I'd like Bella and Edward to move forward, without the idea of him lingering somewhere. Karma's a bitch, Carlisle. Rest in Peace. Edward and Bella are already moving on. That's the last of the drama. (yes, I'll touch on Tanya next chapter, but I don't expect to bring her back…ever again)**

**More soon. **

**Better times to come! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	67. Chapter 67

**Hello again! Another chapter to finish the weekend. **

**But looky, we're close to chapter 69! *snickers like schoolboy* **

**So lets get through the formalities so we can get back to the fun, shall we?**

**Warmer Climate- Snow Patrol**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 67: A shock… Tragic… He will be missed.**

**EPOV**

I didn't sleep much.

Not because I was afraid or excited or anything to deal with the fact that I was spending the night beside Bella.

No.

I was awake because my mind was battling with my feelings.

I knew Bella had been in shock. That's why she was so numb to reacting.

It had to have been horrible seeing my dad there in his car, dying or already dead.

After what she had gone through with him.

Why the hell was he trying to chase her down to begin with?

What had been his plan?

Why did my feelings seem so mixed up?

I hated him.

No, that wasn't true.

I hated what he had become.

I lay there in bed beside the woman I loved, knowing that this was going to change things when we got up in the morning.

I'd have to face my feelings.

Bella mumbled softly in her sleep, her body shuddering for a moment against me.

She had been having nightmares all night.

I supposed it was to be expected.

After all she went through.

I held her close and whispered into her ear, calming her shaking until she let out a soft moan and fell back into a fitful sleep.

I stayed awake.

Looking up at her ceiling and thinking about where everything had gone wrong with my dad.

Times had been better.

When I was little, and remembering Carlisle playing catch with us some nights when he wasn't working doubles.

Or helping us with our science fair projects when I was ten.

He didn't build us that tree house. But that was because he worried about our safety.

He had worked hard to make sure his family was well taken care of.

I remembered a time when he still kissed Esme. That was long ago though.

He wanted us to be like him when we grew up.

Meaning obviously doctors.

Not the other thing.

We had lived for so long not knowing about his other life.

Tanya had been at our house since she was a teenager.

She baby-sat for us.

I couldn't think about what that meant all those years ago.

Had Carlisle been screwing her, even then?

When had he stopped loving…. Us?

I closed my eyes to those thoughts.

There had been some good times.

But you never really knew people it seemed.

The man I had known as my dad died a long time ago.

Perhaps that was why I was having trouble finding that grief that people expected.

How do you grieve for someone who was foreign to you? Who had given up on you a long time ago? Who had openly worked to condemn and destroy you, and your love?

I watched the sun slowly track its way up the sky.

Some things I didn't have an answer for.

Instead, I watched and held Bella, hoping that my presence comforted her from the nightmares.

I turned my head and acknowledged the Chief when he poked his head in to check on us.

I had made sure to stay in my jeans and above the covers, even though Bella was cuddled against me. He nodded and his moustache barely twitched before he stepped away, purposefully leaving the door cracked a few inches.

I had to respect the Chief.

He loved his daughter. And looked out for her when she needed it. He was a father figure that one could learn from.

I sighed and held Bella a little while longer before I slid out from under her to gather my things. I really needed to go home and shower before we went to the hospital.

Esme might not even be there any more.

How long did it take to make arrangements for a body?

I tiptoed down the stairs, finding the Chief in the kitchen at the table.

"Morning," he mumbled, looking up at me as I stood in the doorway. "You look like hell. Come have a cup of coffee with me."

I shuffled towards the table, laying my jacket and shoes on the chair before going to grab a cup of coffee. I could feel the Chief's eyes on me, but it didn't unnerve me that way it used to.

Something had changed yesterday.

So many things had changed yesterday.

But the chief and I…

There was an understanding I think.

Not that I wasn't scared of his gun or his protective nature when it came to Bella. But we both understood that Bella was the most important person in our lives.

I settled in across from him, glancing to find him still looking at me.

"She didn't sleep well, did she?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Nightmares all night," I replied and took a slow drink of my coffee.

"Did she say anything?"

I looked up at him and he smirked.

"She talks in her sleep," he explained.

I knew that of course.

"Mostly garbled words. Nothing really coherent," I said and smiled to myself thinking on those nights she had said my name in her sleep.

Those dreams would be difficult coming after all this.

"Were you going to leave?" he asked, eyeing my jacket.

"I need to take a shower, get a change of clothes. I don't know how long Esme might be there until," I said, and rubbed at my eyes.

"They'll have to do an autopsy," he said and winced when I looked up at him. "Sorry, son. It's standard practice with an accident. His body won't be released for at least another forty eight hours."

I thought about what Esme must be going through and let out a weary sigh.

All the times she comforted me, this was my time to do it for her.

We heard footsteps and watched as Bella came through the door, looking like she had just come in by tornado.

"You're still here," she breathed when she saw me. "I thought you had left."

I stood and moved over to her quickly, holding her as she slowly moved towards the table.

"He was just having a cup of coffee with me, Bells," the Chief said, watching us as we settled in across the table. "You know, male bonding time and all."

She looked from him to me in a daze.

I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was as we looked at her.

She looked way too exhausted to be up and about.

"You should be in bed," I said quietly.

"I'm fine," she said, making the Chief and I both grunt.

So stubborn.

"I can go to the hospital on my own, let you rest," I said, already knowing she'd disagree.

"I can go with him," the Chief volunteered.

"I am going," she said, glaring at her dad.

He sighed and looked over at me.

"I told you she was determined," he said and smirked. "Okay. Just let Edward go home and shower. I'll drive you both there if you like."

"Dad, I don't want to be driven around in the police cruiser," she groused.

I couldn't blame her.

One of us would have to be in the back.

He sighed and nodded, looking over at me thoughtfully.

"I'll drop her off at your house and then I'll see you there. I have to go check on Bella's truck. They're supposed to be pulling out the cars today," he said and stood up.

I leaned in and kissed Bella on the forehead, feeling her lean into me.

"I'll see you in an hour?" I asked.

She nodded and watched as I put on my shoes and jacket, her eyes a little large in her tired and drawn face.

I kissed her again before walking out, the Chief close behind me.

"Wish she'd stay at home," he grumbled. "You'll bring her home early?"

I nodded and turned back to him as the door opened.

"I'll look after her, Chief Swan," I pledged.

He let out a long breath and nodded.

"I know you will, Edward. I saw it yesterday," he said and patted me on the back gently. "You're a good man. I'm glad she found you."

I didn't know quite what to say to his comment, so I simply nodded and made my way out to the car. It was a sunny day, rare here as I made my way home, lost in thought.

I didn't know if Emmett had been told yet.

I had no idea what I'd find when I got home.

Would Esme be there?

Would Emmett?

I pulled in to see that no one was home.

Probably at the hospital.

I went straight to my room, grabbing fresh clothes before jumping in the shower. I hoped it would refresh me. Clear my mind of all the thoughts.

Wash away yesterday.

But I somehow knew as soon as we entered the hospital, everything would come crashing back into my head.

I hoped I didn't have to see him.

Was that wrong?

But I didn't, not even to say goodbye.

I would. Eventually. In my own way.

But for now, I needed to get through the day.

Chief Swan delivered Bella as he had promised, and we were soon off to the hospital.

It felt as if we had just come from there.

Bella was quiet the entire way there, lost in her own thoughts.

"You don't think she'll blame me, do you?" she said finally, her face leaned against the window.

Who?

"Esme?" I asked. She nodded. "No, of course not. Bella, she would never think that."

She simply nodded and was quiet again.

When we stepped into the hospital, you could just sense the mourning in everyone we spoke with.

Of course. Carlisle Cullen had been a huge contributor to the hospital.

_A shock. _

_Tragic accident. _

_He will be missed._

So many condolences as we made our way to where they had my mom waiting.

I simply nodded and kept my mouth shut.

They would never know him.

It made me a little bitter, knowing that he would be remembered as this great man.

No one would know the truth.

Except us.

"There's you mom," Bella whispered as she motioned to a group of people in the hall.

I noticed Emmett right away. He turned to us and stared for a moment as we made our way towards them. I couldn't read his emotions.

Except for grief.

As soon as we got close, Esme was pulling away and pulling me into her arms.

"Thank god the two of you are all right," she said and pulled Bella close as well. "Both of you."

"It'll be okay, Mom," I whispered as I held her, looking down at Bella to see if she was doing all right.

Esme pulled away and looked at Bella, her eyes doting.

"You should be in bed, Bella," she chided, always the mother first.

"I wanted to come with Edward. I wanted to help," Bella said, earning her another hug from my mom.

I could tell my mother was on the edge of falling apart. She must have been here all night.

"Mom, you should get some rest," I said, earning a scowl from her.

"I'll be fine," she said.

So much like Bella this morning.

Emmett moved towards us, face downturned until he stepped up close.

"She's been like that all night," he said quietly to me as Esme pulled Bella to go sit with her in the waiting chairs. "Well at least until Tanya showed up."

I looked at him in alarm.

"Tanya showed up?" I asked, shocked.

He nodded and then chuckled darkly.

"Dude, Bella clobbered her in the nose. Broke it," he whispered and glanced at Bella. "I had no idea she was so violent."

"Wait," I said and pulled him a little farther away so that Bella and Esme couldn't hear. "Tanya came in because of her nose? She didn't know about the accident?"

He shook his head.

"I don't think so. Maybe. But she was threatening to press charges on Bella when Mom and I walked past her exam room to see about Dad," Emmett said. "And then Mom just went sorta nuts."

He shook his head and his eyes went wide.

"I've never seen Mom go ballistic," he continued. "I mean hauling off and dragging Tanya off the table, the two of them rolling around on the floor like one of those bad girl fights you see. It took three security guys to get Mom off of her. And then of course the Police took Tanya as soon as they realized who she was."

"The police have her?" I asked, wondering why the Chief hadn't said anything.

"Chief Swan was the one reading her her rights," he said and looked back over at Bella. "I can't believe they entrapped Bella like that. What was Dad thinking? It's insane."

I nodded. It was all I could do.

There was so much information in my head now.

"Tanya said it was all his idea," Emmett continued. "Something about taking Bella from you. I don't know what he had planned, but it didn't sound good. And then Tanya said something like being promised you and that's when Mom really lost it. That's when they got Tanya out of the room before Mom killed her."

I couldn't even fathom what Carlisle would have done to Bella if that truck hadn't come when it did.

Bella looked over at me and offered me a tired smile.

Did she have any idea?

Was that what her nightmares had been about?

I had to get her back home soon. She looked even more tired now that she was up and walking about.

She needed to sleep.

Esme didn't look too much better. She looked like she had been crying all night.

This waiting around was going to wreck her.

"Mom," I said, moving up to stand beside her. "You should go home. They'll call when they're done."

I saw her wince, knowing I had used a poor choice in words, but it was all I had.

We were all a little raw.

"Emmett can take you home," I said, trying to sound in charge. I looked over at Bella and she was looking up at me thoughtfully, a tender smile on her face.

Esme finally acquiesced, telling the hospital to call when things were settled.

I hugged her one more time before turning Bella towards my car.

"Is she going to be all right?" Bella asked.

I watched my mom as she slid into Emmett's jeep, her eyes closed in the passenger seat.

"I think so," I said. "She's always been a survivor."

I closed Bella's door and got in to start the car.

"You've changed so much since the first day I met you," she said, looking over at me with that thoughtful gaze again.

"How's that?" I asked, glancing at her as I drove.

She smiled and closed her eyes.

"When I first met you, you ran from anything that scared you," she said, making me frown.

I had only run from her.

And maybe myself.

"But now you are sure of yourself, and strong and taking care of people," she said, eyes opening to regard me. "You're a very strong and compassionate person."

I snorted and looked away from her, knowing she was still a little out of it from the accident.

"I'm so happy that you're mine," she whispered and closed her eyes again.

We drove to her house in silence then, my thoughts playing around with what she had said.

Everything that had happened to us.

It had shaped how we were.

As a couple, and as individuals.

I remembered her those first couple of days too.

A little shy.

So innocent.

But not.

But willing to try.

To fight.

Now here we were.

She was right. We had changed a lot.

Would we have ever gotten together if things had been different?

Perhaps.

But I think the struggle to keep what we had made us stronger.

Not a lot of people had the will to keep doing what we had done.

And that is why I knew I was so very lucky to have Bella as mine.

~~oo~~

Funerals are always so somber.

A week had passed since the accident, and the town had come together to help arrange for Carlisle's funeral. I could tell it irritated Bella and the Chief as much as it did me, but we kept our mouths shut.

To protect Esme's image and all.

I couldn't care less about my own.

People already thought I was strange.

But the town needed to remember people in their best light, so they came in force to his funeral.

Esme took it in stride, playing the grieving widow well.

Everyone knew they had separated briefly, but that seemed to be forgotten as the community stepped up to pay their respects. Esme would nod, and wipe her tears and thank everyone.

I had no doubt she was grieving.

She had been with Carlisle for over twenty years.

But I also knew that they had fallen out of love well before the thing in Alaska.

I never wanted to be like that with Bella.

I'd never fall out of love with her.

Ever.

I stepped away from the busy line of people wanting to wish their condolences in search of Bella. I found her on the back porch, the afternoon sunlight playing on her hair as she sat there on the swing.

It was too cold out to be sitting outside, but she was there anyway, looking out at the yard and trees beyond. She turned when she heard the door, smiling as she patted the seat beside her.

"It's too cold out here. You should be inside," I said gruffly, sounding too much like her father.

She seemed to sense it and chuckled.

"You are spending way too much time with my dad," she said, her smile quivering after she had said it.

I had actually enjoyed talking with him when we were alone.

She looked out again to the trees and let out a long sigh.

"It's been nice, having dinners with you and Esme and Emmett. I think Esme has appreciated the company," she said, staring ahead.

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in close.

"I think she has, although Emmett says that your dad has the hots for my mom," I replied and pursed my lips.

I didn't see it.

"Eww, what would that make us?" she asked, teasing.

"Kissing cousins?" I replied and leaned in to kiss her.

"I like boyfriend and girlfriend better," she mumbled and nuzzled into me. "Emmett's just a perverted ass."

I laughed that she still called him that; well aware of everything this family had to hide.

We had learned a lot this week.

When the Chief had gone to Carlisle's house, the one that Tanya had lured Bella to, he found out just what Carlisle had been into.

It took us two days between Bella and I both for him to finally understand that I didn't have some playroom where I whipped Bella or tied her up.

Still the Chief had trouble getting his head around the fact that Esme and Carlisle both were into that lifestyle at one point. It took Alice to convince him that some people lived quite normally.

Carlisle had been the deviant.

And then there was the night that Mr. Alistair Jennings came to pay a visit.

He was Carlisle's lawyer. An old friend of the family.

And come to deliver the terms of the will.

I'd say we were all stunned when we found out about the properties.

_Multiple properties. _

Alaska and Forks we knew about.

But Esme nearly lost her shit when she learned about the villa in Italy.

The flat in London.

The house in upstate New York.

The businesses in Chicago and New York specializing in the _lifestyle._

All left to us.

Tanya was nowhere in the will.

Esme immediately discussed selling the businesses.

She had no interest in keeping up Carlisle's side businesses.

And then there was Mr. Jenks.

Esme had hired him to find out everything he could about Tanya Denali and Carlisle.

He came with a box full of information.

Formal complaints about Tanya and her inappropriate dealings in private homes tutoring boys my age.

Things that Carlisle had paid off for her to keep quiet.

The forged documents stating she had certificates to teach in several states.

Carlisle had done a lot to keep her pristine.

I wondered how much he loved her, if at all.

It didn't matter now. There were enough charges on her to keep her away for a long time.

At least that's what the Chief had said one night over lasagne.

Yeah, the Chief and Bella had been over all week.

Bella had taken it upon herself to take care of dinners so that Esme could make arrangements.

The Chief had come almost every night because Esme asked him.

She seemed to enjoy his company.

_In a strictly platonic way. _

I was sure.

I had enough issues.

I wasn't going to think like Emmett.

They were just friends.

And Esme needed a friend. It seemed to be helping.

Esme seemed much more grounded after several talks with the Chief.

It was_ totally_ platonic.

I sighed against Bella as the sun dipped behind the trees, knowing that if I was cold, she must be freezing.

"Let's go inside," I whispered and kissed her softly on the head.

She hummed and pulled away, looking up at me with that thoughtful look again.

"Are you doing okay? I know the last week has been difficult," she said. "I've missed being able to spend any alone time with you."

I leaned in and kissed her.

"I'm okay," I whispered. "Things are going to be different now."

She smiled and nodded, standing up slowly and pulling me with her. I held her in my arms for a few moments, enjoying the peace and quiet, even if it was cold.

Bella kept me warm.

But even with her warmth, she started shivering in the cold, which was our sign to head inside, to mingle with the guests for a little while longer before she'd go home with her dad.

It was the night time that I hated the most, being without her.

I'd lie in bed and wonder about our future.

Would she still come with me next summer, to Seattle?

Would she be able to, without that scholarship?

I couldn't be without her, whatever I had said to her father about distance not being an issue.

I knew.

After everything.

I wanted Bella with me.

Forever.

Somehow I'd figure out how to convince her to go with me.

Because the nights were the worst without Bella.

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I had a lot I wanted to cover in this chapter, but sometimes simple is better. And really, some things are best left unknown. Not even Jenks can dig out everything about someone. **

**Next chapter we're moving on… and yes, we're wrapping things up. A few more chapters and an epi. *little sob* **

**Hope to get another chapter out in a couple of days. **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	68. Chapter 68

**Hello again my dears! **

**Happier times. A little time jump… Hope you enjoy! **

**Oh and unedited…. I'm too flustered by Cannes Rob to concentrate. **

**We Found Love- Rhianna**

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><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 68: Biology, Bella.**

**BPOV**

He was watching me from across the table.

_That _way.

It was a good thing Charlie had finally warmed up to Emmett, because if they weren't engrossed in talking about football, Charlie would definitely know Edward was being a very, very dirty boy.

Damn if that smouldering look couldn't make me clench from across the table.

Esme and Alice on the other hand knew exactly what was up it seemed.

"Bella made dessert," Esme said to no one in particular. "Edward, why don't you go pull out the ice cream so it has a couple of minutes to soften."

Soften.

_Ha._

I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was.

Soft and Edward never went hand in hand.

But all the things you can do with ice cream were well in his arena.

Ice cream on the stomach.

In between my breasts. Or even a Double Scoop.

All the better to lap it up.

I could swear Jasper was getting ready to start whistling that stupid song again, judging by the look he was giving us as he watched the interaction. Alice chuckled beside Esme and patted her on the hand, as if to say she had warned her. Edward excused himself and discreetly adjusted as he made his way to the kitchen.

We needed a little time to ourselves.

"What did you make for dessert, Bells?" Charlie asked, pulling away from the world of rushing yards and whatever and reminding me of the people around me instead of the man in the kitchen.

"I made pie," I said, grinning.

"Apple or cherry?" Emmett asked, smirking.

"Apple of course. I am not a cherry kind of girl," I shot back, raising my eyebrow back at him.

And that was Jasper's cue to start humming.

We were a bunch of perverts.

And I was perfectly fine with that.

"Pour some sugar on me," Emmett said, nodding to Jasper.

I looked at Emmett strangely.

That was the weirdest request ever.

"What?" he said when he noticed me looking at him. "It's a great song!"

I looked back over at Jasper and he was shaking his head, trying hard not to laugh.

"That's the song you are always whistling to?" I asked.

Why wasn't I surprised?

He shrugged.

"It's my distraction song," he replied.

I understood then. All those times he got nervous, it was his coping mechanism.

A bad 80's song. I bet Jasper had long hair when he was a teenager.

"A bunch of loud music and weird hair, the 80's," Charlie retorted.

Esme raised her eyebrow at him.

"And I guess you were a good old country boy?" she asked.

He put his hand on his heart like she had struck him.

"You can't say bad things about the Oak Ridge Boys," he replied, grinning.

"I liked Journey and Chicago," Esme retorted.

"And Air Supply," Alice piped in, laughing. "Nothing like some good romantic music in the backseat of the car on a summer night!"

"I'll go get some plates and see if Edward needs a hand," I announced, blushing a little when Esme smirked at me.

We were a bunch of smirky, perverted folks.

Yep.

"Grab me another drink while you're in there, Bells!" Charlie called out on his way to the living room with Emmett and Jasper.

Ah gametime.

In more ways than one.

I hoped to do a little tackling with Edward.

I stepped into the kitchen to find Edward leaned against the counter, a spoon in his mouth. His cheeks hollowed out slightly before he pulled the spoon out slowly.

Dear lord that man and his spoons.

"Do you think they'll miss us if we disappear for an hour?" he asked, grinning. "With the ice cream?"

I laughed softly and leaned into him, kissing his lips to see if he had snuck some vanilla ice cream.

Mmmm.

Vanilla and Edward.

Jasper was right.

Vanilla complimented so many flavors.

He hummed against my lips and held me close, enjoying the moment to us. His tongue snuck out, running over my bottom lip before he searched me out, more brazen than I would have taken him for, given everyone just outside the kitchen door.

I heard Esme coming before she actually entered, making enough noise clearing the table to give us a few seconds warning to break apart. With a sigh I pulled away and busied myself with pulling out the pies from the warm oven.

"Those look amazing, Bella!" Esme exclaimed as she passed, her hands full with dishes from dinner.

Edward jumped in to help his mother, who patted him gently on the cheek and smiled warmly.

"I hope so," I said. "I made so many this last week I feel like its automatic now."

"Jasper said his business quadrupled for Thanksgiving because of your pastries and pies," Alice said as she walked in with the remaining dishes.

I smiled at that.

It felt good to be as busy as I was the last week or so. I had worked every afternoon after school leading up to Thanksgiving, including helping out early this morning with Jasper on the last few orders.

The extra hours certainly helped in inflating my very small college fund.

But it kept me away from Edward, which certainly was a downside.

"I can't wait to have some of your pie," Edward whispered against my ear as he passed, his eyes wicked.

"Manners, Edward," Esme chided, smacking him across the back of the head lightly.

He raised his eyebrows and put his hands up in surrender.

"What? I like apple pie! I'm excited to have some! I love Bella's pie," he replied winking at me.

I snorted at his double meaning.

Dirty, dirty boy.

I really wanted to drag him off somewhere.

Pie sampling was a definite green light at the moment.

I had missed seeing him all week. Had missed feeling him even more.

The last few weeks had been difficult to find any time alone with him.

Funerals, managing to overcome the loss of Dr. Creepy, and just daily life had made it difficult. The only time we really saw one another lately was at dinner when Esme invited us over, or at school. The janitor's closet was really tempting most days.

Of course that was if we even felt like getting close. I found myself distracted and more reflective on life after the accident, and I wanted to give Edward the space he needed. Edward had been trying to deal with his feelings, seeing Alice a couple times a week to talk out his guilt. It had been a somber few weeks.

It wasn't until today that I had even really seen a genuine smile on Edward's face.

I had woken up fearing that with the holiday, the Cullens would be even more melancholy.

Imagine my surprise when Charlie and I arrived to bright smiles and a very passionate kiss by Edward.

One that earned him a loud clearing of the throat by Charlie.

Some things don't change.

Charlie and Edward had grown so much closer since the accident, but Charlie still gave Edward a hard time now and again.

But the day had been incredible.

A turning point in our lives.

Esme had made a huge feast for Thanksgiving dinner, inviting Alice and Jasper over as well as us. Having never been in a large family, it was a lot to take in as we had sat down to eat.

But the best thing was the smiles.

So much better than what we had been dealing with.

"Are you and Edward going out later?" Esme asked while she helped me plate up dessert.

I glanced over at Edward, who was nodding behind Esme's back.

"Um, yeah, probably," I replied, wondering what Edward was up to.

Esme simply smiled and took a few plates loaded up with dessert to the living room.

I eyed Edward suspiciously but he simply grinned and leaned in to offer me a quick kiss before taking a plate of my pie.

He was up to something.

I hoped it included ice cream now.

We settled into the living room to eat our pie, Edward scraping his plate clean with a flourish when he had finished his pie.

"Tell me there's more," Emmett said, winking at me.

"Bella's pie is all mine, loser," Edward replied and raced Emmett to the kitchen.

"I'd say dessert was a success!" Jasper said, laughing.

"Can't ever say no to Bella's pie," Charlie said, oblivious to the snorts around the room, or the furious blush from me.

Perverted.

We sat around enjoying the after effects of such a large meal, letting it settle before anyone did anything else. As soon as the game was over, it was Emmett and Charlie's cue to move onto something else.

"Yes, you can go see Rose," Esme said with an exasperated sigh when Emmett glanced at his watch for the tenth time in less than two minutes.

"I should shove off too," Charlie said, standing. "I have to work the overnight tonight."

He looked over at Edward for a moment.

"Can you drive Bella home?" he asked, eyeing him intently, moustache wiggling.

Was that a lawman signal for _take her home but don't drive my girl_?

Edward simply smiled and held me a little closer.

"Of course I can drive her home, sir. No problem," he replied.

Charlie looked between the two of us for a second and sighed.

"Well, just behave yourselves," he said and left it at that.

Oh we'd behave.

Charlie said his goodbyes and followed Emmett outside. I slowly got up to help Esme with the dishes but she waved me off, grinning.

"I really don't mind," I said, offering to help clean up.

She shook her head, looking over at Edward with a beaming smile.

"No, you two go do something fun," she said and then wagged her finger at Edward. "Just mind your manners."

Edward rolled his eyes and slowly stood, wrapping his arms around me possessively.

"When have I ever been disrespectful?" he asked, leaning over to look at me.

I blushed and tried hard not to answer that.

_Not talking to me that first day in Bio. _

_Looking down my shirt when he walked me there. _

_Groping me in the library. _

_Standing me up… a few times. _

_Climbing into my window unannounced. _

"You are quite the gentleman," I said instead, thinking of all the times that he was.

They far outweighed the times he was not before we ever became anything.

Esme snorted and looked at me as if she knew he had his days.

But truly Edward was perfect to me.

"Home late?" she asked as we put our coats on.

"I hope so," he teased, making me blush again.

"See? Manners, Edward!" she exclaimed and reached out to give me a hug. "I hope he behaves, sweetie. And thank you for coming. It was wonderful having you and your father here tonight."

She hugged me a little tighter, feeling her emotions creep in, as I knew they would. I hugged her back and mumbled my thanks to her, knowing that if we didn't leave soon, one or both of us would be crying.

Edward gently pulled me away and got me through the door, the both of us waving to Alice and Jasper before he closed the door and let out a long breath.

"That went much better than I thought it would," he murmured, pulling me close.

I let him lead me down the steps to his car, smiling when he opened up my door with a flourish.

"Always the gentleman," I teased and slid into the seat, enjoying his smile as he closed the door and walked around to get in himself.

He started up the car and turned to grin.

"So," I said haltingly, "where are we going?"

"Anywhere, nowhere, wherever," he said, his eyes dancing.

I narrowed my eyes at him and watched for any sign of him cracking.

But he only laughed and turned back to put the car in gear, pulling away from his house.

"What are you up to?" I said, teasing.

He shook his head and laughed, refusing to answer.

I let out an exasperated breath and let him take me wherever he had intended.

I wouldn't be able to get it out of him, and he seemed extremely giddy to get me to wherever he was taking me. I smiled out the side window at the idea that he was coming around again.

It was always nice seeing him smile.

So I'd let him surprise me, even though I hated surprises.

It didn't take long to figure out where he was going.

There were only a few places in Forks after all.

But I never imagined he'd be taking me to school.

I raised my eyebrow at him when he parked and shut off the motor.

"Edward?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

He stepped out of the car and came around to open mine, still grinning.

"Edward, what are we doing at school?" I asked as he pulled me toward the gate that closed off the corridors during the weekend.

"I wanted to take you to where we first met," he said, winking when the gate opened just enough to slide through.

"How?" I asked as he slipped through, his hand reaching out to help me.

"I have my ways," he said and helped me through.

"Don't they have cameras or dogs or something?" I asked, nervous.

He shook his head and laughed.

"I don't think so," he said and his eyes gleamed. "Besides, you know me and the thrill of being caught."

My eyes widened and I slowed down beside him slightly, making him slow down and turn to walk backwards.

Damn him and his kinky ways that made me hot…

And had me thinking all sorts of dirty things we could do in the school.

Things that would put Emmett to shame.

Janitor's closets. On the principal's desk. In the library. Hell even the bathrooms. I was game.

I hadn't thought about this every day since I first met him.

No. Absolutely not.

But he had an agenda.

Kinky boy that he was, it was sure to be good.

"What are we going to do?" I asked, feeling myself get worked up with adrenaline and simultaneously feeling aroused.

"Biology, Bella," he said, his voice much lower now.

.

He pulled me along, down the long corridor that lead to our Biology room. He stopped about halfway down, pulling me to him and kissing me deeply. When he pulled away, his eyes were shining in the dark hall.

"This is where I first met you," he whispered. "And where I first realized that you were going to change everything in my life."

He kissed me again, holding me close against him as I felt all his emotions seep into that kiss.

They always talk about kisses leaving you breathless.

But I never really felt that before.

It's not just because of breathing.

You can breath out of your nose or whatever.

Usually.

But when a kiss takes a hold of you when you forget to breathe…

And when a kiss puts every bit of feeling into it.

_That's_ what leaves you breathless.

I was breathless.

Edward made me so.

He pulled away, his eyes heavy and his lips turned up in a happy smirk as he watched me take a breath finally and sway in his grasp.

He was dazzling.

And he was there holding me. Edward was mine.

"I don't ever want to let you go," he murmured softly. "I want to keep you close, and never be without you again."

I chuckled and pulled him a little closer.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, confused when he started to frown and look down bashfully.

"Say you'll come with me when we graduate," he said, his voice low and rough with nerves.

I blinked and realized that must have been something he worried about.

Leaving for college.

While I stayed behind.

I hadn't even really thought about it in the last few weeks, with everything going on. Tanya had tempted me with that damn scholarship, but now it was all on me to find my way.

I didn't know if I could even afford just to work and live with him.

"You mean live with you?" I asked, cringing the way it sounded.

He looked up at my, his eyelashes fluttering slightly as he glanced away again.

"I want forever with you, Bella," he whispered.

His forehead leaned against mine, a long breath fanning across me.

"Come with me," he whispered. "Be mine. I want you with me, always."

"What about school? Or work?" I asked, feeling him tense. "I want to come with you, Edward. But how?"

"It'll be taken care of," he said, pulling away to look into my eyes. "Esme is already talking about getting a place in Seattle for me so we'd have a place to stay. I can take care of you, Bella."

I didn't know what to say.

I wanted to be with him always.

Of course.

But part of me wanted to do it on my own too.

"Don't over think this, Bella," he pleaded quietly, his eyes staring intently. "You took care of me. Let me take care of you now. I want forever with you. We can do this together. We found each other. Let's not ruin it simply because I'm going away to school. Come away with me."

"Okay," I said, laughing when his eyes widened at my answer.

"Really?" he said, dumbfounded. "I swore you were going to be much harder to convince!"

He pulled me in for another kiss, this one more searing than the last.

Breathless twice in one night.

Only Edward could do that.

"Is that why Esme was acting the way she was?" I asked finally when he pulled away to let me breathe.

He chuckled nervously and tugged at his hair, glancing down shyly.

"Um, this is going to sound bad," he said as he fidgeted. "I think she thought I was going to ask you to marry me or something like that."

I looked at him, shocked.

"Not that I don't want that," he said hurriedly, misjudging my reaction. "I want to marry you. I think about it a lot. So much it scares me sometimes."

"It's just a little soon," I replied, watching his face visibly relax.

"I want forever with you, Bella," he whispered. "But I'll propose to you properly in a better place than in the hallway of our high school. For now, I'm pledging forever and we'll make it official when the time is right. I just want you to come with me, to Seattle so we can be together. I'll take care of you."

I hugged him tight, knowing that he would. Esme worried about him being good. But I knew from the beginning that he was a good person.

"Forever, Bella," he whispered softly and kissed me along my hairline, whispering my name over and over again.

Who knew, a few months ago, when Mr. Varner asked him to walk me to class, that we'd end up here?

"I'm glad you brought me here," I said into his shoulder.

"Really? You're not upset about maybe getting caught?" he asked, and I could hear the humor in his voice.

I looked up at him and scowled.

"And you know who it would be to catch us, right?" I asked.

He simply grinned and intertwined his fingers in mine.

"Do you think he'd put me in jail for breaking in to tell you how much I loved you?" he asked.

"Well at least you didn't try to mess around," I said, hearing him laugh again.

I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly.

And his eyes were gleaming again as he pulled me down the hall towards our classroom.

"It's going to be locked, Edward," I said, hoping perhaps it wouldn't be.

Wouldn't that be nice. How many times had I daydreamed about him messing around with me in class?

I could be a little perverted too, right?

He just smiled and continued down the hall, until we reached the classroom. The door was closed.

He looked back at me briefly with a smirk and then leaned in to turn the knob.

_And it turned. _

I looked at him in shock.

"How?"

He grinned again and opened the door, pulling me in to our classroom.

"There are advantages to having a brother that knows how to get into things," he said.

Emmett?

"Emmett got the doors unlocked?" I asked, sceptical.

"Let's say Emmett has a golden key to the school," he said evasively.

"He stole a key," I surmised.

"Acquired," Edward corrected and leaned in to brush his lips over mine. "Regrets? Is this too dangerous?"

I tugged him down the aisle to our table, lips attacking him in answer.

"God I hope Mr. Banner doesn't have hidden cameras in here," I groaned as Edward picked me up and laid me on our table, unbuttoning my jeans with ease.

"Does that excite you?"

"Mr. Banner watching us have sex? No," I answered, moaning when I felt Edward's hand move up under my sweater.

He laughed against my neck and pulled away.

"Not that," he said, his eyes dark and intense. "I mean being taped. Does that excite you?"

I could tell it did for him. He was breathing heavy, and the smile on his face was evil.

Evil in a deliciously wicked sort of way.

I nodded, earning a wider grin from him.

"I'll remember that," he whispered and let his lips trail along my neck, making me lay back on the desks, spread out for him.

To have.

To sample.

Hell, to even experiment on if he wanted.

I was all his.

I'd do anything he wanted at that moment.

So it wasn't much of a shock when he was pulling my jeans off and moving in between my legs, the metal chair legs scraping as he moved. I giggled when I felt his breath against my thigh. I glanced down and saw the amusement in his face as he looked up at me.

"You have no idea how many times I fantasized about this," he said, his breath tickling me.

"You and me both," I said, earning another raised eyebrow.

"You are a naughty girl," he said and nipped at the inside of my thigh, making me cry out.

I really did like it when he bit me though. Every muscle in my body would spasm from his teeth. Another jolt worked through me when I felt his lips brush against me, his words garbled as he moved in.

But I distinctly heard the word _pie._

I barely had a chance to giggle at his playfulness before he was making me gasp and groan at his tongue and lips searching me out. I gripped onto the edge of the desk and tried to keep myself from writhing off of it, his mouth making my entire body electric.

It had been a couple of weeks since we had shared anything more than a kiss, so this was an intense reintroduction to the wonders of Edward's skills. I moaned out his name when I felt myself grow more tense, my climax washing over me in a sudden wave that made even Edward groan.

And then I heard the scraping of the metal chair again.

And then the feeling of his hands on my hips, moving me closer, cradling me as my ass slipped off the side of the desk towards him.

Feeling the heat of him brushing against me.

Entering me.

A sigh from the both of us as we felt that sense of completeness that always happened when he first pushed inside of me.

"I love that feeling," he groaned, his words echoing in the room.

I reached up and drew him down to me, his lips skirting across my lips to my ear as he slowly moved into me. The desk rocked a little, the legs never always perfect, and the desk edge cut into my back a little, but he held me tight, trying to keep us from knocking the desk over completely.

Slow at first. Savoring.

And then more.

A steady progression in speed and intensity.

Until we were rocking that poor defenceless desk back and forth, slowing dragging across the floor until it met up with the next one in front, banging louder than my bed had that one night.

Edward looked up at the desk ahead of us and grinned for a second before his eyes rolled back and he groaned again, working faster when he felt me tensing up again. I gripped onto him tight, legs and arms wrapped around his body as he pushed us further forward, his noises and mine mingling in the darkened room. I cried out, feeling myself climax hit hard.

"Bella," he groaned and quaked against me, his body growing heavy as he panted into my neck, still cradling me to keep me from falling off the table.

He must have realized it wasn't the most comfortable position, because he righted me back on the table almost immediately, before he had even caught his breath. He collapsed into the stool beside him, leaning his head onto my lap as I lay across the table, stroking his hair while we caught our breaths.

His giggling against my thigh finally brought me around.

"What?" I asked, chuckling with him.

He looked up, happy and relaxed like he had been drinking.

He was drunk on us.

"I had a hard enough time concentrating with you beside me here," he said, still giggling. "Now I'll keep imagining this and won't ever be able to think about anything else!"

I laughed with him, knowing it was probably true.

We were so going to fail our Biology project.

Which made me remember. Poor FC had been left so many times now, it was a good thing it wasn't a real baby.

"We need to get home," I said, struggling to get up and find my jeans.

"Best idea ever," he murmured against my legs and helped me up so I could dress.

"We have a lot of homework to catch up on, Edward," I teased. "FC has been neglected horribly."

He rolled his eyes and remained quiet, cleaning up the area we had defiled so that no one would be the wiser.

"It means you get to spend the entire weekend with me," I said, earning a renewed smile from him.

"Is your dad working all weekend?" he asked, hopeful.

"I doubt it," I grumbled.

"We'll have to improvise then. We still haven't cut those tree limbs yet," he said, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

He grabbed my hand and we made our way back down the hall, out towards the parking lot once more.

"You know we'll have to explain to Charlie about moving in together," I said as we walked.

"One thing at a time," he replied, looking a little pained. "We still have months to go before he needs to know, right? I like that he hasn't threatened me with his gun in a few weeks."

I laughed and let him help me through the gate once more, happy to be back on the right side of the fence. He pulled my hand into his, wrapping his fingers around mine tight as we made our way back to the car.

"Do you think he's at work yet?" Edward asked as he slipped into the drivers seat.

"I think he is well and gone from the house, Edward," I said, shaking my head.

"I told him I'd drive you home," he said and then winked. "I just didn't say what I meant by driving."

I snorted and shook my head at him, loving his playful attitude.

"You're such a guy sometimes," I teased.

"Yep, and you love me," he shot back.

I looked back over at him, at the happiness there and sighed.

"Yes I do," I replied.

Everything else was secondary.

But knowing that Edward was happy and loving me was the best thing in the world.

Things were finally turning around for us.

Now we just had to get through Biology.

I closed my eyes and let out a contented sigh.

I knew we could do it.

We found love together.

We found our strengths in one another.

We fought against the things that tried to pull us apart.

We could do anything.

Together.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: awwww. Things are going to be just fine with these two. Happiness is a cold Biology desk and an Edward…. JS.**

**It wouldn't be a good Biology story without sex in the classroom, right?**

**Now to get thru that class and pass so they can move in together…**

**This would have been a little longer… but I blame Cannes Rob… Nothing gets me more distracted than a sharp dressed man. So don't expect Ch 69 for a few days, I'll have to recoop from Cosmopolis Cannes Rob tomorrow… he might well kill me. **

**Love to all of you for all the wonderful reviews and love!**

**More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	69. Chapter 69

**Hello again my dears! Well, here is the last chapter of TBP. An Epilogue will be forthcoming. But it seemed appropriate to end the story with this chapter. **

**A little 69 anyone?**

**Glad You Came- The Wanted**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 69: Oooh, Kinky.**

**EPOV**

Bella looked as if she was going to throw up. We had been planning this for two weeks. She had been excited to do it then, coming up with some amazing ideas for today. She had been so daring in my bedroom as we…practiced.

Now however.

Yes now she looked positively green at the idea of blindfolding.

"Bella? Edward?" Mr. Banner called. "Your turn."

I smiled at Bella, hoping I could give her a little of my confidence as we stood and made our way up to the front of the room. Bella clutched at Junior like she was getting ready to have to give up her own child.

"I'll take Junior," I whispered and handed her our props. "Why don't you hand these out while I introduce."

"Okay," she croaked and took the props bag while I cradled Junior carefully. It took her a moment to let her hand loose from the flour bag.

"Aw, aren't they cute," Lauren said behind us, the sarcasm dripping from her lips. "The happy little family."

"All right," Mr. Banner interrupted, raising his eyebrow at me. "Let's get this started."

I nodded and looked again to Bella, who had turned to start handing out the strips of cloth. I grinned at the thought of what we were about to do.

Dare I say it made me all kinds of horny too. If only because I had enjoyed trying out all we had planned.

Bella loved playing along too.

Right.

Focus.

In class. Presentation not exhibition.

"Today, we're going to show you what it is like to live the life that our child leads," I said loudly, stepping to the front of the class. "Our Flour Child suffers from blindness, a genetic issue in utero. So our child will never be able to experience a sunset, or know what the color blue is, or fall in love at first sight."

I watched as Bella turned and smiled, her cheeks flushing a little at the last.

"But what he can do is be able to hear better. Sense things better by touch and smell and sound," I continued. "So today you are going to learn first hand what he must deal with in our world."

Everyone was playing with the cloths that Bella had handed out, looking at them curiously.

I pulled out my IPod and my portable speakers and immediately started playing Debussy, softly so that I could still talk over it.

"What we want you to do is to cover your eyes with the cloth, and imagine that you have lost your sight. Listen and feel as we take you on a journey to experience the day in the life," I said, grinning as Bella moved to the back of the room.

"Oooh, kinky," Jessica said as she slipped the cloth over her eyes.

I noticed Bella narrow her eyes at Jessica.

She was so protective sometimes.

I loved it.

"So," I continued, turning to Mr. Banner to make sure he was still watching. He nodded with a curious smirk on his face, gesturing for us to continue.

"With one sense removed, the others become more attuned to their environment," I said and paused, remaining very still as Bella moved quietly to the back corner of the room silently. We stood there watching one another calmly for a moment or two, letting the anticipation build for the rest of our classmates. Their heads shifted slightly, catching the sound of the heater turn on, or the clearing of the throat of their neighbor. But we had essentially disappeared on their radar.

I nodded to Bella to cue her and she dropped one of the thick biology books on the floor in the back corner where she had stationed herself, making a tremendously loud bang on the floor.

Everyone jumped and shrunk away from the noise, Jessica and Lauren both screaming.

Bella stood there grinning.

"Sounds are more acute," I said, and Mr. Banner nodded, impressed. "Every sense is more sensitive."

Bella pulled out a long feather and quietly made her way down the row, brushing the tip of the feather along the arms or necks of whoever she passed, making them jump or swat at the feather. When she reached the front of the room beside me, I took the bag silently and pulled out the vanilla candle she had placed in there.

She walked quietly over to the other side of the room by Mr. Banner, who was quite amused now by our display.

I walked towards the first row, leaning in close enough to place the candle close to Newton's nose.

He jerked back for a second before inhaling deeply.

"Cupcakes!" he exclaimed, making those around him jump in their seats.

I moved to someone else as Bella took over the speech, her voice in a different location making everyone's heads turn abruptly towards her voice.

"Imagine having to learn everything without the sense of sight. Things that we take for granted. We track people with our eyes, but our child must do so with his ears, or his nose. He is not capable of watching someone from the corner of his eye. He is not able to wink or show amusement or even flirt with his eyes. He has no way to distinguish the difference in things unless he learns it with another sense entirely," she said.

I pulled out the bag of cookies that Bella had and turned to her.

"Everyone, put your hand out, palm up," she said, all authority.

It was fun to see who was so easily willing and who was not.

Jessica and Lauren were way too easy.

I placed bits of cookie into everyone's hand coming back to stand beside Bella and watching as everyone reacted.

"Imagine having to trust someone you have never seen before," I said. "Would you trust them?"

"How do you judge what we've placed in your hand?" Bella asked.

"Would you smell it?" I asked. "Or taste it? Or crumble it in your hand by trying to feel it?"

The class shifted in their seats, each of them trying to investigate what I had put in their hands.

Newton of course tried tasting it.

Ben and Tyler sniffed it before eating it.

Jessica and Lauren stroked it in their hand, making it crumble.

"Take off your blindfolds," I announced, watching the class squint and look at what was in their hands.

We then went into the boring stuff Bella had found on blindness in genetics, and how to take care of a blind child in the early stages of development. We had crammed all week to catch up on all the things we had not done over the semester. I hoped it sounded coherent, some of our speech finished just last night.

But judging by Mr. Banner's approving nod, we didn't do half bad.

We might actually pass this class.

The bell rang and as Bella was collecting the blindfolds from the class, Jessica came up to her and dropped her blindfold into Bella's hand with a knowing smirk.

"I sorta figured Edward as the kinky sort," she said. "But why he picked you I don't know."

I was about to intervene when Bella tipped her head to the side and laughed.

"You wouldn't know kinky if it tied you up and smacked your ass," Bella said.

Jessica looked at her, stunned for a moment and spluttered until she finally turned on her heel and stomped out.

"Naughty," I whispered into Bella's ear when I stepped up to her.

She shrugged and looked up at me with that knowing smirk that told me she was daring me to be naughty with her. I glanced around at everyone pulling their bags together.

"Esme's out of town starting today," I whispered, wiggling my eyebrows.

I loved to watch Bella's eyes darken when she was aroused.

"Do you have to go to gym?" I asked, praying that perhaps we could spend an extra hour at home alone before Emmett showed up.

She shook her head and threw her bag over her shoulder, grinning.

I chuckled and turned with her, picking up Junior to hold in one arm, Bella on the other.

For all the weirdness of having that bag of flower, I was never so happy to have it now.

It had brought us together.

There was no way I was ever letting it get made into cookies or something.

~~oo~~

I didn't pay attention to what we were doing as we stumbled into my room.

I think I turned off the car.

I think Bella shut the door.

What I did know was that there were too many buttons on Bella's shirt.

And she was becoming quite adept at undoing my jeans walking backwards with my tongue in her mouth.

We crashed together into the bed, rolling and pulling and tossing and groaning.

I felt her pushing me back onto my back and I gladly obliged, feeling her heat against my boxers as she straddled me.

"You're taking too long," she growled as she pulled her top up over her head, forgoing the buttons that remained.

I sat up and devoured her lips again while my hands traced frantically along her back until her bra was just a memory. Lips moving, I nipped at her jaw on my way down to tease her nipples.

She groaned and leaned back slightly cradled in my arms as I tasted her.

I'd never get enough of Bella Swan.

"Lay back," I whispered, pulling her off of me to lay her down on the bed.

She hummed when she felt my hands roaming over her body, taking it in like it was the first time. There wasn't a single moment that I wasn't amazed by the beauty of her body and how it reacted to my touch.

Every time.

I gazed down at her for a moment, eyeing every inch of her while she smiled and squirmed for me, wanting me to touch her some more.

"More," she whispered, her eyes pleading.

I'd always give her more.

Whatever she wanted.

I'd give.

And the way she was laid out on my bed, sprawled out in such ease. She was like my own personal buffet.

And I was starved, wanting to dive right in.

I pulled away from her for a moment, leaning past her to grab the condoms from the drawer by the bed. I gasped when I felt her move against me, her hand moving to wrap around me. I let my eyes close and fell back onto my back, enjoying her touch.

We could do this for a while. It felt so nice.

Right.

She was lying on her side, her head lying on my thigh as her hand moved, watching me as I reacted. I wouldn't last very long with her watching like that.

And I needed...

"More," I rasped, sliding my hand along her calf that was resting innocently by my head.

She raised her head up, eyes lusty and moved a little closer to me. Her breast brushed against my hip as her head descended, a warm breath my only warning before she swallowed me up in her mouth. My body shuddered as I felt her take me in deep, feeling her throat constrict slightly before she pulled away, sucking hard.

I loved her lips on me.

And her tongue.

And her mouth.

Fuck, she was amazing with that mouth.

Pushing me in deep and then pulling back slowly, her tongue flicking at my head to tease before pushing back in, deeper every time. I held my hips still, even though I was dying to just flex and fuck her mouth.

It sounded crude I know.

But damn, watching her swallow me made me want to do all sorts of depraved things.

My hand moved along her thigh, pulling it up a bit so that I could see her sex better.

Touch it. Caress it. Enjoy it there a mere foot or so away from me.

My fingers grazed along her inner thigh and she moaned, opening her leg up for me more.

Brushing across her wet folds made her jerk, her mouth tightening on me, making me want to thrust hard. She moaned against me, sending vibrations through my cock and up into my brain. So much sensory overload, but I wanted more.

I wanted her to feel more.

Always.

A finger inside her, pumping to her rhythm on my cock. Curling to find her spot, making her thigh jiggle a little as she trembled.

Another finger and another moan around me.

I licked my lips and rubbed her a little harder, smelling her arousal now and realizing I was leaning in, trying to get closer.

Needing to taste her.

Wanting more.

But I didn't want her to stop what she was doing.

I leaned in and kissed her open thigh, nudging it with my nose to try and move closer.

But she as just a little out of reach by this angle.

I laid back down on my back and tugged her leg to me, lifting it up so as to get her to straddle me.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, pulling away from my throbbing cock.

"Trying something," I breathed. "Trust me?"

She looked back at me and nodded, that lusty stare becoming more so as I reached up and took her hips in my hand, moving her so that she was now hovering over me, ass in the air and heaven inches from my face.

"Relax," I whispered and sat up just enough to let my tongue graze her, sending shockwaves through her body.

She moaned and her hips jerked in my hands, but I held them firmly and pulled her down to me.

To my mouth and my tongue.

I'd never done this before in my life. Having a girl sit on my face while I devoured her, but fuck if this wasn't the best way to enjoy her while she took me back into her mouth. We fit perfectly, her legs straddled on either side of my head while her head moved over me.

We set a slow rhythm at first, figuring out what worked and what didn't.

I mean I loved having her on my face, but there is a need to breathe too. Gripping her hips I could move her so I could do just that while she squirmed and pressed and trembled.

And I was sure she had more control taking me in as well, able to pull back some when my hips worked on their own, pushing up into her mouth when I felt her throat open up for me.

In and out, and mouth moving to lap her up.

We moved together, learning as we went.

Push. Pull.

Tug. Groan.

Bella was the perfect partner for me.

Unafraid to try anything new, willing to take a chance.

I felt her thighs shaking against my ears, felt her breath on my balls as she panted and took me into her mouth a little faster.

Sucking on me frantically until I felt my balls constrict and my own body start to quake.

Flicking my tongue, I sucked her clit into my mouth and drove her to the brink, feeling her moan around me as I let loose.

Our bodies jerked and shuddered, and it was a moment before I finally came to my senses.

A little lightheaded, but perfectly sated.

Her leg was draped over my chest, her body slumped to one side of me, still trembling. I laid my hand across it, stroking it softly to help to calm her. I could feel her heavy breathing on my thigh again, tickling the hair there. I hummed when I felt her fingertips brush across my stomach lightly.

"That was," she said, sighing. Her knee brushed across my ribs allowing me to trace the underside of it with my other hand.

She giggled and squirmed slightly against me.

It was amazing how comfortable we were with one another.

Spread out and vulnerable.

Entangled with each other.

Lying spent in my bed.

Best feeling ever.

Enjoying the quiet of just the two of us.

"I liked that," she murmured.

I leaned over and kissed the back of her thigh by my head.

"I like everything with you, Bella," I replied, earning another happy sigh from somewhere by my hip.

I felt her lips brush my flank and let my eyes close, content once more.

We lay like that for sometime, not talking, just stroking one another in the quiet and enjoying that connection.

Bella made me whole.

She made me real.

She made me realize I was just what she needed.

Just as she was what I needed.

Thoughts drifted into my head, ones I thought about often late at night when I lay in bed alone, missing her.

What would have happened had my life been different?

What would have happened if I hadn't come to Forks?

If she had not come?

If we had never met?

Or was it fate?

Would we have met on some other chance?

Would we be whom we were without this experience to bring us together?

I shifted under her, turning myself so that I could lay along side her, our faces finally close to one another after what felt like forever and smiled when I noticed she seemed to be sleeping.

I leaned down and kissed her softly, enjoying the soft hum from her lips as her eyes fluttered open, contentment clear as she gazed at me.

I rested my head along my arm and simply watched her as she gazed at me, both of us simply content.

Alternate lives didn't matter.

Because we were here now, and we were together.

Nothing would break that bond we had.

Fate had surely made it so that we could be together.

"I'm glad you came," I whispered finally, my feelings for her simply overwhelming me.

She giggled and grinned into the sheets.

"Well, I'm glad you came too," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Although it was hard to swallow while hyperventilating."

I rolled my eyes and adjusted myself so that I was hovering over her, hands gripping her ribs and threatening to tickle her.

"That's not what I meant, dirty girl," I said and tickled her playfully so that she squirmed beneath me, crying out.

I gave in quickly, letting out a long sigh and propping myself on my elbow to savor the look of her below me again.

"I mean I am glad you came to Forks," I whispered and kissed her softly. "I'm glad you came into my life."

Her arms wrapped around me, fingers playing with my hair as she sighed and kissed me back.

"I'm glad you came here too," she whispered finally. "I'm glad you're here with me."

I kissed her more deeply, so happy to hear how happy she was with me.

She had healed me.

Had shown me that life was so much better.

"I wish it was summer already," I grumbled and nipped at her ear.

"It's only six months away," she teased. "And besides, you might get tired of me before then."

I pulled away and stared at her, a little shocked at her words.

"I'll never get tired of you," I said, worried for a moment if maybe she would ever get tired of me.

She grinned and hugged me close again, her nose nuzzling into my neck.

"Good, because I am never giving you up," she said and sighed again.

Instantly my fears were quashed.

Feeling her hold me so close, I knew she meant it.

We'd be fine.

We had each other.

But six months was an awfully long wait for together forever.

I'd just have to be patient.

I'd have to remember that good things came to those that waited.

Six months.

That was nothing.

Because then we'd be together.

Forever.

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**AN: I wonder if Jessica will ever investigate the kinky side of life… or if Mike Newton will ever realize he got to eat Bella's cookie at last. Snort.**

**I wonder if Mr. Banner snagged a blindfold to take home to Mrs. Banner. Naughty!**

**Hope you liked this wrap up! I'll be posting the Epilogue in a few days. It's been a great ride with all of you. Thanks so much to all that have pimped, supported, reviewed and read. It's been a blast!**

**Much love to you! **

**More soon! **

**MWAH!**

**steph**


	70. Chapter 70

**Hello one last time my dears! **

**Thank you so much for all the love and support. You all have been amazing partners on this trip! **

**So here we go… the epilogue. **

**Love you all! **

**Forever- Chris Brown**

* * *

><p><strong>~~oo~~<strong>

**Chapter 70: I really like this chair.**

**BPOV**

I hummed quietly as I rolled out the rest of the dough, smiling at how Jaspers nervous tic had become my soothing mechanism at some point. I hadn't even realized I was doing it until he called me on it a couple of years ago. But now, on my fledgling step out as a caterer, I found myself doing the same thing he did.

Except my song was Peaches and Cream.

No 80's bands for me.

I was popping the almond pastries into the oven when I heard the door open down the hall.

"I'm home and it smells amazing!"

I grinned to myself, sure that Edward would enjoy his little surprise I had made for him.

I had even made homemade vanilla ice cream.

I heard him drop his keys in the dish by the door, waiting with eager anticipation for him to make his way to me in the kitchen. But he didn't come immediately. Instead I heard him milling around in the living room, turning on the stereo before finally stepping into the doorway, a sexy smile on his face. He had his button up shirt undone at the top, having discarded his tie at some point and had kicked off his shoes somewhere between the front door and the kitchen.

He was all sorts of beautiful standing there watching me.

"There's my beautiful wife," he purred and sauntered slowly towards me, his hands behind his back.

"What are you hiding, dear?" I asked, curious beyond belief.

He shook his head and cocked his eyebrow at me never losing his grin.

"Close your eyes and I'll show you," he whispered, his voice gravelly like I liked.

I pursed my lips at him and pretended to be unimpressed.

"If I close my eyes, how will you show me?" I asked.

Edward chuckled and rolled his eyes at me, leaning in to offer me a sweet kiss on the lips.

"Mmmm. I taste almonds," he murmured and kissed me a little more fully, his tongue peeking out for a taste.

He almost had me with the tongue.

Even after almost five years, just his touch got me hot and bothered.

But he had goodies for me.

And I was curious.

I leaned away slightly watching his lips pout a little before his tongue swiped at them, tasting me on him.

"So demanding," he teased and slowly brought his hands around to offer me a large box.

I looked at it strangely, knowing at once it wasn't a diamond or even a necklace.

"It's for later," he whispered and leaned in to kiss me again his mouth finding mine a little more urgently.

We damn near crushed the mystery box when he pushed me up against the counter, pressing his body into me.

Box. Needed. To. Go away.

I moved it to the side, nearly dropping it on the floor as my mind concentrated instead on the feel of Edward along my body, hard and hot and definitely needing some attention. He pulled away with a groan when the oven timer dinged.

"No burning this time," he said with a sigh and laughed when I scowled at him.

"No, you will not distract me with good kitchen sex and make me burn these like you made me do with Esme's snickerdoodles," I said and turned from him, leaning over to open the oven door and check on my pastries.

"But you keep teasing me," he growled and came up behind me, grabbing at my hips so that he could grind on me while I tried to concentrate on flaky.

And golden brown.

And…

"Just let me get these out," I groaned, closing my eyes and pushing back into him.

Damn he felt good from behind.

What was I doing?

Hot.

I was hot.

Right. Oven. Baking.

So hard.

And…grinding.

I tossed the baking sheets onto the range and turned to attack Edward.

It was entirely his fault. I could never say no to his touch and the way he looked was my undoing.

I kissed him hard, pushing him back towards the breakfast bar until he let out a whoosh when he hit it.

"Here, babe?" he groaned. "I had thought about upstairs."

"What, are you saying I have to pick on for the other?" I teased. "Have we become that kind of married couple, after only a year?"

He quirked his eyebrow at me and slid his hands under my pants, tugging me close.

"I could go all night with you," he growled, a little twinkle in his eye. "But the last time we did it in here, I seem to remember you taking issue with cleaning up pancake batter."

"You clean this time," I hissed and pulled at his shirt, the buttons coming apart all to easily.

Whatever. He had plenty of button ups.

I wanted him naked.

We groped and tugged at one another until I somehow managed to be against the bar now, his hands on my hips as he pushed against me. I leaned back along the cold counter, humming delightedly when I felt him enter me.

Strong and sure.

He knew how I liked it.

Hell, after five years we had learned all sorts of things together.

And right now he knew I wanted it rough.

He groaned and moved a little harder, clutching at my hips to keep me from banging against the edge of the counter. His fingers gripping tight, the almost feral look in his eyes as he watched me beneath him.

And of course the beauty of having him inside me.

I would never get enough of Edward Cullen.

His sounds.

His lips.

His touch.

Always and forever would he send me to heaven and back.

His frenzied thrusting catapulted me quickly into that tense bliss I loved so much with him, causing me to cry out and tug him closer. His own climax came seconds later, his body leaning against me heavily as he regained his bearings.

He kissed me softly along the neck, a lazy grin creeping across his face when he finally pulled himself up to gaze down at me.

"That was not how I planned on tonight going," he said, chuckling.

"What were you planning?" I asked, smirking.

I had planned on an all night sextravaganza in the room.

He caught the wickedness in my eye and tipped his head to the side, contemplating something before speaking.

"I had thought of taking you out to dinner, sweet talking you and then bringing you home for a nice romantic evening," he said, raising his eyebrow again at me. "What did you have planned?"

I sat up and slid off the counter, shutting off the stove before slipping back into his arms.

"I planned on ordering in and fucking all night," I replied, earning a surprising blush from Edward.

It had been a while since I had made him blush.

"I could stand eating Chinese naked with you," he murmured and wrapped his arms around me loosely.

Like he had some special gift, the doorbell rang at mention of Chinese.

"Pay the man and meet me upstairs," I purred and grabbed the box he had brought, walking out of the kitchen with nothing but a smile on my face.

As soon as I hit the stairs I was dashing up to the third floor.

To Edward's workout room.

At least that's what Charlie called it.

Well, I guess you could say it was used for workouts.

I smirked at the conversations Charlie and Edward had had the first time Charlie had come to visit us in Seattle and discovered the room.

All right. It did have a weight bench.

And a barbell or two.

But some of the other stuff.

Well.

College had been a learning experience for both of us.

Edward had gone in not knowing what he would do, only to focus his studies on education eventually. I had gone to culinary school, sponsored by Esme of course.

I had balked at it at first.

But Esme can be very insistent.

And only after _I _insisted that I cater anything she did, did I agree to it.

Which is how Cullenary Treats began.

Esme put in the funds; I created sweet masterpieces for some of the more upscale events in Seattle now.

But it was our extracurricular activities that really transformed us these last few years.

Edward and I discovered ourselves and the world that was proper kink.

Both of us had a voracious sexual appetite, and as nice as vanilla was, we wanted to explore.

So the upstairs room to our condo became _the room_.

What had been a simple weight room transformed into a place for us to explore.

All hidden away from the regular world. But it wasn't a dark and sinister room.

Open skylights letting in the sunlight in the day, and moonlight at night. With no common walls with our neighbors. Exposed eyebeams allowing the perfect places for rigging up safety points for harnessing.

It was the perfect room.

I chuckled as I skimmed my hands across the large wardrobe on the far wall. Inside held all our secrets. Charlie would walk in and talk about lifting and how many reps Edward was up to, and I would just snicker and think about how many reps he was up to in this room.

With me.

We had spent a lot of time in the room until only recently when things got busy.

Edward graduating and looking at graduate schools. Getting his teaching credential.

Me starting the business.

We had been very busy since the wedding.

But tonight we'd rediscover.

And with my anniversary present proudly displayed in the center of the room, we'd be here for a while.

So many positions and options.

I looked down at the box Edward had given me and opened it, grinning when the box fell away, leaving me with the cool texture of silk in my hands.

Nice.

How did he know I'd need this tonight?

I slipped the negligee on easily, smoothing it over my stomach to look over the color.

Dark blue.

Edward knew how to pick them.

I heard him on the stairs and moved quickly over to the chair in the middle of the room.

I figured he'd enjoy seeing me laid out for him on his new toy.

His eyes widened when he saw me.

"Shit," he hissed as he took in every curve.

This chair definitely made it easy to lay myself out for him to enjoy.

"I can't believe you got it!" he breathed, laying the bag of food on the table by the door before he walked toward me, already unbuttoning his pants.

I could only grin as he eyed me hungrily.

"What will Charlie say?" he teased, sliding in behind me to rest comfortably along the higher curve of the chair.

"If my dad has any idea what a tantra chair is, I'll die," I retorted, laughing.

Edward chuckled as he leaned into me, the curve of the chair making it so much more comfortable than even our bed downstairs.

"Now I see why you wanted to go all night," he whispered and slid his hands under my negligee, humming when he traced the material on his fingertips.

"Happy anniversary," I replied softly and adjusted my hips to find him right there and ready for me again.

We both sighed at the feeling of him gliding into me smoothly. This time around it would be slow and savoring. The chair was specifically designed for providing the perfect support when making love, and immediately we could tell.

He fit so much better and hit every point inside me to make me gasp and sigh and squirm against him.

So deep.

So slow.

I groaned when I felt how his pelvis moved against mine, offering me more tactile pleasure simply by the angle and depth of him moving in me.

"So good," he moaned and held me as he moved a little faster.

We didn't talk much, we just stared at one another as we experienced how our bodies worked on this new toy. He shifted against me, easily pushing me up and turning me until I scissored him, his arm holding onto my leg as he drove in a little harder.

I whimpered at the feeling. He was so deep and close I could feel every part of him moving inside. And his pelvis continued to rub me, sending me quickly to my release as I trembled and cried out.

He moved again, turning me so that I could now lay along the curve, the chair providing me a moment to relax while he still moved against me. He leaned against me, kissing along the back of my neck before he found my ear, his laughter soft and breathy as he slowed down.

"Do this thing come with modifications?" he asked quietly in my ear.

"What do you mean?" I moaned, not wanting to think about different colors this thing came in or whatever.

I was enjoying the ride.

"I just think it needs a place to hook up rope," he teased and thrust against me a little more urgently. "Or handcuffs. Or scarves."

I turned my head to look back at him, his eyes dark with desire as he watched himself move in and out of me.

"That can be arranged," I replied, his eyes shooting up to find mine.

"I want to tie you up on this thing and do everything with you," he growled and sped up, groaning when he felt me stiffen under him in anticipation.

Tonight was going to be an orgasm extravaganza for sure.

And as he felt me come close, I felt his hand move over my ass, the tightening increasing twofold as I prepared for what he was about to do.

I felt the sharp smack across my ass just as I let go, bringing me to climax much harder than I had before.

His second smack made me cry out.

But not in pain.

Ecstacy.

He knew what I liked, and how much of it I'd enjoy.

And a quick smack on the ass always brought a little extra to our sessions.

Edward let out a long groan and held me tightly as he same, finally leaning his head into my shoulder to calm himself. I felt his lips grazed across my shoulder blade, his teeth nipping at me playfully.

"I like this chair," he said, humming when he felt me adjust under him.

He wasn't too heavy as he relaxed against me, but still he moved, laying back along the opposite curve and bringing me with him to sit comfortably in his lap. His fingers traced along my back, drawing lazy circles as he sighed and relaxed beneath me.

"Do you like your present?" he asked finally. I looked down to see the negligee was still intact and smiled against his chest.

"I like it very much," I said and turned my head to look up at him. "Did you have plans for it tonight?"

His grin widened.

"I did, and how you knew to compliment it with this amazing treat only reinforces the fact that you and I belong together," he said, his lips moving to take mine once more.

It was his growling stomach that finally pulled us apart. I giggled and slipped out of his grasp to grab the bag of Chinese food that had been all but forgotten. Settling back on his lap, we settled into feeding one another straight out of the box, both of us happy to be with the other.

"I should have taken you out, you know," he said, pointing his chopsticks at me. "This being our first wedding anniversary."

I shook my head and swallowed the noodles in my mouth.

"I think I like this better," I said and offered him a piece of shrimp. "I want to do this every anniversary."

"Naked," he replied and tugged at the material covering me.

I leaned back and tossed off the gift he had given me, enjoying the smile that crept across his face.

"Much better," he murmured and kissed me slowly.

We continued to eat, chatting as we always did about our day.

He seemed excited that I had landed a contract with another event company. It would mean more business for sure, but that also meant more time apart.

"You should ask Jasper if he'd want to join forces," Edward suggested.

I smiled and kissed him sweetly.

"I was thinking that this afternoon actually," I said.

We were so in sync with our thoughts.

"Guess what happened to me today," he said, his eyes twinkling at whatever he had to share.

"You said you got called in for a school job," I said hesitantly, thinking back to the call he got at the crack of dawn this morning.

He nodded and his grin widened.

"I got called in to _sub_," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ha _ha_," I replied, knowing that every job he got to substitute would end up with some sub joke.

He was becoming more like Emmett sometimes.

But I still loved him.

"I got called in to do a long term sub for the high school down the street," he continued, still very excited about his news.

"That's great, baby," I said and leaned in to kiss him. He pulled away a bit and shook his head.

"Guess what I am subbing for," he said, practically bouncing now under me.

I looked at him suspiciously, my mind a blank.

He laughed and held my shoulders tight.

"Biology, silly," he exclaimed, laughing even louder.

"Seriously?" I asked, joining him in his laughter.

"Can you believe it?" he said, shaking his head in wonder. "And the teacher had virtually no lesson plan."

He waited for my brain to realize what he was saying.

"Oh, you didn't," I said suddenly, eyes wide.

He laughed again.

"It worked for us," he said simply.

"You're going to do the Biology project with these kids!" I exclaimed and slapped him on the shoulder. "You are nuts!"

"I think it'll be fun to see them work on it," he said, a little more seriously.

I watched him for moment, every bit of pride I had in him seeming to bubble over at that moment.

"I love you so much, you know that?" I whispered.

He pulled me to him, nuzzling his face into my hair.

"I love you more," he replied softly. "I don't let a day go by without thanking the powers that be who brought you into my life."

He slowly stretched under me, a contented sigh flowing over my skin before he pulled away gently.

"I want whatever it was you were baking," he said, moving to stand.

I stood with him and stretched, finding myself much less sore than I should have been, given our little sex session.

"I really like this chair," I said, touching the top of it thoughtfully.

"I think we need one in every room," he said, laughing when I rolled my eyes at him.

"Charlie may not know what they are, but I bet you mom would," I said. "I don't think I could handle that amused look coming from her."

We reached the kitchen, and he was quiet for a moment as I pulled out the ice cream and pastries.

"Do you think she regrets what we do?" he asked.

I looked at him curious at his sudden question.

"She knows we're happy. That's what she cares about," I replied.

It was rare and very infrequent when Edward showed his doubt about our lifestyle.

But it happened once in a while.

"She's happy for you Edward, just as I am," I replied softly, coming to him to hold him.

He stood there for a moment, deep in thought.

"I'm happy too," he whispered. "With you. You're everything."

"Then this is right," I replied.

He pulled away, smiling down at me like I was his whole world.

He was certainly mine.

"Happy anniversary, Bella," he said.

"Happy anniversary, Edward," I replied and handed him his dessert which he took with a smile.

"Here's to many more, just like this," he murmured.

"Yes, I want to have crazy sex on our 50th," I said pointedly.

"Absolutely!" he replied with a laugh.

And just like that, we were back.

My life with Edward would always be exciting.

And my love for him would continue to grow.

I expected many more anniversaries like this one.

Because this was what we did.

We had each other.

Forever.

* * *

><p><em><strong>~~oo~~<strong>_

_**AN: Much love to all of you that followed along with this story. It means the world to me that you came for the ride! Thank you so much for the pimps and the reviews and the kind words over on the forum, Twitter and FB. You guys are the reason I keep at it. **_

_**You all have been wonderfully supportive and I thank you for the love you have given this story. **_

_**Some of you have asked if I have something on the burner. **_

_**I'll be concentrating on working on some original works. But who knows. This one came up on me unexpectedly. You never know what might pop into my head! **_

_**Love you all! **_

_**MWAH!**_

_**steph**_


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